.::in a perfect world::.

[beckstra]

word.

.:: penguins would be suitable housepets
.::cell phones would be ILLEGAL when used in any instance that is *not* an emergency
.::salt and vinegar chips would not contain near the amount of sodium or fat that it does
.::the muzak at work would be a little device that would follow each employee around playing whatever *they* wanted to hear at the moment
.::London, England wouldn't be a friggin world away *sigh*
.::my parents would have NO knowledge of the sheer *existance* of the kid they keep trying to get me to marry
.::my sister's baby would be in my arms, thus not causing the painful contractions she has for my sister for the last week
.::cars would cost a dollar fifty and cost maybe fourty dollars to keep up with durring their lifetime--that includes insurance
.::envelope glue would come in various common flavors--you know, cherry, lime, lemon, banana, grape, strawberry
.::my mom would forget how to whine, nag, and complain

tag - you're it, now tell me yours

[amanda]

Thinking.... give me a day. I'll get back to you.

[beckstra]

Awww...come on...this is supposed to be purely shallow.

[red]

We could all use solar, wind or alternative forms of power.

ALL candidates for office would get to debate, Republican, Democrat, Libiterian, Green and Independents.

My house would clean itself.

Houston would have clean air.

SUVs wouldn't exist.

My sisters would get along.:(

[amanda]

I wouldn't think of Dahl's "The Sound Machine" everytime I buy fresh-cut flowers.

Leather would not be made from animals.

Everyone had a perfect understanding of the energy cycle. Myself included.

I would possess the ability to ride a motorcycle already, and a BMW 750. Or a Ducati.

Use of fossil fuels wouldn't make our world a hellish place to live. And fewer people on the road.

That 90% of women would stop being so hard on themselves and see how beautiful they are already.

And that women would stop being so goddamn competitive with one another.

I would have the ability to program myself (akin to The Matrix).

The oceans would be loved and protected just as much as any beautiful, natural, protected place on land.

I would know what my students say about me in Japanese during class.

Tied to the one above- babblefish would really exist.

I could be a graphic designer, chemist, master chef, master diver, architect, and land AND marine biologist- all in this lifetime and without having to go back to school.

Add singer and writer to that list as well. Painter too.

Grow up to do all the things I said I was going to do from the time I was three to six: be an artist in Paris, be the ice-cream man, be a butterfly, walk in space, and live in Albuquerque (what a fun place to say!).

We would be much further with space travel than we are now.

I would own a dryer. And central heating.

My cats would be able to travel with me- or at least learn how to use e-mail.

I'd own a beautiful sailboat, a house with a rope swing in the kitchen, and my own island where everyone I know and love can meet up with one another and co-exist happily. And party like it was 1999.

That varnish work didn't need to be done every year during the summer- if you own a sailboat with wood on it, you'll know what I mean.

There are others too... more personal than I want to share on the board. Thanks for the thought experiment, beckstra.

[Deviate]

i would be able to express myself freely without fear of ridicule or retaliation

-st.

[red]

Clouds would not get in my way when I want to view the skies at night.

[netflower]

Evil would be as recessive as albinoism.

TV is used as a last resort to entertainment.

Humans could fly. Without the ridiculous flapping.

Money grew on trees.

My cat would stop waking me up at 4.30am.

The higher the calorie content, the harder your body sped up to burn it off naturally.

People wouldn't give me that "Oh, um, I'm sorry?" look when I tell them I'm half arab.

Calvin and Hobbes would still be around.

[bealeblues]

that's my perfect world--- no one would have commercially exploited calvin (i.e. calvin pissing stickers on trucks) and mr. watterson would've kept c & k in circulation....

[LadyCrow]

My perfect world:

-concert tickets would cost the same as a cd ($17.99 max; none of this $75 crap... all though I did that once; totally worth it, but still too damn expensive)
-a cure for cancer (as well as all other diseases) could be purchased over-the-counter
-cars would be trouble-free
-there'd be no such thing as rent
-percentage rates on c. cards would be 1%
-complete-coverage health insurance would be $1 per month
-I'd be able to travel where ever I choose, and no more of "Oh, some day I'll go there..."
-I'd be as good a cook as my mother
-no enviromental problems
-no such thing as personal insecurities/self-esteem problems (one & the same?)
-Kids In The Hall would be back on tv
-Gary Larson would still create the Far Side (I've heard rumors that he's "quitting")
-movie tickets would be $2.99
-John Lennon & George Harrison would still be alive, & the Beatles would do a reunion tour (as would Led Zeppelin, The Doors, The Who, et al)
-magical powers would be a reality
-animals would die peacefully in their sleep (and I count humans in this as well)


More as I think about it...

;)

Pax,
LC

[NekoPunk]

... Dr. Pepper wouldn't go flat in under 5 minutes.

[Deviate]

and wouldn't make you burp.
or, if it did make you burp, it'd be like in the college frat-boy movies where it shakes the paintings off the walls in the dean's office.

-st.

[NekoPunk]

but my burps do that anyway... ^___^ ;

well, maybe not paint, but my hallmates can hear them!

[masterofNone]

yeah, see, this might be why there are no guys in the flirting section

[NekoPunk]

hey hey hey... shush yerself. *snaps her fingers* dang!

pfft.. anyway. wait for beale to get back. he'll be there. :P

[cosmo949]

:in a perfect world:

*every good intention would be realized.
*every child would be loved with abandon.
*decisions would be made based on the greater good.
*coffee would always be flavorful and dark.
*teachers could afford their own homes.
*tomatoes would taste like you grew them yourself (you should).
*Greg the Bunny would still be on the air

[lapietra]

and:

everyone who worked at any job would be able to feed, house and clothe their families and themselves

every job would focus on each person's strengths and growth

every person's talents would be discovered, acknowledged, enjoyed and celebrated

animals (including humans) would only have as many children as they could support healthfully

we'd be able to tell animals what's going on when we're in the car going to the vet

all crimes would be victimless

everyone would have a hunger to create, seek out and maintain beauty

exercise and rest would be built into daily life

amanda - I feel your pain re multiple vocations... time *is* finite. I'm just getting that lately. :)

[agentsmith]

*people would be less tolerant to my bitching
*i could piss of the whole world and they would still be my friends
*i could watch spongebob and all the other kid shows i watch and still have time to see my r-rated flicks
*i would be able to eat candy all day
*everyone else would leave me the hell alone
*people would understand
*shoelaces would be edible
*riff raff from rocky horror would have sex with me all the time:p
*my sister would stop stealing the virginity of every guy on this planet
*people would stop saying hi to me when i have no wish to hear their rambles
*my dog would not smell like anus anymore

[masterofNone]

stealing virginity from guys is a very silly concept... we're trying to give it away from the time our testicles drop.

[agentsmith]

really?not the ones at Saint's high school...they think my sister is the spawn of satan...so do the kids at my school, and they call me devil's puppet all the time. so i always say to them that i'm not a puppet, that i am satan and then they call me a freak and i say thank you...and then i tell them that i'm a vampire and i lunge at their neck...then they call me a loser and a freak(and some of the girls go..'like totally! your, like, such a freak!like, totally!)and then i hiss at them and snarl and then the man called billy-bill midnite who lives in my head says...piss them off...so i do! i poked a girl in the eye once...:p it was fun...and once ran a piece of glass down my face till it bled and stained my shirt and the guy ran off and told a yard duty...:eek: and i was laughing and speaking in german and the woman gave me a referall...

[amanda]

you know, this ignore feature is EXTREMLY effective. It's the first time I've had to use it...wowie- somebody was sure thinking on that one...

give it a go. You'll be pleasently surprised.

[masterofNone]

I think the agent is a worthwhile read. Not exactly sunshine and buttercups... but variety is the spice of life. Inspired bitterness. A very fine young cannibal. Embrace the eloquent ranting as an art form. Encourage the inner grouch.


there is some wit there i think.

[agentsmith]

thanks for the support. i must say...i've never been called a scab before...but oh well. it has been a pleasure i have had to forego untill now. why the biting remarks, amanda? eas it something i said?:p

[agentsmith]

love the rocky horror, nekopunk!

[amanda]

no, no dear scab...it's nothing you said. Your timing, unfortuntely, was a bit suspect. You have come close several times to hitting a few nerve endings- some of us are still a little keyed up and protectionist at the moment, including myself. My apologies for the mistaken identity.

You do have an odd name for the choosing though, for the reasons stated in "indeed".

MoN, was that enough encouragement?

*pats moel on the noggin* you're very bright for a radish.

[amanda]

nor do I, good little radish. But there's a mute button on remote controls for a reason...

[amanda]

Thus the radish spoke honestly and true. I never liked the idea of the ignore option... before now.

BUT, I can choose to look (and I usually do, obviously, since I responded to agentsmith). Which brings me to my first comment- whoever thought this option was on the ball. If it was Ze, another fine result of your perception into the human psyche, mate.

If it wasn't him, my glass is raised in the general direction of human cleverness.

[agentsmith]

it's okay guys...i like lurking in the corner and wearing everyone elses hatred for me like armor...

feel free to ignore. i like the feeling that i've inspired some sort of negative reaction. it's what i live for, dear radish....

[agentsmith]

wow moel...you're the nicest radish i've ever met. i hate the world because it hates me...and so on and so forth...does that clear anything up?

[masterofNone]

yay! agentSmith is back!

[agentsmith]

i dont understand...you are HAPPY that i have returned??? i got the feeling that i was unwanted and have been avoiding this place of orange and yellow...:confused:

[agentsmith]

well radish, i feel that perhaps you are more than you seem...a true intellectual radish in all senses of the word. never has a radish spoken a truer word...and never hath the agent listened more closely. i'll think on it, my dear radish.

[Deviate]

Originally posted by moel
All Im saying is that I (and I am sure others) would be interested in reading your writting
Originally posted by agentsmith
i'll think on it, my dear radish.

yea!

i've been staying out of this for fear of saying the wrong thing. moel, what you said is very true.

i've never been one for futilism. it is a sad thing when one accepts anger and turns it into more anger.

however, when one takes anger and molds it into art or literature, stirs waves of people in the wake, speaks honesty and truth, when one creates beauty from hatred, this is a wonderous thing. it is what the world is based upon.

it is so easy to get sucked into the jet engines of large negativity-airships and chopped to bits. make confetti.

edit: oh, and agentsmith: welcome.

-st.

[agentsmith]

I know I'm not perfect,
And I know I'm not nice.
But there is something I do know,
And I'm willing to tell you twice.
I know what it feels like,
To be the most imperfect person.
I know how it is,
To be the very last in line.
You think I don't know?
But I really quite do.
It seems I've been that person...
More times than you.

"If you like me, I'll relish you. If you love me, I'll treasure you. If you hurt me, I'll destroy you.":( i do create beautiful things...but no one else believes in the beauty.....i make this original art and my mom took it away...story of my life.

[Deviate]

Originally posted by agentsmith
It seems I've been that person...
More times than you.

for myself and the many people on this board who have experienced much hardship, please be careful when using this statemet.

i may be being overly sensitive, and it's a great possibility that this was being directed at someone else, however, please understand, if even for your own solice alone, that many people have been treated poorly, have been outcast, have been the subject of hatred and bigotry and anger.

hardship is not a competition, it can be something that can bind us together as we reflect and move on to make this world such a swell place.

-st.

[agentsmith]

if only you knew

[Deviate]

and back at you. after some of the stories i've heard in my life, on this board, and after some of the things i've been through i've learned one very important lesson:

never trivialize someone's pain.

i'm not trying to negate your experiences, just trying to open up to the fact that each person lives his or her own hell and that needs to be respected.

again, hardship is not a competition.

-st.

[agentsmith]

i am not saying it is...im just wondering why i provoked such a remark about that...it was just a poem!

[masterofNone]

You know...
I used to live by these words...

love people who love people,
like people who like people, and
hate people who hate people.

it took me a while to live by these...

love people who love people,
love people who like people, and
love people who hate people.

[agentsmith]

that's deep, master. i think youre more than meets the eye

[Deviate]

MoN is so much more than yop yop yop.

-st.

[agentsmith]

hmm...i live by these...
(see my signature below)

[masterofNone]

"do you know what I hate about this place... it's the smell"

he heeee

[agentsmith]

i love that part
he smell morpheus's head
heehee

[masterofNone]

everybody has something they love... even if it is sniffing Larry Fishburn's sweaty brow... it's a start.

[agentsmith]

yes indeed...it helped that he was bald. just imagine what it would be like if you were smelling neo's hair...

[agentsmith]

guys...i would like to introduce my friend, duhastmech. i compelled her to join us, so make her happy please! dont worry, she is a lot less bitter than me!

[duhastmech]

hello ppl
i am being made to be here against my will
-sigh-
i wud much rather being reading manga or watching anime
dont kill me please

[masterofNone]

tribbles

that's what these new ones remind me of


tribbles


feed 'em and they multiply



quadrotriticali.


(in touch with my inner trekkie)

[agentsmith]

are you makin fun of my friend???????

[lapietra]

Welcome, duhastmech - I will only kill and eat you if you are chocolate coated - and then only up through the end of the first week in January.

[amanda]

That reminds me of a debate one of my old roommates came up with.... if you had a baby and it was completely made of chocolate for the first 24 hours, would you eat it?

No cutting it up and keeping it in the freezer for later, either.

[masterofNone]

the ways in which that is wrong approach the infinite.

[amanda]

I didn't say it was MINE.

I never got into the debate, personally.

[Frieda]

Originally posted by amanda
That reminds me of a debate one of my old roommates came up with.... if you had a baby and it was completely made of chocolate for the first 24 hours, would you eat it?

No cutting it up and keeping it in the freezer for later, either.

NO WAY! i wouldn't eat it. chocolate gives me pimples. ;)

[AllegroNg]

Originally posted by lapietra
Welcome, duhastmech - I will only kill and eat you if you are chocolate coated - and then only up through the end of the first week in January.

Lol Lala, my diet is soooo starting the week after new years.

See, Amanda, I probably would eat my kids. This is why I'm waiting a while before I start breeding.

[agentsmith]

well, i hate kids and babies, and would most enjoy eating a chocolate baby! perhaps that is why i will never reproduce.:p

[agentsmith]

I GIVE THIS THREAD THE BREATH OF LIFE!!!!!


hahaha im good.

[agentsmith]

i loved this thread! i killed it, you know, but then i broyght it back.

[agentsmith]

hmm... no one else is helping to revive it though. its just the agent and the radish.

[agentsmith]

good idea, but im already going to a party in a few hours. rain check?

[agentsmith]

maybe tomorrow. ill be ready for it after all those damn barbecues.

[agentsmith]

got it. tomorrow at 11. be there.

[agentsmith]

YAY!
we can play the online beer slut drinking game
let me find the link...

[agentsmith]

got it!
beer slut (http://liquidgeneration.com/beergames/beerslut.asp)

[agentsmith]

actually, its a lot more fun with shot glasses of some disgusting substance.

[agentsmith]

then it wouldnt work. its supposed to be really nasty so we dont want to drink it, and whoever throws up first loses.

it helps if you're already drunk.

[agentsmith]

ok then, it'll work!

[agentsmith]

well spank my ass and call me charlie!neither can i!:D

[agentsmith]

i just read the whole thread over, from start to finish.

:D i love it! its the story of how i became a zemonkey!

and dont worry, i will.

[agentsmith]

Originally posted by moel
i meant it when i said this was one of my favorite threads

;) i love you guys.

[agentsmith]

bye moel. see ya tomorrow, and our little PARTAY is at 11 tomorrow night.

[laughingbuddha]

: I would be king

I rest my case

[agentsmith]

wait a mini moment, moel. you arent in pacific time!!!!our 11 oclocks will be at different times!

[agentsmith]

how about 9 for me and 11 for you?

[agentsmith]

ok then. im gonna have one hell of a hangover tomorrow.;)

[agentsmith]

i used up all my sick days so im calling in dead...:D

[agentsmith]

did it work?

[agentsmith]

im here moel!
but make it quick im playing trivial pursuit

[agentsmith]

no.;)

[agentsmith]

no time to get wasted, sorry.

my family's about.:mad:
my sister was reading my email, the bitch.

[agentsmith]

i know. i had to change my password.

[Red Princess]

in a perfect world your clothes would shrink so they will still fit when you lose weight

[agentsmith]

Originally posted by Red Princess
in a perfect world your clothes would shrink so they will still fit when you lose weight

red, we quit that thread theme long ago.

this is a vintage thread from before your time.

now its pretty much a chat about crap theme.;)

[Red Princess]

sorry i missed it.

[Zyle]

yeah, but they all kind of dissolve into chat about crap though don't they really ;)

[Zyle]

crappy crap, crap crappity crap? crap!

[Frieda]

now what are you 2 crapping about? :p

[Zyle]

CRAPOLA!

[Frieda]

crapmonkey!

[laughingbuddha]

just plain old crap!

[chuckie egg]

Oh crap

[agentsmith]

"crap," said the crap monkey.
"crap crap?" the crap woman inquired.
"crap," replied the crap monkey,"crap crap crap, crap crap crap crap crap. crap crap crap?"
"crap,"the crap woman replied,"crap."

[Madmack]

".. You don't know crap from crapola...!"

[agentsmith]

this is like that movie being john malkovitch..ya seen it? when he goes in the portal and everyone is saying

malkovitch malkovitch malkovitch....

and the menu is just malkovitch written over and over again.

except now its crap, not malkovitch.

[lapietra]

in a perfect world you could talk about both a perfect world and crap in this thread.

[agentsmith]

true.

[beckstra]

.::We would have siestas regularly like the rest of the world.
.::Fifteen minute breaks would be required for every hour of labor.
.::The Wallflowers would set up in my bedroom every night promptly at 10 pm and sing me to sleep.
.::More of my friends would have funny stories about their significant others following them around and saying, "PLEEEEEAAASSSSE!!! PLEASE TASER ME!!! You know you WANT to."
.::My ex-assistant manager would take every one of ther foul beings left in our store with her.
.::There would be a filthy pirate on the empty side of my bed each night willing to help me find that darned "X" under my comforter...

MWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

[priceyfatprude]

Craptastic.

[priceyfatprude]

I'd be able to take parts (both physical & non-physical) from each guy I was seeing to create the "perfect" man. (Or at least one whose imperfections I could live with.)
My dog wouldn't kill another living creature & be pleased as punch w/himself. Little fvcker.
Healthy food would be cheaper than Lipton Noodles & Sauce.
They'd pay ME to join their health club
My mom would listen to all of us & go to therapy.
My job would pay me 3 times what it does, in addition to giving me the do-gooder image that it does.

That's it for now, Becks. You know, my meds are called Bextra. :)

[Unsound]

Gravity would not last such a short time when put into good use. ie: jumping off a building.

[trisherina]

...I'd have the time and the inclination, both together.

[Zyle]

... Jack Bauer would both be real, and mine

[agentsmith]

vampires would really exist and i'd be one.
oh yeah, and necromancy would be taught in all colleges.

[lapietra]

everyone would have jobs that used all the intelligence and substantial skills we have to offer... instead some of us having to work really hard to try to get crummy, demeaning jobs and others who have no greater skills getting jobs that pay them obscene amounts of money.

edit: sorry... kind of in a poo mood...

[Red Princess]

sorry la la , want to help us break beale out of jail?

[lapietra]

sure!

[Deviate]

i wouldn't be getting calls from very sweet, intelligent people who are living in the Open Door Mission.

-st.

[ambo]

i wouldn't have had to drink a fvcking slimfast shake tonight....

[ambo]

i never met a diet i could stay on
tried a lot
lost a lot
gained a lot more back !

thanks for the good thoughts peg

[Red Princess]

i lost weight when i quit eating for reasons other than hunger, like when i was bored, lonely, depressed or stuff like that.

[ambo]

so true rp
while i was in las vegas i did lots of walking, and not a lot of snacking
although i ate whatever i wanted to at meals, i actually lost a couple of pounds

[Red Princess]

see! you can do it, diets don't work. i don't buy snack food, saves money too.

[ambo]

oh god the problem is i've done it and done it and done it
and i always go back to my bad food habits

sicko

[trisherina]

Most diets ask you to engage in some form of deprivation. Deprivation, given a long enough time (an average of six years, though of course this average is made up of much less and much more time, your mileage may vary), inexorably leads to some form of binge eating, usually on the restricted foods in larger quantities than would have been eaten at earlier exposures.

The secret to eating (and not bingeing) such that one maintains the low end of one's possible set point weights (and if yours is genetically programmed high, so be it, end of story, sorry) is to manage to not feel deprived while eating sufficient calories to maintain basal metabolic rate at maintenance weight. This is a lot more complicated than it sounds, since you have to take in not only physiological and genetic predispositions, but also the numerous other functions that food serves for us, no pun intended -- social and emotional considerations, say.

It's a biotch.