Ask a question, then Answer a new one!

[Hyakujo's Fox]

What did the witch use to write down her spells after the blood run out?

First green, then yellow, then red.

[Large Marge]

What happens when you put a frog in the blender?

Michael Jackson, Ross Perot and Anna Nicole Smith.

[nite_moccasin]

...All walked into a bar.

The bartender said...

[Large Marge]

...All walked into a bar.

The bartender said...


No, no, no.

Question that answers previous answer.

Answer to unwritten question.

You're going to make zenbabe blow a gasket.

[craig johnston]

hi marge, could you provide us with an example of gobbledegook?


large, red, and throbbing magnificently.

[Hyakujo's Fox]

What did your cardiologist's report conclude?

When it starts to wilt.

[craig johnston]

when should i dispose of this gladiolus?


by rubbing gently just below the tip.

[tsunamimom]

What's the best way to apply a false nail?

because they're colour blind.

love
Jo

[craig johnston]

why should dogs not be given driving licenses?


free porn for the rest of your life.

[Avalon]

What is your fondest wish?

Bake at 350 degrees for 1 hour.

[craig johnston]

can you think of a sentence with two numbers in it?


soft, moist and succulent

[agentsmith]

how shouldnt a tooth feel?


a lumberjack hat.

[craig johnston]

and what exactly was the murder weapon again?


40 feet of rubber hosepipe.

[zero]

what's that you've got stuffed down your trouser leg?

widespread panic

[craig johnston]

what was the reaction to the news of zero's imminent release?


with a big screw.

[trisherina]

How did you celebrate Valentine's day?

In a black plastic garbage bag.

[craig johnston]

where did you spend valentine's day?


a really pissed off beaver.

[agentsmith]

what was it they surgically removed from your ass?


a thousand origami penises

[Hyakujo's Fox]

What did you get for Valentine's Day?

a horrible squeaking noise

[madasacutsnake]

What came out when the surgeon opened his skull?

Because there weren't enough gold buddhas.

[Hyakujo's Fox]

Why are you meditating in front of that garden gnome?

Because you never know who sat there last.

[agentsmith]

why do you always lick your seat clean on the bus before sitting down?


a song for a lady.

[craig johnston]

how would you describe 'god save the queen' by the sex pistols?


like a tramps armpit.

[agentsmith]

so how do you look this morning?


deviled eggs.

[Coffee]

What did the nun get after having sex with a demon?

A cell phone and a fast car.

[craig johnston]

so, what else do we need for the bank robbery coff?


intelligent, witty and charming.

[agentsmith]

how would you describe a chunk of mouldy gouda?

"those bastards had better keep away from my moustache."

[rapscalious rob]

What did the agent growl on the way to the barbershop?

Yeah, it hurts like hell, but I’ve learned to live with it.

[trisherina]

Have you ever had your heart broken?

Singing in the shower.

[lapietra]

What on earth were you doing in there that sounded like you were strangling a cat crossed with a cow in heat?*



A collection of animated shorts from around the world.








*sorry... pretty weak... :rolleyes:

[rapscalious rob]

What exactly is it that makes your pants bulge so strangely?

Thousand year old egg sounds more appealing.

[Aphrodite]

Would you like me to cook something for you? (heh heh heh)


It came from Amanda's funky smelling fridge.

[madasacutsnake]

Whose is that head on a plate?

It gave me concussion.

[craig johnston]

what did you think of that death metal cd?


very windy.

[daverbee]

How did you like the bean burritos?

Morning has broken!

[craig johnston]

what is your least favourite song ever?


long, thin and slightly bent.

[Hyakujo's Fox]

How do vaulters prefer their poles?

short, fat and dead straight

[craig johnston]

how do poles prefer their popes?


all wobbly like jelly.

[Clytie]

what is the consistancy of the soup?

a toasted bagel with light cream cheese

[craig johnston]

what was hitler's idea of a great breakfast?


rolling around in mud naked.

[Klynne]

What does CJ do for a living?

You make me very angry

[Coffee]

What does one sometimes hear before one hears very large explosions on Mars?

A rabbit.

[Klynne]

What creature asks "Whats up Doc?"

I can't believe you just said that.

[karma_queen]

Doesn't the fact that Gap's clothes are made in third world sweatshops make them even more satisfying to wear?

Bananas

[craig johnston]

what is your favourite woody allen film?


sticky, and it smells of fish.

[Aphrodite]

What is anchovie paste like?

It wasn't like that when I left yesterday.

[craig johnston]

what have you done to ze's site aphro?!


it fits perfectly into my mouth.

[12"razormix]

what was your excuse last time?


exactly 12 inches.

[craig johnston]

^^^^
*huh?*

how big is your razormix?


just grab it and pull as hard as you can.

[12"razormix]

is your razormix glued on??


a few pebbles and a sponge

[trisherina]

How did you achieve that wonderful stippling effect?

A water pistol filled with grape Kool-Aid.

[craig johnston]

what weapon did you hold up the health food store with?


cup them in your hands and then jiggle.

[12"razormix]

why was barry finkelstein's purple rain video rejected by prince?


it happened on the 10th of june.

[12"razormix]

- why can't i delete this?

sorry cj ! -

[craig johnston]

lol! it doesn't fit trish's answer either!!
you can't delete but you can change it.
:)

[karma_queen]

when did craig johnston last clear out his private message box

don't you wish he would clear out his private messages again?

[craig johnston]

huh?

ok, let's go back to:

cup them in your hands and then jiggle.

[trisherina]

What's the most inefficient way to scramble eggs?

Call this number and ask for Rocco.

[12"razormix]

lol! it doesn't fit trish's answer either!!
you can't delete but you can change it.
:)

thanks for constantly correcting me. :)

[craig johnston]

how are we gonna offload all that smoked tofu we stole trish?


squeeze gently until it starts to stiffen.

[trisherina]

How do you kill a kitten in the most excruciating manner possible?

Wink at 12"razormix.

[zero]

what would i give my right eye to do?

manta ray

[craig johnston]

could you give me your full name please mr manta?


by squeezing the nuts until they are dry.

[zero]

hey cjthedj could you post yet another double-entendre please?

large areas could be reduced to rubble

[craig johnston]

what could be the result of zero losing his
temper due to the large number of risqué
answers posted by craig johnston?


something without any possible connection to sex.

[trisherina]

What created the Shut Up Man?

The Platonic ideal.

[12"razormix]

12"razomrix & zero


wink wink

[zero]

could you make a noise a bit like a duck with it's beak taped-up please 2ft1"axmirror?

THANKS!

[12"razormix]

how do you express your complete agreement without reservations?


you're welcome :p

[zero]

THANKS!!

just over the easten horizon

[craig johnston]

where is the sense in this thread?


by splitting itself into two new ones.

[trisherina]

How does the planaria regenerate?

Two turntables and a microphone.

[zero]

WHERE'S IT AT?

:eek: HOW DARE YOU!!

[trisherina]

Pardon me, but would you mind submitting to a rectal exam?

I'd like a shoe with cheese on it, force it down my throat, and I want to massage your grandmother.

[Hyakujo's Fox]

What does "In feite blijvend door twijfel aangestaard, was liefde net kwartet maar jij miste de vierde kaart..." translate to?

Rotating underpants.

[craig johnston]

what can you see behind this lady?

http://www.dreamstone.com.au/artists/michael_whelan_images/weblarge/Friday.jpg

a completely innocent, asexual and in no way smutty thing.

[Hyakujo's Fox]

What do you think about the way that woman's breast is popping out?

three and a half tons of lettuce.

[trisherina]

What did Harvey eat?

It leaves a trail like a snail.

[madasacutsnake]

What does the legless horny woman's **** leave behind?

and a bucket of soya sauce.

[craig johnston]

so that's five number 43, seven number 32, two with
shrimp and five with chicken, three number 78, the
vegetarian one, and 10 special fried rice. anything
else to go with that?


a rumbling sound, not unlike distant thunder.

[Clytie]

when you hear this sound...turn the page.

behind the stairwell with the kittens.

[craig johnston]

where have you put the neighbours prized pet
mouse which we agreed to look after while they
are away?


ectoplasm and chips.

[trisherina]

What's Herman Melville's favourite food these days?

Strong coffee with half and half, no sugar.

[zero]

what's that on your chin?


a danger to society

[craig johnston]

could you describe the shut up man in four words please?


400 garden gnomes.

[Hyakujo's Fox]

What does your "amazing new tourist attraction that rivals China's famous terracotta army" actually consist of?

They x-rayed it and found a mobile phone inside.

[trisherina]

What's new with the authentication of the Shroud of Turin?

The surrey with the fringe on top.

[Hyakujo's Fox]

What tunes can you belch?

It was something I picked up in the Greek Islands.

[madasacutsnake]

What's that canker from?

I think it needs more smiley faces.

[Hyakujo's Fox]

How's that suicide note going?

BBQ sauce.

[madasacutsnake]

Describe his discharge to me in two words?

Lights off.

[craig johnston]

what was the last thing that mr jackson said before
the 'incident' little boy?


because i needed money fast.

[Max Headroom]

Why I sold my left Kidney.

600 Lbs.

[trisherina]

How much weight does the average person gain and lose in the course of a lifetime?

That's thirty-five, in dog years.

[Kerin]

So tell me. How long have you been having these reocurring dreams where you are pooping on the lawn?

mmmmmm chocolate chip pancakes

[craig johnston]

so, what's your idea of a perfect breakfast mr gaddafi? (deja vu!)


slim, but incredibly well-toned.

[funkytuba]

I hear you got a new cell phone... whats it like?

half-empty yogurt containers perched atop two dirty cereal bowls and a juice box.

[Avalon]

Cool centerpiece; what's it made of?

It used to belong to Michael Jackson!!

[craig johnston]

hey, where did you get that chimp?


because you are a miserable sinner!

[trisherina]

Why am I attracted to penguins?

Tie it to the fencepost and feed it some barley.

[Max Headroom]

What should I do with the business man that followed me home?

Four Fingers.

[daverbee]

What's Paris Hilton's favorite "assistant" nicknamed?

Aluminum wheels.

[craig johnston]

what is the last missing piece you
need to 'pimp your ride' daver?



a piece of string, two corks and a matchstick.

[Hyakujo's Fox]

What did you get back when you sent away for the kit to make your penis two inches longer?

I keep it wrapped in my handerchief.

[craig johnston]

how are you attempting to enlarge your member?


sweet and funky soul sounds baby!

[trisherina]

What's the background music in heaven?

Look it up in the Yellow Pages under "Instruments."

[craig johnston]

where can i find a cor anglais?

no.

[trisherina]

Are you providing adequately for your retirement?

You wouldn't step in it, so don't put your hands in it!

[craig johnston]

mommy, can i stick my finger in this ectoplasm?


earthquake, plagues, fires and pestilence.

[Hyakujo's Fox]

What is covered by your "end times" insurance policy?

99% of household germs.

[craig johnston]

what is under h.fox's fingernails?


naked on a raft with geena davis.

[Aphrodite]

Where was your wife last night Craig?

Putting Bumper stickers on police cars.

[daverbee]

What was your job description again?

Vacationing in the Cayman Islands.

[craig johnston]

what were you doing when you met geena nude?


because of a sudden attack of the hiccups.

[Hyakujo's Fox]

Why did you decline Geena's sexual advances?



You try getting through the week without one.

[madasacutsnake]

Why would you put something like that in the suggestion box?

I really thought it would be OK.

[craig johnston]

why on earth did you agree to get on to that raft
nude with that davis woman?


a yellow balloon filled with custard on a string.

[Hyakujo's Fox]

What's the national dish of Estonia?


Sometimes, usually when the wind is blowing.

[craig johnston]

do you ever fart in public h.fox?


like rotting fruit and sweaty armpits.

[Hermione]

what does david hasselhoff's breath smell like?

just like david hasselhoff naked.

[craig johnston]

hey craig, what do you look like in the buff?


smooth, soft, but firm.

[Hyakujo's Fox]

What's the motto of the Upholsterer's Union?


A belt, a feather and sweet, sweet music.

[trisherina]

Can you name three items that are useful for an effective strip-tease?

With my back turned, looking down the path.

[craig johnston]

so where were you when your tulips poked out?


a slimy green gelatinous goo.

[12"razormix]

please describe haggis to me


too much and too late

[craig johnston]

please describe razormix's posts.


right between the eyes.

[zero]

where do your bushy eyebrows meet?


tweet fvcking tweet

[12"razormix]

:D

[craig johnston]

could you show us a picture of razormix after she ate the haggis?


a plate full of lammingtons

[12"razormix]

what's on its way to your hair ( assuming you have hair ) ?


you're welcome
;)

[zero]

that was a tremendous seeing-to you gave me last night 21"maxisox thanks a lot!!


moby dick

[craig johnston]

what's on its way to your hair ( assuming you have hair ) ?


sorry, sorry, time out:

http://www.rofl.name/roflcopter.gif

[craig johnston]

which music stars private parts have you seen?


an illegal substance.

[zero]

what's that on your filtrum?


windypops

[12"razormix]

do you have an e-mail signature?


no harm done..


( edit to add: well yeah........ too late as usual :D )

[zero]

sorry about that - i won't do it again


lol hheee hah

[12"razormix]

that wasn't a question! cheater cheater cheater !!!


so there

[zero]

complete the sentence: i am soo HERE and you are........


odd socks

[craig johnston]

what is clytie's fetish?



a light sprinkling of magic dust.

[zero]

what's that on your bushy eyebrows that meet right in the middle?


a total professional

[12"razormix]

what is responsible for shut up man's looks?


a banana and some mint

[12"razormix]

dammit :mad:

( you promised ... )

[craig johnston]

could you think of a way of killing this thread 12"?


she's receiving treatment right now.

[zero]

oops


just here

[12"razormix]

how is your last girlfriend?


speedy gonzales

[12"razormix]

:mad:

[zero]

SUHT UP


http://www.oddgames.com/daniel/graphics/angry_man_s.jpg


SHUT AP

[craig johnston]

12", can you do an impersonation of zero having a dump?


shiny happy people holding hands.

[zero]

sing the silly bit in that rem song when the other guy (not stipe) - the one with the gimpy voice repeats the chorus?

powerful stuff!

[12"razormix]

what do you use to paste your hair to your scalp in the morning?


ha!

[zero]

just one kiss - please?


new glasses

[craig johnston]

what is the one thing that shut up man needs to
become the perfect date?


a blizzard

[zero]

as a chronic dandruff sufferer, what would you say yours was comparable to?


big-eyed beans from venus

[craig johnston]

what's for dinner zero?


a small nodule under the armpit

[trisherina]

What did your last date compare the experience to?

Another day older and deeper in debt.

[craig johnston]

you load sixteen tons, what do you get?


on the third pew from the back

[Hyakujo's Fox]

What's the traditonal seating for the bride's ex-boyfriends?


For an extra slice of bacon.

[craig johnston]

what was the original title of the classic spaghetti
western 'for a few dollars more'?


i don't care, just gimme some now!

[trisherina]

Want these McVitie's even though they are the far less superior plain chocolate rather than dark?

A copy of the full manual is available upon purchase.

[zero]

OMG OMG AAAAAAA WHERE IS TEH OFF SWITCH ON THIS FVCKING THING!!!???



bzzzzzzzzz...bzzzzzzzzz...bzzzzzzzzz...bzzzzzzzzz. .bzzzzzzzzz...bzzzzzzzzz






.

[Brynn]

What's that secret ingredient in Coca Cola?

All my discarded epiphanies.

[Marcus Bales]

What did James Joyce answer Nora when she asked what he'd give for a quickie?




Low handicaps and high capital gains

[trisherina]

What do you get when Mike Weir and Tiger Woods golf together?

We're gonna need a bigger boat.

[craig johnston]

noah, what are we going to do about the dinosaurs?


whipped cream and raspberry jam.



(btw trish plain choc is dark choc)
:)

[Marcus Bales]

What do you put on David Hasselhof to make him look like a serious actor?


Because pituitary glands are so secretive.

[trisherina]

Why is your brain always seeming to whisper at you?

One tomato short of a thick, rich sauce.

[craig johnston]

how would you describe zero trish?



smoked tofu cut into small pieces and fried in pumpkinseed oil.

[12"razormix]

what's that on your face?


exactly 27

[zero]

how old will you be on your next birthday 21inchmirrorsox?

a wee red motorbike

[Malmal11787]

What does the monkey at the circus ride?

the banana peel in the middle of the road

[Hyakujo's Fox]

Now why do you assume that you car has been stolen by a monkey?


In a secret chamber, three miles underground.

[madasacutsnake]

Where's the dark room?

It needed more green in it.

[craig johnston]

what was wrong with the goverment's environmental policy?


3 and a half hours of cossack dancing.

[Hyakujo's Fox]

Do you do anything to limber up before a big night?


Spaghetti and meatballs.

[craig johnston]

what's that in your underpants fox?


a wooden leg

[Hyakujo's Fox]

what's that in your underpants craig?


Another pair of underpants.

[craig johnston]

what's that on your head fox?


it's an experiment into the lifecycle of cane toads

[Marcus Bales]

Why are you masturbating into that petri dish, Craig?

We never mention Aunt Clara

[craig johnston]

what happened to your first love mr bales?


lots of nice clean, inoffensive things

[Marcus Bales]

What are you going to kill with that machete, Mr Johnson?

crawfish pie and a fillet gumbo

[craig johnston]

what was the strangest thing you found on earth captain zargo?


peace, love and understanding

[trisherina]

What do children embody?

The vanishing point.

[Marcus Bales]

Where do home remodelers go after you give them half down?


All she wants to do is dance.

[trisherina]

That woman -- what did Don Henley say about her?

The fire still burns.

[Zaftig]

Dude, how are you feeling after eating those microwave burritos from 7-11 last night?

It feels like it's never going to end.

[Marcus Bales]

What do you think when someone is reading their poems to you?

I didn't do it.

[xfox]

Well, then, who did?

They're interested.

[Hyakujo's Fox]

What did the publishers say about your idea for a pop-up version of "Moby Dick"?


it's the gravel

[craig johnston]

what is it that makes hyakujobrek such a
popular cereal in australia?



long, slow and agonising.

[Marcus Bales]

What's the name of your attorney's firm?


Twins are better.

[Hyakujo's Fox]

Do you like siamese cats?


It's bionic you know.

[12"razormix]

do you have to show it to everybody ??? sheeesh...


where the sun don't shine

[craig johnston]

where are you going to put that long tubular shaped thingy?


nasty, brutish and short.

[zero]

can you think of a good name for an electro-poptastic trio in which you yourself are the the third member (keyboards)?


a peanut butter and jellyfish sandwich

[shmitty]

What's Spongebob Squarepant's favorite sandwich?

Because of E=MC^2. That's why.

[craig johnston]

how did that einstein bloke get famous?
he never even combed his hair!



my favourite turnip

[trisherina]

What's that in your pocket that you're caressing so lovingly?

Assume the position.

[craig johnston]

what should i do now that you are undressed trish?



mr wibbly wibbleswick

[zero]

what was that "bangin' tune" you played down teh disco last night called again? (you know the one you said was inspired by reading the works of charles dickens)

IT'S THE BLIMP!!!

[craig johnston]

the mothership, the mothership!


fast and bulbous, also tapered

[zero]

quick!! give some adjectives to describe a squid eating dough in a polyetheylene bag


i run on laser beans

[craig johnston]

why are you doing those psychedelic farts zero?


the spleen

[12"razormix]

what's an essential part of the strem?


i would say yes, why yes of course!

[zero]

please may i have one of your socks as a keepsake?


completely mental

[12"razormix]

describe the person below you


bam!

[zero]

do you know a scottish colloquial taht means means Below Average Mentality similar to ned and min? e.g. "Ah'm nae a bam, like!"


time you had an atvaar

[craig johnston]

are you still dyslexic and prone to non sequiturs?


expert texpert choking smoker

[Hyakujo's Fox]

Can you use the word 'texpert' in a sentence?


I prefer to call it "the moose".

[Malmal11787]

What was that you called my nose?

I'm being serious, it was not me!

[craig johnston]

well, how do you explain the bloodstains on your
overalls?


she's a bit of a flibbertigibbet.

[Marcus Bales]

Can you describe Sandra Day O'Connor?


on the town

[trisherina]

What was your least favourite Bing Crosby/Bob Hope "road" movie?

Exercise and healthy eating.

[Malmal11787]

Trish, how do you fit in that lil mini?


the leprechaun told me too.

[funkytuba]

So, how exactly did you give birth to your little green baby?

Down there on the right, just past the frugal janitor.

[trisherina]

Where do you keep your Infocom text adventures, sir?

We can't know soon enough.

[funkytuba]

What will Michael Jackson wear on the day his verdict is rendered?

Cloooooosed! Opennnnnnnnn!

[trisherina]

What did you always find really dumb guys on Star Trek sets standing in front of doors and saying?

It's a part of life.

[Hyakujo's Fox]

Why do keep poking me with that fork?


I guess I'm lucky that way.

[Marcus Bales]

How do you keep it up?

On the breeze that follows sunset.

[craig johnston]

where did you first whiff zero's psychedelic farts?


with bells on man!

[Marcus Bales]

How do the wolves propose to solve the problem of men sneaking up on them and killing them?


immediate response requested

[craig johnston]

so what was stamped on that old letter you forgot
to give me three years ago?



a whole lotta shakin', a whole lotta hollerin', all hell was
breakin' loose there miss parker, my oh my!

[funkytuba]

What was the Parker family's reaction when Mr Parker decided to look into all those commercials about "erectile dysfunction"?

1 dozen spanakopetas
15 pieces of dry ice
2 urinal cakes
1 doily

[Hyakujo's Fox]

What did you pick up on e-bay today?


It looks and feels just like the real thing.

[craig johnston]

fox, why do you sleep with that inflatable chicken?


it's this thing you insert like this, and then slowly move in
and out until you acheive the desired result.

[Malmal11787]

What about your finger in your nose?

Craig's underpants.

[craig johnston]

what is the sweetest smelling garment you have ever experienced?


a poke in the eye with a sharp stick

[Coffee]

What would be vastly preferable than being tasked with checking the actual fragrant qualities of Craigs underpants?


A glass of wine, a red red rose, bubble bath, and a weiner dog.

[Hyakujo's Fox]

What did David Hasselhoff recently recommend as "the four essential ingredients of a romantic evening"?


It's not the first time, and it won't be the last.

[madasacutsnake]

You don't seem very experienced?

Because they billed me for it.

[funkytuba]

So, Mrs Schaivo, how did congress get your feeding tube put back in?


Firebird and Free Bird, in that order.

[craig johnston]

so tubes, what tunes do you want at your funeral?


42

[Marcus Bales]

What do you get if you subtract Douglas Adams from Terry Pratchett?


a devil in a baby suit

[craig johnston]

who's the cutest of them all?


the enormous throbbing brain at the centre of the universe

[Coffee]

How do 98% of humans picture themselves?

The other 2%.

[craig johnston]

what will be left after all the idiots in the world have been
eliminated professor?



smooth and creamy, it drives me wild!

[Marcus Bales]

What's Hellmann's Mayonnaise, apple-cheeks?


On the other hand

[craig johnston]

where is that weird 666 birthmark marcus?


a very fishy smell

[Marcus Bales]

How do you know Craig has entered a room?


It's 6x6x6, the Lumber of the Beast

[craig johnston]

what kinda wood you usin' for that extension on the
porch there mr bales?



the glorious underpants fluttering proudly in the breeze

[skip intro]

what will be the national flag of your new country?


like a polaroid picture

[amber]

How do I look?


the answer is: always

[skip intro]

tell me amber, how often do you use a pogo stick to get to work?


because i ate so many beans last night.

[des pommes]

Why were you screaming profanities this morning?

I must have done it too hard.

[trisherina]

Why is the wall behind your headboard so scuffed?

A four month gestation period.

[skip intro]

what is your excuse for missing work this time?


they're too greasy

[craig johnston]

why don't you wanna touch my meatballs?


big and bouncy

[trisherina]

What would scan really well with "Meaty beaty?"

Big fat scallops in lime juice.

[craig johnston]

la di dah la di dah......

[craig johnston]

hey trish, what's your idea of an aphrodisiac?


to enhance physical, mental and sexual energy (http://www.tleaf.net/hdyfinfo.html) in life.