Ask a question, then Answer a new one!

[Marcus Bales]

Do you know how GOOD that feels?

Midnight and two more bottles of wine

[funkytuba]

dammit. am I 6 minutes too late?

fortunate

[Marcus Bales]

What do you call a dead man?

A willing partner and a video camera.

[Coffee]

What did the Alzheimer's patient consider to be a memorable date?

Plums, or a drain snake.

[funkytuba]

When picking a part of the male genitalia, what does the choice usually come down to?

Unexpectedly not what you thought.

[Marcus Bales]

What did you mean about "The Bride Of Zefrank"?


An electric fan, three eggs, and a bag of flour.

[funkytuba]

Are you trying to tempura yourself?

External charred, internally raw.

[YsaPur EsChomuw]

How would you describe yourself?

On a pear tree.

[MoJoRiSin]

where was Funky Tuba sitting when he finally decided to change his icon?

YOU ONLY HAVE ONE HEADLIGHT !!

[funkytuba]

What's one of the least sensitive things to say to someone post-mastectomy?

That honey looks...skanky.

[Marcus Bales]

What's the title to Bobby Goldboro's first song?

Hot August night

[Brynn]

What do you call it when Glenn Beck (http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2009/08/14/colbert-takes-on-glenn-be_n_259453.html) burns crosses at a KKK rally?




And to think it only costs $9.99!

[funkytuba]

Can I have some more of that tattoo remover?

Slurpily.

[YsaPur EsChomuw]

How do you like to have sex?

Please contact your attorney.

[Marcus Bales]

Did you see what the registered letter said that Kaskeens sent to Ysapur regarding that photo of her and Hyakujo's Fox at the beach?


Two guitars, a bass, a drum kit, and no synthesizers!

[zero]

BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH?




BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH

[Marcus Bales]

How many jokes does Zero have to offer the board?

One.

[funkytuba]

What did you name your new pet Cyclops?

100%. and counting.

[xfox]

Do you remember COMDEX?

Chocolate, thanks.

[Marcus Bales]

Aside from "tall and hot" how do you like your women?

Oh, I'm sure!

[xfox]

Is vocabulary discrimination fair?

The other side of the wall.

[Brynn]

Where should we hide the body?

No one ever inquired, so he didn't volunteer the information.

[Marcus Bales]

By what fiendishly clever ruse did he keep them from finding out?


A tomato, a clove of garlic, half an onion, and a can of beans.

[YsaPur EsChomuw]

Who are your close friends?!


Fir for fur.

[trisherina]

What is that program called again -- the one where you get a live Christmas tree in exchange for turning in your old animal pelt coat?

We sing, we dance, we steal things.

[Marcus Bales]

What do you do on your summer vacations?


Three cigarettes in an ashtray.

[Brynn]

What tipped you off that you were being lied to?

Quite frankly, I think the real issue is whether or not you think it's okay.

[Marcus Bales]

Is the real issue God, Being, or Nothingness?


A bag of chips, a bowl of dip, and a bungee cord.

[Brynn]

How did you convince your mother-in-law to ride on top of the van?

You go first.

[MoJoRiSin]

Before the invention of the camera, was the
"no graven images" idea taken seriously?

He is laughing? that is sacrilege.

[Brynn]

Is Jesus laughing in that picture?



That's why I'm unlisted now.

[Marcus Bales]

So did that guy from the Gnosis ever get in touch with you?


Those pictures were photoshopped!

[Brynn]

Was that you as the Onion's "Area Man" this week?



The rooster didn't see it the same way.

[Marcus Bales]

Why did the chicken cross the road?


A big smile, a request for a favor, and a bag of chocolates.

[funkytuba]

What's your price for that last nacho?

unexplainedly uncontrollably ravenous

[Hyakujo's Fox]

How did you feel after witnessing the horrific collision between the cattle truck and the barbeque sauce tanker?



picky, tricky and licky

[funkytuba]

Using your amazing Fox-Sense, describe my three kids, please?

A sugar rush followed by an ice cream headache.

[MoJoRiSin]

Let me get this straight....... as a POW you spilled the beans after they made you eat fast?

Well if that doesn't beat everthing!

[Marcus Bales]

Did you see the video of that cat flushing the toilet and then staring at the swirling water in the bowl?

Fred, Wilma, Barney, Betty, Dino, Pebbles, and Bam-Bam.

[YsaPur EsChomuw]

What did you name your boxer shorts for every day of the week?

It's your fault that he's your father.

[Brynn]

Mommy, why must I cut Daddy's yellowed toenails and wax his hairy back?


The houseplant died, if that's any indication.

[Jack Flanders]

Was my dinner that bad?

He's a very mean, hateful person.

[Marcus Bales]

After he saved the child's life and recovered the money, how would you describe him?

A piano, an electric heater, and a wine bottle with a candle in it.

[lukkucairi]

three things you keep in your fallout shelter?



because red flannel keeps you the warmest.

[Brynn]

Why are you burning your red flannel pyjamas?



brown chicken brown cow

[funkytuba]

How did you cross the road now?

Nope. Not full yet. Working on it.

[Marcus Bales]

Had enough moo goo gai cat yet?

A sinus headache.

[YsaPur EsChomuw]

What do you call the ratio of the length of the side opposite an acute angle to the length of the hypotenuse?

Leave and let leave.

[Marcus Bales]

What's the title of the slow-developing movie in which the main character, in response to a being asked his name, says "Bark. James Bark."?


A plate of fried chicken, half a bottle of wine, and an attentive cat.

[Brynn]

What were the mummified remains in King Tut's tomb?


Meh - nothing to write home about.

[Marcus Bales]

So, Kama Sutra Sex Camp -- how was it?

Get that thing away from me!

[Stephi_B]

So then, what did she say to your renewed romantic efforts? ( - doubtless inspired by the totally a-romantic, kama-less KSSC leaflet me fears... )


Oh, something's always swollen, bruised or sprained - as a rule!

[funkytuba]

Any reason why you bought stock in Bayer, makers of the NSAID Aleve?

So I went under the knife.

[Brynn]

Sorry about that - you were saying? You were tired of getting so many women pregnant.....?


It all worked out just fine except for the chunk of roast beef.

[Marcus Bales]

How was your saccade with you-know-who?


Shut the front door, mister falcon.

[funkytuba]

Daddy, let's go over the plan again. What am I supposed to do as I go up to the attic to hide just after I make it look I climb into the flying saucer balloon thing we made in the back yard and just before you cut it loose?

Collard greens.

[Marcus Bales]

I understand where we get the communist reds and the Oxford blues, but what do you call those eco-folk who don't seem to have a good head on their shoulders?


Twenty-five or six to four.

[funkytuba]

About how many more posts do I have to get to the next thousands-digit in my post count?

Ok. Ok. So, it didn't actually fit.

[funkytuba]

Why'd this thread fall off the main page?

Indeed. It didn't.

[funkytuba]

Are you a pathological liar? I thought it did?

There was a disturbance in the fours.

[xfox]

What's bubbling?

It's just work.

[funkytuba]

What is the amount of energy transferred by a force acting through a distance?

They call em "blogwats".

[Bman]

How many blogs could a blog blog if a blog could blog blogs?

Well, it makes for an interesting family photo.

[xfox]

Would you stay on vacation forever?

Light your own light.

[trisherina]

When you asked the boys what they were doing with your barbecue lighter, what did they say?

There are a few ways to skin that cat.

[funkytuba]

So, Heracles, any tips on how to deal with this lion that escaped from the Iraklion zoo?

Hold it in, for the love of God.

[Brynn]

what's your view on farting in church?

just hammer it and hope it stays

[funkytuba]

how would you summarize "The Women-With-Low-Self-Esteem's Guide to Getting and Keeping a Husband"?

Johnny Cash's covers of Depeche Mode and Nine Inch Nails

[Marcus Bales]

How do we know that it isn't only in country songs that he can't hit and stay on pitch?


A large, full, black plastic bag by the side of the road.

[funkytuba]

What was the ultimate destination for all those regimental ties you've been hoarding over the decades?

It was an intermittent fascination.

[funkytuba]

So this "Ask a question, then Answer a new one!" thread... what does the board think about it?

If it's been more than a month, it's fair game.

[Stephi_B]

is it ok to use the dreadful word again?



never ever.

[Hyakujo's Fox]

Know wot I mean? ;)

3 wookies dressed as Elvis.

[funkytuba]

Who officiated at the *actual* royal wedding? you know, the one in Vegas?

Cinnamon wine.

[Brynn]

So Michael Kors, what's the name of that new hot shade on the runways?

I'm just procrastinating.

[funkytuba]

Hello my name is Joe. I have a wife and 3 kids and I work at the button factory. One day, my boss came in and said "Joe, Are you busy?"

It was initially unpleasant, but it sure got that nasty smoke flavor out of my mouth.

[Hyakujo's Fox]

How'd that new gargling tabasco work out?

Just a tingle every now and then.

[trisherina]

Do you have any memories of surviving execution by electric chair?

The most important thing is to keep coming back to it.

[funkytuba]

How goes that elephant statue you're chipping out of that block of granite?

Just habit, really.

[Brynn]

Why do you always wear a black and white wimple?

I bought the rug to cover it.

[funkytuba]

When you picked out your couch, did the Furniture Club have a two-item minimum?

Appalachian Summer, Winter and Fall

[xfox]

How do you cope when its all uphill until spring?

I'd take the beach house.

[Hyakujo's Fox]

If you were going to the beach, what would you take?


Polka dots!

[trisherina]

When you hit Karl Lagerfeld, what does he see instead of stars?

Chicken train.

[brightpearl]

Well, I guess I see your point that your new humane, organic poultry farm is really going above and beyond the usual "free range", but how do you get them all the way across Europe twice a year?


Hot as the hinges on the gates of hell.

[Hyakujo's Fox]

Hey perla, how do you look in a bikini?


People can't get enough of it!

[funkytuba]

Seriously... you sell people a box, and inside it is nothing?

He just came back from Connecticut. And all is now merriness and light.

[brightpearl]

Whatever happened to that buddy of yours who felt unfulfilled because he had never seen a collection of Timex watches and an Easter Island replica (http://www.roadsideamerica.com/story/15239) all in one place?



Nasal steroids and a fluffernutter sandwich.

[Hyakujo's Fox]

What do they call a good night out in Austin, Texas?

99% perspiration, 1% inspiration.

[funkytuba]

Did you write your last limerick in the sauna?

My volleyball. It's slightly flat.

[Brynn]

What's your wife's nickname? (Rimshot)

Sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry I couldn't resist, I am terrible.

[xfox]

Are we there yet?

You will always be my hero.

[Hyakujo's Fox]

Did I tell you I went to the gym this week?

Ive started a few rumours to that effect.

[Coffee]

I haven't seen him around, did M.B's head explode after the last TDG?

Pull that out, pump a few times, then twist the little dangley bits...it should start up.

[Hyakujo's Fox]

What's the best way to begin a romance at sea?

A cabbage and the heads of my enemies.

[funkytuba]

Can you please enumerate for me the main ingredients for Bolshevik Golubtsy?

That was low, dude. Real Low.

[Brynn]

On a scale of 1-10, where 10 = "Haha, funny one, dude - a little low though!", and 1 = Real Low, as in "Dude, I don't know how you sleep, you're such a scum-sucking dirtbag from corporate headquarters," how would you rate it?

It wasn't worth waking you up for it, that's for sure.

[MoJoRiSin]

why did you wait until noon to play that three letter word
on Words With Friedns?

I never really thought about whether they felt that way
or not.

[monkeyknifightz]

Why is there a water bottle and a pair of boxers in this parking space?


That's just the way it is bro, that's just the way it is.

[funkytuba]

My hard boiled egg is awful salty after your 2 year old nephew got done with the salt cellar. Any reason why?


Lemon tikki masala dosa paneer vindaloo gnocci tots.

[brightpearl]

Looks like all we have in the house is 2 lemons, a package of Near East rice and lentil pilaf, a carton of eggs, milk that expired 2 days ago, half a bag of frozen tater tots, and whatever's in the spice cabinet. What should we make for dinner?



All I'm saying is they should've known you can't leave a monkey alone with that many office supplies.

[funkytuba]

So there's this Singularity forming down at Office Depot... any idea why?

Because they didn't migrate their back transactions!

[Hyakujo's Fox]

Why did they have to audit the International Association of Chiropractors?


A free used hankie.

[MoJoRiSin]

^

[Brynn]

What does Hank look like now after his divorce?


It's empty now, and very dark.

[MoJoRiSin]

You used to look forward to walking to the end of the driveway and getting the mail, why'd you stop?

Well he did post that one image, after sleeping on it, it gave me hope.

[funkytuba]

What was your response to Santa's blog?

Tight around the neck, loose in the crotch.

[Hyakujo's Fox]

How do feel when you have to speak in public?

Mostly crinkly.

[Brynn]

Describe your smile, please?

Not much, unless you count the prank calls.

[funkytuba]

To what extent has your ex violated the restraining order?

He did something dastardly with a fence.

[brightpearl]

Why did they arrest Knuckles Malone? As far as I knew, he was just a fine upstanding pawn shop proprietor...


I know it seems like a small thing, but even if I never have to see another can of cling peaches again, it will be too soon.

[funkytuba]

So you're saying The Presidents of the United States of America (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Peaches_(The_Presidents_of_the_United_States_of_Am erica_song)) based their song (http://youtu.be/VvcohzJvviQ) on you?


Yeah, there he goes being obvious again. Kinda wants to make you want to hit him.

[Hyakujo's Fox]

Isn't that Captain Obvious, the new superhero who just goes around giving obvious advice on everyone's problems?

Volume K of the 1983 edition of the Encyclopedia Britannica, and a warm lettuce.

[funkytuba]

What's an ideal "boring night in" for a Galapagos tortoise?

A wrist brace, fifteen meters of soft hemp rope and a largish unicycle.

[brightpearl]

So what did Reverend Thistlethwaite bring to the ladies' luncheon potluck?



Bigger than a kiwi fruit but smaller than an aardvark. And not as hairy as either one.

[funkytuba]

I'm thinking about using the leftovers from last month's turkey in the back of the fridge. Can you give me some idea of its quantity and relative freshness?

Now that I'm 42 I really wish I'd get a pass on that.

[brightpearl]

What's life's greatest question?


I can't -- there's too much gum stuck to that parking lot.

[funkytuba]

Dude, can show me that wicked double ollie you did? It was over a bull and a sapling, right?

It's a question of asking the right questions.

[Brynn]

How did the interview with Alex Trebeck go?

I would have if the light had been dimmer.

[funkytuba]

Did you get pissed when the 2yo with the flashlight decided that people needed more light in their eyes?

It was a corner of an edge of a boundary, but it was still there.

[MoJoRiSin]

where exactly did George tie the hitch?


Pickers and smashers, artists and musicians
by the score

[Bman]

Who showed up to the antique store breakfast buffet?

A James Bond-style ski-chase over the snow with orcs and crossbows.

[funkytuba]

What would be the best way to kick off the cosplay portion of SnowCon15

Three tall skinny middle-aged yoga enthusiasts in my coffeeshop.