Age-old question

[nycwriters]

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[NekoPunk]

this should answer your question... (http://www.intellectualwhores.com/masterladder.html)


unfortunately, i'm in the same boat as you, NYC. mostly guy friends, but... then again... i do most of the (decent) things that guys do with them. video games, computers, "sports", jokes, monty python, etc...

i dunno tho...

[Deviate]

yes. plain and simple. depends on the woman, depends on the man.

i mean, you put Julia Roberts and Tom Cruise in a Hollywood inspired scenario and the two will cling to each other like saliva-sucking leaches.

but in the real world people want companionship of any kind. question is, how friendly can friends get?

-st.

[zenbabe]

I agree with NYC, most of my friends are guys. Even ones that have girlfriends are good friends and we will go to the movies or out for a drink, jsut hang out, whatever. I was the only girl growing up, all brothers and boy cousins, so I actually prefer guys to hang out with, don't get me wrong, I do have girlfriends that I hang out with, but I find that most chicks are just plain catty. I have had the discussion many of times, and everyone always says the same thing, "oh, the guy must be gay" This is not the case. They are just people with common interests, it just so happenes that they have a penis.

thats just my two cents....

[masterofNone]

Neko that site is fantastic. I agree completely with it.

And yet it is also wrong.

It's possible in this world for things to be both absolutely correct and absolutely wrong... and this is one of those cases.

It is impossible for men and women to be friends and yet... go figure...

sometimes it happens.



what a world, what a world, what a world.

[zenbabe]

I'm gonna have to disagree with you master. I just asked my boyfriend his thoughts and he said the same thing, only he added that there has to be a complete lack of sexual desire on both parts, which sounds to me, like the guy and the girl both have to be butt ugly and smell bad. I don't agree. The guy friends that I have are good looking, some have girlfriends, some don't, but they are succesful, funny, and fun to hang out with. Let's take my freind Tim for instance. He is a good looking guy, good job, funny as all hell and fun to just talk to on the phone. I considered him at one point in time, but he has this fear of feet that I just make fun of him for now, but when I found out about it, I was like "hold the phone" that would have meant no foot massages ever! So, he is now my best friend, and we still have a blast together. I don't know, maybe it just depends on the people involved....

[AllegroNg]

Dah! Can't one find another attractive and still be friends? Most of my closest friends DO have sausages!!!

Can one have sex with a "friend"?

What about my friends that are gay girls?

[catbelly]

The whole men vs. women thing bothers me, because it paints such a black and white picture of the world. I guess we're presuming when we say "can men be platonic friends with women" that both are unremittingly 100% heterosexual... but anyway.

Assuming that's the case, suggesting that men and women *can't* be platonic friends says to me that the things that make friendship important are not strong enough to withstand sexual tension. I think that's bullshit. The things I depend on my friends for, both male and female, are things like trust and dependability in the face of shitty circumstances, empathy, sympathy, humour. I find it awful to think that ovaries and 'nads and the corresponding hormonal drives are really enough to override these things.

That said, to quote the Master... "It's possible in this world for things to be both absolutely correct and absolutely wrong..." and I'm certainly not exempt from having had friend-relationships screwed up by attraction.

[zenbabe]

I love my gay, guy friends, they have the best parties!!

[zenbabe]

I love them, we had a pool on that show "the bachelor" and every wednesday we have had these parties, and whenever straight guys want to come, the gays tell them that it is girls night, and they have to act like girls if they want to come to the party!

[catbelly]

Gay men as accessories! It's the newest trend.

[Deviate]

good point CatB. it is a heterosexist society.

yes, NG, i believe friends can have sex and still have a wonderful friendship. but it depends on what each person attaches to the encounter.

i usually preface my one-night hops with an explanation that cannot lead to anything long term. anyone i think that might have a problem with that never makes it under the covers.

relationships, both friendships and those of a committed, loving nature, thrive best in complete honesty. they are like business deals with gives and takes. i always state my needs right at the get go, lay all my cards on the table. if they are willing to play with that hand (ooh, several innuendos there) i move forward. if not then it is a deal breaker and we close the deal. end of story.

friendships work the same way. the level of that friendship needs to be established early on. any changes need to be agreed upon. any time those deals aren't respected then you cause strife, anger, resentment, embarrassment and a whole slew of other big bad mojo.

just my five bucks worth. ;)

-st.

[Deviate]

rock on NYC.

most people i'm friends with know that i'm all about sexual intimacy and friendship. if the other person's not so keen on it then i respect those boundaries. it's not a deal breaker for me.

i guess i'm just one of the few people in the world who doesn't think that sex needs to be a committed love thing. s'all.

-st.

[NekoPunk]

hmm... this is strange, because the guys i date and the guys who are my bestest friends would never, ever be in the same room together except that they were forced or didn't know it.

somehow i tend to befriend guys that hate each other. on one hand, i've got my good guy friends who are A&E, ambercrombie, etc...

on the other hand i've got my "alternative" guy friends... y'know, with piercings, tats, black clothes, chains, etc.

is that normal?

[saskuoch]

Most of my friends are guys, but I've either dated them or had sex with them when they were single, or both (neither with most of the gay ones, although there are some gay guy friends with whom I've...well, those situations are hard to explain). Actually, I'd probably do the same with my female friends if the situation ever arose. Hasn't ever changed the fact that we're still good friends and definitely not in relationships. I think trying to draw lines dividing people into specific catergories is just an exercise in futility, and asking for stress and disappointment later on.

[Deviate]

rock on for being so open-minded, Sask.

as for splitting friends up, i'm with you. my friends are extentions of myself. they have to be cool with my other friends or they're not cool with me. i don't accept intolerance from people. those who are intolerant are not my friends.

most of my hangs are people who are so welcoming and diverse they don't care who the person is, what they look like or what they do as long as we can all jive to a harmony. that's what i dig.

and you'd see us walking down the street and have no clue why we're all together. our outside appearances do not bind us together.

s'all.

-st.

[amanda]

Well, most of what I would want to contribute has already been said.

But I do want to add one thing- my best friends happen to be men that I had realtionships with previously. Mostly because it's hard for me to get and keep friends. But also what I find attractive in a mate is not too far off what I find attractive for a friend- similar interests, humor, etc.

And the males I have only been friends with, we have fun with the sexual tension between us, knowing that it'll not get to the point of being physically expressed. Maybe it will later, so that's what keeps a part of it interesting.

Sexual tension is not always such a bad thing, folks.

[AllegroNg]

Mmmm hmmm ::Looks at Sask and winks::

My exboyfriends are my best friends! They've seen my taa-taa's, for god's sake! We started a relationship, because we're compatable in many ways. We ended it because we weren't compatable in "that" way (aw, let's face it, they didn't buy me enough stuff!;) j/k)


Originally posted by Deviate
yes, NG, i believe friends can have sex and still have a wonderful friendship.

Ohhhh.. I'm gonna have such lucky friends!;)

[chuckie egg]

I agree with Zenbabe, NYC etc... most of my friends are male, and thats the way its always been, I have no sisters or female cousins either... I wasnt a particularly girly girl when growing up, more of a tomboy, maybe it depends on that?