-----Original Message----- From: MaryAnne ******* Sent: Wednesday, March 01, 2005 9:00 AM To: Ze Frank Subject: My boyfriend just left me...please help! |
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The Brighter Sides of Breaking Up By Ze |
Dieting is easier when you don’t have an appetite. |
Even though you’ve become massively in debt from gifts you bought your ex, at least your newfound addiction to cigarettes has left you with bad breath. |
Since on average you fall in love every 9 years, you’ll only be 40 when it happens again. |
You get to do a huge spring-cleaning regardless of the season since half your stuff is now in the “memorabilia” category. |
You get to experience what its like to be a depressed, tormented artist… just without the motivation or talent. |
Crying at movies no longer makes you feel stupid, since it’s the only place where its okay to do it in public. |
You can appreciate the nuanced subtlety in the lyrics to Richard Marx’s “I’ll be waiting right here for you”. |
You finally get to learn how to delete a number in your cell phone address book. |
The fact that your cell phone now has 148 empty slots, gives you a new urgency in reconnecting with lost friends. |
You get to experience a deep warm connection when the guy at Starbucks says "Have a nice day!" and smiles. |
You can do empirical studies on whether alcohol is actually a depressant. |
You find yourself answering the question “How are you today?” honestly and at great length. |
You get to finally reconnect with your pet. |
You begin to wonder whether pets think in sentences and whether the words” i love you “ ever crossed their minds. |
You get to look forward to dates where you catch someone else up on how many siblings you have as well as all the other mundane facts of your life. |
You get to hone your marketing skills by attempting to sell “beauty on the inside” in noisy bars. |
You can try to convince your parents that they owe you money considering how much they saved since you aren’t going to have a wedding. |
Boggle is easier to win when you play by yourself. |
You can remember old times by revisiting the single-serving coffee maker your mom bought you during college. |
You get to rely on that killer instinct you used to have when choosing an outfit for a night out. |
Watching your friends children have temper tantrums no longer has the same ominous implications and returns to just being plain funny. |
P.S. Don't worry...it'll all be okay...I promise. |