Ask a question, then Answer a new one!

[daverbee]

Ya wanna play "Doctor"?

Spring forward, fall back.

[Avalon]

Is it that time of year already?

Ofcourse I do.

[Abby Normal]

Where do babies come from?

If it's game time, then yes, I believe it is.

[daverbee]

Is that a rocket launcher you're carrying?

Not with these pants on.

[Abby Normal]

Maybe.

What rocket launcher?

[Avalon]

Is that a rocket launcher, or are you just glad to see me?

Never feed them after midnight.

[Abby Normal]

Well...It is a rocket launcher, but that doesn't mean I'm not glad to see you!

You're not allowed to stick your gremlin in the bathtub, right?

[Avalon]

I don't care where you stick your gremlin.

Didn't your mom tell you not to do that?

[Abby Normal]

My mother tells me lots of things that I forget almost immediately.

Have you ever had an evil gremlin?

[funkytuba]

Didn't you know that this thread works backwards?

My gremlin gets about 14 miles to the gallon.

[Avalon]

Didn't you see that Abby turned it around?

I think the rocket launcher got Abby.

[Aphrodite]

Who got hit by the rocket launcher?


Buttons and bows.

[agentsmith]

what do you adorn your crotch with for festive occasions?


well, of course!

[Aphrodite]

Since 96.5 is halfway between 96 and 97, using linear interpolation, and we would expect the square root of 96.5 to lie halfway between 9.7980 and 9.8489. If we let X equal the square root of 96.5 then

X= 9.7980 + 0.5(9.8489 - 9.7980) = 9.8234

right?????


Pink Floyd in the early eighties

[agentsmith]

who do i remind you of?


NO! DONT PUT THAT THERE!!!!!!

[Klynne]

Do you mind if I pop my Bee Gees cd in your cd player?

That is the way we always do it.

[Avalon]

Why are you standing on your head?

Take that out of your mouth!

[daverbee]

Hooba hoo foo foofa foo?

Seismic activity seems to be up lately.

[Avalon]

What happened in here; didn't I tell you to clean your room?

I plead the 5th amendment.

[daverbee]

Do you have any idea who it is that's been stalking Hugh Jackman?

Fred, Daphne, Velma, Shaggy, and Scooby.

[Avalon]

Do you have that list of names for the party?

It was at the bottom of the toy box.

[daverbee]

Where did you find that kilo of hashish?

Electric guitar.

[Spicy Jack]

What is making that awful noise?

I thought you threw that away.

[Avalon]

What, and lose my deposit?

Over, under, and around the bend.

[daverbee]

How do you administer a colonoscopy?

Opening day.

[Avalon]

What do you call that position?!

The mechanic called.

[daverbee]

Do you know where the car is?

Cubs win! Cubs win! Cubs win!

[Avalon]

Why did the Mayor of Chicago make it a holiday?

Those kids right over there.

[daverbee]

Any idea who toilet papered the White House?

Seagulls, tractors, and lawyers.

[Avalon]

That's not your average collection of toys and action figures, now is it?

The dog ate my homework.

[noxxville]

Why did you fail your drug test?

The grapefruit told me to.

[lapietra]

How did you get that banana stuck in your ear?

2,138 multi-colored flourescent post-its.

[funkytuba]

What triggered my latest seizure?



Really really bad coffee.

[dinzdale]

What do you call a hippy with an attitude?


Free pizza and a thong.

[Spicy Jack]

What is the prize for Ze's new contest?

Its not my favorite.

[dinzdale]

What do you think of the new "Psycho Cylce Sluts in Rubber" DVD?


Not for a second.

[noxxville]

Do you miss wearing diapers?

It only cost 50 cents!

[daverbee]

How much is the new 50 cent CD?

A tyrannosaurus rex, Michael Jackson's personal assistant, and Sammy Sosa.

[Avalon]

Who's going to testify at Michael's hearing?

It is the most amazing thing I have ever seen.

[Spicy Jack]

Did you see my pic?

Confederate economic Trojan horse.

[dinzdale]

General Lee was known as the...?



twenty two years old.

[Deviate]

how old is that purple speedo, anyway?

like father, like son.

[agentsmith]

what do you say when bush asks you to pull his finger?

seven moth eaten sweaters.

[Hyakujo's Fox]

What did Snow White's Christmas shopping consist of?


Only if it's a particularly large cherry.

[funkytuba]

Will you misplace my marachino?


600 pounds of butter, a half-ton of lard, and a gerbil farm.

[daverbee]

What are the ingredients in gerbil chili?

A little more to the left.

[chuckie egg]

Where do you need a backrub?

My headache!

[Avalon]

What do you get when Bush tries to think?

Apparently, some rotted fruit.

[daverbee]

What does the current tax relief give all middle class Americans?

Miter saws.

[ambo]

What would the past tense of "miter sees" be ?

One too many bunny slippers.

[agentsmith]

How can you tell if someone has three feet?

big bird!

[Red Princess]

what happened to my nice clean truck?


i posted

[daverbee]

Did you send that letter you said you'd write?

Not if I can help it!

[agentsmith]

am i gonna KILL the do not reply thread someday?


meats of evil.......MEATS OF EVIL!

[Avalon]

What is that smell coming from your pocket?!?

It is now or never.

[agentsmith]

You ready to jump off the train?


Snidely Whiplash

[daverbee]

What is Donald Rumsfeld's Supervillain name?

Butters, Tweek, and Timmy.

[Avalon]

What did you nickname those cute little moles on your back?

About time you got back with that.

[daverbee]

Did you miss me?

Only if I have to.

[agentsmith]

Would you ever sex up your mother?


vicks vaporub.

[Avalon]

What is the name of this wonder drug you brought to heal me?

Harvey Wallbanger

[agentsmith]

who's the last guy you banged?


i know that you are wrong.

[noxxville]

Why are you looking at me like that?

It just costs too much.

[daverbee]

Why won't you sell your soul to the devil?

No, I left my cheese grater at home.

[madasacutsnake]

Can we have a folk music jam session?

Foliage form and texture should be our focus.

[Avalon]

I can't seem to focus; what did you say?

The number you have called is no longer in service.

[madasacutsnake]

Hello, hello, is there anybody there?

Don't be seduced by visions of brilliant flowers.

[Avalon]

Will this new medication help my delusions?

The FDA will never approve this

[madasacutsnake]

Does this lubricant never lose slip even underwater?

But we would be missing out on all the ephemeral jewels that brighten each season.

[Aphrodite]

Wouldn't it be great if summer could last forever?

That's not a flashlight!

[madasacutsnake]

Have you got one of these, they're great?!

Strong upright types.

[Aphrodite]

What is your favourite type of monument?

Three if by sea.

[madasacutsnake]

What's the name of that crappy Sandra Bullock movie?

It is worthwhile selling everything you possess to get one.

[agentsmith]

do you think i need a power cleanse?


sure, i dont see why not. i'll see to it as soon as i can.

[madasacutsnake]

Please could you dig a hole 2 feet wide by one and a half feet deep?

It's a very interesting thing that barely rates a mention in the literature.

[Avalon]

How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?

I can't help it, that is what the officer said.

[madasacutsnake]

What made you think you had the right to an attorney?

I'm not a pheasant plucker, I'm a pheasant plucker's son.

[Avalon]

You're covered with feathers!! Are you that pheasant plucker?


Susie lives by the seashore selling seashells

[madasacutsnake]

Do you think Susie lives anywhere near Peter Piper?

Six thick thistle sticks.

[funkytuba]

What did the sixth sick shiek's sixth sheep eat to make it sick?


Moderate body odor and four hairpins.

[Hyakujo's Fox]

And what did you have to show for eight hours of hard work?


A lemon got stuck in my nose.

[Coffee]

How come you smell so good when you pick your nose?

a noxx

[agentsmith]

what is that up your sleeve?


only in your dreams!

[Avalon]

Will there be peace on earth, or atleast on this board?;)

I found it behind the Salvation Army store.

[catbelly]

Where did you get that great suit?


I feel the need to scream.

[lapietra]

How do you feel when someone tries to pull a guilt trip on you?


Yeah, me too.

[nycwriters]

I think that's bratwurst my coworker is eating -- the smell makes me hungry, you?

Dr. Doolittle

[catbelly]

Have you ever met a man who understands push-me-pull-you?


tuna sashimi

[nycwriters]

What is the spicy sushi that I really love?

Fancy pants.

[Avalon]

What are those "mantie" things anyway?

At the bus terminal.

[nycwriters]

OH MOM! Guess where I met my new fiancee?!!

*SCREEEECH!*

[Avalon]

Who was your favorite character on "Saved by The Bell?"

This milk is expired!

[nycwriters]

What did the smartass doctor say to a post-menopausal woman?

Bada bing.

[Avalon]

What is the name of the club that Tony Soprano owns?

Weasels in the hen house.

[Hyakujo's Fox]

What's that squeaking noise?


Yes, but you'd have call me Rudy.

[agentsmith]

do you wanna hehe....have a bit of fun...



AAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!G ACKT!!!!!!!!!

[Spicy Jack]

Do you want to see my manites?

Its on the table.

[agentsmith]

where'd your left testicle go?????



ah, i see.....

[lapietra]

Let me just adjust your neck a bit - all clear now?


Man, is *that* a relief.

[Avalon]

Did you say my pregnancy test is negative?
It is called a bus ticket; use it!

[esjessi]

What will enable me to terrorize a new transportation system?

Here's a coathanger and a flashlight, honey.

[lapietra]

Will you help me get these mice out from under the fridge?


A nut-covered cheese log.

[Avalon]

What did you get for Christmas?

Men in Black.

[Spicy Jack]

Who are you trying to dress like?

Waving my arms and running in circles.

[lapietra]

How do you propose to put out the fire?

A very large band-aid.

[Spicy Jack]

What should I use to cover my nipples?

Its very sticky.

[lapietra]

What is one of the more prominent attributes of Scotch tape?


A very painful lower back.

[funkytuba]

What did the 380-lb dancer's partner get when he tried to catch her?



Hit for the cycle... specifically, a tricycle.

[rapscalious rob]

My neighbor wants to know what kind of cycle to get for his pet walrus.What to you recommend I hit for?

For fun, dammit.

[esjessi]

Why do you spend hours each day watching ze dance sexilly on your computer?

But I shaved my toes yesterday, Mom!

[daverbee]

Why is there hair trailing all over when you walk on the floor?

Cigarettes and fried breakfasts.

[lapietra]

What are two things that contribute to Dinz's overwhelming sexiness?

Copper wire and a coral necklace.

[Spicy Jack]

What will be the outfits of the future?

I don't like them in green.

[lapietra]

Here are the midgets you ordered - why are you frowning?


A looong furry tail that caresses your legs as it passes by.

[lapietra]

What's one of the things I like best about kitties?


A big ol' growly bear with a hangover.

[Spicy Jack]

How would you describe yourself in the morning?

Usually on the first Wed. of the month.

[lapietra]

When's your favorite time to do a nude hike?


5 t-pins and a red stapler.

[daverbee]

How can you possibly stay in that outfit?

Not really...no...definitely not...well, maybe...OK.

[Spicy Jack]

Wanna see my kitty?

Those are my favorite!

[dinzdale]

High waist-band Italian silk?




from green to red in 0.2 seconds.

[Spicy Jack]

what do you get when you put a frog in a blender?

with marshmellows

[dinzdale]

How do you improve on edible underwear?


just about right.

[Spicy Jack]

Aren't those manties a little snug?

I didn't see it.

[dinzdale]

Wasnt that the Invisible Cat?


Posh, Baby, Sporty and Jack.

[Spicy Jack]

Name four things that make you hot:

How did you get up there?

[funkytuba]

What did my mom ask me when I was 2 and was gallavanting around on the roof with my 12 yr old sister?


22 blue pens, a skate key and pair of granny panties previously worn by Juice Newton.

[Spicy Jack]

What are you selling on ebay?

fine. just fine!

[funkytuba]

What was Bush's directive to the FCC after the Unfortunate Superbowl Wardrobe Malfunction Incident (USWMI)?



Because it's sunny outside and I'm unmotivated.

[daverbee]

Why aren't you at work today?

Funkytuba said it'd be OK.

[dinzdale]

Why are we in the nudie bar again?


all the way home.

[Spicy Jack]

Were you thinking about me?

It was on fire.

[nycwriters]

What happened to your pants again? ;)

Rendered speechless.

[daverbee]

What is George Bush's usual response when confronted with a question he isn't expecting?

Parsley, sage, rosemary, and thyme.

[Avalon]

What are those herbs that Simon and Garfunkle are so crazy about?

The Animaniacs

[Spicy Jack]

Who do moel and fodder remind you of?

Step in time.

[Aphrodite]

What do Chimney sweeps sing on rooftops?


Put it in the bank.

[Spicy Jack]

What did you call that last move of yours?

Over my head.

[daverbee]

Why can't you reach stuff on the top shelf?

Cat puke.

[funkytuba]

What does the dog like best, next to baby poop?



I'm really very tired of that.

[Klynne]

Why won't you answer my question, do you prefer boxers, briefs, or manties?

Shaken not stirred.

[Aphrodite]

What is the meanest way to wake you up in the morning?


A guitar riff.

[lapietra]

What does Eddie Van Halen's snoring sound like?

Lots and lots and lots and lots of flowers.

[Spicy Jack]

Whats a sure way to get a girl to swoon?

Its in my backpack.

[daverbee]

Did you bring the first aid kit?

Not yet, but soon...soon.

[lapietra]

Are you ready with your urine sample yet, Mr. Daverbee?


It <i>is</i> a womens' issue.

[daverbee]

You really want to know if that outfit makes you look fat?

Not a snowballs chance.

[Avalon]

soo, ya gonna vote for Bush?


I am taking it to the basement right now!

[trisherina]

Where's the farking toilet plunger?

Try your grandmother's hope chest.

[daverbee]

What happened to all my parent's shattered dreams?

Grape Koolaid, a seagull, and half a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.

[funkytuba]

What are the required ingredients for a screaming messy two year old at the beach picinic?


A jar of whole almonds.

[trisherina]

How'd you get that horrible rash?

The rich smell of Corinthian leather.

[Avalon]

Do you know what Ricardo Montalban reminds me of?

Do you want fries with that?

[daverbee]

Wait a minute...ummmm...now that you've asked me a question, I'm obligated to answer it, but this is the Ask/Answer thread not the Answer/Ask thread which means...oh, fark it! No. Would you like some?

Not much.

[Avalon]

Fark me..I shoulda said..Hey..You're getting fries with that!!!!

anyway...

Do you know how to play this thread, Ava?

You are getting 2 orders of fries and a frosty for that one!

[daverbee]

What was Condoleeza Rice's payment for her testimony?

After the last time, it might take a little tweaking.

[Avalon]

Do you think we are back on track now?

The dog ate my homework.

[lapietra]

What happened to your Home Ec project?

A pink sash, a salad, and a cell phone.

[Hyakujo's Fox]

What are the three essential objects for a beauty queen?


Vincent van Gogh's other ear.

[daverbee]

Did I just see you buy something on ebay?

Tool carts and fried shrimp.

[Avalon]

What are today's specials?

Because California is trying to ban Oreos.

[daverbee]

Why did you move to Ohio?

Fizzy and sweet.

[Spicy Jack]

How would you describe Orangina?

By the pound.

[daverbee]

Rather than dollars, francs, lira, or rupees how are English people paid?

Not until you brush your teeth.

[funkytuba]

Want some spit?


Like a flame-retardant albino ferret.

[Spicy Jack]

How would you decribe your dance style?

Just last week I saw two of them!

[lapietra]

I hope no one noticed when my boob fell out of my dress...

Both intrigued and repelled.

[daverbee]

Wanna watch me do the Dinzdance?

I think you should call a someone with experience in these kind of situations.

[Spicy Jack]

Should we tell Daver how he looks doing the Dinzdance?

In an alcoholic stupor.

[daverbee]

How does one prepare to do the Dinzdance?

A wire brush should do the trick!

[Gatsby]

How can I get this red paint off my hands?

You have the right to an attorney. If you cannot afford one, one will be appointed for you. You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law.

[Spicy Jack]

Ya wanna touch my manties?

I'm sick and tired of it!

[Avalon]

Why don't you want to touch my manties?

Under the Touscan Sun.

[Clytie]

Who let that in here?

Due to the lack of view support we were forced to take it off air.

[Gatsby]

What happened to Bush's reality TV show?

Because I said STOP IT! STOP IT! If you don't STOP IT I'm going to KILL YOU!

[daverbee]

Why'd you hide the remote?

Any friend of Dinz's is a friend of mine!

[funkytuba]

What are the criteria under which Beale might get a shot at the Nolan sisters?


4 inch long splinters in my fingers and lower arms.

[daverbee]

How'd the training in being a porcupine handler go?

If I've told you once, I've told you a thousand times, don't do that!

[dinzdale]

Here Daver....can you do this ????



Well it looks Ok, try to move it around.

[daverbee]

Are knees supposed to bend this way?

If you really must, go ahead, but wear your seatbelt...and some clean underpants.

[dinzdale]

Can you start the inertia-drive's main engine please ?



absolutely free !!!

[daverbee]

How does it feel to throw off those manties?

Wallpaper.

[trisherina]

What scrubs better than flat latex paint?

The third finger of your left hand.

[Coffee]

Did you hear what the administration is planning on cutting now?

A pot.

[Gatsby]

Hey, what kind of plant is that?

a two-way mirror

[Magpie]

What kind of mirror did Dinz put in the Mens Room at work?

A long thin sticky one.

[daverbee]

What happened when the first Roman Numeral fell in the molassess vat?

It exceeds all expectations.

[lapietra]

How do you feel about the new ultra-smooth brand of Manties?

Happy and fluffy.

[Spicy Jack]

What did you name your two new baby possums?

With a little bit of butter.

[Avalon]

How would Beale serve Lala's oppossums?

I can't help it, that is what the directions said!

[lapietra]

Why are there twenty-four live blackbirds in this pie?

I've always heard the best way is just to be yourself.

[daverbee]

What's the most tried and true method of playing yourself in a movie?

The Autobiography of A Mantie Eater.

[Gatsby]

I heard you're working on a book - what's it called?

a green parrot

[daverbee]

What happens when you make a parrot jealous?

Tree stumps and iced tea with lemon.

[laughingbuddha]

Who is the invisible one?

It squawks

[weissenflatz]

What sound did the Dodo make?

Just add bubbles

[laughingbuddha]

When did the dodo's go extinct?

dodo, hence the name

[daverbee]

Do dodos doo-doo?

That didn't make any sense at all!

[xerocs]

Remember that one time we did that one thing in that one place and then that thing happened?

Naked.

[weissenflatz]

E=MC2 ?

True love is within grasp

[Avalon]

If you are hurling midgets, where do you grab them?;)

I used it to get the blood stains out.

[weissenflatz]

Mhmn. I wonder what this stuff does?

Yes, you can put that in your mouth

[daverbee]

Are these my false teeth?

All in all you're just another brick in The Wall!

[funkytuba]

I need a Pink Floyd quote for my .sig file when posting to usenet. Got one handy?


Take a double handful of chocolate chips, crush them with a hydraulic press, then hose it out with grenadine into a 5 gallon pail. Sprinkle Desenex. Garnish with a stinky sock.

[Spicy Jack]

What was that drink recipe you told me about again?

I have a whole truck full.

[funkytuba]

I'm a little low on AOL CDs. Where can I find some?



Quit askin me for that.... I gotta turn it in for my class project at the end of the term.

[lapietra]

You gonna eat the rest of that McGriddle?


50 reams of bright red paper.

[weissenflatz]

What's the best way to camouflage an octopus in the red sea?

1+1=3

[daverbee]

Mr. President, how much is 1 + 1?

When the catfish is in bloom.

[weissenflatz]

What rhymes to: I prefer the earlier versions of the game called Doom?

No, it will not hurt

[daverbee]

Will it hurt if I hook this car battery to my tongue?

Pressure washers and lawn mowers.

[Avalon]

What are the worst gifts I have ever gotten?

There is enough for everyone; stop shoving!

[weissenflatz]

Anyone some more mashed potato?

Because he only has one leg

[Avalon]

Why did that guy's parents name him "Eileen" ?

More and more every day.

[weissenflatz]

How many oval offices are there?

Without them, I wouldn't leave the house

[Avalon]

Where are my manties???

By presidential order.

[weissenflatz]

Why do you think she swallowed?

I'm not jealous

[Avalon]

How do you like my pink manties?

As many fish are in the sea.

[weissenflatz]

How much do you love me?

I told you not to smell that thing

[funkytuba]

Wow... you weren't kidding when you said your bathroom ate small children for breakfast, were you?



A stern lowland gorilla staring at me.

[weissenflatz]

Now go back in time. What do you see when you think of your father?

[Hyakujo's Fox]

Are you ignoring me?



37 days in a wheelbarrow.

[funkytuba]

What was an insufficient attempt to compensate for not getting an invitation to the ark?


Idiotic project managers and empty Dr Pepper cans.

[weissenflatz]

What the most irritating for a geek?

Yes, the mellons are real

[daverbee]

Did she have a boob job or not?

Just keep scrubbing.

[weissenflatz]

Michael J. to Mama J: 'Do you think it's coming off already?'

The Dalaj lama never did..

[daverbee]

Are there any Tibetans who ever won a gold medal in the Olympics?

Poodles.

[weissenflatz]

What do you get if you cross dackshounds with Keith Richard?

It;s in the enveloppe

[daverbee]

Where's my postcard?

Take it out now!

[trisherina]

Is it garbage day?

It's right under your nose!

[agentsmith]

where's my mouth?


wait, what's that you say?

[Aphrodite]

Can you hear me now?

The yummy looking one at the end.

[agentsmith]

want a jelly doughnut?




ERRRRRRRRGHHHHHHHHHH i wish i'd eaten so that i could VOMIT ALL OVER THAT!!!!

[Aphrodite]

What goes through a fly's mind when he lands on a jelly doughnut?

A right turn.

[Hyakujo's Fox]

What's better than a wrong turn?




He was missing two fingers.

[weissenflatz]

I'm lost. How many beers did he order?

Not on mondays

[Hyakujo's Fox]

Do you wear that same pair of underpants everyday?



Buried in a box in the garden, inside an envelope labelled "Beware of the penguin".

[weissenflatz]

Where did you hide that note, with the penguin warning?

Because half-hard will do too!

[daverbee]

What's a good reason to take a half pill of Viagra?

Don't leave home without it.

[weissenflatz]

Mum, should I wear a hat today?

Because the streets are wet.

[daverbee]

Why are you wearing those rubber boots?

Filters.

[trisherina]

What keeps pack a day grandma from having lung cancer?

Sometimes it's better you don't know.

[daverbee]

What did you do last night?

The pianoforte.

[lapietra]

What is one instrument that will very likely never be included in a marching band?

White-Out and a tiara.

[dinzdale]

What did you wear onstage last night La's?


Heavy duty underwear.

[lapietra]

What is Dinz hoping he'll get in his Christmas stocking this year (to replace his Manties)?

An empty box of Kleenex.

[daverbee]

What will Dinz use until Christmas?

Koolaid, and a school bus.

[agentsmith]

what was that horrible destucto robot made of?



GRAR now im mad! *flex flex*

[weissenflatz]

Hej Mr. Hulk, no knew I was joking, right?


Three fridges

[daverbee]

How did the Mustapha Brothers escape from Szegerely?

You'll probably find him in the Crazy Loquat Club.

[weissenflatz]

where's Beale?

I think I prefer the next answer.