Limericks for the Purist (communal)

[ProfessionalGun]

Alright folks! Get out your calculators. The rules here are STRICT! . . . Some of you will try. . . few will succeed. . . SO PAY ATTENTION!

Standard Limerick Form: AABBA . . . yesss, a lot like the band wiseguy- but BETTER. Now listen up!

The form above relates not only to rhyme (where all the "A" lines rhyme with each other, and both the "B" lines rhyme with each other), but to rhythm as well. This means WATCH YOUR SYLLABLES. If you've ever listened to music in your life, then this shouldn't be too difficult. The "A" lines MUST have 3 beats. Here's a little test. . .

Which of the following "A" lines is correct?

a) This one.
b) I like to go fishing.
c) Hickory dickory dock.
d) I like to be careless and ruin limericks with GREAT POTENTIAL!

So what did you choose? Did you choose "b"? Well congratulations! You're wrong. While "b" can arguably be divided into 3 beats, two different ways (with emphasis on "like", "go", and "ing" - or - "I", "to", and "fish") it's inappropriate because. . . . ?

. . . It lacks FLOW!

If it sounds awkward- IT'S WRONG! Sooooo- that said, the right answer is "c". "Hickory dickory dock" is a brilliant concoction of consonance and meter- the first words providing forward motion and the last setting a definite finish point for the line. THREE sure-fire beats that you'd have to fight human nature in order to read incorrectly!

THAT- is what the limericks in this post will glorify! METER! BEAUTIFUL RHYTHMIC ACCURACY! ! ! . . . (and please don't forget rhyme!).

So the "A" lines have 3 beats. The "B" lines have 2. If you remember that- then MY DREAM WILL COME TRUE.

Example.

Hickory dickory dock (3)
The mouse ran up the clock (3)
The clock struck one (2)
The mouse ran down (2)
Hickory dickory dock (3).

Oh MOTHER OF. . . pearl. My example doesn't even follow the rhyme scheme! Slant rhyme. I HATE slant rhyme. "one" and "down" don't rhyme! And come to think of it- this poem doesn't even make sense! We're going to do SOOO much better, aren't we? Goooooood. Let's go.

Recap: Remember A(3)-A(3)-B(2)-B(2)-A(3) . . . no problem, right? . . . and don't forget. . . I'M WATCHING YOU.

Here we go. I'll start.

1. Someone please shut this guy up

[chuckie egg]

1. Someone please shut this guy up
2. I'll have to throw up in a cup

[Indigo]

1. Someone please shut this guy up
2. I'll have to throw up in a cup
3. I'll up in my cup
4. And cup up my "up"
5. If this mother will STFU

[ProfessionalGun]

**One line per post, please. No posts in succession.**

1. On Fridays I sleep in a bucket

[masterofNone]

1. On Fridays I sleep in a bucket.
2. If there's work, I generally duck it.

[chuckie egg]

1. On Fridays I sleep in a bucket.
2. If there's work, I generally duck it.
3. Then weekend arrives!

[masterofNone]

1. On Fridays I sleep in a bucket.
2. If there's work, I generally duck it.
3. Then the weekend arrives!
4. I forget all that jive.

[zenbabe]

1. On Fridays I sleep in a bucket.
2. If there's work, I generally duck it.
3. Then the weekend arrives!
4. I forget all that jive.
5. Go drinking with friends and say F**k it!

[masterofNone]

1. ten menders were mending their tents

[ProfessionalGun]

1. ten menders were mending their tents
2. ten menders had tent poles with dents

[1kookykat]

1. ten menders were mending their tents
2. ten menders had tent poles with dents
3. their poles were made straight

[Indigo]

1. ten menders were mending their tents
2. ten menders had tent poles with dents
3. their poles were made straight
4. with bond-o fixate

[1kookykat]

1. ten menders were mending their tents
2. ten menders had tent poles with dents
3. their poles were made straight
4. with bond-o fixate
5. 'til it dried and the pain was intense

[ProfessionalGun]

**my god. . . that was beautiful! I love you people.**

1. I see you've a restraining order

[1kookykat]

1. I see you've a restraining order
2. Still I risk overstepping the border

[chuckie egg]

1. I see you've a restraining order
2. Still I risk overstepping the border
3. "... should not have done that"

[masterofNone]

1. I see you've a restraining order
2. Still I risk overstepping the border
3. "... should not have done that"
4. Broke into your flat,

[1kookykat]

1. I see you've a restraining order
2. Still I risk overstepping the border
3. "... should not have done that"
4. Broke into your flat,
5. And stole your athletic supporter

[Deviate]

1. pants.

[ProfessionalGun]

**Oops! See that, everyone? Deviate has trouble following instructions! Feel free to destroy her with your crazy limerick skills.**

1. Deviate can't write a limerick

[masterofNone]

1. Deviate can't write a limerick
2. No

[zenbabe]

1. Deviate can't write a limerick
2. No
3. Blow

[ProfessionalGun]

Very interesting. . . . and so it goes.

If you don't want to post here. . . don't.

. . . Otherwise, refer back to the first post for the rules of this thread.

[Frieda]

and you, my friend professional gun, can't handle a petite joke. ;)

[ProfessionalGun]

It's endearing, Frieda- really it is. . . but alas!

I MUST PROTECT THE INTEGRITY OF MY THREAD! ! ! :D

[dinzdale]

1. He probably thinks he's quite smart

[zenbabe]

1. He probably thinks he's quite smart
2 To come up with a thread from the start

[dinzdale]

1. He probably thinks he's quite smart
2 To come up with a thread from the start
3. But all he has shown

[zenbabe]

1. He probably thinks he's quite smart
2 To come up with a thread from the start
3. But all he has shown
4. That a thread you can't own

[masterofNone]

1. He probably thinks he's quite smart
2 To come up with a thread from the start
3. But all he has shown
4. That a thread you can't own
5. if the zeMonkeys don't give a fart

[ProfessionalGun]

Bravo! :p

I love you all more than ever.

[masterofNone]

1. I love you all more than ever.
2. So I hope we can play nice together

[dinzdale]

1. I love you all more than ever.
2. So I hope we can play nice together
3. I doubt it somehow

[zenbabe]

1. I love you all more than ever.
2. So I hope we can play nice together
3. I doubt it somehow
4. Since the future is now

[dinzdale]

1. I love you all more than ever.
2. So I hope we can play nice together
3. I doubt it somehow
4. Since the future is now
5. and things have a way of getting fvcked up in a hurry around here.

..oops sorry (too many sillybubs)...

[ProfessionalGun]

Ahhh. . . a bit of colorful commentary from dinzdale. Somewhere between 'light-hearted fun' and 'hatred unparalleled' lies. . . whatever is going on here- and you're right. This definitely isn't MY thread. . . and I regret phrasing it that way. It's OURS- and I hoped it would be fun. I'm just hoping (honestly) that while putting on this strange sort of defiant postpartum display of teenage-angst, that you ARE infact having fun. Fun! Have fun. Don't hate. . . right masterofnone?

1. I promise I won't run for office

[masterofNone]

1. I promise I won't run for office
2. Henceforth I will eat only raw fish

[zenbabe]

1. I promise I won't run for office
2. Henceforth I will eat only raw fish
3. I had a baby named Chad

[ProfessionalGun]

1. I promise I won't run for office
2. Henceforth I will eat only raw fish
3. I had a baby named Chad
4. Florida was his dad

[zenbabe]

1. I promise I won't run for office
2. Henceforth I will eat only raw fish
3. I had a baby named Chad
4. Florida was his dad
5. I can't find a rhyme for office and fish

[1kookykat]

1. There once was a brain in a vat

[masterofNone]

1. There once was a brain in a vat
2. A fine brain, no mistake about that.

[moel]

1. There once was a brain in a vat
2. A fine brain, no mistake about that.
3. 'Twas smart as can be.

[ProfessionalGun]

1. There once was a brain in a vat
2. A fine brain, no mistake about that.
3. 'Twas smart as can be.
4. Favored complexity

[Deviate]

1. There once was a brain in a vat
2. A fine brain, no mistake about that.
3. 'Twas smart as can be.
4. Favored complexity
5. 'Til big bad brain went splat

[moel]

1. When I go running at night

[chuckie egg]

1. When I go running at night
2. Sometimes I step in some shite

[ProfessionalGun]

1. When I go running at night
2. Sometimes I step in some shite
3. I scrape it off quick

[Deviate]

1. When I go running at night
2. Sometimes I step in some shite
3. I scrape it off quick
4. goo.

[masterofNone]

HAHHHHAHAHHA
that's hysterical.... the literary equivalent of a speed bump.

[ProfessionalGun]

Tell me what you're trying to prove, Deviate. . . . trying to get me to "report this post to a moderator"? Heh. Please.

So. . . were we moving at dangerous enough speeds to merit the installation of that speed bump? Someone call the highway regulatory commission. . . .

[1kookykat]

Take it easy now, P.G. That's the way they do limericks in DV8's country.
This is the way we do limericks in my country:

1. Gher vharrrbledy yoinck fnork twexl

[masterofNone]

1. Gher vharrrbledy yoinck fnork twexl
2. Gher shreiverty sprock ghondvexl

[RuneT]

1. Gher vharrrbledy yoinck fnork twexl
2. Gher shreiverty sprock ghondvexl
3. neben neben scwall

[ProfessionalGun]

(I can dig it)

1. Gher vharrrbledy yoinck fnork twexl
2. Gher shreiverty sprock ghondvexl
3. neben neben scwall
4. greepsen greepsen drawe

[1kookykat]

1. Gher vharrrbledy yoinck fnork twexl
2. Gher shreiverty sprock ghondvexl
3. neben neben scwall
4. greepsen greepsen drawe
5. Ohndt storrffle pip quagpfozzer-schnexl

[ProfessionalGun]

1. When's the last time that you showered?

[masterofNone]

1. When's the last time that you showered?
2. By your aroma I am quite overpowered

[1kookykat]

1. When's the last time that you showered?
2. By your aroma I am quite overpowered
3. Like Eau d' Wet Yak

[masterofNone]

1. When's the last time that you showered?
2. By your aroma I am quite overpowered
3. Like Eau d' Wet Yak
4. It's hygiene you lack

[moel]

1. When's the last time that you showered?
2. By your aroma I am quite overpowered
3. Like Eau d' Wet Yak
4. It's hygiene you lack
5. Stop fearing the water you coward.

[zenbabe]

1. There was once a young man named Buzz

[moel]

1. There was once a young man named Buzz
2. Who was covered in a very fine fuzz

[masterofNone]

1. There was once a young man named Buzz
2. Who was covered in a very fine fuzz
3. Dressing up for a Rave,

[1kookykat]

1. There was once a young man named Buzz
2. Who was covered in a very fine fuzz
3. Dressing up for a Rave,
4. He attempted to depilate

[zenbabe]

1. There was once a young man named Buzz
2. Who was covered in a very fine fuzz
3. Dressing up for a Rave,
4. He attempted to depilate
5. ......................................

[1kookykat]

The master left a tough setup for me.

Let's see,

behave
brave
cave
crave
Dave
fave?
gave
grave
nave
save

I give up.

[zenbabe]

Originally posted by 1kookykat
The master left a tough setup for me.

Let's see,

behave
brave
cave
crave
Dave
fave?
gave
grave
nave
save

I give up.

lol!!! depilate?

[ProfessionalGun]

Originally posted by 1kookykat
The master left a tough setup for me.

Let's see,

behave
brave
cave
crave
Dave
fave?
gave
grave
nave
save

I give up.


Hey, the way I see it, 'depilate' was really your only option.

[masterofNone]

hello.... shave?

[1kookykat]

1. There was once a young man named Buzz
2. Who was covered in a very fine fuzz
3. Dressing up for a Rave,
4. Shave and a haircut--two bits




No, that that kind of throws off the timing.

I think that with the situation that's been set up by Zen, moeL and moN up through line 3, some sort of fuzz removal is definitely the way to go.

4. He tweezed himself in a cave


Aw, hell. Somebody else try it.

[ProfessionalGun]

1. There was once a young man named Buzz
2. Who was covered in a very fine fuzz
3. Dressing up for a Rave,


Listen I must agree that some sort of fuzz removal would add nicely to the theme here, but frankly- the setup has left no such option. I contacted the CEO of Nads© Hair Removal Cream, and he had this to say, "Though our cream is capable of many things, we do not suggest you use it on your. . . limerick." He then took me aside and gave me the names of several creams HE enjoys using on HIS limerick. . . and I am not at liberty to list those here.

So- we definitely have ourselves a dilemma here. Perhaps:

4. He dried off from a bathe

???

No, you're right. That sucks too.

[nycwriters]

Originally posted by masterofNone
hello.... shave?

Yup.

4. He prepared for a shave

[ProfessionalGun]

Hmmm. . . now why didn't we think of that?

1. There was once a young man named Buzz
2. Who was covered in a very fine fuzz
3. Dressing up for a Rave,
4. He prepared for a shave
5. And did as a hairy man does.

[nycwriters]

4. He was really quite brave
4. He was looking to save
4. All the stares he did stave
4. It was something to crave
4. After he left his cave

[ProfessionalGun]

nyc- you really didn't get it, did you. . . . :) Ah well.



1. There's always room for Jello

[nycwriters]

Sorry, wasn't paying attention.

*shrug*

[dinzdale]

Oi ! Purist....

1. There IS al-ways room for Jell-O.

Start agian.......

[masterofNone]

1. There IS al-ways room for Jell-O.
2. This thread is not for the mellow

[ProfessionalGun]

1. There IS al-ways room for Jell-O.
2. This thread is not for the mellow
3. I'll bust out my gat. . .

[masterofNone]

1. There IS al-ways room for Jell-O.
2. This thread is not for the mellow
3. I'll bust out my gat. . .
4. pop a cap in yo rat.

[nycwriters]

1. There IS al-ways room for Jell-O.
2. This thread is not for the mellow
3. I'll bust out my gat. . .
4. pop a cap in yo rat.
5. Cos your shortie ain't phat like J-Lo

[1kookykat]

Can we go back and change it back to depilate? I really liked depilate. Oh well.

While we're on the subject,

1. There IS nothing like a shorn scrotum

[moel]

1. There IS nothing like a shorn scrotum
2. They wanted some proof so I should 'em

[ProfessionalGun]

Originally posted by dinzdale
Oi ! Purist....

1. There IS al-ways room for Jell-O.

Start agian.......

Let me just break the flow for a moment. . . Dinz. . . it's all in the interpretation. For instance, I read your division of beats as 4 instead of 3. (the hyphenated "al-ways" leads me to believe you intended a beat there, as well). . . . Now- I could read this so it fits a 3 beat form, but yours leaves question.

And. . . it's "again". . . not "agian".
God I love being a bastard.


Please, let the games commence.

[1kookykat]

Well, with that in mind, let me fix this first line a bit.

And did you mean "showed 'em", Noel? Cause that's beautiful.


1. There's nothing quite like a shorn scrotum
2. They wanted some proof so I showed 'em

[moel]

Oops!...I sure did....haha...thanks...I am an idiot.

[ProfessionalGun]

Oh thank goodness. I was about to go in for a vocabulary lesson! And Noel. . . that IS quite wonderful.

1. There's nothing quite like a shorn scrotum
2. They wanted some proof so I showed 'em
3. I unzipped my fly

[moel]

No need for the lesson, I just need more attention. Ha, and not much rhymes with scrotum!

1. There's nothing quite like a shorn scrotum
2. They wanted some proof so I showed 'em
3. I unzipped my fly
4. Not at all shy

[ProfessionalGun]

1. There's nothing quite like a shorn scrotum
2. They wanted some proof so I showed 'em
3. I unzipped my fly
4. Not at all shy
5. But you shrink from cold air, you don't grow some!

[moel]

Cool

1. When I viewed the link I had showed

[ProfessionalGun]

1. When I viewed the link I had showed
2. I watched a quite wrong page load. . .

[moel]

1. When I viewed the link I had showed
2. I watched a quite wrong page load. . .
3. I laughed till I cried

[StarsFireFly]

1. When I viewed the link I had showed
2. I watched a quite wrong page load. . .
3. I laughed till I cried
4. The suddenly died

[nycwriters]

1. When I viewed the link I had showed
2. I watched quite a wrong page load. . .
3. I laughed till I cried
4. The suddenly died
5. It was then that my head did explode

Hey, he went 8,7, figured I could do 9 at the end. :D

[1kookykat]

1. Sometimes it's all you can do

[moel]

1. Sometimes it's all you can do
2. And sometimes you wont make it through

[lapietra]

1. Sometimes it's all you can do
2. And sometimes you wont make it through
3. But at least, you can try

[moel]

1. Sometimes it's all you can do
2. And sometimes you wont make it through
3. But at least, you can try
4. You may laugh, you may cry

[1kookykat]

1. Sometimes it's all you can do
2. And sometimes you wont make it through
3. But at least, you can try
4. You may laugh, you may cry
5. When you bite off more than you can chew

[moel]

1. Thank god I was wearing brown pants

[1kookykat]

1. Thank god I was wearing brown pants
2. When the Monkeys began to advance

[masterofNone]

1. Thank god I was wearing brown pants
2. When the Monkeys began to advance
3. I tried to be fit

[zenbabe]

1. Thank god I was wearing brown pants
2. When the Monkeys began to advance
3. I tried to be fit
4. The monkeys threw shit

[Deviate]

1. Thank god I was wearing brown pants
2. When the Monkeys began to advance
3. I tried to be fit
4. The monkeys threw shit
5. poo.

[moel]

Haha.... poo

1. ProfessionalGun seems gone

[Deviate]

1. ProfessionalGun seems gone
2. He did not stir to tell me I'm wrong

[masterofNone]

1. ProfessionalGun seems gone
2. He did not stir to tell me I'm wrong
3. He thought we were crude.

[AllegroNg]

1. ProfessionalGun seems gone
2. He did not stir to tell me I'm wrong
3. He smelled rather funny,

[masterofNone]

1. ProfessionalGun seems gone
2. He did not stir to tell me I'm wrong
3. He smelled rather funny,
4. He still owes me money

[moel]

1. ProfessionalGun seems gone
2. He did not stir to tell me I'm wrong
3. He thought we were crude.
4. And that we ruined the mood

[Deviate]

1. ProfessionalGun seems gone
2. He did not stir to tell me I'm wrong
3. He thought we were crude.
4. And ruined the mood
5. ProfessionalGun seems gone
6. He did not stir to tell me I'm wrong
7. He smelled rather funny,
8. He still owes me money
9. But, hey, we'd still like it if he came back to play with us and to share an extra large order of nachos.

[AllegroNg]

1. ProfessionalGun seems gone
2. He did not stir to tell me I'm wrong
3. He thought we were crude.
4. And ruined the mood
5. ProfessionalGun seems gone
6. He did not stir to tell me I'm wrong
7. He smelled rather funny,
8. He still owes me money
9. But, hey, we'd still like it if he came back to play with us and to share an extra large order of nachos.
10. Applesauce!

[masterofNone]

1. It's no wonder that nobody likes us.

[moel]

1. It's no wonder that nobody likes us.
2. We're always teasing and we cuss

[Deviate]

1. It's no wonder that nobody likes us.
2. We're always teasing and we cuss
3. But given some time

[masterofNone]

1. It's no wonder that nobody likes us.
2. We're always teasing and we cuss
3. But given some time
4. and corona with lime

[Deviate]

1. It's no wonder that nobody likes us.
2. We're always teasing and we cuss
3. But given some time
4. and corona with lime
5. You'll see we're quite worth the fuss.

[masterofNone]

1. There once was a whore from Calcutta

[Deviate]

1. There once was a whore from Calcutta
2. Who slept every night in a gutta

[AllegroNg]

1. There once was a whore from Calcutta
2. Who slept every night in a gutta
3. She didn't need pants

[moel]

1. There once was a whore from Calcutta
2. Who slept every night in a gutta
3. She didn't need pants
4. She had two implants

[masterofNone]

1. There once was a whore from Calcutta
2. Who slept every night in a gutta
3. She didn't need pants
4. She had two implants
5. I tell ya that bitch was like buttah

[nycwriters]

1. I kinda miss ProfessionalGun

[Deviate]

1. I kinda miss ProfessionalGun
2. The way he would bust all our buns

[zenbabe]

1. I kinda miss ProfessionalGun
2. The way he would bust all our buns
3. Oh the things he inspired

[AllegroNg]

1. I kinda miss ProfessionalGun
2. The way he would bust all our buns
3. Oh the things he inspired
4. Would make your insides perspire

[Deviate]

1. I kinda miss ProfessionalGun
2. The way he would bust all our buns
3. Oh the things he inspired
4. Would make your insides perspire
5. Oh wait, i'm thinking 'bout MoN

[zenbabe]

1. I wonder how many legs I can eat

[masterofNone]

1. I wonder how many legs I can eat
2. before the frogs beat a hasty retreat

[zenbabe]

1. I wonder how many legs I can eat
2. before the frogs beat a hasty retreat
3. I will dip them in butter

[masterofNone]

1. I wonder how many legs I can eat
2. before the frogs beat a hasty retreat
3. I will dip them in butter
4. first one, then the utter

[nycwriters]

1. I wonder how many legs I can eat
2. before the frogs beat a hasty retreat
3. I will dip them in butter
4. first one, then the utter
5. But what do I do with the feet?

[zenbabe]

1. The feet are hard to defeat

[nycwriters]

1. The feet are hard to defeat
2. It's often something I repeat

[zenbabe]

1. The feet are hard to defeat
2. It's often something I repeat
3. If you can't stand the gas

[moel]

1. The feet are hard to defeat
2. It's often something I repeat
3. If you can't stand the gas
4. Get away from your ass

[noxxville]

1. The feet are hard to defeat
2. It's often something I repeat
3. If you can't stand the gas
4. Get away from your ass
5. And prepare for a sudden treat

[moel]

1. I bet you think your sponge worthy

[masterofNone]

I think that's a sentence that needs an editor. If you mean "your" then you are asking if I feel my sponge is in some manner worthy for something. However if you meant "you're" then your question falls into the Sienfeldian premise of whether one is worthy of wasting a "Today" spermicidal birth control sponge.

It's important to know before proceeding.

[moel]

I completely understand MoN.
I was going for the Sienfeldian premise, as you put it. Yes I should have typed "you're". However now I think the "your" could be kind of interesting. Either way works for me. I'll leave it up to who ever posts next.

[dinzdale]

Are you saying it's not a reference to my sponge called "Worthy"?
I'm having a little difficulty....

[masterofNone]

now, see, there you'd need a comma preceeding worthy...

"your sponge, Worthy"

1. I bet you think your sponge, Worthy
2. is clean, but to me he smells earthy.

[moel]

Are you saying it's not a reference to my sponge called "Worthy"?

..lets make it about that.

edited to add: oh, good job MoN

[1kookykat]

1. I bet you think your sponge, Worthy
2. is clean, but to me he smells earthy
3. But my scrub brush named Scrubby

[Zyle]

1. I bet you think your sponge, Worthy
2. is clean, but to me he smells earthy
3. But my scrub brush named Scrubby
4. is even more grubby

[moel]

1. I bet you think your sponge, Worthy
2. is clean, but to me he smells earthy
3. But my scrub brush named Scrubby
4. is even more grubby
5. From cleaning, how they do deter thee.

Thats the last ****ing time I start a limerick.... just kidin.

[nycwriters]

1. Rub a dub, dub, three men in a tub

[1kookykat]

We all know where Peg's mind is.

[nycwriters]

Ha! Actually no.

Btw, what does your bug spell out when it's folded in half? Is that the "peace" bug?

[Deviate]

1. Rub a dub, dub, three men in a tub
2. Were getting off topic when having a scrub

[1kookykat]

Originally posted by nycwriters
Btw, what does your bug spell out when it's folded in half? Is that the "peace" bug?
It reads "Vision On"
It's from an experimental BBC children's TV program in the mid-60's/early-70's. It was bizarre and inventive.

1. Rub a dub, dub, three men in a tub
2. Were getting off topic when having a scrub
3. Good ol' BBC

[noxxville]

1. Rub a dub, dub, three men in a tub
2. Were getting off topic when having a scrub
3. Good ol' BBC
4. Streakers on TV

[nycwriters]

1. Rub a dub, dub, three men in a tub
2. Were getting off topic when having a scrub
3. Good ol' BBC
4. Streakers on TV
5. And then a good pint at the pub

----------

Yeah Kooky, I thought I recognized it. We used to make our own all the time as kids.

[moel]

1. Hints, allegations and other lies

[masterofNone]

1. Hints, allegations and other lies
2. betrayal of trust and family ties

[zenbabe]

1. Hints, allegations and other lies
2. betrayal of trust and family ties
3. Did you hear something?

[amanda]

1. Hints, allegations and other lies
2. betrayal of trust and family ties
3. Did you hear something?
4. no, I didn't hear a thing...

[masterofNone]

1. Hints, allegations and other lies
2. betrayal of trust and family ties
3. Did you hear something?
4. no, I didn't hear a thing...
5. but indignant epithets and sighs

[lapietra]

1. I love to spend time with you all

[zenbabe]

1. I love to spend time with you all
2. And on those late drunken nights I might call

[noxxville]

1. I love to spend time with you all
2. And on those late drunken nights I might call
3. But don't wait by the phone

[zenbabe]

1. I love to spend time with you all
2. And on those late drunken nights I might call
3. But don't wait by the phone
4. Because nobody's home

[moel]

1. I love to spend time with you all
2. And on those late drunken nights I might call
3. But don't wait by the phone
4. Because nobody's home
5. Gonna make tonight hard to recall

[dinzdale]

1. She once wore a pair of tall heels

[moel]

1. She once wore a pair of tall heels
2. And wanted a set of hot wheels

[AllegroNg]

1. She once wore a pair of tall heels
2. And wanted a set of hot wheels
3. When she waxed her lip

[zenbabe]

1. She once wore a pair of tall heels
2. And wanted a set of hot wheels
3. When she waxed her lip
4. She felt her skin rip

[AllegroNg]

1. She once wore a pair of tall heels
2. And wanted a set of hot wheels
3. When she waxed her lip
4. She felt her skin rip
5. She's much better when she kneals

[moel]

1. Moel, you need to shut the **** up.

[AllegroNg]

1. Moel, you need to shut the **** up.
2. Just relax and put your feet up
3. Thanks for the doozer!

[dickieC]

1. Moel, you need to shut the **** up.
2. Just relax and put your feet up
3. Thanks for the doozer!
4. Let's head for the boozer

[Panda]

1. Moel, you need to shut the **** up.
2. Just relax and put your feet up
3. Thanks for the doozer!
4. Let's head for the boozer
5. Where we'll find some girls to pick up!


1. There once was a guy called Double-D,

[lapietra]

1. There once was a guy called Double-D,
2. Who had an addiction to potpourri.

[nycwriters]

1. There once was a guy called Double-D,
2. Who had an addiction to potpourri.
3. He'd munch on dried flowers

[lapietra]

1. There once was a guy called Double-D,
2. Who had an addiction to potpourri.
3. He'd munch on dried flowers
4. Then pass out for hours

[nycwriters]

1. There once was a guy called Double-D,
2. Who had an addiction to potpourri.
3. He'd munch on dried flowers
4. Then pass out for hours
5. We're talking about Noxx, aren't we? :D

[noxxville]

1. Peg's room was filled with men

[nycwriters]

1. Peg's room was filled with men
2. Painting and plastering her den

[moel]

1. Peg's room was filled with men
2. Painting and plastering her den
3. But unbeknownst to them

[Panda]

1. Peg's room was filled with men
2. Painting and plastering her den
3. But unbeknownst to them
4. Her life was filled with sin,

[dinzdale]

1. Peg's room was filled with men
2. Painting and plastering her den
3. But unbeknownst to them
4. Her life was filled with sin,
5. Had they known, she would now be their friend.

[Sri Rama]

1. My hard drive is full

[Panda]

1. My hard drive is full
2. And so is my head,

[noxxville]

1. My hard drive is full
2. And so is my head,
3. Why bother rhyming?

[Deviate]

1. My hard drive is full
2. And so is my head,
3. Why bother rhyming?
4. Seems so dull and boring to always follow the rigid template that life, not to mention society, has etched out for people, who have, i'd like to point, the incredible ability to think freely although many of them choose not to do it and would rather have a bunch of loud-mouthed wankers spout out a bunch of rules for them to follow, rules that can be, quite honestly, wonderfully proposterous and absurd, but would never be questioned by the cattle-minded people that roam these pastures that make up the whole of the world, none of whom, however, seem to be contributing to this, beautifully thought-out limerick.

[1kookykat]

1. My hard drive is full
2. And so is my head,
3. Why bother rhyming?
4. Seems so dull and boring to always follow the rigid template that life, not to mention society, has etched out for people, who have, i'd like to point, the incredible ability to think freely although many of them choose not to do it and would rather have a bunch of loud-mouthed wankers spout out a bunch of rules for them to follow, rules that can be, quite honestly, wonderfully proposterous and absurd, but would never be questioned by the cattle-minded people that roam these pastures that make up the whole of the world, none of whom, however, seem to be contributing to this, beautifully thought-out limerick.
4,697b. This "free-thinking" limerick is truly a thing of beauty. It puts the conventional limerick to shame. Wouldn't it be great if all limericks had No Rules like this one? Those pinheads who find beauty in FORM; rhyme, metre, balance, depth of content, economy of words, ingenuity within the limits of a structure. Huh! How narrow-minded. We're going to change the way people think about limericks, by God! From now on we declare that limericks can have metre ...or NOT! Rhyme . . .or NOT! Structure . . .or NOT! We don't even have to call them limericks anymore. We can refer to them as DOORKNOBS if we want to. Or FLOUNDERS. How about NOOGIES! We'll write the best damn CARBURETORS anyone's ever seen!

[lapietra]

1. There once was a chick from Los Feliz

[1kookykat]

1. There once was a chick from Los Feliz
2. Who had one too many tequilas

[Deviate]

1. There once was a chick from Los Feliz
2. Who had one too many tequilas
3. And she was drunk.

[noxxville]

1. There once was a chick from Los Feliz
2. Who had one too many tequilas
3. And she was drunk.
4. And passed out on my bunk

[Deviate]

1. There once was a chick from Los Feliz
2. Who had one too many tequilas
3. And she was drunk.
4. And passed out on my bunk
5. Damn whore.

[moel]

1. Flibbertigibbets on phones

[lapietra]

1. Flibbertigibbets on phones
2. Painting nails, making plans, eating scones

[noxxville]

1. Flibbertigibbets on phones
2. Painting nails, making plans, eating scones
3. Would you like an apple pie?

[AllegroNg]

1. Flibbertigibbets on phones
2. Painting nails, making plans, eating scones
3. Would you like an apple pie?
4. It will go straight to my thigh!!

[masterofNone]

1. Flibbertigibbets on phones
2. Painting nails, making plans, eating scones
3. Would you like an apple pie?
4. It will go straight to my thigh!!
5. I must diet till I'm skin and bones

[lapietra]

1. I need to buy office supplies

[noxxville]

1. I need to buy office supplies
2. So I can properly wrap my thighs

[1kookykat]

1. I need to buy office supplies
2. So I can properly wrap my thighs
3. Beware! They attack!

[moel]

1. I need to buy office supplies
2. So I can properly wrap my thighs
3. Beware! They attack!
4. So prepare to fight back

[noxxville]

1. I need to buy office supplies
2. So I can properly wrap my thighs
3. Beware! They attack!
4. So prepare to fight back
5. They're really leprechauns in disguise!

[moel]

1. I tore my mind on a jagged sky

[nycwriters]

1. I tore my mind on a jagged sky
2. Carved deep within soliliquoy

[zenbabe]

1. I tore my mind on a jagged sky
2. Carved deep within soliliquoy
3. I will toy with my mind

[lapietra]

1. I tore my mind on a jagged sky
2. Carved deep within soliliquoy
3. I will toy with my mind
4. I am no longer blind

[moel]

1. I tore my mind on a jagged sky
2. Carved deep within soliliquoy
3. I will toy with my mind
4. I am no longer blind
5. Because i wasnt really that high.

[Panda]

1. I was born on a sunday,

[dinzdale]

1. I was born on a sunday
2. nine months after Dad's last fun day

[noxxville]

1. I was born on a sunday
2. nine months after Dad's last fun day
3. He'd been buying a lot of lotion

[dinzdale]

1. I was born on a sunday
2. nine months after Dad's last fun day
3. He'd been buying a lot of lotion
4. And practicing his motion

[Sri Rama]

1. I was born on a sunday
2. nine months after Dad's last fun day
3. He'd been buying a lot of lotion
4. And practicing his motion
5. Then with Mom he did "roll in the hay"!

[zenbabe]

1. So I went to go get an abortion

[masterofNone]

1. So I went to go get an abortion
2. When who should I meet but Frank Gorshen

[cosmo949]

1. So I went to go get an abortion
2. When who should I meet but Frank Gorshen
3. Gosh, I thought he was dead!

[noxxville]

1. So I went to go get an abortion
2. When who should I meet but Frank Gorshen
3. Gosh, I thought he was dead!
4. How could he live without his head?

[moel]

1. So I went to go get an abortion
2. When who should I meet but Frank Gorshen
3. Gosh, I thought he was dead!
4. How could he live without his head?
5. Its the law of constant proportion.

[Sri Rama]

1. While visiting friends on St. Patrick's Day

[moel]

1. While visiting friends on St. Patrick's Day
2. To the pub, we headed that-a-way

[noxxville]

1. While visiting friends on St. Patrick's Day
2. To the pub, we headed that-a-way
3. We drank and we drunk

[moel]

1. While visiting friends on St. Patrick's Day
2. To the pub, we headed that-a-way
3. We drank and we drunk
4. And our troubles were shrunk

[Panda]

1. While visiting friends on St. Patrick's Day
2. To the pub, we headed that-a-way
3. We drank and we drunk
4. And our troubles were shrunk
5. We were both a bit irish that day

[lapietra]

1. I'm watching too much CNN

[moel]

1. I'm watching too much CNN
2. I switch it back again and again

[Deviate]

1. I'm watching too much CNN
2. I switch it back again and again
3. it can't be denied

[lapietra]

1. I'm watching too much CNN
2. I switch it back again and again
3. it can't be denied
4. My brain is now fried

[Deviate]

1. I'm watching too much CNN
2. I switch it back again and again
3. it can't be denied
4. My brain is now fried
5. time to stab my eyes out with a pen

[nycwriters]

1. Whenever I journey to France

[Deviate]

1. Whenever I journey to France
2. I'm ticked by their native dance

[lapietra]

1. Whenever I journey to France
2. I'm ticked by their native dance
3. La rond, la bourrée

[Deviate]

1. Whenever I journey to France
2. I'm ticked by their native dance
3. La rond, la bourrée
4. they are so fancé

[AllegroNg]

1. Whenever I journey to France
2. I'm ticked by their native dance
3. La rond, la bourrée
4. they are so fancé
5. And I am wearing no pants.

[moel]

1. If pants were forever banned

[Deviate]

1. If pants were forever banned
2. Our legs would get mighty tanned

[lapietra]

1. If pants were forever banned
2. Our legs would get mighty tanned
3. And we'd stop being prudes

[zenbabe]

1. If pants were forever banned
2. Our legs would get mighty tanned
3. And we'd stop being prudes
4. And take plenty of ludes

[Deviate]

1. If pants were forever banned
2. Our legs would get mighty tanned
3. And we'd stop being prudes
4. And take plenty of ludes
5. And perform sexual acts on command.

[lapietra]

1. There's just nothing better than pizza

[moel]

1. There's just nothing better than pizza
2. And the delivery guy that greets ya.

[titanicaxx]

1. I see you've a restraining order
2. Still I risk overstepping the border
3. since the border is wet

[Deviate]

1. There's just nothing better than pizza
2. And the delivery guy that greets ya.
3. He looks really hot

[lapietra]

1. There's just nothing better than pizza
2. And the delivery guy that greets ya.
3. He looks really hot
4. With the pizza I bought

[moel]

1. There's just nothing better than pizza
2. And the delivery guy that greets ya.
3. He looks really hot
4. With the pizza I bought
5. And pepperoni everyone eats raw

[beckstra]

1. The black and white in my pocket

[noxxville]

1. The black and white in my pocket
2. Is just like Tubbs and Crockett

[lapietra]

1. The black and white in my pocket
2. Is just like Tubbs and Crockett
3. So much freakin' style

[moel]

1. The black and white in my pocket
2. Is just like Tubbs and Crockett
3. So much freakin' style
4. Don't dare change that dial

[noxxville]

1. The black and white in my pocket
2. Is just like Tubbs and Crockett
3. So much freakin' style
4. Don't dare change that dial
5. While they're playing Herbie Hancock's "Rockit"

[nycwriters]

1. The Magic 8-ball says "it is most certain"

[Panda]

1. The Magic 8-ball says "it is most certain"
2. That you're gonna keep on flirtin!,