communal limericks

[madasacutsnake]

She said she was more than eighteen
Seems I was the one who was green

[zenbabe]

She said she was more than eighteen
Seems I was the one who was green
After a roll in the hay

[Marcus Bales]

She said she was more than eighteen
Seems I was the one who was green
After a roll in the hay
I heard someone say

[Hyakujo's Fox]

She said she was more than eighteen
Seems I was the one who was green
After a roll in the hay
I heard someone say
For an octogenarian, she's keen!

[trisherina]

Do you take your coffee with cream?

[madasacutsnake]

Do you take your coffee with cream?
Or is it of tea, scones and jam that you dream?

[trisherina]

Do you take your coffee with cream?
Or is it of tea, scones and jam that you dream?
Just lay out a spread

[Hyakujo's Fox]

Do you take your coffee with cream?
Or is it of tea, scones and jam that you dream?
Just lay out a spread
of lamingtons I said

[Marcus Bales]

Do you take your coffee with cream?
Or is it of tea, scones and jam that you dream?
Just lay out a spread
of lamingtons I said
and get off of this beverage theme.

[trisherina]

The pressure of fingers on neck

[funkytuba]

The pressure of fingers on neck
were Spock's secret weapon on Trek

[madasacutsnake]

The pressure of fingers on neck
were Spock's secret weapon on Trek
And it's said Bruce Lee died
when they were applied

[Marcus Bales]

The pressure of fingers on neck
were Spock's secret weapon on Trek
And it's said Bruce Lee died
when they were applied
And all that he murmured was "Heck."

[Marcus Bales]

The weather is warmer today

[Hyakujo's Fox]

The weather is warmer today
I've packed all my woolens away

[madasacutsnake]

The weather is warmer today
I've packed all my woolens away
In a big cedar chest

[Marcus Bales]

The weather is warmer today
I've packed all my woolens away
In a big cedar chest
And I'm off on a quest

[madasacutsnake]

The weather is warmer today
I've packed all my woolens away
In a big cedar chest
And I'm off on a quest
To find balls that keep moths at bay

[Marcus Bales]

The new Poet Laureate, Ted

[madasacutsnake]

The new Poet Laureate, Ted
Seems to be quite off his head

[Marcus Bales]

The new Poet Laureate, Ted
Seems to be quite off his head
A client who paid
For insurance was made
The theme of a sonnet, instead.

[Zaftig]

I must be off my rocker

[zenbabe]

I must be off my rocker
Cause someone just called me a focker

[Marcus Bales]

I must be off my rocker
Cause someone just called me a focker --
Not much of a curse

[trisherina]

I must be off my rocker
Cause someone just called me a focker --
Not much of a curse
I'm sure I've heard worse

[funkytuba]

I must be off my rocker
Cause someone just called me a fokker --
Not much of a curse
I'm sure I've heard worse
though my messerschmitt's ready to smokk 'er

[Marcus Bales]

It looks like a daffodil day

[trisherina]

It looks like a daffodil day
For April, I'm feeling like May

[Marcus Bales]

It looks like a daffodil day
For April, I'm feeling like May
But March is a gust
Of icy wind, just
Some cloud-hidden sunlight away.

[funkytuba]

It's chilly and gas is expensive

[trisherina]

It's chilly and gas is expensive
I'm sitting here feeling all pensive

[Hyakujo's Fox]

It's chilly and gas is expensive
I'm sitting here feeling all pensive
By this life I'm perplexed

[madasacutsnake]

It's chilly and gas is expensive
I'm sitting here feeling all pensive
By this life I'm perplexed
and necessarily overdressed

[trisherina]

It's chilly and gas is expensive
I'm sitting here feeling all pensive
By this life I'm perplexed
and necessarily overdressed;
They stripped me, and now I'm defensive.

[Hyakujo's Fox]

I'm naked as the day I was born

[trisherina]

I'm naked as the day I was born
I burned all the garb I had worn

[Hyakujo's Fox]

I'm naked as the day I was born
I burned all the garb I had worn
Now I wait for the breeze

[trisherina]

I'm naked as the day I was born
I burned all the garb I had worn
Now I wait for the breeze
To spread my disease

[joppa.gal]

I'm naked as the day I was born
I burned all the garb I had worn
Now I wait for the breeze
To spread my disease
Of Nudism, a love of one's form!

[Hyakujo's Fox]

I lay there on the beach just sunning

[funkytuba]

I lay there on the beach just sunning
till a stiff breeze sent me out gunning

[Gatsby]

I lay there on the beach just sunning
till a stiff breeze sent me out gunning
I reached for my towel,
Finding sand, I cried foul,
Sent the passers-by screaming and running.

[Hyakujo's Fox]

As I pondered my bacon and eggs

[zenbabe]

As I pondered my bacon and eggs
There was a tingle on both of my legs

[Hyakujo's Fox]

As I pondered my bacon and eggs
There was a tingle on both of my legs
I reached for the cat

[Gatsby]

As I pondered my bacon and eggs
There was a tingle on both of my legs
I reached for the cat
But fondled - a rat!

[trisherina]

As I pondered my bacon and eggs
There was a tingle on both of my legs
I reached for the cat
But fondled - a rat!
Who cheerfully sits up and begs.

[Hyakujo's Fox]

I bumped into a very odd bloke

[Gatsby]

I bumped into a very odd bloke
My umbrella'd unpleasantly poked

[Marcus Bales]

I bumped into a very odd bloke
My umbrella'd unpleasantly poked
He gave me a smile

[Hyakujo's Fox]

I bumped into a very odd bloke
My umbrella'd unpleasantly poked
He gave me a smile
which I put down to guile

[trisherina]

I bumped into a very odd bloke
My umbrella'd unpleasantly poked
He gave me a smile
which I put down to guile
Or perhaps it was something he smoked.

[Marcus Bales]

But then when he pulled out a gun

[Hyakujo's Fox]

But then when he pulled out a gun
I knew he wasn't looking for fun

[ambo]

But then when he pulled out a gun
I knew he wasn't looking for fun
I said "hey man, look out"

[funkytuba]

But then when he pulled out a gun
I knew he wasn't looking for fun
I said "hey man, look out"
"Don't just wave that about"

[Hyakujo's Fox]

But then when he pulled out a gun
I knew he wasn't looking for fun
I said "hey man, look out"
"Don't just wave that about"
"Give it here and I'll show how it's done"

[Brynn]

My neighbor is raising a stink

[funkytuba]

My neighbor is raising a stink
'bout something I put in his drink

[Marcus Bales]

My neighbor is raising a stink
'bout something I put in his drink
But he can't leave the john

[zenbabe]

My neighbor is raising a stink
'bout something I put in his drink
But he can't leave the john
Without his pants on

[funkytuba]

My neighbor is raising a stink
'bout something I put in his drink
But he can't leave the john
Without his pants on
those roofies, they change how you think

[Hyakujo's Fox]

As we raised the piano by hoist

[Marcus Bales]

As we raised the piano by hoist
Our wives and our girlfriends had voiced

[Hyakujo's Fox]

As we raised the piano by hoist
Our wives and our girlfriends had voiced
some reservation

[Marcus Bales]

As we raised the piano by hoist
Our wives and our girlfriends had voiced
some reservation;
we laughed our negation

[dinzdale]

As we raised the piano by hoist
Our wives and our girlfriends had voiced
some reservation;
we laughed our negation
tho' it brought down the ceiling and joist.

[Marcus Bales]

The shadow of darkness falls fast

[Hyakujo's Fox]

The shadow of darkness falls fast
The time for hard working has past

[funkytuba]

The shadow of darkness falls fast
The time for hard working has past
now other concerns
inform our new yearns
and leave all our mothers aghast

[Con ate dog]

I swear my intentions were good

[Marcus Bales]

I swear my intentions were good
I worked just as hard as I could

[Con ate dog]

I swear my intentions were good
I worked just as hard as I could
But the little distractions
Confounded my actions

[Marcus Bales]

I swear my intentions were good
I worked just as hard as I could
But the little distractions
Confounded my actions
So here we are, waiting for wood.

[Marcus Bales]

I'm sleepy, my donut is stale,

[dinzdale]

I'm sleepy, my donut is stale
and this woman beside me's a whale

[Marcus Bales]

I'm sleepy, my donut is stale
and this woman beside me's a whale
the bus seat is smelly

[dinzdale]

I'm sleepy, my donut is stale
and this woman beside me's a whale
the bus seat is smelly
and my empty belly

[Marcus Bales]

I'm sleepy, my donut is stale
and this woman beside me's a whale
the bus seat is smelly
and my empty belly
makes my spine read "I'm hungry!" in Braille.

[Marcus Bales]

As the termites devoured the floor

[trisherina]

As the termites devoured the floor
Leaving pristine the carpets of whore

[Frieda]

As the termites devoured the floor
Leaving pristine the carpets of whore
The indecent pink

[Marcus Bales]

As the termites devoured the floor
Leaving pristine the carpets of whore
The indecent pink
Of the sunset's last wink

[trisherina]

As the termites devoured the floor
Leaving pristine the carpets of whore
The indecent pink
Of the sunset's last wink
Tweaked hard at the gore of my core.

[Con ate dog]

This sausage, upon close inspection

[Marcus Bales]

This sausage, upon close inspection,
resembles Mantegna's depiction

[funkytuba]

This sausage, upon close inspection,
resembles Mantegna's depiction
of heartless removal

[Marcus Bales]

This sausage, upon close inspection,
resembles Mantegna's depiction
of heartless removal
and stern disapproval

[funkytuba]

This sausage, upon close inspection,
resembles Mantegna's depiction
of heartless removal
and stern disapproval
of mohels and their weiner dissection

[Marcus Bales]

Here's something that doesn't seem right:

[dddrum]

Here's something that doesn't seem right:
My trousers are fitting too tight

[Marcus Bales]

Here's something that doesn't seem right:
My trousers are fitting too tight
I can't feel my bum

[Hyakujo's Fox]

Here's something that doesn't seem right:
My trousers are fitting too tight
I can't feel my bum
I should loosen them some

[trisherina]

Here's something that doesn't seem right:
My trousers are fitting too tight
I can't feel my bum
I should loosen them some
They must have shrunk a bit... right?

[Marcus Bales]

Oh no! And just look at this shirt!

[dddrum]

Oh no! And just look at this shirt!
It's wrinkled and covered with dirt

[funkytuba]

Oh no! And just look at this shirt!
It's wrinkled and covered with dirt
I wash and I press

[dddrum]

Oh no! And just look at this shirt!
It's wrinkled and covered with dirt
I wash and I press
But alas, when I dress

[Marcus Bales]

Oh no! And just look at this shirt!
It's wrinkled and covered with dirt
I wash and I press
But alas, when I dress
It looks like I'm seriously hurt.

[Marcus Bales]

I wish that some sort of success

[Hyakujo's Fox]

I wish that some sort of success
Would come to those ones who possess

[Marcus Bales]

I wish that some sort of success
Would come to those ones who possess
No talent or brains

[dddrum]

I wish that some sort of success
Would come to those ones who possess
No talent or brains
Yet accumulate gains

[funkytuba]

I wish that some sort of success
Would come to those ones who possess
No talent or brains
Yet accumulate gains
It's my only hope, then, I guess

[Marcus Bales]

Or else I could pray to the gods

[dddrum]

Or else I could pray to the gods
To help me, and other such sods

[Marcus Bales]

Or else I could pray to the gods
To help me, and other such sods,
To live with my lot

[funkytuba]

Or else I could pray to the gods
To help me, and other such sods,
To live with my lot
bereft of good plot

[trisherina]

Or else I could pray to the gods
To help me, and other such sods,
To live with my lot
bereft of good plot
All day singing of rockers and mods.

[funkytuba]

I wish that some sort of success
Would come to those ones who possess
No talent or brains
Yet accumulate gains
It's my only hope, then, I guess

Or else I could pray to the gods
To help me, and other such sods,
To live with my lot
bereft of good plot
All day singing of rockers and mods.

"Hey babe, let me show you my engine"

[Marcus Bales]

I wish that some sort of success
Would come to those ones who possess
No talent or brains
Yet accumulate gains
It's my only hope, then, I guess

Or else I could pray to the gods
To help me, and other such sods,
To live with my lot
bereft of good plot
All day singing of rockers and mods.

"Hey babe, let me show you my engine,
Pour you first whiskey and then gin

[trisherina]

I wish that some sort of success
Would come to those ones who possess
No talent or brains
Yet accumulate gains
It's my only hope, then, I guess

Or else I could pray to the gods
To help me, and other such sods,
To live with my lot
bereft of good plot
All day singing of rockers and mods.

"Hey babe, let me show you my engine,
Pour you first whiskey and then gin
Then we'll both turn the key

[Marcus Bales]

I wish that some sort of success
Would come to those ones who possess
No talent or brains
Yet accumulate gains
It's my only hope, then, I guess

Or else I could pray to the gods
To help me, and other such sods,
To live with my lot
bereft of good plot
All day singing of rockers and mods.

"Hey babe, let me show you my engine,
Pour you first whiskey and then gin
Then we'll both turn the key
With a tense "One, Two, Three!"

[dddrum]

I wish that some sort of success
Would come to those ones who possess
No talent or brains
Yet accumulate gains
It's my only hope, then, I guess

Or else I could pray to the gods
To help me, and other such sods,
To live with my lot
bereft of good plot
All day singing of rockers and mods.

"Hey babe, let me show you my engine,
Pour you first whiskey and then gin
Then we'll both turn the key
With a tense "One, Two, Three!"
And I'll give you my utmost attention.

[Marcus Bales]

She shuffled her way through the mall

[funkytuba]

She shuffled her way through the mall
with dreads, hip-huggers, and all

[Marcus Bales]

She shuffled her way through the mall
with dreads, hip-huggers, and all
Soon that little concave'll
Grow into a navel

[Marcus Bales]

She shuffled her way through the mall
with dreads, hip-huggers, and all
Soon that little concave'll
Grow into a navel
Then her outfit will make the boys crawl.

[Marcus Bales]

New Orleans is in for some rain

[Brynn]

New Orleans is in for some rain
Tho' right now they are feeling no pain

[Marcus Bales]

New Orleans is in for some rain
Tho' right now they are feeling no pain
Because they are numb

[dddrum]

New Orleans is in for some rain
Tho' right now they are feeling no pain
Because they are numb
Katrina may come

[Hyakujo's Fox]

New Orleans is in for some rain
Tho' right now they are feeling no pain
Because they are numb
Katrina may come
And she did, and the rain doth remain

[Marcus Bales]

"People are hell" muttered Sartre

[trisherina]

"People are hell" muttered Sartre
And, so saying, clutched at his heartre

[dddrum]

"People are hell" muttered Sartre
And, so saying, clutched at his heartre
Then he fell over dead
Or so Heidegger said,

[trisherina]

"People are hell" muttered Sartre
And, so saying, clutched at his heartre
Then he fell over dead
Or so Heidegger said,
"That dumb Kant, he ain't worth a fartre."

[Marcus Bales]

Imperatives aren't categorical

[Con ate dog]

Imperatives aren't categorical
Though as questions they're oft posed rhetorical

[Hyakujo's Fox]

Imperatives aren't categorical
Though as questions they're oft posed rhetorical
Please don't get confused

[Marcus Bales]

Imperatives aren't categorical
Though as questions they're oft posed rhetorical
Please don't get confused
At the way that they're used

[funkytuba]

Imperatives aren't categorical
Though as questions they're oft posed rhetorical
Please don't get confused
At the way that they're used,
just counter "fvck you", metaphorical

[Hyakujo's Fox]

I hate those who practise bad grammar

[Smartypants]

I hate those who practise bad grammar
Bad spelers, to boot, don't enammar

[Hyakujo's Fox]

I hate those who practise bad grammar
Bad spelers, to boot, don't enammar
When an infinitive's split

[Marcus Bales]

I hate those who practise bad grammar
Bad spelers, to boot, don't enammar
When an infinitive's split
I hunt down the twit

[Smartypants]

I hate those who practise bad grammar
Bad spelers, to boot, don't enammar
When an infinitive's split
I hunt down the twit
And my Websters I use as a hammer.

[jasmina]

I once took a stroll around Asia,

[Hyakujo's Fox]

I once took a stroll around Asia
with the Grand Duchess Anastasia

[dddrum]

I once took a stroll around Asia
with the Grand Duchess Anastasia
When we got to Beijing
She started to sing

[Marcus Bales]

I once took a stroll around Asia
with the Grand Duchess Anastasia
When we got to Beijing
She started to sing.
Thank god I was deaf from displasia.

[Marcus Bales]

The knights of the round table rode

[Aphrodite]

The knights of the round table rode
To the door of the peasant's abode.

[Smartypants]

The knights of the round table rode
To the door of the peasant's abode.
But rather than knocking

[Coffee]

The knights of the round table rode
To the door of the peasant's abode.
But rather than knocking
They did something shocking

[Marcus Bales]

The knights of the round table rode
To the door of the peasant's abode.
But rather than knocking
They did something shocking
And outside the chivalric code.

[jasmina]

My neighbour stole my TV,
But on her head let it be,

[Marcus Bales]

My neighbour stole my TV,
But on her head let it be,
Let the big channel knob
Fill her gossipy gob

[dddrum]

My neighbour stole my TV,
But on her head let it be,
Let the big channel knob
Fill her gossipy gob
And her brain drain on Fox 23.

[Marcus Bales]

The birds are attacking the cats

[trisherina]

The birds are attacking the cats
And skinning their fur for warm hats

[Marcus Bales]

The birds are attacking the cats
And skinning their fur for warm hats;
The cats, in their turn,

[trisherina]

The birds are attacking the cats
And skinning their fur for warm hats;
The cats, in their turn,
Are starting to learn

[Marcus Bales]

The birds are attacking the cats
And skinning their fur for warm hats;
The cats, in their turn,
Are starting to learn
That a hot dog goes great with Labatt's.

[Hyakujo's Fox]

They say if you do it too much

[trisherina]

They say if you do it too much
There's desensitization to touch

[dddrum]

They say if you do it too much
There's desensitization to touch
You'll flog and you'll flail
But, alas, you will fail

[Marcus Bales]

They say if you do it too much
There's desensitization to touch
You'll flog and you'll flail
But, alas, you will fail
To arrive -- once you've burned out your clutch.

[dddrum]

They say if you do it too much
There's desensitization to touch
You'll flog and you'll flail
But, alas, you will fail
To arrive -- once you've burned out your clutch.
(Ouch. Put some salve on that.)


Perhaps there's an unguent or lotion

[Marcus Bales]

Perhaps there's an unguent or lotion
From shellfish caught deep in the ocean

[Hyakujo's Fox]

Perhaps there's an unguent or lotion
From shellfish caught deep in the ocean
that'll restore the hair
'pon a scalp that is bare

[Marcus Bales]

Perhaps there's an unguent or lotion
From shellfish caught deep in the ocean
that'll restore the hair
on a scalp that is bare --
And perhaps there's a price for that potion.

[Marcus Bales]

A bald man has sex-drive to spare

[Coffee]

A bald man has sex-drive to spare
but women just don't seem to care.

[Marcus Bales]

A bald man has sex-drive to spare
but women just don't seem to care.
they'd much rather do
the hirsute chap who
wastes hormones by growing his hair.

[Hyakujo's Fox]

There once was a fellow called Robin

[Marcus Bales]

There once was a fellow called Robin
Who was known for his bob bob bob bobbin'

[trisherina]

There once was a fellow called Robin
Who was known for his bob bob bob bobbin'
And when Bob would object

[Marcus Bales]

There once was a fellow called Robin
Who was known for his bob bob bob bobbin'
And when Bob would object
Then Robin sang Brecht
Or Sondheim, and left poor Bob sobbin'.

[Marcus Bales]

She watched him watch her watching him

[dddrum]

She watched him watch her watching him
As he watched her with countenance grim

[Marcus Bales]

She watched him watch her watching him
As he watched her with countenance grim
It's Hollywood poppycock,
Bollywood copypock,
Open a book, or work out at the gym!

[dddrum]

Although the whole while I was grinning
That last one just left my head spinning

[Marcus Bales]

Although the whole while I was grinning
That last one just left my head spinning
At first it seems nice
But when it's read twice
It's a clear invitation to sinning.

[Marcus Bales]

If all this is just the beginning

[glasshouse]

If all this is just the beginning
I shouldn't have thoughts about winning

[Hyakujo's Fox]

If all this is just the beginning
I shouldn't have thoughts about winning
the national lottery

[12"razormix]

If all this is just the beginning
I shouldn't have thoughts about winning
the national lottery
beats regional pottery

[glasshouse]

If all this is just the beginning
I shouldn't have thoughts about winning
the national lottery
beats regional pottery
Bucks before clay that sits spinning

[Marcus Bales]

I'm thinking of starting a blog
About my two cats and a dog

[glasshouse]

I'm thinking of starting a blog
About my two cats and a dog
Would the pet store get jealous?
The owner's so zealous!

[Marcus Bales]

I'm thinking of starting a blog
About my two cats and a dog
Would the pet store get jealous?
The owner's so zealous!
And, frankly, he looks like a frog.

[Marcus Bales]

He's pop-eyed and bloated and croaks

[Hyakujo's Fox]

He's pop-eyed and bloated and croaks
He'll only laugh at his own jokes
His diet's just awful
Eating flies by the mawful
But you should see his tongue when it pokes

[Marcus Bales]

His girlfriends and wives are all smiles

[Marcus Bales]

His girlfriends and wives are all smiles
His lawyers all motions and files

[glasshouse]

His girlfriends and wives are all smiles
His lawyers all motions and files
But under it all
He's ready to bawl

[trisherina]

His girlfriends and wives are all smiles
His lawyers all motions and files
But under it all
He's ready to bawl
For his humours have all turned to biles.

[Marcus Bales]

He still can't believe that he's dying

[trisherina]

He still can't believe that he's dying
As someone so practiced at lying

[Marcus Bales]

He still can't believe that he's dying;
As someone so practiced at lying
On purpose, for sport,
In love, and in court,

[Hyakujo's Fox]

He still can't believe that he's dying;
As someone so practiced at lying
On purpose, for sport,
In love, and in court,
Shouldn't be in an electric chair frying

[glasshouse]

The smell on the wind faintly sweet

[Marcus Bales]

The smell on the wind, faintly sweet,
Reminiscent of ripening wheat,

[dddrum]

The smell on the wind, faintly sweet,
Reminiscent of ripening wheat,
Is the sizzle and crackle
Of his trouser tackle
Now this story, too, is complete!

[Marcus Bales]

There's something a little odd here

[Hyakujo's Fox]

There's something a little odd here
There's a distinctive tang to this beer

[Marcus Bales]

There's something a little odd here
There's a distinctive tang to this beer
The music's too loud

[dddrum]

There's something a little odd here
There's a distinctive tang to this beer
The music's too loud
There's not much of a crowd

[Marcus Bales]

There's something a little odd here
There's a distinctive tang to this beer
The music's too loud
There's not much of a crowd
At this bar in Kinshasa, Zaire.

[Marcus Bales]

Oh, dry the incipient tear

[trisherina]

Oh, dry the incipient tear
And watch all your woes disappear

[Marcus Bales]

Oh, dry the incipient tear
And watch all your woes disappear
Get thinner, get fatter,
It just doesn't matter:
We're all dying to get out of here.

[Marcus Bales]

The aisles of the grocery store

[trisherina]

The aisles of the grocery store
Were blocked by a cheap skinny whore

[Marcus Bales]

The aisles of the grocery store
Were blocked by a cheap skinny whore
And her john in a cart

[dddrum]

The aisles of the grocery store
Were blocked by a cheap skinny whore
And her john in a cart
We pulled them apart
Which made a big mess on the floor

[Hyakujo's Fox]

He was the new kid on the block

[trisherina]

He was the new kid on the block
And we found him once, donning a frock

[Marcus Bales]

He was the new kid on the block
And we found him once, donning a frock
It was raw silk and lace

[trisherina]

He was the new kid on the block
And we found him once, donning a frock
It was raw silk and lace
And the look on his face

[Jack Flanders]

He was the new kid on the block
And we found him once, donning a frock
It was raw silk and lace
And the look on his face
We all knew he wasn't a jock.

[Hyakujo's Fox]

I dreamt that I became Queen of Spain

[madasacutsnake]

I dreamt that I became Queen of Spain
And made the rain from the plain refrain

[Marcus Bales]

I dreamt that I became Queen of Spain
And made the rain from the plain refrain
And then felt pretty silly
Since it rains where it's hilly
And not all that much on the plain.

[Marcus Bales]

Sit down here before we begin

[Jack Flanders]

I dreamt that I became Queen of Spain
And made the rain from the plain refrain
From pouring down the drain
(so again too late. i like mine better!)

[trisherina]

Sit down here before we begin
To flay off a layer of skin

[Jack Flanders]

Sit down here before we begin
To flay off a layer of skin
And tell me about your thoughts of life

[dddrum]

Sit down here before we begin
To flay off a layer of skin
And tell me of life
I'll sharpen the knife

[trisherina]

Sit down here before we begin
To flay off a layer of skin
And tell me of life
I'll sharpen the knife
To make the cuts even more thin.

[Marcus Bales]

Is there anything better than this

[Hyakujo's Fox]

Is there anything better than this
state we call connubial bliss?

[Marcus Bales]

Is there anything better than this
state we call connubial bliss?
Unless it's the thrill
From some Jack or some Jill

[Hyakujo's Fox]

Is there anything better than this
state we call connubial bliss?
Unless it's the thrill
From some Jack or some Jill
You picked up one night on the piss

[Marcus Bales]

Is there anything better than that?

[dddrum]

Is there anything better than that?
Bringing bimbos on back to your flat

[madasacutsnake]

Is there anything better than that?
Bringing bimbos on back to your flat
^^ Rohypnol works wonders

[jasmina]

Is there anything better than that?
Bringing bimbos on back to your flat
^^ Rohypnol works wonders
So that all of your blunders

[Marcus Bales]

Is there anything better than that?
Bringing bimbos on back to your flat
Rohypnol works wonders
So that all of your blunders
Are moot as your morals, you rat.

[Marcus Bales]

The wind out there whispers and moans

[trisherina]

The wind out there whispers and moans
It whisks a chill deep through my bones

[Marcus Bales]

The wind out there whispers and moans
It whisks a chill deep through my bones
It echoes my sighs

[ambo]

The wind out there whispers and moans
It whisks a chill deep through my bones
It echoes my sighs
And hardens my fries

[dddrum]

The wind out there whispers and moans
It whisks a chill deep through my bones
It echoes my sighs
And hardens my fries
(It's a good job I also brought scones)

[Marcus Bales]

I never have liked the Big Mac

[dddrum]

I never have liked the Big Mac
Perhaps it is just that I lack

[Jack Flanders]

I never have liked the Big Mac
Perhaps it is the just that I lack
The need to consume all that fat

[dddrum]

I never have liked the Big Mac
Perhaps it is the just that I lack
The need to consume
all that fat; I assume
You've not seen yourself from the back

[Marcus Bales]

Oh, give me a Whopper with cheese

[Jack Flanders]

Oh, give me a Whopper with cheese
But hold the onions, please

[trisherina]

Oh, give me a Whopper with cheese
But hold the onions, please
I need my breath fresh

[Marcus Bales]

Oh, give me a Whopper with cheese
But hold the onions, please
I need my breath fresh
For kissing John Tesh

[ambo]

Oh, give me a Whopper with cheese
But hold the onions, please
I need my breath fresh
For kissing John Tesh
Whilst he pounds on the ivory keys

[Jack Flanders]

Oh, give me a Whopper with cheese
But hold the onions, please
I need my breath fresh
For kissing John Tesh
And will he retire, please.

[Marcus Bales]

I went on a wild Christmas bender

[Zatoichi]

I went on a wild Christmas bender
'til March, and through June, and September

[Marcus Bales]

I went on a wild Christmas bender
'til March, and through June, and September
I'm still drunk today

[Coffee]

I went on a wild Christmas bender
'til March, and through June, and September
I'm still drunk today
and staying that way

[dddrum]

I went on a wild Christmas bender
'til March, and through June, and September
I'm still drunk today
and staying that way
For a full three-s(hic)ix-five; NO SHHURRENDER!