This is the thread where we talk about our feelings.

[YsaPur EsChomuw]

^ blooming eejits, those designers, prolly some alien rights activists. I predict the 2016 mascot will thave the shape of the HIV virus, to continue in the tradition.

[lukkucairi]

I feel like I'm never going to get in shape properly :(

[YsaPur EsChomuw]

My feelings have led me to bed at 8 p.m. and I fell asleep immediately. Now I feel refreshed and not sleepy at all.

[YsaPur EsChomuw]

I feel utterly, utterly dry and hopeless: after four years of him plundering the country, one third of the electorate chose this paranoiac madman again. Can't they see he's a sociopath?

[lukkucairi]

^ I feel for you.

politics in the Bahamas are just as freaky - people are so easily swayed :(

[YsaPur EsChomuw]

people are so easily swayed :(

unfortunately true (for everywhere)

[Frieda]

annoyed.. was asked today why i on earth don't speak spanish because it's the 2nd most important language of the world.. well forgive me for only speaking four languages thank you very much. jeez!

[lukkucairi]

upset and irritable, under whatever coolness of exterior I have

my mother's going in for another scan - we find out how her tumors are tomorrow. it's just anticipation, worry. bleh.

[Frieda]

^ ya that's scary. the truth is already the truth but once you know it, it's something else entirely.

*hugs*

[YsaPur EsChomuw]

My uncle has died. I feel very strange. Guilty, but I don't know why. We weren't especially close in the last few years, although I adored him as a kid.

[Marcus Bales]

annoyed.. was asked today why i on earth don't speak spanish because it's the 2nd most important language of the world.. well forgive me for only speaking four languages thank you very much. jeez!

Si hoc legere scis nimium eruditionis habes.

[lukkucairi]

My uncle has died. I feel very strange. Guilty, but I don't know why. We weren't especially close in the last few years, although I adored him as a kid.

death is weird - strange is normal!

hugs to you

^^^ & thanks, Frieda - best for you as well, and hugs back

[Frieda]

^^ quidquid latine dictum sit altum viditur.

[brightpearl]

I'm sorry about your uncle, Ysa. Eventually, your first thought of him will be of a happy time from your childhood, and not how strange it is that he is gone.

I hope to hear encouraging news about your mother tomorrow, Lulu. Either way, I know you can weather what comes.

[Marcus Bales]

^^ quidquid latine dictum sit altum viditur.

Quantum materiae materietur marmota monax si marmota monax materiam possit materiari?

[Coffee]

^Is that an attempt at a Latin palindrome?

[Marcus Bales]

No, it's an attempt to do in Latin what "How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?" does in English.

[Frieda]

i truly TRULY wish my mother would find another way of asking for attention than bullying me and then pretending it wasn't on purpose. i just don't understand why it is so important for her to disrespect my boundaries over and over again. one of these days it's going to kill me.

[lukkucairi]

^ third conversation I've had today about exactly this subject. I think there was something about coming of age in the deep cold war years that did this to a whole cohort of American and European people. they don't know how to love without combat - they're all emotionally constipated - so tiresome :(

chin up, train her out of the bad behavior if you can. (http://www.nytimes.com/2006/06/25/fashion/25love.html)
*hugs*

I'm feeling rather tired myself.

[Marcus Bales]

I feel hot. The fan is ineffectual. The day is dragging on. Where's the bar?

[lukkucairi]

a bit like this guy just before he did this:

http://resources0.news.com.au/images/2010/07/26/1225897/053096-news-image-cliff-leap-20100726.jpg

he survived, I suspect I will too :p

[Frieda]

eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeoooooooooooooooooooooooo ooo~~!!!!~!11!

ordered the car and now i'm having a severe case of the hyperactivititties! :eek: :D :o :p :rolleyes: :) :eek:

[zero]

have a wee whipsky, lucille - that might quell your <s>hyperactivit</s> <s>hyperacti</s> nervous excitement to some degree

[lukkucairi]

hooray for newcardom :D

pix plz when it arrives!

[Frieda]

remind me again in january 2011....


and bring me a box of patience, please :rolleyes:

[Odbe]

I'm feeling :eek: because my timetable's clashing like a bunch of disgruntled Elasmotherium and I'm going to try to click something on the computer at 12:00:01pm to get in the right class before it fills up.

[Odbe]

Phew, got it, just one more to sort out.

[Frieda]

i have a colleague who is a total aggressive shithead. she used the wrong details to dial into a meeting today, despite the fact i told her which ones to use she responded very aggressively by hissing at me i should have explicitly said which meeting it was about. which is a whole load of bullshit, because there were no other meetings planned. during the meeting, she did not say one single word.

i want ozzy osbourne to bite her head off.

[Jack Flanders]

^ me too!

[Brynn]

Before he does, force feed her this;
http://thispiggy.com/images/14PizzasWorthDyingFor_B10C/turkishkebab.jpg

[lukkucairi]

I feel exhausted

[Con ate dog]

I feel I've outgrown the walking penis avatar, only I haven't yet found something to replace it. And really, what WOULDN'T be a step up? I don't feel penissy, nor do I feel like walking.

[MoJoRiSin]

Hi there con ate dog
maybe we can help you find a more suitable avatar

( you would certainly be welcome to use my old wood duck one for instance :) )

Find it under *images, what's on your mind*

[Brynn]

How about these? Although it may not let you use animated ones anymore...

<a href="http://avatars.jurko.net"><img src="http://img1.jurko.net/avatar_1672.gif" style="border:1px solid #000" alt="animated funny gif pic avatar"></a>

<a href="http://avatars.jurko.net"><img src="http://img1.jurko.net/avatar_5251.gif" style="border:1px solid #000" alt="funny moving avatar"></a>

[YsaPur EsChomuw]

^^ how about the picture of a corndog?

a bit phallic,
you ate it
and it's a dog

:p

[MoJoRiSin]

Did you have a significant dream lately?

mo feels that you have

[lukkucairi]

I feel uncertain as to how I should start my day. Tea didn't seem to do it.

[Marcus Bales]

I feel like a limerick:

You may not admire Eugene
For his use of the milking machine
But to judge by his grin
And the state that he’s in
He’s the happiest man in Racine.

[lukkucairi]

I feel like Bales knows his Wisconsinites a tad too well :p

[Frieda]

i think i am suffering from 2nd hand calvinism

[brightpearl]

^That can be difficult to treat, but it's rarely fatal.
I recommend large doses of Beavis and Butthead re-runs and lots of hot baths where you don't answer the phone.



I feel I am starting to drag a bit with my new schedule. Too much to do again...

[MoJoRiSin]

^^ you are

see also :: the doctrine of irresistable

Grace.

[madasacutsnake]

Trauma is so ugly.

[Odbe]

I feel like listening to sad songs.

[Jack Flanders]

Drought really sucks.

[lukkucairi]

I feel well sorted :p

thanks Bman :)

[Marcus Bales]

I feel well sorted :p thanks Bman :)

TMI

[Peregrine]

Conflicted.

[Odbe]

By the expiry date on the milk in my fridge I will have finished exams, moved out, driven intercity, flown interstate and met up with my people again.
Last days always feel weird.

[Marcus Bales]

4TH JULY 1882 MALINES MIDNIGHT.
JK Stephen

Belgian, with cumbrous tread and iron boots,
Who in the murky middle of the night,
Designing to renew the foul pursuits
In which thy life is passed, ill-favoured wight,
And wishing on the platform to alight
Where thou couldst mingle with thy fellow brutes,
Didst walk the carriage floor (a leprous sight),
As o'er the sky some baleful meteor shoots:
Upon my slippered foot thou didst descend,
Didst rouse me from my slumbers mad with pain,
And laughedst loud for several minutes' space.
Oh may'st thou suffer tortures without end:
May fiends with glowing pincers rend thy brain,
And beetles batten on thy blackened face!

[MoJoRiSin]

Mo's ancestors used to own the horse and buggy means to move everything thqat arrived by train in Decatur Illinois
(plus the ice)
>Hamman Brothers Moving and Storage"

[lukkucairi]

I feel the icy clutches of December tightening its grip around my hindbrain.

[Frieda]

isnt it weird how sometimes when the whole body suddenly starts to hurt like hell, death seems to be the only way out? and then the next day, it might as well all be distant and forgotten, like the memory of an evil dream.

[Marcus Bales]

I've got a little itch behind my ear and I feel like scratching it. Hold on.

There.

Thanks.

[lukkucairi]

I feel cheated by my lousy sleep cycle.

[Marcus Bales]

I feel like I shouldn't have come in to work early.

[lukkucairi]

I feel uncertain that 4.3Ω of resistance is enough to drop the circuit from 5V to 3V.

[Peregrine]

I = V/R
I = 3V/4.3Ω
I = 0.698A

R = V x I
R = 5V x 0.698A
R = 3.4Ω

So yes, it can, assuming constant amperage, and an initial resistance of 3.4Ω*.

*unless I fvcked up.

[MoJoRiSin]

Mo feelas like telling everyone that her husband once sat next to the inventor of LED lights
on an airplane ride....

[lukkucairi]

I feel as if I should perhaps stop procrastinating by posting on the zefrank board and get my act together to copy all those DVDs of really old family super-8 movies, and send them off to all my cousins like I rashly promised I would.

[lukkucairi]

^ I feel satisfied, as I bunged the last one in the mail yesterday afternoon :)

I also feel annoyed at the persistent twitching muscle in my left forearm.

[Odbe]

You could stack oranges on me and I wouldn't be inclined to move.

[Frieda]

so my mom should have gone to the hospital every other month for her cancer checkups and she just didn't go.

i'm not sure what to think, is this some weird form of suicide? :confused:

[brightpearl]

I'm sorry, Frieda. :(
Maybe it just seemed easier not to face it.
You can offer her some encouragement to care for herself, but other than that, all you can do is take good care of your own self.
xo

[YsaPur EsChomuw]

maybe ask her and listen to her talk about her fears

if she starts talking about it it might (only might, i'm afraid) help her decide to go and face them and decide for a check-up

you should try to avoid telling her that the fear of not knowing is bigger and grows with time, but it would be good if she realised it all by herself through talking

it is very difficult

my heart is with you and your mom

[Stephi_B]

frieda :( :(

but ysa's suggestion sounds sensible.

good luck ... and hugging you tightly.

[Frieda]

thanks guys.. you're the best.. makes me feel a little better about it all :)

[lukkucairi]

*hugs* Frieda,

it's hard to watch people do stuff like that, but you can't change how anyone else runs their life - even (especially) your mother. glad you're feeling better - just make sure she knows you love her and support her. unconditional love is very powerful!

[lukkucairi]

a bit sad - but just a bit.

[Odbe]

'The woods are lovely, dark and deep,
But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep,
And miles to go before I sleep.'

[Coffee]

Still weepy.

[Frieda]

^hugs :(

[brightpearl]

^So sorry, Coffee. I still get weepy after more than a year. :( But I also have an easier time calling up the happier memories now that some time has passed. That time will come for you, too.
xo

[YsaPur EsChomuw]

so sorry, Coff

[Jack Flanders]

Still weepy.

I so understand. We loved them and they loved us.

[Coffee]

Thank you, all of you. I feel a wee bit better today...although still prone to random gulping and face scrunching. Been seeking out friends and the company has been good.

[Frieda]

i regret not pursuing a career in acting.

instead, now i have to pretend i'm someone else all day :rolleyes:

[MoJoRiSin]

When you die Frieda it is imperative that you are able to say
"No regrets" read about Olympia Dukakis
Maybe

[Bman]

<iframe title="YouTube video player" width="480" height="390" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/Pvm-n6gwPCY?rel=0" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>

[Frieda]

When you die Frieda it is imperative that you are able to say
"No regrets" read about Olympia Dukakis
Maybe
You are right and i inquired on acting lessons today but was turned down for the beginners class starting in April. Not sure if i should be happy or sad. They want me in the level 2 class, starting in September. Keep reminding me to sign up, please.. :)

[MoJoRiSin]

I have goose bumps from reading that Frieda
^That means something (i believe ;) )
I will definitely remind you
periodically

[Brynn]

Frieda, anyone can be a good actor if they have the right teacher. You should audit several classes/teachers before deciding on one.

[Frieda]

There's only a few with evening and weekend classes unfortunately, that limits the options.. and locations too. and I dont have time to go to class for 8 hours every Saturday and Sunday either.. so I'm stuck with only a few schools for now. sucks :(

[brightpearl]

Wow, Frieda! This is really neat. I'm so proud of you! I know lots of really wonderful people who find fulfillment from acting/theater even if it's a part-time thing that they do mostly close to home. I think that whether this turns out to be a major career move or a part-time thing, or even a short-term thing, this is a positive move for you. It makes me so happy to hear!
xo

[Frieda]

:):):) i'm happy too, it felt good to do something with acting (even for a simple inquiry that turned into audition), good to know that i still got what it takes to be an actor and good to know i'm returning to doing the things that i love doing.

*phew*

[YsaPur EsChomuw]

http://www.zefrank.com/bulletin_new/images/icons/icon14.gif yay!

well done

[Marcus Bales]

I feel like Charlie Sheen is winning

[MoJoRiSin]

i wish Trisherina was here:confused:

[lukkucairi]

^ I feel the same way, mo.

[Frieda]

So far this week, i banged my shin so hard my CRPS is flaring up, ajax lost the cup final to twente, a colleague got murdered, i got locked out of the office parking garage at 23:00 not able to get to my car, got yelled at by a security guard telling me not to be in the office at night because unexpected visitors would give him a heart attack, ran out of toilet paper and heard my cat's kidneys are failing. I'm so through with this week. :( :(

[Frieda]

Oh, and i wish Trish was here, too.

[Peregrine]

Eesh! I suddenly don't feel quite so bad by comparison.

Take care, Frieda.

[Coffee]

Another /hug for you, and your kitty. Kidneys got my Mao too. :(

[Frieda]

thanks guys, makes me feel a little better :)

[brightpearl]

:( Kitty kidney problems can be a real heartbreaker. You should be able to get special food...do it if you can, it will help.

[Frieda]

She's on the special food already, costs a fortune but totally worth it.

[lukkucairi]

sorry to hear that, Frieda :(

[Frieda]

Neurotic, depressed and worthless.

[YsaPur EsChomuw]

^ oi! :(
i don't know about the first two, but the third is not true.
remind yourself that your vision in such a state of mind is distorted

hug

[Frieda]

^thanks :):o:)

[Frieda]

raaaahhhh so angry and aggressive every time i visit my parents! :mad: :mad: :mad:

[lukkucairi]

^ go throw rocks at something!

[Bman]

...like moving to Rural New Zealand.


Emphasis on the rural.

[lukkucairi]

I feel strange.

[Frieda]

a colleague of mine (also from the programme) is such an obnoxious tit i feel like smacking him in the face.

[xfox]

head aches

[YsaPur EsChomuw]

scared

i think my sister is losing her sanity

[brightpearl]

<iframe width="425" height="349" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/RWi7yUcafr0" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>

[Frieda]

Took the cat to the vet this afternoon, it was quite an ordeal. She looks so fragile right now. I'm scared she might actually die today. I told her she shouldn't, but cats never really listen. I hope she gets stronger soon.

[Peregrine]

Days like today I'm either glad I don't drink, or wonder if maybe it's time to start.

[Frieda]

i just watched this documentary about a 65-year old couple getting cochlear implants and hearing sounds for the first time.

it reminded me of my own first experience with hearing when i was 9, after getting tubes in my eardrums.

coming back from the hospital, i slammed the car door and startled myself because it sounded so loud. i told my mother that it did and she snapped at me that i always slam the doors. i tried closing the car door again more quietly but all i heard was her yelling at me to come inside.

digging in my brain like that, i wonder if i'll ever find a nice and special memory of my childhood that's not infected with angry parents. these memories are eating me up inside.

[Frieda]

i brought Turbo to the vet this morning to have her infected teeth removed.. she's a kidney cat with a heart murmur so i hope she will survive the procedure. i feel guilty already.

[Frieda]

The procedure's been postponed till 1 november.. poor cat!

[Coffee]

Good luck Turbo. Toothaches suck :-(

[YsaPur EsChomuw]

Disbelief mixed with horror.

I've lost six years' photos, documents and other work. Oh, and computer games.

[Frieda]

^boo! :( what happened? hard drive crash?

[YsaPur EsChomuw]

I don't really know, but probably. Nothing is left of 300 GB. Utterly devastating. :(

[Bman]

I've said it before and I'll say it again:

[MoJoRiSin]

i Love Youse Guys

[Frieda]

so i drive home from work, get a call my mom's been taken to the hospital for some heart/neurological crap, get there, take her home after the doctors confirm there's nothing seriously wrong with her and when i get home i find there's some sort of police raid going on in the street.

it's been a busy evening and i feel rather tired of sirens right now.

[Frieda]

devastated. may have to euthanize the cat tomorrow. :( :( :(

[funkytuba]

I'm feeling sympathy for Frieda

[YsaPur EsChomuw]

^^ Oh, no! :( :( :(

*big hug*

[Coffee]

So sorry Frieda, Mira and I send furry purrs and hugs.

[Frieda]

Turbo's still here, she had 2 IVs of 350cc and she's doing ok again, I'm happy and relieved! :):)

I know that day will come but thank fvck it wasn't today. I'm not ready yet.

[Brynn]

That's good news, Frieda. Cats just sneak in and inhabit those spaces in us we didn't know were there - hope she feels better soon :cool:

[brightpearl]

I'm glad it wasn't today, Freeds. Maybe Turbo knows you're not ready. I never got ready with my Atlas, but I'm so glad I had him for as long as I did.

[xfox]

^hoping for a speedy recovery, Freida

[Frieda]

Thanks guys, it means a lot :)

[Frieda]

I think these really are Turbo's last days. I love her so much.

[Frieda]

it's done, Turbo is dead. my little girl is dead. i miss her so much.

[brightpearl]

Oh Frieda, I'm so terribly sorry. I used to call the kitty I lost a couple of years ago my first son, and seeing you call Turbo your little girl is just heartbreaking. It's so awful, so intense. I still feel it myself, but sometimes my first thought of him is when he was young and healthy, like when he walked right into my apartment as a little thing like he owned the place, just because I had given him some scraps. He laid down on some shoes and started taking a bath, and that's how I got him. Someday you will think of something like that about Turbo, and though you will shortly remember this day as well, may it be some comfort to you to think on happier times first.

I dunno, it's been 2 years and I still can't bear to get another cat. :(

I'm with you, shedding tears with you over furry souls. Take good care of yourself on Turbo's behalf.

PS your mailbox is full, and I bet a lot of folks will want to PM you.

[Coffee]

words fail, but my kitty loving heart sends you best wishes. Mira and I send our purrs and hugs.

[Brynn]

Oh dear Frieds. So very sorry.

[YsaPur EsChomuw]

I'm very sorry. Hugs. Take care, Frieda.

[Frieda]

thanks guys. i got a call this morning that she'll be cremated today. it's still hard and strangely enough also ok. i'm glad i was there to give her a wonderful life.

[Frieda]

I picked up the urn with Turbo's ashes from the vet yesterday, and now I'm not sure what to do with it.. I've put it on my tv with all my other cherished items and trinkets and some flowers next to it.. has anyone else ever had an urn in the house?

[brightpearl]

Yes, I have my kitty in a similar arrangement to yours, along with a photo of my grandmother and another of a dear friend I lost years ago. :( At first I had it on my bedside table. If I was still in the old house, I would have it near his favorite sleeping spot, I think.

[Coffee]

Gone 1 year:
http://i1149.photobucket.com/albums/o596/CoffeesPictures/MaoGrave.jpg

[MoJoRiSin]

^Coffee one of those stones looks like an arrowhead
amazing

[Frieda]

^^ that's a really pretty grave, coffee.

[Frieda]

oh sweet jesus, i HAT my job.

[brightpearl]

Urgh.

Sometimes my job hurts.
I just wanna lie here and groan for a little while.

[Brynn]

Feeling alienated, lonesome and broke, but accepting that as par for the course and getting over it as I type. I don't have any REAL problems. My 15 year old son has a young friend from school who just got a kidney transplant, and he's thrilled to be making urine, so how's that for perspective?

[Hyakujo's Fox]

murky and elusive and occasionally the opposite of that

[Coffee]

Inexplicably occasionally worried, despite nothing but evidence to the contrary. Work is going great, bills are getting paid off, looking like I can possibly repair my boat issues and get it sailing by next summer at this rate... but 3+ years of un/inadequate employment have made me happy-shy...doesn't feel safe to be happy. And that makes me feel :confused: and :( and :rolleyes: all at same time

[Frieda]

****, i think i'm getting laid off in two weeks :mad: :mad: :mad:

[Coffee]

:( :( :( So sorry Freida. I will be sending "New Workship" waves your way till something comes your way...hopefully much sooner than the 3 years I was in Lay-Up waiting to float again.
Perhaps this is an opportunity to try something new?
/hug.

[Frieda]

try and send "let her keep her job, she's a wonderful addition to our company"-vibes please..

if it is my turn to get laid (there's already 175 people at risk from the 1100), at least i get a little money to cover for the first few months before welfare kicks in.

not sure what else i could be doing.. have no diplomas whatsoever :(

[Coffee]

try and send "let her keep her job, she's a wonderful addition to our company"-vibes please..

Vibes re-tuned to new frequency ;)

[YsaPur EsChomuw]

me too
i want you to be fine

[MoJoRiSin]

me three !!
i see great things ahead for you Frieda,
>>>NOT WELFARE!<<<:)

also, just in case you have forgotten
here is this (http://www.beliefnet.com/Wellness/2003/08/Olympia-Dukakis-Spiritual-Journey.aspx?p=2) again

[Frieda]

Thanks guys, i appreciate that.. i want to be fine too. This time for opportunities comes too soon.. unless there's really a sh*tload of money involved. I'm scared to go to work tomorrow. I hear from others that they call you first thing in the morning.

[YsaPur EsChomuw]

it's really bad to live under such pressure.

(i see antelopes grazing, projecting my own fears onto them, 'who will be the next, brought down by the lions' maul? will it be me?')

be brave, girl, inside. decide in your head that you will go through these difficult times no matter what.

even so, i believe, peace is a gift, not something generated by the self. this morning i wish you peace.

[Frieda]

^ thank you :):):)



and i made it through another day without any lion encounter

[brightpearl]

:( You seem pretty tough, and I know you would find a way to land on your feet, but I hope you don't have to.

Coffee makes a good point, though...maybe if it happens, it can be turned into an opportunity to be doing something you love, even if it is rough in the middle for a while.

Keep us posted.

Lions, go away...

[Coffee]

^made me think of this song...not sure if lyrics are appropro, but it seems hopeful anyhow?

<iframe width="420" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/8WwKcNLnhDA" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>

[Frieda]

it looks like the lions have gone and eaten about 200 of us, but left me alone.

guess who's doing the administrative shit?

[Frieda]

hey, it allows me to say shit!

[Coffee]

Yay for you hanging in their frieda...sorry you are having to process everyone else's terrible news though. That has to suck a lot. :-(

[YsaPur EsChomuw]

^goooood!

Now you can start to HAT your job again! :p

[Hyakujo's Fox]

Oh Frieda I missed all this, but fortunately I read it backwards and didn't have to worry. :P

sorry about the shit though, but I guess that never runs out.

[brightpearl]

I'm relieved to hear your job is still there for you, Frieda, and I hope it is there for as long as you need it. There was a round of layoffs where I work last year, and though my specific department is so thinly staffed that it can't be cut any further, it resulted in a lot of stress for my coworkers, and now they are stretched so thinly in places that it continues to affect the whole workplace.

Economics is scary. :(

[Brynn]

yes, good news, Frieda! :)

I'm looking for work. I'm tired and don't feel like looking for work. I think I may have diabetes. No health insurance. Good time to overhaul my diet and exercise routine - no more cheese. Already cut out wheat. Just feel tired all the time, and my feet burn.

[YsaPur EsChomuw]

^stevia (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stevia)

... In relation to diabetes, studies have shown stevia to have a revitalizing effect on β-cells of pancreas, improve insulin sensitivity in rats, and possibly even to promote additional insulin production, helping to reverse diabetes and metabolic syndrome....



I don't know much about plants, maybe Pearl or Frieda have something more to say.

[brightpearl]

Unrefined stevia can also cause liver damage, unfortunately, and I can't say yet whether the refined rebiana has any beneficial effect. I still have high hopes, but I'm worried about it. And the largest studies show that sodas with artificial sweeteners don't help with weight loss and are as associated with chronic disease as regular soda. It's frustrating. The no apparent weight loss thing probably has something to do with the gut brain (http://www.scientificamerican.com/article.cfm?id=gut-second-brain) getting confused.

Exercise does more to increase insulin sensitivity than anything else, followed by weight loss. And then if you eat a moderate amount of carbohydrate, mixed with fats and proteins, at each meal or snack, you get by with less insulin. The healthy plate (http://www.cardiosmart.org/uploadedImages/GetCardioSmart/GTT_Pages/Healthy%20Plate.jpg?n=4194) works for most people, unless they are making very little insulin. The diabetic diet is just a healthy diet.

[brightpearl]

And PS, the symptoms Brynn mentioned are worrisome, particularly if accompanied by being thirsty and having to pee a lot, and with hunger, weight loss, blurry vision, chest pain. There are lots of health fairs with free screenings if you don't have insurance. If you do have diabetes or metabolic syndrome, it is critically important to exercise and eat properly to control your blood sugar, and to take insulin if it's very advanced. Do not half-ass it. Blood sugar a little bit high is too high if you're in you're under 70, and it is doing damage to your blood vessels, nerves, kidneys, and heart.

Also at one point cinnamon looked really good, but later studies don't seem to hold that one up. Nopal might be helpful...a couple of cups of berries per week looks good...

But mainly exercise. The best plants for diabetes are the roses you stop to smell on your walk.

[brightpearl]

God, I am so boring.
:o

[MoJoRiSin]

^^^
Brightpearl,
the link
posted under
"gut brain"
i am finding
very enjoyable/informative
thanks for posting :)

[MoJoRiSin]

*wsj not all calories are created equal*

I feel is something that should be read by everyone
I remember thinking back in the day that Me. pritikin had
it all wrong. <?:)

[xfox]

I will be depressed for a while, mIssing my Mom. She loved life, music, books, home, me and my brothers, her friends, galavanting, getting letters and writing them. I don't think I've ever met anybody kinder and more patient than Alice.

[YsaPur EsChomuw]

^ hugs, xfoxie

i'm sure part of her wonderfulness is inside you and you'll carry on in her legacy of being a kind and gallivanting and loving lady, adding your very special bit to the mix.

[xfox]

YsaPur you are much loved. Thanks.

[Hyakujo's Fox]

so sorry for your loss xfox.

+1 for YsaPur's remarks

[MoJoRiSin]

^ Yes
~~~~
also: your Mom sounds
perfect
Hugs and kisses to you xfox
ox, Mo

[Coffee]

:( so sorry xfox.

/hug

[Frieda]

sorry for your loss xfox :( *hugs*

[xfox]

Thanks for your condolences. It helps a lot to have your support.:o

[Frieda]

I am on holiday, alone, because i suddenly had to take 2,5 weeks of vacation days before they expire.. unfortunately, nobody could come along. It was a long drive but at least it's sunny here. I hope i'll feel a little less bored tomorrow!

[xfox]

Are you very far from home? New places usually aren't boring. Hope you can do something that makes you happy, Frieda:)

[Frieda]

Thank you :) i am about 800 km away from home, in Saint-Malo, France, an old pirate town (obviously). The city is beautiful, and i will try the beach today!

[Hyakujo's Fox]

Hmmmm. I'll be in same situation after tomorrow, short notice leave with nothing really planned, I guess I'll end up in Queensland somewhere restoring my vitamin D levels.

Anyway, this time of year is the yuckiest yuck of the winter here but if you find yourself staying up late you might find yourself flicking the tv over to the Tour de France, and then you can see how absurdly and wonderfully green and sunny the French countryside is right now, and you hardly dare to wish you could fall through the television and be there because you know you can't. So please enjoy it Frieda!

[Frieda]

Have enjoyed myself a lot today, went to the beach, which wasn't there yet because the tide was late, a rare phenomenon according to a local old lady. I walked for 5 min to the nearest visible bit of beach and nearly washed ashore because of some ridiculously high waves, met a dutch couple who watched me struggle, and hung out with them on the beach all day. One lousy thing though, i forgot to put sunscreen on my feet. Ouch.

Hfox, hope you'll enjoy yourself too, even though it's yucky winter time there!

[brightpearl]

It's lovely to hear about your holidays!
I can't believe I didn't visit France when TIP was still there...hope the beach is less muddy and less jellyfishy than our Texas beaches!
And hfoxy, I hope you find something cozy and relaxing to do.

I am not exactly on vacation, but I am working a little bit less than I have been, which, I feel is a good thing.

A scary thing is that we recently discovered the baby is allergic to peanuts. Really, really allergic, had to take him to the ER. He's okay, but we have to carry an epi-pen everywhere and be those weird parents who won't let anyone touch our baby. Because I work in a health field, people keep saying, well hey, at least his mom knows what to do! This doesn't make me feel better, though, because any mom would learn what she needed to know in short order. What I worry about is other people. No one will be as careful as I will.

There are some new immunotherapies, so we will hope for those, but in the meantime, we will worry a lot.

[Brynn]

Holy crap, Pearl! You must have been beside yourself that day. Poor little bebe!
I feel like giving you a hug.

[Frieda]

jesus christ, so you come back from a relaxing holiday, all happy and stuff, and your mom tells you her cancer got terminal. it's now moved to the bones and intestines. i feel like i've already hit rock bottom and i know it's only going to get worse from here.

i can't believe i just had the last happy week in the next 2 years.

[Brynn]

I'm sorry Frieda. :(

[Brynn]

I'm drowning.

[Frieda]

my mom's in the hospital, her bowel has stopped working or something. she thinks she's going to die tomorrow.

i've got the same feeling like the week before my cat had to die, the impending doom stuff. :(

[brightpearl]

Oh no, I've just come in to say thanks for the piratey postcard, and here's this horrible thing you came home to. I'm so sorry Frieda, so sorry. It's this thing we all must deal with, the one thing we all really have in common, and yet knowing that doesn't help very much.
I'm sure you have some very complicated feelings about it that boil down to overall rotten. Try to eat a little and sleep a little. Much love to you. We're here.

[xfox]

Frieda, I'm so sorry to hear this. I think being there with your Mom is all you can do. The hospital staff are well trained to keep her comfortable as much as possible, and I hope you can spend some time with her. I can imagine how difficult this is for you.

[Coffee]

Frieda, ... Inadequate word supply for this situation :(

/hug /hug /hug

[Frieda]

thanks all, it means a lot. the vacation seems ages ago already!

tomorrow turned into today and she's not dead yet, she was taken for emergency surgery this afternoon to fix a blocked colon. there was a tumor in the way. they chopped out the part of the colon which was blocked and sewed the edges back together. like plumbing but without the duct tape.

pfft!

[YsaPur EsChomuw]

*sigh* *hug*

[MoJoRiSin]

Frieda if you are someday sitting with your mom while she is sleeping
do this exercise
to be helpful
imagine she is sitting up and younger
(perhaps she is 8+ months pregnant with you)
imagine you are in a huge flower garden filled with
millions of pink roses and you are patiently making a simple crown from them
and placing it on her head then you
bend down to get rose petals from the ground
and place within the crown until no more will fit
continue this making slightly smaller and smaller crowns until eay up
high you place a single
pink rose
:)
this will help
i promise
ox Love Mo

[Frieda]

Latest news is that she now has an infection, and broad spectrum antibiotics to help her fight it.

I am currently occupied with finding that goddamn mosquito that keeps biting me.

[YsaPur EsChomuw]

^
http://img.zoznamtovaru.sk/direct/iR/importprodukt-orig/5b0/5b0cf336ba7cdaa1a5f9bb106e89e9a1.jpg


when i am lying on my bed i have a splitting headache. when i sit up it gets better. when i try to get some seep the pain returns. :(

[funkytuba]

Best wishes, Frieda

[Frieda]

fvck-a-doodle, just heard some weird news on the radio..

a guy got convicted for manslaughter of his wife by slicing her throat and then running away from the police in May 2011.

then i realized the wife they were talking about was my colleague. i didn't know about the throat thing yet, sweet jesus. i wish i'd never known. ugh!

[Brynn]

I was just thinking about you today, Frieda. Sending you good thoughts.

[Frieda]

thanks everyone, for all the good thoughts, kind words & nice suggestions! :)

my mom's coming home from the hospital either tomorrow or the day after. she can eat, pee and poop again, and she still has a fever but they can't find any signs of infection so they think it may just be the healing in progress.

they'll keep her on antibiotics and paracetamol though, and a potassium supplement.

[Coffee]

Hoping that you mom pulls through to a speedy recovery from this latest crisis.
Hang in there Frieda.
/hug.

[YsaPur EsChomuw]

good to hear she is a little better. happies to your mom and you, too!

[Frieda]

pfft, it's two different kinds of cancer. no-one can battle that shit.

[Hyakujo's Fox]

jeez... *hugs* freeds, *hugs*

[Frieda]

My mom is entering the last phase of her life.. Would appreciate good thoughts & vibes & prayers & things to help her move on in peace..

it's hard, and strange. Can't believe she won't be here anymore in a few weeks. :(

[YsaPur EsChomuw]

I am really sorry this is happening.
I will pray for your mom. And for your dad and you, too. This is a difficult time for all of you. If there was an emoticon for compassion that would hug you and rock you and let you cry and cry with you I would put it here.

[brightpearl]

Oh, Frieda. I'm so sorry.
My chosen prayers have a long tradition of helping with transition, and I will think of her. This will be a transition for you, too, and it will be hard, but many people have weathered it before you. You will survive it, and you will survive it as your mother's daughter.

You've talked some about your relationship with your mother being complicated, and I think sometimes that makes it a little more painful...there is a lot of housekeeping of feelings to do. It has helped me to see a counselor during times of transition, and I hope you will think about finding one when you're ready to work through more than you can do yourself.

Do you have enough people? You need some good people.
Also ice cream would be good.

Much love to you.

[Brynn]

Love, peace, acceptance, comfort to you and your whole family, Frieda. I only wish that we could bear some of the burden of grief with you.

[funkytuba]

*sending good vibes*

[Frieda]

thanks everyone, i really appreciate your kind words-- it helps a lot!

[Frieda]

Tomorrow will be the hardest day of my life. Pfft.

[brightpearl]

^What's up?
I think we can see your real heart around here, and it seems good, and strong. Whatever it is, you can learn to carry it. What can we do to help?
Much love to you.

[Frieda]

My mother passed away this morning, it went very quick. She was ready and calm. I'm so happy for her that she doesn't have to suffer anymore. I miss her so much. :(

[Hyakujo's Fox]

So sorry to hear that. :(

I know what a strange and shocking place the world will seem like today. Nothing to do but to accept as you can, to feel as you feel and to endure as you must. I will be thinking of you.

hugs and love to you

[Frieda]

^thank you, it helps..

[brightpearl]

Hfoxy's advice is very good. I promise that the day will come when you can piece things back together a little, when your first thought of her is a happy one rather than a memory of illness, but for a while it will not be so, and that is okay. Just do your best. Really, you don't even have to worry about whether you are doing your best, because you just are. Find real people for real hugs, though I am glad our little virtual ones help a bit.

I am thinking of you.

[YsaPur EsChomuw]

I'm really and sincerely sorry. Lots of love and lots of hugs, Frieda. xx

[Frieda]

Thank you for the kind words, even though virtual, it means a lot. It's been a crazy few days, lots of grief, lots of stuff to take care of, and lots of sleep. the ceremonial things will be on friday. pfft.

[Brynn]

We care about you, Frieda. It's been heartbreaking for the last year, and will be possibly your hardest loss ever, so I hope you get a chance to grieve fully. Know that as your mom, she automatically loved you fiercely, and did a good job with you, because you are loved. I hope Friday is a good day to celebrate her legacy. Draw close to the people who loved her, love you, and all the other people she's reflected in. My heartfelt condolences.

[Jack Flanders]

Wow...Frieda. Stay strong.

[brightpearl]

Man, loss is so difficult to acclimate to.
My best friend lost her mom to cancer, too, about 5 years ago, and her dad just about a month ago. Her dad was a really, really difficult person, and her mom stayed with him all that time. When she was gone, my friend had to care for him of course, and she did very well. He was extremely high maintenance because he was very ill, but he was also very cruel sometimes. Now that he is gone, she is sort of re-living her mom's loss too...Perhaps it is really the first time she has had time to grieve.

There is just so much in it. Big love, big disappointments, big regrets. Resolutions about how you will do better with your own life, and then having to respond to your own shortcomings.

She is right where she should be now, alternating between okay and not okay, but there is all this family crap going on, and closing accounts, selling the house... She'll be all right, and I am so proud of her, but I wish I could carry more of it for her. It's all a universal pain, the kind we all feel at some point in our lives, and so we literally carry it together, but part of the pain of it is, ironically, feeling alone.

Wish I could carry more of it for you, too, Frieda. I think about you every time I talk to her. XO.

[xfox]

Freida, I'm so sorry to hear this. My thoughts are with you. I hope you keep the memories of her close for now. You are the blossom for all seasons to come.

[Coffee]

Frieda...Words are completely inadequate.

/Hugs. :(

[funkytuba]

Thinking about you Frieds

[brightpearl]

Yes, yes...thinking of you. Take good care.

[YsaPur EsChomuw]

me too
http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_liuqeoyqNO1qhsgquo1_500.jpg

hugs

[Hyakujo's Fox]

Hope you're doing okay today. More *hugs*

[Jack Flanders]

Here's some more hugs...

[Brynn]

I remember when I was 17, for the week of my father's funeral, my family was innundated with delicious cassaroles dripping with cheese and buttery carbs and crunchy good things - the super comfort food of love. I remember taking huge warm bites of these new flavors that I didn't have cook myself and thinking "how can this taste so good when I feel so sad and awful?" It was like my body and my spirit were at complete odds with each other. In the time it took to smell, taste, chew, swallow, and feel my stomach fill with unfamiliar concoctions from other families and tribes, my body insisted on its own survival and sustenance. For whole minutes at a time, the food said "Here, take a break. This is good."
Sending you a big cassarole of your favorite things today, Freida.

[Jack Flanders]

Welcome to new another insane world, Pearly!! ;)

[Peregrine]

I think that we as a society need to rethink what we think we know about depression and suicide. From bitter experience, one all too recent, I just don't think that the standard cliches hold up. It can't always be a cry for help, or just looking for attention. It can't always be hoping they'll be found before it's too late. It can't always be that they think they'll be back. Maybe sometimes it is, but it can't always.

Sometimes I think that some people reach a point where they think can't cope anymore. The cries for help before didn't get them any better, and they're done crying. They can't be hoping to be found just in time, because they know that it will be so long before…

I'm left thinking; could I have said something that might have changed the outcome? Maybe commented on that witty Facebook post, instead of breezing past. Maybe gone less than a month between casual hellos. Maybe gotten around to inviting them to dinner like we'd planned. Just one simple kindness that seemed so meaningless at the time; could it have changed the course? Triggered the realization that maybe somebody does care? Or would that just delay inevitable? Was it inevitable?

I don't know. I don't really suffer from depression myself, so I can only imagine what it must take to become that desperate. I am a very pro-science individual, but psychology is a very young science, and I've seen it fail too many times. We have so far yet to go.

All I can say is, to anyone else who might be struggling, please, hang in there. Please. The world isn't perfect, and we all have our ups and downs. Don't get off the ride just because you've reached bottom. It won't always be this way. There will be good times again, I promise. Sometimes you will come around again and feel down, and maybe you'll feel like it will never be like it was before, that time, that trip, that hike, that night kicking our ass at Medal of Honor. But please, hang in just a little longer. There will be good times again. I know there will.

[brightpearl]

^Wow, I feel ya, man. I have had my ups and downs too, but like you I don't think I have ever had a real clinical depression. I have, however, done my very, very best to help some people who did, and ultimately I couldn't do much. It was a huge disappointment both to me and the sufferer every time. Anti-depressants help, they really do, if the person finds the right combination, and then if they manage to switch when an SSRI stops working, for example. But, though there are some people who respond very well and only need them short-term, for others they seem to just make things barely bearable, or maybe give them that little bit of energy to invest in something that will help more thoroughly and permanently, like counseling.

Three things come to mind that I want to share with you. None of them are solutions; they're just things that I have found compelling in my great deal of thinking about this issue:
1. People who jump and survive ofter report mid-air regret (http://www.newyorker.com/archive/2003/10/13/031013fa_fact?currentPage=all).

2. One of the best explanations of what it feels like to be chemically, clinically depressed, with a really lovely ending, from Hyperbole and a Half (http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com/). That whole blog is great. Some of her childhood stories are hysterically funny, and yet you get glimpses of early signs of her future mental struggles.

3. Radical acceptance (http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/evil-deeds/200806/essential-secrets-psychotherapy-change-or-acceptance) is very interesting. In terms of suicidal thoughts, if there is something so terrible about life or yourself that you'd rather die than accept it, perhaps it would be helpful if you could accept it. Easier said than done, but there are some resources for cognitive-behavioral therapy structured around this idea.

Caring about and for a depressed person is extremely painful, so radical acceptance can be helpful for the friend or family member as well. Once you accept the way things are, you can look to see whether there is anything that can be changed actively, and you can accept passive waiting for things to evolve if there is not.

Thanks for bringing this up. Take good care of yourself.

[Brynn]

Sure, there is always something more that we can do for anybody and everybody all the time - it's just impossible to know who needs it the most. We are merely human, without unlimited sources of energy, time and discernment, unfortunately.
I considered suicide a long time ago when I was 19 and had never experienced so much pain and grief before, so had no idea how to handle it. I remember just wanting the pain to end. I was not thinking about how hurt my family would be, and wasn't worried about friends because I truly felt I had no one who cared about me at that time in my life.
I don't think a superficial fix like one random kind word, a comment on Facebook or a dinner invitation would have convinced me not to go through with it. The only thing that kept me alive until I could adjust to the pain and accept it was a counselor who made a deal with me to just keep showing up for future appointments I made at the end of each session. She said I always had the option of killing myself later if I still wanted to, and indeed, I would have that option for the rest of my life. That seemed reasonable to me, and I appreciated that she took my intentions seriously.

[Peregrine]

Thanks, guys.