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View Full Version : clever coffee shop names


zenbabe
11-14-2004, 06:38 PM
So my GBF is going to open a coffee shop.

What are some cute, clever coffee shop names that we could call it?

Smartypants
11-14-2004, 06:52 PM
He should just find a copy of a San Francisco yellow pages and he will be so agitated by the plethora of cute coffee shop names that he will switch to decaf for a month!

I suggest: The "Insert Clever Name Here" Cafe

zenbabe
11-14-2004, 07:00 PM
Yeah, I don't want to rip anybody's cute coffee shop names off, the idea is to come up with your own here man!

The current thought is :

STEAM

zenbabe
11-14-2004, 07:02 PM
haha!

Bean there

zenbabe
11-14-2004, 07:09 PM
But he wants to get a liquor license too, you know...have that 'edge' so boozy words might be good .

Smartypants
11-14-2004, 07:19 PM
Originally posted by zenbabe
Yeah, I don't want to rip anybody's cute coffee shop names off, the idea is to come up with your own here man!

The current thought is :

STEAM


Hmmm... I think that's the name of the place a friend of mine used to go for anonymous sex...

:p

zenbabe
11-14-2004, 07:33 PM
see, I said it sounded like a bathhouse! I am not really loving it.

how about:

WIRED

zenbabe
11-14-2004, 07:37 PM
good god! There are like 35 starbucks in a 3 mile radius there! :eek:

sparticle
11-14-2004, 07:40 PM
How bout:

The "You've Had Enough - You'd Better Have A Cup Of Coffee Before You Go Home" Cafe

The "What Do You Mean I Smell Like Booze? I Only Went To The Coffee Shop -- Honest To God!" Coffee Shop and Alibi Room

These would be kind of long to put on a sign, though.

"Grounds For Divorce" -- for illicit hookups


Okay, okay. How about:

"Steamy Indulgences"

"Libations"

"Brew"

"Good Cheer"

"Kenya"

"Heaven"

"JavaCentric"

"Hot"

"Club Joe"


I dunno. I was never any good at naming stuff. I'm surprised I did okay with naming the kids, actually.

zenbabe
11-14-2004, 07:46 PM
hahaa! Grounds for divorce!

There was a coffee shop in Phoenix called 'The legal Grind" they had a big chalk board with prices for legal services you could get along with your cup of joe. I thought that was kind of cool. :cool:


mmmmmmmmmmmm, Libations!

Smartypants
11-14-2004, 08:04 PM
I love Grounds for Divorce! I wonder if it would become a popular meeting place for couples having extramarital affairs. Now THERE'S a demographic you don't see catered to much by Madison Ave!

zenbabe
11-14-2004, 08:13 PM
well, it will be in the gay/artsy part of san diego. Maybe it would work if we have a sign in the window that said something like "Free coffee and a muffin with proof of marriage certificate from San Francisco"

we could have one wall dedicated to it. Tape them all up with a picture of the couple with a cup of coffee next to it.

zero
11-14-2004, 08:16 PM
just call it gbf and be done with it

sparticle
11-14-2004, 08:22 PM
Originally posted by Smartypants
I love Grounds for Divorce! I wonder if it would become a popular meeting place for couples having extramarital affairs. Now THERE'S a demographic you don't see catered to much by Madison Ave!

Yeah, and they're probably missing out on a hell of a large market. heh heh heh....

Smartypants
11-14-2004, 10:19 PM
Originally posted by zenbabe
well, it will be in the gay/artsy part of san diego.

Didn't realize this. Yeah, then. Go with the Steambath theme, by all means. :rolleyes:

:p

zenbabe
11-14-2004, 10:28 PM
if we go with the steambath theme, I guess we could call it 'hole in the wall'

agentsmith
11-14-2004, 10:28 PM
mm....make it very EXOTIC sounding so people will feel smart and/or cultured for going there.


or just forego a name and slap a jrocker on the sign.


or maybe....ZAPP BRANNIGAN!!!!!!

Magpie
11-15-2004, 07:53 AM
I like "STEAM" Zen...

When I think of coffee I think of,

Speed :)

With all the coffee shops out there you'd really have to do a search of name-copyrights when picking one.

Audreyvgs
11-15-2004, 06:31 PM
There used to be one in East Peoria called the "Squat and Gobble"

dinzdale
11-15-2004, 06:40 PM
Gay coffee bar....not my forte, but let's see......

Chap-o-Chinos?

Smartypants
11-15-2004, 07:21 PM
Originally posted by Audreyvgs
There used to be one in East Peoria called the "Squat and Gobble"

There's a restaurant here in the Castro by that name. Personally, I think it less than appetizing.

Smartypants
11-15-2004, 07:21 PM
Originally posted by dinzdale
Gay coffee bar....not my forte, but let's see......

Chap-o-Chinos?

HA! :D

Now THAT's funny.

dinzdale
11-15-2004, 07:22 PM
The Cocoa Chute ???

zenbabe
11-15-2004, 07:28 PM
The Steaming Monkey

Smartypants
11-15-2004, 07:29 PM
Originally posted by dinzdale
The Cocoa Chute ???

OK, well now you're pushing it.

Aphrodite
11-15-2004, 07:29 PM
The Coffee Shot

It registers in so many ways.
The coffee pot
The coffee shop
The coffees hot

The coffee bar

Cafe Ole!

Beans & Barley

Smartypants
11-15-2004, 07:30 PM
Originally posted by Aphrodite
Beans & Barley

I like that one! Or howzbout just "Barley's Beanery?"

zenbabe
11-15-2004, 07:34 PM
HAHHAHAAHA! (http://gaycoffees.com/coffees/index.html)

dinzdale
11-15-2004, 07:37 PM
Chockfull-of-nuts ???

sparticle
11-15-2004, 07:39 PM
"(It) Grinds Exceeding Fine"?

Smartypants
11-15-2004, 07:39 PM
Originally posted by zenbabe
HAHHAHAAHA! (http://gaycoffees.com/coffees/index.html)

Now, where are Fred Phelps' pickets when you need them? :rolleyes:

sparticle
11-15-2004, 07:40 PM
Originally posted by zenbabe
HAHHAHAAHA! (http://gaycoffees.com/coffees/index.html)


Java Jabs
We'd like to make gift-giving easier for everyone, especially for those who were wronged and really want to get the last word. It may sound catty, but that's our point exactly. You might want to pick up a bag of our Wired Coffee, with our tag line, "You looked better on the internet," or our Trick and Treat coffee, where we say, "He was cute enough to stay for breakfast."


OMG! HAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!

dinzdale
11-15-2004, 07:53 PM
Peter's ???

zenbabe
11-15-2004, 08:02 PM
Bean's for Queens

*parking in rear*

dinzdale
11-15-2004, 08:03 PM
Pooter's :)

zenbabe
11-15-2004, 08:06 PM
Anita Midol

zenbabe
11-15-2004, 08:09 PM
hehehe..

Homo Delivery
Who hasn't had a saucy fantasy about a big, beefy body (man or woman) knocking on your door and declaring, "I've got your package right here"?

We're not 'fessing up to anything. But our coffee line, Homo Delivery, will get your package (of coffee, of course) promptly to you each month when we deliver a special blend right to your door.

Coffee
11-15-2004, 09:04 PM
Bean Gay

dinzdale
11-15-2004, 10:36 PM
The Caffeinated Gerbil

rmr
11-15-2004, 10:46 PM
^^^^^ you are awful...hahahahahahaha

zenbabe
11-15-2004, 10:50 PM
maybe they could offer coffee enimas!

priceyfatprude
06-22-2005, 09:13 PM
Did he ever do this?? lol @ The Queen's Beans.

zenbabe
06-22-2005, 09:28 PM
OMG!!! I was just thinking about starting a new thread about this, I totally forgot I had this one! Thanks peef!!

YES!! My GBF as of about a week ago, is the new owner of a fab coffee shop!!!

What I need now are awsome slogans for the T-Shirts he is going to make.

The place is called Urban Grind (it came with the name already)

On the back the idea is to put "Grind Often!" and have clever slogans on the front, some gay, some straight, some just clever as shite.

So hit me with your best shot!!!!!!!!

:D

priceyfatprude
06-22-2005, 09:37 PM
"Time to switch to decaf, sweetie"

"Wake up & smell the mocha double decaf!"

Smartypants
06-22-2005, 09:50 PM
Zenny -- If it were possible do an animated t-shirt, I'd recommend using that new avatar of yours! :D

beckstra
06-23-2005, 01:22 AM
The Pour House
The Coffee Break
The House Of Legal Addictive Stimulants
Tall, Dark, And Coffee
Cafe Ole!
The Daily Grind

(Can you tell I've dreamed of owning a coffee shop myself?)

Smartypants
06-23-2005, 01:50 AM
Slogan suggestions:

"Ask to see my coffee stirrer."

"Beat me, whip me, make me a grande half-caff no-foam vanilla soy latte, and then get the fvck out!"

priceyfatprude
06-23-2005, 01:59 AM
Common Grounds

Beans & Barley is a coffee shop here on Milwaukee's fashionable East Side.

There is a cafe here named Sprizzo, they make caffeine-tini's. They are a coffee & soup/sandwich/salad place during the day & then at night they serve drinks & have live music. The place is funky & decorated by the artwork of local artists, which is also for sale.

Not Starbucks (copyright laws, I know)

No, I still vote for the Queen's Beans.

Brynn
06-23-2005, 02:04 AM
Urban Grind T-shirts/mottos:

Picture a simple round red "ban" mark over "zzzzzzzz" with "Urban Grind" lettered over the rim, with any one of the following under the rim...


"I'm focused now"

*

"Caffeine + love = world peace"

*

"We get you started. The rest is up to you."

*

"Waking up nicely, thanks."

zenbabe
06-23-2005, 02:10 AM
Thanks guys!! I will pass them along. Then name will stay Urban Grind, he bought it turnkey.

Keep the motto's coming!! Free T-shirt to anyone that gets printed!!!


:D :D :D :D

venusupnorth
06-23-2005, 02:14 AM
-Doing the Grind at Urban Grind

-Grind me baby!

beckstra
06-23-2005, 02:43 AM
Urban Grind: Pushing legal addictive stimulants on your streets.

Urban Grind: Coffee on the lips delivers action to the hips.

Urban Grind: Caffeinating the poor and rich alike.

Audreyvgs
06-23-2005, 03:49 AM
I spose its too late for Jock-Full-O-Nuts.

xfox
06-23-2005, 04:01 AM
Nobody'd know if you used the Open Eye Cafe, an actual name of a local dive here.

trisherina
06-23-2005, 05:59 AM
1. (front) What kind of coffee did they serve on the Titanic?
(back) Sanka
and Urban Grind logo, assuming they have one

OK, that's really lame. How about this one?

2. (front) Finest Kind *
(back) Urban Grind


*(If you don't know the reference, well, don't buy the T-shirt, it's not my fvcking coffeehouse)

funkytuba
06-23-2005, 06:20 AM
(front) I limit myself to two cups a day.

(back, with two athletic supporters full of steaming coffee) But you should see the cups!

Smartypants
06-23-2005, 06:21 AM
I think all the people who work behind the counter should wear T-shirts that have the logo on the front and the words "Latte Pimp" on the back. ;)

craig johnston
06-23-2005, 01:41 PM
f**k starbucks!

tastier than speed
cheaper than coke
but not quite as good as ecstasy

see you in jail
:)

zenbabe
06-23-2005, 05:51 PM
HAHAHAHHAHHAA!!

These are really funny!

Again, free prizes to winning selections!!!

My GBF is laughing his ass off!

:D :D :D :D

He made me print this out and it's 30 pages!!!!!!

:eek:

Brynn
06-23-2005, 06:53 PM
"Dr. Grind Says Get Over Here"

NimbleMarmoset
06-24-2005, 12:14 AM
Latte Da. . . Latte Da

noxxville
06-24-2005, 01:21 AM
It's not called venti here.......it's fvcking big.

xfox
06-25-2005, 09:15 PM
how about

"Rise & Grind"
slogan:

Perk up! Hot or cold coffee for high times.

xfox
06-26-2005, 07:26 PM
Has Miss Marmoset been reading about Lee Vining? Maybe in the LA Times?

Gatsby
06-26-2005, 08:03 PM
Coffee: Because you can sleep when you're dead.

Coffee: Black gold, screw hot tea.

Beans, beans, the wonder brew: the more you drink, the more you screw.

zenbabe
06-27-2005, 10:58 PM
It's not called venti here.......it's fvcking big.


ahhahahahaha!

Hyakujo's Fox
06-28-2005, 01:29 AM
a bit late... what about "brewhaha"?

Deviate
06-28-2005, 06:14 AM
kat:

posting 'cause you yelled at me. so mleh.

i'd just call it Bean.

-deev.

p.s. give me a call this week, hooker.

funkytuba
06-28-2005, 07:16 AM
how about

The UnderBean.

NimbleMarmoset
06-28-2005, 02:26 PM
Has Miss Marmoset been reading about Lee Vining? Maybe in the LA Times?

who dat? nevermind. . . i'll google

Audreyvgs
06-28-2005, 07:31 PM
Bean There, Done That.

Brynn
06-28-2005, 07:59 PM
Coffee: Because you can sleep when you're dead.


:D ^This gets my vote.

Coffee makes the modern world possible.

Coffee makes me smart.
(This is true. Anybody see the National Geographic article about caffeine? Studies of brain scans show that people who normally drink coffee and haven't had any do not show as much brain activity as those who do not drink coffee at all. However, give them a cup of coffee and they show twice as much brain activity as abstainers.)

zenbabe
06-28-2005, 08:04 PM
^^^^^ I think the same thing happens with speed!! Coffee is just legal!

Frieda
06-28-2005, 08:10 PM
coffee makes the eyes go round

Brynn
07-01-2005, 03:24 AM
Coffee: Five million Incas can't be wrong.

JesusTitties
07-01-2005, 07:27 AM
i like my coffee like i like my women
ground up and in the freezer

j.dalmer

Smartypants
07-01-2005, 08:36 AM
Not to be a picker of nits, JT, but I think if you are suggesting they quote Dahmer, for accuracy's sake it should be "I like my coffee like I like my young boys..."

craig johnston
07-01-2005, 09:39 AM
http://www.astoundinggraphics.com/images/products/coffee246011.gif

Frieda
07-08-2005, 11:31 PM
http://img35.imageshack.us/img35/3857/coffee6wp.jpg

Marcus Bales
07-10-2005, 07:19 AM
FRONT:
A sip and your body and mind
Begin to become realigned
Straight black and hot
Or ... er ... ah ... um ... not

BACK:
We've got what you need: URBAN GRIND.

zenbabe
04-20-2006, 02:45 AM
ok!!

UPDATE!!!

T-Shirts are back up on the auction block! Only this time it is because a fvcking Starbucks is opening up across the fvcking street!!!!! MOTHER FVCKERS!!!!!!! :mad:

So what we need now, are over the top clever jabs at starbucks, logo's, slogans, anything.

Same rules apply, if your design/idea get made into T-shirts, you will recieve one in the mail, no questions asked.

ps: no T-Shirts have been printed to date, but it just might be time.

Work with me people, WORK WITH ME!

Marcus Bales
04-20-2006, 09:31 AM
Don't be a starbucker
Drink Urban Grind

Hyakujo's Fox
04-20-2006, 11:28 AM
With Starbucks Coffee you've always got grounds for complaint.

trisherina
04-20-2006, 12:31 PM
"buck" mass conformity
drink Urban Grind

dinzdale
04-20-2006, 01:00 PM
Urban Grind
Helping shakey people wake up since 2005

surflugen
04-20-2006, 02:18 PM
Be part of the
Urban Grind
or got back to
Seattle

dinzdale
04-20-2006, 03:57 PM
URBAN GRIND

Putting the Chaps in Chinos

Coffee
04-21-2006, 05:20 AM
URBAN GRIND
Bean There.

Smartypants
04-21-2006, 06:44 AM
I dunno; I'm still fond of "Latte Pimp" and "Caffeine Whore"

For variety, you could offer "Mocha Slut" and "Half-Caff Hussy"

On a serious note:

I'd rely on making the cafe more attractive to customers rather than draw attention to Starbuck's by actively denigrating them. In fact (and listen to me! I'm in marketing! ;) ), mention of your competition only helps promote them. Well-run cafes survive despite SB's opening across the street from them, because customers WANT the little guys to succeed, but their product, atmosphere and service have to be worthy of the support.

My office used to be upstairs from a Starbucks and a one-off owner-operated cafe. The independent made awful coffee, had surly employees and crappy pastries, never comped their regular customers (or even bothered to learn their names), while the Starbucks was just the opposite. Everyone in the neighborhood made a point of patronizing the independent as long as possible, but eventually gave up. When the place finally went under, they posted huge signs in the window that said "ANOTHER STARF*CKED CAFE" and blamed their demise on SB's unfair competition, but I don't think the owner ever set foot in SB's to see why they were so successful. In the neighborhood where I live, the Starbuck's that moved in didn't make a dent in the business being done by the beloved local cafes, because first-time visitors choose the independent, and their experiences there bring them back.

Starbucks will always have customers, because it's consistent and reliable -- the same reason people go to McDonalds in Paris or Bangkok; they know exactly what they're going to get when they order -- but cafes survive by the regulars they attract, not the occasional coffee drinker.

-- End of unsolicited advice. NOW WHERE'S MY T-SHIRT??? --

trisherina
04-21-2006, 01:14 PM
blamed their demise on SB's unfair competition
There's really no such thing, unless there's legislation or organized crime working to give one business an advantage. But I'm with Smarty on this one: taking the low road against a competitor doesn't exactly signal superiority (though it might be fun, I'll give you that!). There's a great chapter in The Undercover Economist that talks about coffee shop wars and how large chains have gotten brilliant at pricing their products in such a way as to obtain the most information possible about buying decisions from customers -- which is a major factor in their success. Might be worth looking into for your coffee shop owner friend.

Coffee
04-21-2006, 02:21 PM
Zenny, if your friend does go ahead with shirt printing, please PM me for a quote on printing t-shirts and setting up art to work for printing. I'd like to bid on the job...it's my field after all.

ty

beckstra
04-25-2006, 12:09 AM
buckstarsucks

Who needs *$ when I can shit in a cup for you for free?

Both as suggested by my sister who is a barista out here in the midwest in a shop where they roast and tamp their own shots & don't use any sort of automatic drip for any of the espresso drinks.

craig johnston
01-04-2007, 09:05 AM
bump for andrealynnegirl
;)