communal limericks

[YsaPur EsChomuw]

My foot slipped; I fell on the ice
So did my tongue - it wasn't nice
The bitten-off end
was no way a friend

[Marcus Bales]

My foot slipped; I fell on the ice
So did my tongue - it wasn't nice
The bitten-off end
was no way a friend
it blackened like dots on the dice.

[Marcus Bales]

A tourist had tea in Darjeeling

[Hyakujo's Fox]

A tourist had tea in Darjeeling
Which brought on a curious feeling

[YsaPur EsChomuw]

A tourist had tea in Darjeeling
Which brought on a curious feeling
a sharp pang that rang

[funkytuba]

A tourist had tea in Darjeeling
Which brought on a curious feeling
A sharp pang that rang
From his yin to his yang

[Marcus Bales]

A tourist had tea in Darjeeling
Which brought on a curious feeling
A sharp pang that rang
From his yin to his yang
As his soul wafted up through the ceiling.

[Marcus Bales]

In a tavern in central Mombassa

[Hyakujo's Fox]

In a tavern in central Mombassa
There's a man who's reporting to NASA

[Marcus Bales]

In a tavern in central Mombassa
There's a man who's reporting to NASA
He says he's discovered

[treekisser]

In a tavern in central Mombassa
There's a man who's reporting to NASA
He says he's discovered
A spacecraft that hovered

[Marcus Bales]

In a tavern in central Mombassa
There's a man who's reporting to NASA
He says he's discovered
A spacecraft that hovered
And broadcast "Thalassa! Thalassa!"

[Marcus Bales]

An angry young man from East Wapping

[treekisser]

An angry young man from East Wapping
Used colorful language when rapping

[Marcus Bales]

An angry young man from East Wapping
Used colorful language when rapping
He raged about red
Then bashed blue instead

[treekisser]

An angry young man from East Wapping
Used colorful language when rapping
He raged about red
Then bashed blue instead
and departed, his white cane tap-tapping.

[Hyakujo's Fox]

The fellow from apartment 2-B

[Marcus Bales]

The fellow from apartment 2-B
Has a mother named Gertrude, and she

[YsaPur EsChomuw]

The fellow from apartment 2-B
Has a mother named Gertrude, and she
comes into his flat

[Marcus Bales]

The fellow from apartment 2-B
Has a mother named Gertrude, and she
comes into his flat
and frightens his cat

[YsaPur EsChomuw]

The fellow from apartment 2-B
Has a mother named Gertrude, and she
comes into his flat
and frightens his cat
now she's got to relinquish her key.

[Marcus Bales]

That guy from apartment 2-B
Has an uncle named Claudius -- he

[YsaPur EsChomuw]

That guy from apartment 2-B
Has an uncle named Claudius -- he
collects slick porn mags

[Marcus Bales]

That guy from apartment 2-B
Has an uncle named Claudius -- he
collects slick porn mags
in black plastic bags

[YsaPur EsChomuw]

That guy from apartment 2-B
Has an uncle named Claudius -- he
collects slick porn mags
in black plastic bags,
but dumps bodies into the sea.

[Coffee]

The girl in apartment 2-A

[YsaPur EsChomuw]

The girl in apartment 2-A
wanted a friend who was gay

[Marcus Bales]

The girl in apartment 2-A
wanted a friend who was gay
to get her with child
in a manner so wild

[Hyakujo's Fox]

The girl in apartment 2-A
wanted a friend who was gay
to get her with child
in a manner so wild
that she felt too embarassed to say

[Hyakujo's Fox]

But down in apartment 2-I

[Marcus Bales]

But down in apartment 2-I
It's guy-girl, girl-girl, and guy-guy

[YsaPur EsChomuw]

But down in apartment 2-I
It's guy-girl, girl-girl, and guy-guy
They're learning to dance

[Hyakujo's Fox]

But down in apartment 2-I
It's guy-girl, girl-girl, and guy-guy
They're learning to dance
In bell bottom pants

[Coffee]

But down in apartment 2-I
It's guy-girl, girl-girl, and guy-guy
They're learning to dance
In bell bottom pants
and needing a threesome that's bi

[Marcus Bales]

"In bell-bottom pants"? How outre!

[Hyakujo's Fox]

"In bell-bottom pants"? How outre!
I never have tried it that way

[Marcus Bales]

"In bell-bottom pants"? How outre!
I never have tried it that way
but since I can see

[funkytuba]

"In bell-bottom pants"? How outre!
I never have tried it that way
but since I can see
your pink thong popping free

[Marcus Bales]

"In bell-bottom pants"? How outre!
I never have tried it that way --
but since I can see
your pink thong popping free --
I think that I very well may.

[Hyakujo's Fox]

There once was a nun in a cloister

[Marcus Bales]

There once was a nun in a cloister
Who found singing hymns made her moister

[Hyakujo's Fox]

There once was a nun in a cloister
Who found singing hymns made her moister
to the priest she confessed

[Marcus Bales]

There once was a nun in a cloister
Who found singing hymns made her moister
to the priest she confessed
as she slowly undressed

[funkytuba]

There once was a nun in a cloister
Who found singing hymns made her moister
to the priest she confessed
as she slowly undressed.
He declared her possessed and devoiced her

[Marcus Bales]

He devoiced her with such a small cut

[funkytuba]

There once was a nun in a cloister
Who found singing hymns made her moister
to the priest she confessed
as she slowly undressed.
He declared her possessed and devoiced her

He devoiced her with such a small gag
That it didn't quite silence the hag

[Marcus Bales]

There once was a nun in a cloister
Who found singing hymns made her moister
to the priest she confessed
as she slowly undressed.
He declared her possessed and devoiced her

He devoiced her with such a small gag
That it didn't quite silence the hag
He took off her halter
and there on the altar

[funkytuba]

There once was a nun in a cloister
Who found singing hymns made her moister
to the priest she confessed
as she slowly undressed.
He declared her possessed and devoiced her

He devoiced her with such a small gag
That it didn't quite silence the hag.
Then he borrowed her halter
and there on the altar
They sang Wondrous Love, him in drag

[Marcus Bales]

They bowed as the Bishop walked in

[Marcus Bales]

They bowed as the Bishop walked in
Each hoping his own private sin

[Coffee]

They bowed as the Bishop walked in
Each hoping his own private sin
would pale in event
that today was Lent

[Marcus Bales]

They bowed as the Bishop walked in
Each hoping his own private sin
would pale in event
that today was Lent
And His Holiness blasted on gin

[Hyakujo's Fox]

I heard that an old pope in Rome
Had a thing for St Peter's dome

[Marcus Bales]

I heard that an old pope in Rome
Had a thing for St Peter's dome
he thought it had dated
so he had it plated
with high fins, glass, turquoise, and chrome.

[Marcus Bales]

"I once had a codpiece," he said

[funkytuba]

"I once had a codpiece," he said
"And its inside was plated in lead"

[Marcus Bales]

"I once had a codpiece," he said
"And its inside was plated in lead.
It hung down so low

[Hyakujo's Fox]

"I once had a codpiece," he said
"And its inside was plated in lead.
It hung down so low
and swung to and fro

[Marcus Bales]

"I once had a codpiece," he said
"And its inside was plated in lead.
It hung down so low
and swung to and fro
and scraped on the ground til I bled."

[Marcus Bales]

I wish that this plane still had wings

[Coffee]

I wish that this plane still had wings
and some of those propeller things

[Marcus Bales]

I wish that this plane still had wings
and some of those propeller things
it's unlikely prayer
will suspend us in air

[funkytuba]

I wish that this plane still had wings
and some of those propeller things
it's unlikely prayer
will suspend us in air
so let's all say "bye" to our dings

[Marcus Bales]

The rapture is coming, they say

[Coffee]

The rapture is coming, they say
Aztecs claim next year, 'round May

[Marcus Bales]

The rapture is coming, they say
Aztecs claim next year, 'round May
but all these predictions

[Coffee]

The rapture is coming, they say
Aztecs claim next year, 'round May
but all these predictions
just like old Dick Nixon's

[Marcus Bales]

The rapture is coming, they say
Aztecs claim next year, 'round May
but all these predictions
just like old Dick Nixon's
will end in the usual way

[Marcus Bales]

"I'm tired of having your back,"

[Hyakujo's Fox]

"I'm tired of having your back,
And picking up all of your slack"

[Marcus Bales]

"I'm tired of having your back,
And picking up all of your slack"
She took off her shirt
And all of his hurt

[Hyakujo's Fox]

"I'm tired of having your back,
And picking up all of your slack"
She took off her shirt
And all of his hurt
Was dissolved at the sight of her rack

[Marcus Bales]

When two minds are thinking as one

[Coffee]

When two minds are thinking as one
the spaces between them become

[Marcus Bales]

When two minds are thinking as one
the spaces between them become
a bit claustrophobic

[Hyakujo's Fox]

When two minds are thinking as one
the spaces between them become
a bit claustrophobic
the air, anaerobic
til at last with a sigh, they succumb

[Marcus Bales]

Is anything better than this

[Hyakujo's Fox]

Is anything better than this
Saying goodnight with a kiss

[Marcus Bales]

Is anything better than this
Saying goodnight with a kiss
and copping a feel

[Hyakujo's Fox]

Is anything better than this
Saying goodnight with a kiss
and copping a feel
then hearing you squeal

[Marcus Bales]

Is anything better than this
Saying goodnight with a kiss
and copping a feel
then hearing you squeal
pursuing our mutual bliss

[Marcus Bales]

under the bed, nude, I hear

[Coffee]

under the bed, nude, I hear
the grunting of seven reindeer

[Marcus Bales]

under the bed, nude, I hear
the grunting of seven reindeer
as Santa Claus hums
and Mrs Claus comes
like the sound of an opening beer.