Zemonkey tales/tails

[nycwriters]

Ok here's a challenge. Complete this story using only members of zefrank as characters.

Try to keep the story flowing on the plot, don't worry about typos or spelling, just have fun with it.

--------------------------------------

Noxx, prone on his divan, debated on whether to put on the pink or purple tutu. He slurped some windex, trying to decide.

[priceyfatprude]

(so yeah, i don't read directions)

Noxx put on the purple tutu & turned on his webcam. He then received an invitation to view the webcam of a shameless gal from Canada, eh?

[RuneT]

Nox had been grooming this particual woman for a while and was getting quite exited. What does she want this time? -he wondered as he pressed the accept button. Then he suddenly thought that he should have waited just a little longer, not wanting to appear desperate and to make her feel less important.

[zenbabe]

Little did he know, that NYC was waiting in the lurches, waiting, like a cat about to pounce on her prey. Waiting with that screen capture button, waiting..waiting.....

[nycwriters]

Deviate walks in, and presses the screen capture button.

NYC sighs in exasperation.

"YOU CLICKED TOO SOON!" she screeched, "TOOOO SOON!"

"Aww relax and have a martini," said Dev. "The guests are due to arrive any moment."

[RuneT]

Dev took a large sip from the martini, permitting an olive to pop into her mouth. While chewing she mumbled, "I have a plan". She spitted the stone on the floor while grinning.
Nyc raised her eyebrows in surprise. It was something about that grin that told her that this plan was something out of the ordinary, and she started to get very curious. A feeling she hadn’t had for weeks due to a life of heavy work loads and precious moments of sleep.
“a plan, eh?” She didn’t noticed that she switched over to her native Canadian accent, something she usually did when meeting the homeys or wanting to show someone that she was trustworthy and able to keep a secret.
Dev was looking out the window. The grin was gone, but she had a devious twinkle in her eyes. “Yes, a plan”, she replied while finishing off the martini.

[lapietra]

"Goody," said NYC, smiling devilishly. "I like plans."
BUZZZ!! It was Zenbabe. "Don't take a pic of Noxx! It's a trap!" she typed furiously.
"What the hell?" thought NYC. "What's going on?" she said to Dev.
"You're lucky I caught you in time," said Dev. She placed the drained martini glass on NYC's desk, and began to prepare another drink, this time making enough for two. "Noxx has evil intentions... he's just waiting for you to get interested enough... don't give in!!!"
"Whuh?" said NYC. "I'm just collecting pics of him... these'll bring a pretty penny on the black market...there are a lot of people who'd like to get ahold of these..."

Noxx sat, slouching slightly, in his tutu, a puzzled look on his face. What was taking so long? He slurped a bit more Windex, grimaced, and turned to his alternate keyboard. "Not biting," he typed. "Must attack from another angle."

[noxxville]

Leaping into his disuise like a tick into a fat man's bellybutton, Noxx was sure that this new, and considerably more devious, plan would work. He stood over his aresenal and took quick inventory.

Broomstick....check
Noodle Salad....check
Sloe Gin.....check
Twister Mat....check
Nestle Quik.....check
Catcher's Mitt...check
Pom-Poms....check-check

It was all beginning to come together.

[lapietra]

Rune watched as Noxx prepared himself for the next iteration of his dastardly plan. Damn, he thought. If only I'd had a backup plan. His eyes widened when he saw the implements in Noxx's depot. "Are you sure you need the noodle salad?" he responded to Noxx's last message. "Don't you think you're overdoing it a bit?"

Noxx grinned, his eyes narrowing with the intensity of his glee. He adjusted the fuchsia latex pantsuit slightly; a bit tighter than last wearing. All good. "Nothing's too much for this one," he muttered under his breath. He took his place in front of the monitor, and prepared to launch into the next phase...

[zenbabe]

"what am I doing here?"

[nycwriters]

Rune and Noxx whipped around surprised to see Zen sitting quietly in the corner with a bottle of wine.

They hadn't seen her come in.

"AAARG!" said Rune. "Now you know the plan!"

"Quick," said Noxx, "call Dinz, he knows how to deal with women like this."

Zen looked up, sipped her wine, threw the glass with a smash into the fireplace and said: "Bring it on boys," assuming a karate chop position.

Out in the bushes, Dickie was taking notes.

[priceyfatprude]

In the distance, Dinz heard a faint ringing sound....

[noxxville]

slowly, MoN came bounding into view, dressed up in a Santa Suit and holding a stuffed reigndeer.

"Am I too late?" he asked, exhausted.

"Apparently not," snickered Zen while she pointed towards Noxx and Rune, "You see these two clowns are still here."

Rune, extremely offended, shot back "Cosmetically-enhanced Entertainment Representative IS the preferred title."

[Deviate]

"pants."

[zenbabe]

Zen moves in for the kill, running at full speed towards dinz, quick leap into the air with, one leg outstretched towards dinz's head, but in a kicking motion....

CAM FREEZES...SWIRLS AROUND DINZ MATRIX STYLE...FINISH AT BEGINNING SCEEN.

*KABLAM*

Dinz goes down....noxx and mon stare blankly at what is soon to be there demise.

Peg lights up a smoke with a knowing grin...

[masterofNone]

moN explodes in a rare example of spontaneous combustion.

[zenbabe]

All that remain are his "pants"...all part of dev's hex..

[nycwriters]

Red Princess walks in. High heels clacking over the ceramic floor, lacy white lingerie strap peeking out from under her angora sweater.

Within five seconds, she explains why spontaneous combustion is impossible, via scientific deduction, and *poof* MoN miraculously reappears.

"This is better than Sigfried and Roy," says a jaw-dropped Zen, relaxing in a corner with a bottle of cabernet she magically made appear from under her white karate suit (don't ask).

Rune and Noxx's jaws are dropped, seeing A: a woman with white lacy lingerie and B: the miraculous re-emergence of MoN.

Dinz, a crumpled pile in the corner, suddenly springs to life at the mention of heels and lingerie.

[zenbabe]

CUE FOLEY SOUND: click..click..click..RP walks towards noxx, knowing she has won before she has even begun...dragging her heels is like nails on a chalk board to noxx and she knows it....Zen cackles to herself, cause laughing is just so funny...all the sudden..a concerto is heard...distant...yet near....

[nycwriters]

Zen's glass suddenly shatters into a million pieces from some unbelievably high octave.

"What the?!" she curses under her breath. "Red wine is a BITCH to get out of white clothes!"

Eyes wide, all heads turn to the doorknob which is moving.

"Ok, boys," walks in a cool, hip Lala. She gives the room a wicked grin. "You think you can handle THIS?"

And she prepares to sing ... her skin tight teflon coated catsuit hypnotizing the crowd.

Meanwhile Rimmer is frantically out in the fields of Wisconsin looking for cheese. Somewhere, somehow, cheese will save the day!

[Red Princess]

"wait a minute here" says ze at the main monitor "something is not right, how is rmr going to get back in time with the cheese?"

"don't worry" amanda says in a soothing voice " we have that covered with the time space continuum distorter. i programmed it yesterday. it will all work out, see? look at the monitor again"
they both peer into the glowing screen that shows the cyberspace world and characters that they created. soon it would all become evident what the plan was....

[noxxville]

Amidst the chaos, noxx slips away. He puts on the coveted "white suit" from saturday night fever. The lights drop, and the Bee-Gees begin to play.

[Red Princess]

suddenly the screen on the main monitor went blank and smoke billowed out of it "quick, amanda, get the fire extinguisher!" yelled ze "the system can't handle the beegees! we are going to have a meltdown and all will be lost!'
amanda ran for the fire extinguisher...

[noxxville]

in the background, the music begins to hum...

Well, you can tell by the way I use my walk,
I'm a woman's man: no time to talk.
Music loud and women warm, I've been kicked around
since I was born.
And now it's all right. It's OK.
And you may look the other way.
We can try to understand
the New York Times' effect on man.

[nycwriters]

Suddenly, from out of the bushes, a pack of angry feminists descended upon white suit Saturday Night Fever struttin' Noxx.

"Whoa, ladies," he said, "there's no need to fight, there's enough of me to go around."

They pounced, ripping and tearing, screeching like banshees.

In the bushes, Dickie moved locations, alarmed that he had almost been discovered. He watched what could have been his fate as Noxx is attacked. He scribbled more notes furiously.

"What a woman wants?!" one screeched. "Woman's man?!"

A cloud of debris encircled the mass.

"Hey, watch it! Don't touch thereeee...." gasped Noxx. "Oh wait, yeah, that's it, THERE. YAH BABY!!!"

Several minutes later, Noxx emerges from the cloud of debris, smoking a cigarette, a big grin on his face. He had "Just Been Tucked" hair.

"Here," he said, tossing a pack of cigarettes over his shoulders at the now melting pile of feminists he left in his wake.

"Don't go," a weak voice could be heard in the distance as the now beraggled Noxx strutted off.

Meanwhile back at Peg's place, Dev and Peg have been searching the Internet and stumbled upon a website that seemed to be weaving a tale about them.

"Huh," said Peg. "How did they know? HOW DID THEY KNOW?!"

"But wait," said Dev, popping another olive into her mouth with a gulp of martini, "if Ze's with Amanda, who the hell have we got tied up and bagged in the corner there?"

The girls looked over at the inert bag of person.

Dev took out a stick and poked the bag.

"Mmmmmf!" said the bag.

"Open it Peg," said Dev.

"I'm not gonna open it, YOU open it," said Peg.

"I'm not gonna open it, YOU open it," said Dev.

They stared at each other.

The door opened and in walked Frieda. She looked at the horrified faces on both Dev and Peg.

"Oh for the love of God, you wimps," said Frieda, and unfurled the bag.

Out popped MadMack.

"I was just looking for the beer," he said, a sheepish grin on his face.

Meanwhile back in Wisconsin there was a mighty shriek: "I FOUND IT! I FOUND THE CHEESE!"

It was Rimmer.

Unfortunately her epic discovery was overpowered by Lala as she began to mesmerize Rune, now alone with MoN, as Noxx gave them the slip. Her voice rose to unfathomable octaves.

Her hips swayed, her arms moved in rythm, Rune's eyes began to droop, a goofy smile crossed his face. In the corner MoN was muttering to himself.

On the floor, there was movement ... Dinz was awakening. Well.... PART of him was awakening. He too had a sheepish grin.

[Frieda]

"hey!" said MoN, pointing at Dinz.. "i think someone wants to rub his dragon!"

[nycwriters]

Zen looked over at MoN.

She opened her mouth. She closed it. She opened her mouth again ....

She adjusted her karate outfit.

"Here, have some wine," she said.

[Madmack]

Mack said.. "Wine is cool.. but there has to be a beer around here somewhere... ' 'Peg drank the last Keith's and ran out the door wearing nothing but a slip and a pair of stilettos'

[lapietra]

Without stopping her ecstatic trilling, Lala plucked a Bass out of thin air and handed it to Mack. She waved her hand and all glasses were refilled, including her own.
Rune pepped up a bit and took a sip from his drink. "Mmmmm," he said. "Time to change..." He wandered off in the direction of Noxx's closet to search for a suitable gown.

[nycwriters]

Peg and Frieda and Dev looked at each other in shock.

"How'd we all get in the same house? And where'd all these people suddenly appear from?!" asked a confused Frieda.

"One moment it was just me and Dev and Peg, oh and Mack waking up for a beer," she continued. "And the next thing you know we have five new bodies."

"Shhh," said Dev. "It's magic."

[Deviate]

"They have all been summoned by the supreme power of Pants!" Dev screamed. "MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

[lapietra]

Rune quickly returned, swathed in yards of red silk, a tiara firmly nestled in his dark curls. He struck a pose, imperiously.
All eyes were riveted on him.
Abruptly, Lala stopped singing, overcome with envy. Infuriated, Zen did a stunning series of backflips to where Rune stood, narrowly missing Mack, who choked on a large swig of beer, spluttering with laughter.
Dev and Peg looked at each other knowingly, brows arched, lips pursed.
Dinz muttered, chuckled under his breath, and went back to sleep.
Rimmer waved a wheel of fine cheddar under his nose, trying to revive him.

No one noticed as Beale peeked his head in the door, an expression of amazement on his face, clutching a large handful of gaudy beaded necklaces.

[Red Princess]

"it's hammer time!"

but the time space continuum distorter started to over load, people in the room began to waver like heat waves on the desert floor.

[lapietra]

Colors melted and swirled together; a loud metallic hum sounded menacingly; gaudy beads became entangled with red silk and cheddar...

Out of the center of this chaos stepped Noel, white light radiating from him in every direction. A blue Fender Stratocaster was slung upon his hip. Quietly he began to strum..

As the sweet chords floated from the instrument, form began to reinstate itself. Soon all in the room sat, whole, discrete, and dazed, listening peacefully to the music.

Mack finished off the last of his beer. "Yup," he said. He walked over to Noxx's closet, pulled out another guitar, and started playing rhythm.

[Red Princess]

"yup" said Mack, "Bill and Ted were right, this is most excellent."

[lapietra]

A low rumbling sounded from the closet.
Suddenly, the door flew open.
Several pairs of skis fell out, followed by moN, brushing off his clothes and swearing mightily. He looked around the room, and caught Beale's eye. "*There* you are!!" he bellowed, and took off after Beale.
Soon after he thundered out the door, Ze walked calmly in. "So," he said, looking around the room with a glowing smile. "I see you all got the memo. Glad to see you could make it. I expect the others should join us shortly."

[priceyfatprude]

bump

[zenbabe]

There was a loud thud as the door slammed shut...footsteps could be heard running down the corridor...in the distance beale's voice could be heard screaming "anything but the abso-slut!" Then silence.

Ze checked his watch and said "let the beatings begin" With that, Spicey Jack emerged from the shadows with a plate of Nacho's wearing nothing but an "I just voted" sticker. A slow grin spread across her face as she made her way across the room....

[zenbabe]

^^Bump

[Clytie]

Lala's lower lip sticks out in a pout, "She got Nachos when she voted? I didnt even get the sticker"

Dinz, leering, "wow if she was at the polls even I would have voted Bush"

[joppa.gal]

At that moment Good old George W. popped in and waved his cowboy hat.

"Afternoon! I'm enforcing the Patriot Act on y'all, so I'm searching this here area. "

He froze when he saw Spicy Jack. Rumor has it that there was a bulge under his jacket. He paused while he was fed information.

"Well, Spicy, Laura and I are going to have to to the White House for dinner and a national teleconference. Not time to change, you will be an inspiration to the American people!"

A bunch of sunglassed men ran in and threw Spicy into a sack while all the zeMoneys stared in shock. Finally Zen broke the silence, launching herself at Bush, but it was too late. She was blocked by Cheney's strongarm.