Ask a question, then Answer a new one!

[Hyakujo's Fox]

weissenflatz, would you prefer $1000 dollars or the next answer?


It's an autographed picture of David Hasselhoff!

[Avalon]

What did you win at the White Elephant raffle?

It is in the desk drawer.

[Hyakujo's Fox]

Where's the key to the desk drawer?



You can keep it.

[weissenflatz]

Where's grandma's defibrillator?

My memory is full.

[daverbee]

Got anywhere I can keep this virtual taco?

It just keeps going and going and going...

[Avalon]

Any thoughts on the Thread Killers thread?

An amazing amount of toothpaste and turtle wax.

[Spicy Jack]

How did you get Dinz so nice and shiney?

I baked them myself.

[dinzdale]

Are they really your buns?



slowly but Shirley.

[funkytuba]

Whats an alternative to the phrase "Laverne without haste"?



Your mother, your uncle, four of your cousins and your grandmother's chiahuahua.

[Avalon]

Guess who is staying in your room when they come to visit?

A lemming farm.

[agentsmith]

what is in your sock this very instant?



a very horny jrocker sex slave.

[dinzdale]

What did Agent come to the party dressed as?



a lemon entry my dear Watson.

[lapietra]

What did Sherlock Holmes reply when Dr. Watson asked which entrance he should use to park his car?

:rolleyes:


Ay caramba.

[Avalon]

Would you like to do a Mexican Hat dance for us?

An Oscar Mayer weiner.

[red]

What does beale truly want to be?

Peppermint please.

[dinzdale]

What flavour Preparation H do you want?


some black electrical tape and a womabt.

[lapietra]

What did the pirate ask his parrot to put between his pursed lips?


Multi-coloured satin patches with huge silver cuffs and lapels.

[Avalon]

What do have stashed under your desk?

Wonder Woman, Bat Man and Mighty Mouse.

[weissenflatz]

He Avalon, if groupsex would be your thing, thne who would be your partners?

In first gear, dear.

[daverbee]

How fast do you want the vibrator to go?

You should have seen that one coming!

[daverbee]

Am I answering myself again?

Yes.

[Aphrodite]

Were you brave in saying yes when the question could have been anything?

Maybe.

[agentsmith]

does this mean we'll never meet again?





oh, sure, lots of times.

[daverbee]

Did you enjoy your "first time"?

Pepperoni pizza and contact cement go well with that.

[agentsmith]

what should i serve with this lovely flan?



brass pumps.

[Gatsby]

Aren't those Madonna's shoes?

Saltine crackers

[agentsmith]

what did the surgeon say was the cause of the stomach rupture?




to shreds, you say?

[funkytuba]

To which state, in retrospect, does Beale wish that speedo picture had been ripped the day it was taken?



Yours..... definitely yours and not mine.

[agentsmith]

whose stained blankie is that?



a new haircut.

[Avalon]

Did you lose weight, or a limb? what is different?

Two tablespoons of salt and Fuki plum wine.

[agentsmith]

what did they pump out of your stomach besides those carkeys?



im not authorized for that, sorry.

[funkytuba]

Do you fnord see fnord anything funny fnord in this newsfnord paper?


Eleven pairs of shoes that are 1/2 size too small.

[Avalon]

All but one of our 12 kids is sitting still; how'd you manage that?

Tied to the tree in the front yard, ofcourse.

[agentsmith]

where is your gimp?





check that out!

[funkytuba]

Itchy the killer just came back from an extended rental... what should I do?



Sleep deprivation leading first to fatigue, then to hallucinations, and finally to unrecoverable psychosis.

[agentsmith]

what are the symptoms of not renting ichi the killer?


you say that now

[weissenflatz]

Honey, you don't have to swallow, you know?

I'd like mine mixed with honey

[daverbee]

Once she spits that out, whattya wanna do with it?

No, no, no, a thousand times no.

[Aphrodite]

Do you have to exagerate everything?

He said I had a nice...personality!

[agentsmith]

what did that man say after viewing your porno?

oh no you didnt!!!!!! *bitch slap*

[Avalon]

Did you know I saw your picture on America's Most Wanted?

14 sheep and a hot air balloon.

[Klynne]

What is JT's idea of a perfect date?

No, you keep your hands off that Mr.!!!!!

[Gatsby]

Is that cherry pie?

Warp speed, Dr. Zulu

[weissenflatz]

I have a dentist appointment. Can we go faster?

it takes two to tango

[Audreyvgs]

Can we three dance?


In a straight line please.

[weissenflatz]

how do we apply for a visa?

two Martinis!

[daverbee]

What's for breakfast?

Three martinis.

[laughingbuddha]

Whats for lunch?

four martinis

[Hyakujo's Fox]

what's for dinner?


five martinis.

[weissenflatz]

Coffee, anyone?

6 martinis

[laughingbuddha]

Are you drunk?

seven martinis

[Hyakujo's Fox]

How many fingers am I holding up?

Eight martinis

[laughingbuddha]

Is that your hand or ur butt?

Nine

[Hyakujo's Fox]

What would you give this thread out of ten?

He tobogganed all the way.

[laughingbuddha]

Is that his 10th martini?

I see some flesh

[weissenflatz]

What do you think of Frieda's new underwear?

11 monkeys in a row

[funkytuba]

I need to put out a fire. How would you suggest I get the water from the lake?


A baker's dozen.

[daverbee]

What do you get when you have 12 bakers making 13 loaves of bread?

No, I don't think it'll matter that much.

[weissenflatz]

Will they see the difference if I drink 12 or 13 Martinis?

Pff. I'm full.

[Gatsby]

More liver & onions, Weissen?

abstract impressionism

[Klynne]

What does the world look like after 14 martinis?

Here comes the ambulance.

[Gatsby]

Do you think the 15 martinis he drank caused alcohol poisoning?

It's all a blur

[Klynne]

What did you do last night?

I know I should not have done that.

[Avalon]

Why did you agree to model Manties?!

Fuki plum wine.

[Klynne]

What made me vomit purple?

O.k. whatever you want.

[weissenflatz]

Do you want it from behind?

Yeah baby yeah!

[Avalon]

Is there going to be photographer?

Because I said so!

[Magpie]

Why do we always have to take pictures?


The big green knobby one.

[Spicy Jack]

What kind of pickles do you like?

Because size matters.

[nycwriters]

You think I'm going to let you wear spandex on stage mister? uh, huh, no way.

Feelings, nothing more than feeeelings ....

[red]

What is Beale's theme song?

Kukla, Fran and Ollie.

[Avalon]

Who are the three missing monkeys?

Yeah, like that is going to happen!

[Gatsby]

Take that out of your mouth - don't you know where that's been???

tongue stud

[weissenflatz]

What was the nickname of the guy who gave you oral pleasure?

I dropped it.

[Spicy Jack]

What happened to your science project?

foward, side, together, back, side, together

[dinzdale]

Can you read Karma Sutra position # 47 back to me again?


Damn Skippy!

[Spicy Jack]

Are you gonna put that smelly underwear back on again?

[dinzdale]

* ahem*

[Spicy Jack]

Are you gonna put that smelly underwear back on again?


Because it is dark outside.

[lapietra]

Why are you wearing that flourescent bikini?

Three-quarters of a small veggie pizza.

[Klynne]

Whats for dinner?

Vacation! Yeah!

[Hyakujo's Fox]

Where are you going and can I come?


The International Space Station.

[Spicy Jack]

Where should we send Dinz?


I have all of them.

[daverbee]

Have you ever seen the Dinzdale trading cards they put in chewing gum wrappers now?


Potter's clay, copper pipe, and No-Doz.

[weissenflatz]

What will you bring for our midsummernights party?

No, she has braces

[Spicy Jack]

So, did you make out with her?


I didn't feel a thing.

[Klynne]

How did you feel after you drank that fifth of voldka?

Drinks and dinner

[Spicy Jack]

How would you like me to repay you?


I smelt something funny.

[Klynne]

Why are you making that face?

Chips and Dip and Chains and whips

[Spicy Jack]

What is the name of your band again?


Not without my favorite hat!

[Klynne]

Do you like to dance naked?

Ok, just one more and I have to go.

[Spicy Jack]

Can you pick me up and spin me around again?


It was greenish and kinda furry.

[Klynne]

What did that five pound brick of cheese you bought last Christmas look like?

It is so cold.

[imdrsmooth]

What did it feel like in your arm pit?

Cactus, purple and fluffy.

[Klynne]

What is your favorite stuffed toy?

Packed my bags.

[imdrsmooth]

Are you leaving on a jet plane?

the taco is moldy.

[Spicy Jack]

What is going to be the secret code phrase?

It is not until tomorrow.

[imdrsmooth]

When is the peanut butter being smeared on my chest?

Monkey babies!

[Klynne]

What happens when monkeys get together and don't use protection?

I prefer crunchy peanut butter.

[imdrsmooth]

What kind of peanut butter are you smearing on my chest?

Meow, woof, bark

[Spicy Jack]

Did you just say something?


It takes at least two.

[imdrsmooth]

How many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie roll tootsie pop?

it kind of looked like a shoe.

[Spicy Jack]

What was that thing you were chewing on?


It had condensation all over it.

[Klynne]

What do you think that was?

Ouch! That hurts.

[imdrsmooth]

What do you say when someone touches your elbow?

No, not that one, the other one!

[Spicy Jack]

Do you think the prize will be behind door B?


For four weeks, twice a day.

[Hyakujo's Fox]

How often do you have to apply the ointment?


It's all natural.

[red]

Is that your real hair color?

Ala peanutbutter sandwiches!

[straymonk]

What do REAL magicians say?

My nose is stuffed up.

[Hyakujo's Fox]

What were Elvis's last words?


Behind the couch.

[lapietra]

Where's the best place for you to hide in case my (imaginary) boyfriend comes home? :p

Organic souvenirs. :D

[straymonk]

sorry, HF. but I like the way it flows now, too.
--------------------

What should I bring back to Lala from this business trip?

Vaseline

[lapietra]

What should only be used to grease the upper lips of cheerleaders and squeaky doorknobs?

My undivided attention. ;)

[Hyakujo's Fox]

What could I get in exchange for an organic souvenir?


I found it on a park bench.

[lapietra]

What a lovely organic souvenir! Where did you get it?


Lovely and slippery.

[straymonk]

How do you prefer your organic souvenirs?

You can leave your hat on.

[lapietra]

How would you like me to dress for our date?


Whenever you like.

[masterofNone]

when are you two going to get a room?


like a steam room.

[lapietra]

How are you finding Virginia this time of year?


Crunchy.

[straymonk]

How are you finding Virginia this time of year?

The face that launched a thousand ships.

[weissenflatz]

What was Medusa nickname?

I'd love to go deep inside

[trisherina]

Are you ready for the next autopsy?

I think that's the way it's always been done.

[lapietra]

Have you ever done it this way before?


Burning with... curiosity. ;)

[straymonk]

Are you hot, or is it just me?

Jacuzzis.

[funkytuba]

What's one of the umpteen gazillion words that can "cleverly" :rolleyes: be responded to with "Gueseundheidt!"?


It just sort of conked out, and I was left there holding the controls and saying "crap".

[weissenflatz]

What happened when you took control over the Titanic?

Let me go!

[Hyakujo's Fox]

What did you say when they called for a volunteer to go undercover investigating the porno industry?

From midnight til dawn.

[trisherina]

When do you sleep most nights?

We fall off whenever it stops whirling.

[Hyakujo's Fox]

What's the biggest danger of living on Earth?


It's nothing like the other one.

[weissenflatz]

What does this wastebin remind you of?

Very oldskool!

[daverbee]

How was spelling klass?

Mozart.

[Aphrodite]

What was the name of the Afghan dog the neighbours had when I was young?


Bubble Wrap for sure.

[masterofNone]

what will i need before i start packing to move?

a half pack of marlboro lights.

[Hyakujo's Fox]

What did you use to make this pot pourri?

A monster under the bed.

[ch_burchill]

What makes vacuuming the bedroom utterly difficult?

As rat-arsed as can be.

[weissenflatz]

What did your mother look like like after giving birth to you?


Not in your size ma'am..

[Gatsby]

Do you have that in red patent leather?

salt and lime

[masterofNone]

what did you cover the body in your backyard with?


the rules of engagement.

[daverbee]

What has the Bush Administration thrown out the window?

It's too long an explanation to go into here.

[Spicy Jack]

Why are you wearing nothing but a tool belt and manties?


Oh, I thought it was something else.

[Klynne]

Why did you pick up those rabbit turds and put them in your mouth?

I am getting around to it.

[agentsmith]

when are you going to clean that shit off your chin?



i dont know, why dont you ask your little friend there....

[Klynne]

Do you represent the Lollipop men?

There is no place like home.

[weissenflatz]

What did you just tell that life-time-prisoner?

some juice, a candy bar and this rubber thing in found in my sisters closet

[Hyakujo's Fox]

What's you definition of "a good night in"?

The Police Academy movies.

[weissenflatz]

What are you writing your doctorate about?

It's hanging there

[agentsmith]

where'd your head go?



conan gorba-shin

[ch_burchill]

How do you say "butterfly" in French?

Maybe 5, but at least 2.

[Aphrodite]

How many billiard balls can you fit in your mouth at one time?

Break time!

[Hyakujo's Fox]

What did you think when your boss fell down the stairs?

Yes, but I only do it during the commericals.

[ch_burchill]

Do you do it?

This is not what I had anticipated!

[straymonk]

Mr. President, how do you feel about the spiralling gas prices in the wake of the Iraq War?

I did what my daddy told me to.

[weissenflatz]

Why did you shave your balls?

Never on mondays!

[straymonk]

Can Johnny come out to play?

Chocolate sauce.

[weissenflatz]

what do you like to cover your butt with?

Oh, I was just thinking aloud..

[Hyakujo's Fox]

What's that "clip-clop, clip-clop" noise?

A pair of socks and one very angry turtle.

[Avalon]

What did you declare at customs?

Snow White and 6 of the 7 drawves (sp)

[Hyakujo's Fox]

What did they find buried in Grumpy's backyard?

The largest pop-up toaster known to man.

[weissenflatz]

What are you hiding in your bra?

Yes, I do hear those voices

[weissenflatz]

bump?

bump!

[agentsmith]

what's that i see on your nose????



i use public toilets and piss on the seat...

[trisherina]

What's even worse than going around in the summertime saying, "How about that heat?"

Dig deeper and maybe you'll find it.

[daverbee]

Did you just drop a penny down your pants?

Not unless your mother says it's OK.

[ally]

can i put itching powder in dad's underwear drawer?

taz jizz.

[Hyakujo's Fox]

What?

I had a sneaking suspicion.

[straymonk]

Is my wife really in league with the butcher?

Sometimes you feel like a nut.

[daverbee]

Would you mind turning your head and coughing?

Sometimes you don't.

[agentsmith]

why did you kill poor richard simmons when he asked you if you felt like exercising with him?


you can do it! no wait, you cant....

[daverbee]

Wanna go climb Mt. Everest naked?

I suggest you use pipe clamps for that.

[Clytie]

what tool should i use for that job?

16 and ready for fun!

[trisherina]

What are you looking for in a woman?

I think you must be thinking of someone else.

[agentsmith]

arent you that person who suceeded in life?

really, im not sure......try asking my toaster....

[weissenflatz]

do I like my bread just slightly brown, or rather scorched?

Yeah, baby yeah!

[daverbee]

Mr. Powers, would you care for a shag?

Right after I finish this, I'll get to that.

[imdrsmooth]

Have you shaved that goat yet?

Wait, the cheese is purple.

[weissenflatz]

after stirring firmly, just add the blue cheese. Spicy can you hand me the cheese please?

these socks are smelly

[Avalon]

Why are you driving with your feet out the window?

the magic conch, Spongebob, and Patrick

[daverbee]

What are you calling that power trio you started with James Hetfield and Ginger Baker?

Chair legs.

[Clytie]

what is your super hero name?

twisted not screwed

[weissenflatz]

a girl to go with your drink; how would you like her?

Not in Santa Barbara.

[daverbee]

Where's Dinzdale?

A cup of sugar and a couple of pipe clamps.

[Clytie]

Go skinny dipping often?

that was my brother!

[agentsmith]

you guys ever hear of the unibomber?


speakerboxx/the love below

[Klynne]

What is in my cd player now?

Dirty laundry.

[agentsmith]

what did you wrap that guy's corpse in when you made me bury it for you?


goddamn! I SAID GODDAMN!

[Avalon]

what did you say when you heard it would be 3 weeks til you would be on the net again?

Hidden in the clover

[agentsmith]

where'd your jrocker companion go?

oh, I SEE HOW IT IS!!!

[Klynne]

I did not mean to wreck your car, do you have some money I can borrow?

Last beer.

[agentsmith]

what was it tom jones stole from your fridge, forcing you to rip out his lungs?

"whatever, babe."

[Klynne]

Do you love me?

That looks really good on you.

[agentsmith]

what do you think of the spinach stuck in my teeth?


please dont do that...you wouldnt like me when im angry...

[Klynne]

Do you like how I rearranged your Jrocker c.d. collection?

Ouch!

[agentsmith]

what did the copper say when he tried to arrest me?


blah blah blah!

[Gatsby]

How's the Bush campaign going these days?

Oh, I wish I were an Oscar Meyer Wiener....

[weissenflatz]

What did that guy in the toilet just mumble to himself?

I'll do it.

[daverbee]

Wanna go over there and see if he is?

The key of e-flat major.

[weissenflatz]

Which did you say you lost?

First left, then from behind.

[funkytuba]

where was that fokker driving the messerschmidt, again?


It smelled like.....lavender...with a 17 year old wrestler's B.O.

[daverbee]

What's that aroma coming from the kitchen?

Turn left at the light, go about three miles, turn right and you're there.

[Clytie]

Do you know where the muffin man lives?


Hot pink and endorsed by Oprah

[Gatsby]

Describe those tennis shoes you're looking for.

a naked man with purple grapes

[daverbee]

Can you describe your last date in six words or less?

Sorry, I ate all the grapes.

[agentsmith]

why wont you come out of the bathroom?

oh, of course you blame the PORPOISE!

[Klynne]

*pointing towards the dolphin tank at Sea World* Why do you always accuse ME of smelling like fish?

That is not real.

[trisherina]

Should I check this for lumps?

Look after it yourself, or else.

[daverbee]

Can you help me move this box of old dynamite?

Not until the concrete gets here.

[funkytuba]

What's holding up the chainsaw enema? Can't we start yet?

My purple speedo's irrelevant.

[daverbee]

You aren't gonna wear that to work this weekend, are you?

Not in a million years.

[Hyakujo's Fox]

Have you exaggerated lately?

Nothing a plunger and a little elbow grease wouldn't fix.

[daverbee]

What's up with Paris Hilton?

Donald Trump's comb over.

[Zaftig]

Now what did I put my keys under this time?

I'm having total gas pains.

[Klynne]

What is wrong with you?

Thank you

[funkytuba]

Should I say "You're welcome"?


Over there... back... back more ... still farther baa.... ooops.

[Hyakujo's Fox]

Can you take my photo in front of this fully operational industrial meat grinder?

I'm sure a few minutes in the microwave will warm it up.

[Gatsby]

How are we going to pass off this dead guy as alive?

a bad rug.

[agentsmith]

you know what that fake stick on pubic hair dinz bought reminds me of?


but chunky vomit stains my clothes!

[Klynne]

Good Lord, what stinks in here?

A big glass of who gives a shvt.

[funkytuba]

What can I get you, Ms. Apathy?


Hamburger Hel-Purrrrrrrrrr.

[trisherina]

Mmm, this stroganoff is tasty! By the way, where's the cat?

I've completely forgotten how.

[Hyakujo's Fox]

Why don't you post in this thread anymore?

A tetanus injection and three weeks in the Bahamas.

[smellyrayzin]

zefrank bit me, what should i do?

nobody knows.

[funkytuba]

What's the trouble I've seen?

One heavily salted potato chip.

[Hyakujo's Fox]

So what's a typical meal consist of on the funkytuba diet?

Nearly twice the average for this time of year.

[craig johnston]

how much mucus is being produced in northern europe?


a long red spicy sausage

[trisherina]

What's the key ingredient to making great jambalaya?

Dust in the wind.

[Avalon]

What was that Kansas song?

That train has left the station.

[Willow Sylph]

Am I too late?

That's a path I choose not to take.

[craig johnston]

hey wanna become a republican?


small, but perfectly formed

[Large Marge]

You've dated JT. How would you describe his penis?

raw eggs and lime green underwear.

[trisherina]

What makes a synesthete happy?

Eternal vigilance.

[craig johnston]

how do you avoid getting dog sh*t on your shoes
as you walk to the subway?


rubber and latex usually

[funkytuba]

What is lidbot's underwear made of?


157 furlongs to the hogshead.

[craig johnston]

i'm sorry, could you say that again?


in a bar in bangkok

[Willow Sylph]

Where did you pick up herpes?

After the blood has been drained.

[Large Marge]

Tell me Mr. Clark, how do you stay looking so young?

Ask zero.

[craig johnston]

how many questions should i ask.

the sexiest thing you can think of!

[Hyakujo's Fox]

What are you wearing RIGHT NOW?

I was only being friendly.

[trisherina]

Why do you keep asking me about Colonel Angus?

It's poking right through the skin.

[zenbabe]

IF YOU BITCHEZ DON'T READ THE RULES AGAIN


THEN I WONT GET SO MAD AND.....THEN.......IF!

[funkytuba]

It's poking right through the skin.

I noticed that Zenbabe's using an icepick as a torture device for people whom she thinks aren't following the thread rules--how does that feel, trish?


A forlorn orange peel resting on a dirty plate on top of the scanner next to the computer.

[Large Marge]

What did funkytuba have for dinner tonight?

I don't know, but it smells.

[funkytuba]

What did Large Marge have for dinner tonight?

A different question, to be sure...

[Large Marge]

What do you ask for when you don't have the answer?

A hangover and a bagpipe.

[Hyakujo's Fox]

What did the scotsman wake up with after a night of heavy drinking?

Two for the price of one.

[zenbabe]

TO GET TO THE OTHER SIDE!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Large Marge]

I think she's lost her mind.

[craig johnston]

what's happened to zenbabe?


oh yes, she's an absolute darling normally.

[funkytuba]

Your star-nosed mole doesn't usually bite people's nipples, does she?


By email at 11:30pm while a client has a critical service-affecting issue.

[Hyakujo's Fox]

How will you hand in your resignation?

Nasty.

[Aphrodite]

How does my home-made Lemon Meringue pie taste?

Magic markers of course!