Ask a question, then Answer a new one!

[craig johnston]

any comments on gordon brown's new manifesto?


some say she's from mars, or one of the seven stars
that shine after 3:30 in the morning.

[funkytuba]

what was the reason they gave for her making this thread drip to page 2?


dyspeptic core routers interacting with neurotic cassini ethernet adapters

[T.I.P.]

Can you describe your latest nerdgasm ?


A lifelong supply of triple A batteries.

[funkytuba]

What was the door prize at the RCMAA (Remote Control Manufacturers Association of America) convention?

Pajama pants that don't need to be there.

[Bman]

What do you think about those giant Bananas?



plinko

[T.I.P.]

what sound does it make when a communist plays the highest note on a piano ?


it's surprisingly elastic.

[brightpearl]

How did you like the chocolate eclair I made for you?

I dunno, but half a dozen of them would cost a fortune.

[craig johnston]

hey snow-white, what did that short guy set you back?


it's down at the end of lonely street.

[Veruki]

So where's your ego these days?

i'll take one double scoop, and four dumplings please.

[Bman]

[insert poop joke]?


it makes great soap

[brightpearl]

Did you ever find a use for all those old issues of Cat Fancy?

Leave the haggis. Take the cannoli.

[craig johnston]

zero or razormix?


for scientific research purposes.

[funkytuba]

So, what phrase did you switch for "until death do us part" in your marriage vows?

Misery Scientologist Teeter, tree houser

[Bman]

What is your favorite show on that new tv station WXENU?


Because I hate applesauce

[funkytuba]

Is there a reason you ordered your latkes "Bone Dry, With a Twist"?

Why it's a Carpool ton o' sin drone!

[craig johnston]

what's on your ipod tubes?



some may call it perverse, but i call it art.

[Bman]

You do WHAT with the fruity loops?!?

Because I don't have time to sit here and explain the finer points of euclidean geometry to you!

[Odbe]

Why don't you just make it a square?



Make them construct a giant pentacle.

[craig johnston]

and what about the unemployed?



let them eat cake.

[Brynn]

what did the janitor say about the drunken urinal-users?

the deck is splintering, the paint is peeling, and the fence is wrecked now.

[Veruki]

So how'd the family reunion go?

That one's red, this one's blue! I ask for a YELLOW one!

[funkytuba]

What did the three year old cutting out hearts say when I ran out of goldenrod?

That sinking feeling in the bottom of your radiator.

[craig johnston]

tubes my man, how ya hangin'?


a glorious feeling of wonder and excitement.

[Bman]

How is Joe's new jello pool?

with brooms and bats and wings and rats

[funkytuba]

You doomed those brats and flying cats?

Introductory Savings Inside!

[funkytuba]

*bump*

[Avalon]

Introductory Savings Inside!
********************

What did the hooker say to Dinz?

That's the Rachael Ray said to do it.

[Coffee]

Why did you take that grammar course?

A hang over.

[Marcus Bales]

What do you call a comb-over in the wind?


Thirteen

[craig johnston]

your wife is how old?!


it dangles floppily in the breeze

[Tunesmith]

could you give me an example of a suggestive statement, craig?

she just walks back and forth, staring ahead.

[craig johnston]

what's condi doing these days?


jimmy carter

[Marcus Bales]

Who's the man Judith Exner said she most regretted not sleeping with?


The Staten Island Ferry

[Veruki]

So where was it excatly you lost her panties?

That wasn't a venus fly trap.

[funkytuba]

What did the trapped bear say to the botanist hunter about to shoot him?

No, really. It's *tea*. Not anything else. Really.

[craig johnston]

what's in that package you just got from frieda?


throbbing and pulsating in the most thrilling way imaginable

[Marcus Bales]

When I turn this knob on the amplifier, what happens to the woofer?


That's the best I can do.

[craig johnston]

so, what are we going to do for the other
59 minutes and 30 seconds you paid for?


i really had no other choice

[Marcus Bales]

Do you realize that that was quicker and less satisfactory even than Marcus Bales?




Coke. No, Pepsi. Wait, Coke. Pepsi. No, Coke. Coke.

[funkytuba]

While you're waiting, would you care for a soft drink or a solid carbonaceous material derived from destructive distillation of low-ash, low-sulfur bituminous coal?

Angsty dulcimers repealing preposterously unverified ordinances.

[Jack Flanders]

So, Sir, your massive headache is because of....?

Yes, Officer, I was sort of going too fast - you were scaring my dog.

[Marcus Bales]

You call that a dog?


I got pig iron, I got pig iron, I got all pig iron.

[funkytuba]

So, Leadbelly, what'd you get when Lonnie Donegan made a hit with your song?

Another damn 2¢ stamp.

[Marcus Bales]

What'd you get when you put in your $.02?



George Carlin

[Veruki]

Who did you say your child learned his first word from?

Not now, go away.

[funkytuba]

Wanna go hang out in the flirting thread?

Not as often as I would like.

[lukkucairi]

Do you clean your spitvalve much?

I found it in the back of the closet, under a pile of old handbags.

[craig johnston]

what's that you're chewing?


he's in the basement, mixing up the medicine.

[funkytuba]

WherrrrrrrrrrrrRRRRRRRES Johnny?

four fish sticks, a quart of clotted cream, and a ball peen hammer

[Master_Jedi]

what did you build your house with?


27 buckets full of cajun food

[Hyakujo's Fox]

What would you trade it all in for?


A room, a chocolate bar and 37 minutes.

[T.I.P.]

Could you give me a few hints on what happens to Jack Bauer in the next season ?


I let it sit for three months.

[brightpearl]

This fish dish is delicious. How did you prepare it for poaching?

Well, it rares up from time to time.

[Brynn]

How odd - does it always rare down like that?

Being able to fall asleep in the middle of it is a plus.

[Hyakujo's Fox]

What was the best thing about the latest "Ocean's" movie?


I thought you'd call back.

[Marcus Bales]

Why did you hang up on me?


Leave it alone.

[Hyakujo's Fox]

What's the best piece of advice your mother ever gave you?



A far far better place.

[Marcus Bales]

Where have you taken Brynn?



I was locked in.

[craig johnston]

what did you do with that chastity belt?


he played a robot

[trisherina]

What was The Duke in all of his school pageants?

Last one in's a rotten egg!

[T.I.P.]

Your omelette is really unique..what's your secret ?

I buy that for a dollar.

[brightpearl]

What do you do when you run out of money for this?

The sight of fleas makes me nauseous.

[zero]

have the therapy sessions with dr. spaz helped you to overcome your delusional parasitosis at all?


mony a mickle maks a muckle

[Marcus Bales]

What did the bindweed say to the honeysuckle?



All right, all ready, I'm coming.

[funkytuba]

Will you PLEASE put that chinchillla down before someone sees you?


It's like he's 2 yrs old sometimes.

[skip intro]

how's the tortoise who was born at the end of july 2005?


by ranting and raving about all those terrible people who want peace.

[Coffee]

How does Rush Limbaugh demonstrate that he knows "What Jesus Would Do"?


Thats getting just a wee bit too personal, I decline to answer.

[Marcus Bales]

When Vanderbilt plays UT, who do you root for?



Stephen King and Neil Diamond.

[auntie aubrey]

which two celebrities would you most want to consume with soup and a nice crusty bread?


please, not in the bouillabaisse.

[Marcus Bales]

Can't you see I'm bleeding?



I vote no.

[funkytuba]

Care for a squid and carpaccio milkshake?

His umbilicus was crusty and his septum had converged.

[craig johnston]

how was zroe when you last saw him tubes?


i was defending spree feech

[funkytuba]

did you have fun at the coonerism sponvention, cj?

it's safe to come back out now. really it is.

[Marcus Bales]

Can I just hide in my bedroom with my collection of Calvin and Hobbes books?


change the lightbulb

[Veruki]

I've run out of ideas, what do I do?


Use a little bit of alcohol, it'll come right out.

[seebe]

How do I get rid of this hangover?

It's a bumpy ride

[Earthling]

Why do you like it better on top?

No, in this case, 3 is equal to 1.

[seebe]

Does 1x3x1x3x1x3x1x3x1x3=3?

It's a bunch of bologna

[Hyakujo's Fox]

oh my, isn't that just the sweetest corsage?



halfway between a scratch and a scrape

[craig johnston]

what's a scrapch?


ghoti

[brightpearl]

What goes best with toast and tinned tomatoes?

Nim Chimpsky

[seebe]

In testing how your botox injections on your lips turned out...can you pronounce Noam Chomsky?


shiver me timbers

[Tunesmith]

so, are you ready to enter the hemlock freezer?

it slices and dices, but will never be my friend.

[seebe]

How would you describe the comfort of your bicycle seat?


pandemonium

[funkytuba]

What does the san diego zoo use to clean out their star attractions' cages?

Root beer, with extra root, please.

[seebe]

What can I give you to make you the happiest man on earth?


It's not designed to work that way.

[brightpearl]

What can I give you to make you the happiest wo/man on earth?
(Seriously, if we could all figure out that Seebe's answer to that question is the correct one, it would save us all a lot of trouble. :o )

No thanks, I'll walk.

[bauss]

wanna take a ride on santa's lap?

chocolate monstrisoty

[funkytuba]

What was that new energy drink with more caffeine than no-doz going to be called?


It was some bad rock.

[Hyakujo's Fox]

Why didn't NASA ever go back to the moon?


I think it was Sigmund Freud.

[brightpearl]

These are the most interesting tacos I've ever tasted. Do you think they've put something new in the salsa?

I don't remember whether it was 3 or 23.

[seebe]

How many quarts in a gallon?


A full head of hair.

[funkytuba]

What did the battleship's barbershop do as a practical joke to the COB?

crooked wall hangings under acerbic heating vents

[seebe]

What's your advice on how to hang my paintings in the best optimal arrangement for my next exhibit?


Wrangling a deal.

[Earthling]

OK Lady, we picked you up on a street corner arguing with that man. Just what were you doing?

It will only get worse.

[Bman]

Is it too late to euthanise this fruit cake?

I was hoping you didn't notice.

[Brynn]

No seriously, who harvested my other kidney?

I prefer to call it a "limited engagement."

[seebe]

What do you call it when a skunk asks a porcupine to marry him?

Round and round we go

[funkytuba]

Have you played the solitaire game on your iPod nano yet?

It was a savage experience that I will be repeating as soon as possible.

[Earthling]

So what did you think of those Rocky Mountain Oysters?


It will go alot easier on you if you confess.

[trisherina]

What's with the branding iron, Grandpa?

If I were you, I'd do my best to forget about it.

[brightpearl]

Didja hear the one about the snake, the panda, and the donut shop?


Ohhhh, that. I thought it was an earthquake.

[funkytuba]

Wow that cabbage and red bean ice cream had a drastic effect on craig johnston's gastrointestinal tract, did it bother you last night?


Four inkjet cartridges and a butterfly bandaid.

[seebe]

At the Anna Nicole auction, what did you bid for her panties?


Yabba Dabba Doo

[funkytuba]

What made up the bulk of the solid waste derived from the Town of Bedrock Water Treatment Pant?

It's just my pomegranate. You can safely ignore it.

[seebe]

Is that a pomegranate in your pocket or is it just that time of month? :p


sideways glance

[funkytuba]

What kind of glance were you just giving my pocket?

I'm that way the whole month, thanks.

[seebe]

How often do you wear socks on your ears?


translucent makeup

[funkytuba]

What do you call it when your ex acts like they want to get back together but you know they just want booty call?

underground altitude

[seebe]

I call it turning the tables. :D

Anywhooo, what is it called when your parachute doesn't open in time?


somber moments

[craig johnston]

what do you remember of your time in jail with paris hitler?


it's all about circumference

[Hyakujo's Fox]

What's this pi multiplied by diameter business?


I see.

[funkytuba]

Hey, Mr Blind Man, what did you say as you pissed into the wind just before "it all comes back to me now"?


George Clinton wearing a fluorescent green kimono riding a giant octopus down Main Street in Kokomo, IN.

[Brynn]

What's your Halloween costume this year?

Hardly ever. Well...hardly "hardly ever."

[craig johnston]

how often do you say 'hardly ever'?


something nasty in the woodshed

[Hyakujo's Fox]

hey, what's all the penicillin for?


it seemed a long way to go and only get a pizza.

[Earthling]

Wadda ya' mean, there's a Dominos on Mars?

Never mind what they call it...suck, suck !

[seebe]

Isn't there something called an oil pan and gravity to get this out?


Some call it crazy, I call it fun.

[T.I.P.]

What are your thoughts on kite-skateboarding ?


it is my opinion that you're going to need at least twice that much..

[seebe]

Do you think 2 bottles of wine will be enough to blot out the memory of the night we had?


To the moon alice.

[seebe]

Eta: double post.

[craig johnston]

which alice shall we go to today?


don't you dare ever ask me that again!

[seebe]

You know what they say about the size of the feet indicating the size of ..ahem. So, ehm, what is your shoe size?


Being lax about that could get you in trouble.

[Stephi_B]

You really think I should ask him for his shoe size before he shows me his collection of... er was it coins?, stamps?, butterflies?, act photos? dunno, I forgot that ... Isn't that odd?

On a helicopter base in February, it was cold and muddy, but simply gorgeous.

[seebe]

Where did you eat your first pickled pigs feet sandwich?


It's a good science tv program.

[craig johnston]

what do you think of the x-files?


i warned you once!

[Veruki]

Why did you throw that pudding at my head?

Do not feed those chickens!!

[seebe]

What was the first rule of thumb told to the new chicken feeders?


It's later than you think.

[craig johnston]

what time do you get up in the morning?


a mighty wind

[trisherina]

What are you trying to blame on the dog?

Wall, desk, or table mount, vertically or horizontally.

[Hyakujo's Fox]

So what do you cover in the first chapter of your new book, The Kama Sutra At Work?


I guess that explains the missing crayon.

[T.I.P.]

Have you noticed that Ralph has been acting funny since he came back from recess - and that his voice is more nasal than usual ?


it looked just like a deflated football, suspended by christmas lights

[seebe]

What did that battery powered extension you received in a plain brown wrapped package look like after accidentally plugging it into the Christmas tree lights?


It has a lot of lies and made up facts.

[tapanuli]

So, after you gave Margaret Spellings the Sodium Pentothal, what did she say about NCLB?

To clarify, if we take this abstinence pledge, you'll give us pizza coupons and free t-shirts. Hmmmm.

[craig johnston]

what did the hamas delegation say to the israelis?


it's a big wobbly thing

[funkytuba]

How would you describe a repllica of devil's mountain made in 1:650 scale out of tofu?

We'll just have to boldly put our best foot forward where no man, woman or thing has gone before midnight in the garden of good night moves.

[seebe]

What words of encouragement did you use to coax your new little puppy to go outside to pee?

Razzled and dazzled

[craig johnston]

how did you feel after meeting funky tubes?


a glorious evening of excitement and thrills

[Hyakujo's Fox]

how would you describe a typical friday in our very own pub thraed?



like two ships passing in the night

[Coffee]

How did the sailors describe the noxious odor they encountered at sea?

Jesus Titties and a straight jacket.

[craig johnston]

what did your nightmare involve?


because of their strange headgear and weird way of walking.

[Earthling]

Why do you want to have sex with a giraffe?

It's the mushy pink parts that get me.

[funkytuba]

Are you a pomegranate fetishist?

I can't smell anything, which means I can't taste anything either.

[seebe]

What were you grateful for when you ate the skunk steak?


pumpernickle and rye

[funkytuba]

When used in my corned beef sandwich today, what will taste like white bread and unseasoned roast beef?

sweet, salty, sour, but not bitter

[seebe]

I am gathering you have a cold, so what all can and cannot you taste?


It's simply divine

[Earthling]

What does Stephie's ear wax taste like? *gawd, I crack myself up*

The swine is mine !

[craig johnston]

what did kermit say?


gadzooks! prithee tarry awhile and let's release that chastity belt.

[seebe]

What was your last conversation with the cute girl next door about?

I'm not about to eat that.

[funkytuba]

Mmmmmmm. Pork schwaerma. Want some?


Leakage. We won't discuss the type.

[T.I.P.]

Why on earth did you call a plumber and a nurse in here yesterday ?


Those are just starters. Wait until you see the main course !

[Earthling]

When your girlfriend caught a glimpse of you mooning the mayor, what did you say?

Take me to your leader.;)

[funkytuba]

I know they say that he's much more likeable when you meet him in person, but are you sure you want to go through with this?...meeting George, I mean...


too many puppies

[brightpearl]

What do you think of this trail mix?

It's better on crackers.

[craig johnston]

cheese on a concrete slab?


that is an impertinent question!

[Earthling]

If someone grabs your butt once, you've been 'goosed', but if they do it a second time, have you been 'geesed'?

Sorry, I don't kiss and tell.

[funkytuba]

How'd your Gene Simmons tongue stretching session go?

To be continued.....

[Veruki]

what happens now?

just make the stinging go away.

[funkytuba]

So, critics and audiences have panned the recent reunion tour of The Police. Do you have any reaction?

sesame-encrusted and packed with antioxidants

[Hyakujo's Fox]

How did you come up after last night's red wine and cracker bender?



sweet!

[funkytuba]

Had you heard that Swiper was acquitted of stealing the bananas on a technicality?

It smells... odd.

[seebe]

Being the great contortionist you are, can you describe one thing about your butt for us?

You have some splainin' to do Lucy.

[craig johnston]

oh no! i been 'splainin all day long. don't telll me i got more
'splainin to do missee seebe!


you are implying something which i did not say.

[seebe]

Soooo, did I hear right, that you buy shoes 3 times bigger than your actual foot size?


Random kindness.

[funkytuba]

What did the police report say that you claimed to be practicing acts of?


A crooked picture of your mother on the bathroom wall.

[craig johnston]

what do you pray to every night?


like - like - it had the biggest head you ever saw. a great enormous thing, like - like nothing. a huge big - well, like a - i don't know - like an enormous big nothing. like a jar

[Stephi_B]

Now then, Craig, what was your main impression of our highly esteemed Minister of the Interior when you lately met him in person?

Two toads on a truck wheel, singing a shanty.

[funkytuba]

What will the next shockwave flash internet meme be?

That would be "bort".

[Odbe]

What's the answer to 15 down, 'funkytuba's favourite word'?

I keep forgetting, okay?

[Hyakujo's Fox]

Did you call the ambulance?



I think I'll stick it out another week or two.

[craig johnston]

are you happy with the viagra you bought online?


he was blue in the face and panting like a walrus

[brightpearl]

How did you recognize your blind date?


A banana and two Meyer lemons.

[Earthling]

When you think of your last sexual encounter, what comes to mind?

it fell off the pizza truck

[funkytuba]

Have you seen my banana and meyer lemon calzone?

it was strained

[Brynn]

How did your dinner guests like your raw-hamburger-floating-in-pink-lemonade creation?


Styrofoam peanuts.

[Anna]

What's for lunch?

In the box.

[Brynn]

Where did you hide your Uncle Stan's favorite prosthetic foot?





If you'd only been patient, we'd have maple syrup by now.


(http://http//say.expressivo.com/jennifer/Where%27s_your_Uncle_Stan%27s_favorite_prosthetic_ foot_that_as_usual_you_borrowed_again,_without_ask ing?)

[Bman]

So who wants to help me siphon these trees?


That's why I was wondering "what the hell is that show about"

[funkytuba]

Had you heard that Craig Ferguson is an alien, he's a legal alien?

A Connecticut Yankee in Prince Albert's Can.

[Bman]

So what's your favorite tongue-in-cheek English comic strip?

Sorry, I'll have to tell you about my alternate universes later.

[funkytuba]

Any ideas on why this thread went dormant?

At 30 frames per second, they'll never notice.

[Hyakujo's Fox]

So do you think the other guys down at the window factory will notice you missing?


They get sucked down a long pipe and end up as uninvited thoughts in John Malkovich's head.

[craig johnston]

what happens to your marijuana plants?


she fell down the apples and pears

[brightpearl]

What happened to your trouble and strife?


Only half a pint until Thursday.

[seebe]

This is a sobriety test...can you state the correct time and date?

None of the plugs fit the outlets.

[craig johnston]

why are your ears so waxy?


well, it went pretty much like this: erg erg eeergh smashsmashsmash papapapa pupah!

[Stephi_B]

What was the first thing your son ever said to you?


It all started with a ballet tutu, peanut butter and a Rubik's cube.

[funkytuba]

When did your career as a kindergarten teacher start to go downhill?

Negative for TB, Negative for hepatitis, Positive for Love!

[bauss]

so honey, what's my diagnosis?

Purple, Watson, Purple.

[Stephi_B]

Yes?!! What colour had the murderer's pumps then, Sherlock?


Beneath the cellar stairs in a hatbox.

[Odbe]

So where does your heart truly lie?


It was 3am, those kind of things happen at that hour.

[seebe]

What time was it when half asleep you ended up going in the closet instead of the bathroom?


Apparently no one else did, but I thought it was sooo funny.

[craig johnston]

did anyone else want to follow your example and lick the toilet bowl clean?


no, really, that's her actual name.

[Anna]

Anti pasto?

five seconds flat.

[T.I.P.]

Can you describe your fight against the current sumo world champion, in three words ?

i really want to itch it but they say i shouldn't

[Pixie Cherries]

Does that vasectomy scar ever bother you when speaking before large crowds?

Well, yes - after the pink tutu's went missing.

[Coffee]

Was the rest of the troupe ok with doing Swan Lake- The "Skinny Dip" version?



"Heck, heck, heck, heck, Hork."

[skip intro]

what was the name of your firm of solicitors?


candy, sandy, dandy and randy

[Stephi_B]

What are the names of your siblings, Mandy?


Hey, but never on Wednesdays!

[Brynn]

Isn't true that you brush your teeth every half-hour?

Let the little punks wait.

[seebe]

What advice would you give concerning children who always want to use the bathroom after mom’s gone in there to primp and pamper?


Gentlemen start your engines.

[craig johnston]

what was your nickname at college?


she flew in through the window on her broomstick

[funkytuba]

What did George and Ringo want the first line of Track 13 on Abbey Road to be?

sorry, it just doesn't quite scan

[brightpearl]

I'm starving; have you emailed me that bowl of chili in an attachment yet?

It does still sting a bit, yeah.

[Stephi_B]

Heard you had an encounter with a bunch of these Asian giant hornets... was it like *ouch*?


No, never mind the name of the thing - it was a truly great experience!

[funkytuba]

Were you turned off by the menu item called "Massive Bowl of Hot Steaming Beef" at that Vietnamese restaurant?

If you don't stop picking at it, there will never be healing.

[craig johnston]

what did buddha say to the coal miner?


it was miss teen usa

[Brynn]

First crush?
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It's squished in right between Canada and Mexico.

[seebe]

Knowing that you know more than Miss Teen USA, can you tell me, such as, where is Iraq?


It's a tight fit but I like it.

[Coffee]

Does that tongue in your toilet have a purpose?


A pay check of course.

[craig johnston]

what kind of czech did you check at the check-out?


it was bloody hilarious.

[Hyakujo's Fox]

So how was it when you slipped on a banana skin with the running chainsaw?


It looks so wrong but it feels so right.

[Odbe]

Err, the Mardi Gras is ages away, so why are you wearing that... that thing?



No, I just sort of attacked it with a chainsaw.

[funkytuba]

So, did they give you any training before your first call on your first day in the DOT Roadkill Removal Squad--Large Animal Detachment?

It stinks, but it'll have to do.

[Odbe]

Here's your carrion moose mousse sir - is it adequate?

It comes naturally.

[Stephi_B]

Please don't say there's total ebb tide on your bank account already?! How can that be?


Really strange, no one has ever asked that before here.

[funkytuba]

What do you think about people who mix up their temporal and spatial descriptors?

All Apologies: It was due to an episode of cerebral flatulence.

[seebe]

What excuse did you give the court when pleading not guilty by reason of insanity to a jaywalking charge?


It's nothing more than a minor nuisance.

[Hyakujo's Fox]

Can't you see that your habit of casually dismissing criticism is holding you back?


To me it seemed a golden palace of dreams.

[Anna]

So what did you think of the new Wal Mart?

two to go.

[Stephi_B]

Madam, Sir, you wish caviar and champagne?


The best way out now should be to hop sideways at medium pace while visualising small, friendly, fluffy beings. Heard it worked out the last time quite neat... So, let's hop!

[craig johnston]

what was your advice to pearly as she splashed in the river?


bloody brass monkeys mate!

[funkytuba]

What do you get when you cross Fight Club with The Beastie Boys in Australia?

It won't sync! My life is over.

[Hyakujo's Fox]

What phrase do you think best sums up "that syncing feeling"?


a thorough self-examination

[Coffee]

To what do you attribute your genital well being?

General, not genital.

[Odbe]

Your new wireless thingummy comes with WHAT kind of connection!? :eek:


Well yeah, sometimes, but I keep forgetting.

[Stephi_B]

You always have your head with you?


Seriously, it was pink all over!

[Hyakujo's Fox]

How about that explosion at the bubble gum factory?



It was pretty green as valleys go I suppose.

[Angry Kid Hoyt]

How green was your valley?

First you poke it really hard. Then close your eyes and wait for the squeal.

[brightpearl]

Nice nerd shirt; can you teach me how to program my VCR?


It smells good while it's cooking, but if you let it boil too long you'll be sorry.

[skip intro]

any more pet care tips?


in and out the eagle

[Veruki]

WHOA! What's that move called?

[craig johnston]

are you a thread killer?

pop goes the weasel

[Coffee]

How did that thread lyric end?

If it's not one thing it's the other.

[funkytuba]

The baby was screaming, so we took her for a car ride to get her to sleep. Then just as we got home a fighter jet overflew the house at 500ft and woke her back up again. What's a good cliche that would apply to the situation?

It happened. We moved on. It doesn't come up in conversation very often and we like it that way.

[Odbe]

How do you feel about your sudden loss of erectile function?


I knew it.

[Stephi_B]

Erm... it's quite embarrassing for me, but can I tell you something?


Woah, dude, it's 4 am!! But, hell I love the idea - crazy as it is... Just gimme 15 minutes to get outta bed, have coffee, a shower et cetera.

[lukkucairi]

Would you like to fry some bacon in the nude?


I think the paisley with the houndstooth accent looks lovely.

[brightpearl]

I just had the dog reupholstered; what do you think?


Well, it would smell great if it was gorgonzola, but as it is...yuck

[craig johnston]

what do you think of eau de ezrosox?


i think you got the words in the wrong order

[Stephi_B]

Would your pvssy please eat me? (I only ask this in fullfillment of my duties here as pornographic assassin, of course ;))


No, no, no, the relation here is reciprocal.

[funkytuba]

So, is that a band saw that you'd like to use to cut off his right pinky finger?

It's completely, saddeningly, maddeningly empty.

[lukkucairi]

what's in your tin cup?


they found another exoplanet, and it's made of gorgonzola.

[Angry Kid Hoyt]

Why are the mice so excited?


Well, it was pink but now it has turned blackish purple.

[Bman]

What happened to that Floyd of yours?


Oh I love to, but only on tuesdays.

[Stephi_B]

Do you change your socks some time?


Striped diagonally and moving fast.

[Marcus Bales]

How would you describe the vector cross product in dimension 9?


bored out and souped up

[funkytuba]

Can you describe your mental status after attending the "Living Trust, The Perils Of Probate, And You: a Primer" lunch-n-learn at the Kiwanis Club yesterday?

The leaves spoke and their sentiment was clear.

[seebe]

After your magic 8 ball broke did you find a reliable replacement for future predictions?


It doesn't apply anymore.

[craig johnston]

is your carpet still looking for a new job?


a fendi bag and a bad attitude