Children's Books You'll Never See

[Angry Kid Hoyt]

What follow's is a list from a contest from the Washington Post...but I think we can certainly think of more.
1. Some Kittens Can Fly!
2. Where Would You Like to Be Buried?
3. The Kids' Guide to Hitchhiking
4. What Is That Dog Doing to That Other Dog?
5. Why Can't Mr. Fork and Ms. Electrical Outlet Be Friends?
6. Bi-Curious George
7. Daddy Drinks Because You Cry
8. You Are Different and That's Bad
9. How To Dress Sexy for Grownups
10. All Dogs Go to Hell
11. Mr. Policeman Eats His Service Revolver
12. You Are Different and That's Bad
13. Fun with Pointy Things
14. Keep Picking At It
15. It's Your Fault They Got a Divorce
16. If it's in a Bottle Drink It
17. You Can Fly Too If You Wear a Cape
18. Sharing is For the Weak
19. Plastic Bag Space Helmet and Other Fun Activities
20. Razor, Razor, Who's Got the Razor?
21. Is the Stove Hot Yet?
22. The New Baby is Better Than You
23. You Are Different and That's Bad
24. Pop! Goes The Hamster... And Other Great Microwave Games
25. Testing Homemade Parachutes Using Household Pets
26. Babar Meets the Taxidermist
27. Curious George and the High-Voltage Fence
28. The Boy Who Died from Eating All His Vegetables
29. Things Rich Kids Have, But You Never Will
30. How to Become The Dominant Military Power In Your Elementary School
31. Controlling the Playground: Respect through Fear
32. Strangers Have the Best Candy
33. The Little Sissy Who Snitched
34. Some Kittens Can Fly!
35. Where Would You Like to Be Buried?
36. Kathy Was So Bad Her Mom Stopped Loving Her
37. Garfield Gets Feline Leukemia
38. The Magic World inside the Abandoned Refrigerator
39. Whining, Kicking and Crying to Get Your Way
40. You Were an Accident
41. Your Nightmares Are Real
42. Places Where Mommy and Daddy Hide Neat Things

[Angry Kid Hoyt]

Let Us Go and Play: Drink What's Under the Sink

[Marcus Bales]

Playing in Traffic

[Veruki]

1 pill, 2 pills, red pill, blue pill

[Marcus Bales]

A Child's Hobo Jungle

[Tunesmith]

Hahahah...Hoyt, my parents had that list on the refrigerator when I was young! :D

Some of them make a bit more sense now. :rolleyes:

Thanks for the memories...

[Marcus Bales]

Mr Gun and Mr Bullet

[YsaPur EsChomuw]

Shell Game on a Minefield

[Coffee]

You are too poor to ever become President.

[Marcus Bales]

Masturbation Secrets

[T.I.P.]

Janet Skimpythong Gets Disco Fever

[Angry Kid Hoyt]

No, Bobby, Grampa isn't Sleeping.

[YsaPur EsChomuw]

101 cool things To Do With Grampa's Dentures

[Coffee]

Fun with Matches.

[Stephi_B]

How to trick grown-ups
Vol. II (advanced learners)

[Coffee]

There is no Soda under the Sink, and other lies your parents tell you.

[Brynn]

Up On The Roof: Tricks To Try At Home

[trisherina]

More Monkeys Jumping on the Bed, Please

[Coffee]

Peter and the Cougar

[Coffee]

The Anarchist's Cookie Jar

[hypnoplasm]

The Soft, Soft Bunny Who Lives in the Garbage Disposal.

[T.I.P.]

If you hold your breath when you touch them the nettles won't sting you, and other little known botanical facts

[YsaPur EsChomuw]

Kiss the Girls and Make Them Cry

[trisherina]

Inside Every Capsule: Yummy Powder

[hypnoplasm]

Mommy and Daddy's Secret Plan to Leave You at Grandma's... Forever.

[Odbe]

The Anarchist's Cookie Jar

:D

[Stephi_B]

^seconded :D

How to decorate walls, furniture, garden and much more while Mum and Dad are away

(Available also as set with basic tool kit, paint in all your favourite colours, easy-to-use oxyacetylene gas welding equipment and handy plastic explosive)

[YsaPur EsChomuw]

The Book of Names You Can Call Others

revised edition:

The Big Book of Politically Incorrect Names
(user-friendly with large font, easy-to-use, with alphabetical listing and added illustrations)

[Marcus Bales]

A Child's Garden of Curses

[Coffee]

Words your parents spell.

A Few of your Parent's Buttons...and how to push them.

Creative Lying *volume 1, Half truths.

[YsaPur EsChomuw]

How to Paint Cool Pictures with Your Food

[Frieda]

your nose: a clever place to hide stuff

[hypnoplasm]

Fun Places to Go Number 2

[Veruki]

Show you care, share with a bear

[Coffee]

Born Free, Free Wild Pets.
V.1
Rats, mice, snakes, bugs, frogs.
V.2
Squirrels, Fox, Raccoons, Skunks, Coyote pups.
V.3
Deer, Wild Boar, Bear Cubs, Birds of Prey.

[YsaPur EsChomuw]

Getting a Closer Look at Animals in the Zoo

[Veruki]

That's not were babies come from

[Coffee]

The Boo Boo face.
A Child's book of Manipulation.

[Coffee]

King Babar's Secret Hippo Harem.

[Marcus Bales]

What Hoyt and YsaPur did in the hotel room.

[Veruki]

great things to watch on late night tv

[Marcus Bales]

What "Porn" Means

[Veruki]

Good places to leave the camcorder on

[YsaPur EsChomuw]

Don't Stop Nagging!

[Stephi_B]

100 great things to smoke when your mother has hidden her cigarettes too well

[Marcus Bales]

Running With Scissors, And Other Staircase Games

[Veruki]

Timmy goes to juvi

[Marcus Bales]

Hoyt's Pipe

[Angry Kid Hoyt]

The Tales of Marcus Bales Pop-up Book

[Marcus Bales]

Hoyt's Pipe Dream

[YsaPur EsChomuw]

Nice and Nasty Barbie and Ken kit

[Marcus Bales]

What's a Boy Crush Daddy?

[YsaPur EsChomuw]

SM Games for Boys and Girls

[Marcus Bales]

Get In The Van Before Your Mother Sees Us, and other stories.

[YsaPur EsChomuw]

Let's See How Much Can You Fit In and other stories with a very bad ending

[hypnoplasm]

How to Get Your Picture on the Milk Carton

[trisherina]

Another Sick Day for Daddy

[Coffee]

What really happens when "Fluffy goes off to the farm".

[YsaPur EsChomuw]

Parents: A User's Manual

[Marcus Bales]

How to Hate People Not Like You

[YsaPur EsChomuw]

Tantrums and Other Ways of Keeping Parents on the Edge

[Coffee]

Things they don't tell you: Volume 9
The 17.99 year allowance. Shoplifting, tips and techniques.

[hypnoplasm]

The Seven Habits of Highly Disfunctional Brats

[Coffee]

I want it! Why?
Mantras for profit

[YsaPur EsChomuw]

99 Methods of Embarrassing Your Parents in Public Places

[Veruki]

Annoy the sh*t out of everyone

[hypnoplasm]

Sabotage Your Diapers to Create Fun and Unholy Messes

[treekisser]

Tooth Fairy Economics

[trisherina]

Ridding the Home of New Babies

[Hyakujo's Fox]

You Were An Accident
- and 100 other reasons your parents might not really love you.

[Hyakujo's Fox]

The Child's Guide to De-Proofing Your Home

[hypnoplasm]

Hitting the Road at Three: Real-Life Toddlers' Tell Their Tales of Living on the Streets

[YsaPur EsChomuw]

What Else Is There to Destroy?
(Creative ways of making use of the time when left unattended)

[Coffee]

The Escape Artist.

Latches, locks, gates and rails - Demystified
Includes 101 bright water color illustrations, wiring diagrams, and exploded part breakdowns.

[hypnoplasm]

Two Birthdays is Just The Beginning:
Reasons Why You Can and Should Destroy Your Parents' Relationship

[Marcus Bales]

Sleep Deprivation: What it is. How to use it.

[YsaPur EsChomuw]

How to Talk When You're Asleep - Intermediate level

[Marcus Bales]

Screaming in the theater: choosing your moment.

[Veruki]

The Adventures of Marcus and YsaPur

[Marcus Bales]

Veruki and Hoyt Share A Pipe

[trisherina]

Honing the Sense of Entitlement

[YsaPur EsChomuw]

Countless Ways of Imposing Your Will

[Coffee]

Rockem Sockem Parents
Use em against each other.

[hypnoplasm]

The Art of the Tantrum, Part 5: High-Register Screaming Techniques

[T.I.P.]

Learn how to get more expensive toys through blackmail

[Marcus Bales]

Unbreakable Toys: Use Them To Break Other Toys

[YsaPur EsChomuw]

Parents and Other Relatives: Use Them or Lose Them

[Marcus Bales]

Horny Uncle Bob The Babysitter

[YsaPur EsChomuw]

Mortal Fluffy (imported from some obscure Asian country)

[Marcus Bales]

Swallowing Goldfish, the Guinness Book of World Records, and You

[YsaPur EsChomuw]

Let's See What You're Like from the Inside!
(Self-harm for Beginners)

[Marcus Bales]

Tattoos At Home

[YsaPur EsChomuw]

Icky Puppy Got an Owie
(Pet Torture)

[Hyakujo's Fox]

Night of the Gerbil

[Brynn]

Abandoned At The Mall: Story of a Bad Little Boy

[Coffee]

Wiping your own ass, for dummies.

[YsaPur EsChomuw]

Describe your nose!
(A nosophile handbook of phrases less than 22 words)

[YsaPur EsChomuw]

Ooops, wrong thread. It's way too early, but still, I'm sorry.
The previous post should be in the tiny rubbishy booklet thread.

[Odbe]

It could be in either, I think :) Still, at least you didn't put it in the What's for lunch thread.

[treekisser]

How to Win at Sibling Rivalry

[trisherina]

Social Workers in Your Neighbourhood

[treekisser]

Drugs R Us

[YsaPur EsChomuw]

911 And Other Prank Calls

[treekisser]

Candy is Good for Your Health

[YsaPur EsChomuw]

The Art of Getting Lost

[seebe]

How to Make the Perfect Noose for the Hanging Game.
A Perfect High without those expensive drugs.

[Coffee]

The Kama Sutra Comic Book.

[treekisser]

Dropping a Dime on Your Parents

[YsaPur EsChomuw]

Poo Paintings
Excremental Experiments

[Marcus Bales]

Your Bad Dreams Are True

[YsaPur EsChomuw]

When to Use the F word?
(Vocabulary Builder)

[Coffee]

Where the Horney Things Are

The Black Stud Muffin

The Dick and John readers

The Little Dildo that Could

One Pill, Two Pill, Red Pill, Blue Pill

THE OWL AND THE PVSSY

Fox in Nylons

[Coffee]

MIKE MULLIGAN AND HIS POWER TOOL

THE MAGIC SCHOOL BUS INSIDE THE HUMAN PELVIS

[Coffee]

FROG AND TOAD ARE FRIENDS WITH BENEFITS

THE SHRINKING OF PEEHORN

IN A DARK, DARK ROOM: AND OTHER SEXY STORIES

[Coffee]

RAMONA THE HO

PETER PAIN

JAMES AND THE GIANT PRICK

[Coffee]

WINNIE-THE-POO

LASSIE, CUM HOME

THE HABBIT

MONICA'S ADVENTURES IN WASHINGTON

[Coffee]

WHERE THE RED SHROOM GROWS

THE MARK OF THE BEAVER

DADDY-LONG-THIRD-LEG

THE PHANTOM RESTROOM BOOTH

[Marcus Bales]

The Uncle Coffee Reader

[treekisser]

Coffee, the Pornographic Librarian

[YsaPur EsChomuw]

The Big Bang
How To Blow Up the Universe
(a DIY-kit included)

[Veruki]

GET THAT AWAY FROM ME!
things girls pretend they don't want to see

[treekisser]

Running Away From Home, on $15 a Day

[treekisser]

Just Say No ... to Toilet Training

[YsaPur EsChomuw]

A Collection of Questions Your Parents Want to be Asked in Public

[trisherina]

Blurting Mummy's Age for Fun and Profit

[Coffee]

Defeating Parental Controls, The Web They Don't Want You To See.

[Marcus Bales]

Idi Amin's Excellent Adventure

[YsaPur EsChomuw]

Be Afraid!

[Marcus Bales]

The NeoModern Paradigm of Consensus

[treekisser]

The Britney Spears Diary

[Marcus Bales]

Reach Inside Uncle Emmett's Galligaskins

[Brynn]

Making Friends in The Public Restrooms: The Continuing Adventures of Uncle Emmett

[Marcus Bales]

Uncle Emmett and the Zipper of Doom

[YsaPur EsChomuw]

Uncle Emmett becomes Aunt Emma

[Marcus Bales]

Uncle Emmett's Remarkable Appendage

[YsaPur EsChomuw]

Uncle Emmett in Prison: The Continuing Adventures of Uncle Emmett

Uncle Emmett Unbound: The Continuing Adventures of Uncle Emmett

[Marcus Bales]

Uncle Emmett and his Hideaway

[Brynn]

Uncle Emmett and His Bag of Creepy Playthings

[Marcus Bales]

Uncle Emmettysnicket

[YsaPur EsChomuw]

Uncle Emmett's Marvellous Medicine

[Marcus Bales]

Uncle Emmett's Pink Cadillac

[treekisser]

The Carnivorous Pillow and Other Bedtime Stories

[Marcus Bales]

Uncle Emmett's Trouser Trout

[treekisser]

Harry Reems Unzipped

[Coffee]

Dumbledore's "Administrative Leave" in Gay Paris.

[Marcus Bales]

Isaiah and the Fifty Bears

[Coffee]

The Playground Warrior Compendium

Vol. 1 - Armory
****Bic®pen zip guns
****Foil core spit wads
****paper clip slingshot rounds
****rubber band ballistas

Vol. 2 - Traps and snares

Vol. 3 - The Art of the Paper Cut

Vol. 4 - Political Solutions

[Hyakujo's Fox]

Kids are from Mars, Teachers are from Planet Doodoo-Head

[Marcus Bales]

Doundaking Your Shagreen

[YsaPur EsChomuw]

Things to Do with Flies

[Marcus Bales]

Things to Do with Flies

There's just two: zipping them down before and zipping them up after, aren't there?


Sarde and DeSade: How To!

[treekisser]

Becoming a Flasher

[brightpearl]

The Eskimo Kiss, and Other Practices Only a Demon Mom from Hell Would Encourage You to Do

[Coffee]

Making a fortune while you can.
Child porn for young entrepreneurs

[Odbe]

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v222/Odbe/uncleemmett.jpg

[Hyakujo's Fox]

^instant classic :D



Annals of Occupational Hygiene 2000

[YsaPur EsChomuw]

^^ :D That's a book I want to have! :D

The Hidden Dangers of Hygiene

[Coffee]

^^^Frighteningly close to how my mind's eye pictured Bales. :eek:)

(nice illustration Odbe!!! :) )


Gene's Annual Illustrated Annals of Anal Occupations.

[treekisser]

Shitake, Doundake and other Edible Mushrooms

[Marcus Bales]

The Big Picture Book of Ebola

[Hyakujo's Fox]

My First Kama Sutra

[Marcus Bales]

The Dick and Vagina Reader

[YsaPur EsChomuw]

Fun Facts about Fornication

[Coffee]

He+He, He+She, She+He, She+She, He/She+He, She/He+She, He/She+She, She/He+He...It/It+It/It.
The "What sex are you?" primer for confused kids.

[treekisser]

The Invisible Book of Ghosts

[Hyakujo's Fox]

All The Chocolate I Could Eat and Other True Runaway Stories

[Marcus Bales]

Coping: the manual for street kids

[treekisser]

Fifty Ways to Leave Your Mother

[Coffee]

^^^ :D :D

[Marcus Bales]

Thumbing the Plumbing: Masturbation Techniques for Girls

[YsaPur EsChomuw]

Thumbelina
(A Fairy Tale with a Twist)

[Hyakujo's Fox]

Crazy Mixed Up Kids
~ The 12 Things You Need To Do Right Now To Start Building Your Successful Insanity Defense.

[Coffee]

The Art of Bullying

[Hyakujo's Fox]

The Dirt Cookbook

[Coffee]

101 cool things other kids were able to shove up their noses and ear canals.

[Marcus Bales]

Never Tell Mommy: It's Our Secret!

[treekisser]

The Big Book of Streakers and Flashers

[Marcus Bales]

A Baby's Arm With An Apple In It -- A guide to adult language

[Marcus Bales]

Touched -- But Not By An Angel

[trisherina]

Being Older -- It Really Is Better

[Brynn]

Larry Porter and Order of The Junior Realtors of America

[Marcus Bales]

Lonesome Love: A hands-on guide

[Coffee]

Bounce Baby Bounce: The Richard Simmons Bouncer-cize book for beautiful wonderful gorgeous healthy toddlers

[Hyakujo's Fox]

Larry Porter and the Jacksonville Regional Chamber of Commerce

[Coffee]

Larry Porter and the Cease and Desist Order

[Marcus Bales]

Ron and Hermione and Harry and Cho starring Natalie Wood, Robert Culp, Elliott Gould and Dyan Cannon.

[lukkucairi]

Time Slip - Larry Porter and the Interminable Life Insurance Seminar of Doom

[treekisser]

The Autobiography of Marcus Bales

[Marcus Bales]

The Autobiography of Marcus Bales

Omg that is so right -- because there'd be ... POEMS in it!

[Hyakujo's Fox]

Grammar

[Brynn]

Why You're Not The Favorite

[YsaPur EsChomuw]

Pressurize Your Parents

part II: Pressurize Your Peers

[Marcus Bales]

There Can Be Only One: the Illustrated Book of Sibling Rivalry

[Brynn]

Larry Porter and the Sorceror's Kidney Stone

[Hyakujo's Fox]

Larry Porter and the Half-Drunk Queen

[Marcus Bales]

Larry Porter and the Infield Fly Rule

[brightpearl]

How many beans will fit in your nose?

[Coffee]

Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? ...
Persuasion techniques for the persistent.

[Marcus Bales]

The Wind In Your Hair: how to remove safety gear

[seebe]

No It's Not A Boo Boo - The Real Reason Daddy's Pants Get Biigger When He looks At Mama

[Coffee]

Squint when the chips fly!

The toddler's wood shop safety primer.

[Frieda]

cupboard treasures-- 1001 cool mixed drinks from under the kitchen sink

[YsaPur EsChomuw]

The Ladyird Book of the Policeman (http://seorant.ath.cx/police/ladybird.html)

[MoJoRiSin]

^:D :D :D

[Brynn]

"Could you do that? Someone has to do it if we all want to live in a free world."
:D

[YsaPur EsChomuw]

After the Dark
A Survivor's Manual for Runaway Children

[Marcus Bales]

Crack Pipes Of The World
An Illustrated User's Guide

[trisherina]

Being Good: The Profit Motive

[Hyakujo's Fox]

Crack Is A Sometimes Drug

[Marcus Bales]

Methamphetamine: A How-to Guide for Little Hands

[lukkucairi]

Scabs Taste Good and Other Health-related Factoids

[Marcus Bales]

Hit the Doggie!

[treekisser]

Misterrogers unzipped

[Marcus Bales]

Penis Pictures For Kids

[YsaPur EsChomuw]

Sticks And Stones

A hands-on booklet for bullies with illustrated examples, CD-ROM included

[Marcus Bales]

Making a Shiv in Shop - the Anti-Bullie Handbook

[YsaPur EsChomuw]

Black And Blue
or
Make A Stand With Added Colour

A Booklet for Advanced Bullies

[Marcus Bales]

Ganging Up -- Advanced Anti-bullying Guide

[YsaPur EsChomuw]

Gag a Maggot

The Point of No Return for Bullies

[Marcus Bales]

The Brachiopod and the Podiatrist: a love story in many parts

Shoeing the Brachiopod: the unsung labor of Herakles

[Coffee]

Step on the crack, break your fvcking back

and other favorite ghetto ryhmes

[Marcus Bales]

Even Scooby DooDoos

[YsaPur EsChomuw]

The Big Book of Mustn'ts for Adventurous Kids

[Marcus Bales]

Free Verse: How To Waste Your Talent And Stay UnKnown

[YsaPur EsChomuw]

Lukku's Bedtime Stories of Disturbing Dreams

[trisherina]

Why Johnny Can't Read, Kindle edition

[Marcus Bales]

How Slugs Mate

[Bman]

One fish two fish DON'T GO TO COLLEGE

[Marcus Bales]

James and the Giant Bitch

[LeahDear]

From the Mr Men series:

Little Missed Period

[Marcus Bales]

It's Not A Salami (and it's not really hidden): Deconstructing Euphemisms for Tots and Toddlers.

[LeahDear]

My First Rave - Fun with "X"

[lukkucairi]

Fun With Edge-Weapons

[LeahDear]

Bi-Curious George

[trisherina]

The Proverbial Dog Farm and Other Inconvenient Truths

[Marcus Bales]

Loading Daddy's Handgun

[Coffee]

Kitchen-Ninja V.1 - Poisons and Caustics
Kitchen-Ninja V.2 - Lethal Tools
Kitchen-Ninja V.3 - Explosive Ingredients
Kitchen-Ninja V.4 - Silent Food Preparation
Kitchen-Ninja V.5 - Apron of Death/Apron of Disguise

[Brynn]

The Proverbial Dog Farm and Other Inconvenient Truths
To this day, my 78-year-old mother insists that Sport went to a farm.

[trisherina]

Perhaps when I'm 78 I'll purchase a farm for difficult to train family dogs and let them roam free on it, just to balance out the universe. I'll call it Proverbial Dog Farm...

What to Expect When You're Expecting, Tween Edition

[Marcus Bales]

Choosing Your Madrass: A Tweenie Guide to the Taliban

[Coffee]

Dick gets Jane pregnant

[Marcus Bales]

Dick Goes To Columbine

[brightpearl]

Happy Hamster: Gourmet Cooking for your Smelly, Ill-Tempered Little Rodent

oh, wait... (http://www.amazon.com/Happy-Hamster-Mathijs-van-Paauw/dp/0811871142)

[Marcus Bales]

Rim Jobs for Kids

[trisherina]

Executive Function and Why You Will Never Amount to Much

[Marcus Bales]

The Hairy Potter and the Absquatulate Urn