My Turn

[Red Princess]

someone cheer me up, love life is going into the toilet, seems to be nothing i can do to prevent it.

[Frieda]

same here, darling. what's happening?

[Red Princess]

he is squandering valuable professional resources and when i try to talk to him about it he cuts me off thinking i have ulterior motives. he is in danger of becoming mediocre and i don't want to be that close to a person who thinks 'good enough' is good enough

[Frieda]

must be my bad english.. but i don't really understand what you're saying.. sorry! :( maybe if you could give me an example?

[Red Princess]

he is in the midst of a career change. he is not attending some classes at the community college he signed up for because he thinks he doesn't need them.he does.

[Frieda]

ah, much clearer now. :)

but, is it really this situation that's bothering you or is there more? do you feel like he acts like this towards you too, not just towards his education?

[red]

Maybe he thinks you want in on his professional resources.
Maybe he secretly knows he is risking these resources and doesn't want to face it. There are a thousand "maybes".
If he is really willing to settle for "good enough" and you aren't, the ball is back in your court.

Sorry your day is sucking Princess, you too Frieda.
We are almost to Friday!

[Red Princess]

It is bothering me that he will not talk to me about it, as if he thinks i don't know what i am thalking about. I have more (way more) of these resources available to me, i could help him lots more than he could help me. and i would if he would let me

[Frieda]

apparently he wants to do things on his own.. i know it's hard, but you know-- sometimes people have to make their own mistakes. it's hard to let go, and it can be really difficult, but some people will never learn any other way. you just have to pick them up when they fall, and if they don't fall, congratulate them..

and it's a difficult subject for him. like red said, he probably doesn't want to face it. maybe you shouldn't talk about it for a while.. he might come to you with it. if he doesn't, just pick him up & love him..

[red]

From my experience, most guys don't like to be pushed on issues they aren't ready to deal with.
Maybe you could offer the help once and never mention it again?

Guys are so freakin' frustrating, but I think we screw them up worse. (heh heh heh)

[red]

Right on Frieda, tough love!

[Red Princess]

i'd like to pick him up and slap him upside the head and say "snap out of it, you big baby"

[Frieda]

:D you could try that.. do you think it'll work? ;)

[AllegroNg]

I'm sure castration would work!

[Red Princess]

castration? then what would he think with? oooh i AM in a bad mood.

[Frieda]

castration works for everything. buy yourself a nice meat cleaver and all your problems are gone with the wind.

(what's that dildo site again?)

[Red Princess]

http://www.somethingsexyplanet.com

[Frieda]

thanks. i'll need it. maybe i should quit wielding my meat cleaver..

[Red Princess]

keep it, you never know. They have very good customer service at that website by the way

[Frieda]

ok, thanks! ;)

are you feeling better? or do you still have that need-to-beat-him-up-feeling?

[Red Princess]

want to beat him up, but mostly just sad. he makes everything so hard, i guess i will have to let him make his mistakes, certainly puts a damper on the libido

[Red Princess]

so where's all the dancing naked guys when you need them? and where's my damned drink?

[Frieda]

it's all part of the whole letting go thing.. i know it's really hard when someone just can't accept your help. but then again-- if he doesn't want it, why waste your time? have some fun with us here on the board instead!

[Red Princess]

i've let go of so much already, this may just be the straw that made me buy a back up vibrator

[red]

A back up vibrator? Are you planning on wearing out the…oh.
nevermind
<-----------a little slow

[rmr]

Don't be sad R.P. It's stinks, but let him do what he wants. You can't change people and if it's something you cannot except then you must move on. No relationship is perfect, you must take the good with the bad. If the good out weighs the bad then I'd say work on it. If not i think you know the answer.

[masterofNone]

this isn't what you'd call a testosterone friendly environment

[rmr]

I still love men, MON!!!

[Red Princess]

Don't be scared MoN, give us your perspective, there won't really be any removing of body parts, wanna dance nekkid?

[masterofNone]

not naked guy... but if your man won't quit acting like a bum, stop having sex. If you start missing sex before he starts stepping up to his duties, get a new man. That's what makes successful men as far as I can tell.

I'd give real money if my son's girlfriends would stop sleeping with them when they're being bums. It makes it hard to motivate a guy when he's getting some.

[Red Princess]

WAAAAAA, i don't wanna stop *sniff* but if it's the only way i guess I'll have to go buy batteries

[Deviate]

Originally posted by masterofNone
I'd give real money if my son's girlfriends would stop sleeping with them when they're being bums.

hmm, kinda like reverse prostitution. interesting.

Red,

if you like having sex with the guy no need to stop. people suggest Lysistratian justice as if women don't enjoy sex. for some women, denying sex is just as much a punishment for them as it would be for their partners.

talk to the guy. the best things are accomplished in a completely honest environment. explain to him your worries, frustrations and fears in a very calm, neutral manner. avoid "you make me feel" and "when you do this". put focus on you and your feelings.

from this you'll get one of three responses:
-he'll tell you something you don't want to hear. perhaps something you're NOT willing to deal with. at least this way it's out in the open, the worrying is over and you can decide the most effective course of action from here

-he'll tell you something you didn't expect. perhaps soemthing that you ARE willing to deal with. together, through this honesty, you're on your way to building a stronger relationship.

-he won't honour your honest communication by offering the same. if he clams up and refuses to give you the information you request, then that alone should be a reason to let him go.

it's not always easy to confront someone with our vulnerabilities. but only with open communication and honesty can a relationship be truly genuine.

just my 65 cents.

-st.

[Red Princess]

Thanks Deviate, i appreciate it.

[Deviate]

anytime, babe. hope you get through this tough time.

-st.

[Red Princess]

I'll be fine, i got this far....still don't see any dancing naked guys offering me drinks

[masterofNone]

Lysistratian justice Check out the big brain on Deev!

[Deviate]

ha-yuk!

gorsh.

-st.

[lapietra]

I am so excited that I got that reference.

very interesting convo BTW - funny how many ways relationships can be challenged...

[dickieC]

Girl talk

Pfft

<---- glad to be single for once


:this is a joke:

[Red Princess]

careful there, there's been much rowdiness going around today