In My Bed (Three Word Story)

[bealeblues]

In my bed

[dinzdale]

the alligator stirred

[beckstra]

leaving me to

[masterofNone]

seek sounder accommodations

[dinzdale]

closer to the

[TinaBina]

calm sexy blonde

[beckstra]

across the hall.

[AllegroNg]

I was wearing

[dinzdale]

the uniform of

[masterofNone]

love and nothing

[AllegroNg]

I hadn't shaved

[maxamo]

but danced wildly

[AllegroNg]

because it itched

[beckstra]

Who knew? Anyway,

[masterofNone]

she couldn't refuse

[lapietra]

their lemon blossoms

[AllegroNg]

and she wanted

[bealeblues]

to know why

[beckstra]

I smelled yummy.

[masterofNone]

I quietly volunteered

[beckstra]

her my neck,

[amanda]

and a toe.

[lapietra]

Swiftly and expertly

[shadowfax]

she slapped me

[amanda]

with her toe

[AllegroNg]

Then she said

[dinzdale]

"Who told you...

[AllegroNg]

to offer me

[dinzdale]

as ritual sacrifice..

[AllegroNg]

to the gods

[masterofNone]

?" "The Aligator God."

[dinzdale]

I showed her

[AllegroNg]

my many cuticles

[dinzdale]

and the alligator

[zenbabe]

bit them off

[dinzdale]

without apology. She

[AllegroNg]

then gave me

[masterofNone]

an emory board

[dinzdale]

and a smile

[zenbabe]

just then a..

[Enqrypzion]

new vision came...

[BonzoDog]

and bit me...

[beckstra]

in the crotch.

[zenbabe]

"ouch" I said

[masterofNone]

leaping to safety

[zenbabe]

from the ledge

[dinzdale]

overlooking the city

[maxamo]

lights. When the

[dinzdale]

fog cleared, I

[masterofNone]

spat down on

[lapietra]

my patent leather

[beckstra]

hot pants and

[Fluffygorilla]

blue suede shoes.

[amanda]

"Look at the

[masterofNone]

situation this way

[theblade]

, it rains here.

[Wench]

You need a

[dinzdale]

way to find

[Wench]

shelter in a

[AllegroNg]

heart-shaped bath tub

[jaggarite]

then call your

[dinzdale]

mother and explain

[masterofNone]

. Maybe She'll give

[dinzdale]

your father another

[Deviate]

drink and convince

[AllegroNg]

his drunken uncle

[amanda]

to buy you

[AllegroNg]

that toy train

[Fluffygorilla]

from Bob's Bunghole

[Deviate]

. The alligators call

[Panda]

your mom names

[Cr.Box]

and spank her...

[AllegroNg]

right pinkey toe

[masterofNone]

. Zippady doodah day.

[cosmo949]

Time to move

[dinzdale]

this piano to

[Deviate]

the grave. Its

[dinzdale]

former owner had

[cosmo949]

used it as

[Dorkahontas]

nothing more than

[Cr.Box]

a bookmark.

[dinzdale]

I guess that's

[Deviate]

what happens when

[AllegroNg]

you tuna piano!!!

[masterofNone]

She giggled foolishly.

[Fluffygorilla]

She then felt

[littleclownhat]

ha ha ha

[cosmo949]

a hand at

[lapietra]

hee hee hee

[cosmo949]

her secret little

[lapietra]

stash of Nutella

[cosmo949]

"Oh, that's sticky"

[AllegroNg]

"Smother it on

[littleclownhat]

small and warm

[lapietra]

with banana slices!

[cosmo949]

Sharing is fun!

[AllegroNg]

But Barney can't

[cosmo949]

when Fred watches.

[Panda]

"damn pink dinosaurs",

[AllegroNg]

"Purple dinos, too!!"

[lapietra]

They fall over

[brittykitty]

like haiku reptiles

[Panda]

during cold waves

[cosmo949]

all over themselves

[JEdgarGroover]

a reptillian rebirth

[cosmo949]

magical yet horrific

[lapietra]

slimy snouts snorting

[cosmo949]

they quickly tire

[Panda]

of monopoly, even

[AllegroNg]

the Boardwalk seems

[cosmo949]

withdrawn and fretful

[lapietra]

. They *prefer* Go

[Panda]

and Jump tactics

[AllegroNg]

while collecting 200

[Panda]

year old lint

[nycwriters]

from aged bellybuttons

[AllegroNg]

. The Parkway isn't

[Lauren]

the space between

[cosmo949]

heaven and earth

[Lauren]

but a place

[cosmo949]

without limits or

[AllegroNg]

McDonalds with playgrounds!!

[jbisdaman]

Overlooked are Baltic

[AllegroNg]

slut monkeys. They

[jbisdaman]

are quick to

[Indigo]

pick a nit

[AllegroNg]

when they quit

[wickedcanobeans]

making harmony. Soon

[jbisdaman]

slut monkeys prance

[Indigo]

for their supper.

[Lauren]

They will find

[jbisdaman]

their efforts quickly

[wickedcanobeans]

are gone because

[Lauren]

they have no

[Indigo]

rhythm or tutus.

[wickedcanobeans]

Monkey's will jump,

[1kookykat]

licentiousness notwithstanding, over

[wickedcanobeans]

all of us

[Indigo]

, we'd better duck.

[1kookykat]

Tonight's their big

[Indigo]

off Broadway debut!

[wickedcanobeans]

I say we

[1kookykat]

grab our socks

[AllegroNg]

, wear them on

[1kookykat]

the outside of

[wickedcanobeans]

our exposed brains...

[Indigo]

and jump about

[1kookykat]

to signify that

[Indigo]

we are fertile.

[1kookykat]

"BASTARD MONKEY SLUTS!!

[ProfessionalGun]

I exclaimed when

[lapietra]

I skidded on

[noxxville]

the large lubricated

[nycwriters]

fabric softener package

[ProfessionalGun]

fresh from the

[1kookykat]

monkeys' Love Den

[Indigo]

. "That smells lovely!"

[noxxville]

, said the drugged

[nycwriters]

cross-dressing nanny

[noxxville]

as she yanked

[Indigo]

on her gelatinous

[funkytuba]

lug wrench. "How

[straymonk]

come that hurts

[daverbee]

if I touch

[sparticle]

anywhere but THERE?"

[Klynne]

just touch there

[weissenflatz]

but not gently,

[lapietra]

if you want

[Avalon]

me to smile.

[Willow Sylph]

It's been years

[Avalon]

since I did

[Hyakujo's Fox]

anything so... so...

[funkytuba]

TOUCH ME, DAMMIT!!!!!!!

[Hyakujo's Fox]

I reached gingerly

[beckstra]

and the alligator

[xerocs]

opened it's mouth

[zenbabe]

It's lunch time!

[weissenflatz]

the alligator tongue

[Klynne]

Soft to touch

[rapscalious rob]

smells quite gross

[Coffee]

, of Peanut butter

[Hyakujo's Fox]

(the oily kind)

[weissenflatz]

but pleasantly rough

[Klynne]

ouch that hurt!

[Marquesa]

Said the Aligator

[Klynne]

Then, he cried

[Marquesa]

real crocodile tears

[Klynne]

"Oh, don't cry"

[Hyakujo's Fox]

...you howling handbag!"

[Aphrodite]

I handed him

[weissenflatz]

a perfumed handkerchief

[straymonk]

He blew his

[weissenflatz]

cover, by displaying

[lapietra]

his turgid, giant

[Hyakujo's Fox]

malodorous snapping turtle.

[weissenflatz]

No where to

[Klynne]

run. No where

[weissenflatz]

put this enormous

[deirdregurl]

son and heir

[weissenflatz]

of the alligator

[Klynne]

in the pond

[deirdregurl]

sort of brackish

[weissenflatz]

foul stenching water

[Hyakujo's Fox]

with alligator bubbles

[weissenflatz]

From a distance,

[Klynne]

I could see

[weissenflatz]

a signpost, saying

[Clytie]

in red letters

[Abby Normal]

"DO NOT ENTER"

[Avalon]

So, naturally I

[Klynne]

entered the forbidden

[Frieda]

territory of the

[Clytie]

mentally insane Dr.

[weissenflatz]

Kitzlerbaum, whose reputation

[Clytie]

far surpassed that

[Avalon]

of Jack Kevokian

[Abby Normal]

He was known

[Abby Normal]

. Kitzlerbaum was known

[Klynne]

to perform savage

[Coffee]

experimental operations upon

[Klynne]

monkeys and small

[owlcage]

hybrid radish plants

[ally]

whose leaves would

[Frieda]

turn bright pink

[ally]

when pressed in

[owlcage]

the right order

[Klynne]

What should I

[ally]

do but try

[weissenflatz]

and forget about

[Abby Normal]

all that happened

[Klynne]

How will I

[Clytie]

ever survive without

[slurpeedemon]

my primary feather