A funny thing happened on my way ....

[nycwriters]

.

[mightytiki]

Matt, my roomate -a.k.a. the ThingFish- is a drunkened dwarf (I'm not being insulting ...he literally is) and is strange as they come.
One morning before work, I stagger out of my room en route to the restroom to ready myself for that horrible thing I call a job. Strangely I stopped midway and turned toward Matt's room where he was gazing at the ceiling in amazement. Before I could ask what's up, he blurts "how did I get it on the ceiling?" I walk to his room and I'm instantly overcome with a familliar stench...I look up to find the largest mass of vomit on the ceiling I had ever seen. Rather than following my first impulse to foul up on his carpet, I wanted to know more (if you knew a 4'8" man who could projectile vomit 6 feet in the air, you'd be interested too).
Seems he remember's getting real drunk at a bowling alley on the north side of town, leaving with the shoes and later getting caught on the wrong side of the highway trying to make a left turn. When asked by the cop who pulled him over if he saw the arrows, he replied "Arrows? I never saw the indians.." Although it's scary he was let off with a warning, he somehow made it home, he says at 4am he blacked out and doesn't remember the rest.

dammit....

I guess I may never know how Matt "redecorated" his room. Oh well.. :(

[amanda]

My brother just sent a blanket e-mail, detailing the explict reasons why he was switching e-mail addresses: he's tired of receiving invitations to have his penis enlarged or to see "Schindler's Fist" and "Sperms of Endearment".

Well, the blanket e-mail was also sent to our dear Madre as well.

So, he caught his mistake, sent an apology that went to her and all of his friends.

Both my mom and I sent replies back- she sent one to my brother (and all of his friends) saying she was surprised he didn't recognize her in any of the pictures. I sent one bereating him for exposing mom's second job like that... love, his little sister.

He'll be found under his desk, laughing and crying, I'm sure.

hee-hee!

[masterofNone]

This will not make any sense but here goes.

Years back, when I was working for a Xerox subsidiary helping to run their creative media lab, a group of us got into a discussion about superheroes and their attendent super villians. My friend Kevin and I were both comic book geeklings and had a little battle of trivia going. Then we came to superman and his ridiculous range of enemies. The hands down winner of the lamest nemesis was Mr Mxyzptlk who was this guy from the 5th dimension. As far as we could tell he was like the Great Gazoo in the Flinstones except he was a pain in the ass.

The only way for superman to defeat this cretin was to trick him into saying his name backwards which would instantly teleport Mr. Mxyzptlk to the 5th dimension.

Well, that seemed fairly arbitrary. I mean it could have been anything. Say his name backwards?

Then Kevin blurted out "Yeah, it would have been a different story if Superman had to trick him into having anal sex!"

oh my god.

I started laughing so hard I couldn't function. I was crying. Unable to breathe. Doubled over. So was he. Oddly the two girls in the discussion didn't find it at all humorous... which only made us laugh harder. The image of Superman bent over with Mr Mxyzptlk behind him. Superman laughing and saying "I've got you now!" and Mxyzptlk looking puzzled and confounded. It still kills me.

I thought about that several months later while I was alone in an express line at the grocery. I started laughing again all over. But when you're alone and you start laughing like that... you look like a pschizoid.

so there

I told you you probably wouldn't get it.

[lapietra]

See... that's just the kind of thing that gets me laughing hysterically... something just hits you the right way...

Can't think of anything funny (at least, that would seem funny in writing) right now... a few heart-warming tales - but the most recent thing that was soup-out-the-noise-side-splitting-can't-stop-even-to-breathe funny was my friend Monica, who has a talent for identifying the most delightful elements of pop culture and sharing them with her friends, dubbing herself the "Entertainment Pig", rooting out all pop culture truffles - with the accompanying joyful oink.

You had to be there.

[zenbabe]

First of all, let it be known that I am not a stoner, but on a rare occasion I will partake in smoking a bit of the ganga. I am still working in the freezing server room, but using my time to send out resume's and such. So, I land this interview with a pretty good company, great benifits, the whole shabang. Pass all those logic and personality tests, pass the criminal background check, pass the drug test. So its a friday and a full moon. I get an email from the guy saying that everything came back fine and he would like me to come in and sign some final documents. I decided to wait until the next day to reply to him. So, I am emailing back and forth with my girlfriend, since I don't have any IM's at work and we are discussing the events that are going to happen that night. The next day, I replied to the guy that Monday would be great and I would come in and sign whatever doc's he wanted. As I was reading my emails, I got a reply from him. It turns out, that the previous day, I had inadvertantly sent him an email that was meant for my girlfriend. What did it say you ask? It said "YAY, I passed my drug test!!! I can have some Scooby Snacks tonight!!!!"

his response, "I am not sure what to make of this response, but it isn't the one I was looking for, thank you for your time"

*shudders*

My friends havn't stopped laughing about that one!

[Deviate]

this picture:
(sorry KeyLime, i had to)








http://www.deviatedspectrum.biz/images/0301/030103-05.jpg

-st.

[zenbabe]

omg!! hahahhaa!! Oh, and um peg?? Dude! What is up with the doug fans?!?!?!? Holy Monkey!

[amanda]

I always thought the Great Gazoo in the Flintstones WAS a pain in the ass. I was more of a Jetson girl, myself.

Dev, careful...that might need surgery someday. We shouldn't laugh at other people's deformities. ;)

[Deviate]

one of the funniest things i've ever had the pleasure to experience happened a few years ago, but i was reminded of it just today.

my family and i were playing a game of Catch Phrase (if you've not played it, you must). my grandmother and i were on a team and were discussing the game as the other team tryed to guess the secret word.

the clues given were "it's a slang term for a part of the female anatomy." and "if you want to trick someone".

my grandmother leans to me and says "oh i know this one, i just read a book about it."

the team never guessed the secret term, which was 'booby trap'. when it was announced my grandmother slammed her hands down on the table and, at the top of her lungs, said (and i quote):

"NO IT'S NOT! IT'S SNATCH!"

i have to say, i never thought i would hear my grandmother say the word snatch, much less yell it loudly. i also wonder what book she proclaimed to have read on the subject....

i almost gave myself a concussion as i fell backward off the bench and onto the ground. i still laugh uncontrollably when i thing about it. whew.

-st.

[Indigo]

i have to say, i never thought i would hear my grandmother say the word snatch, much less yell it loudly.


DV8! *** wiping away tears*** Thank you!

[rmr]

Ok, I'm cracking up at all of your tales. Tops are Amanda and her brothers penial enlargement, superman giving/getting anal sex as a trick, grandmothers using the word snatch and I think it was allegro starting hers out "i'm not really a stoner"

Anyway I'm probably going to get booted off the board, but I was just doing a search on google for "free avatars" and well this link came up. I'm warning you it's bad (no pics, just naughty words). I just can't stop laughing at the words and trying to figure how they all ended up together and what it has to do with avatars????

http://toons.hotteenpages.com/

[masterofNone]

yeah, that's a search page. Webmasters put a huge list of all the phrases they want search engines to associate with their page in one big list. When google's search bots scan the page they'll record it so that anyone searching for any of those phrases will find that page.


In this case, I'm guessing it's a nursery school...

[rmr]

It's either a nursery school or I thought maybe it was a free association thing. You know where someone says a word and you say the next word that comes into mind.

a couple here that I thought made COMPLETE sense were:

eonline jab

pregnant transexual

crack kung fu

and my all time favortie

D*ckgirl disney

[OnlineGirl]

Yes, Zenbabe STILL is the butt of many jokes about this one. I still cant get how in the hell you could slip up like that!!!!!!!

[rmr]

I thought I'd share this little story and poem with you all and I hope some of you will find it funny. Quick background is that my Dad is really uptight, I mean he won't talk about using the bathroom, never have seen without a t-shirt, all about manners, yada, yada, yada and well I didn't seem to turn out the same as him. So I got my dog neurted about a month go and I bring up the topic as much as possible. He gets pissed. I brought it up at Christmas dinner and he almost refused to eat after that. He's also extremley paranoid about the interent and email. So I decided to email him a poem about the neutering and include all my friends on the email....here it is:

Ode to Simon (aka my testicles chopped off )
(dedicated to John (Jay-man) (our last name)


I didn't listen when you said that things were going to change
You said the way that I have known would never be the same
Times change I understand, but this I can't explain
For I don't know where they have gone I think I'm no more sane

I was so happy when we drove in that truck so bright and red
You left me with that older man who kind of wants me dead
He brought me to that dreadful place and then the doctor came
I the got shot, and that's a lot and then it was all pain

What am now without my balls, my sack is empty too
I don't know if I'm Simon or if you should call me Soo
It's quite confusing I attest to lose those precious jewels
I'd like to think that they'd grow back, but I simply lack the tools


Thank you, Thank you very much. This will be included in my book of poetry that I'm currently working on. Also, I'd like to point out that my father is really on this email. He inspired me to write thanks Dad - Way to go!!!

Needless to say that I received a phone call that stated "I'm not into this Ruthie and I can't believe that you would put that down in writing across the internet you never know where that might catch up with you" I'm still dying.

Also, my sister then sent my father this link and I still am cracking at the intro:

www.neuticles.com

I hope I don't come across too demented but I cannot stop cracking up.

[bealeblues]

that's actually pretty tame for some of the things i've heard/seen on this board, rmr.... but funny all the same... so no, you don't come off as demented.... (yet).... but keep trying....

[dinzdale]

Oh I think Rimmer's testicular tale was proof of at least 7 disorders, though not insanity yet......