do not reply.

[Klynne]

Originally posted by agentsmith
i see that comehither look in your avatar's eye, coffee....

Yep, Coffee, you have that sexy look going on. Now, On with the flick!

*The producers have backed out of the original film, since it is so off schedule and over budget. Larry Flint has agreed to back an adult film. Instead of having a casting call, Catbelly has decided to use the zemonkeys. The film is entitled "Coffee, Tea, or Me?" Catbelly has the difficult choice of who to cast in which role....*

[agentsmith]

damn you klynne! it almost died!

[catbelly]

Look what I found at the bottom of the page!

*catbelly decides to have auditions rather than choosing among the various and talented zemonkeys*

"OK everyone, who would like to play 'ME'? Please line up behind ... yes, behind Dinz."

[Klynne]

"I will, I will," Ze says, as he jumps up and down, with one hand raised. Catbelly gives him a skeptical look, and sighs, "Oh, okay, have at it."

[catbelly]

"bear in mind that you are going to be playing a 5'2" woman of the asian persuasion, now," catbelly says, eyeing the long tall sally that is Ze.

"no problem," says the man, "I am an actor - have you not seen my many short films?"

Instantly sorry to have been skeptical, catbelly prepares to watch the interpretive dance that Mr. Frank has prepared.

Klynne strolls in, wearing sandals and a sarong. "What are you guys up to?" she drawls, sipping a cream soda. "Ze, why are you wearing that catsuit? It is striking, mind you, but it looks like it's restricting blood flow to your boys."

[agentsmith]

"ha!" ze replies, patting his groin, but realizes that they are indeed cold and numb. He runs out the door with a stricken look on his face.

[catbelly]

"NEXT!!" yells catbelly.

In a complete surprise manoeuvre, out steps:

[agentsmith]

KAKIHARA FROM ICHI THE KILLER!

[Coffee]

I realize it would be setting myself up for potential typecasting...but could I audition for the role of...Tea?

I don't see how either of the other roles could possibly be suitable for me.

I'll go make another expresso on my new machine while waiting to see if I get a casting call.

Runs quickly to new expresso machine...very quickly.

anyone want a esspresso, or cappucino while i'm at it???

[agentsmith]

sure kid.

[Coffee]

with or without cow juice?

[catbelly]

Catbelly is overwhelmed by the interest in the production. "Americano for me, please. Are you sure there's no other part you are interested in? You seem so .... hmmmm .... similar in ways to Tea, but stronger, darker somehow ... more aromatic!"

Kakihara is put out that catbelly and agent are talking to Coffee instead of him. He starts to pout and look for someone else to pay attention to him ... and notices agent's avatar, he of the perpetually open mouth.

[agentsmith]

"ah!" he shrieks, and rushes over to agent's avatar. (his name is miyavi by the way)


"hey, wanna buttf*ck?"

[catbelly]

Miyavi cannot reply since him mouth is stuck open. Kakihara is not used to taking "no" for an answer anyway.

[agentsmith]

.....so he drags him off into the janitors closet. The whole cast can hear rigourous thumping noises for the next week.

[Coffee]

Coffee returns with a buzzed look on his face and 2 americanos and 3 cappucinos, 2 espressos and a latte...

"I was a bit hyper so I added a bit to the order...assumed Agent would want a Cap....hmmm...where is Agentsmith?"
Oh well drinks Agent's Cappucinos while suspiciously eyeing janitor closet door".

[catbelly]

Fortunately the janitors closet is fully stocked with many and varied cleaning products!

Coffee is buzzing so hard that he vibrates into a new dimension.

[Klynne]

*Coffee is beamed up into the Starship Enterprise, once again*

"Jesus," Coffee says, "I don't how much more I can take of this."

[agentsmith]

A WEEK LATER

Miyavi staggers out of the closet and runs off to get some coffee and an energy drink. The thumping noises continue to come from the closet.

[Klynne]

Back to the top with you.

[agentsmith]

where's salaud? i miss him.

[Coffee]

bbbbzzzzzzzuuuuuuuzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzssssssssssssss ssssssszzzzzztttt


Whoa.
Where the heck am I?

*coffee looks around and sees fog like material up to his knees, and indistinct horizon and a sudden shifting blur at the edge of his vision*

* a disembodied voice speaks...but in Coffee's head*

Coffee, you have been brought to the Q dimension to help us, and your dimension, with a problem.

"What kind of problem?"

there is an evil force at work in your dimension and we are forbidden to take direct action against it. We are not allowed to interfere in the time period you inhabit. Since you are not actually from that time period we are able to bring you into our confidence and permit you to help with...the difficulty.

"Why me?"..."and what do you mean I am not of my time period?"

oh..yes...we forgot you have a short attention span...please review page 24 of this thread for an explaination.

Coffee reviews page 24. "Oh...I see".

"So I am from the future" "what do you want me to do?"

Well as we just said an evil force is at work in...

"Ya ya...my attention span is not that short...get on with it"

ahem...err...yes. So this force is subverting a character named Agent Smith, causing her to do unspeakable things to not so manly men in janitor closets. This activity is giving others the impression that janitor closets are meant to be used for unspeakable acts..when in fact they are holy sites seldom frequented by entities other than representatives of the Q dimension.

"you mean...janitors are beings from another dimension?"

Yes...how else do you think the mess that hundreds of thoughtless office workers make all day long get cleaned up in just one night by only a few janitors?

"hmm...i guess that makes sense...but it sounds a bit silly if you ask me"

We aren't asking you...we are telling you. The desecration that the Agent Smith is commiting to the Q sites in your dimension and time will seriously affect the stability of your world...and could prevent the formation of the Q dimension itself which does not actually occur for another 127 of your years, in a freak accident when several cleaning products are accidentally combined (despite implicit warnings on the product labels) by yet another thoughtless office worker trying to get rid of an ink stain on his boss' desk after boinking a fellow office worker after hours.

"my god...that sounds impossible"

No...just improbable...trust us on this...if janitor closets continue to be used as sites of attrocities like Agent Smith continues to commit...then the office worker will be too squemish to retrieve the specific chemicals neccesary for the formation of the Q dimension and none of this will actually take place.

"uhhh...would that be bad?"

IT WOULD FOR US YOU JACKASS.

'ok...ok...jeesh you Q can get testy". "I'll see what I can do...but how do you expect me to take on the Agent Smith by myself, she has proven to be very resourceful and powerful."

We have an agent of our own in this thread...but we can't tell you who it is and you will never guess the identity...but she isclever, and powerful in her own right and capable of helping you defeat the Agent Smith.

"hmmm...could it be Catbelly?"

*long pause and muffled arguing by Q folks*
*coffee/kirk thinks he hears several Q's say "you dumbass Q fark, that's the last time we let you play spokes-Q...that was a pretty good hint you moron"*

a second Q voice says:
Uhh ahem...no...that is not correct...totaly wrong coffee...nice try though. ahem....Do your best Coffee to defeat the Agent Smith...several dimensions are counting on you.

bbbbzzzzzzzuuuuuuuzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzssssssssssssss ssssssszzzzzztttt

[agentsmith]

hmmm...i should let you kill this thread with that, but i have to do it myself.

[funkytuba]

Originally posted by agentsmith
hmmm...i should let you kill this thread with that, but i have to do it myself.

"NOT ON MY WATCH!!"

*throws himself in front of whatever agent has in store for the thread*

[Coffee]

Originally posted by funkytuba
"NOT ON MY WATCH!!"

*throws himself in front of whatever agent has in store for the thread*

phew...thread saved by Tuna.

Coffee nonchalantly walks onto the set from the direction of the kitchen carrying a very hot triple espresso. He quickly opens the janitor closet door...flings the espresso in and slams door shut.

Thumping noises are replaced by shrieking sounds. Kakihara runs steaming from the closet and flees the set.

Coffee whistles softly and heads back to kitchen for more ammunition just in case...

[agentsmith]

thanks for that coffee! you made my day!:D

[Coffee]

*Carefully hands Agent Smith a Decaf Double espresso with a qualude slipped into it*

"here you go Agent...hope you enjoy it. It's a special relaxing blend I whipped up just for you."

[Coffee]

Wow...I guess I totally Neutralized the Agent with that "espresso"....I found this thread all by itself on second page.

[Klynne]

*Agent is still snoring, the effects of the ludes have not worn off*

[agentsmith]

i been gone a week?

[catbelly]

"i been gone a week?" said agent, slowly emerging from the broom closet.

"where are my pants?"

[agentsmith]

*stares at self in mirror*

why am i wearing a rhinestone g string?

[Perky Pat]

Originally posted by agentsmith
*stares at self in mirror*

why am i wearing a rhinestone g string?

agnes SMITH!!!! bad girl. dirty girl. to your bed.

[agentsmith]

Originally posted by Perky Pat
agnes SMITH!!!! bad girl. dirty girl. to your bed.


*beats perky over the head with a large frozen carp and shoves him in the broomcloset*


Miyavi enters the closet, cautiosly, and soon the cast hear more vigorous thumping sounds.

[Klynne]

*The zemonkeys creep up to the closet so they can hear better*

"Wow," says Coffee, "Agent seems to be spending a lot of time in the closet lately. What do you think they are doing in there?"

[Coffee]

Coffee heads back to kitchen for more Double Decaf Espresso mumbling something about "...weak qualudes these days"
and "whip something up..."


*chopping and grinding noises emanate from the kitchen*
*industrial size hydraulic presses and then jackhammers are heard for a full 5 minutes following*
The caucaphony dies down for a half minute or so then is followed by a gradually rising in intensity Bubbling and Whoosing which continues to build until what sounds like a enormous steam leak in a nuclear reactor cooling system blasts from the kitchen.*

Coffee returns tip toeing from the kitchen, a bit dishevled looking, with a rumbling and shaking thermos bottle and a tray of cups and suacers.

He nervously slips the door of the janitor closet opens and gently slides the thermos bottle and the 3 demitasse cups and saucers with Anime prints on them through the crack in the door.

Then he gently but firmly closes the door and runs.

[Klynne]

*The closet door bursts open, and there stands Agent, in her glittery g-string, and boy is she pvssed. Coffee slaps his forehead*

"Damn," Coffee half mutters, "My grandmother's recipe must have been for uppers, not downers."

*Coffee runs away from Agent as fast as he can, but he trips on his Lord of the Rings Robe*

[agentsmith]

OH GOD I DONT WANT TO DIE!!!!! screams coffee, dashing for the kitchen with the agent hot on his heels. stumbling over his elegant robe with every step, coffee starts to shriek madly and uncontrollably, when suddenly-

[Klynne]

*The mothership appears again, and beams him up*

"Christ, Coffee," Jim says, "You are fvcking up this mission."

*Coffee hangs his head in shame*

[agentsmith]

the ship tries to leave, when WHAM-

[Klynne]

* Agent sprouts wings, and sky rockets towards the mothership. She is high as a kite, literally, and figuratively. She is gnashing her teeth, and roaring. The star ship Enterprise is in peril*

[agentsmith]

OH MY GOD ITS DOCTER SPOCK!



Spock approaches the closet, where kakihara and miyavi have resumed their buttf*cking activities and asks..."gentlemen, mind if i join?" however, neither of them speak english and think he made a death threat, so they shoot him in the head and slam the door.

[Coffee]

OMG...you shot (Mr.) Spock? Can you do that? I think it is a golden rule or something that the main Star Trek characters can not be killed...ever...unless they are soon resurected...if it is Far in the future it is possible to reference that they used to be alive but you are not allowed to describe the manner of their death...It's the law.

*Spock springs back to his feet cuz he wasnt really dead*
DR. McCoy says "thank god she shot him in his hard Vulcan head".

And swarms of Trekkies decend upon Agent Smith and pummel her to little bits for breaking the Star Trek writer's Prime Directive...i.e...the "Don't kill the main characters law"... then they sweep the bits of Agent Smith up into a dust bin and toss her remains into the brig of a little used science vessel bound for the galaxy edge.

[agentsmith]

your last post is VOID because I didnt kill him. take it up with the happy couple in the closet.

[Coffee]

Originally posted by agentsmith
your last post is VOID because I didnt kill him. take it up with the happy couple in the closet.

Your wrote the lines...you are the author...you are to blame...

Don't try to foist the blame onto your "characters"

enjoy your trip to the galaxy edge.

[agentsmith]

then may i also enforce the same law? you too killed off a main character...ME! enjoy your trip to the galaxy's edge.

[Perky Pat]

can someone let me out of here please?

[Coffee]

omg...YOUR RIGHT
Zemonkeys descend upon Coffee and throw him into a wood chipper then toss his bits into an ajoining brig next to Agent Smith.
Our little bits fight and argue alll the way to the great barrier at the galactic edge...then we fight all the way back while reasembling ourselves.

the crew of the science vessel NCC1212D the "FedUp" gratefully dump Agent Smith and Coffee out of an airlock and they fall bickering the entire way to the surface of the earth...where they land on an enourmous airbag set up for the world's greatest stunt...to the dismay of the stunt crew who have just given the order for there stunt guy to leap out of an airplane...he will find a deflated bag about 5 minutes later when He lands.

Realizing their luck...they stop fighting...back slowly away from each other...and head back to the movie set they are supposed to be working at.

[Coffee]

Perky Pat uses the opportunity to slip out the door while Agent and Coffee sneak back onto the movie set.

[agentsmith]

*applause*


and no, perky, you will never leave the closet! arent you enjoying the sodomy?

[agentsmith]

*red alert*

teams of jrockers are sent to look for perky and drag him back, but they are too busy discussing handcuff quality and do not see him anywhere.

[Perky Pat]

mmmmmmffff... broomhandles are everywhere in here....

[agentsmith]

..........;)

[Coffee]

*burp*

I mean
*bump*

no...I think I do mean
*burp*
One post.
My work here today is done.
:)

[Klynne]

Up, up, up, you go!!!!

[catbelly]

Agent and Coffee eye each other warily, not really sure if they should love or hate each other after going through such an intense personal ordeal together. Coffee has had enough, and turns to go. Agent watches him leaving, and suddenly, with a look of surprise and recognition, says

"Wait!"

Coffee turns quickly and looks at her, waiting for an attack.

"I thought you lost your bionic arse in that accident," Agent spluttered. "Why do you have an arse now, and such a nice, shapely, familiar looking one??? What is GOING ON!?"

Coffee pats himself on the butt and feels an unfamiliar roundness under his sweaty palms. "oh my god ... Agent ... somehow when our molecules and bits reorganized themselves, I ended up with your patootie!"

Agent is aghast at this news. She checks her own anatomy and realizes that, indeed, her arse is missing.

Klynne strolls in with Catbelly, they are on their way back from the bar where they have been listening to super 80's metal all night. Their hair is enormous and they are wearing matching outfits a la girls in Motley Crue videos.

"Catbelly, Klynne, you have to help us ... Agent and I ... our arses have been switched by cosmic forces!" Coffee falls on their corseted, pushed-up 80's bosoms and weeps.

"WHAT?" yells Klynne, "I CAN'T HEAR YOU!" she adjusts her bustier and wipes off the vinyl where Coffee's tears are pooling in the rivet-dimples.

"YOU HAVE TO TALK LOUDER, COFFEE, WE'VE BEEN OUT AT THE BAR," shouts Catbelly. "HEY MAN WHAT ARE YOU DOING, TRYING TO FEEL US UP??" She removes Coffee's hand from her spandex-clad butt and helps him to sit down in a chair.

Coffee tries to recover his composure but is unsuccessful. Perky Pat was going to high-tail it for the border but he is moved by the situation and brings Coffee a rye & water. "Sorry man," he says, "that's all we have around here - those damn JRockers drank everything else."

Agent is furious. She has lost her arse and feels left out of the nurturing. Klynne and Catbelly notice, however, and bring her out for round 2 of the nighttime shenanigans, which, they promise, will involve men with lots of makeup and hair like roosters. Agent is happy once again but wonders what life will be like without an arse.

[Klynne]

Up to the top...........

[agentsmith]

good news, everyone!


i visited the arse shop down the lane, where i purchased my old one so long ago. and guess who i ran into! it was...

[catbelly]

...Christina Aguilera!

"hey Agent," she said seductively, "you probably recognize me, but I bet you didn't know that I post at the Ze boards as ....

[Klynne]

Dinzdale! How are you doing lover?"

[catbelly]

"Lover! Oh puh-lease!" said Agent, waving her hand dismissively. "you don't wear nearly enough makeup!"

"fine, AGNES, be that way" says dinz/christina, flouncing out the door and accidentally flashing her left boob.

[funkytuba]

Dinz/christina sotto voce behind the counter to Coffee/arse store salesperson. "Ok, the coast is clear. Give me my 45% of what she unwittingly paid to get her own arse back"

Coffee/ASS indingantly replies "hell no! I needed that ass for the SCA* convention coming up. Elves can't just go around assless, you know... just look at Legolass!"


* Society for Creative Anacronism

[agentsmith]

indeed, asses are crucial to the elven physique.

[Coffee]

Yes Agent, you are correct...so important that many Elven words relate to the concept of Ass.

"Legol" for instance means 'tight and shapely'. Thus "Legolas" needs no further defining.

The word Rivendale itself is derived from the elvish "Rive" meaning 'crack' or 'stream' and "dale" is directly from the Elvish 'dalle' (Seat or Comfy place to sit)...hence Rivendale (or more correctly... Rive 'n Dale ) could be interpreted correctly as either 'Seat of the River' or 'Crack of the Ass'.

It is no wonder Coffee is despondent at losing so suddenly the fine and wonderous ass that he had only so newly aquired. His Elven spirit is diminished by it's loss. If only his human coffee bills had not been so high he would not have had to pawn the ass back to Agent.

Damn you Agent and your fine fine ass.

Coffee's only consolation is the fact that he liberally sprinkled itching powder all over the ass before selling it back to Agent Smith.
Its a petty revenge...butt what the heck.

[agentsmith]

AI! *scratches ass frantically*

[Perkina]

auntie agnes, please can i call you "auntie agnes"? you've got to admit it sounds pretty good. please? :)

[Coffee]

Omg...what is this child doing on the set?

(Thank god Agent is busy scratching her ass or poor little Perkina might have found itself in a closet trying to fight of nasty immoral Jrockers)

now you shoo you cute lil button you. This is no place for younguns.

*Coffee takes perkina to lost and found*
*reminds perkina that "Auntie Agnes" is not herself on this set and can be dangerous in her Agent Smith/Do not reply role*

[agentsmith]

Agent a.k.a. Auntie Agnes was far too busy scratching her butt to hear or reply to the bastard son of perky/jack and malina/jack's wife, but Miyavi a.k.a. the buttf*ck queen did.

suddenly, he appeared behind perkina and

[catbelly]

said, "is your daddy trying to get rid of you? doesn't he know that's illegal? and where are your siblings, French Pressman and Filtah?"

Perkina eyed him with disdain .... was he making fun of her name, or was there something to his story?? Was Coffee really her long lost DAD?!

[Coffee]

Impossible.

Coffee AKA 24th century man still has his trilithium powered birth control device in place...the power supply will function for over 300 years...so...no...Perkina can not be my child.

Not that Coffee would'nt be overjoyed to have such a sweet and lovely child such as Perkina. But alas, untill he gets back to the 24th century and has the device transported out of his penis he is unable to bear children.

hmm...that is...i'm pretty sure if got put back after putting all my bits together...hmmm...I did end up with Agent's ass though.

*touches himself "there"*
EEEEK. My device is Goooooonnnnnnneeeee....and so is my penis.

Agent smith has Coffee's penis with a 24th century trilithium power supply.

EEEEEEEEEEKKKKKKKK.

[Klynne]

*At first, Agent is dismayed that she is the proud new owner of Coffee's penis. Then, she is delighted that she does not have to sit down to pee anymore, and can write trite sayings in the snow (sorry, not real snow, fake snow, they are on a movie set after all). Coffee dearly misses his penis, but Agent refuses to give it back*

[catbelly]

... because Kakihara and Miyavi suddenly can't get enough of her. Agent is tied up 24/7 with these bad boys. She is kicked out of school and is fired from her job at Krispy Kreme. She is seen out in parking lots, trying to hide behind dumpsters but still they find her, driving by with that crazy music blasting from the 70's wood-paneled bubble-window welded-chain-steering-wheel pimp van with a jrocker airbrushed on the side. They peel rubber after they toss her in the back, and head off for parts unknown.

[agentsmith]

hahahahahahahahah thanks for the penis coffee.

[Coffee]

Hey Agent...I just realized that I have something I'd like to get off of my chest *wink, wink*...care to trade?

[agentsmith]

AIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!!!!!!!!!!!

*clutches chest*

i would, but miyavi would be so dissapointed.....
http://miyavi.free.fr/galerie/Miyabi34.jpg

[Coffee]

Awww, Fvck miyavi !

No...wait...don't...not with my....

*Coffee faints*

[agentsmith]

MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

too late, coffee!!!!! i already have! THOUSANDS of times.....in fact, you may have a rash...

[Coffee]

Sorry I keep passing out.
Agent, I have actually been trying to warn you that the 24th century birth control device does not work like "normal" 20/21rst century BCD's...this one functions both by preventing viable reproductive cells from being released... but also the 24th century BCD has the effect of reducing the wearer's libido if over used (since this particular device was specifically intended for a star ship captain who is not supposed to be boinking all the lady ensigns and thereby getting "attached" to crew members that he might have to occasionaly send to planets on away missions to possibly die at the hands of gruesome aliens (( Ensign expendables )) ). Since you have used it thousands of times in such a short span of time...I'm afraid (laughing actually) to tell you that you will not be able to have sex for aproximately 15 years or more.

Now how bout that trade Agent?...I'm getting sick of having to sit down to pee, although I have been enjoying fondling your breasts...heh....and you know you will never get your job back at Krispy Kremes without breasts...the only reason they hired you in the first place.
If you trade without a fuss...I'll be sure, next time that ship of mine comes back, to get the doctor to give you an antidote for the side effects of over using the BCD.

And no worries about rashes...the BCD also prevents STDS and diseases of all kinds. Still though, I will have to wash the penis thoroughly after getting it back...just to remove the psychological residue.

-----------------------------------------------------------------

p.s. Remindes me of a quote I heard from a pretty funny character I knew during my military days: " hey...it's my dick and my soap...I can wash it as much as I want."

[agentsmith]

oh dear oh dear oh dear..coffee, im afraid that you have been..................................FOILED AGAIN! my uberass (fresh from the shop) protects me from any and all libido decreasing side effects............................however, i do miss my boobs.

[Coffee]

Damn...foiled again

http://www.sweetmarias.com/goldfoilbag.8oz.pre.jpg
http://wunpgh01.web.pitdc1.stargate.net/~fortunes/coffee/private3.gif

[Aphrodite]

For Coffee:
http://www.palaces.org/armor_and_weapons/FLORETE167.jpg

Here's a better choice in foils for you.

Fight for your manhood!

[catbelly]

she has your number, my friend

[nycwriters]

Originally posted by agentsmith
AIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!!!!!!!!!!!

*clutches chest*

i would, but miyavi would be so dissapointed.....
http://miyavi.free.fr/galerie/Miyabi34.jpg


Ya know, I'm a little alarmed at how closely this person resembles my friend Jodi. (hint: not the one with the red hair).....

[Coffee]

Originally posted by Aphrodite
For Coffee:
http://www.palaces.org/armor_and_weapons/FLORETE167.jpg

Here's a better choice in foils for you.


Armed with a very nice tool for liberating "the tool", gift from a goddess no less, Coffee deftly removes his property from Agent with a quick lunge. (Damn...it sure feels pretty odd to be cutting my own dink off, even if it is from someone elses body).

Drops it in a cooler filled with dry ice and rushes to nearest surgeon for re-attachment.
(has extra chest removed at same time and stores them in locked Ice Chest)

Sooooo...Agent...How much am I offered for a cool pair of breasts?
Since you refused to honorably trade....It better be a very good offer.

Ha...Now it is thou that art Foiled Agent....mwuhahahahaha!!!

[catbelly]

Coffee rushed into emergency carrying his "little playmate" cooler.

http://store4.yimg.com/I/wfp_1780_8586134

Dr. Catbelly greeted him just inside the sliding doors. "Why, Coffee, I haven't seen you since you broke off your big toe that time - you know, when you fell down those stairs after that incident with the lawn chair! What can I do you for?"

Coffee showed off his prize and Dr. Catbelly's mouth dropped open.

[agentsmith]

AAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIYAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! although, to be honest, my groin was really getting sore from all that thrusting and such. god, once you have a penis, those guys never leave ya alone...


hmm.......i would like my tits back........i can see its gonna cost me....or rather......ITS GONNA COST YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

the agent lunges at coffee, who drops his rapier in surprise. then who should show up but.........ZORRO!

[Coffee]

ahhh...looks like my tool was in very good hands.

Hey...looks like Catbelly even added an inch..whooo hooo.

Oh...no...just post-op swelling....or, perhaps I reallllllly like my surgeon?
:D

[Coffee]

Eeeek.

Zorro.

Nevertheless, I have a goddess sent foil to counter your Zorro threat.

Lunge, Parry, lunge, parry.
Zorro and Coffee thrust, block and counter thrust like an Errol Flynn pirate movie. Zorro is astonished that his swordsmanship is not enought to beat this unexpected foe.
Aphrodite's foil truly gives Coffee the edge.
Zorro retreats with a large C cut into the front and back fabric of his tunic.

Coffee sheaths his foil and waits for Agent's next desparate move.

[catbelly]

Dr. Catbelly has been waiting patiently in the wings, lil playmate in hand, waiting for the duel to end. She watches the back and forth, back and forth, thrusting and dancing and grunting and thrusting some more ... she wonders .... how does it happen that a man like that, so strong and quick, is named after a beverage?

"tall, dark, and hot, ma'am," he whispered huskily into her ear, still breathing heavily from his exertions during the duel "tall. dark. and. hot."

Dr. Catbelly is overcome and falls to the floor, leaving her assistant, Big Ivan, to reattach Coffee's dink.

[agentsmith]

ok.......ill send....INIGO MONTOYA!!!!!!!!!


*you killed my father, prepare to die*

[Klynne]

*After the orderlies break up the fight, both Agent and Coffee are rushed off to surgery. There is a huge mixup. Dr. Ivan, is a little mixed up, (well, he and Dr. Catbelly received their doctorates from MIT....) and he sews Coffee's penis on his forehead. Agent's boobs are sewn on her back....*

[agentsmith]

aaaaaiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiyyyaaaaaaaaa... .................................

*goes to dr. catbelly and has her screw em on right*

[catbelly]

"Sorry, sorry, ever so sorry about the mixup ... damn, Ivan and I should know not to operate when 'Wonder Woman' re-runs are on .... " Dr. Catbelly rights the wrongs and whatnot, although she lingers over the penis-on-forehead placement and wonders if that might not have been a nobel-prize-winning stroke of genius on the part of Big Ivan.

Agent, happy to be restored to her former state, regains her job at Krispy Kreme and stops returning Miyavi's calls. Kakihara is still interesting to her but Agent lays down the law - no more kidnapping! - and makes him come with her for Sunday dinner at the 'rents. He wears a tie and brings flowers and looks very cute.

Klynne, while at the hospital waiting to see Agent and Coffee, is chatted up by Inigo Montoya. It is looooooove at first sight ... they disappear into one of the unused wards and don't come out for a month.

[Coffee]

Coffee is stoked to have his own sword back...plus a new "Excaliber" class sword from Aphrodite.

[Klynne]

*Klynne and Inigo stumble out of the ward. Klynne is a little bow legged after the whole ordeal, but no worse for the wear. They exchange cell phone numbers and part ways. Klynne was inspired by her month with Inigo, and has a new idea for a movie. She finds Agent, Coffee, and Catbelly in the hospital cafeteria*

"Klynne, where have you been?" asks Catbelly.

"Never, mind that," Klynne says as she realizes her pants are inside out, "I was busy. I have an idea for a blockbuster film. It won't be scripted, totally ad libbed by the cast and crew."

They look at her skeptically....

[catbelly]

... but excitedly, because if Klynnes freshly farked appearance is any indicator, this movie is going to be HOTT!!

"So, what is this about, then?" says Coffee, thoroughly licking the filling out of a boston creme doughnut.

"yes, I'm interested in what you are thinking of," says Agent, devouring a stack of hot dogs with extra mustard.

"Who will be starring in this masterpiece?" asks Catbelly, who has only bottled water on her tray but is dreaming of something more substantial.

"Well let me tell you," says Klynne, hooking her thumbs in her belt. "It's ......

[Klynne]

going to be a story about a group of cult members. They follow this man, who does strange funky dance moves. His second in command is a cat named Annie. Other than that, I am not quite sure where to take the story. Except, the real beauty of the movie is there is no script...What do you think?"

*Agent rolls her eyes* "Klynne, I think it sucks."

[catbelly]

"oh! OH!" yells Coffee, "could it be sort of like 'Welcome Back Kotter'?" he wiggles in his chair, and tosses the ravished boston creme aside.

Agent buries her head in her hands. "These people, they are the least hip people EVER, I SWEAR!" She lets out an enormous hot-dog-scented belch, scaring naughty bird and setting off a car alarm.

Klynne is unimpressed with the reactions but impressed with the belch.

Catbelly is contemplating whether she should get a hot dog too but is unsure of the ramifications.

Suddenly there is a whistling sound that quickly turns into an unbearable keening noise. Something crashes through the roof and the ZeMonkeys gasp in horror:

It is the return of

MECHKA-TUBA

All are in awe.

[Klynne]

*Agent looks at Mechka Tuba, totally unimpressed, as everyone else runs in terror. Catbelly takes advantage of the ensuing mayhem and snags a free hot dog from the snack bar*

"You, again?" Agent looks at the giant Mechka Tuba with disdain, " You're dead meat."

*Mechka Tuba advances towards Agent, who is calmly applying a fresh coat of black nail polish on her right pinky nail*

[Coffee]

MECHKA TUBA says in a squeeky voice...

I hope you have a part in your new picture for me...I'm trying to break back into the hollywood scene but ever since talkies came out I have'nt been able to get a job. I'm certain if I could get a good role in your film, producers and directors willl overlook my less than awesome voice and cut me some slack and hire me again. You may remember me in old Japenese Monster films...course you english speaking folks would not have heard my actual voice as they dubbed a deap voice onto my character.

Please please please can I act in your movie..please please please!!!!

[agentsmith]

"humph," scoffs agent, "i dont doubt your acting skills, but theres one thing and one thing only that will get you ahead in this buisness....*points to broom closet, where miyavi stands, flashing mechka tuba and making kissing noises*

[Coffee]

Meckha Tuba sighs and says "at least the closets here have a bit more head room than the "casting closets" in Japan did. However, I have to warn you Miyavi, I am similarly proportioned "there" as I am everywhere else, and with my multi headed power attachements & nuclear power source...you may not survive this experience."

Mechka Tuba trundles off to the broom closet.

Coffee and Catbelly both gasp and shout "NOOOOOOO...Stay out of the closet...."
But it is too late. The door closes and grinding, screeching and pounding noises are heard. Miyavi begins shrieking in horible pain...but the noises just escalate in volume drowning out Miyavi.
A puddle of vaguely Miyavi colored substance begins to leak under the closet door.
The noises eventually end and the door crashes open and Meckha Tuba emerges, clears his throat and out booms a deep reverberating voice...Oh my, so all I needed was a good oiling...my voice, my beautiful deep voice is back...and it only cost a mere Miyavi. To think it was just rust that caused this squeeky voice problem to develop from me being the one getting "done" by the Japanese directors and casting agents...Damn them anyhow."

Miyavi is reduced to a puddle of molten slag. Mechka Tuba is restored. The janitor closet has been reduced to rubble inside so there will be no more "casting" activity in that particular closet again. Thus the Q dimension is apparently safe thanks to Meckha Tuba.

Coffee and Catbelly head off to get some cups of strong espresso and a couple of creme donuts to celebrate the unexpected victory of the Q dimension. Agent smith kneels over Miyavi's remains and crys at the loss of such a beautiful jrocker.

Suddenly, Agent Smith has a thought, and gives Meckha Tuba a look and asks him "how would you feel about wearing make up and girly clothes Meckha? I have this role in mind for you...."

[agentsmith]

however, when Mecka Tuba turns around to pick up his script from the floor, agent pulls the chainsaw out of retirement and renders mechka tuba into a pile of bolts and screws.

dr. catbelly pours miyavi in a bucket and rushes off to surgery.

[Klynne]

*Dr. Catbelly walks out of surgery, and takes her surgical mask off*

Agent asks eagerly "How did it go Doc?"

Catbelly looks as if she is gathering her thoughts and says "Well, it could have gone better and it could have gone worse. Lets go see my Myavi in recovery."

[funkytuba]

Dr. Catbelly walks into the recovery room, revealing a curtained-off bed from behind which is emanating a pulsating wheezy grinding metallic whine. She turns to face the assembled monkeys and with a dramatic gesture, whisks back the curtain.

The group gasps in horror. There, up on blocks is what appears to be a hideous combination of the two.
A MECHKA-MIYAVI-TUBA

"The trauma poor Miyavi underwent was not purely physical in nature. The powers of Mechka Tuba took their toll in dimensions other than those apparent to mere humans. So to save her, I had to comingle her essence with Mechka-Tuba's elan (and parts, as you can see) to sacrifice the one so that both could live on.... and stuff."

[catbelly]

Agent is heartbroken yet strangely intrigued by this fearsome bastard marriage of science and pop culture.

"Miyavi?" she whispered, voice trembling, "Miyavi?" then her eyes grew steely and she screeched, "MIYAVI YOU FARKING BEYATCH!"

MECHKA-MIYAVI-TUBA slowly levered himself to his feet, joints groaning and squeaking, and finally stood upright. "Where is my eyeliner?" he murmured plaintively. "My hairspray?"

[funkytuba]

Coffee winks knowingly at Klynne and Dr Kittytummy. "We're going to have to rebuild the closet, I think... and make it a weensy bit bigger."

[agentsmith]

Originally posted by funkytuba

So to save her, I had to comingle her essence with Mechka-Tuba's elan (and parts, as you can see) to sacrifice the one so that both could live on.... and stuff."

miyavi is a guy you silly tit. seeing as how you're fused together you should have noticed that by now.;)

[funkytuba]

Dr Catbelly gets an amused look on her face. "Well Agent... you haven't been reading your Japanese tabloids. Turns out Miyavi's uh... well... an It. I know. Having just gotten out of surgery, I've seen first hand what was going on down there. All the rumors were true."

[agentsmith]

"my my my" croons agent, running up to mechka miyavi and ripping of his pants.

[Coffee]

Agent screams in pain as she realizes her mistake.

Meckha miyavi tuna's pants are now made of pure Duranium Titanium Steel...Her hands are bleediing profusely, and all the muscles in her arms have just been sprained badly.

Coffee, Catbelly, and Klynne look at Agent Smith and in unison say
"Duh!!!"

Fortunately she is in an emergency room...

[catbelly]

Dr. Catbelly is overworked and underpaid! Who knew the ZeMonkeys were such an accident / violence - prone bunch?!

Catbelly mutters under her breath as she attends to the Agent ... "kids these days ... mechka tubas ... farking jrockers in the closet ... need a drink ..."

Suddenly Kakihara appears, Agent's screams having attracted him. He is so smitten with the Agent that he has remade himself into the ideal boyfriend. His hair has been slicked down with Brylcream, he is wearing plaid pants and a Polo golf shirt, he is wearing Old Spice and loafers. He is carrying a bouquet of flowers.

Agent spies him and screams once more.

[agentsmith]

omg catbelly you made me laugh so much!


p.s. he did wear plaid pants in the movie(it was part of his pjs tho)

[catbelly]

Originally posted by agentsmith
omg catbelly you made me laugh so much!

My work here is done :)

[Coffee]

Originally posted by catbelly
My work here is done :)

;) Don't count on it Dr Belly ;)

[funkytuba]

yeah, this thread is constantly hanging by a ... well, a filament, anyway.

[agentsmith]

SHUT UP YOU! *tries to tackle mechka miyavi tuba but only succeeds in getting a massive internal hemmorhage*

[Coffee]

this thread is a filament of our imaginations.




Dr. Catbelly is considering signing the Agent up for the medical equivalent of a frequent flyer miles plan...but...naaaa...that would give the Agent a discounted rate...and those swanky and expensive leather pants she saw yesterday in the store window just looked to cool for school. Full price for the Agent.

[agentsmith]

agent tries to complain and demand a rate change, but she is currently vomiting blood and decides it might be unwise to speak.

[catbelly]

"Agent, Agent, are you OK? Honey?" Kakihara brings Agent some ginger ale and an oatmeal cookie that he swiped from Coffee. "do you want me to rub your back?"

"What the fark are you doing wearing Old Spice, you idiot? I loved you when you were a ruthless killing machine, not Beaver farking Cleaver! WHERE IS THE MAN I FELL IN LOVE WITH!?"

Kakihara is heartbroken, he feels that Agent does not appreciate his efforts to be the best boyfriend he can be for her ... a tear comes to his eye and he wipes it away with a monogrammed Tommy Hilfiger hankie before it can fall on his immaculate JP Tod loafers. "But Agent, I thought we had something special, something deeper than my homicidal behaviour ... tell me I wasn't imagining things, baby ... tell me you still feel the way you did that night in the jrocker pimp van ... "

"I was bound and gagged, you freak! What are you talking about! You are being such a ... such a ..."

Suddenly out of the wreckage of the closet, who should emerge but Dr. Phil. "clearly we have a communication issue here," he said, adjusting his track suit. "you need to align your expectations of each other if you're to go forward. Is that what you want, to go forward?" Agent and Kakihara look uncomfortable but they nod in agreement.

"Kakihara, look at Agent. Tell her how you feel." Kakihara is too overcome to speak. "It's OK Kakihara. Let it out. Own your feelings. Be in the moment. Just let yourself feel. We can start with Agent." Dr. Phil turns to Agent and takes her hands in his. "Agent, look at Kakihara. Tell him how you feel."

As Kakihara sees Dr. Phil touch the love of his life, a strange and unsettling expression creeps over his face. His eyes, previously so wet and cowlike from emotion, start to burn with an inhumanly cold and animal-like intensity. "AIEEEEEEEEEEIEEEEIIIIIEEEEE" he screamed, launching himself at the terrified psychiatrist. "AuuuuAAAAAAAUuuuuuauuaAAAAAAGGGGgggggHHHHH!!! "

[agentsmith]

LOL omg catbelly you did it again!

[Coffee]

Belly laughs!!!

[agentsmith]

Dr. Phil has had a sharpened knitting needle skewered all the way through his brain.

[catbelly]

"That is SUCH a good look for you, Dr. Phil!" says Agent, linking arms with her sweetie and hopping into the jrocker pimp van.

Kakihara has ditched the pseudo preppy clothing and is sitting on the wooden-bead seat cover dressed only in something that looks suspiciously like Beale's purple speedo. He has manipulated his brylcreamed hair to resemble devil horns.

He and Agent peel out and disappear into the sunset.

[agentsmith]

as the zemonkeys peer out into the distance, they can barely see a purple speedo being tossed out the car window.

[funkytuba]

you mean like
<img src=http://www.zefrank.com/bulletin/attachment.php?s=&postid=126003>
this one?


MECHKA-MIYAVI-TUBA
clots in horror! The nerve of those reckless lovebirds.

LITTERERS!!! AFTER THEM! AFTER THEM!AFTER THEM!

MECHKA-MIYAVI-TUBA leads the charge in hot pursuit.
Coffee and Catbelly don leathers and hop onto their waiting Mad Max-style choppers. Klynne hops into a levitating gondola, with Ze at the stern poling away with his 6 ft "pen". Zenbabe herds her rented Beverly Hillbillies truck into the chase with all her worldly posessions loosely attached, a cloud of funny hats disappearing in the wake turbulence.

[agentsmith]

and then, who else should join in the chase but the dukes of hazzard!!!!!

[agentsmith]

heres a commemorative mechkamiyavituba thingamagig.

[funkytuba]

Bo and Luke in their classic '64 Charger, though the hood now sports a different flag following last tuesday's elections in Ga. Daisy and Uncle Jesse in their otherwise nondescript jeep, Cooter in his pickup all followed "in hot pursuit" by Enos and Roscoe in '70s police cars and Boss Hogg in the convertible white cadillac...

But wait! Bo and Luke look an awful like Perky and Rune! Daisy's the spitting image of Magpie, Uncle Jesse's a twin of MoN, Cooter's switched genders and resembles Audrey, Enos and Roscoe call to mind Frieda and Beale, respectively, and Dinz is the one wearing Boss Hogg's white suit.

[funkytuba]

For those of you confused by this vaguely obscure reference to late-'70s early '80s Friday night American TV. Here's a link to The Dukes of Hazzard (http://www.dukefarm.com/main.html)

[Klynne]

Agent looks in the rear view mirror, and sees that that Bo and Luke are in hot pursuit. She looks over at Kakihara, and even though Kaihara is back to "normal", she realizes this relationship is going no where fast.

"Stop the car!" Agent commands.

Kakihara obeys, he knows better than to mess with Agent.

"You were great in the sack and everything, but we are finished now." Kakihara begins to sob.

Agent gets out of the car, and gets in the General Lee with Bo and Luke.

"Hey boys, hows it hanging?" she asks.

[agentsmith]

when they reply, letting their gaurds down, she blows both their heads off with one shot from her jrocker uzi (borrowed from mechka miyavi just hours before).

[funkytuba]

Bo/Perk and Duke/Rune 's heads fly off as one would generally expect them to, but as they land, something... odd... happens.

They both appear to melt into liquid form, then slither back to their bodies reforming themselves into proper head shape.

"Nice try, agent. But we all know that The Dukes live on on TNN." smirks an amused Coffee, as he and Dr Catbelly seem to have abandoned their motorcycles and are getting it on with Klynne in the gondola.

[Coffee]

And just in time too...as who should appear but Ponch and Jon from "CHiPs".

They gnash their teeth in frustration at just missing Catbelly and Coffee and collecting there speeding ticket debts. Klynne tells Ze to get his pen paddling and the gondola streaks into the sky.

Ponch and Jon look around....and who do they spot but Agent Smith standing there with an Uzi in her hands, they dive behind their way overweight slow and poor handling (but fortunately because of all that) bullet proof CHP Harleys and open fire on Agent Smith....

[Klynne]

Ze and Klynne encounter the star treck enterprise and are beamed into the ship. Spock sedates them, and takes them into a room for exploratory surgery.

Agent, Ponch and Jon are at a stalemate. Agent decides to throw them off by flashing her breasts. Ponch and Jon are fighting over who gets to take her out to dinner.

Who shows up but Cagney and Lacey! They are looking for Coffee and Catbelly. The studio is having them investigated for their alleged embezzlement of film productiion funds.

[Coffee]

Spock and Doctor McCoy come out of surgery with grim looks on their faces.

"It is as we feared Ji...I mean Coffee" Spock says noticing Catbelly standing nearby.
"That's right JIM" The Doctor interupts with a disdainfull look at Spock "Our tests have conclusively proved that Klynne is in fact a Master Puppeteer from the World of Ptaavs. The Ze creature is nothing more than a mindless drone completely under Klynne's sway." "And Spock, we never told you that everyone but you were informed that Catbelly is actually from the Q dimension"..."no need to pretend Jim is other than what he is...an UNDERNOURISHED (eat something Jim dammit) star ship captain on special assignment in the past.

"Regardless Doctor" Spock replies, "it is imperitive that we do not let on to Klynne that we are aware of her identity. She may have accomplices down there that would be tipped off by her dissapearence...you were wise to beam them directly into a stasis chamber for our tests, she will not remember that she was aboard nor will she be aware that we are aware of her identity".

For God's sake man...do you need to use so many words to say...'Don't tell Klynne we are on to her, there may be more puppeteers down there!"!

"hmm...yes...your emotional outbursts do sometimes get to the point a bit quicker...nevertheless logic dictates that we should fully inform the captain of.."

Everyone yells..."SHUT UP SPOCK!!"

So be safe down there Jim...we are counting on seeing you again soon and in one piece.

Coffee/Jim, Catbelly/Q , and Klynne/Ze drone are transported back onto the gondola and the orgy commences again with Coffee and Catbelly kind of sorta sticking to there own side of the gondolla after that.

Cagney and Lacey ignore the Agent Jon Ponch argument since Agent appears to have put both of the CHiPs into a headlock and seems to have that situation well in hand. Instead they shoot holes into the bottom of the Gondola and manage to puncture a Ptavv Grav line and the alien vehicle slowly begins to descend to the ground no matter how fast Ze paddles his pen.

[Klynne]

The gondola slams down to earth. Coffee, Catbelly, Klynne and Ze are thrown violently out of the boat. Coffee and Agent try to stand and Lacey draws her weapon, "Freeze mother farkers, put your hands over your head."

"Calm down Lacey," Cagney says.

"I have had enough of your shvt," Lacey says as she turns her gun towards Cagney, "you have been a pain in my ass ever since our show was taken out of syndication."

Coffee, Catbelly, Klynne and Ze take advantage of Cagney and Lacey's show down and run off to the nearest strip club. Meanwhile, Agent has rendered Ponch and Jon unconsious. She strips off Jon's uniform and tries it on.

"Oooohhh, I love uniforms." Agent mutters. She takes Jon and Ponch's guns, and rides off into the sunset on Jon's police motorcycle.

Klynne, Ze, Catbelly, and Coffee are sitting in the strip club downing vodka martinis, and getting lap dances from Red Princess.

"This is great, I wish Agent were here, she would love this!" says Klynne.

Catbelly and Coffee eye Klynne with suspicion. Klynne is confused, and a little drunk.

"Can you explain something to me? Where have I been for the past two hours?" Klynne asks.

[Coffee]

Coffee replies to Klynne.

"uhhh...time flies when you're having fun???"

[catbelly]

"Er, we just came back from Our Lady of Perpetual Help, where we were singing songs and making decorations out of paper mache for the 'passion of christ' costume ball," said Coffee.

Ze kicked him under the table, convinced that Klynne could see through such a transparent tale. Fortunately for Coffee, Klynne, aka the master puppeteer, suffered from Ptavv Cheap Date Syndrome, aka low alcohol tolerance. "Oh, OK, I remember that," she slurred. "Where is the biffy in this joint? I must pee before taking over the universe ... er I mean, before I get another lap dance."

Mechcka-Miyavi-Tuba was taking a turn at the centre pole. Due to the lower coefficient of friction of his mechanized parts he was able to do that whirlybird manoeuvre around the pole with amazing speed. The ZeMonkeys were hypnotized by his grace, flexibility and fake tan.

Catbelly went in search of a band-aid and some polysporin for those delicate areas that got stuck to the side of the gondola. On her way out she gave Ponch a noogie just for the hell of it. He was reading an academic-looking volume titled, "the horniness of our youth today." It fell out of his hands when Catbelly noogied him and landed on a tiny bug, mashing it to a jelly. Little did any of the ZeMonkeys realize that the bug was in fact ....

[Klynne]

(someone has been reading all the threads tonight...Hehehe)

[funkytuba]

Originally posted by catbelly
Little did any of the ZeMonkeys realize that the bug was in fact ....
... Still. Alive.

Except for Dr Catbelly who, thanks to reductions in ZeMonkiCare reimbursements, was looking to reduce the amount of expensive operations necessary for the crew.

"Hmm... This bug seems to be well-nigh indestructible."

She smashed it a couple of times with her fist, then with her chair, then she called MECHKA-MIYAVI-TUBA over.

"Hey MMT, try your best to kill this bug."

MMT took careful aim, reached out into the Qßß dimension and unleashed a dreadful volley of übër-mësönïc-hÿpërphötöns

Nothing. Happened. to the bug... but a town 59km away was rendered sterile and toothless.

[agentsmith]

its time for agent to use....voooooooooooodoooooooooooooo, voooooooooooooooooooooooooodddddddddddddoooooooooo oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!

i love that song.


hehe...time to make use of all those classes i took in n'orleans.

[funkytuba]

Agent, still on topic, makes an innocuous-sounding and neutral statement, in yet another attempt to kill the thread.

The rest of the ZeMonkeys see what she's doing and chime in with vigor and aplomb to thwart her thread-killing aspirations.

[funkytuba]

I saaaaid....



The rest of the ZeMonkeys see what she's doing and chime in with vigor and aplomb to thwart her thread-killing aspirations.

[catbelly]

Catbelly takes her fingers out of her ears and realizes that Agent has stopped singing that damn song. "Whew!" she sighed. "What was UP with that?!"

Agent, dressed now in her voodoo attire and therefore more appropriately called Maman Agnesault, guts a chicken with an ebony-handled stiletto she lifted from Kakihara's collection of wicked weapons. "Ahhh .... le bug ... le bug .... ahhh j'ai vu cette bug dans mon Miroir Mauvais ... THIS IS NO BUG mes cheres ZeMonkeys, c'est un DIABLESSE de l'avenir!!"

She screams in horror at her discovery that the bug is actually a devil woman from the future ... and the bug, having had its cover blown, leaps from Mechka-Miyavi-Tuba's grasp, hovers in the air in a pulsating black, green, and yellow aura and proclaims, in a broad Jamaican accent, "I an' I come to right de wraaangs a' mi faarbears, h'an' 'im 'oo try stap mi gwine feel de might a' mi strent and will!"

Coffee, as a result of having drunk so many cups of Jamaican Blue Mountain in his lifetime, is able to translate: "she says, 'I have come to right the wrongs of my forebears, and he who tries to stop me is going to feel the might of my strength and will!' "

The ZeMonkeys wait with bated breath to see exactly who and what the Diablesse is referring to.

[agentsmith]

the zemonkeys ponder this when suddenly jesustitties the killer shows up!

[catbelly]

He is wearing a spray-on latex outfit and looks to be ready for anything.

"Klynne, I'm here, and I have made reservations at the Motel 6," he said.

La Diablesse looked him up and down (at least her aura bobbed as though she was checking him out). "Lawdamassy, 'oo 'im deh?" the aura pulsed more black than green/gold. "Ah weh 'im pants, nuh? Dis be babylon?"

[funkytuba]

Originally posted by catbelly
"Ah weh 'im pants, nuh? Dis be babylon?"


LOVING the gullah here.

[catbelly]

Agent jumps up, shedding her Voodoo Queen attire and revealing a tight black outfit a la Trinity from the Matrix. "Jesustitties you asshat! Are you ripping off Ichi the Killer or what! Don't you know, Kakihara will come LOOKING for you?! Do you know what that MEANS?? Do I have to explain EVERYTHING to EVERYBODY all the TIME?!"

JT shrugged, his latex outfit showcasing every movement. "Ah, who gives a sh!t. Kakihara is a poser. It's Klynne I'm interested in ... where is she, anyway? Motel 6 waits for no man, and neither does jesustitties!"

"erm... " Mechka-Miyavi-Tuba broke in, "I saw her with Coffee ... they were talking about having some beers together tonight in Seattle ..."

"Holy moley," said Catbelly, "that darn Jim - I mean Coffee - is always trying to go rogue with the plan! Doesn't he realize that alone he may be no match for the Master Puppeteer!? Does he not know of her superior noogie-power?!" Catbelly rocketed off on her chopper, narrowly missing Jon and Ponch, who are hitchhiking back to LA after their brush with the Agent.

BONG BONG BONG

Everyone turned to look at Mechka-Miyavi-Tuba, who had a puzzled look on his face.

BONG BONG BONG

Confusion ... the noise was coming from Mechka-Miyavi-Tuba's direction, and yes, seemed to be coming from his armored cranium ...

BONG BONG BONG

"WTF!?" he exclaimed, turning in circles, unable to figure out where the noise could be coming from, much like a drunk sorority girl after a night at the bar trying to see how and where the long tail of toilet paper has attached itself to her shoe.

"Look!" exclaimed Ze, "it's Twiggy!" and sure enough, there was the wise little squirrel, pitching nuts at Mechka-Miyavi-Tuba's head, from the top of her little confessional.

La Diablesse could not take it anymore. Her aura pulsed poisonously green, acidly yellow, foetidly black. "Ahrite damn ZeMonkeys - mi cyan give oonoo mi messidge when oonoo pre-hock-u-py wit' de damn jesustitties h'an de damn RAT! Ah fe foo fa damn dutty rat dis, h'ennyway? Ah weh be de cyat, de cyat nuh fe nyam up de rats? H'Annie, h'Annie, h'Aaaaaanniiiiiieeeee ... dutty cyat ne come when mi call it?"

The ZeMonkeys are grossed out at the thought of Annie eating Twiggy, and also worried that if she does, who would forgive them for their BAD THINGS?

[agentsmith]

but, before annie can eat twiggy, who should show up but OZZY OSBOURNE!!!!!!!!!!! the prince of darkness kneels down, picks up twiggy, and bites his head off.

[funkytuba]

Originally posted by agentsmith
... picks up twiggy, and bites his head off.

er.... twiggy's a she... that means she bites off Ozzy's head.

Ozzy's body immediately begins to shimmer an irridescent blue, then a gold, then cinnamon and finally crimson-taupe.

After all of this irridescing his body slumps over, and out of the hole in his neck where his neck used to be comes flooding out a large gathering of small woodland mammals. Squirrels, bats, ferrets, swarms of them, flying out of Ozzy's neck, freed by the awesome power of twiggy.

Twiggy immediately goes into a deep and heinous acid trip due to the latent hallucinogenics in Ozzy's head. She forgives Agent for being unsaturated. She berates a tree for its unhomogenized grain boundaries.

[agentsmith]

the people at mtv are furious. they crowd around ozzy's body and scream "we had a contract for episodes of the osbournes for the next 5 thousand years!"

[Coffee]

Coffee wanders onto the set...did anyone see my hiking boots?...I left them around here somewhere.
Long ass drive back jus to get some shoes....but hell...they is comfy!!!

Wanders back out again.

[agentsmith]

the mtv execs need to vent. they rush after coffee and tackle him, and he tries to beat them off with his hiking boots and a mug.

[catbelly]

Luckily they are weenie office-sitting types and hit like girls. Coffee fends them off easily, then slings his hiking boots over his shoulder and says, "seeya, wouldn't wanna be ya," then exits stage left.

Catbelly checks out his ass while pretending to look around for the wall clock.

Klynne comes in and notices jesustitties in his latex get-up (pun intended) and is rather surprised to see him, she thought he was supposed to meet her *at* the Motel 6.

La Diablesse realizes that she hopped off the transdimensional bus at the wrong stop... this is not the node in the space-time continuum where cane sugar was found to be the ideal propellant for interstellar travel after the Garvey-drive was discovered and developed by Jamaican scientists in the early 1900's. "Chuh man," she snorted, "mi vex! Mi ring de damn bell too early... I an' I gwine tek mi h'own transpaaart nex' time!" Her aura pulsed in irritation and, ZOOP, she left to wait at the stop for the next bus.

The various vermin that were until recently contained in the body of Ozzy Ozbourne bow down to Twiggy and sing a woodland version of "Crazy Train" in her honour. She is still tripping and wavers on the knife edge of happy/freaked out.

[agentsmith]

Mechka Miyavi Tuba's eyes glow red, and he mutters..."must....kill...happy woodland critters..."

[Klynne]

The woodland creatures hear what Mechka Miyavi Tuba said. They gather around Agent and beg for her protection.

[agentsmith]

"me?????protect you?????" scoffs the agent.

[rmr]

ARGH!!!!!!!!


http://www.6-58.com/graphics/wicked.jpg

[JesusTitties]

jesustitties rips off his pants to reveal a leather thong ridiculously too small and begins to hump small children

[agentsmith]

"excuse me!" yells klynne, gesturing for security, "we have a strict no pedophilia law over here. you see, its tempting to join in, and we've got a movie to make. please go and hump the children in the alley, or in the middle of the street."

[JesusTitties]

then jesustitties said ok and ate some carrots

[agentsmith]

um, jt, thats not a carrot.....

[JesusTitties]

http://www.365jokeplace.com/Pics/Priceless/priceless047.jpg

[Klynne]

Coffee strolls in and chokes on his Starbuck's esspresso, when he sees what JT has done to this thread. Coffee is a free spirit, but this is even too much for him.

Coffee/Jim makes a 911 call to the Star Treck Enterprise to beam him up.

[JesusTitties]

Originally posted by agentsmith
the zemonkeys ponder this when suddenly jesustitties the killer shows up!

hey i was invited i didnt ask to come to this thread
you get what you get

[funkytuba]

ok.. .that was good, JT, real good.

Now say it with FEELING!

ready........ Action!

[JesusTitties]

suddenly jesustitties stops eating his carrots and stuffs them up funky tubas' ass

[funkytuba]

"Cut! Cut! Cut!"

"Ok, JT, if you need your lines, just say 'line', and you can then do one. The mirrors and rolled up $100 bills are over in the corner."

[rapscalious rob]

agentsmith wanders in with an ipod clutched in one hand and a scowl on her face. Her eyebrows and nose muscles are quivering as she shakily says: “who deleted all my mp3s?”

When nobody answers, she screams: “WHO DELETED MY PIRATED MUSIC! YOU WILL DIE!”

Jesus Titties gets up from the table where he was “studying” (read: snorting) his lines, a sharpened carrot in one hand. “Do you realize,” he calmly, superciliously says, “that stealing music is a federal crime?”

Funkytuba flips through the script, a frantic look on his face. “Hey!” he says, “This isn’t in the script anywhere! What the hell is going on?”

Catbelly and Klynne look at each other and back at the scene, their eyes widening.

Outside the window that lies between JT and agent, a shrub coughs, the leaves shaking a little. The cough is clearly heard througout the entire room.

[agentsmith]

"that means you're not part of america.....and that would make you....A COMMUNIST!"

-Adam West, Mayor of Quahog

[xerocs]

xerocs awakes with a start, head jerking back and disconnecting with the drool line that was attached to his rifle... "Did anyone hear that?".

[agentsmith]

thank god you're only a figment of my imagination.

[Klynne]

Everything has run amok.

Catbelly and Klynne try to restore control to the set. It proves to be an impossible task. JT is propositioning the make-up artists, and Agent invites the rest of the crew to go to the strip club with her.

Catbelly laments, yet again "Oh, Klynne, I am ruined. I will never do business in this town again!"

"Don't worry Catbelly, " Klynne says as she pats Catbelly's arm, "Everything will be ok." Secretly, Klynne is thinking "Damn, my career is over, I will have to go back and work for that escort service again."

Coffee notices that Catbelly and Klynne are passing a flask back and forth as they cry.

"C'mon girls, all is not lost. Listening to the coughing shrub has given me an idea."

[rapscalious rob]

Catbelly and Klynne both look at Coffee, then at each other, and cry once more. If it were possible to record their thoughts, they would go something like this:

C“Oh, god, my career is ruined.”
K“Maybe that escort service thing isn’t such a bad idea- it certainly paid well.”
C“What’s Coffee doing here, anyway? Isn’t he on vacation?”
K“Yeah, I think I’ll get back into that escort service biz.”

Funkytuba yells “Cut!” and agent shakes hands with JT, saying “good work; you were very convincing.”
to which JT replies: “If only you knew,” before biting the carrot.

The shrub seems to inch along to the side very slowly, but nobody seems to notice. If anyone were noticing, they would note the long black tube extending from the shrub. An especially astute observer would note the high-quality optic coating on the lense on the outside of this tube, as well as the expensive felt hat poking out the top of the shrub.

Coffee sips himself and continues: “Okay- here’s my plan.”

[agentsmith]

Then who should pop out of the shrub, guns blazing? why, its none other than.....

[Klynne]

Originally posted by agentsmith
Then who should pop out of the shrub, guns blazing? why, its none other than.....

Elmer Fudd! "Where is dat wascally Wabbit!" He demands.

The zemonkeys look at each other perplexed. It is one thing to have the Star Ship Enterprise and washed out 80's tv stars visit the set...But cartoon characters?

Coffee decides to take charge....

[SpecialK]

Where's my jrocker?! says me.

[Klynne]

*Klynne, Catbelly, and Agent meet. Klynne explains how SK has been done wrong by JT*

Agent, in a rare moment of sympathy, glares at JT who is goosing any female cast/crew member that walks by. "Should I go kick his ass?"

"No," Catbelly says, "I don't think it is necessary, but it would be fun to watch. Are you willing to give up your jrockers for a while?"

"Only if I can video tape it." Agent says.

"Is that ok with you SK?" Klynne asks.

SK is still sniffeling a bit, "That is ok." She whimpers.

Agent snaps her fingers and the jrockers appear, eyeing SK appreciatively.

"She is all yours." Agent says.

The jrockers lead SK away to a nearby broom closet that has been recently remodeled to accomodate such large gatherings. Agent follows with a camera.

[funkytuba]

Coffee and MMT strike up a conversation.

"Ya know, Coffee, the Miyavi part of me really itches. (plus it's a pain to keep putting in the tags for MMT ). Is there any way you can channel your trans-dimensional powers and dissassociate us again?"

[agentsmith]

"Hm......."says coffee, rubbing his chin,"perhaps there is a way...."


"YO, DOCTER SPOCK!"

[Coffee]

MR. SPOCK fires a phaser blast at Agent Smith for constantly getting his name wrong. He yells "Bones is the Doctor...and he is Dr. McCoy to you Agnes...I am Mr. Spock...Mr. Spock damn you". Spock fires another phaser blast and a cluster of photon torpedos for good measure.

An enormous cloud of debris fills the studio after the hellstorm of weapons discharges.

As the dust is clearing it becomes apparent that Agent had slipped into the safety of her uber ass and escaped unscathed.
She laughs and says "Better luck next time DR. SPOCK...hahahahaha".

MMT however is not so fortunate. It appears that he/it/he has been severed into several pieces. MMT has become 3 separate entities; MecMi, KhaYa and ViTuba. The binonic organic bionic structure of the original Meckha Tuba seems capable of inegrating with any combination of tubas or miyavis...and it becoms obvious that any further attempts to dismantle or destroy the Creatures can only result in more and more bizarre meckha organic combination creatures...oh the madness.
3 itching and uber powerful Bionic Organic beings look at Agent Smith and yell..."This is all your fault you you you... psycho Spock Misspelling Bubble Bummed Beeeooootccchhh."

Agent for the first time in this thread begins to experience real fear as these 3 enourmous virtually indestructable beings run at her with all arms and tool attachment flailing widly as they prepare to attempt dismantling Agent Smith...slowly and painfully if possible.

Agent Smith extends her uber ass wheels and speeds away in a smelly cloud of dust with MecMi, KhaYa and ViTuba in hot pursuit.

From above someone is heard to say "ahem...sorry for the emotional outburst, I hope no one was inconvienenced".

[agentsmith]

OMG THANK YOU COFFEE! kHAYA IS PERFECT FOR THIS ONE PERSON I NEEDED A NAME FOR...........:)

[Coffee]

My freklish ablandishments madam.

*bows*

[agentsmith]

:)

[funkytuba]

:rolleyes:

[agentsmith]

oh yeah, carry on...

[Coffee]

What...you again?
so...uhhh...u gonna share what you doing with all the names?

Sit back kiddies and get ready for:

STORYTIME
With your hostess with the mostest
the lovely...
Auntie Agnes Smith

4, 3, 2, .... (your on Agent)

[agentsmith]

i already revealed the secret, senor coffee.....

my novel, chainsaw enema!

[Coffee]

Ok...i realize it's prolly not a good idea to prepublish you novel on a public message board...but how bout an excerpt?..a tid bit. a weee nibblet of a sample size bit...over 5 syallabels please.

It was a dark and...
:rolleyes:

[agentsmith]

well.........ive only got a first chapter.....and after that the story starts at the beginning.....the first chapter takes place somewhere in the middle....

its a jumble of ideas right now, but i can tell you its about assassins.:)

[Coffee]

cool...i like it when stories don't use chronological order.

[agentsmith]

me too....

anyway, i might post some of it in the fiction project later....theres a lot of good writers on this board who could give me some pointers.

[funkytuba]

some of the good writers on this board have pointers

















and setters, and shepherds

[Klynne]

"O.K. break time is over you slackers," Klynne yells.

"Who do you thing you are?" asks Agent, "Funky Tuba is the director."

*Agent is twirling her numchucks menacingly*

"Puhlease," says Klynne, "You don't know whats going on, between you having orgies with the jrockers, and going to strip clubs, and picking fights with Coffee, I am amazed you think you know what is going on around here!"

"What is going on around here mutant, er I mean Klynne?" asks Coffee as he looks up in the sky. "Damn, he thinks, where is the Starship Enterprise, these people are getting on my nerves."

"Exactly, that is my point," says Klynne, "Do you want to make a movie, or go back to your meaningless little minimum wage jobs?"
"Did he call me mutant?" Klynne thinks, "What does he mean by that?"

[agentsmith]

Catbelly rushes to the scene...."he didnt say mutant," she says, patting klynne on the head and giving her a lollipop,"he said...er....um....."

[catbelly]

"Rock star! Yah, that's the ticket ... he said, 'rock star.' Clearly, he is impressed by your Final Net and FMPs." Catbelly looked at Klynne sideways to see if she could detect the lie. So far so good ... Catbelly decided to quit while she was ahead.

Meanwhile the scruffy yet intriguing bush crept closer and closer to the ZeMonkeys. It had expelled Elmer Fudd as a decoy, now it was closing in fast. Its long black tube poked out from underneat its lower branches, and small skritching sounds emanated from its deep, dark recesses.

The Tuba Collective came back from chasing Smith and loudly declared that they needed Heineken or there would be hell to pay.

Coffee is wired from snorting lines of Kenyan and is laughing uncontrollably, somewhat like a fourteen-year-old boy. "I am a tub thumper, a tub thumper, haaaaah!! A TUB THUMPER!" he cried, tears running down his face.

[agentsmith]

DOCTOR spock is very very very dissapointed in Coffee.

[Coffee]

Zaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaP

[agentsmith]

"Damn, Coffee!" Spock sputters, pointing a needlesly complicated handheld zapping machine at him. "You're compromising the mission!"

[Coffee]

Don't point that thing at me you pointy eared bastard. I'm your Captain dammit..what is up with you Spock??? You have not been acting like yourself lately. What with all your emotional outbursts recently, and now this blatant insubordination, I'm thinking of confining you to quarters...in the mean time...You are relived from your post. I want you report to Sickbay for a complete physical and mental exam. I'm going to have Dr Catbelly confer with Bones and see if together we can all get to the bottom of your..."problem".

[agentsmith]

suddenly, there is an almighty ripping noise, and Spock appears to be pulling off his skin! Then, who should emerge than.......

SENOR ZORRO!

[catbelly]

Luckily Coffee was wearing his weapon, the legendary foil given to him by the goddess Aphrodite.

"STAND DOWN or FEEL my WRATH!!" he cried.

Zorro was not intimidated, as he had been blade shopping after his last beating and felt that his equipment was equally impressive. Unfortunately for him, he did not realize that it was not his inferior equipment that caused his defeat, it was the unmatchable skills and overwhelming ferocity of his opponent.

As before, the match ended soon after it began ... with Zorro sporting a freshly carved "C" on his front and back. He slunk away, cursing, while Coffee re-sheathed his foil and stood triumphantly, hands on hips. Adoring maidens tripped over each other in efforts to be the first to bring him a freshly pulled espresso.

"Hmmmm...." Catbelly muttered ... "I wonder, is Zorro in fact an agent of ... Agent?"

the Tuba Collective sat in the corner, getting increasingly drunk and rowdy. They were talking in a combination of machine - tuba - Miyavi - speak, and seemed to be having an argument about whose mechanized parts were the most efficient.

The mysterious bush hovered around the periphery.

[rapscalious rob]

Catbelly looked at Coffee, who looked at the door, at it suddenly became apparent to her that some kind of mayhem was going on outside. Undeterred, Agent went out to investigate.

Moments later, a very scruffy-looking fellow with a gravely voice and bloodshot eyes strode in, conversing with agent. He looked very much like a pirate, an effect which was exaggerated by the presence of a parrot on his shoulder.

“This gentleman,” said Agent, “would like to know if anybody has seen his pet.”

Coffee grinned. “Did his name begin with a “Z?”

“It warn’t that fool landlubber señor Zorro, matey, I kin tell ye that,” said the pirate’s parrot.

The pirate scanned the zemonkey’s faces and noticed one was looking out the window. Following catbelly’s gaze, he noticed the bush. “That could be it, the damned bugger” said the pirate.

[Coffee]

Coffee thinks to himself.. " ( finally...someone is getting to the bottom of that bush! )"
He was afraid it might be an elephant in the bush so he didn't want to say anything about it.

:D

[rapscalious rob]

The pirate walked outside and approached the bush. He whispered something. Then he could clearly be heard by everyone as he shouted “Damn ye, get yer blarmy butt out of the bush, Marvin.”

A small jet-black creature wearing what appeared to be a gladiator helmet reluctantly stepped out of the bushes. He held a humungous gun with a scope attached to it. “Oh dear,” Marvin said to himself as he looked at his feet.

“C’mon, damn you,” said the pirate. He walked back to the door. “I apologize for my pet Martian here. Sometimes he gets a little carried away.” He scowled at Marvin, who said in a very small voice “oh dear.”

“Allow me to introduce myself,” said the pirate. “I’m Rob. Some call me rapscalious Rob. The first is what I am, the second, what I do.”

Marvin fidgeted with his gigantic gun. “…but rapscallious isn’t a word,” he barely whispered. Pirate Rob pretended not to hear.

“I’m looking for work in the movie biz, what with this pirate craze with Johnny Depp” he continued. “Agent told me you have some connections.”

[agentsmith]

At the mention of the words 'johnny depp' agent kicks and the ground and whistles, trying not to look suspicious.

But Catbelly is extremely perceptive, and asks," agent.......do you have something to tell us?"

"ummmm......" she replies, looking at the ground, "well....see...i was testing out a new chainsaw model....and....uh....well........i was really really drunk....and i'd just watched edward scissorhands.....and......"

[rapscalious rob]

“Oh, dear,” said Marvin the Martian.

[catbelly]

A loud bellowing from the Tuba Collective caused everyone to jump. "It's that little bastard with the helmet!!" they honked. "He tried to destroy us with his Neutron Defillibuster!"

"oh dear" squeaked Marvin, looking around wildly, "oh DEAR!"

"Arr Marvin, b'ye, what have ye been up to, yer freaky little alien matey" growled Rob. The parrot fixed one of its eyes on the tiny martian and beckoned with his left foot. Marvin obediently scuttled over to the pirate and hid behind his puffy breeches.

Agent was relieved that the attention was diverted from her secret weekend of torrid rumpy-pumpy with a certain actor. She smiled, an unaccustomed softness creeping over her normally savage and bloodthirsty features. "Oh Johnny why couldn't you have been more like Kakihara ... if only we could merge you two ... "

[rapscalious rob]

Coffee grinned slyly, recalling his botched experiment in physics-defying quantum-state transposition of human beings, mapped along the lines of various appendages. Unconsciously, he ran his hands across his chest, where the knockers of one of his experimental subjects used to reside.

[agentsmith]

HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA


(actually i meant that i killed the evil depp because he stole the screen actors guild award from bill murray)

[catbelly]

"HEY" yelled Agent, "I SEE YOU AND I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE UP TO .... THOSE WERE MY BEASTS, MINE!"

Coffee's reverie was interrupted and he immediately began grooming his foot, a technique used to divert attention from embarrassing faux pas, learned from his cat Mira.

Agent realized that not only did she cut Johnny Depp to pieces, she'd had a torrid weekend with him and might now be carrying his LOOOOOOOOOVE child!

[agentsmith]

"however," she mutters," i sure do miss your meatstick."

[catbelly]

"This is getting exhausting, who wants to go see a band?" asked Klynne. "There's a good show at the Commodore, a french band I think, Ms. M'aider?"

"miz Mayday?" asked the parrot, "as in, 'help me'?"

"oh who cares, they ROCK" said Klynne, not impressed with the parrot's attitude.

"oh dear," Marvin piped up, "do they serve aliens?"

[Klynne]

*Ozzie shows up, and bites the head off the parrot*

"Thank God, for small favors," Agent interjects, "I am so sick of having to kick ass on this thread."

*Marvin pleas for mercy, but the Zemonkeys are sick of his whining, and send him into the closet with Funky Tuba, and Funky Tuba's multiple identities*

"Lets Rock," Catbelly says, as she dons her tightest leather pants.

"Rock on!" The Zemonkeys say in unison.

[agentsmith]

"But without the Martian, goddamnit!" Agent insists.

[Coffee]

I can guess why you are afraid of the martian agent...your uber ass warranty specifically mentions ... .."...not covered by attacks by matter/anitmatter martian destructo-ray weapons.

I'm personally thinking Marvin looks kinda cute...I vote we keep him.

Marvin pipes up and actually sounds as cheerful as Marvin can manage as he says..."ohhhh...not all of you earthlings annoy me".

Marvin tries a practice "sight alignment' on Agent's Uber asss...but does not pull the trigger ... yet...mainly cuz the destructo ray's "sphere of influence" is about 10 spherical miles...and all of us including Marvin are at virtual "Dead Center".

[agentsmith]

and even if everyone wasnt in the beam's area of effect, the jrockers' hair products would probably ignite the whole surrounding cities in a 300,000 mile radius.

[rapscalious rob]

not knowing this, Ozzy takes out a cigarette and asks Rob if he has a lighter. Rob pulls out a gun (it’s really a lighter, but everyone thinks it’s a gun).

[agentsmith]

When many guns are then drawn and pointed, Ozzy throws his head back and yells SHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRROOOOOOOOOOOOONNNNNNNNN NNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[funkytuba]

Muffled by the closet door, the Tuba Collective comments,: "mffn mfn mmmmmn. hm fm fmm hmm fhmm. mffnmfn mwwwwitma"

[funkytuba]

*bump*

[agentsmith]

wow you almost killed it that time.

[funkytuba]

AoG finds the set and makes his presence known.

"People of ZeBoardia heed me:
blah blah blah blah....."

[agentsmith]

hahahaha i think that angel of god is......a BOT! or a puppet......*points finger at klynne* its YOU isnt it?

[Coffee]

Naaa...Klynne doesn't seem like the AoG type...but AoG might be one of Klynne's puppets...If AoG starts quoting the Nicean Creed, then she is busted...or at least implicated.
:D

[agentsmith]

i bet Aog is miyavi....

[Coffee]

AoG is the great great great great grandmother of Mr. Spock.
(Mr. Spock inherits his ability to communicate logically from his Vulcan ancestors obviously)

[Klynne]

Klynne yells "We believe in God, one God, the father, the almighty, the maker of heaven and earth, of all that is seen and unseen..." she claps her hand over her mouth. The zemonkeys eye her suspiciously.

"I am not a good spy for the father." Klynne thinks, "How am I going to talk my way out of this one?"

[agentsmith]

DOCTOR spock appears behing Coffee, and whispers in his ear. They both saunter off into the broom closet.


AoG staggers around the set, ranting and raving and eating a bit of moldy cheese he found in his pocket.

[Klynne]

Do not die thread!!!!

[Klynne]

Do not die thread!!!!

[funkytuba]

Originally posted by agentsmith
AoG staggers around the set, ranting and raving and eating a bit of moldy cheese he found in his pocket.

The Tuba Collective takes a look at AoG and is hit with a sudden blast of recognition!

"You're.... You're... You're <a href='http://zefrank.com/bulletin/showthread.php?s=&threadid=2887&perpage=40&pagenumber=1'>Larry Dumbo</a>!"

[DRAMATIC '60s CHORDS]

The entire set swivels around to see AoG peel off a close-fitting rubber mask and throw off a large trenchcoat to reveal... a Fax Machine tied around his torso, along with 69 sticks of dynamite wired up to a Toshiba VM4050.

"You people thought you were funny... setting me up with Michele, and constantly frustrating my attempts to hook up with her, feeding me stinky cheese and garlic and norweigian fermented fish, sending me fax upon fax upon fax and biblical visions and thiefs named Mary and Santa Dinz and ships and flamin squirrels changing my name and gender and honey and all of that I'M SICK OF IT! I'M SICK OF MY FAKE BLOG LIFE!!!

"So now I've found you. Yes.. don't think I don't know.. this is The Mothership. You bastards has screwed up my lives for long enuf now!

Larry brandishes the cell phone and prepares to press the code to explode himself and the studio

"TAKE THIS........................"

[rapscalious rob]

:p

Everyone braces themselves for the impact, eyes shut tightly. Instead of an explosion, however, the zemonkeys hear a beeping noise and then a mechanical sound. They open their eyes again to find Larry still standing there, only now there is paper coming out of the fax machine. A message is scrawled across it.

“DAMMIT!” Larry Dumbo shreaks in exasperation. “I THOUGHT THIS THING WAS SUPPOSED TO BE BROKEN!”

Another beep signals that the fax has finished. Larry tears off the sheet and reads it aloud…

“…from The Mothership,” the message begins…

[catbelly]

"Larry Dumbo, you may have already won a million dollars! yours truly, Ed McMahon."

[Dark Chocolate]

“…but the fax machine isn’t even plugged in,” Larry protested.

[agentsmith]

oh, you must doubt the powers of the mighty fax machine!




btw- i think the fake blog thread is the funniest thing on this board. ive read it a lot but never posted.

[funkytuba]

Coffee and Spock emerge from the broom closet. Spock takes a close look at Larry's Dynamite.

"Mister Dumbo. It is illogical to think that you will be able to cause damage with those red wax candles tied together with Cat-5 cable."

[agentsmith]

Larry peers at his makeshift bomb, then throws the fax machine at Spock's pasty face.

[Coffee]

Spock easilly sidesteps and the fax machine misses.
He raises one eyebrow and says "a most illogical reaction, but typical of Human religious fanatics, there was a 98.7624% chance that you would do just that...and a 1.2375% chance that you would have stuck your tongue out and made a rasberry noise".
Coffee does a quick calculation in his head..."uhh...Spock...that leaves .0001% left. Did you miscalculate?"

"No Cap...uhhh...Coffee...Quantum physics dictates that there is a .0001% chance that Larry Dumbo could have disapeared and reapeared in a nearby Cadilac coupe"

Coffee whispers to Spock. "Alright Spock, enough math, you have your orders, report back to me when you are finished...good luck".

Spock heads for the kitchen.

[funkytuba]

*Poof*

Larry ceases to exist on this thread in a faint puff of logic, taking AoG with him.

[Klynne]

*Catbelly and Klynne have a talk*

"Catbelly, I think your film will never be made," Klynne says. "The problem is, you have no control over the cast or the crew. I say we shut down, and set up shop in Mexico. That way we do not have to deal with the screen actors guild, or that pesky minimum wage law. Everyone is doing it, NAFTA was a great thing over all. Besides, the drinks are cheaper south of the border, and they make great margerittas."

Catbelly ponders Klynne's suggestion, and than says "I don't know, lets redo our makeup, tease our hair, have a bottle of Boones farm, and think it over."

"Can I borrow your leather pants?" Klynne asks.

"That's cool," Catbelly says as she strips down to her thong and hands her pants to Klynne.

[agentsmith]

I support the Mexico moving motion.

[Coffee]

*Poof*
In a faint puff of logic Agent Smith dissapears from the set and reapears in a small town in central Mexico surrounded by the disgruntled underpaid employees of a US owned Cardboard box manufacturer. It seems they think she is the owner of the business and mutter menacingly as they advance upon her wielding box cutter knives...

[agentsmith]

when suddenly, the whole group hears...'' 'eeeeeeeeeeeeeeyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy"

they wheel around and see FONZIE!

[Klynne]

One o'clock two o'clock
three o'clock, rock
four o'clock, five o'clock
six o'clock rock
seven o'clock eight o'clock
nine o'clock rock

blah, blah, blah and so on....

[agentsmith]

it appears that fonzia has challenged coffee to a duel of 50's trivia!

[Klynne]

*Coffee and the Fonz face off. They circle each other, each one measuring the other one's perceived strengths and weaknesses*

"Hmm, cool leather jacket," Coffee thinks to himself, "I wonder if he can teach me that juke box trick?"

"Heyyy," Fonzie thinks, "I wonder if he knows that Mork guy I did battle with, strange get up."

*Laverne and Shirley walk in snapping their gum, and checking out Coffee and Fonzie*

"I get the Fonz this time." Shirley says.

"O.K. by me," Laverne says, "That one in the robes looks like he is hot to trot."

[agentsmith]

as coffee and fonzie prepare for a battle of coolness, who should show up but KLAHA???????

http://www.moonglow.nu/gardenia/images/klaha/klaha32.jpg

http://www.moonglow.nu/gardenia/images/klaha/klaha23.jpg

http://www.moonglow.nu/gardenia/images/klaha/klaha40.jpg

he says, in (nearly) perfect english,"risten up! i challenge fonzie to a battle of coolness!"

[lapietra]

Lala dashes in from somewhere unseen, yells, "Klaha is the YUMMIEST!!", grabs Fonzie's leather jacket, and runs off with it, screaming like a banshee.