ron: the complete and true account

[moel]

http://public.lanl.gov/cluster/people/images/ron.jpg
hello everyone, my name is ron. i work down at the local petting zoo. feel free to ask me any questions you may have.


http://public.lanl.gov/cluster/people/images/ron.jpg
well yes i did sleep with your wife, but it was only because she doesnt love you.


http://public.lanl.gov/cluster/people/images/ron.jpg
next question please, im only here until red lobster opens, then its time to rock and roll, man i love crabs


Originally posted by priceyfatprude
Ron, I have a question, have you ever heard of toothpaste? http://public.lanl.gov/cluster/people/images/ron.jpg
you'll have to speak up, im wearing a beard


http://www.rarebooks.nd.edu/about_us/graphics/people/marilyn.gif
hello folks, im sorry to say, but do to any emergency at the local petting zoo ron had to leave. he's very important as most of you know.


http://www.rarebooks.nd.edu/about_us/graphics/people/marilyn.gif
anyway, my name is sheryl. and ill be the fisrt to admit i dont know the first thing about zoos or animals. but i do give a mean blowjob


http://www.rarebooks.nd.edu/about_us/graphics/people/marilyn.gif
this one time ron and i were working late and i looked at him and he looked at me, and i could just tell, he was getting ready to.. well, ive said too much. anyway im pretty much banned from the elephant exhibit for life.


http://www.rarebooks.nd.edu/about_us/graphics/people/marilyn.gif
but it was worth it


http://www.rarebooks.nd.edu/about_us/graphics/people/marilyn.gif
now id like to introduce you to my son, Elephantyboy


http://www.tyborg.com/blog/C2114651004/E512087171/Media/CJElephant.jpg
ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

[moel]

http://www.rarebooks.nd.edu/about_us/graphics/people/marilyn.gif
i know what you're thinking. and lets be honest here you're probably right. oh who am i kidding there is no probably. sometimes you just dont know what you're doing then before you know it your dna becomes evidence helpful in forming a conclusion of some sort


http://www.elf.stuba.sk/Katedry/KMECH/slovakversion/person/Image9.gif
excuse me, sheryl, but if i may interupt you for just a minute. theres been a serious accident at the local petting zoo. it involves ron and it doesnt look good.


http://www.rarebooks.nd.edu/about_us/graphics/people/marilyn.gif
oh, oh no. i cant believe it. i... i... oh god no. is red lobster open yet?


http://www.elf.stuba.sk/Katedry/KMECH/slovakversion/person/Image9.gif
just calm down. my name is doctor randal. i have a highly important medical degree of some sort and i think i have it hanging on the wall somewhere. or maybe its in that box under my bed, im not really sure, it gets kind of messy you know. dont you hate that. its like you just shove everything under there

http://www.elf.stuba.sk/Katedry/KMECH/slovakversion/person/Image9.gif
it doesnt matter. its not like i use my bed for anything else. sorry, i went off on a tangent there. god i hate my life

http://www.elf.stuba.sk/Katedry/KMECH/slovakversion/person/Image9.gif
anyway, shirely. oh im sorry i called you shirely. sheryl, its sheryl right? oh god im such an idiot, i totally messed this up. wait.


http://www.elf.stuba.sk/Katedry/KMECH/slovakversion/person/Image9.gif
ron is in a serious condition. the actual seriousness of this amount of serious isnt actually known. there is 50% chance ron could die, or not die. possibly there is like a 49% to 51% chance or maybe something else like 49%, 49% and 2% chance of something else. i dont know, i didnt do very well in math.

[moel]

http://www.abc.net.au/reslib/200402/r15807_38904.jpg
yes, what do you want?


http://www.elf.stuba.sk/Katedry/KMECH/slovakversion/person/Image9.gif
who are you?


http://www.abc.net.au/reslib/200402/r15807_38904.jpg
im shirely


http://www.elf.stuba.sk/Katedry/KMECH/slovakversion/person/Image9.gif
oh no, i was talking to sheryl. did you know ron?


http://www.abc.net.au/reslib/200402/r15807_38904.jpg
oh sorry, no i didnt.


http://www.tyborg.com/blog/C2114651004/E512087171/Media/CJElephant.jpg
AARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!


http://www.rarebooks.nd.edu/about_us/graphics/people/marilyn.gif
Elephantyboy, please be quiet for mommy. i need to think about whats happening in my life right now. this webboard story doesnt involve you anymore.

[moel]

http://www.abc.net.au/reslib/200402/r15807_38904.jpg
well, actually, i lied. i did know ron. i was working at red lobster and he was complaining about the lack of crab on the menu. i dont think anyone really understood just how much he liked crab. anyway, i brought him his supper and that was it. sorry if you thought i was going to tell some interesting story about some affair or something. i didnt mean to lead you on.


http://www.trinizoo.com/00images/bab-otter.jpg
hello everyone, i manage the local petting zoo, and im sure you've all heard of the terrible accident involving ron. i was rons boss for 6 years, and i have to say he sure was an asshole. well, i should add i never really got to know him. i just figure he was.


http://www.trinizoo.com/00images/bab-otter.jpg
i guess this is a good time to start thinking about the good times. here i have a photo of ron getting a giraffe nice and drunk right before we snuck in those two whores that one night. wink wink, hey sheryl im looking at you
http://www.comozooconservatory.org/zoo/images/Tombude.jpg


http://www.trinizoo.com/00images/bab-otter.jpg
im sorry that was very unprofessional. i for one can attest that sheryl has not once, never ever had sexual relations with that giraffe


http://www.alzheimers.org.uk/BranchWebsites/WelwynHatfield/Index_files/image006.jpg
ok hi . this is great everyone, this is great. thank you all for coming to the first 'people that knew ron' support group meeting. my name is rebba.


http://www.alzheimers.org.uk/BranchWebsites/WelwynHatfield/Index_files/image006.jpg
ok now, there are a couple keys to getting on with your life. the first step is to never speak of what happened to ron. alright, we'll call this the 'no talking about that thing that happened to ron' step. alright, ok. great.

[moel]

http://www.alzheimers.org.uk/BranchWebsites/WelwynHatfield/Index_files/image006.jpg yes, it's true that ron had to deal with a lot of tough things in his life., and he also brought a lot of grief into many of your lives. especially that unfortunate incident involving many of your children and that stolen hot-air balloon. i still dont know how he pulled that one off. what a guy.


http://www.alzheimers.org.uk/BranchWebsites/WelwynHatfield/Index_files/image006.jpg
step number two: no talking about the stolen hot-air balloon incident.
unless you're into that sort of thing. which reminds me, i was flipping through the channels the other night, it was kinda late and i was pretty drunk.... well, i just couldnt believe he was doing that to her.


http://img36.exs.cx/img36/8625/careful.jpg
hello everyone. ron and i use to date. but we dont any more. because he's dead.


http://www.alzheimers.org.uk/BranchWebsites/WelwynHatfield/Index_files/image006.jpg
well, he had her legs way.. just meet me after class. or support group thingy, whatever the hell it is were doing here


http://www.alzheimers.org.uk/BranchWebsites/WelwynHatfield/Index_files/image006.jpg
by the way, we dont really know if ron is dead yet. dr randel has still not told use anything about the matter


http://www.elf.stuba.sk/Katedry/KMECH/slovakversion/person/Image9.gif
ladies and gentleman. i have some shocking news that may shock and disturb you. the kind of news that shakes you to your very core, the news that changes your life forever, that grabs your heart and twists and twists it like a lushish red nipple so succulent and beautiful...


http://www.matthawkins.co.uk/guts-se/graphics/end_credits/bomb.jpg
then all of the sudden out of no where the world suddenly exploded

the end

[Frieda]

that was beautiful

[moel]

thakn you

[rmr]

that was so touching

you have such a gift!!

[rapscalious rob]

that should be made into a movie!

[RuneT]

omg hahaha! love it. more!

[Coffee]

Rarely have I seen a story wrap up so completely and thouroughl...well done Moel...well...Dr. Strangelove ended like that to. But it is rare. Ok there were some made for TV movies that ended like that to...but that doesn't take away from the stunning way you used that particular wrap up for this particular story.

*clap*

Waits for sequel...or spin off.

[moel]

sorry ladies and gentlemen i had to puase for a phone call

now ladies and gentlemen allow me to introduce you to my great friend, Pablo Neruda

[moel]

oh, oh, well i have some disappointing news

seems Pablo will not be joining us this evening.

does anybody know how to play go fish?

[rmr]

i am so deeply moved.

you are a true genius

[Coffee]

Originally posted by moel
does anybody know how to play go fish?

OMG..the nuns made us play go fish in speach therapy class in the 1rst grade. I used to have trouble saying S's and aparently making you say fith in front of your peers is supposed to fix that problem...farking nuns.

[sparticle]

For once, a story where the ending made sense. That's what I hate about The Movies. You go and there's a bunch of guys falling out of vehicles chasing each other and there's shooting and then you see some beautiful naked girl in bed with the hero and the next thing you know the bad guys are dead and the guy gets away with the girl and they're talking about getting married. Nobody just blows everything up at the end anymore, and I must say art has suffered for it.

[rmr]

Originally posted by sparticle
For once, a story where the ending made sense. That's what I hate about The Movies. You go and there's a bunch of guys falling out of vehicles chasing each other and there's shooting and then you see some beautiful naked girl in bed with the hero and the next thing you know the bad guys are dead and the guy gets away with the girl and they're talking about getting married. Nobody just blows everything up at the end anymore, and I must say art has suffered for it.

:D

respect

[moel]

in part two they go to the moon.. im going to call it: moonraker

[sparticle]

I want to see more stories where everything blows up at the end. Not like Fellini or Bergman where people just walk away and stuff. This existentialist foofaraw is for the goddam birds. More Explosions! That was truly cataclysmic and more what I am looking for when I plunk down my goddam $9.50.

I mean that, now.

[sparticle]

Originally posted by moel
in part two they go to the moon.. im going to call it: moonraker

Well, by God, I am going to see it, and I am going to recommend it to others too.

[moel]

or maybe ill call it Diehard, not sure yet