Random meaningless questions

[moel]

...Because I'm bored.

1. So, can you dance better than Ze?

2. You are alone late at night in a large house, you hear a suspicious noise coming from the shed outside. Do you investigate?

3. 15 minutes of fame. Describe a time when you were “the bomb”.

4. Secret shame?

5. Is a barrel of monkeys fun…or sad?

6. Does the end justify the means?

7. Are you happy with your middle name?

8. How many languages can you speak?

9. Is the glass half empty or half full?

10. Have you ever finished the song “99 bottles of beer on the wall”?

11. Have you ever finished 99 bottles of beer?

12. Do you always obey the crab?

13. Where are you going the next time you get up?

14. Last and most important: Do you know where your towel is?

[rmr]

1. So, can you dance better than Ze?
Nope


2. You are alone late at night in a large house, you hear a suspicious noise coming from the shed outside. Do you investigate?
Hell no and that always pisses me of in the movies

3. 15 minutes of fame. Describe a time when you were “the bomb”.
I'd probably have to say when I was bartending. Nothing gives a girl her props better than having about 100 drunk guys around her.

4. Secret shame?
I'm addicted to all things related to the real world. Did you see rr/rw challenge I almost can't take it it's so great.

5. Is a barrel of monkeys fun…or sad?
Come to think about it it's sad. I don't think monkeys really like to be in a barrel.

6. Does the end justify the means?
It depends on the means you use.


7. Are you happy with your middle name?
Marie - no not at all

8. How many languages can you speak?
1

9. Is the glass half empty or half full?
Half full - I sometimes wonder who first thought of that.

10. Have you ever finished the song “99 bottles of beer on the wall”?
Yes

11. Have you ever finished 99 bottles of beer?
Pretty damn close

12. Do you always obey the crab?
Yes

13. Where are you going the next time you get up?
Walk the dog and then work

14. Last and most important: Do you know where your towel is?
Yes, I most certainly do.

[masterofNone]

1. So, can you dance better than Ze?
of course not

2. You are alone late at night in a large house, you hear a suspicious noise coming from the shed outside. Do you investigate?
of course

3. 15 minutes of fame. Describe a time when you were “the bomb”.
You'll be the first to know

4. Secret shame?
no secrets, no shame

5. Is a barrel of monkeys fun…or sad?
I've often wondered about this. Is it a barrel "full" of monkeys or a barrel "made" of monkeys? "of" just isn't specific enough to arrive at a satisfactory judgement. Please clarify and resubmit your form.

6. Does the end justify the means?
that depends of the end and the means. Now I've known some mean ends in my time.

7. Are you happy with your middle name?
of course

8. How many languages can you speak?
I can speak them all. Although I only know one.

9. Is the glass half empty or half full?
I don't see a glass.

10. Have you ever finished the song “99 bottles of beer on the wall”?
of course

11. Have you ever finished 99 bottles of beer?
At a conservative assumed intake of 6 beers per month since 1979... hell, I've finished well over 6000.

12. Do you always obey the crab?
only coincidently, except those times when I obey the crab accidently... when in the orient I have obeyed occidentally.

13. Where are you going the next time you get up?
That's a different question for blokes than it is for lasses. In my case... to bed.

14. Last and most important: Do you know where your towel is?
Don't panic.

[1kookykat]

1. So, can you dance better than Ze?

Better than Frank Zappa, but not as good as Ze.

"I may be totally wrong but I'm a Dancin' Foo-oool...
So smoke your little smoke
And drink your little drink
While I dance the night away!"

2. You are alone late at night in a large house, you hear a suspicious noise coming from the shed outside. Do you investigate?

I've got a flashlight and a Sig Sauer. Why not?

3. 15 minutes of fame. Describe a time when you were “the bomb”.

I won a city art contest as a H.S. freshman. To this day my graphic logo design is on the buses of that city which shall remain unnamed.

4. Secret shame?

I hate that design.:o

5. Is a barrel of monkeys fun…or sad?

It's a lot more fun than a barrel of donkeys.
It's a friggin' riot when they're priapitic Blue Suede MONKEY's.

6. Does the end justify the means?

Absolutely NOT! Pragmatism and relativism are fallacious and lead to gross injustice. (If you think this is untenable or narrow, consider the exclusivity of your own outlook and ask yourself, "Am I absolutely sure there are absolutely NO absolutes?")

7. Are you happy with your middle name?

I'm not exactly ashamed of Andrew. I just don't like "Andy" and I can't see myself as a "Drew".

8. How many languages can you speak?

Two: Miserable Spanish and Impeccable 1940's Los Angeleno Broadcasters' English.

9. Is the glass half empty or half full?

I'm glad you asked. The proverbial glass contains equal volumes of liquid (presumably) and air (atmosphere), respectively.

10. Have you ever finished the song “99 bottles of beer on the wall”?

It's not a song, it's a juvenile torture technique used by dorks with lots of stamina. Yes I have.

11. Have you ever finished 99 bottles of beer?

I make a valiant attempt at 99 pints of Guinness quite frequently.

12. Do you always obey the crab?

Of course. Where else would one go to find such ineffable wisdom?

13. Where are you going the next time you get up?

To get a Guiness.

14. Last and most important: Do you know where your towel is?

Hey, not only am I one kooky cat, I'm also one hoopy frood.:D

[noxxville]

1. So, can you dance better than Ze?
That must be a joke. Nobody, and I mean nobody, dances better than Ze.

2. You are alone late at night in a large house, you hear a suspicious noise coming from the shed outside. Do you investigate?
I'd investigate how fast my car keys can get me into the car and out of there....I'm clearly in the wrong house.

3. 15 minutes of fame. Describe a time when you were “the bomb”.
Yeah, see that hasn't quite happened yet.

4. Secret shame?
Pro Wrestling. It's ridiculous, stupid, poorly acted, and degrading to all of humankind. I love it......when nobody's around.

5. Is a barrel of monkeys fun…or sad?
Definately sad. Maybe closer to downright depressing.

6. Does the end justify the means?
If the end was the desired result of the means.

7. Are you happy with your middle name?
John - with a first name of Jason? Hey JJ. Yeah. I just love it.

8. How many languages can you speak?
1 3/8. 1 part English, 1/4 German, 1/8 Spanish

9. Is the glass half empty or half full?
I just want to know who drank half of the water.

10. Have you ever finished the song “99 bottles of beer on the wall”?
Never got past 4.

11. Have you ever finished 99 bottles of beer?
My aching head tells me that I have, but it's been known to exaggerate.

12. Do you always obey the crab?
I am compelled to obey the crab.

13. Where are you going the next time you get up?
Work

14. Last and most important: Do you know where your towel is?
naturally.

[Frieda]

1. So, can you dance better than Ze?
of course not!

2. You are alone late at night in a large house, you hear a suspicious noise coming from the shed outside. Do you investigate?
i grab my hockey stick and go investigate, after calling a friend

3. 15 minutes of fame. Describe a time when you were “the bomb”.
high school plays

4. Secret shame?
that's supposed to be a secret!

5. Is a barrel of monkeys fun…or sad?
both..

6. Does the end justify the means?
nope

7. Are you happy with your middle name?
yeah.. was named after my grandmother!

8. How many languages can you speak?
4

9. Is the glass half empty or half full?
full

10. Have you ever finished the song “99 bottles of beer on the wall?
we have this song called "a potje met vet" which is also a counting song.. finished this song when we were at 352

11. Have you ever finished 99 bottles of beer?
not in one evening

12. Do you always obey the crab?
i try

13. Where are you going the next time you get up?
probably the toilet

14. Last and most important: Do you know where your towel is?
always!

[RuneT]

[b]1. So, can you dance better than Ze?
Close, butt no

2. You are alone late at night in a large house, you hear a suspicious noise coming from the shed outside. Do you investigate?
Yes

3. 15 minutes of fame. Describe a time when you were “the bomb”.
while partying, I bomb all the time

4. Secret shame?
I am a lazy bastard

5. Is a barrel of monkeys fun…or sad?
sad

6. Does the end justify the means?
yes

7. Are you happy with your middle name?
yeah.. was named after my grandfather!

8. How many languages can you speak?
3

9. Is the glass half empty or half full?
full

10. Have you ever finished the song “99 bottles of beer on the wall?
I always loose the count

11. Have you ever finished 99 bottles of beer?
I always loose the count

12. Do you always obey the crab?
yes

13. Where are you going the next time you get up?
to work.

14. Last and most important: Do you know where your towel is?
yes, it's where it always is

[Indigo]

1. So, can you dance better than Ze?
Noone dances better than Ze.

2. You are alone late at night in a large house, you hear a suspicious noise coming from the shed outside. Do you investigate?
I put on my boots; put Reel 10 on repeat, very low; get the aftershock out of the fridge; pull my comfy chair to the most likely place a break in would occur; put in a new clip; put 911 on speed dial in case I picked the wrong entry point; and wait for the dumbass to try to get in.

3. 15 minutes of fame. Describe a time when you were “the bomb”.
i dont think i was ever said 'bomb'... however, at one time it was the very hip thing to have me custom paint your leather jacket.

4. Secret shame?
Its a secret.

5. Is a barrel of monkeys fun…or sad?
Little plastic monkeys? Sad. Being so bored.
Real monkeys? Sad. And most likely illegal.
ZeMonkeys? Hella great fun!

6. Does the end justify the means?
Only if you got there in a really nice way.

7. Are you happy with your middle name?
I guess so.

8. How many languages can you speak?
Fluently? None.

9. Is the glass half empty or half full?
Depends on what I'm drinking.

10. Have you ever finished the song “99 bottles of beer on the wall”?
Yep. While playing with little plastic monkeys.

11. Have you ever finished 99 bottles of beer?
Not in succession.

12. Do you always obey the crab?
No. I taunt the crab. I anger the crab.

13. Where are you going the next time you get up?
For more juice.

14. Last and most important: Do you know where your towel is?
Why? What did you wipe on it?

[chuckie egg]

1. So, can you dance better than Ze?
I think not!

2. You are alone late at night in a large house, you hear a suspicious noise coming from the shed outside. Do you investigate?
I might look out the window

3. 15 minutes of fame. Describe a time when you were “the bomb”.
Aha... I starred in a pop video once! lol

4. Secret shame?
Yes

5. Is a barrel of monkeys fun…or sad?
Probably a mixture, the ones at the bottom would be sad :(

6. Does the end justify the means?
always

7. Are you happy with your middle name?
hmm, anne, it'll do

8. How many languages can you speak?
uno

9. Is the glass half empty or half full?
half full YAY

10. Have you ever finished the song “99 bottles of beer on the wall”?
no way hosé

11. Have you ever finished 99 bottles of beer?
Not all at once, hehe

12. Do you always obey the crab?
mostly

13. Where are you going the next time you get up?
work..... again :(

14. Last and most important: Do you know where your towel is?
of course I do

[bealeblues]

1. So, can you dance better than Ze?

I can't dance better than an blind amputee, much less ze

2. You are alone late at night in a large house, you hear a suspicious noise coming from the shed outside. Do you investigate?

sure

3. 15 minutes of fame. Describe a time when you were “the bomb”.

last time i checked, i was still 'the bomb'

4. Secret shame?

i'm addicted to iron chef although i can't boil water

5. Is a barrel of monkeys fun…or sad?

ask ze... he has about 400 monkeys in his barrel

6. Does the end justify the means?

if you can still look yourself in the mirror, i suppose, but that answer is always skewed by your perspective and the perspectives of those around you

7. Are you happy with your middle name?

i suppose

8. How many languages can you speak?

1, with 2 dialects--- functional english with dialects of cajun and mountain redneck... and yes, that is as scary as it seems

9. Is the glass half empty or half full?

finish it off and it'll be empty and you can get another round

10. Have you ever finished the song “99 bottles of beer on the wall”?

haven't even tried

11. Have you ever finished 99 bottles of beer?

in one day, close, but no; in my lifetime, infinitely more than that

12. Do you always obey the crab?

i hardly ever obey anyone, which is part of my problem

13. Where are you going the next time you get up?

to take my dog to have his morning constitutional

14. Last and most important: Do you know where your towel is?

ummmm..... yes?

__________________

[amanda]

1. So, can you dance better than Ze?
Learning how to dance like ze is like learning a foreign language: it takes years to master, to master it takes practice, and the best place to practice is outside your country of origin.

2. You are alone late at night in a large house, you hear a suspicious noise coming from the shed outside. Do you investigate?
Walk quietly, with a big stick.

3. 15 minutes of fame. Describe a time when you were “the bomb”.
When I won the lottery. I was a month old.

4. Secret shame?
I used to look like the Lucy Pez dispenser.

5.Is a barrel of monkeys fun…or sad?
New world or Old world monkeys? Pickel or rum barrel? Always get the facts...

6.Does the end justify the means?
Depends on what side of the looking glass you are gazing through. As a general rule, probably not.

7.Are you happy with your middle name?
Louise is better thought out than Lynn.

8. How many languages can you speak?
American and British English, French (sort of), and I'm working on the Japanese...and Chinese in my sleep, apparently. (5)

9. Is the glass half empty or half full?
Pessimist by policy, optimist by temperament.

10. Have you ever finished the song “99 bottles of beer on the wall”?
Not if I could help it.

11. Have you ever finished 99 bottles of beer?
No, but I'm game. I always love a challenge.

12. Do you always obey the crab?
"Kiss the monkey"
*smooch*
yep.

13. Where are you going the next time you get up?
Bad MoN. I'm going to bed, but he's right- the question is different for a lass. I'll be going to sleep. Granola is for the morning. ;)

14. Last and most important: Do you know where your towel is?
42

[Madmack]

1. So, can you dance better than Ze?

Nope.. Dancing cuts into my drinking time....

2. You are alone late at night in a large house, you hear a suspicious noise coming from the shed outside. Do you investigate?

Yup...

3. 15 minutes of fame. Describe a time when you were “the bomb”.

Hmm.. If I ever was the bomb.. I guess I still am...

4. Secret shame?

Scottish background.. and I don't like scotch...

5. Is a barrel of monkeys fun…or sad?

Educational

6. Does the end justify the means?

Depending on your perspective.. they become part of the same...

7. Are you happy with your middle name?

Yup.. I use it as my first one..

8. How many languages can you speak?

English.. I can get by in Spanish.. I can get somthing to eat in French, a beer in German, directions to the bathroom in Dutch...

9. Is the glass half empty or half full?

Half full...

10. Have you ever finished the song “99 bottles of beer on the wall”?

Sure...

11. Have you ever finished 99 bottles of beer?

Century club..? Yup.. Sick for a day after it though..!

12. Do you always obey the crab?

Hmm.. mostly...

13. Where are you going the next time you get up?

To the printer...

14. Last and most important: Do you know where your towel is?

Yup.. Right where I left it...

[ella baby]

1. So, can you dance better than Ze?
in my demented opinion (under the influence of an amazing amount of alcohol and tonns of processed food with E numbers) I could never reach the height of gracefulness nor acrobatic cleverness that is ze's dancing

2. You are alone late at night in a large house, you hear a suspicious noise coming from the shed outside. Do you investigate?
definately not. Unless of course I have the local Rugby team over, then I'd send them out to have a look.

3. 15 minutes of fame. Describe a time when you were “the bomb”.
Not happened yet, and am not sure I want it to

4. Secret shame?
Wouldn't be a secret if I told now, would it?

5. Is a barrel of monkeys fun…or sad?
extremely sad.

6. Does the end justify the means?
completely depends on the end, the means, the justification, the perspective and people involved

7. Are you happy with your middle name?
don't have one, so yes

8. How many languages can you speak?
3 and a quarter

9. Is the glass half empty or half full?
half full, but would prefer it to be overflowing

10. Have you ever finished the song “99 bottles of beer on the wall”?
not even tried it yet, so no

11. Have you ever finished 99 bottles of beer?
hmmm, think I got to 4, but beer is not really my alcohol of choice

12. Do you always obey the crab?
not sure why I would want to obey a decapod that is related to lobsters and crayfish, though am sure that his commands are always highly obey-able

13. Where are you going the next time you get up?
kitchen for a more drink

14. Last and most important: Do you know where your towel is?
nope no idea. should I know?

[Deviate]

1. So, can you dance better than Ze?
yes, and i know someone who dances funnier than ze as well. sorry, wonderful Ze, but i am indebted to this person for showing me your website, with the heading "this guy ripped me off". Beale got a taste of the dance via webcam. genius. pure genius.

2. You are alone late at night in a large house, you hear a suspicious noise coming from the shed outside. Do you investigate?
i grab a phone and call someone. i pull out a large knife and go outside.

3. 15 minutes of fame. Describe a time when you were “the bomb”.
after any of my shows. i get such great feedback and wonderful accolades from the audience, actors, and crew. reminds me that i know what i'm doing.

4. Secret shame?
zeMonkey Chat. i don't know how secret it is, but i frequently sign on just to see who could intrigue me into the night. thanks to all the wonderful people who listened to my drivel all day and all night. wunderbar.

5. Is a barrel of monkeys fun…or sad?
depends on the size of the barrel and the size of the monkeys. who knows, they could be having a party in there.

meanwhile, i wonder how many zeMonkeys would fit into a barrel. with a little olive oil i'm sure quite a few. we should try...

6. Does the end justify the means?
yes.

7. Are you happy with your middle name?
yes.

8. How many languages can you speak?
um, i know english and bits and pieces of several others

9. Is the glass half empty or half full?
i fill my glass, baby.

10. Have you ever finished the song “99 bottles of beer on the wall”?
yes. try to finish 1 trillion bottles of beer on the wall. much more fun.

11. Have you ever finished 99 bottles of beer?
in a day? sadly not
in my life? hell yeah

12. Do you always obey the crab?
don't tell the crab this, but no. i have not yet sat on a plant pot. shhh.

edit: i sat on a plant pot. sorry Crab! i shall obey.

13. Where are you going the next time you get up?
probably lunch with KeyLime, off the the YawBus

14. Last and most important: Do you know where your towel is?
Hey, you sass that hoopy Deviate? Now there’s a cool frood who really knows where his towel is.

edit: thanks Moel, you hoopy frood you. you don't know how much i sass you for this question. i didn't give a pair of fetid dingo's kidneys about anything else in this thread.

[LadyCrow]

1. So, can you dance better than Ze?
-no one can dance better than ze... (not even Gene Gene The Dancing Machine)

2. You are alone late at night in a large house, you hear a suspicious noise coming from the shed outside. Do you investigate?
-hell no! I'm not as dumb as the fools in horror movies

3. 15 minutes of fame. Describe a time when you were “the bomb”.
-when I finally & "officially" opened my business.. still pretty freaking cool, ya know ;)

4. Secret shame?
-admitting that I own a Vanilla Ice tape

5. Is a barrel of monkeys fun…or sad?
-the game itself is fun, but a real barrel o'monkeys? very sad :(

6. Does the end justify the means?
(I almost missed this one...)
-depends on who's end we're talking about here {weg}

7. Are you happy with your middle name?
-sometimes, but I wish it were different; I share it w/my mother, sister & niece (BORING)
** hey rmr: we share the same middle name ;) **

8. How many languages can you speak?
-not sure I got English down all that well, but I get by; I took Spanish all throughout school, but couldn't have a decent conversation w/a fluent Spanish speaker

9. Is the glass half empty or half full?
-depends on what's in it

10. Have you ever finished the song “99 bottles of beer on the wall”?
-no; however, many moons ago 3 friends & I went on a road trip to Canada, & got pulled over by the cops for no reason (really!!!); we invented a new song after the butthole left: "99 Cops lined up on a wall.. 99 cops on the wall.. you take one down & crush his head.. (Kids In The Hall influence) etc..."

11. Have you ever finished 99 bottles of beer?
-hell no (x2)... beer is nasty kaka (except for this funky raspberry beer I had once... I'd love to try it again)

12. Do you always obey the crab?
-when I'm half-asleep

13. Where are you going the next time you get up?
-probably to do the dishes that have been sitting in my sink since last night; well, depending on what time it is when I'm done here, I might watch something on the ol'booby tooby

14. Last and most important: Do you know where your towel is?
-crumpled up on the counter, unfortunately

[dickieC]

1. So, can you dance better than Ze?

Anyone in "Naked Lunch" (17 Thomson Street, SoHo, NY) on the night of January 4th 2003 might have confused us. I was putting some mean moves together, in a confined space I might add.

2. You are alone late at night in a large house, you hear a suspicious noise coming from the shed outside. Do you investigate?

No, I spend my time reassuring my imaginary girlfriend that it's just a cat.

3. 15 minutes of fame. Describe a time when you were “the bomb”.

Getting 4 A grades for my A levels. What a smartass.

4. Secret shame?

I own the Brian May album "Back to the Light". Oh deary me.

5. Is a barrel of monkeys fun…or sad?

Fun, I suppose?

6. Does the end justify the means?

Maybe.

7. Are you happy with your middle name?

Yes, Tyrrell, named after my paternal grandmother's maiden name.

8. How many languages can you speak?

English, French, German, a few words of Dutch, Schweitzer Deutsch, Italian and Portuguese.

9. Is the glass half empty or half full?

Half empty, usually.

10. Have you ever finished the song “99 bottles of beer on the wall”?

Yes, but only when I was 11 years old.

11. Have you ever finished 99 bottles of beer?

I am far too sensible to attempt the Centurion.

12. Do you always obey the crab?

? I have been away too long.

13. Where are you going the next time you get up?

Walking across the room to get my coat.

14. Last and most important: Do you know where your towel is?

Deviate has already got in with the correct response. So I'll just suck the end (the one with the antidepressants).

[lapietra]

1. So, can you dance better than Ze?
It's just so subjective. How can you even compare the two? You know, it's that right coast/left coast thing....
Uhhh... no.

2. You are alone late at night in a large house, you hear a suspicious noise coming from the shed outside. Do you investigate?
Yeah - sort of - I peek out my window, then dive under the covers, then peek out again - then I go call 911. (This actually happened to me recently...)

3. 15 minutes of fame. Describe a time when you were “the bomb”.
I could tell you, but then I'd have to kill you.

4. Secret shame?
I like to watch "Married With Children" sometimes... I really identify with Kelly.

5. Is a barrel of monkeys fun…or sad?
I have to agree with rmr - nobody likes to be stepped on.

6. Does the end justify the means?
For everybody else. Not for me.

7. Are you happy with your middle name?
Yes. I got to pick it myself. (Julia, after the Beatles' song)

8. How many languages can you speak?
One fluently, another enough to get around; another 3 well enough to translate opera scores.

9. Is the glass half empty or half full?
Depends on the day.

10. Have you ever finished the song “99 bottles of beer on the wall”?
Nope. People start throwing things at me. Then I start singing "The Buzzard Song".

11. Have you ever finished 99 bottles of beer?
I made a valiant attempt my freshman year in college. Very likely - it's hard to tell when you keep refilling one of those giant plastic cups...

12. Do you always obey the crab?
Yes. Then I hit him with a hammer and eat him.

13. Where are you going the next time you get up?
(oops... I missed this before...)
To go practice on my guitar. Badly.

14. Last and most important: Do you know where your towel is?
I have towels placed at various strategic locations throughout the universe. You can use one if you like. Just fold it and put it back neatly. No toothpaste smudges, please.

[danh]

...Because I'm bored.

Likewise...

1. So, can you dance better than Ze?
Not yet, I've been studying his moves for many weeks now.
Soon I will have mastered them all.

2. You are alone late at night in a large house, you hear a suspicious noise coming from the shed outside. Do you investigate?
Yes, but only is there is a known killer on the loose, its foggy, I've been drinking, and there is some "spooky" music apperently coming from nowhere.

3. 15 minutes of fame. Describe a time when you were “the bomb”.
have I ever been "the bomb?"
hmmm...... no.
(see question 4)

4. Secret shame?
well, its kinda pathetic...
I'm majoring in physics. (and a gasp of horror fills the room...)

5. Is a barrel of monkeys fun…or sad?
that depends on how the monkeys feel about it.
if the monkeys are happy, then I'm happy.
if the monkeys are sad, then I'm not quite as happy.

6. Does the end justify the means?
my ends???? yes
YOUR ends???? no.

7. Are you happy with your middle name?
yes, who wouldn't be happy with a middle name like Pididiot?

8. How many languages can you speak?
0.9
0.7 english (I ain't never been no good with words)
0.2 german (Ja!!! Ich kann deutsch sprechen... not really)

9. Is the glass half empty or half full?
I guess, that would depend on your outlook on life...
(and everyone marvels at my deep insight)

10. Have you ever finished the song “99 bottles of beer on the wall”?
no, but I did invent a drinking song thats even worse, one that never ends. I call it "N bottles of beer on the wall” (see question 4)

N bottles of beer on the wall
N bottles of beer
take one down, pass it around
N-1 bottles of beer on the wall
...
ad infinitum/ad nauseam

11. Have you ever finished 99 bottles of beer?
not in one sitting. maybe I'll try.

12. Do you always obey the crab?
cooked the crab, ate the crab
no more crab to obey.

13. Where are you going the next time you get up?
realize there is nothing to do... sit back down.... maybe cry

14. Last and most important: Do you know where your towel is?
I see others have beaten me to the correct response.

last night I finished reading the fourth book ("... we apologize for the inconvenience..." too funny)
this inspired me to write "Don't Panic" in large friendly letters across my calculator. I'm such a dork (see question 4).... someone please shoot me.

[daverbee]

1. So, can you dance better than Ze?
I don't dance.

2. You are alone late at night in a large house, you hear a suspicious noise coming from the shed outside. Do you investigate?
My dogs do the investigating for me.

3. 15 minutes of fame. Describe a time when you were “the bomb”.
Hasn't happened yet.

4. Secret shame?
Got caught shoplifting when I was 15 yo.

5. Is a barrel of monkeys fun…or sad?
Depends on whether they're still living or not.

6. Does the end justify the means?
Not always.

7. Are you happy with your middle name?
Yes. Why?

8. How many languages can you speak?
Two. English and cat.

9. Is the glass half empty or half full?
After I finish it off it's completely empty.

10. Have you ever finished the song “99 bottles of beer on the wall”?
No.

11. Have you ever finished 99 bottles of beer?
Not all at once.

12. Do you always obey the crab?
I have no idea what this means.

13. Where are you going the next time you get up?
To lunch.

14. Last and most important: Do you know where your towel is?
Yes. Do you need it?

[Hyakujo's Fox]

1. So, can you dance better than Ze?

no

2. You are alone late at night in a large house, you hear a suspicious noise coming from the shed outside. Do you investigate?

unlikely

3. 15 minutes of fame. Describe a time when you were “the bomb”.

I dunno, I think I peaked in grade six. I had my adenoids removed at went from the slowest runner in the class to the fastest. I was also the smartest in the class. And one of the best girls liked me.

4. Secret shame?

it's a secret

5. Is a barrel of monkeys fun…or sad?

it's kinda sad really

6. Does the end justify the means?

what else could justify the means?

7. Are you happy with your middle name?

sure

8. How many languages can you speak?

one

9. Is the glass half empty or half full?

it varies

10. Have you ever finished the song “99 bottles of beer on the wall”?

yes, but only because I skipped the middle bit

11. Have you ever finished 99 bottles of beer?

in some years

12. Do you always obey the crab?

well, let's just say I have never knowingly disobeyed the crab

13. Where are you going the next time you get up?

to bed

14. Last and most important: Do you know where your towel is?

yes, I know where all my towels are

[fodder]

Originally posted by moel
...Because I'm bored.

1. So, can you dance better than Ze?

yeah i'm a good dancer

2. You are alone late at night in a large house, you hear a suspicious noise coming from the shed outside. Do you investigate?

no, my imagination flurries, though *flurry*

3. 15 minutes of fame. Describe a time when you were ?the bomb?.

since high school, my sweetness grows and grows

4. Secret shame?

it's a secret

5. Is a barrel of monkeys fun?or sad?

dorky

6. Does the end justify the means?

dorky

7. Are you happy with your middle name?

yeah it's 80s like an aerobic instructor

8. How many languages can you speak?

1 1/2

9. Is the glass half empty or half full?

dorky

10. Have you ever finished the song ?99 bottles of beer on the wall??

dorky

11. Have you ever finished 99 bottles of beer?

sicc

12. Do you always obey the crab?

hott

13. Where are you going the next time you get up?

class

14. Last and most important: Do you know where your towel is?

hanging over my balth, all picturesque

[Spicy Jack]

...Because I'm bored.
Hey, me too!

1. So, can you dance better than Ze?

From what few examples I have seen of Ze’s dancing, I would have to give an emphatic yes. And now I am scared to see any of you dance.

2. You are alone late at night in a large house, you hear a suspicious noise coming from the shed outside. Do you investigate?

No. That’s what cell phones and boys are for. And what am I doing in a large house? And why is there a shed?

3. 15 minutes of fame. Describe a time when you were “the bomb”.

Is my time up already? Damn. I was so cool.

4. Secret shame?

I have Justin Timberlake CD’s.

5. Is a barrel of monkeys fun…or sad?

Lame. I don’t get it. You make a money chain? Doesn’t make sense.

6. Does the end justify the means?

Even the most justified end cannot erase the path we take to get there.

7. Are you happy with your middle name?

I like it better than my first.

8. How many languages can you speak?

2 1/2

9. Is the glass half empty or half full?

The glass is apparently larger than it needs to be.

10. Have you ever finished the song “99 bottles of beer on the wall”?

No. I hate that song.

11. Have you ever finished 99 bottles of beer?

Bottles, no. Century Club, yes.

12. Do you always obey the crab?

Why the hell would I obey any crab and how on earth would I communicate with it? You people are mad.

13. Where are you going the next time you get up?

To get coffee I presume.

14. Last and most important: Do you know where your towel is?

I have a bunch at home and a few in my car.

[priceyfatprude]

Originally posted by Spicy Jack
From what few examples I have seen of Ze’s dancing, I would have to give an emphatic yes. And now I am scared to see any of you dance. Good God.

http://www.zefrank.com/invite/swfs/index2.html

Please study accordingly.

[bealeblues]

1. So, can you dance better than Ze?

i dont dance better than my dog

2. You are alone late at night in a large house, you hear a suspicious noise coming from the shed outside. Do you investigate?

hell yeah-- probably varmits trying to get at the 'shine still i have out in the shed

3. 15 minutes of fame. Describe a time when you were “the bomb”.

i've never claimed to be cool

4. Secret shame?

80% of my musical collection

5. Is a barrel of monkeys fun…or sad?

como say what?

6. Does the end justify the means?

no end justifies the means if you compromise yourself along the way

7. Are you happy with your middle name?

i like the shortened version of my middle name

8. How many languages can you speak?

american, confederate, some cajun, some spanish

9. Is the glass half empty or half full?

all the way empty if it's vodka near me

10. Have you ever finished the song “99 bottles of beer on the wall”?

i've never even started that song

11. Have you ever finished 99 bottles of beer?

in how long a time period?

12. Do you always obey the crab?

see answer to 5, above

13. Where are you going the next time you get up?

i might not get up for the rest of the day

14. Last and most important: Do you know where your towel is?

no, but i know where my flannels are, and that's really the most important thing

[short order]

1. So, can you dance better than Ze?
I don’t dance.

2. You are alone late at night in a large house, you hear a suspicious noise coming from the shed outside. Do you investigate?
No. I assume it is rats and go back to sleep.

3. 15 minutes of fame. Describe a time when you were “the bomb”.
I’ve never been “the bomb”.

4. Secret shame?

5. Is a barrel of monkeys fun…or sad?
I think it is relative.

6. Does the end justify the means?
In the end you realize that you've created very little.

7. Are you happy with your middle name?
I don’t have one.

8. How many languages can you speak?
English and some German.

9. Is the glass half empty or half full?
It is empty and in need of more beer.

10. Have you ever finished the song “99 bottles of beer on the wall”?
No.

11. Have you ever finished 99 bottles of beer?
More times than I’d like to admit.

12. Do you always obey the crab?
I am the crab.

13. Where are you going the next time you get up?
To grab another beer so I can fill up my glass.

14. Last and most important: Do you know where your towel is?
On the cold tiles, curled up, damp.

[moel]

wiat what

[xerocs]

1. So, can you dance better than Ze?
-can anyone?

2. You are alone late at night in a large house, you hear a suspicious noise coming from the shed outside. Do you investigate?
-yes

3. 15 minutes of fame. Describe a time when you were “the bomb”.
-I haven't had my fifteen minutes yet...

4. Secret shame?
-then it wouldn't be a secret would it?

5. Is a barrel of monkeys fun…or sad?
-thinking back to all the things that have been said to be "more fun than a barrel of monkeys"... I would have to go with sad

6. Does the end justify the means?
-if the end was the original objective, yes

7. Are you happy with your middle name?
-as happy as it is with me I would assume

8. How many languages can you speak?
-three but not all fluent

9. Is the glass half empty or half full?
-what is in the glass?

10. Have you ever finished the song “99 bottles of beer on the wall”?
-never tried
11. Have you ever finished 99 bottles of beer?
-are we speaking in lifetime terms?

12. Do you always obey the crab?
-wax lyrical about a wookie

13. Where are you going the next time you get up?
-sadly... work

14. Last and most important: Do you know where your towel is?
-Don't Panic

[melissa]

Originally posted by moel
...Because I'm bored.

1. So, can you dance better than Ze?
What are your definitions of 'dance' and 'better'?

2. You are alone late at night in a large house, you hear a suspicious noise coming from the shed outside. Do you investigate?
Probably not.

3. 15 minutes of fame. Describe a time when you were “the bomb”.
Mardi Gras a few years ago. I had a group of 17 and I got us into the club for free.

4. Secret shame?
I really like glitter, when it's used right.

5. Is a barrel of monkeys fun…or sad?
Are the monkeys dead or alive?

6. Does the end justify the means?
I don't think so, but I need more information.

7. Are you happy with your middle name?
Very happy with my middle name, not my first though. I've gone by my middle name since I was 11.

8. How many languages can you speak?
2: English and Drunk.

9. Is the glass half empty or half full?
Half full, always.

10. Have you ever finished the song “99 bottles of beer on the wall”?
Never started singing that song.

11. Have you ever finished 99 bottles of beer?
Not in one night, maybe so far in my lifetime.

12. Do you always obey the crab?
What's the crab say?

13. Where are you going the next time you get up?
To my job interview!!

14. Last and most important: Do you know where your towel is?
Always.

[chuckie egg]

1. So, can you dance better than Ze?
I don't think so, I'd like to dance WITH him someday ;)

2. You are alone late at night in a large house, you hear a suspicious noise coming from the shed outside. Do you investigate?
yeah probably, I'm stupid like that

3. 15 minutes of fame. Describe a time when you were “the bomb”.
I once starred in a music video for a band I'd never heard of, or heard of since - doing kungfu, cool at the time!

4. Secret shame?
then it wouldn't be a secret would it?

5. Is a barrel of monkeys fun…or sad?
fun fun fun

6. Does the end justify the means?
mmmmmaybe?

7. Are you happy with your middle name?
Anne? Its alright..

8. How many languages can you speak?
1.15

9. Is the glass half empty or half full?
Half FULL

10. Have you ever finished the song “99 bottles of beer on the wall”?
Nah

11. Have you ever finished 99 bottles of beer?
Not on my own, no

12. Do you always obey the crab?
NEVER

13. Where are you going the next time you get up?
from my chair? The toilet probably

14. Last and most important: Do you know where your towel is?
yep, on my box of random stuff in my room

[lvlycwgirl]

1. So, can you dance better than Ze?
Yes

2. You are alone late at night in a large house, you hear a suspicious noise coming from the shed outside. Do you investigate?
Yes of course. Me & my Beretta :0)

3. 15 minutes of fame. Describe a time when you were “the bomb”.
I was interview by Diane Sawyer when she was on 60 minutes in the late 80's!

4. Secret shame?
it's shameful enough it's a secret

5. Is a barrel of monkeys fun…or sad?
FUN

6. Does the end justify the means?
not alwaysB]

7. Are you happy with your middle name?
[B]Jessica, it's not bad..

8. How many languages can you speak?
1 (2 if I drink enought)

9. Is the glass half empty or half full?
Half Full

10. Have you ever finished the song “99 bottles of beer on the wall”?
Yes, about 99 times

11. Have you ever finished 99 bottles of beer?
hate beer

12. Do you always obey the crab?
NEVER

13. Where are you going the next time you get up?
from my chair? vending machine

14. Last and most important: Do you know where your towel is?
on the floor next to the bed of course! [/QUOTE]

[red]

1. So, can you dance better than Ze?
no

2. You are alone late at night in a large house, you hear a suspicious noise coming from the shed outside. Do you investigate?
yes

3. 15 minutes of fame. Describe a time when you were “the bomb”.
yet to happen

4. Secret shame?
no shame

5. Is a barrel of monkeys fun…or sad?
figuratively it's funny, in reallity it's just sad

6. Does the end justify the means?
that's like which came first the chicken or the egg

7. Are you happy with your middle name?
yes

8. How many languages can you speak?
1-1/2

9. Is the glass half empty or half full?
it's exactly even

10. Have you ever finished the song “99 bottles of beer on the wall”?
ugh

11. Have you ever finished 99 bottles of beer?
if I did, I don't remember it

12. Do you always obey the crab?
yes because I was hypnotized into it. I must defend my pie.

13. Where are you going the next time you get up?
pick up outputs off the laser printer

14. Last and most important: Do you know where your towel is?
yes, you always need a towel

[agentsmith]

1. So, can you dance better than Ze?

HAH just try me...

2. You are alone late at night in a large house, you hear a suspicious noise coming from the shed outside. Do you investigate?

yeah, but i also drag along some weapons and a video cam

3. 15 minutes of fame. Describe a time when you were “the bomb”.

my 15 minutes has yet to end...

4. Secret shame?

um...(i derive much enjoyment from 80s hair metal)

5. Is a barrel of monkeys fun…or sad?

scary

6. Does the end justify the means?

yes. yes it does. (unless it doesnt.)

7. Are you happy with your middle name?

NO

8. How many languages can you speak?

just the one, fluently that is.

9. Is the glass half empty or half full?

neither. its at the middle.

10. Have you ever finished the song “99 bottles of beer on the wall”?

yes. many times.

11. Have you ever finished 99 bottles of beer?

not without peeing inbetween.

12. Do you always obey the crab?

ALWAYS...

13. Where are you going the next time you get up?

to get some FOODAGE

14. Last and most important: Do you know where your towel is?

no. i dont. it left me for another agent. the bastard.

[Magpie]

1. So, can you dance better than Ze?
no, I mean yes.

2. You are alone late at night in a large house, you hear a suspicious noise coming from the shed outside. Do you investigate?
I send my dogs.

3. 15 minutes of fame. Describe a time when you were “the bomb”.
Early 20's. Radio DJ partying w/the cool crowd :rolleyes:

4. Secret shame?
I watch MTV.

5. Is a barrel of monkeys fun…or sad?
Depends whether you're on the top or the bottom.

6. Does the end justify the means?
Sometimes.

7. Are you happy with your middle name?
Yes.

8. How many languages can you speak?
1 1/4, English, Lakota

9. Is the glass half empty or half full?
Most days it's half full... today it's half empty.

10. Have you ever finished the song “99 bottles of beer on the wall”?
Unfortunately yes.

11. Have you ever finished 99 bottles of beer?
Fortunately no.

12. Do you always obey the crab?
No because it told me to "Fvck off, I'm knackered." - plus it's stupid.

13. Where are you going the next time you get up?
To get some iced tea.

14. Last and most important: Do you know where your towel is?
Of course.

[masterofNone]

1. So, can you dance better than Ze?
men must stop dancing once they pass 40.

2. You are alone late at night in a large house, you hear a suspicious noise coming from the shed outside. Do you investigate?
yes.

3. 15 minutes of fame. Describe a time when you were “the bomb”.
cheap high school fame.

4. Secret shame?
i am shameless.

5. Is a barrel of monkeys fun…or sad?
monkeys, fun. apes, sad.

6. Does the end justify the means?
it does if you live beyond your means.

7. Are you happy with your middle name?
aye.

8. How many languages can you speak?
one.

9. Is the glass half empty or half full?
does it have to be a glass?

10. Have you ever finished the song “99 bottles of beer on the wall”?
yep.

11. Have you ever finished 99 bottles of beer?
over what time frame?

12. Do you always obey the crab?
i hate the feckin' crab.

13. Where are you going the next time you get up?
to bed.

14. Last and most important: Do you know where your towel is?
i have many and i know where they all are.

[zenbabe]

1. So, can you dance better than Ze?

~waves hands in the air like I just dont care!

2. You are alone late at night in a large house, you hear a suspicious noise coming from the shed outside. Do you investigate?

~shoot first, get asked questions later

3. 15 minutes of fame. Describe a time when you were “the bomb”.

ROOMBA (http://www.standardimagination.com/blogspace/zen.mov)

4. Secret shame?

~ I would leave my husband if it came down to either him or cheese

5. Is a barrel of monkeys fun…or sad?

~depends on if you are stoned

6. Does the end justify the means?

~ depends on the end

7. Are you happy with your middle name?

~ I am a virgin

8. How many languages can you speak?

~Just the language of love baby

9. Is the glass half empty or half full?

~ The wine runneth over

10. Have you ever finished the song “99 bottles of beer on the wall”?

~ yes

11. Have you ever finished 99 bottles of beer?

~ only on a dare

12. Do you always obey the crab?

~ I like to eat them

13. Where are you going the next time you get up?

~ I am going to get laid

14. Last and most important: Do you know where your towel is?

~as a matter of fact, I do!

[melissa]

You were great on Ellen!! That was so funny!

[ally]

1. So, can you dance better than Ze?


all depends on the quantity of alcohol consumed.


2. You are alone late at night in a large house, you hear a suspicious noise coming from the shed outside. Do you investigate?


I don't have a shed.



3. 15 minutes of fame. Describe a time when you were “the bomb”.


still waiting for thoses 15 mins...


4. Secret shame?


i own most of eminem's albums.


5. Is a barrel of monkeys fun…or sad?


if you lot are the monkeys then it can only be fun.


6. Does the end justify the means?


if it suits me then yes.


7. Are you happy with your middle name?


not a problem in english, but louise is like the equivalent of girtrude or mildred in french.



8. How many languages can you speak?


2


9. Is the glass half empty or half full?



completly empty if i get my hands on it.



10. Have you ever finished the song “99 bottles of beer on the wall”?


nope.



11. Have you ever finished 99 bottles of beer?


nope.


12. Do you always obey the crab?


hee hee. of course i do.


13. Where are you going the next time you get up?


bed.

14. Last and most important: Do you know where your towel is?


yup, i'm a real hoopy frood me.

[Coffee]

1. So, can you dance better than Ze?

Yes

2. You are alone late at night in a large house, you hear a suspicious noise coming from the shed outside. Do you investigate?

Yes

3. 15 minutes of fame. Describe a time when you were “the bomb”.

Yes

4. Secret shame?

Yes

5. Is a barrel of monkeys fun…or sad?

Yes

6. Does the end justify the means?

Yes


7. Are you happy with your middle name?

Yes


8. How many languages can you speak?

Yes


9. Is the glass half empty or half full?

Yes


10. Have you ever finished the song “99 bottles of beer on the wall”?

Yes

11. Have you ever finished 99 bottles of beer?

I don't remember...so, probably yes, but I digress.

12. Do you always obey the crab?

Yes

13. Where are you going the next time you get up?

Yes

14. Last and most important: Do you know where your towel is?

Who?

[lapietra]

bump-day

[madasacutsnake]

8. How many languages can you speak?

6

english
french
german (and swiss german but I'm not couting that)
italian
japanese
pitjantjatjara

Do I win?

[Clytie]

1. So, can you dance better than Ze?
are you nutz? Ze is the best!!!!

2. You are alone late at night in a large house, you hear a suspicious noise coming from the shed outside. Do you investigate?
of course and i take a flashlight and my .357!

3. 15 minutes of fame. Describe a time when you were “the bomb”.
one time on my way to a party with a less than fantastic salad, i had a great idea. I would liven up the dish with more ingredients...only i was miles from any store (it was in the boonies) so i stopped at the first house i saw. i told the residents i was on a scavenger hunt and needed salad fixings. they gave them to me. best salad ever!

4. Secret shame?
i spend $$ on overpriced coffee everday *hangs head*

5. Is a barrel of monkeys fun…or sad?
always fun fun fun!!!!

6. Does the end justify the means?
it does when you are fishing...sometimes you need to kill a few worms to get a catch. but not in

7. Are you happy with your middle name?
sure...it means cascading

8. How many languages can you speak?
3
je parle francis
i speak english
*signs at the screen* asl

9. Is the glass half empty or half full?
theres a glass!?!?!

10. Have you ever finished the song “99 bottles of beer on the wall”?
99bottles o b33r (http://www.thej3w.net/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=861&PN=1&TPN=1)

11. Have you ever finished 99 bottles of beer?
just did *feels proud*

12. Do you always obey the crab?
im a cancer...why would i disobey?

13. Where are you going the next time you get up?
back to bed!

14. Last and most important: Do you know where your towel is?
they have towels!?!?!

[priceyfatprude]

1. So, can you dance better than Ze?

No.

2. You are alone late at night in a large house, you hear a suspicious noise coming from the shed outside. Do you investigate?

I am white girl, so in the movies, I totally would. IRL, not a ****ing chance.

3. 15 minutes of fame. Describe a time when you were “the bomb”.

I'm going to be interviewed by a reporter for my PKD Walk. (http://walk.pkdcure.org/site/TR?px=1008244&s_tafId=1138&pg=personal&fr_id=1031&s_oo=9TulAAX9fnqPLhYs3lnipg..) I might tell her I made goal with the support of Monkeys alone.

4. Secret shame?

Singing to myself in Eric Cartman's voice.

5. Is a barrel of monkeys fun…or sad?

Fun.

6. Does the end justify the means?

Sometimes.

7. Are you happy with your middle name?

Yes.

8. How many languages can you speak?

English, Italian, Yawn-ese, Drunk-ese, Spanish, I'd say 5.

9. Is the glass half empty or half full?

Half full. It'd be all the way full, but I got thirsty.

10. Have you ever finished the song “99 bottles of beer on the wall”?

Sadly, no.

11. Have you ever finished 99 bottles of beer?

Sadly, yes.

12. Do you always obey the crab?

She's my mom, I have to.

13. Where are you going the next time you get up?

Bathroom.

14. Last and most important: Do you know where your towel is?

Yes.