Makes me cry and breaks me!

[venusupnorth]

Some life experiences have made me think x2. Let's post about our breaking points in life.........

[zenbabe]

you first.

[venusupnorth]

can't tell I'm leaving this place, sorry

[venusupnorth]

over and out

[Max Headroom]

this thread changed.. last night i came to it and there was a link to a country album.

-------------------------------------

Parents divorced when I was 15........ That one moment did more to change my perspective on like than anything else

[Clytie]

valentines day 2005

[joppa.gal]

Brother's death 2004.

...STILL twisted and wretched from that. ;(

[Avalon]

Brother's death 2004.

...STILL twisted and wretched from that. ;(

We have this in common, joppa. My brother also died in '04. The hole his death left in my heart and my life wil never be filled. :(

[bealeblues]

summer 1992

then october, 1992

[lapietra]

Losing Schroeder - and the family aftermath.

[Hermione]

I remember this. I was so sad for you :(

We have this in common, joppa. My brother also died in '04. The hole his death left in my heart and my life wil never be filled. :(

[Avalon]

Thank you Surbhi.

[joppa.gal]

We have this in common, joppa. My brother also died in '04. The hole his death left in my heart and my life wil never be filled.

I joke to cover up, but I seriously have emotional scar tissue and bitterness about death and God's hand in all of this. I'll be praying ;)

[Klynne]

Brother's death 2004.

...STILL twisted and wretched from that. ;(

I am so sorry. Hugs to you.

[Klynne]

We have this in common, joppa. My brother also died in '04. The hole his death left in my heart and my life wil never be filled. :(

Much love to you. XOXOXO

[joppa.gal]

Hugs to everyone

*hug*

[smellyrayzin]

parents divorce a year ago.
and their abandonment after it. when i needed them most.


i dont have parents anymore.

[Brynn]

My parents divorced when I was 16 and then my dad died of a stroke a year later before I ever spoke to him again. A year after that I became suicidal - all because my beloved boyfriend betrayed me.

Compared to that time in my life, everything seems pretty darn great now.
Some of it surfaced again when ex-boyfriend (now a published author, married with kids) recently tracked me down to say "hi." I was surprised at how potent my feelings of anger and vulnerabilty still were after all these years. When I brought up the subject of forgiveness, he told me he had completely forgiven me for attempting suicide. :rolleyes:

[venusupnorth]

http://tn8.deviantart.com/300W/images2.deviantart.com/i/2004/07/b/a/Blue_Rose.jpg

[venusupnorth]

Tough love is sometimes the only way to help someone :(

[sparticle]

My friend $%^& is in a very abusive relationship....

Maybe if she changed her name. I mean, it's bound to get the ball rolling.

"Hey, $%^&!"

"You talkin' to me?!? Who you callin' a $%^&?!?!?"

"You, $%^&! That's your name, isn't it?"

Violence is bound to ensue....

[venusupnorth]

My friend $%^& is in a very abusive relationship....

Maybe if she changed her name. I mean, it's bound to get the ball rolling.

"Hey, $%^&!"

"You talkin' to me?!? Who you callin' a $%^&?!?!?"

"You, $%^&! That's your name, isn't it?"

Violence is bound to ensue....

Just the fact that you're making fun of this shows what kind of a person you are. I didn't post her real name because this is a serious situation. I got Pms from a person on here and we talked about the fact that there are people on here that get off on making fun of people's problems. It's sad because this makes this place so not honest when people fear to post something personal because someone is going to make fun of it.

Seriously do you think a woman deserves to be abused, please explain?

[sparticle]

I was an abused wife for seven years. Shut up unless you know who you're talking to.

I left the situation and am happily remarried for sixteen years now.

[Clytie]

....

take deep cleansing breaths

....

[Avalon]

You cannot help someone unwilling to help themselves. Allowing someone to use your home as shelter for 10 years makes you an enabler, not a good friend. It is good that you finally put your foot down, but you are about 9 years too late.


And yes, I also know what I am talking about. My ex slammed me through a full view glass door while I was holding my then 10 month old daughter. I was all of 19, but I was outa there before they were done picking the glass out of my hair. I took what was important to me: my daughter and my life. Your friend has no priorities.

[sparticle]

^^^What she said. End of story.

[Audreyvgs]

Quote V:
"I got Pms from a person on here and we talked about the fact that there are people on here that get off on making fun of people's problems. It's sad because this makes this place so not honest when people fear to post something personal because someone is going to make fun of it."



this is not that. Trust me.

[venusupnorth]

I was an abused wife for seven years. Shut up unless you know who you're talking to.

I left the situation and am happily remarried for sixteen years now.

Shut up, I will not? Why the hell did you make fun of this then if you didn't want a reaction? Seeing humor in this is sick and the fact that you've been abused yourself makes it even more twisted. Laughing at other peoples sorrows is low, very low.

[venusupnorth]

You cannot help someone unwilling to help themselves. Allowing someone to use your home as shelter for 10 years makes you an enabler, not a good friend. It is good that you finally put your foot down, but you are about 9 years too late.


And yes, I also know what I am talking about. My ex slammed me through a full view glass door while I was holding my then 10 month old daughter. I was all of 19, but I was outa there before they were done picking the glass out of my hair. I took what was important to me: my daughter and my life. Your friend has no priorities.

I always thought about the kids safety and like I said I was behaving like a person that codepends with an alcoholic. You think you're doing good until someone points it out to you, which a good friend of mine did the other day.

I'm glad you left him that's a horrible thing to go through. I left my ex with my 10 month old son after he tried to strangle me. Not all women have the strength to do that though, that is why alot of them end up being killed in the end.

[sparticle]

Shut up, I will not? Why the hell did you make fun of this then if you didn't want a reaction? Seeing humor in this is sick and the fact that you've been abused yourself makes it even more twisted. Laughing at other peoples sorrows is low, very low.

You couldn't be more clueless if you were twins.

[trisherina]

meeting at 2:00 PM (http://www.livejournal.com/userinfo.bml?user=offenderati)

[sparticle]

meeting at 2:00 PM (http://www.livejournal.com/userinfo.bml?user=offenderati)


holy sheepshit! There's somebody on there named "shannystalker" and it isn't me!

BTW, the NHL has declared the season "on", so the Shanny stalking will resume beginning in October. :)

[sparticle]

I got Pms from a person on here

Who knew it was contagious? Explains a lot, though.

Who was the "carrier"/vector? Or do we want to know?

[Audreyvgs]

I dont get that anymore! :D

[NimbleMarmoset]

^ ^ me neither. Now, if I'm a bitch. . . i won't use that tired old excuse.

[priceyfatprude]

Allowing someone to use your home as shelter for 10 years makes you an enabler, not a good friend. One taco short...

[craig johnston]

oh that explains a lot. i think i got pms from here too.
is that possible?

[lapietra]

My friend $%^& is in a very abusive relationship and just called me tonight to stay at my house with her kids. Since 1995 I've been providing my home as a shelter for her and her daughters when her husband flips out. For the first time in my life I said no to her and advised her to get help from proffesionals. First of all when she does come over she has bruises and her daughters are distraught. My son takes a week to recover from the phone calls and stalkign her husband does and I feel like I'm invading my home on purpose. She always goes back to him and he's so kind for a month?
I can't judge her though I was living with an abusive spouse, but I did manage to get out after 9 months of abuse. The legal system doesn't do much for women in this situation unless they're almost dead or dead.

I just called her mom and she agrees with me that this is like dealing with an alcoholic, we can't co-depend with her anymore. This is so painfull but I know that in the long run she might see that we are doing this out of love. Tough love is sometimes the only way to help someone :(

Repeatedly allowing her to use your home as a temporary convalescent space until she goes back for more abuse, subjecting you to her lack of willingness to do something about her pain over and over, makes you a doormat and gives her a reason to think everything's okay.
However - is this the first time you've suggested that she gets help? I think it would be horribly scary to try to do something like that on your own, if you were afraid he might retaliate. Did you give her the opportunity to get help while she was staying with you? If so, I totally agree with you... It's kind of like living with an addict. You can only give them so many chances...

[rmr]

oh that explains a lot. i think i got pms from here too.
is that possible?

me too and it's starting to itch

[melissa]

And right before your wedding? That's gotta suck.

[rmr]

tell me about it

and it burns -- oh boy does it burn

[craig johnston]

hey rmr, actually it was you i caught it off.
it all started when you refused to remove
your pants.....

[Frieda]

is this in any way related to the STD my friend Giuseppe's ex girlfriend had :confused:

[rmr]

^^ yes i've been std'ed

sorry frieds

craig -- you stay out of my pants!!!

[Frieda]

dammit, rims. you have to be more careful!

[venusupnorth]

Repeatedly allowing her to use your home as a temporary convalescent space until she goes back for more abuse, subjecting you to her lack of willingness to do something about her pain over and over, makes you a doormat and gives her a reason to think everything's okay.
However - is this the first time you've suggested that she gets help? I think it would be horribly scary to try to do something like that on your own, if you were afraid he might retaliate. Did you give her the opportunity to get help while she was staying with you? If so, I totally agree with you... It's kind of like living with an addict. You can only give them so many chances...

I've brought her to a shelter for battered women, informed her about all the options. She has stayed with me ones or twice a year, she usually goes to family members first. It's a shame because she does have the ability to leave but he has really scared her into thinking he will kill her or the kids. He's even threatened to kill her brother who has gotten the most involved. I hope she does go to the shelter again and lets those women that work there help her.

The reality of this is message board is sad and thanks for not making fun of this Lapietra. People's lack of compassion and character gives them an excuise to get a kick out of other peoples problems.

[sparticle]

I've brought her to a shelter for battered women, informed her about all the options. She has stayed with me ones or twice a year, she usually goes to family members first. It's a shame because she does have the ability to leave but he has really scared her into thinking he will kill her or the kids. He's even threatened to kill her brother who has gotten the most involved. I hope she does go to the shelter again and lets those women that work there help her.

The reality of this is message board is sad and thanks for not making fun of this Lapietra. People's lack of compassion and character gives them an excuise to get a kick out of other peoples problems.

And you STILL don't get it.

This is an internet message board. Not a social services center, not church, not a therapy group, not a lonely hearts club, not a reality TV soap opera, not a ready-made set of new best friends. We are (some of us) compassionate toward one another, once we have gotten to know each other, but this is a public place, and you are going to get all kinds of reactions. You put something out there, and people are going to react to it HOW and WHEN they choose.

Nowhere is it written that we have to get down into a big sob sister Dr. Phil Show on cue just because YOU decide it's time. Some of us deal with our problems in ways other than to blat them all over a public message board. There are those who might think my comments, especially as an abuse survivor, are "sick", but they are mine to make. A sense of humor is the highest form of defense. I suggest you develop one, along with a thicker hide.

And what kind of fvcking irresponsible IDIOT continues to go back to someone who would threaten or imply that he would kill the KIDS? Those kids should have been removed from the home long ago. The first time my ex so much as raised his voice to my then-infant son was the day I found the courage to leave him.

You didn't help this woman, you enabled her denial and endangered her children, and provided her abusive spouse with the perfect setting to continue the drama. You're lucky he didn't come to your home and harm all of you. This is what happens when well-meaning people interfere with things that are beyond their capability to handle.

What you THINK you know, and your propensity to act and comment at large on this unverified knowledge, is your own worst enemy, not to mention annoying to others.

[venusupnorth]

Hey Spartackle if this were a place where only a select few could post what they want to I'm sure ZE would point that out. If you don't like reading what I post I suggest that you put me on block. I do happened to have a few friends on here that give a sh*t so take your b*tching somewhere else. Did you noticed the name of the thread, well it is about people's problems. If you don't want to hear it don't open it up.
As for your knowledge and opinions of battered women I suggest you read up on the subject you will find out that a majority of women fear their life and have a hard time leaving the situation. Finding humor in that is sick in my book but you find it funny, whatever...............

[sparticle]

Hey Spartackle if this were a place where only a select few could post what they want to I'm sure ZE would point that out. If you don't like reading what I post I suggest that you put me on block. I do happened to have a few friends on here that give a sh*t so take your b*tching somewhere else. Did you noticed the name of the thread, well it is about people's problems. If you don't want to hear it don't open it up.
As for your knowledge and opinions of battered women I suggest you read up on the subject you will find out that a majority of women fear their life and have a hard time leaving the situation. Finding humor in that is sick in my book but you find it funny, whatever...............

I needn't read up on the subject, having got a pretty good firsthand education in it, a concept you are obviously incapable of grasping.

As for what I post and when and where I post it, I shall continue to do as I please.

You're obviously unable to disagree with someone in an adult fashion, without losing your temper and making a fool of yourself, so I will take your one and only intelligent suggestion and put you on my ignore list.

edited to add:

I will, however, find ignoring you somewhat of a loss. You're such an engaging little train wreck, always so ready to make a ninny of yourself for any or no reason.

[Avalon]

Venus, a few words of advice:

Becareful of the bridges you burn.

With your penchant for messing with someone's screen name, you are beginning to sound just like the one person you claim to despise. It is a childish thing to do and only makes you look desparate.

Other people have opinions and are going to voice them. You keep inviting people to put you on ignore and soon you will be talking to yourself. You seem to be going out of your way to alienate people; soon the very people you call your friends are going to have better things to do.

Other people on this board have friends too.

Take it from someone who knows, walk away and leave it alone. That is what the rest of us are going to do. Find something or somewhere else to post if all you want is conflict. If you look for it here or anywhere for that matter, trust me, you are going to find it.

There is one more lesson, but I will wait and see how this goes.

[craig johnston]

wow, i totally agree with avalon!
well done v.u.n. you have made a better world
by mistake.
;)

[venusupnorth]

wow, i totally agree with avalon!
well done v.u.n. you have made a better world
by mistake.
;)

I just thanked her for some good needed advice, she has a way with words :rolleyes:

[Gatsby]

Venus, I'd take note that even though you may think you're only arguing with one person at a time, what you post can offend many. You're putting people off and not even realizing it.

Subtle humor in a tongue-in-cheek manner is the heart of this board. I personally don't think Spart's original post was anywhere out of line, and your suggestion that she become more "educated" in the area is obtuse and offensive.

But you justify that by jumping onto a soapbox and loudly proclaiming to the world your right to be here.

Well, it's true, you do have a right to be here, and you can say whatever you'd like, but that certainly doesn't mean that people are bound to respond to you only in ways that flatter you.

If the response to your spontaneous vomiting of intensely personal information isn't exactly what you'd like to see, then stop posting things that are so intensely personal.

And certainly don't deign to know what goes on in the lives of the others on this board and justify your behavior on those grounds. I promise you, exchanging PM gossip and attempting to publicly use it as a weak weapon will only lead you to one end.

[priceyfatprude]

I'm going to marry Gatsby.

[topcat]

oh great another lesbian wedding

[Gatsby]

You know you like it, TC. *wink*

[topcat]

true

[priceyfatprude]

Topcat, how much would you charge to videotape the honeymoon? Or would you pay us? :p

[Avalon]

I do believe TC is in shock, or heaven, or both :p

[topcat]

you and gats i would do for free but cj and lm i would have to charge

[sparticle]

Who's throwing the shower?

[topcat]

i am but only gats and pfp and myself will be attending and it will be held in my shower

[Avalon]

Then I will bring the towels :D

[Willow Sylph]

Somebody better bring the bar of soap on a rope, too!

[topcat]

and a loofah

[topcat]

Out

[sparticle]

I wish I was Canadian, because then I would have better manners.

Maybe.

[rmr]

And you STILL don't get it.

This is an internet message board. Not a social services center, not church, not a therapy group, not a lonely hearts club, not a reality TV soap opera, not a ready-made set of new best friends. We are (some of us) compassionate toward one another, once we have gotten to know each other, but this is a public place, and you are going to get all kinds of reactions. You put something out there, and people are going to react to it HOW and WHEN they choose.

Nowhere is it written that we have to get down into a big sob sister Dr. Phil Show on cue just because YOU decide it's time. Some of us deal with our problems in ways other than to blat them all over a public message board. There are those who might think my comments, especially as an abuse survivor, are "sick", but they are mine to make. A sense of humor is the highest form of defense. I suggest you develop one, along with a thicker hide.

THANK YOU for spelling out exactly how I feel (FYI i think the above^^ should be the rules of the board even though i voted that there shouldn't be any but whatever) -- This is public forum and if you post your personal business on here don't go CRYING all over the place about how people are “mean” and how they “enjoy picking on others” just because they don’t have the reaction you want. GIVE ME A BREAK as much as others complain about the big mouths -- I can't handle the "serial victims/whiners" that post all their problems on this board and then get their panties in a bunch when everyone is not high fiving them or giving them group hugs and offering their support. this board was not created so that individuals could find validation in their personal life. Grow up or get some help -- because it's not the board's job to make us feel good about ourselves.

[trisherina]

Brings to mind a thread from a little more than a year ago. Some people had somewhat different feelings about that one, as I recall, vis-a-vis the issue of how to respond to expressed emotional distress.

[topcat]

^^^exsplian luuucy

[trisherina]

The old Heart on sleeve> thread, as I recall, ran a little differently.

[sparticle]

The old Heart on sleeve> thread, as I recall, ran a little differently.

JFTR, I played favorites in that thread, and I am not about to backpedal and say I didn't. I had a lot to learn about message board interaction.

However, I'd like to think I'm capable of change. One of the things that the sturm und drang of last year's board wars taught me is that nobody ever solved anything by posting it on a public , open message board, and quite often personal opinions about personal problems can be the catalyst of destructive dissent in what was an otherwise interesting online community.

I have appropriate places, online and offline, to share things that are personal, and I'm grateful I do. I'm a member of a few "closed" online groups that are a lifeline to me. They are ABOUT friends or people with common difficulties meeting and sharing their experience, strength and hope.

This isn't one of 'em. This is a public place, just like a club, a coffee shop or a hotel lounge, for the enjoyment of anyone who cares to drop in. What I have learned is that "here" is a place where I "put on my best hat and earrings", drop in for awhile and try to be sociable, make light conversation or make cultural observations in a mature spirit of discussion, then depart for other pursuits. I also feel a certain obligation not to be a bore, so pardon me if this post is much too long. :-)

This particular board is NOT the place to share things I should reserve for my priest, my gynecologist or a close circle of private acquaintances. It's Not Polite. Nobody Wants To Hear It. At least, not when they wouldn't know me from Adam's off ox. That's why I have support groups, both online and IRL, of people I have gotten to know, most of whom are very close and trusted friends. (Ironically, some of them I have met on public message boards, but anyway.) We lean on each other and we care. If we want to rant about what's griping us personally, we do it in our own private space on our own time.

Not Here. This is a public place, and a public place is no place for intensely personal information, "stalking" type behavior (including "stepping on" every post someone tries to make or adopting "alter egos" for the purpose of harassing people) and angry, embarrassing drama. It's just not fair to others, who come here to have a good time, blow off a little steam and even learn something once in awhile.

At least, that's what I have learned. From my mistakes, no less. Remarkable what you can learn that way if you pay attention. ;)

[priceyfatprude]

The old Heart on sleeve> thread, as I recall, ran a little differently.I remember that thread, and I'm wondering, why do you think that is?

Is it b/c NYC had been posting here for almost 2 years at the time, and felt she could trust us? I mean, there had been board wars before that, but that thread is a good representation of the closest thing we have ever had here to everyone holding hands & singing 'Kumbaya'.

Say what you want about airing your problems on a public message board, it's a good way to get a wide variety of opinions on the matter. Not all of which you will agree with, obviously. But sometimes that's what you need to see--opinions of people who are not directly involved in the situation, who have no emotional ties.

I think in Venus' case, she hasn't been here long enough, ie, it's hard to give someone the benefit of the doubt when a) you don't know them very well & b) they seem to post things like this w/regularity.

Just my opinion, not judging, not personally attacking. It'd be nice if we could have a mature, adult discussion of this.

As for Zero's post in that old thread, I can understand where he's coming from, b/c there are times I have felt like that, too. Granted, the timing was incredibly shitty, but there you have it. There's probably not one person who posts here who can say they've never felt that way. How we deal w/it is up to us.

[trisherina]

I wonder about it a lot. What spart said and what you contain things I've thought before, too.

Interesting that Smarty advised everyone to take a chill pill: I was giving that advice here just last night in P-mail.

Anyway.