Guilt-Free Communal Limericks

[ambo]

WHAT? Another limerick thread? Oh well, how can one more hurt?

These will be your garden variety limericks.
One line per post.

Have a perfect line? Feel free. Not so perfect? Oh, go ahead.
Edited to add: It is understood that everyone here is trying to write limericks that rhyme and have the correct meter. We may not always get it exactly right, but at least we can try, and have a bit of fun. This doesn't mean that we try to write the worst limerick lines possible - for that perhaps someone would like to create a Bad Limericks thread :D

Posts in this thread are not eligible for open critique.
Edited to add: By this I mean that it should be assumed that not all writers here feel comfortable having their contributions publicly criticized. You can of course always offer your constructive criticsm using the PM function.

[ambo]

My panda has eaten my sweater

[Avalon]

My panda has eaten my sweater
*MUAH*
:)

[Coffee]

My panda has eaten my sweater
the one with the big orange letter

[Zatoichi]

My panda has eaten my sweater
the one with the big orange letter
And now there are big orange fuzzies in her poop

[Avalon]

My panda has eaten my sweater
the one with the big orange letter
And now there are big orange fuzzies in her poop
Some so big they won't fit in the scoop

[ambo]

My panda has eaten my sweater
the one with the big orange letter
And now there are big orange fuzzies in her poop
Some so big they won't fit in the scoop
But I don't think she's ever smelled better

[Coffee]

I need a new low interest card

[Zatoichi]

I need a new low interest card
The kind that they advertise with Vikings pillaging.

[ambo]

I need a new low interest card
So I can buy a ton of lard

[Coffee]

I need a new low interest card
So I can buy a ton of lard
a new tennis racket

[ambo]

I need a new low interest card
So I can buy a ton of lard
a new tennis racket
a woolen jacket

[Coffee]

I need a new low interest card
So I can buy a ton of lard
a new tennis racket
a woolen jacket:
It's my list! Don't call me "retard".

[Marcus Bales]

I need a new low interest card
The kind that they advertise with Vikings pillaging.
They'll ask me what's in MY wallet

[ambo]

This isn't going to be a war

[Marcus Bales]

I need a new low interest card
The kind that they advertise with Vikings pillaging.
They'll ask me what's in MY wallet
"This isn't going to be a war,"
I'll say, and they'll reply "Nope, it's just a limerick."

[Avalon]

Someone here is a very poor sport

[Zatoichi]

Hmph. And it was sporting to ignore my line?

[topcat]

and i always thought mon was the biggest pompous ass on this board. silly me

[Avalon]

I am of the mind that Ambo doesn't care about correct syllables, but rhyming seems to be the way to go as all of the rules were not tossed in the crapper. Bales is just being a spoiled brat..what is your reason to pout?

[ambo]

Hmph. And it was sporting to ignore my line?

You came here deliberately to ruin the limericks in this thread. You did it in such an obvious way that to feign insult now is laughable.

You have FOUR limerick threads in which to write PERFECT limericks with your buddy, Marcus. Isn't that enough for you?

I created this thread so that people could write limericks without fear of humiliation for less than perfect lines. Why does this bother you so much that you feel the need to stalk this thread with the sole intent of ruining everyone else's fun?

[ambo]

I am of the mind that Ambo doesn't care about correct syllables, but rhyming seems to be the way to go as all of the rules were not tossed in the crapper. Bales is just being a spoiled brat..what is your reason to pout?
Well, I'm not sure I was thinking about the rules that exactly. I just wanted us to have fun and not pick on each other. I apologize for not being clearer. I have amended the thread rules to be more specific. Hope this helps.

[funkytuba]

I have bought an azure pair of sneakers

[Coffee]

By TopCat
and i always thought mon was the biggest pompous ass on this board. silly me

No shit...

What is it with some "literary artists", especially amateur/hobbiest ones, that they turn into pompous, arrogant, selfish, mean spirited arseholes after a year or so on this board?


I think we need a visual and graphic arts section so Me and Audrey can experiment with turning into a total ****tards.:p

Cuz right now I can't think of any good reason I would want to pick on someone who can only draw stick figures. Perhaps if we had a section to post "real art" in I might come to hate and resent stick figure drawers and I might find myself compelled to humiliate them simply because they "aren't as good as me" at drawing stuff.

Naaaaa...my parents raised me to not be an asshole to other people unless they treat me or my friends poorly.
They also raised me to be grateful for my gifts, to share them when possible, and to not hold myself higher than other people...other people who actually have their own gifts, even if they are not the same as my gifts.

^^^Is that a difficult concept to grasp for a "writer"?

[Coffee]

I have bought an azure pair of sneakers
for better footing on the teak, Sirs

[funkytuba]

I have bought an azure pair of sneakers
for better footing on the teak, Sirs
but my deck's really slick

[Coffee]

I have bought an azure pair of sneakers
for better footing on the teak, Sirs
but my deck's really slick
cuz a seagull got sick

[Marcus Bales]

You came here deliberately to ruin the limericks in this thread. You did it in such an obvious way that to feign insult now is laughable.

Your position has been that you CAN'T "ruin the limericks" by doing goofy crappy lines instead of paying attention to what makes a limerick a limerick. So it is entirely within the spirit of your own rules that whenever anyone doesn't want to bother to do any work in order to "have fun" on this board, they can come to your "limerick" thread and post any sort of garbage and call it a limerick line.

You don't like it that people come to your "limerick" thread and "ruin" your limericks? What kind of wah-wah-wah hypocrisy is THAT? You're now taking exactly the same position I took, and pretending that it's right for you but not right for me?

If you can't do it, then have a sense of humor about being criticized when you can't do it. Learn from those more proficient than you. Start enjoying the real point of the limerick form, which is that it's HARD and defeating the difficulties is part of the fun.

But if you start a whole thread to write bad limerick lines you can hardly take the position that writing bad limerick lines is not welcome! Bad limerick lines is the POINT of your thread. Well, then, we'll help you write bad lines.

Cheers! And thanks for a good laugh at your expense.

[Avalon]

Cheers! And thanks for a good laugh at your expense.

Oh SNAP :rolleyes:

You have gone out of your way to prove you are an ass.

[ambo]

Your position has been that you CAN'T "ruin the limericks" by doing goofy crappy lines instead of paying attention to what makes a limerick a limerick. So it is entirely within the spirit of your own rules that whenever anyone doesn't want to bother to do any work in order to "have fun" on this board, they can come to your "limerick" thread and post any sort of garbage and call it a limerick line.

You don't like it that people come to your "limerick" thread and "ruin" your limericks? What kind of wah-wah-wah hypocrisy is THAT? You're now taking exactly the same position I took, and pretending that it's right for you but not right for me?

If you can't do it, then have a sense of humor about being criticized when you can't do it. Learn from those more proficient than you. Start enjoying the real point of the limerick form, which is that it's HARD and defeating the difficulties is part of the fun.

But if you start a whole thread to write bad limerick lines you can hardly take the position that writing bad limerick lines is not welcome! Bad limerick lines is the POINT of your thread. Well, then, we'll help you write bad lines.

Cheers! And thanks for a good laugh at your expense.

There is no sense in explaining to you, Marcus, why what you are doing here and what I was doing in the other threads is DIFFERENT. You will NEVER understand my point of view because you can only hear yourself talk. How boring your life must be.

I have edited my thread rules. They state plainly that this is NOT a thread for writing bad limerick lines. So sorry you totally misunderstood the point of this thread. Better luck in your next life.

[ambo]

I have bought an azure pair of sneakers
for better footing on the teak, Sirs
but my deck's really slick
cuz a seagull got sick
No doubt from the sight of those streakers

[Audreyvgs]

I remember what Madelaine said
when suddenly took to her bed
He offered her prayer,
she looked up and glared
No, i think you should drop dead

[ambo]

If the last of the ice cream is eaten

[LeahDear]

If the last of the ice cream is eaten
And the hunger isn't yet beaten

[Audreyvgs]

If the last of the ice cream is eaten
And the hunger isn't yet beaten
just look in the fridge
and have just a smidge

[LeahDear]

If the last of the ice cream is eaten
And the hunger isn't yet beaten
just look in the fridge
and have just a smidge
of some cabbage you may need to sweeten

[funkytuba]

She played a pert tune on her piccolo

[ambo]

She played a pert tune on her piccolo
While Belle danced with Trevor, the gigolo

[Zatoichi]

The making of rules, when capricious,
Spawns irony, sometimes delicious.
My rule is "none"
Is funny when one
Treats it as though meritricious.

[funkytuba]

She played a pert tune on her piccolo
While Belle danced with Trevor, the gigolo
They shimmied and twirled

[House,M.D.]

The making of rules, when capricious,
Spawns irony, sometimes delicious.
My rule is "none"
Is funny when one
Treats it as though meritricious.

Idiots are fun; no wonder every villiage wants one.

[ambo]

She played a pert tune on her piccolo
While Belle danced with Trevor, the gigolo
They shimmied and twirled
Fingers snapping, toes curled

[funkytuba]

She played a pert tune on her piccolo
While Belle danced with Trevor, the gigolo
They shimmied and twirled
Fingers snapping, toes curled,
And their asses were witnessed to wiggleo

[Audreyvgs]

Mac and Cheese, jello and Coke

[ambo]

Mac and Cheese, jello and Coke
This is my breakfast - no joke

[Coffee]

Mac and Cheese, jello and Coke
This is my breakfast - no joke
and dinner, and lunch

[LeahDear]

Mac and Cheese, jello and Coke
This is my breakfast - no joke
and dinner, and lunch
and occasionally brunch
and after? A much needed smoke

[Marcus Bales]

I have edited my thread rules. They state plainly that this is NOT a thread for writing bad limerick lines.

Have a perfect line? Feel free. Not so perfect? Oh, go ahead.
Edited to add: It is understood that everyone here is trying to write limericks that rhyme and have the correct meter. We may not always get it exactly right, but at least we can try, and have a bit of fun. This doesn't mean that we try to write the worst limerick lines possible - for that perhaps someone would like to create a Bad Limericks thread :D

Posts in this thread are not eligible for open critique.
Edited to add: By this I mean that it should be assumed that not all writers here feel comfortable having their contributions publicly criticized. You can of course always offer your constructive criticsm using the PM function.

Now you're trying to say that you DON'T want people to write bad lines, even though you started this thread specifically as a place for you and others to write bad lines. That makes your position is the same as mine, Ambo: now you're saying that there ARE good and bad limerick lines, that we can tell the difference, and that people ought to try to write good limerick lines. So what was all that blustering and posturing on your part in those other threads, eh?

Second, your position has been that you don't have to follow any of the rules of limericks on the limerick threads if you don't want to -- that you're entitled to "have fun" your way even though that means, by writing your crappy lines, you're ruining others' fun. Thus, you've already demonstrated that the rules don't apply to people who just want to "have fun" in their own way, because YOU have been writing crappy lines in the good limericks threads in order to "have fun" your own way. You can't reasonably object to people coming into this thread and writing bad lines if that's the way they "have fun", since you've done EXACTLY the same thing in other threads. Plus, of course, you've actually invited and allowed people to write bad lines.

You're on both sides of the same issue at the same time: you say you want good limerick lines, but you say you invite and allow bad ones, too. But if you allow bad ones, then you can't complain if people actually WRITE bad ones. If you complain when people write bad ones, if you change the rules to try to keep them from writing bad ones, then you're trying to enforce the writing of good limerick lines. You can't reasonably have it both ways.

So you are in no position to complain if people write bad limerick lines in your "guilt-free" thread for two reasons: first, because you've explicitly invited and allowed them to do so, and, second, because you've explicitly stated that you are allowed to "have fun" in your own way on other threads even if that way is objectionable to other people.

[House,M.D.]

Let me guess Mr. Bales, mother didn't hug you as a child and you weren't breast fed.

[Audreyvgs]

Gawd, MB! Take it outta here and put it in the debate thread!!! Don't put it in mine either!





There once was a poster named House
whos personality wasn't of mouse

[Zatoichi]

There once was a poster named House
Whose personality wasn't of mouse
Nor was his brain
For rodents attain
A sense of what fair play allows.

[LeahDear]

Let me guess Mr. Bales, mother didn't hug you as a child and you weren't breast fed.

ouch....

I made a very similar comment to somebody once...

Me: Didn't your mother give you enough love as a child?

Him: I was adopted

Me: Oh... sorry

*tumbleweed skitters across the floor and death bells toll*

[Avalon]

One line per post

What is it with you and Bales? You need to be on the go it alone, all by yourself, no one else can write there, thread. :rolleyes:

[Zatoichi]

I can't speak for Bales. He has explained his views at length, anyway.

I try to go more for the object lesson than the explication, meaning in this case that my earlier lines tampering with "limericks" in this thread were of course a way of commenting on this thread. Then I critiqued the impulse for this thread in limerick form. This critique brought forth the maiden post of Dr. House, who called me an idiot. As of this writing, Dr. House's entire contribution to the board consists of calling me an idiot, and wondering whether Bales was breast fed.

And now I'm breaking form, that is, breaking my own set of rules for internet play, and explaining what I'm doing rather than just doing it.

Among the ever-changing set of rules for this thread is "one line per post"? Who gives a rat's patoot about that one when nobody minds that an anonymous sniper has muddied the thread with nothing but personal insults? I have at least responded in limerick form.

(For the record, I'm done with tampering with the "limericks" in this thread. I had to do it twice before some people figured out what I was doing. Now that you get it, that's done.)

[Audreyvgs]

Let me explain myself ad nauseum
in this rule bound auditorium
i'll break them all
and then will call
your attn to my disregardofem

[LeahDear]

^^^ bravo :D

[Audreyvgs]

crap, i didnt see the one line per post hahahahahahah

im going back to my thread now. hahahahah

[ambo]

It's sweet whan you can't see the crap :)

[Audreyvgs]

It's sweet when you can't see the crap
you step around, rather than snap

[ambo]

It's sweet when you can't see the crap
you step around, rather than snap
Life's peaceful again

[Audreyvgs]

It's sweet when you can't see the crap
you step around, rather than snap
Life's peaceful again
you write some and then

[jasmina]

It's sweet when you can't see the crap
you step around, rather than snap
Life's peaceful again
you write some and then
Someone tells you to 'please, mind the gap'

[jasmina]

There once was a guy called Hosea,

[ambo]

There once was a guy called Hosea,
Who got his gold hair from Medea

[catbelly]

There once was a guy called Hosea,
Who got his gold hair from Medea
He'd attached it with glue

[jasmina]

There once was a guy called Hosea,
Who got his gold hair from Medea
He'd attached it with glue
and before his friends knew,

[LeahDear]

There once was a guy called Hosea,
Who got his gold hair from Medea
He'd attached it with glue
and before his friends knew,
it had faded and turned rather grey

[Marcus Bales]

This valley, a long time ago,

[Avalon]

There once was man with a beard

[Audreyvgs]

There once was man with a beard
cause under, were things to be feared

[Gilly]

There once was a man with a beard
cause under, were things to be feared
It held lots of crumbs

[Zatoichi]

This valley, a long time ago,
Was glacial and ridden with snow

[Gilly]

This valley, a long time ago,
Was glacial and ridden with snow
I slipped on my skiis

[Avalon]

There once was a man with a beard
cause under, were things to be feared
It held lots of crumbs
and pits from some plums

[Gilly]

There once was a man with a beard
cause under, were things to be feared
It held lots of crumbs
and pits from some plums
Along with evil lips that sneared

[ambo]

This valley, a long time ago,
Was glacial and ridden with snow
I slipped on my skiis
Ended up on my knees

[Audreyvgs]

This valley, a long time ago,
Was glacial and ridden with snow
I slipped on my skiis
Ended up on my knees
and prayed all the way down, dontcha know

[Jack Flanders]

This valley, a long time ago,
Was glacial and ridden with snow
I slipped on my skiis
Ended up on my knees
and prayed all the way down, dontcha know

Amen,sister, been there (Snowmass) and did that!!!

[Audreyvgs]

I did the same thing at Arapahoe but on my stomach. with half a ski i had to walk down and find when i finally freakin stopped!

[Jack Flanders]

Ouch!

[Audreyvgs]

Oh, it didnt hurt anything but my ego, flyin out of the bowls like some sort of goldfish outta water..



Ahem.



My cat just came home with a mouse

[ambo]

My cat just came home with a mouse
Who immediately ate my best blouse

[cateraction]

My cat just came home with a mouse
Who immediately ate my best blouse
So took out my broom

[zenbabe]

My cat just came home with a mouse
Who immediately ate my best blouse
So took out my broom
Made a vest with my loom

[Marcus Bales]

My cat just came home with a mouse
Who immediately ate my best blouse
So took out my broom
Made a vest with my loom
And married my second-best spouse.

[Marcus Bales]

A termite walked in and knocked wood

[ambo]

My cat just came home with a mouse
Who immediately ate my best blouse
So took out my broom
Made a vest with my loom
And spent the whole day in the house

[Avalon]

I've just learned the meaning of life

[Audreyvgs]

I've just learned the meaning of life
and its not about stress nor of strife

[ambo]

I've just learned the meaning of life
and its not about stress nor of strife
It's as simple as this

[Marcus Bales]

I've just learned the meaning of life
and its not about stress nor of strife
It's as simple as this:
You'll never find bliss

[12"razormix]

I've just learned the meaning of life
and its not about stress nor of strife
It's as simple as this:
You'll never find bliss
defining the world in line five

[Audreyvgs]

^^^ ooooo nice!


I had an imaginary friend

[12"razormix]

I had an imaginary friend
who taught me to twist and to bend

[ambo]

I had an imaginary friend
who taught me to twist and to bend
like the birch in the yard

[Coffee]

I had an imaginary friend
who taught me to twist and to bend
like the birch in the yard
when winds howl hard

[ambo]

I had an imaginary friend
who taught me to twist and to bend
like the birch in the yard
when winds howl hard
and fence slats are laid end to end

[Coffee]

The barometer started to drop

[ambo]

The barometer started to drop
Which was very good news for the crop

[Audreyvgs]

The barometer started to drop
Which was very good news for the crop
The clouds rolled in

[ambo]

The barometer started to drop
Which was very good news for the crop
The clouds rolled in
Where the sunshine had been

[Coffee]

The barometer started to drop
Which was very good news for the crop
The clouds rolled in
Where the sunshine had been
After harvest we Might get to shop.

[Coffee]

I need some time in the tropics

[ambo]

I need some time in the tropics
To read my new book on catoptrics

[Coffee]

I need some time in the tropics
To read my new book on catoptrics.
A mirror smooth sea

[ambo]

I need some time in the tropics
To read my new book on catoptrics.
A mirror smooth sea
A cool drink, a palm tree

[Audreyvgs]

I need some time in the tropics
To read my new book on catoptrics.
A mirror smooth sea
A cool drink, a palm tree
sunglasses reflecting on optics

[Coffee]

I find I prefer the obscure

[Audreyvgs]

I find I prefer the obscure
my obfuscation is a lure

[zenbabe]

I find I prefer the obscure
my obfuscation is a lure
So I won't hesitate

[ambo]

I find I prefer the obscure
my obfuscation is a lure
So I won't hesitate
not to set things straight

[Coffee]

I find I prefer the obscure
my obfuscation is a lure
So I won't hesitate
not to set things straight
as the straight and the clear I demur.

[Coffee]

Pitter splat splatter starts the rain

[ambo]

Pitter splat splatter starts the rain
Falling mainly on the plain in Spain

[Audreyvgs]

Pitter splat splatter starts the rain
Falling mainly on the plain in Spain
but over in France

[Jack Flanders]

Pitter splat splatter starts the rain
Falling mainly on the plain in Spain
but over in France
I knew at a glance

[ambo]

Pitter splat splatter starts the rain
Falling mainly on the plain in Spain
but over in France
I knew at a glance
We'd be wearing our sun shades again

[Hyakujo's Fox]

In France when I tried a baguette
I swallowed it whole for a bet

[Coffee]

In France when I tried a baguette
I swallowed it whole for a bet
It stuck in my throat

[ambo]

In France when I tried a baguette
I swallowed it whole for a bet
It stuck in my throat
Then I fell in a moat

[Coffee]

In France when I tried a baguette
I swallowed it whole for a bet
It stuck in my throat
Then I fell in a moat
and passed it down once it got wet.

[ambo]

Yellow teeth and a cigar

[12"razormix]

Yellow teeth and a cigar
are distinctive signs of a star

[dddrum]

Yellow teeth and a cigar
are distinctive signs of a star
with bushy eyebrows

[ambo]

Yellow teeth and a cigar
are distinctive signs of a star
with bushy eyebrows
and haughty "not now"s

[Audreyvgs]

Yellow teeth and a cigar
are distinctive signs of a star
with bushy eyebrows
and haughty "not now"s
he's the narcissistic star of the bar

[ambo]

She wiggled her ears as I spoke

[Hyakujo's Fox]

She wiggled her ears as I spoke
I thought it was some kind of joke

[LeahDear]

She wiggled her ears as I spoke
I thought it was some kind of joke
Her talent for gurning

[Audreyvgs]

She wiggled her ears as I spoke
I thought it was some kind of joke
Her talent for gurning
set my heart yearning

[LeahDear]

She wiggled her ears as I spoke
I thought it was some kind of joke
Her talent for gurning
set my heart yearning
how I love those circus show folk!

[ambo]

Can't seem to get going today

[Coffee]

Can't seem to get going today
I'm dragging ass and want to stay

[ambo]

Can't seem to get going today
I'm dragging ass and want to stay
In bed with my cat

[Audreyvgs]

Can't seem to get going today
I'm dragging ass and want to stay
In bed with my cat,
four dogs and a rat

[Marcus Bales]

Can't seem to get going today
I'm dragging ass and want to stay
In bed with my cat,
four dogs and a rat
With breakfast brought in on a tray.

[ambo]

The fire was all warm and toasty

[Audreyvgs]

The fire was all warm and toasty
and my marshmallows all brown and roasty

[ambo]

The fire was all warm and toasty
and my marshmallows all brown and roasty
So let the rain pour

[Hyakujo's Fox]

The fire was all warm and toasty
and my marshmallows all brown and roasty
So let the rain pour
And the big thunder roar

[ambo]

The fire was all warm and toasty
and my marshmallows all brown and roasty
So let the rain pour
And the big thunder roar
It's autumn on the left coasty

*okay, so sue me*

[Audreyvgs]

Ok, so sue me, she said

[wondahboy]

Okay, so sue me, she said
Down on the ground as she bled

[Audreyvgs]

Okay, so sue me, she said
Down on the ground as she bled
you got me back good
she said as she stood
this wedding is done with, dear Fred.

[dddrum]

Y'picked a fine time to leave me, Lucille

[ambo]

Y'picked a fine time to leave me, Lucille
I'm begging just like a trained seal

[dddrum]

Y'picked a fine time to leave me, Lucille
I'm begging just like a trained seal
Please throw me a mackerel

[ambo]

Y'picked a fine time to leave me, Lucille
I'm begging just like a trained seal
Please throw me a mackerel
Or a nice plump pickerel

[Hyakujo's Fox]

Y'picked a fine time to leave me, Lucille
I'm begging just like a trained seal
Please throw me a mackerel
Or a nice plump pickerel
I'm hungry and you ain't left a meal

[Audreyvgs]

Seventeen sailors and Fred

[12"razormix]

Seventeen sailors and Fred
blissfully slept in my bed

[ambo]

Seventeen sailors and Fred
blissfully slept in my bed
They snored just like thunder

[Coffee]

Seventeen sailors and Fred
blissfully slept in my bed
They snored just like thunder
while I was trapped under

[12"razormix]

Seventeen sailors and Fred
blissfully slept in my bed
They snored just like thunder
while I was trapped under
and left strange marks on me head

[harrier]

This is my first day at this job

[Audreyvgs]

This is my first day at this job
and I'm looking thru purses to rob

[Coffee]

This is my first day at this job
and I'm looking thru purses to rob
Coat checking's a bore

[ambo]

This is my first day at this job
and I'm looking thru purses to rob
Coat checking's a bore
So I'm down on the floor

[Hyakujo's Fox]

This is my first day at this job
and I'm looking thru purses to rob
Coat checking's a bore
So I'm down on the floor
Churning butter for some corn on the cob


(hey it's guilt free people!)

[ambo]

This is my first day at this job
and I'm looking thru purses to rob
Coat checking's a bore
So I'm down on the floor
Churning butter for some corn on the cob


(hey it's guilt free people!)

Sounds great to me, hfox!

[ambo]

The pistol was loaded and aimed

[TulsaGuy]

The pistol was loaded and aimed
But the shrew had already been tamed.

[ambo]

The pistol was loaded and aimed
But the shrew had already been tamed
So the barrel was spent

[Hyakujo's Fox]

The pistol was loaded and aimed
But the shrew had already been tamed
So the barrel was spent
And the bullet was bent
Disproving that Oswald was framed

[ambo]

Here we have seven eggs for some batter

[Coffee]

Here we have seven eggs for some batter
though the number of eggs doesn't matter

[ambo]

Here we have seven eggs for some batter
though the number of eggs doesn't matter
Just beat them till stiff

[Hyakujo's Fox]

Here we have seven eggs for some batter
though the number of eggs doesn't matter
Just beat them till stiff
And don't worry if

[daverbee]

Here we have seven eggs for some batter
though the number of eggs doesn't matter
Just beat them till stiff
And don't worry if
That many eggs makes you fatter.

[ambo]

If the gingerbread comes out too crisp

[Coffee]

If the gingerbread comes out too crisp
don't stand there and rant with that lisp

[zenbabe]

If the gingerbread comes out too crisp
don't stand there and rant with that lisp
Just float them in water

[Coffee]

If the gingerbread comes out too crisp
don't stand there and rant with that lisp
Just float them in water
then dry on a blotter

[daverbee]

If the gingerbread comes out too crisp
don't stand there and rant with that lisp
Just float them in water
then dry on a blotter
They'll be soft as a Will O' The Wisp!

[Coffee]

But if coffee is brewed to weak,

[ArtyEm]

But if coffee is brewed too weak,
get some pepper and give it a tweak

[ambo]

But if coffee is brewed too weak,
get some pepper and give it a tweak
Leave out the cream

[Jack Flanders]

But if coffee is brewed too weak,
get some pepper and give it a tweak
Leave out the cream
and wait for the scream

[Coffee]

But if coffee is brewed too weak,
get some pepper and give it a tweak
Leave out the cream
and wait for the scream
when it's sipped by a rabid bean geek.

[Jack Flanders]

:D

[Coffee]

That grin looked a little bit green

[ambo]

That grin looked a little bit green
When' did you last check on your spleen?

[zenbabe]

That grin looked a little bit green
When' did you last check on your spleen?
Has it been more than a year?

[Coffee]

That grin looked a little bit green
When' did you last check on your spleen?
Has it been more than a year?
A DECADE?! You're doomed I fear.

[Hyakujo's Fox]

That grin looked a little bit green
When' did you last check on your spleen?
Has it been more than a year?
A DECADE?! You're doomed I fear
Unless you drink lots more caffiene

[xfox]

All we have is the present

[daverbee]

All we have is the present
So work hard to make sure it's pleasant

[ambo]

All we have is the present
So work hard to make sure it's pleasant
Get off of your rump

[Brynn]

All we have is the present
So work hard to make sure it's pleasant
Get off of your rump
And clean up this dump

[daverbee]

All we have is the present
So work hard to make sure it's pleasant
Get off of your rump
And clean up this dump
But ignore all the crap in the basement.

[ambo]

In this new year, I firmly resolve

[zenbabe]

In this new year, I firmly resolve
That my thighs and my ass will disolve

[daverbee]

In this new year, I firmly resolve
That my thighs and my ass will disolve
Then assless and thighless

[Coffee]

In this new year, I firmly resolve
That my thighs and my ass will disolve
Then assless and thighless
Ill gripe less and sigh less

[Brynn]

In this new year, I firmly resolve
That my thighs and my ass will dissolve
Then assless and thighless,
I'll gripe less and sigh less
(Hoping my breasts just 'evolve').

[Etoile]

In a nutshell the size of the sun

[ambo]

In a nutshell the size of the sun
Lived a planet they called Number One

[zenbabe]

In a nutshell the size of the sun
Lived a planet they called Number One
It was said to have water

[xoites]

In a nutshell the size of the sun
Lived a planet they called Number One
It was said to have water
And women to die for

[daverbee]

In a nutshell the size of the sun
Lived a planet they called Number One
It was said to have water
And women to die for
Sadly, each one is a nun.

[Brynn]

The gray sky shall stay gray today

[Etoile]

The gray sky shall stay gray today
And that dampens our plans to go play

[zenbabe]

The gray sky shall stay gray today
And that dampens our plans to go play
So lets go do some drugs

[daverbee]

The gray sky shall stay gray today
And that dampens our plans to go play
So lets go do some drugs
Hallucinate bedbugs

[ambo]

The gray sky shall stay gray today
And that dampens our plans to go play
So lets go do some drugs
Hallucinate bedbugs
And munch as our thoughts go astray

[Etoile]

I spend all my nights on the roof

[ambo]

I spend all my nights on the roof
Don't know why this makes me a goof

[Coffee]

I spend all my nights on the roof
Don't know why this makes me a goof
For the evenings are fair

[zenbabe]

I spend all my nights on the roof
Don't know why this makes me a goof
For the evenings are fair
And I haven't a care

[Coffee]

I spend all my nights on the roof
Don't know why this makes me a goof
For the evenings are fair
And I haven't a care
I swear that Im not just aloof.

[zenbabe]

That bitch tried to fvck me but failed

[ambo]

That bitch tried to fvck me but failed
One of these days, she'll get nailed

[daverbee]

That bitch tried to fvck me but failed
One of these days, she'll get nailed
'Cause I've got her number

[Etoile]

That bitch tried to fvck me but failed
One of these days, she'll get nailed
'Cause I've got her number
She better not slumber

[ambo]

That bitch tried to fvck me but failed
One of these days, she'll get nailed
'Cause I've got her number
She better not slumber
See, the forgiveness ship has just sailed

[daverbee]

My toast landed buttered side up

[ambo]

My toast landed buttered side up
So I handed it all to the pup

[daverbee]

My toast landed buttered side up
So I handed it all to the pup
He added some sardines

[Hyakujo's Fox]

My toast landed buttered side up
So I handed it all to the pup
He added some sardines
And topped it with green beans

[daverbee]

My toast landed buttered side up
So I handed it all to the pup
He added some sardines
And topped it with green beans
Finished off with lots of catsup.

[ambo]

My puss is cute as a button

[daverbee]

My puss is cute as a button
Dinzdale wants to show puss his mutton

[Hyakujo's Fox]

My puss is cute as a button
Dinzdale wants to show puss his mutton
But puss is too quick

[daverbee]

My puss is cute as a button
Dinzdale wants to show puss his mutton
But puss is too quick
Too fast and too slick

[Hyakujo's Fox]

My puss is cute as a button
Dinzdale wants to show puss his mutton
But puss is too quick
Too fast and too slick
So Dinz must look elsewhere for ruttin'

[ambo]

The clocks are all set 'round the house

[daverbee]

The clocks are all set 'round the house
Except the one next to my spouse

[Bman]

The clocks are all set 'round the house
Except the one next to my spouse
When the hour draws near

[ambo]

The clocks are all set 'round the house
Except the one next to my spouse
When the hour draws near
He'll get up for a beer

[daverbee]

The clocks are all set 'round the house
Except the one next to my spouse
When the hour draws near
He'll get up for a beer
But he still won't bring me one, the louse...

[Brynn]

I think I'll procrastinate now

[lostsadie]

I think I'll procrastinate now
who wants to get busy anyhow

[daverbee]

I think I'll procrastinate now
who wants to get busy anyhow
I'll put off 'til tomorra

[zenbabe]

I think I'll procrastinate now
who wants to get busy anyhow
I'll put off 'til tomorra
And just say sianara

[funkytuba]

I think I'll procrastinate now
who wants to get busy anyhow
I'll put off 'til tomorra
And just say sianara
so, where did I leave that damn cow?

[daverbee]

St. Paddy's Day has come and gone

[zenbabe]

St. Paddy's Day has come and gone
Beer bottles still litter the lawn

[Audreyvgs]

St. Paddy's Day has come and gone
Beer bottles still litter the lawn
I've the pot not the gold

[zenbabe]

St. Paddy's Day has come and gone
Beer bottles still litter the lawn
I've the pot not the gold
So I will inhale and hold

[T.I.P.]

St. Paddy's Day has come and gone
Beer bottles still litter the lawn
I've the pot not the gold
So I will inhale and hold
As I exhale, night turns to dawn.

[daverbee]

He stood, and on rising, took a stand

[Hyakujo's Fox]

He stood, and on rising, took a stand
Then issued to his wife this demand

[zenbabe]

He stood, and on rising, took a stand
Then issued to his wife this demand
You best get me a beer!

[daverbee]

He stood, and on rising, took a stand
Then issued to his wife this demand
You best get me a beer!
Right now, is that clear?

[Brynn]

He stood, and on rising, took a stand
Then issued to his wife this demand
You best get me a beer!
Right now, is that clear?
And it better be bottled, not canned!

[funkytuba]

Having prooved his beer-snobbery, he

[Coffee]

Having proved his beer-snobbery, he
was surprised when his manly plea

[daverbee]

Having proved his beer-snobbery, he
was surprised when his manly plea
Was utterly ignored

[T.I.P.]

Having proved his beer-snobbery, he
was surprised when his manly plea
Was utterly ignored
And his wife, looking bored

[zenbabe]

Having proved his beer-snobbery, he
was surprised when his manly plea
Was utterly ignored
And his wife, looking bored
Decided to just fvcking die-he