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funkytuba
07-01-2005, 05:18 AM
What doesss it do with the mother in law my pressscuioussss?



It rubs the lotion on it's skin!!!!

craig johnston
07-01-2005, 08:21 AM
how does the irate office worker treat those nasty hand
injuries caused by the senseless punching of inanimate objects?


because it's rude!

skip intro
07-01-2005, 05:11 PM
why can't i wave my thing at the queen?


the collector's edition

craig johnston
07-02-2005, 10:20 PM
which 'star wars boxed set' do you have?


the one with the most flexible tongue

funkytuba
07-02-2005, 10:33 PM
your thoughts on picking a masseuse?


It started as a small bump on my right arm eventually covering up to 79% of my body.

craig johnston
07-02-2005, 10:44 PM
hey, what's with the acne tubes?


i like to slide it on just before i enter.

Brynn
07-11-2005, 11:35 PM
cj, what are you doing outside with that nazi armband?

Unfortunately it's completely permanent.

funkytuba
07-12-2005, 03:30 AM
So, Brynn, how do you like that LP record of "It's a Small World" I sent ya?


Where in the world's my car in San Diego

craig johnston
07-12-2005, 06:45 AM
san diego's not in the world?


do you know the way to san josé?

Max Headroom
07-12-2005, 01:10 PM
I've been away so long, I may go wrong and lose my way




If there’s a bustle in your hedgerow

craig johnston
07-12-2005, 01:19 PM
you may be tickled in the bush.


don't you want me baby?

funkytuba
07-12-2005, 01:49 PM
Not if you're going to screw up the ASK FIRST then ANSWER NEW thread?


A large copy of the terminal area chart for the greater Chicago area hanging on the wall with multicolo(u)red pins stuck in it.

craig johnston
07-12-2005, 06:10 PM
so what really gets your motor hummin' tuba?


it was max's fault!

Brynn
07-12-2005, 07:24 PM
Are you denying your culpability in the face of what is clearly a matter of public record? :D

You could expect a handshake, at the very least.

craig johnston
07-12-2005, 07:59 PM
so what will i get for taking you out for dinner and champagne
on a moonlit night in the carribean brynn?


ok, it was tubes fault for asking two questions.

Brynn
07-12-2005, 08:09 PM
Why did all the soldiers suddenly burst in and open fire on the White House Press Corps?

Peel me a grape and I'll think about it.

funkytuba
07-13-2005, 04:25 AM
Will you do something horrible to CJ to make up for the fact that he was right and I had to go back and edit my post?


Crazy family dynamics.

craig johnston
07-17-2005, 01:57 PM
what do you remember of your wedding?


because he plays the tuba with deep soul feeling

topcat
07-17-2005, 11:30 PM
are you talking about your penis again?


i dont like this game

skip intro
07-19-2005, 10:19 AM
why are you sulking?


peace, love and understanding.

craig johnston
07-23-2005, 09:02 AM
what's so funny about?


it glows in the dark

funkytuba
08-18-2005, 06:20 AM
so, how's that new planet coming along, then, CJ? got a name for it yet?



a plain glazed hot from the fryer and glistening from the glazer krispy kreme doughnut

craig johnston
08-18-2005, 06:48 AM
what are you dreaming about tubes?


ectoplasm

funkytuba
08-19-2005, 02:16 PM
What did you say you were covered with last week after JT got through with you?

A 10 year subscription to the Oriental Trading Company catalog.

Klynne
08-19-2005, 11:53 PM
What would be a perfect gift for my sister-in-law?

I don't care.

craig johnston
08-20-2005, 11:06 AM
what's your favourite ramones 'ballad'?


gabba gabba hey!

skip intro
08-27-2005, 08:12 PM
what did you say when you saw that 'fantasy' thread?


misery.

daft kat
08-27-2005, 08:41 PM
what is my fifth favorite stephan king book?



mac and cheese

craig johnston
08-27-2005, 08:55 PM
how would you describe one of those 'old time scottish
country folk dancing' evenings that rzeo is so fond of?


fat and funky!

funkytuba
08-27-2005, 09:12 PM
Who me?


roasted potatoes with pesto.

Klynne
08-29-2005, 01:24 AM
What is the perfect dish for one of Irish and Italian descent?

I hate painting.

Brynn
08-30-2005, 07:49 AM
Why are you wallpapering over that graffitti???? :confused:

Try getting up at o'dark hundred.

Con ate dog
09-03-2005, 12:45 PM
How come you don't have that Raelian Celestial Neptune time clock I gave you for Christmas.

The quarters really hurt, but the nickels fit nicely.

Brynn
09-03-2005, 05:28 PM
How is your hamster adjusting to becoming automated?

It all depends on whether or not you feel lucky.

gigi
09-16-2005, 07:46 PM
Should I spend my paycheck on the carnival midway?



8 or 9 times more than Fred Durst (at the very least), but not half as much as Snuffaluffagus.

craig johnston
09-16-2005, 09:26 PM
how often do you say something sensible?


a right handfull i can tell ya!

funkytuba
09-17-2005, 03:29 AM
so, how have rosie and her five fabulous daughters been treating you, CJ?


Twelve fluid ounces of pure smoking terror.

Brynn
09-17-2005, 07:02 AM
You've just broken the land speed record - what is your secret?

Not drunk - just feeling slightly more expansive.

craig johnston
09-17-2005, 09:25 AM
so you were drunk when you offered me your priceless collection
of asian erotica brynn?



a ten day tantric ritual on a beach near goa.

jasmina
09-17-2005, 10:22 AM
What's your idea of an ideal date with me?



2 days ago.

craig johnston
09-21-2005, 09:21 PM
when did you last see your father?


it's round and squashy.

Hyakujo's Fox
09-21-2005, 09:54 PM
how would you describe a squash ball?


It was the best of times, it was the worst of times.

Max Headroom
09-21-2005, 09:55 PM
What does your beer gut look like?


At mach 2

craig johnston
09-21-2005, 09:59 PM
at what speed were you driving while 'looking for a parking spot'?


green, but with a red bobbly bit on the end.

skip intro
09-28-2005, 10:54 AM
describe your idea of perfect underwear.


around twenty of them, dressed in goat skins and looking rather upset.

dddrum
09-28-2005, 01:55 PM
Have any football hooligans been in here this evening?



Six feet, ten inches.

Master_Jedi
09-29-2005, 01:31 AM
The length of John Kerry's chin?


9222 dog turds.

dddrum
09-30-2005, 05:36 AM
What might 3074 dogs be reduced to by a Brooklyn psycho with a hatchet?





Elementally, my deep Watney's.

craig johnston
09-30-2005, 02:02 PM
what do you call those flabs of fat?


he was riding on a unicorn.

funkytuba
10-02-2005, 03:19 AM
What cosmic trauma was suffered unto my elan such that I always have to make up questions for CJ's answers?


a canteloupe-sized contusion on the right knee

craig johnston
10-02-2005, 08:14 AM
what were your injuries after your tussle with the giant squid tubes?


smuggling enchiladas across the mexican border.

Coffee
10-02-2005, 03:48 PM
How did Clueless Johnston get a 400 dollar fine along with a tummy ache and diarhea?

Bottled water, and a floaty tube.

xfox
10-02-2005, 04:12 PM
How can these regular guys make a gal laugh so hard with their subtle chides?

Back on the two wheeler and a lock on the pantry.

funkytuba
10-05-2005, 02:11 AM
So, how are you handling all this interaction?

My eyes! My eyes! Nyarrrgh!

craig johnston
10-05-2005, 06:23 AM
what was your reaction to that last jt post?


if you put it like that, yes.

laughingbuddha
10-05-2005, 08:19 AM
You are gay but you like to pretend otherwise?

The hills are crazy, they really are

craig johnston
10-05-2005, 09:40 AM
how many mushrooms did you take?


the most glorious explosion of colour and light...

Marcus Bales
10-05-2005, 11:00 AM
Well, what did you hope would happen instead?


a Lithuanian dwarf, an Arabian stallion, a regimental tie, and a straight-backed chair

12"razormix
10-05-2005, 11:03 AM
what are 4 prerequisites of rogitation?


tinkerbell was not available

Marcus Bales
10-05-2005, 11:06 AM
Why was Ariel rogitating?


well, he looks gay

craig johnston
10-05-2005, 11:44 AM
impressions of dinzdale?


it was awesome!

laughingbuddha
10-05-2005, 11:50 AM
What was or is?

great

funkytuba
10-07-2005, 09:39 PM
Hey Mr. Joint-Chiefs-Of-Staff, Bush just invoked the crusades in a speech trying to justify the war on terror in Iraq. What do you say to that?


020567

laughingbuddha
10-09-2005, 05:46 AM
When did you first get put out?

Dubyaman

craig johnston
10-09-2005, 05:53 AM
who's that new rapper doing his thang on the white house lawn?


10 juicy pomegranates

laughingbuddha
10-09-2005, 05:56 AM
How many did it take to fill this glass?

P. Daddy they call him and he normally does his thang hidden by the bush

craig johnston
10-09-2005, 06:55 AM
can you recommend a competent physician?


it was snapped in half but otherwise intact.

laughingbuddha
10-09-2005, 07:55 AM
What's left of the boat, the one you so often toast?

Competent for me may not be for you...

craig johnston
10-09-2005, 02:52 PM
are you a demon lover?


how would you like it?

funkytuba
10-11-2005, 08:02 PM
What's the latest question to screw with the format of this thread?


GMT-1.5

craig johnston
10-11-2005, 08:03 PM
when did you last see ezor sober?


in a vice like grip

karma_queen
10-11-2005, 08:05 PM
how does craig johnston secretly want max to hold him?

it tasted like chicken

craig johnston
10-11-2005, 08:07 PM
what happened to your neighbours rabbit?

balderdash!

Marcus Bales
10-12-2005, 09:02 AM
What do you call a group of well-dressed but hairless men running through the rain from the overhang of the building to their cars?


balloons and cake

craig johnston
10-12-2005, 12:29 PM
what does 'fabricati diem' mean marcus?


teddy bears and blankets

Hyakujo's Fox
11-08-2005, 10:58 AM
Who do you usually wake up next to?


I didn't even notice it was missing.

xfox
11-08-2005, 11:03 AM
Will you have time to vote?

Still in orbit.

craig johnston
11-08-2005, 06:44 PM
did you ever recover from that mushroom trip foxy?


velvety, but with a slight aroma of strawberries and rosemary.

jasmina
11-08-2005, 09:14 PM
What's your tongue like in the morning?

Yes and I think everyone should.

craig johnston
12-04-2005, 07:57 PM
do you like spanking?


it's the latest fashion in nicosea.

Marcus Bales
12-04-2005, 10:19 PM
What's throwing down three large nails on the hotel desk while asking "Can you put me up for the night?"

fire hoses

ambo
12-06-2005, 10:52 PM
What did Dorothy need when the Wicked Witch of the West ate those tablets from Alice in Wonderland that made her grow to 10 times her size ?

a small bag of confetti

craig johnston
12-09-2005, 09:14 AM
so, what does gwb have instead of brains?


a right old hullaballoo.

ShopaholicChick
12-10-2005, 12:48 PM
so, what does gwb have instead of brains?


a right old hullaballoo.

i am new here so i dont know them but i will guess rocks..

does anyone here like shopping?!?

ambo
12-10-2005, 02:16 PM
don't you just hate when this happens ?
:eek:

Coffee
12-10-2005, 02:26 PM
ya...its like a new driver stalled out in the middle of an intersection blocking traffic.

*plays traffic cop*

ok...ok...nothing to see here, move along folks...(and no one like shopping...no one sane that is).

so, what does gwb have instead of brains?


a right old hullaballoo.

--------------------------------------------------
*simulated replacement post for traffic jam post*

What do newbys cause when they don't read the first page of a thread to find out how the thread works?

Just part of the service.

craig johnston
12-10-2005, 06:43 PM
what happened when shopaholichick entered the room?


the all method grind

Hyakujo's Fox
12-12-2005, 02:17 AM
how do barristas do it?


A man with six fingers.

ambo
12-12-2005, 02:36 AM
Who killed Inigo Montoya's father ?



An olive, a pimiento, and an anchovy.

lapietra
12-12-2005, 02:39 AM
Who are the characters in Tom Robbins' new book?


Two chairs under a palm frond roof under a blue sky.

craig johnston
12-12-2005, 12:58 PM
so, mr hockney, what's that squiggle in the corner supposed to be?


undies

ambo
12-12-2005, 01:27 PM
What will I have left when the IRS gets done with me this year ?


Everything is grey.

Hyakujo's Fox
12-13-2005, 10:00 AM
What's it really like inside a vacuum cleaner?


The truth, the whole truth, and a spoon.

craig johnston
12-14-2005, 01:48 PM
what do you want for christmas foxy?


the collected wit and wisdom of ron price

Coffee
12-15-2005, 02:10 PM
What have you got there on that post-it note?

A condom.

dinzdale
12-15-2005, 03:48 PM
What are you making with all that Scotch Tape?


the last possible moment.

ambo
12-15-2005, 07:34 PM
When's a good time to atone for all your sins ?


Mold

dinzdale
12-15-2005, 07:41 PM
What's the one thing you dont want to find in a stripper's panties?



Plastic.

Brynn
12-15-2005, 09:17 PM
Paper?

Assorted colors.

trisherina
12-16-2005, 01:50 AM
What do you look for in a condom?

Influenza.

dinzdale
12-16-2005, 12:17 PM
How do you get on in Italian business?


like a moose.

ambo
12-16-2005, 02:30 PM
How do you think Dinz is hung ?


not today, thanks anyway

Gatsby
12-16-2005, 02:33 PM
Would you like some haggis?

Ambo.

ambo
12-16-2005, 02:38 PM
uh oh

dinzdale
12-16-2005, 04:11 PM
Whose name do you scream when you spooge?


I might have guessed.

Gatsby
12-16-2005, 04:13 PM
lol

ambo
12-16-2005, 06:05 PM
Do you know who has a gun hidden under their pillow ?


In a jar under the kitchen sink

Gatsby
12-16-2005, 06:27 PM
Where is JesusTitties?

A rabbit in a hat and a bat and a six four Impala.

Marcus Bales
12-16-2005, 10:19 PM
What did Jesustitties ordered from the concierge at four in the morning?


a notepad, a pencil, a clean handkerchief, and a pocketknife

Bipolarbear
12-16-2005, 10:22 PM
What are the contents of your backpack?

Forty-two.

ambo
12-16-2005, 11:12 PM
What is W's IQ ?



Stunning !

Bipolarbear
12-16-2005, 11:14 PM
What's a good adjective to describe my sister's flatulence?

Antonio Banderas.

Marcus Bales
12-17-2005, 02:02 AM
Who would play Craig Johnston in the movie of the Zefrank Board?


because a mule and his funny are soon parted

craig johnston
12-17-2005, 07:49 AM
what becomes of the broken hearted?



he's a right old slapper

Marcus Bales
12-17-2005, 10:20 AM
Whatever happened to Tiresias?


garlic and sapphires in the mud clot the bedded axle tree

Bipolarbear
12-17-2005, 10:53 AM
What is Marcus Bales' hidden treasure, and where is it hidden?

Tertiary period, miocene epoch, about 3 million years ago.

Hyakujo's Fox
12-17-2005, 10:59 AM
When did you last clean behind the couch?

A plane, a cigar and some old dude.

Bipolarbear
12-17-2005, 11:23 AM
What did you get me for Christmas this year?

Storm Constantine.

craig johnston
12-17-2005, 12:25 PM
what does marcus bales call himself when he does his drag act?



a nasty rash in a tender area

Gatsby
12-17-2005, 12:33 PM
What do you get when you fool around with Dinz?

the ring finger on my left hand

trisherina
12-17-2005, 12:41 PM
What part of your body looks best unadorned?

The memories of our times together.

ambo
12-17-2005, 01:31 PM
What do I concentrate on when I need to purge ?


that fishy smell

Bipolarbear
12-17-2005, 03:27 PM
What smell??

Omelete with cheese.

Master_Jedi
12-17-2005, 04:44 PM
what is better than an omlette without cheese?

A fried bird on steroids.

craig johnston
12-17-2005, 08:24 PM
can you describe your wife?



reptilian

Master_Jedi
12-18-2005, 04:31 AM
what is scaley and lives in my nose?

green bean flavored shoes!

Bipolarbear
12-18-2005, 12:28 PM
Why is that squirrel chasing you?

Legolas/Aragorn slash.

craig johnston
03-03-2006, 08:14 AM
what are you doing in the snow?


calm down, it's all in your imagination

Marcus Bales
03-03-2006, 12:13 PM
Why did 57 million people vote for George Bush?


Godiva dark chocolate

craig johnston
03-03-2006, 07:11 PM
so what's your stage name marcus?


it wasn't me!

Marcus Bales
03-04-2006, 12:00 AM
Who satisfied your wife last night, Craig?


Park Place and Boardwalk

Hyakujo's Fox
03-10-2006, 08:41 AM
What are those cards up your sleeve?


A bear, the pope and six very disappointed boy scouts.

craig johnston
03-10-2006, 09:38 AM
so, who else was in the brothel?



i was lying.

funkytuba
06-04-2006, 04:44 AM
So, Cj, what were you doing in the brothel?


four strands of green plastic easter grass and a single benson and hedges menthol light cigarette.

Sthenic
06-04-2006, 09:14 AM
Did the east bunny visit the brothel?

Shaded and graded

trisherina
06-04-2006, 11:13 AM
How do you like your sod?

Cheap golds, and professional leveling service.

craig johnston
06-04-2006, 06:52 PM
so what are the advantages of living in alaska?


speaking in tongues while doing the lindyhop.

LadyCrow
06-05-2006, 07:53 PM
Isn't that what occurs in Southern Baptist church meetings?

Legos and Ben & Jerry's

Jack Flanders
06-05-2006, 08:00 PM
What are two products that are expensive and unpleasant to step on with bare feet?

I don't know about you, but I really hate that.

LeahDear
06-06-2006, 03:33 PM
Why does toast always fall butter side down?

Yes they do always look like that..... cheeky!

craig johnston
06-06-2006, 03:38 PM
do they always protrude so?


it came from that nuclear waste swamp!

ambo
06-06-2006, 04:34 PM
what is that delicious sammich you are eating?


right over there with the bucket and mop.

trisherina
06-06-2006, 07:39 PM
Where would you like me to stand when I declare my love?

And he says, "The backstroke!"

Hyakujo's Fox
06-06-2006, 10:42 PM
So they asked Bush how people without transport were supposed to get out of New Orleans?


That's one way of looking at it.

ambo
06-06-2006, 11:14 PM
Why do you stand on your head just before every sunset?


I couldn't find any Vaseline.

Anna
06-06-2006, 11:59 PM
Did you?

It took me a couple of minutes to figure it out.

ambo
06-07-2006, 12:26 AM
How long is 120 seconds?



Yes, I do it every other day.

funkytuba
06-07-2006, 01:12 AM
So, do you write grant proposals much?

"I'm sorry sir, but those are not for sale."

craig johnston
06-07-2006, 04:52 AM
can i buy a funky tuba?


running down the street painted orange from head to toe!

LeahDear
06-07-2006, 07:18 AM
What were you doing when you got sectioned?

I was only checking to see if they were real!

craig johnston
06-07-2006, 03:15 PM
why are you jiggling them like that?


on the end of your nose

Anna
06-07-2006, 10:12 PM
following insturctions.

how hard can it be?

Hyakujo's Fox
06-07-2006, 11:38 PM
Are you into self-referential humour?


It was the constant banging noises.

Jack Flanders
06-08-2006, 12:29 AM
What made you finally go over the edge?

I really would rather not discuss it right now. You know who is in the next room with ears a flapping.

Anna
06-08-2006, 12:36 AM
I thought that was obvious.

@$%^#$?

Hyakujo's Fox
06-08-2006, 01:40 AM
What's your top seven non-alphanumeric ascii characters?



No, you ask a question for the answer given previously, then give an answer that the next person can ask a question for.

ambo
06-08-2006, 02:13 AM
Is this just like that other thread where you answer a question, then ask another one?




It has to be exactly 8 inches long, or it's just no good.

LeahDear
06-08-2006, 07:33 AM
Why do you always check what a man is packing before you date him?


Tied to the fridge with a paper bag over his head.

craig johnston
06-08-2006, 06:04 PM
where does zero spend his saturday nights?


not now that satan has taken over the world.

Anna
06-08-2006, 11:09 PM
when are you going to clean this place up?


forever the optimist

Hyakujo's Fox
06-09-2006, 12:01 AM
Would you care to join me in a dutch oven?


With a little spit and polish it came up a treat.

trisherina
06-09-2006, 12:07 AM
How did you get the stain out of your antique bedspread?

Cheese fried in butter, with lemon.

Anna
06-09-2006, 09:52 AM
what flavor soda is that?

red gold green and blue.

LeahDear
06-09-2006, 11:31 AM
What colour are you painting your bedroom?


blue ankle socks and red high heels

daverbee
06-09-2006, 12:20 PM
Can you suggest something to go with my vintage Victorian Military uniform?

No, not really...no...well...yes.

Marcus Bales
06-09-2006, 12:24 PM
What, never? Never? NEVER?



The letter "N" was missing.

craig johnston
06-09-2006, 05:00 PM
why did you have 'peis' tatooed on your forehead?


no no, i said forehead!

Anna
06-09-2006, 08:09 PM
huh?
huh.

craig johnston
06-10-2006, 08:48 AM
do you know a three letter word beginning and ending in 'h'?

no, it was 'hah'!

funkytuba
06-10-2006, 11:48 AM
Did you just say 'antidisestablishmentarianism'?


Fifteen pounds of crushed concrete and a small border collie pup.

trisherina
06-10-2006, 11:55 AM
What did the negligent new pet owner come home to?

4 gallons of liquid codeine in the bomb shelter.

daverbee
06-10-2006, 12:11 PM
What's the easiest way to get Robert Downey, Jr. out of the room?

Do robots dream of electric sheep?

Anna
06-10-2006, 05:53 PM
what phillip k. dick short story was the movie blade runner based on?

andriods.

craig johnston
06-10-2006, 07:15 PM
what should we give daver for christmas?


some nostril hair and a whiff of whisky

Anna
06-10-2006, 08:41 PM
freshly squeezed.

what's in the glass?

Hyakujo's Fox
06-10-2006, 09:14 PM
What do you, and a glass of orange juice have in common?


To get rid of his stutter.

Jack Flanders
06-11-2006, 12:51 AM
PSST - Anna - check the thread before you post. ? Questions? then Answers.

Anna
06-11-2006, 01:20 AM
ach! sorry, how did I screw that up? fixed it :)


"To get rid of his stutter."

why is he rubbing butter all over his mouth?

one of these days.

lapietra
06-11-2006, 03:06 AM
You're going to cut me into little pieces?


Pink Floyd and Gabriel Garcia Marquez.

funkytuba
06-11-2006, 04:25 AM
What search (http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&lr=&c2coff=1&safe=off&q=+site:profile.myspace.com++Gabriel+Garcia+Marque z+pink+floyd) will find you >14,000 hits on myspace?


It itches so. My life stops.

craig johnston
06-12-2006, 05:16 AM
any reaction to the mexican brothel visit tubes?


you'll need some kind of extra gizmo.

funkytuba
06-12-2006, 05:41 AM
How do you turn your rifle into an assault rifle?


One's for killing the other's for fun.

daverbee
06-12-2006, 09:24 AM
What's the difference between a dildo and a semi-automatic dildo?

Nothing but net, baby!

craig johnston
06-12-2006, 06:29 PM
what are you wearing?


no, it was born like that

funkytuba
08-08-2006, 02:23 AM
Did this thread learn to bury itself or is it something else?


More than 2, but less than 10.

craig johnston
08-11-2006, 06:17 AM
got any teeth left tubes?


ravishing but slightly damp.

Penut
08-11-2006, 10:31 AM
How was my apple pie?

4B-1187 and a diet coke.

trisherina
08-11-2006, 12:00 PM
What do you want from the sandwich cart, Bender?

Lemon oil and a soft cloth.

funkytuba
08-11-2006, 02:18 PM
What are the secret ingredients for your next devastatingly-clever BLF game entry, Trishers?

The sput from cleaning out my rollerball mouse.

Coffee
08-11-2006, 02:43 PM
So what finally promted you to get an optical mouse?

Shame on you, no!

craig johnston
08-11-2006, 04:21 PM
weren't you seen down by the docks last night?


it's all in the wrist movement.

Anna
08-11-2006, 08:05 PM
what a beautiful vibrato, how do you do it?

no liquids, none.

craig johnston
08-14-2006, 07:03 PM
what's the secret of your fabulous figure?


i never said that!

Anna
08-14-2006, 08:16 PM
Thought you said this would be easy?

Toss it in with the gold fish.

funkytuba
08-21-2006, 01:50 PM
so I found this miniscule leaky treasure chest. What should I do with it?


hallucinations due to lack of shaving cream

craig johnston
08-21-2006, 02:58 PM
what was saddam suffering from when apprehended?


by vibrating one's lips

daverbee
08-21-2006, 03:36 PM
How can one play the tuba underwater without looking like a complete fool?


Well, no, I hadn't thought of that.

craig johnston
08-27-2006, 05:12 PM
ever considered personal hygiene?


a long stringy thing on wheels

harrier
08-27-2006, 05:55 PM
What do you get if you cross a tape worm with a bicycle?


The day after tomorrow

daverbee
08-28-2006, 08:26 AM
Define the day before the day after the day after tomorrow.

Wine.

trisherina
08-28-2006, 12:59 PM
What if consumed in sufficient quantities will wear away at the forebrain making it nice and smooth?

Never before noon.

craig johnston
08-28-2006, 03:24 PM
when do you usaully go to bed trish?


weed!

Frieda
08-28-2006, 04:18 PM
wuh??




captain kirk emerging from the starship enterprise.

trisherina
08-29-2006, 02:56 AM
What does your latest creation in this (http://www.balldroppings.com/) game sound like?

Emotional dysregulation.

craig johnston
08-29-2006, 04:54 AM
any side effects after that huge curry last night trish?


goosebumps

funkytuba
08-29-2006, 02:37 PM
What did you have after you paved the pond?

I couldn't use it because it would have totally thrown off the fung shui of my cubicle.

Anna
08-31-2006, 09:28 PM
Where's the http://www.hogwildtoys.com/images/Update%205.02/BuddhaPurple.jpg?


If I could I would, but I can't.

Jack Flanders
09-01-2006, 12:56 AM
So, what's your real excuse for not getting this done?

Man, I wish you had told me sooner. Now I need to go there.

Anna
09-01-2006, 12:44 PM
Did you know Victoria's Secret is having a sale?


with a pillow.

craig johnston
09-01-2006, 02:12 PM
so what do you beat the eggs with?


it reminded me of salami

Frieda
09-01-2006, 06:33 PM
what do you think of that new perfume by celine dion?




swedish meatballs from ikea.

Jack Flanders
09-01-2006, 06:42 PM
What goes well with lingonberry juice?

the fvckin' Delaware River.

Anna
09-02-2006, 03:29 AM
During the night of December 25 George Washington led his troops 8 miles north of Trenton across what ice-swollen river?


hmm... tastes like chicken.

trisherina
09-02-2006, 12:28 PM
What did the gourmand say to the gourmet?

A million dollars worth of nickels and dimes.

Brynn
09-02-2006, 06:03 PM
what does a miser bathe in?

a popcorn bucket full of little plastic GI Joes

Anna
09-05-2006, 06:55 AM
honey, what's for dinner?

just feel free to ask me directly.

Brynn
09-05-2006, 12:09 PM
Anna, can I order lipstick from "Mary Kay" online?

Amway.

funkytuba
09-06-2006, 12:19 PM
Hey Brynn, we've missed you around the usual clubs and hangouts and hash bars and shotgun shacks and flop houses... where have you been?

Acapulco, Akamai, Akihito and an Akita

craig johnston
09-06-2006, 12:33 PM
so what did you name your quadruplets?


the screaming abdabs

funkytuba
09-06-2006, 01:00 PM
Pink? is that you?

18 donuts and 36 holes

Brynn
09-06-2006, 10:12 PM
How's your diet going?

It exploded into a pop-culture phenomenon.

craig johnston
09-07-2006, 07:25 AM
whatever happened to that old wooly hat your granny gave you?


flabberghasted!

funkytuba
09-08-2006, 02:04 AM
How did the arresting officer feel when he found out that Paris Hilton taped her own DUI?

Absinthe, and twinkies.

LatinoSince1983
09-08-2006, 02:45 AM
How would you summerize your vacation in Europe?

Once, back in the late 80s.

12"razormix
09-08-2006, 04:22 AM
have you ever been really happy?


bollocks to this

zero
09-08-2006, 04:45 AM
what is the most useful phrase in the english language?




the andromeda galaxy, without a shadow of doubt.

12"razormix
09-08-2006, 04:52 AM
what's the second thing that you look for in the night sky?


mashed potatoes and a bright red rubber ball

zero
09-08-2006, 05:04 AM
quite nice sculpture you've done there zomrix, it's a wee bit bernini! what's it made of?


west wittering's biggest beach bum

12"razormix
09-08-2006, 05:15 AM
what's the latest jewel in your crown?


sputter

zero
09-08-2006, 07:03 AM
that's that lovely new fragrance by alexander mcqueequeg you're wearing isn't it - what's it called again?



downward facing dog

craig johnston
09-08-2006, 09:40 AM
what's the name of your favourite dance move?


ain't you?

funkytuba
09-08-2006, 09:16 PM
A binder clip is clingy it hurts if you attach it to your nose. Are you like that, CJ?

a 34.5 inch long piece of coaxial cable and fourteen diet mountain dews

LeahDear
09-09-2006, 06:53 AM
What items would you save if your house was burning down?


mostly green but with orange tips

craig johnston
09-09-2006, 05:47 PM
tubes fingernails?


where's the beef?

Brynn
09-10-2006, 12:02 AM
All I could find was an ear, some fingers, and one toe - how about you?

I'm just going to change the subject as quickly as I can.

ambo
09-10-2006, 12:25 AM
So, don't you think it's about time we discussed god and politics?




It itches, but in a bad way.

LeahDear
09-11-2006, 08:27 AM
How's that rash coming along?

Only if you promise to clean the windows after.

craig johnston
09-11-2006, 09:19 AM
may i dine with you?


a cheeky monkey!

zero
09-11-2006, 11:48 AM
at "knob-jockey's night" down at your club last week, what did your friend helmut call you when you nipped his arse during "sex bomb" by tom jones?




it's called "my poorly lit dessert with one bite out of it"

12"razormix
09-11-2006, 12:00 PM
you remember that one morning when you came home completely pished and almost ate the leftover haggis right out of the fridge?


i'd say!

craig johnston
09-11-2006, 12:01 PM
what's that on your head?


overexuberance

zero
09-11-2006, 12:09 PM
what, besides that "mighty" spliff in your hand, caused you to bollocks up the thread just now?


but everybody totally knows i had my eyebrow-ring ages before that twat from IT got one

12"razormix
09-11-2006, 12:14 PM
are you sure your understated modesty is the right way to go?


there it goes again

craig johnston
09-11-2006, 12:16 PM
what happened to your virginity?


i'm not allowed

trisherina
09-11-2006, 02:01 PM
Why don't you just take off that spiked dog collar?

As long as I'm living, my baby you'll be.

funkytuba
09-11-2006, 02:16 PM
What would have been a better closing line to the Matthew Sweet song "Girlfriend" than the somewhat disconcerting, "Now I'm never gonna set you free/ no, I'm never gonna set you free"?


The incessant tapping and banging from the next cube over as my cow-orker listens to and plays the drums on his keyboard involuntarily to the music in his head.

Coffee
09-11-2006, 02:50 PM
Your avatar aside, you are normally a very calm and collected person Funky. Isn't there anything that can cause you to yell or freak out at someone? Hmmm?


Entenman's donuts - Variety Pack.

Odbe
09-12-2006, 04:13 AM
Why do you always take the lift rather than the stairs?


Eight taxidermy needles, two red cars, a bottle of turps and a plastic bluebird.

zero
09-12-2006, 05:08 AM
have you ever won anything in a raffle?



:mad: don't get arsey with me!!

12"razormix
09-12-2006, 05:43 AM
hi honey, how are you? :)


yes. no, i mean NO. of course not. um, maybe... maybe not! perhaps. yeah, no.