Corrupt a Wish

[zenbabe]

The first person makes a wish, the second grants it while corrupting it in some fashion and then also makes a wish, the third person grants it while corrupting it and makes their own wish, the fourth person grants it while corrupting it and wishes something of their own and so on....


Ex:
1st person: I wish for a new pair of panties
2nd person" Granted, but they come with someone else's skid marks in them.

I wish for a sandwich

3rd person: Granted, but it is full of diseases

I wish for a....and GO!

[zenbabe]

I wish my garden would grow

[trisherina]

Your "garden" grows abundantly until it comes to the attention of the SFPD and you are led away in handcuffs.

I wish I could play the banjo.

[lostsadie]

Granted but you will only be able to play well between the hours of 2am and 4am while wearing a sequined ball gown. Furthermore the only song you know is dueling banjos.

I've always wished my hair were thicker...

[Tunesmith]

Granted, but it grows so thick that it covers your face, leaving people uncertain as to your gender, and you are constantly referred to as "...he?"

I wish I could fly...

[zenbabe]

Granted, but you can only do so with a full bladder.




I wish this movie wasn't so long.

[Bman]

Granted, but the movie went by so fast that you weren't able to catch that whole "meaning of life" dialog that God delivered towards the end.

I wish for unlimited wishes!

[lostsadie]

Granted, but all of your wishes will be corrupted and irrevocable

I wish I had a house elf to clean up while I sleep

[zenbabe]

Granted, but said elf will also kill you while you sleep


I wish tomorrow wasn't Monday

[Frieda]

then it's tuesday and your boss isn't pleased, you missing a whole day at work and all! :eek:



i wish i was a little bit taller i wish i was a baller i wish i had a girl who looked good i would call her i wish i had a rabbit in a hat with a bat and a '64 impala

[daverbee]

Your wish is granted, unfortunately your '64 Impala was reported stolen so you'll spend ten years in jail. Oh, and your girl has VD.

I wish I could live forever.

[trisherina]

Granted, but the vampirism gets boring after a couple millenia.

I wish I could see into the future.

[Tunesmith]

Granted, but the giant robotic ants scare you sh*tless.

I wish I had some coffee.

[zenbabe]

Granted, but I peed in it.

I wish I had straight hair.

[Hyakujo's Fox]

You do, long straight shiny hair, but it's uh... "down there".


I wish my apartment was clean.

[T.I.P.]

granted - a very efficient crew comes by and cleans out your entire apartment. You have no furniture left.


I wish I could stop fidgeting.

[daverbee]

You will. After the bulldozer flattens you.

I wish I was a great painter.

[Tunesmith]

Granted, but with this ability comes you receive overly self-critical tendencies, so you only produce one chef d'oeuvre (titled "Self portrait with Fermented Goat's Milk". It receives some fame, and gains a cult following) that is not ripped to shreds immediately afterwards.

Whew.

I wish I was wearing sandals.

[zenbabe]

You are, but they are made out of my brand new straight hair.

I wish I get a raise soon.

[daverbee]

You will, but now you're the boss and the board of directors expects you to work 72 hours every week.

I wish I could visit Paris.

[dickieC]

Granted, but it's Paris, Texas...

I wish I could gather all the ZeMonkeys together in one place at one time for one enormous party.

[Frieda]

you do, but you forget to set the alarm clock and miss your plane. party goes on without you and, well, it's a blast. shame you didn't make it!



i wish for nice weather tomorrow.

[zenbabe]

granted, but it is expected to rain in nice tomorrow.


I wish I could go home!

[brightpearl]

You get to go home, but the flying monkeys follow you.

I wish it were ever so slightly sunny outside.

[Bman]

Granted, it is ever so slightly sunny outside because the earth has ceased to rotate on its axis, disrupting and eventually exterminating all life. Good job.

I wish I could finally think of an incorruptible wish : /

[Tunesmith]

Granted, but your server crashes just as you click the reply button, and the wish was so unbelievably complex that you can only remember the opening of it (which is "I wish for, under the circumstances described below and only those circumstances...").

It was perfect, Bman, perfect. Stupid server.

I wish I didn't procrastinate so much...

[Bman]

Sweet, I broke the matrix with my wish.

[daverbee]

Tunesmith, you don't procrastinate anymore. Unfortunately, you get so obsessed with getting things done you work yourself to death.

I wish I was a famous doctor.

[T.I.P.]

Granted. You are now so famous that trashy magazine paparazzis flock around you at every corner. After a few bad experiences you realize you can no longer go to the bathroom for fear of webcams. Your bladder eventually explodes.


I wish I owned a monkey wrench the size of North Dakota.

[brightpearl]

Any wish involving North Dakota is its own corruption.

Just kidding. Okay, you've got your monkey wrench the size of ND, but the thing you were going to fix with it is now the size of a kumquat.

I wish I never felt the need to wish for anything.

[DiggerDude]

You, never need to wish for anything BECAUSE YOUR DEAD! (dundundun)

I wish I had a giant robot.

[Frieda]

you get sega's latest type of giant robot puppy and you are thrilled. until you teach it the command to sit down. it sits on your chest, crushing you, unable to speak the words to make him get up you suffocate and die.


i wish i had another box of cookies

[T.I.P.]

you find another box of cookies under some papers on your desk. Unfortunately they are urinal trough pellet flavored.

I wish i'd finish my article before tonight.

[brightpearl]

I can't bring myself to corrupt TIP's wish. :D I hope you finish your article too.

Here, somebody corrupt mine:
I wish I could figure out what to do with the dumbassed bird in a cat carrier in my bathroom.

[Tunesmith]

granted, you decide to release it into the wild, but on its way out of the cage, its flapping wings create a sort of chaotic avian Butterfly Effect. Your kindhearted act of pity results in thousands of deaths when a hurricane reaches landfall in Europe. :(

sorry, brightpearl...next time keep the bird! :p

how'd it end up in your bathroom, anyway?

I wish I were on the beach in CA. Ooh, lovely! I can just hear the waves crashing. NOTHING can go wrong with this scenario...or can it?

[Avalon]

You are magically whisked off to a sunny Cali beach..but find yourself buried neck deep in the sand by some rotten little kids. The beach is yours alone and you can hear the waves crashing ... over your head at high tide. Tragic.


I wish it were sunny and 75 degrees all the time.

[brightpearl]

how'd it end up in your bathroom, anyway?


I wrote Mr. Bird a letter (http://bulletin.zefrank.com/showpost.php?p=340336&postcount=1166)that will explain it.

I let Mr. Bird go, by the way, but he doesn't seem to be flying well. My good intentions are probably for naught. :rolleyes:

But there's nothing else to be done. :( Everyone owns their own karma. Perhaps Mr. Bird will be reborn as a pampered kitty, however, and it will all work out.

[Bman]

See - Granted, it is ever so slightly sunny outside because the earth has ceased to rotate on its axis, disrupting and eventually exterminating all life. /


I wish I were an Oscar myers wiener.

[lostsadie]

Granted and everyone loves you and your wiener-self in a chomping molar kinda way, 'specially the ladies. (this wish didn't need to be corrupted, it already was) Although you are forever paired with the beanies and that little piece of fat back who makes fun of you incessantly..."don't you wish you were real meat, cartilage boy!"

I wish I could walk on my hands

[trisherina]

Granted, you walk on your hands with ease. Which is good, because you're an above the knee bilateral amputee with a wheelchair phobia.

I wish I knew more people who sew.

[l'azizza]

You now belong to an enthusiastic sewing group, who like to make jackets out of human skin.

I wish for a new mother.

[Avalon]

You get your wish! Unfortunately, your new mom went to the Joan Crawford "Mommie Dearest" school of parenting. You will spend countless hours in a dark closet and have an unnatural fear of wire hangers.


I wish Bin Laden to be forced to have a sex change operation

[Brynn]

Granted - he get two sex change operations. One to switch, then another to switch back.

I wish I had a black pony with a silver saddle.

[DiggerDude]

You stand outside your house watching for your new horse. You see it galopping towards you, faster, and faster

BOOM!

The horse runs straight through your house, detroying it and everything in it. It goes through the neighboring houses, then the entire neighborhood, then the neghiboring neighboorhoods till your entire community is reduced to rubbel

Then one of the four horsemen of the apocalyse comes along
"****, you haven't seen my ride anywhere have you?"

I wish I had a rocket launcher.

[daverbee]

Granted, but it's Paris, Texas.

At least you didn't say Paris Hilton.;)

[daverbee]

And so you shall, Digger. Your rocket launcher only works on alternate Tuesdays during a full moon every third April and won't accept any rocket which has any kind of explosive in it as it's a pacifist rocket launcher.

I wish I didn't have a headache.

[Bman]

Your ache travels from body part to body part, forgetting how to get back to your head. It never stops to ask for directions. In the meantime, you get an ache in whatever other limb you need most at the moment.

I wish I didn't have to get a job -_-

[daverbee]

You don't need a job in prison.

I wish my cat would stop throwing up on the carpet.

[brightpearl]

Granted. Cat throws up in your bed.

M'kay, let's see who's not afraid to be a rotten stinker:
I wish there was a cure for childhood leukemia.

[daverbee]

There is now a cure for Childhood Leukemia.

It puts thousands of Doctors out of work and they are seen at street corners all over the world holding signs that read, "Will Give Chemotherapy For Food". They all hate you.


I wish I had a farm.

[Tunesmith]

Granted. It's an organ farm, and U.S. officials are coming to detain you and your assorted livers and kidneys.

I wish I could sleep forever...

[DiggerDude]

Oh come on! Thats just asking for it man, It is SO EASY to equate sleeping forever to death it's not even funny. I hope you don't ask that when you meet an actual genie incase it's one of those bad genies that "accidentally" misinterprets your wish's.

I wish I had physic powers.

[Jack Flanders]

You've been granted the powers but now you know the exact time of your death.

I wish for the perfect flower.

[Hyakujo's Fox]

Done! Right there see? Just behind the perfect thorn.


I wish people would think more.

[T.I.P.]

Granted.

People start thinking more. More money. More cheeseburgers. More soda. More cars. More territory. More oil. More pollution. More tactical weapons.


I wish people would stop eating potatoes.

[Avalon]

Granted. People stop eating potatoes when someone in France starts the rumor that potatoes are sentient and sapient beings who can actually "see with those eyes". But it isn't a rumor. Panic arises and something akin to "Night of the Living Dead" ensues; you are taken prisoner and severely beaten with potatoes that have had their eyes removed..then, you are deep fried. :eek:


I wish it was the 80's again....

edited for spelling..pfft :p

[trisherina]

Granted. You get up this morning, tease your hair a bit and don a fitted turquoise shirtdress with a four inch wide white belt and matching pumps, douse yourself liberally in Amarige, then head out to the NYSE with your tomato-coloured eelskin briefcase in hand, looking forward to lunch with your new boyfriend, Patrick Bateman.

I wish I had some bacon and eggs.

[Avalon]

I get Mall hair! :p

[Bman]

You wake up and have all the bacon and eggs you could ask for, you just have to catch, kill, and cook them -_-

I wish there wasn't so much to wish for!

[Coffee]

Your wish is granted, you are now a singularity, a point source, a black hole...you are all that is and can be, you know nothing beyond your event horizon and the concept of "other things" is completely foreign to you....you also massively suck.


I wish I could change traffic lights from red to green by simply clapping my hands.

[Jack Flanders]

You clap, the lights change and then you crash your beloved car because you took your hands off the steering wheel to clap.

I wish I could spend a day on a nice beach.

[Tunesmith]

Granted. But unfortunately, thousands of other people get the same idea. You're stuck in between a family whose kids' sole purpose in life is to whine endlessly about absolutely nothing and a pair of women who are about 50 years to old to be scantily clad.

Oh, and a passing baby vomits on you. Fun!

sorry, Jack :(

I wish I hadn't lost my digital camera :mad:

[lostsadie]

Granted. In fact you didn't lose it you loaned it to a neighbor down the street...you just didn't know that you were loaning it because he borrowed it with out asking. The problem with loaning things to this neighbor is that he never returns loaned items, so you might as well have lost your camera~

~to find your camera again you will have to check local pawn shops. And to have it again you will have to pay the ransom note (which is more than you paid in the first place).

I wish Scotty would beam me up.

[Jack Flanders]

So does he, but he's unavailable.

I wish I was somewhere else.

[harrier]

Granted, you are now about 1.5" to the left of where you were before.

I wish I could stop playing wii.

[Hyakujo's Fox]

The old Atari 2600 is dusty, but it still works, and works, and works, and works...


I wish that leak in the roof would go away.

[trisherina]

Your roof leak goes away, but due to the Laws of Conservation that appear to drive the wish-world, you develop urinary incontinence.

I wish both mice had actually been female.

[lostsadie]

They were both female, although we won't get into the details of gay mice baby adoption...too controversial and depressing in that mice are so far advanced. Obviously their government felt they were good parents or they would not have been allowed to adopt so many.

I wish only happy things happened.

[Tunesmith]

Granted. Only happy things happen. But they're the happy things of this man:

http://bush2004.com/images/bush_via_the_daily_mirror.jpg

I wish today were Saturday. Where the hell did the weekend go?!

[Brynn]

It's Saturday again, but not just any Saturday. This is the worst Saturday of your life from when you were twelve and grounded. This is what all your Saturdays will be like from now on.
As for the weekend, it has now been moved to Tuesdays and Wednesdays.

I wish I could sing like Aretha Franklin in her heyday.

[brightpearl]

^Good one, Tsmith.

Brynn, you can now sing like Aretha Franklin, but you look like Ike Turner.

I wish I always knew the right thing to do and was a good enough person to do it.

[daverbee]

And so you are! You are so good at doing the right thing and being good enough to do the right thing you never get any rest and die of a heart attack.
The sad thing is the world never noticed your accomplishments, so nobody attends your funeral. Your funeral is the only one ever with no mourners, no funeral director, no ushers, no family members, no pallbearers, no coffin, no flowers, and no minister. They just dump you directly in a hole using the backhoe.
And if that ain't corrupted, I don't know what is...

I wish I had enough energy to do what needs to be done.

[Bman]

...And you do. But what needs to be done is the eternal counting (and categorizing) BY HAND (very important) of all the stones, pebbles, rocks, and boulders in the northern hemisphere. For ever. Seriously.


I really wish you didn't have to do that o_o

[daverbee]

And so, I don't. But I do anyway just to annoy you.

I wish I could meet Cinderella.

[brightpearl]

The sad thing is the world never noticed your accomplishments, so nobody attends your funeral. Your funeral is the only one ever with no mourners, no funeral director, no ushers, no family members, no pallbearers, no coffin, no flowers, and no minister. They just dump you directly in a hole using the backhoe.

Actually I don't mind that part so much. Strictly speaking, even the hole is unnecessary. :)

You meet Cinderella, but you're one of her ugly stepsisters.

I wish things were better.

[Brynn]

Things are better now - for your Siamese twin. You watch on in misery.

I wish I had a nice long shoulder rub.

[daverbee]

You do. Unfortunately, it isn't your shoulder. You're the one giving the shoulder rub and it lasts for eighteen hours.

I wish I had time to eat breakfast.

[harrier]

And so you do. And as you excitedly bite down into your puffy breakfast pastry, you realize too late that buried in the fantastic flurry of tan deliciousness are the maggoty remains of a long dead tarantula with her prey still in her grasp, alive and wriggling.

(ewww)

I wish I could watch this company dissolve into bankruptcy overnight.

[daverbee]

Done. Unfortunately this dissolution involves dunking all employees in a tank of sulfuric acid.

I wish I wasn't so sleepy.

[Bman]

No problem, you're asleep.

I wish someone would just give me a wii.

[DiggerDude]

Someone gives you a defective Wii that explodes in your bedroom.

I wish I was smarter.

[trisherina]

You wish you were smarter. Now you are.

I wish I could go back and do this day over.

[Odbe]

You do, but the day is even worse than the first time.

I wish I had some new music to listen to.

[T.I.P.]

you now have some new music to listen to but as you load it into your music-playing device it breaks, along with every other music-playing device in a 300 mile radius.


i wish I had an original thing to wish for

[daverbee]

You do. It involves being transported to a distant planet and being enslaved for life in a uranium mine by an alien race.

I wish I had a pet elephant.

[Hyakujo's Fox]

Done. And now you see the sign "Owners please clean up after your pets."


I wish my wish was incorruptible.

[trisherina]

It is, because you're in heaven.

I wish the arthritis would vanish.

[daverbee]

He does. The divorce doesn't go quite the way you wanted, though, and he ends up owing you nothing while you have to pay $100,000 alimony every month.

I wish there was peace on earth.

[Bman]

There is but (insert plot of any dystopian novel).


I wish I had a nice tall tree to climb

[harrier]

You do, but it's a cactus which you only realize halfway up.

I wish there wasn't so much traffic in california

[daverbee]

There still is but it doesn't matter to you as you've been transported to the Gobi Desert with no food, water, or shelter.

I wish I were King of the World!

[Bman]

You are, but you get nagged to death by the Queen of the world. Not to mention the princes, princesses, dukes, arch-dukes, bishops, rooks, and pawns. Checkmate.

I wish I were better at chess.

[trisherina]

You become a Grand Master. The level of focus required renders you intolerant of any distraction and you lead a lonely existence, but you scarcely notice due to your preoccupation.

I wish the wind and rain would stop.

[Veruki]

Granted, but the lack of wind and rain has created another dust bowl.

I wish I had waffles with strawberries.

[daverbee]

You do. Nobody else in the world does, though as you're completely comnsumed by your quest for the ultimate waffles and strawberries breakfast. This leads to violent upheavals the world over and ultimately to nuclear war.
Thanks. Thanks a lot.

I wish we could all just get along.

[harrier]

We get along, too well. And within 9 short months we are buried in a mountain of newborn babies.

I wish daverbee hadn't corrupted my wish to make me look spoiled :(

[daverbee]

And so I won't. Trish, on the other hand, is just waiting to get a shot at corrupting one of your wishes.

I wish I was a superhero.

[zenbabe]

You are, but you are STDman, and your super powers are infecting anyone you come into contact with a random STD.

I wish that I never get an STD.

[lostsadie]

Granted, you never contract an STD, due to the fact that your "parts" are too small to actually do the deed.

I wish I knew what true happiness was...

[Tunesmith]

Granted. Unfortunately, the action required to attain true happiness is unbelievably simple, so you forget it immediately.

I wish I had some falafel. Mmmm...chickpeas.

[Marcus Bales]

Here's a steaming pot of falafel, spiced just the way you like it, snatched from the camp of an NGO in Darfur just before it was served to the starving children lined up smelling it and anticipating their first good meal in weeks.


I wish I hadn't said that.

[trisherina]

Darning-needle dragonfly comes and sews your lips shut with tiny intimate gestures, and now you can only type word salad.

I wish I felt as grown-up as I look.

[Marcus Bales]

An experienced man of the world from Cleveland arrives in your home when only you are there and lets you feel him, and feels you, in return. A week later the wood and brass plaque arrives certifying that you do indeed feel as grown-up as you look.

I wish Trish's husband hadn't read that.

[harrier]

He didn't see it. In fact, thanks to you he is now blind and unable to partake in the beauty of a sunset, a child's smile, and grown up trish.

I wish Johnny Depp had a huge crush on me (.. speaking of not acting your age)

[Marcus Bales]

Johnny Depp's crush on you is so obsessive that he is spending all his time and money trying to find out who you are. His entire fan club is a step behind, heavily armed, and waiting for him to find you, so they can dispose of you and get him back to work.


I wish Trish would quit PMing me her schedule of alone-time at home.

[Bman]

Granted, she starts PM me instead. (gives shifty glances)

I wish I knew what to do until later.

[daverbee]

You do. You spend all your time corrupting other people's wishes until later when they all gang up on you and corrupt enough of your wishes to last into the next millenium.

I wish I had less responsibility.

[harrier]

You now have no responsibility. No job to wake up for, no family to put food on (nods to GW), no house to pay for, no clothes to wash, no trash to take out, no pets to feed, no shoes to tie, no food to cook, just a nice cardboard box and a pair of extremely dirty tighty whities.

I wish I wasn't so damned jealous of the hot chick at work.

[Veruki]

you become so unreliable and untrust worthly that the human race bans the existance of responsiblity in your presence.

i wish i had gotten more sleep last night