communal limericks

[Hyakujo's Fox]

She sits in the kitchen just stewing

[ambo]

She sits in the kitchen just stewing
While nearby, her potions are brewing

[LeahDear]

She sits in the kitchen just stewing
While nearby, her potions are brewing
Her plans for revenge
To finally avenge

[Anna]

She sits in the kitchen just stewing,
while nearby, her potions are brewing.
Her plans for revenge,
to finally avenge,
when the innards are ripe for the chewing.

[Hyakujo's Fox]

There once was a girl with a spoon

[Ze Frank]

There once was a girl with a spoon
Her friends said she's quite the loon

[dddrum]

There once was a girl with a spoon
Her friends said she's quite the loon
She'd take off her clothes
Smack the spoon on her nose

[Jack Flanders]

There once was a girl with a spoon
Her friends said she's quite the loon
She'd take off her clothes
Smack the spoon on her nose
And sing to the man on the moon!

[Anna]

There once was a girl with a spoon
Her friends said she's quite the loon
She'd take off her clothes
Smack the spoon on her nose
And sing to the man on the moon! ole!

[Jack Flanders]

There once was a girl with a spoon
Her friends said she's quite the loon
She'd take off her clothes
Smack the spoon on her nose
And sing to the man on the moon! ole!
You show-off!!!

[funkytuba]

Why fight it? Just go with the flow

[LeahDear]

Why fight it? Just go with the flow
And bask in the late evening glow

[Marcus Bales]

Why fight it? Just go with the flow
And bask in the late evening glow
With a spoon on your nose

[Hyakujo's Fox]

Why fight it? Just go with the flow
And bask in the late evening glow
With a spoon on your nose
There'll be no need for clothes

[LeahDear]

Why fight it? Just go with the flow
And bask in the late evening glow
With a spoon on your nose
There'll be no need for clothes
Except a ring on the end of your toe

[Hyakujo's Fox]

I greet every day with a laugh

[LeahDear]

I greet every day with a laugh
It makes things better by half

[Hyakujo's Fox]

I greet every day with a laugh
It makes things better by half
I forget all my ills

[Ze Frank]

I greet every day with a laugh
It makes things better by half
I forget all my ills
By popping my pills

[Anna]

I greet every day with a laugh
It makes things better by half
I forget all my ills
By popping my pills
and a bottle of wine in a carafe

[ambo]

See, right there's the thing that I miss

[funkytuba]

See, right there's the thing that I miss,
That which rules out a long life of bliss

[LeahDear]

See, right there's the thing that I miss,
That which rules out a long life of bliss
we deserve to be happy

[Marcus Bales]

See, right there's the thing that I miss,
That which rules out a long life of bliss
we deserve to be happy
so don't let those crappy

[Ze Frank]

See, right there's the thing that I miss,
That which rules out a long life of bliss
we deserve to be happy
so don't let those crappy
Bird poops from the sky ruin your happiness

[trisherina]

The fireworks displayed overhead

[Ze Frank]

The fireworks displayed overhead
With loud booms that could wake up the dead

[ambo]

The fireworks displayed overhead
With loud booms that could wake up the dead
The colors were nifty

[Ze Frank]

The fireworks displayed overhead
With loud booms that could wake up the dead
The colors were nifty
For forty minutes, maybe fifty

[Coffee]

The fireworks displayed overhead
With loud booms that could wake up the dead
The colors were nifty
For forty minutes, maybe fifty
The show's over, you kids get to bed!

[Coffee]

The sales trolls arrived like a horde

[Ze Frank]

The sales trolls arrived like a horde
In a Chevy, a Buick and a Ford

[ambo]

The sales trolls arrived like a horde
In a Chevy, a Buick and a Ford
They bored us with pitch

[Hyakujo's Fox]

The sales trolls arrived like a horde
In a Chevy, a Buick and a Ford
They bored us with pitch
Til we started to twitch

[LeahDear]

The sales trolls arrived like a horde
In a Chevy, a Buick and a Ford
They bored us with pitch
Til we started to twitch
And nailed their tongues to a board

[klinkie]

with ribbons and bows aplenty

[Marcus Bales]

With ribbons and bows aplenty
To please the pre-teen congnoscenti

[trisherina]

With ribbons and bows aplenty
To please the pre-teen cognoscenti
All the giggles and screams

[Marcus Bales]

With ribbons and bows aplenty
To please the pre-teen cognoscenti
All the giggles and screams
Coalesce into dreams

[Ze Frank]

With ribbons and bows aplenty
To please the pre-teen cognoscenti
All the giggles and screams
Coalesce into dreams
And the crowd tossed down their confetti

[Hyakujo's Fox]

How can you be so so unfair?

[ambo]

How can you be so so unfair?
When I thought we were quite quite the pair

[Marcus Bales]

How can you be so so unfair?
When I thought we were quite quite the pair
Now, far far away,

[klinkie]

How can you be so so unfair?
When I thought we were quite quite the pair
Now, far far away,
you tell me you're gay

[Marcus Bales]

How can you be so so unfair?
When I thought we were quite quite the pair
Now, far far away,
you tell me you're gay --
We were lesbian lovers, you mare!

[trisherina]

I try to decipher your code

[Ze Frank]

I try to decipher your code
But what do you mean by Greek Toad?

[Marcus Bales]

I try to decipher your code
But what do you mean by "Greek Toad"
Or "Latinate Lizard"

[Hyakujo's Fox]

I try to decipher your code
But what do you mean by "Greek Toad"
Or "Latinate Lizard"
Or "Whip the White Wizard"

[Ze Frank]

I try to decipher your code
But what do you mean by "Greek Toad"
Or "Latinate Lizard"
Or "Whip the White Wizard"
You are quite weird I have been told

[ambo]

Seems I'm finally looking my age

[Hyakujo's Fox]

Seems I'm finally looking my age
And sagging is now all the rage

[Marcus Bales]

Seems I'm finally looking my age
And sagging is now all the rage
My wrinkly bits

[trisherina]

Seems I'm finally looking my age
And sagging is now all the rage
My wrinkly bits
Are at last free of zits

[Marcus Bales]

Seems I'm finally looking my age
And sagging is now all the rage
My wrinkly bits
Are at last free of zits
From a caustic bacteriophage.

[Ze Frank]

Whatever happened to Sally?

[trisherina]

Whatever happened to Sally?
With all of her dither and dally?

[ambo]

Whatever happened to Sally?
With all of her dither and dally?
She left me this quill

[Marcus Bales]

Whatever happened to Sally?
With all of her dither and dally?
She left me this quill
And this little red pill

[Ze Frank]

Whatever happened to Sally?
With all of her dither and dally?
She left me this quill
And this little red pill
And her ten year old cat named Cali.

[Hyakujo's Fox]

The was a young man from China

[Marcus Bales]

The was a young man from China
Whose girl was a Mandarin whiner

[Ze Frank]

The was a young man from China
Whose girl was a Mandarin whiner
He gave her a smack

[Marcus Bales]

The was a young man from China
Whose girl was a Mandarin whiner
He gave her a smack
And she gave him one back

[Anna]

The was a young man from China
Whose girl was a Mandarin whiner
He gave her a smack
And she gave him one back
Now they both live in (S/N) Carollina

[Penut]

The young boy would not eat his cheese

[ambo]

The young boy would not eat his cheese
Unless it was served upon skis

[LeahDear]

The young boy would not eat his cheese
Unless it was served upon skis
Except, it's been said,
If you stood on your head

[Ze Frank]

The young boy would not eat his cheese
Unless it was served upon skis
Except, it's been said,
If you stood on your head
And put crackers upon your knees

[Hyakujo's Fox]

If you cover your knees with crackers
Beware of the too eager snackers

[ambo]

If you cover your knees with crackers
Beware of the too eager snackers
They'll gnaw on your caps

[Hyakujo's Fox]

If you cover your knees with crackers
Beware of the too eager snackers
They'll gnaw on your caps
Til your legs just collapse

[Ze Frank]

If you cover your knees with crackers
Beware of the too eager snackers
They'll gnaw on your caps
Til your legs just collapse
Then feed you to the Green Bay Packers

[Marcus Bales]

The Nolans took Dinz to the beach

[Hyakujo's Fox]

The Nolans took Dinz to the beach
They sunbaked just out of his reach

[Ze Frank]

The Nolans took Dinz to the beach
They sunbaked just out of his reach
But he had a good plan

[LeahDear]

The Nolans took Dinz to the beach
They sunbaked just out of his reach
But he had a good plan
Coz he's such a bright man

[Marcus Bales]

The Nolans took Dinz to the beach
They sunbaked just out of his reach
But he had a good plan
Coz he's such a bright man
To have first the pair and then each.

[Ze Frank]

The captain told all of his men

[Sunnybunny]

The captain told all of his men
It seems I've developed a yen

[Marcus Bales]

The captain told all of his men
It seems I've developed a yen
For spending our booty

[Coffee]

The captain told all of his men
It seems I've developed a yen
For spending our booty
on a blonde haired cutie
who goes by the name of Babe Zen.

[Marcus Bales]

Your dog has a very cold nose

[ambo]

Your dog has a very cold nose
And insists on correcting my prose

[LeahDear]

Your dog has a very cold nose
And insists on correcting my prose
But the thing I like best

[Marcus Bales]

Your dog has a very cold nose
And insists on correcting my prose
But the thing I like best
Is that when I protest

[Ze Frank]

Your dog has a very cold nose
And insists on correcting my prose
But the thing I like best
Is that when I protest
He'll nibble on all of my toes

[Marcus Bales]

That rich guy who wrote me a check

[ambo]

That rich guy who wrote me a check
Looked an awful lot like Gregory Peck

[Hyakujo's Fox]

That rich guy who wrote me a check
Looked an awful lot like Gregory Peck
So I asked "Do you act?"

[ambo]

That rich guy who wrote me a check
Looked an awful lot like Gregory Peck
So I asked "Do you act?"
Said he "...matter of fact..."

[LeahDear]

That rich guy who wrote me a check
Looked an awful lot like Gregory Peck
So I asked "Do you act?"
Said he "...matter of fact..."
"I've been in a series of Star Trek."

[Marcus Bales]

Who knows how much evil may lurk

[Hyakujo's Fox]

Who knows how much evil may lurk
In the heart of one James T Kirk

[ambo]

Who knows how much evil may lurk
In the heart of one James T Kirk
When split in the 'porter

[Coffee]

Who knows how much evil may lurk
In the heart of one James T Kirk
When split in the 'porter
at the Romulan border

[Brynn]

Who knows how much evil may lurk
In the heart of one James T Kirk
When split in the 'porter
at the Romulan border
His love life would go quite berserk.

[Marcus Bales]

We met in the Bois de Boulogne

[Hyakujo's Fox]

We met in the Bois de Boulogne
I asked if she came here alone

[Anna]

We met in the Bois de Boulogne
I asked if she came here alone
She whispered, "seldom my friend"

[trisherina]

We met in the Bois de Boulogne
I asked if she came here alone
She whispered, "seldom my friend"
But she liked to pretend

[Zatoichi]

We met in the Bois de Boulogne
I asked if she came here alone
She whispered, "seldom my friend"
But she liked to pretend
As her bustier looked quite at home.

[Hyakujo's Fox]

While strolling along the left bank

[trisherina]

While strolling along the left bank
My heart leapt then suddenly sank

[ambo]

While strolling along the left bank
My heart leapt then suddenly sank
For there in the fog

[Anna]

While strolling along the left bank
My heart leapt then suddenly sank
For there in the fog
rising up from the bog

[Hyakujo's Fox]

While strolling along the left bank
My heart leapt then suddenly sank
For there in the fog
rising up from the bog -
my stupid ex-girlfriend, the skank

[Marcus Bales]

The girls on the Champs Elysee

[Hyakujo's Fox]

The girls on the Champs Elysee
Just walk back and forth all the day

[Anna]

The girls on the Champs Elysee
Just walk back and forth all the day
high heals sheer stockings

[LeahDear]

The girls on the Champs Elysee
Just walk back and forth all the day
high heals sheer stockings
and big diamond rings
That the men give in payment for play

[Marcus Bales]

The boulevard out to Parnassus

[Marcus Bales]

The boulevard out to Parnassus
Deteriorates as it passes

[Anna]

The boulevard out to Parnassus
Deteriorates as it passes
The straight road now winds

[Marcus Bales]

The boulevard out to Parnassus
Deteriorates as it passes
The straight road now winds
Through several kinds

[Anna]

The boulevard out to Parnassus
Deteriorates as it passes
The straight road now winds
Through several kinds
Of a sweet chelating molasses

[Marcus Bales]

I flicked on the rotary saw

[Anna]

I flicked on the rotary saw
to make a reusable straw

[Hyakujo's Fox]

I flicked on the rotary saw
to make a reusable straw
But I clumsily tripped

[Anna]

I flicked on the rotary saw
to make a reusable straw
But I clumsily tripped
and lost hold of my grip

[Marcus Bales]

I flicked on the rotary saw
to make a reusable straw
But I clumsily tripped
and lost hold of my grip
and now girls just point and guffaw.

[Anna]

how many times have I told you?

[Hyakujo's Fox]

how many times have I told you?
I only wanted to hold you

[Anna]

how many times have I told you?
I only wanted to hold you
But now you've gone and ruined it

[Marcus Bales]

How many times have I told you?
I only wanted to hold you
But now you've gone and ruined it
By threatening to sue, and it

[trisherina]

How many times have I told you?
I only wanted to hold you
But now you've gone and ruined it
By threatening to sue, and it
Means I can never game gold you.

[Marcus Bales]

What is that spot on the rug?

[ambo]

What is that spot on the rug?
Is that where you bludgeoned the thug?

[Marcus Bales]

What is that spot on the rug?
Is that where you bludgeoned the thug?
And what is that smell?

[ambo]

What is that spot on the rug?
Is that where you bludgeoned the thug?
And what is that smell?
An extra syllabell?

[Hyakujo's Fox]

What is that spot on the rug?
Is that where you bludgeoned the thug?
And what is that smell?
An extra syllabell?
Hey, don't just stand there and shrug!

[Marcus Bales]

You can't get away from me now

[ambo]

You can't get away from me now
I've chained your left lobe to your cow

[e_why]

You can't get away from me now
I've chained your left lobe to your cow
She mooed more than you

[Marcus Bales]

You can't get away from me now
I've chained your left lobe to your cow
She mooed more than you
And indigo, too

[Audreyvgs]

You can't get away from me now
I've chained your left lobe to your cow
She mooed more than you
And indigo, too
you thoughtless blue squeaky ass sow!

[Marcus Bales]

You ought to come right out and say

[ambo]

You ought to come right out and say
That you think I'm too old to play

[Marcus Bales]

You ought to come right out and say
That you think I'm too old to play
This hinting around

[Anna]

You ought to come right out and say
That you think I'm too old to play
This hinting around
Doesn't gain any ground

[Marcus Bales]

You ought to come right out and say
That you think I'm too old to play
This hinting around
Doesn't gain any ground
On the old age and cunning cliche.

[Marcus Bales]

Here is your note -- now begin

[Anna]

Here is your note -- now begin
I've taken the quote with a grin

[Marcus Bales]

Here is your note -- now begin
I've taken the quote with a grin
and then this allusion

[Anna]

Here is your note -- now begin
I've taken the quote with a grin
and then this allusion
intent stays confusion

[trisherina]

Here is your note -- now begin
I've taken the quote with a grin
and then this allusion
intent stays confusion
This thing needs a kick in the shin.

[ambo]

The sight of him eating that bacon

[LeahDear]

The sight of him eating that bacon
after promising he'd forsaken

[Hyakujo's Fox]

The sight of him eating that bacon
after promising he'd forsaken
the fruit of the pig

[Marcus Bales]

The sight of him eating that bacon
after promising he'd forsaken
the fruit of the pig
why did he renege

[LeahDear]

The sight of him eating that bacon
after promising he'd forsaken
the fruit of the pig
why did he renege
on the deal when we'd already shaken

[Anna]

Now that the deal is done

[LeahDear]

Now that the deal is done
and the work on the house has begun

[Coffee]

Now that the deal is done
and the work on the house has begun
I can start a new project

[catbelly]

Now that the deal is done
and the work on the house has begun
I can start a new project
Money's no object

[Marcus Bales]

Now that the deal is done
and the work on the house has begun
I can start a new project
Money's no object
And neither is scansion, rhyne, or rhythun.

[ambo]

There's a saying 'bout stones and sin

[Marcus Bales]

There's a saying 'bout stones and sin
Another of pennies and gin

[ambo]

There's a saying 'bout stones and sin
Another of pennies and gin
One 'bout how the big fall

[Marcus Bales]

There's a saying 'bout stones and sin
Another of pennies and gin
One 'bout how the big fall
Long after the rhythm-challenged little people are all

[ambo]

There's a saying 'bout stones and sin
Another of pennies and gin
One 'bout how the big fall
Long after the rhythm-challenged little people are all
I see Marcus has chosen to ruin another limerick........
Would anyone else care to continue this one?
No?
Then I will.

There's a saying 'bout stones and sin
Another of pennies and gin
One 'bout how the big fall
But my favorite of all
Can fit on the head of a pin

[Marcus Bales]

I see Marcus has chosen to ruin another limerick........
Would anyone else care to continue this one?

There's a saying 'bout stones and sin
Another of pennies and gin
One 'bout how the big fall

Ambo, maybe if you were open to learning something about how verse is supposed to scan you wouldn't be so defensive. But right now nearly every line you write has something pretty seriously wrong with it. I am mocking your lame lines, sure, but that is because they're lame lines. Take these two you've done, for example:

there's a SAYing 'bout STONES and SIN

A limerick line's charm is in the facility with which the writer uses the language, not abuses it. You're missing a syllable between stones and sin, and you abbreviate a word that is not commonly abbreviated, about, in order to try to jam the right number of syllables in the line. The strange thing is that even though you seem willing to abuse the language in order to get the rhythm, you still just don't get the rhythm. Basically, the rule is "Don't abuse the language to get the rhythm"; the exception is "If you abuse the language to get the rhythm, do it cleverly or amusingly"; the corollary is "If you must abuse the language to get the rhythm, then at least get the rhythm when you abuse the language"; and you have achieved the worst case in yours: you not only abuse the language uncleverly and unamusingly, but having done so, you STILL get it wrong.

The other one is not quite so bad, but you still abuse the language with 'bout when a little thought and imagination could get around having to do such a lame-o thing.

The fun in limericks is in succeeding in a crushingly difficult form: it's short, it's two rhythms not common in English, it's got to be clever or amusing. If you can't handle the form, you're not really having the fun. You may be having some other kind of fun, like "Look how badly I can goof up when other people can actually do what I can't do" kind of fun, I guess, but it's painful to watch, and one imagines that if you really recognized just how badly you're doing, you'd find it painful, too.

You might do well to remember the dictum: Poems are easy to write if you don't know how.

Marcus

[ambo]

Ambo, maybe if you were open to learning something about how verse is supposed to scan you wouldn't be so defensive. But right now nearly every line you write has something pretty seriously wrong with it. I am mocking your lame lines, sure, but that is because they're lame lines. Take these two you've done, for example:

there's a SAYing 'bout STONES and SIN

A limerick line's charm is in the facility with which the writer uses the language, not abuses it. You're missing a syllable between stones and sin, and you abbreviate a word that is not commonly abbreviated, about, in order to try to jam the right number of syllables in the line. The strange thing is that even though you seem willing to abuse the language in order to get the rhythm, you still just don't get the rhythm. Basically, the rule is "Don't abuse the language to get the rhythm"; the exception is "If you abuse the language to get the rhythm, do it cleverly or amusingly"; the corollary is "If you must abuse the language to get the rhythm, then at least get the rhythm when you abuse the language"; and you have achieved the worst case in yours: you not only abuse the language uncleverly and unamusingly, but having done so, you STILL get it wrong.

The other one is not quite so bad, but you still abuse the language with 'bout when a little thought and imagination could get around having to do such a lame-o thing.

The fun in limericks is in succeeding in a crushingly difficult form: it's short, it's two rhythms not common in English, it's got to be clever or amusing. If you can't handle the form, you're not really having the fun. You may be having some other kind of fun, like "Look how badly I can goof up when other people can actually do what I can't do" kind of fun, I guess, but it's painful to watch, and one imagines that if you really recognized just how badly you're doing, you'd find it painful, too.

You might do well to remember the dictum: Poems are easy to write if you don't know how.

Marcus

Get off your high horse, Marcus, and LEAVE ME ALONE.
I didn't ask you to critique my writing. Nobody did.
You are an egotistical, arrogant, bore.
I will react to your "constructive criticism" exactly the same each time you do it, so save your breath, and GET A LIFE.

[catbelly]

Not be a shit disturber, but I assumed he was talking to me. My line wasn't right on.

[Marcus Bales]

Get off your high horse, Marcus, and LEAVE ME ALONE.
I didn't ask you to critique my writing. Nobody did.
You are an egotistical, arrogant, bore.
I will react to your "constructive criticism" exactly the same each time you do it, so save your breath, and GET A LIFE.

Resorting to name-calling is just more evidence that you really don't know what you're doing. Learn how to write limerick lines. I'm sure you're a wonderful person, kind to animals and your significant other, and you pay your taxes. But that doesn't entitle you to be self-righteous about your ignorance and incompetence. Learn more; get better -- don't whine.

[catbelly]

My gun is in need of a cleaning

[ambo]

Resorting to name-calling is just more evidence that you really don't know what you're doing. Learn how to write limerick lines. I'm sure you're a wonderful person, kind to animals and your significant other, and you pay your taxes. But that doesn't entitle you to be self-righteous about your ignorance and incompetence. Learn more; get better -- don't whine.

I have a question, Master Marcus. Just who the HELL do you think you are?
You have no right to tell me what to do, no right to insult me, and no right to place yourself in a position of final judge of what is good and bad poetry. Yours are the only actions that have been ignorant here, and you insist on continuing long after you have been asked to stop. The only reason you are getting away with this behavior is because this is an unmoderated forum. On any other forum, you would be asked to stop, and failing to do so, would be asked to leave.

Let me see if I can make this clear for your oversized brain to comprehend.
You CANNOT control this forum.
You CANNOT control me.
I WILL contribute to these threads as I see fit.
I will NOT take any advice or orders you give me, because you have no authority here.
I will CONTINUE to oppose you if you insist on publicly humiliating me whenever my prose does not live up to your standards.

Now, since you are obviously the much wiser of the two of us, surely you can see that to continue to try to educate one poor ignorant slob is really a waste of your very valuable time.

[ambo]

My gun is in need of a cleaning
And my chicken coop needs a good screening

[Marcus Bales]

I have a question, Master Marcus. Just who the HELL do you think you are?

I'm the guy who writes the good limericks.

You have no right to tell me what to do, no right to insult me, and no right to place yourself in a position of final judge of what is good and bad poetry.

Sure I do: and the test is whether I make a reasonable case for my opinions, since judging poetry is a subjective endeavor. I think I've made a reasonable case whenever you've made a really bad line. I don't bother to point out every sort of bad line, of course, only when one really grates.

Yours are the only actions that have been ignorant here, and you insist on continuing long after you have been asked to stop.

I've asked YOU to stop writing bad limerick lines. That's the point, here, Ambo -- YOU are the one who won't stop. If you stop writing bad lines, I'll be happy to stop criticising the lines.

The only reason you are getting away with this behavior is because this is an unmoderated forum. On any other forum, you would be asked to stop, and failing to do so, would be asked to leave.

Bah. You've been asked to stop writing bad lines and you haven't done it. Stop writing bad lines and I'll stop making fun of your bad lines. I'm not down on YOU, Ambo, I'm down on your behavior and your work. Do better work, behave better, and your work and behavior won't be mocked.

I WILL contribute to these threads as I see fit.
I will NOT take any advice or orders you give me, because you have no authority here.
I will CONTINUE to oppose you if you insist on publicly humiliating me whenever my prose does not live up to your standards.

But of course the problem is that you are writing prose when you should be writing poetry -- it's not that your prose does not live up to my standards for prose. It's that your prose does not live up to my standards for poetry. Perhaps one of the first things you should look into is the difference, eh?

Now, since you are obviously the much wiser of the two of us, surely you can see that to continue to try to educate one poor ignorant slob is really a waste of your very valuable time.

Oh, no -- it's never a waste of time to try to educate the ignorant! Ignorance means "lack of information". It's the stupid (those who lack the processing power) who it's a waste of time to educate.

Look, Ambo, sometimes your lines are fine. Hell, sometimes my lines are crappy. Everyone writes a bad line now and then. Mocking bad lines is part of the game. Lighten up -- it's only communal verse on a bulletin board. No one even knows your real name, as far as I know. What are YOU complaining about, Ms Anonymous? You could write crappy lines forever and no one would ever connect it with your real life. I, on the other hand, sign my real name, and take some pride in my work. Maybe there's a lesson there for those who would learn it.

[Marcus Bales]

My gun is in need of a cleaning
And my chicken coop needs a good screening
That terrible hawk

[ambo]

I'm the guy who writes the good limericks.



Sure I do: and the test is whether I make a reasonable case for my opinions, since judging poetry is a subjective endeavor. I think I've made a reasonable case whenever you've made a really bad line. I don't bother to point out every sort of bad line, of course, only when one really grates.



I've asked YOU to stop writing bad limerick lines. That's the point, here, Ambo -- YOU are the one who won't stop. If you stop writing bad lines, I'll be happy to stop criticising the lines.



Bah. You've been asked to stop writing bad lines and you haven't done it. Stop writing bad lines and I'll stop making fun of your bad lines. I'm not down on YOU, Ambo, I'm down on your behavior and your work. Do better work, behave better, and your work and behavior won't be mocked.



But of course the problem is that you are writing prose when you should be writing poetry -- it's not that your prose does not live up to my standards for prose. It's that your prose does not live up to my standards for poetry. Perhaps one of the first things you should look into is the difference, eh?



Oh, no -- it's never a waste of time to try to educate the ignorant! Ignorance means "lack of information". It's the stupid (those who lack the processing power) who it's a waste of time to educate.

Look, Ambo, sometimes your lines are fine. Hell, sometimes my lines are crappy. Everyone writes a bad line now and then. Mocking bad lines is part of the game. Lighten up -- it's only communal verse on a bulletin board. No one even knows your real name, as far as I know. What are YOU complaining about, Ms Anonymous? You could write crappy lines forever and no one would ever connect it with your real life. I, on the other hand, sign my real name, and take some pride in my work. Maybe there's a lesson there for those who would learn it.

Well, I give up, Marcus. You cannot be reasoned with. The fact is that this is not a game - there is no need for you to compete here. You are also not a teacher here (or anywhere, I'd bet), and there is absolutely nothing I want to learn from the likes of you. What you are is the biggest ass I've come across on all the bulletin boards I frequent, even if you do sign your real name :rolleyes: . I just hope that this pathetic need of yours to belittle and criticize the people around you makes up for whatever you are so obviously overcompensating.
P.S. I think your limericks suck, but you notice I had the manners (yes manners - perhaps you should look that up) not to say it over and over and over again.

[trisherina]

My gun is in need of a cleaning
And my chicken coop needs a good screening
That terrible hawk
Has been culling the flock

[Marcus Bales]

... The fact is that this is not a game

Oh, my dear girl! I had no idea you were really trying hard to write real poetry! I'm so sorry to have hurt your feelings.

[Marcus Bales]

My gun is in need of a cleaning
And my chicken coop needs a good screening
That terrible hawk
Has been culling the flock
He's poultry in motion's new meaning.

[LeahDear]

now now friends, kiss and make up

[Marcus Bales]

now now friends, kiss and make up
don't have a cow or a pup

[LeahDear]

now now friends, kiss and make up
don't have a cow or a pup
It's meant to be fun
a small written pun

[Zatoichi]

now now friends, kiss and make up
don't have a cow or a pup
It's meant to be fun
a small written pun
just don't get the cadence screwed up

[LeahDear]

^^^ :D
Bravo!

[Zatoichi]

I'm kicking the can down the road

[Marcus Bales]

I'm kicking the can down the road
I left my emotional load

[LeahDear]

I'm kicking the can down the road
I left my emotional load
back home in the city

[Marcus Bales]

I'm kicking the can down the road
I left my emotional load
back home in the city
And now my new ditty

[Zatoichi]

I'm kicking the can down the road
I left my emotional load
back home in the city
And now my new ditty
Goes "worries are down the commode"

[ambo]

The breeze sets my wind chimes a-tinkling

[Marcus Bales]

The breeze sets my wind chimes a-tinkling
I squint in the sun, crow's feet wrinkling,

[Zatoichi]

The breeze sets my wind chimes a-tinkling
I squint in the sun, crow's feet wrinkling,
A fresh sense of dread
Compels me to shed

[Marcus Bales]

The breeze sets my wind chimes a-tinkling
I squint in the sun, crow's feet wrinkling,
A fresh sense of dread
Compels me to shed
My lunch as I gag in the stinkling.

[Marcus Bales]

Of all of the gin joints in town

[LeahDear]

Of all of the gin joints in town
it's this one where you choose to drown
your sorrows with booze

[Marcus Bales]

Of all of the gin joints in town
it's this one where you choose to drown
your sorrows with booze
and slow country blues

[LeahDear]

Of all of the gin joints in town
it's this one where you choose to drown
your sorrows with booze
and slow country blues
while your tears fall like rain on your gown

[Zatoichi]

The cobweb across the front door

[LeahDear]

The cobweb across the front door
somehow serve to enhance the decor

[Zatoichi]

The cobweb across the front door
Somehow serves to enhance the decor
The dog poo, contrarily

[funkytuba]

The burn marks down there on the floor
Somehow serve to enhance the decor

[Audreyvgs]

The burn marks down there on the floor
Somehow serve to enhance the decor
in this type of bar room

[Marcus Bales]

The cobweb across the front door
Somehow serves to enhance the decor
The dog poo, contrarily
was spread about scarily

[Coffee]

The burn marks down there on the floor
Somehow serve to enhance the decor
in this type of bar room
where a Harley's the broom

[Coffee]

The burn marks down there on the floor
Somehow serve to enhance the decor
in this type of bar room
where a Harley's the broom



I want it...please.

and a hole in the wall is the door.

[Marcus Bales]

The cobweb across the front door
Somehow serves to enhance the decor
The dog poo, contrarily,
was spread about scarily
Stinking in piles on the floor.

[catbelly]

L'il Pluto should still be a planet

[Coffee]

L'il Pluto should still be a planet
Clyde rolls in his grave and moans "Damn it"

[Audreyvgs]

L'il Pluto should still be a planet
Clyde rolls in his grave and moans "Damn it"
St. Chris is no longer a saint,

[Marcus Bales]

L'il Pluto should still be a planet
Clyde rolls in his grave and moans "Damn it"
St. Chris is no longer a saint,
The Kouros faux paint

[zenbabe]

L'il Pluto should still be a planet
Clyde rolls in his grave and moans "Damn it"
St. Chris is no longer a saint,
The Kouros faux paint
And the country's so broke we can't man it!

[Marcus Bales]

The cats are asleep in the sun

[Zatoichi]

The cats are asleep in the sun
In cat dreams the birds have begun

[zenbabe]

The cats are asleep in the sun
In cat dreams the birds have begun
to shit on the heads

[Marcus Bales]

The cats are asleep in the sun
In cat dreams the birds have begun
to shit on the heads
and Sunday-best threads

[ambo]

The cats are asleep in the sun
In cat dreams the birds have begun
to shit on the heads
of the mice in their beds

[Marcus Bales]

The cats are asleep in the sun
In cat dreams the birds have begun
to shit on the heads
and Sunday-best threads
Of the dogs who have made the cats run.

[Hyakujo's Fox]

The cats are asleep in the sun
In cat dreams the birds have begun
to shit on the heads
of the mice in their beds
then crap on the rats as they run

[Hyakujo's Fox]

A dentist, midway through his drilling

[ambo]

A dentist, midway through his drilling
Realized there was no need for filling

[catbelly]

A dentist, midway through his drilling
Realized there was no need for filling
The chompers were false

[ambo]

A dentist, midway through his drilling
Realized there was no need for filling
The chompers were false
From too many malts

[Coffee]

A dentist, midway through his drilling
Realized there was no need for filling
The chompers were false
From too many malts
he packed up and charged half a shilling

[ambo]

The candle had burned to wick's end

[Zatoichi]

The candle had burned to wick's end
And left me alone to pretend

[Marcus Bales]

The candle had burned to wick's end
And left me alone to pretend
Its fast-dimming light

[Zatoichi]

The candle had burned to wick's end
And left me alone to pretend
Its fast-dimming light
Was the last bit of sight

[Marcus Bales]

The candle had burned to wick's end
And left me alone to pretend
Its fast-dimming light
Was the last bit of sight
My teen-age despair would transcend.

[Marcus Bales]

It's cool out but warm in the house

[Zatoichi]

It's cool out but warm in the house
Where all of us -- even the mouse --

[Marcus Bales]

It's cool out but warm in the house
Where all of us -- even the mouse --
Have three months to wait

[Zatoichi]

It's cool out but warm in the house
Where all of us -- even the mouse --
Have three months to wait
While fire in the grate

[Marcus Bales]

It's cool out but warm in the house
Where all of us -- even the mouse --
Have three months to wait
While fire in the grate
Keeps Santa at home with his spouse.

[Zatoichi]

My left hand unfastens your bra

[Marcus Bales]

My left hand unfastens your bra
I kiss you in breath-quickened awe

[LeahDear]

My left hand unfastens your bra
I kiss you in breath-quickened awe
yet to my surprise

[Marcus Bales]

My left hand unfastens your bra
I kiss you in breath-quickened awe
yet to my surprise
Your chest is a guy's

[Audreyvgs]

My left hand unfastens your bra
I kiss you in breath-quickened awe
yet to my surprise
Your chest is a guy's
what I felt was not like what i saw

[Marcus Bales]

Lying, deception, deceit

[Audreyvgs]

Lying, deception, deceit
those Blahniks that sit on my feet

[ambo]

Lying, deception, deceit
those Blahniks that sit on my feet
Say "MADE IN JAPAN"

[Hyakujo's Fox]

Lying, deception, deceit
those Blahniks that sit on my feet
Say "MADE IN JAPAN"
And my stunning new tan

[Audreyvgs]

Lying, deception, deceit
those Blahniks that sit on my feet
Say "MADE IN JAPAN"
And my stunning new tan
tinted blue, colors running from the heat

[Hyakujo's Fox]

I stumbled upon a solution

[Audreyvgs]

I stumbled upon a solution
to end all my email pollution

[ambo]

I stumbled upon a solution
to end all my email pollution
I purchased a pen

[Audreyvgs]

I stumbled upon a solution
to end all my email pollution
I purchased a pen
some paper, and then

[LeahDear]

I stumbled upon a solution
to end all my email pollution
I purchased a pen
some paper, and then
wrote a virus entitled 'confucian'

[Hyakujo's Fox]

Confucius once famously said

[trisherina]

Confucius once famously said
"In the long run, we all will be dead."

[Audreyvgs]

Confucius once famously said
"In the long run, we all will be dead."
so you should think twice

[ambo]

Confucius once famously said
"In the long run, we all will be dead."
so you should think twice
about how you treat mice

[dddrum]

Confucius once famously said
"In the long run, we all will be dead."
so you should think twice
about how you treat mice
(No FooFooesque bops on the head!) :(

[ambo]

I knew that he knew that I knew

[Coffee]

I knew that he knew that I knew
that I know that he knows that I do