Post something that made you laugh today.

[red]

"You can just put two in and make a chocolate cake."

[priceyfatprude]

My youngest GBF telling me he's seen my brother on gay.com

[Spicy Jack]

HA..that's how we found one of our friends...well, we always knew, but the farker would never admit it...therefore we were evil about the whole things...as real loving, caring, friends would be. He denied it to our face so many times until we chased him down the block yelling obsenities. Love. It is a beautiful thing.

[drshok]

Question
What are kettle drums called?
Answer
Kettle drums.

[weissenflatz]

Originally posted by drshok
Question
What are kettle drums called?
Answer
Kettle drums.

You have a strange sense of humor....

[Audreyvgs]

http://www.audreyheffner.net/schoolnote.jpg
Wanna know what he did?

[red]

yes! yes!

[Audreyvgs]

Well, first he told me that it was because he was talkin about those tomatoes in the sack, that hang on the back of cars...
http://www.bumpernuts.com/sialballs.jpg


But that was a lie. He didn't get caught for that. I don't think she caught that part of the lunch conversation....

[red]

hey look! I didn't know vegatables could be balls!

[Audreyvgs]

He was just trying to divert my attention to the fact that he'd shown the boys at his table his Scooby-do Underwear.
http://i10.ebayimg.com/02/i/01/d1/25/c2_1_b.JPG

[Avalon]

bless Bink's heart. He was just proud, that's all..and creative ;)

Now his mom has gone and shown everyone his underoos:p

[masterofNone]

there's a good 20 years of therapy.

[Audreyvgs]

The other boys at the table decided to drop trou as well....but they weren't wearing any underwear.



Fortunately, Bink didn't expose himself, he'd had that lesson earlier at a different school.....luckily he remembered it. But he was charged as an instigator, and I guess all 3 got the same note home.



It was really hard not to laugh. The note had been so ominous tho, I immediately tracked the teacher down, found her and she was laughing as well. Bink was outside, apoplectic. He finally came in, red as one of those "tomatoes" worried that his world was crumbling. She made him tell me the story, and after the 5th try, he finally got it straight.

But i still don't think he actually knows what he did.

[Audreyvgs]

I think about that therapy thing everytime he sees me naked.

not that i'm prudish about it, Im casual. He's nekkid like 50% of the time, outside with the hose, on the dirtpile. I got tired of changin his clothes 9x a day.

[mightytiki]

Man Leaves Motel Room Slathered in Petroleum Jelly

BINGHAMTON, N.Y. (May 17) - Roger Chamberlain may have thought he managed to slide by police when he switched motels. But when he was allegedly found a short while later glimmering from head to toe in petroleum jelly, authorities believed they had their man.

Chamberlain, 44, of McClean, Va., is accused of coating nearly every available surface in his room at the Motel 6 near Binghamton with the unctuous substance.

Then, after checking out, a cleaning crew discovered the gooey mess - one that included mattresses, bedding, a television set, furniture, carpeting and towels all slathered with petroleum jelly.

Damage to the room and its contents was estimated at more than $1,000, and once police arrived, they found 14 empty petroleum jelly containers and numerous pornographic magazines in the trash can, according to WNBF radio in Binghamton.

A short time later, a sheriff's deputy found Chamberlain in a room at another motel, his body smeared entirely in the greasy stuff, authorities said.

Chamberlain was charged with felony criminal mischief and ordered held in Broome County Jail.

Meanwhile, back at the Motel 6, the manager said Chamberlain's old room remains unusable.


05-17-04 1808EDT

[Magpie]

Originally posted by imdrsmooth
P.S.
That's a lint roller.
:D

[Magpie]

Originally posted by mightytiki
Man Leaves Motel Room Slathered in Petroleum Jelly
HA! Most of my family called me last night to jokingly ask if this was my ex-husband...

When we seperated I had all the tax info (his receipts) in my possession so sorted/prepared his bags of expense receipts from the previous year for the accountant. Interesting what I found! One category...

Valseline purchase receipts totaling $63.00

I don't even want to know :eek:

[funkytuba]

Originally posted by Magpie
HA! Most of my family called me last night to jokingly ask if this was my ex-husband...

When we seperated I had all the tax info (his receipts) in my possession so sorted/prepared his bags of expense receipts from the previous year for the accountant. Interesting what I found! One category...

Valseline purchase receipts totaling $63.00

I don't even want to know :eek:

Were they deducted as a "business expense"?

[Gatsby]

Okay, sometimes you just have to laugh at yourself:

My house is old, and there is a big heater vent in the floor (about 3 feet x 4 feet, covered with a metal vent). So, I took the vent off and removed the filter to clean it out, which left the vent exposed (a hole about 4 feet deep). I went outside, rinsed the filter out, watered the plants, etc., and when I came back in I grabbed the mail.

As I walked back in the front door, I'm looking at the mail, reading it, and I walk directly into the hole. *Poof* No more Gatsby, she's stepped off the edge of the hardwood floor into the dark abyss of the heating duct, she's disappeared into the floor.

Now I have a big cut on the bottom of my foot and I had to totally change clothes because it was so dusty down there.

Ouch! But I could hardly lift myself out of the hole because I was laughing so hard at myself. I'm still chuckling.

[masterofNone]

that sounds like a scene out of a stephen king novel... except then there would have been large carnivorous rats down there to break your fall.

[madasacutsnake]

My bunny has learned to use the cat flap. Feisty little rat.

Now I have a big cut on the bottom of my foot and I had to totally change clothes because it was so dusty down there.

Ouch indeed.

[madasacutsnake]

I wish he really did fall 16 miles (http://www.cnn.com/2004/US/05/22/bush.fall/index.html)

[masterofNone]

"running the country is easy as riding a bike. any fool who can walk and chew pretzles at the same time could do it."
gwb

[Smartypants]

OK, MoN, you made me laugh today with that one!! LOL!! :D

[Clytie]

my brother trying to do impressions of newscasters while driving...he cant do an accent and drive...went right through a stop sign while trying to mimic Brokaw
:D

[Magpie]

Originally posted by funkytuba
Were they deducted as a "business expense"?
What exactly do you file that under?!

entertainment
medical
professional supplies (w/$63 of Vaseline you'd better be a pro)
hobby
baggage fee

Maybe figure it as a depreciation or loss on deposit? :D

[nycwriters]

Quote from a story about encouraging more women to become cabbies in NYC:

“Everybody likes that I’m a woman driver,” Atehortua, 50, of the Bronx said. “Some tourists like to take my picture and film me. They say, ‘Oh, my God. A woman driver.’”


I just laughed SO hard when I read that.

Then I offered to be a hack for a day for a story. I could hear my boss screeching from across the room.

More laughter ... hahahahahahahaha .....

[Spicy Jack]

"THE TEN COMMANDMENTS"

...the mucsical

No joke. Heard about it on the radio. Laughed pretty hard.

[sparticle]

Somebody sent me an Un-Birthday Card that wished me a happy un-birthday full of wonder and excitement and that all my wishes will come true on this, my special day

I thought it was so wonderful that I sat down and roared with laughter.

Mel-the-Fabulous-Flamepoint Siamese Cat thinks that cards, people who laugh and Un-Birthdays suck, especially when he is trying to sleep. He manages to get only eighteen or twenty hours' sleep a day, for God's sake, and he'd appreciate it if inconsiderate chuckleheads like me would tone it down.

[masterofNone]

http://www.angrypoodle.net/images/images8/bealevegas.jpg

[Smartypants]

I just got this in my e-mail:

-------------------
The following breeds are now recognized by the AKC:

Collie + Lhasa Apso = Collapso, a dog that folds up easy for transporting

Spitz + Chow Chow = Spitz-Chow, a dog that throws up alot

Pointer + Setter = Poinsetter, a traditional Christmas pet

Great Pyrenees + Dachshund = Pyradachs, a puzzling breed

Pekingnese + Lhasa Apso = Peekasso, an abstract dog

Irish Water Spaniel + English Springer Spaniel = Irish Springer, a dog
fresh and clean as a whistle

Labrador Retriever + Curly Coated Retriever = Lab Coat Retriever, the
choice of research scientists

Newfoundland + Basset Hound = Newfound Asset Hound, a dog for financial
advisors

Terrier + Bulldog = Terribull, a dog that makes awful mistakes

Bloodhound + Labrador = Blabador, not a popular dog with CIA agents

Malamute + Pointer = Moot Point, owned by... oh, well, it doesn't matter
anyway

Collie + Malamute = Commute, a dog that travels to work

Deerhound + Terrier = Derriere, a dog that's true to the end

[priceyfatprude]

You forgot

Bulldog + Shihtzu = Bull-Shit, a dog you brag about, but no one believes you.

[Audreyvgs]

Or it's a dog that poops so large that it's impossible to clean up after.

[zenbabe]

Originally posted by masterofNone
http://www.angrypoodle.net/images/images8/bealevegas.jpg


:D

[Audreyvgs]

We had a dog that was an airplane, half airedale, half plain dog.

[Audreyvgs]

http://www.audreyheffner.net/smartydinz.jpg

[12"razormix]

http://library.med.nyu.edu/library/libinfo/gen_info/suggest/images/stapler.jpg

[Smartypants]

Originally posted by Audreyvgs
http://www.audreyheffner.net/smartydinz.jpg

It made me laugh yesterday, and it made me laugh today.

And I would bet the farm that the NEXT time I see it, it will make me laugh again!!

:D

[Audreyvgs]

Me too, the whole thing, even before that was funny!

[Smartypants]

Have you noticed that Dinz, our own resident Mr. Crankypants, seems to be involved in some of the funniest (if not most high-brow) communal poetry?

This made me laugh REALLY HARD and I almost DID laugh off the little that remained of my ass!

From the 3-5-3 Haikus:

SPICY JACK:

Soiled black


DINZDALE:

Soiled black
is two syllables


SPICY JACK:

Soiled black
is two sylables
shut up dinz


DINZDALE:

Admit it


SPICY JACK:

Admit it
fine-you are stupid


DINZDALE:

Admit it
fine-you are stupid
but can count


SPICY JACK:

Hi, I'm Dinz


DINZDALE:

Hi, I'm Dinz
King of the Spatnys


SPICY JACK:

Hi, I'm Dinz
King of the Spatnys
I'm stupid


DINZDALE:

Hi Spicy!


SPICY JACK:

Hi Spicy!
Wanna dance with me?


DINZDALE:

Hi Spicy!
Wanna dance with me?
Ugh! Cheese breath!!!


SPICY JACK:

But..you said


DINZDALE:

But..you said
it didnt matter


SPICY JACK:

But..you said
it didnt matter
fickle men

[Audreyvgs]

I put it in a nice frame, and I'll give it to her tomarrow, do you think she'll like it?
http://www.audreyheffner.net/teacher.jpg


:p

[zero]

http://www.officefurnituredeals.co.uk/pics/product/side_tambour_open.jpg

[masterofNone]

Originally posted by Audreyvgs
I put it in a nice frame, and I'll give it to her tomarrow, do you think she'll like it?:p
think she'll appreciate that bink's mom wants to marry her?

[Audreyvgs]

I would turn lesbian for her. hahahahhahaha

I said it before once in her defense when somebody wrote a nasty letter about her (their dysfunctional child is their problem) so its a running joke with us anyway. I just thought it would be funny to actually put it in writing!

[masterofNone]

ahhh. it's all clear to me now. not that there's anything wrong with... y'know.

[chuckie egg]

Originally posted by masterofNone
deev is like madonna. the older she gets the more british she becomes.

Laugh? I nearly died - seriously!

[laughingbuddha]

http://www.batfinkuk.com/graphics/synop/synop001.gif

I dunno why but i was in splits reading this :)

[chuckie egg]

Hey whats funny about that - its genious! :D

[laughingbuddha]

I can't stop laughing!!!

hahahahahaha!

WOOOOOOOOO!

[priceyfatprude]

RCCola88442: dance like nobodys watching
RCCola88442: work like you don't need the money
RCCola88442: jack off like nobody's home

[dinzdale]

Play like an all-star
Party like a rock star
Shag like a porn star

[zero]

http://www.rumneyjnr.cardiff.sch.uk/images/Coffee%20Morning%20Summer%2002/coffee1.jpg

[Willow Sylph]

I'd rather post something that made me p*ssed today. :D

[Smartypants]

Originally posted by Willow Sylph
I'd rather post something that made me p*ssed today. :D


Well, aren't YOU in luck!!

http://zefrank.com/bulletin/showthread.php?threadid=4917

[Willow Sylph]

Originally posted by Smartypants
Well, aren't YOU in luck!!

http://zefrank.com/bulletin/showthread.php?threadid=4917 lol! But I wanted to soil this happy thread! Ooookay, I'm leaving ((shuffles feet and walks out))

[Spicy Jack]

a van filled with dogs hanging their heads out of the windows that read:

Doggy Day Care
Group Park Outings
and much much more!


silly silly people.

[red]

origami schlong covers

[red]

KISHA
The Steam Train
With smoke belching and cinders flying the big Steam Engine roars out the tunnel.
Proud, throbbing, hot.

The Call: "Chuff chuff chuff chuff chuff chuff chuff chuff, Whoooooooooooo! Got to make it! Got to make it!"

The Reply: "Please stand well clear of the tracks, the 11.25 express is coming through!"

The Play: Swing forearms vertically to simulate pistons. Move toward your partner in a straight line while making loud, rhythmic steam emission noises. Blow whistle before moving off again.


Just picturing this scene makes me laugh so hard I cry.

[AllegroNg]

Originally posted by zero
http://www.rumneyjnr.cardiff.sch.uk/images/Coffee%20Morning%20Summer%2002/coffee1.jpg

LMAO!!
Ha ha ha ha haaaaaaa!!! haah!

[priceyfatprude]

http://toothpastefordinner.com/052804/see-into-the-future.gif

[zero]

Originally posted by Willow Sylph
Perhaps you just don't get what the universal meaning of "O" means. :D

[madasacutsnake]

The Play: Swing forearms vertically to simulate pistons. Move toward your partner in a straight line while making loud, rhythmic steam emission noises. Blow whistle before moving off again.

It's some sort of sex, right?

[Clytie]

One of our patients was quite stopped up (hasnt had a bowel movement all week) today his bowels moved. He shouted for joy "I AM LIBERATED!"

*laughs*

[Clytie]

and itsnt it girls singing this song?.....*giggles*
hahaheee (http://www.3iiidesign.com/youthxing/viewthread.php?action=attachment&tid=561&pid=9766)

[priceyfatprude]

Bobby Flay did a whole show on 'jerk' cooking.

[zero]

http://www.quiltnstitch.com/images/friday.jpg

[Audreyvgs]

ha.





ha.





ha.

[Clytie]

seeing a bald alissa silverstone! http://baldstars.fineststars.com/baldstar/index/a/alicia%20silverstone/alicia%20silverstone%2001.jpg

[zero]

http://www.azlongarmquilters.com/show_tell_4.jpg

[Gatsby]

Dubya and the Pope go on a fishing trip together as a good show of mutual respect for the benefit of the public. As they're sitting there in the boat, the wind picks up, blowing Dubya's cowboy hat across the water. Dubya picks up his oar to begin rowing over to retrieve it, but the Pope stops him. "I'll get it for you," says the Pope, who then steps out of the boat, walks across the water, and returns with Dubya's hat.

The next day, the headline of the paper reads:

"George W. Bush Can't Swim"

[Abby Normal]

I was looking at my cat today, and she has a little triangular bald patch on her belly where the vet did some tests once. My mom said to me "Lottie's had a bikini wax."

[dinzdale]

But did she mention the cat? :confused:

[ch_burchill]

Originally posted by Smartypants
LOL! It reminds me of that production of Richard III in the movie "The Goodbye Girl" where Richard Dreyfus plays Richard as a lisping, mincing hunchback in draggy make-up and platform shoes!

[Audreyvgs]

tell me Bink's not into cars. Tonight he was eating ice cream, and he said it "froze the hood of his mouth."

[sparticle]

Mr. Sparticle asked me if I would dish up a serving of strawberry shortcake for him, and I prepared him a massive portion that would have better fit in a bathtub than a dessert dish. He couldn't believe his eyes -- acted like a little kid who was getting away with something, eating it before somebody could put a stop to it. It was funny to watch.

[nycwriters]

This made me chuckle, my dad emailed it to me today:


http://www.imagestation.com/picture/sraid120/pda34faef61dac2d1c1a94548af4199e0/f855d188.jpg


Every time I'd move home and then go to move out again my mom wouldn't let me leave with my cat, she grew so attached to them. I lost two cats that way. *sniff*

So from the left, Boo (the gray tuxedo kitty, circa 1996, moved back to go to college again), Cayleh (my baby, I miss her, my travellin' pooch, she's lived everywhere I've lived, except NYC :( ), Minou (aka Little Miss Bitchy per my mom, circa 1992, moved back after breaking up with fiancee) and then Bogie (circa 1987, bought the wee little boy for my mom as a birthday present).

My dad started sweating when I got two cats here in NYC. He adamantly put his foot down about no more animals in the house -- or the neighbors would begin to freak out. But based on how my mom went nuts over them when they were here to visit, I don't think dad will win out if it ever came to that. Hehe.

Aw man, this photo made my day. Probably means more to me than any of you, but their expressions are funny enough I suppose. :)

[sparticle]

Awwwwwwwwr, bless 'em. That's so nice, and good of your dad to send it along. Thanks for sharing! :)

[nycwriters]

A guy quoted in a story I read tonight -- his last name is Poisson-Tete.

Hehehehehe.....

[Klynne]

Originally posted by nycwriters
A guy quoted in a story I read tonight -- his last name is Poisson-Tete.

Hehehehehe.....

Fish head, Ha!

[daverbee]

This blog always makes me laugh:

I am eating my husband's soul (http://blogs.salon.com/0003076/2004/06/04.html)

[nycwriters]

My cat keeps licking my toes! :o

[JsnB]

I'm walking down the street and this guy hands me a booklet with the title:

Children of Satan II -- The Beast Men

Its an anti Bush - anti Iraq thing that is intended to associate LaRouche (running for some european union thing) as being against these evil things. Bush and those working closely with him are compared to historical figures associated with horrific war crimes. One title, for example, says "Cheney, Hitler & The Grand Inquisitor".

i wish I had a scanner to show pics.

Ah well....

[ally]

Originally posted by JsnB
(running for some european union thing)

[JsnB]

hmm... I take it that the quote above shows my complete and utter ignorance of european politics?

[masterofNone]

atually larouche is running for president right here in the states. he's on the libertarian ticket i think. nutty as a fruitcake, but not completely stupid.

[Audreyvgs]

Isn't he that KKK guy? *also utter ignorance*

[masterofNone]

nah, larouche is just a rich whacko... not a racist whacko

[ally]

Originally posted by JsnB
hmm... I take it that the quote above shows my complete and utter ignorance of european politics?
it just made me smile, because yesterday was the euopean elections, is a prety big thing really, it's just a typical americal view on things, in europe we hear about most of the major foriegn elections, in the usa, india etc... i'm trying to place my words here, don't want to vex anyone!!

[Smartypants]

Some friends of mine have two sons, one five years and the other 10. The young one is in a stage where he wants the world to revolve around him, and his mother overheard him bossing around some of his little friends.

She tried to get him to play nice with the other kids, and she told him "You know, you are not the boss of the world."

Still obstinate, he responded, "But I'm the boss of San Francisco!"

His brother, who was standing close by, said, "Well then, you've got one hell of a homeless problem!"

[Clytie]

http://www.thej3w.net/duck.jpg

[sparticle]

Originally posted by Smartypants
Some friends of mine have two sons, one five years and the other 10. The young one is in a stage where he wants the world to revolve around him, and his mother overheard him bossing around some of his little friends.

She tried to get him to play nice with the other kids, and she told him "You know, you are not the boss of the world."

Still obstinate, he responded, "But I'm the boss of San Francisco!"

His brother, who was standing close by, said, "Well then, you've go one hell of a homeless problem!"


OMG! THAT is one of the funniest things I have EVER heard! LOL!

[Avalon]

Originally posted by Clytie
http://www.thej3w.net/duck.jpg

Ohhh, that's not funny :( Is this the case where they were all rescued??

[Klynne]

Originally posted by Clytie
http://www.thej3w.net/duck.jpg

Awwww. I hope someone saved the little buggers. Does say something about Darwin's theory though.

[sparticle]

Today my daughter and I went to a baseball game, and a foul ball flew into the seats and landed *!PLOP!* in some guy's 32-oz. beer. It splashed so hard that people got spattered for three rows in every direction. 'Twere hilarious. Even the guy with the bombed-out beer was laughing. He wiped the ball on his shirt and gave it to a little kid, and everybody started clapping.

[Coffee]

3 photos of DUCKS

Makes we wonder about the person that took the photos...wtf???
Like how hard would it have been to prevent that from happening?

Ok...next thought...is it a spoof photo?

[Smartypants]

Originally posted by Coffee
3 photos of DUCKS
Ok...next thought...is it a spoof photo?

That's my guess. Look how the photo's cropped. Chances are the other little one's are still waiting on the other side.

Damn funny, though!

[Avalon]

according to google and reuters:

Ducklings in Trouble, Mother Calls Police
VANCOUVER, British Columbia (Reuters)
When a family of ducklings fell down a Vancouver sewer grate their mother did what any parent would do. She got help from a passing police officer. Vancouver police officer Ray Peterson admitted he was not sure what to make of the duck that grabbed him by the pant leg while he was on foot patrol on Wednesday evening in a neighborhood near the city's downtown. "I though it was a bit goofy, so I shoved it away," Peterson told the Vancouver Sun newspaper. The mother duck persisted, grabbing Peterson's leg again when he tried to leave, and then waddling to a nearby sewer grate where she sat down and waited for him to follow and investigate. "I went up to where the duck was lying and saw eight little babies in the water below," he said. Police said they removed the heavy metal grate with the help of a tow truck and used a vegetable strainer to lift the ducklings to safety. Mother and offspring then departed for a nearby pond.

[Smartypants]

*stifling guffaw*



*can't....................hold.................... ........it.......*




ROFL!!!

[nycwriters]

click (http://www.zefrank.com/bulletin/showthread.php?threadid=5094)

[masterofNone]

so, my son just called. he said "want to hear a funny story?" i said, "sure." "we were going to mom's wedding and devin wanted to get the wrinkles out of a blouse so she throws it into the dryer which has some dry clothes in it still warm. we sit down and watch some tv. after a while the dryer starts to thump thump thump. i say ' devin, did you throw some shoes in the dryer?' she says 'no.' i think it must be that it's gotten out of balance and i go to check. i open it up and my cat falls out."
i started to laugh, "that's not a funny story. that's not funny. that's not a funny story." but of course at this point i'm in tears. "is the cat...?"
"the cat's fine, though she didn't look fine for a while after we got her out. she's been real affectionate for the past day now."

that's not funny. that's not a funny story.

[nycwriters]

Oh ... my .... God.

Dude, that's one of those "oh I shouldn't laugh at this" ... but man, I can just picture kitty being all affectionate ... and while I LOVE animals, oh man ....

[funkytuba]

Now, apparently the story is real. The pic, however, looks a little fishy.
<img src='http://www.zefrank.com/bulletin/attachment.php?s=&postid=166575'>
I've goofed with photoshop a bit, and that under her foot looks an awful lot like smudge tool.

[nycwriters]

Or it could be low shutter speed on the camera ...

[Clytie]

DUN DUN DUN! the plot thickens!

[Audreyvgs]

http://www.audreyheffner.net/duck.jpg

[nycwriters]

Hahahahhahahahaha ... oh man, that's GREAT!!!!!!

[Audreyvgs]

I can't stand stories about duckies without a happy ending....



and besides, i'm procrastinating.


but you knew that.

[Smartypants]

I just love the idea that photographer made the duck go to find a cop!

I was picturing the scenario:

"Oh you poor duck!" says the photographer. "I suggest you go find a policeman. The police can probably get someone to lift the grate."

"Thanks, Mr. Photographer!" replies the duck, tears of gratitude welling in her eyes. "That's such a good idea! But would you mind watching my babies until I return. Plus, I wouldn't mind you sticking around, because nobody's gonna believe this, so I'd like you to stay and corroborate my story when the reporters arrive."

[Avalon]

You've missed your calling SP; you should be writing kids books:p

[weissenflatz]

Here's a first title: The Duck and the Holy Grate

[Hyakujo's Fox]

In further duckling related developments... (http://www.google.com.au/search?as_q=ducklings&num=10&hl=en&ie=UTF-8&btnG=Google+Search&as_epq=&as_oq=sewer+grate+drain&as_eq=&lr=&as_ft=i&as_filetype=&as_qdr=all&as_occt=any&as_dt=i&as_sitesearch=&safe=images)

[Smartypants]

Originally posted by Avalon
You've missed your calling SP; you should be writing kids books:p

Hmmm. Well, apparently I have a future in the news media! :rolleyes:

[Coffee]

So this photographer must have been working on his resume for National Geographic???

Like..."see, see...I can shoot photos of animals walking into the jaws of death without interfering...please pay me take photos of small African animals getting eaten by giant crocodiles".

I just can't get over the heartlessness of the Photographer (if they are actual photos of course and not contrived or photoshopped for the sake of the "actual story")

[Clytie]

wowow all this indepth discussion about the falsifying (sp?) of duck photos! lol

[Smartypants]

Back to the topic of things that made us laugh today, there's this:

I passed the duck photo on to my mom (under the header, "Bad Mother!"), and this is her (I fear to say, typical) response.

Au contraire, mon ami!

Survival of the fittest- she was teaching them to QUESTION EVERYTHING - (some lessons never get to be used, but still....) it's not a good idea to think one's parents always knows what they are doing.

Follow NO ONE blindly.

Hero worship, like induced fear, only leads to bitterness. And in this case- just a thought -_ what she, Mammy Duckie,_ MIGHT have been doing, is trading quantity for quality.

N.

P.S.

In reference to the duck that might be somebody's mother, and by one of those coincidences that are often taken as the hand of god in human affairs, I just read this_ not-so-light-hearted poem, by the not- so-light-hearted- Philip Larkin:

"They f-ck you up, your mum and dad
They may not mean to, but they do.
They fill you with the faults they had
And add some extra, just for you.

But they were f-cked up in their turn
By fools in old-style hats and coats,
Who half the time were soppy-stern
And half at one another's throats

Man hands on misery to man.
It deepens like a coastal shelf.
Get out as early as you can,
And don't have any kids yourself. "

This Be the Verse, by Philip Larkin

[Smartypants]

AND THEN --

Since I had sentthe duck photo to a long list, and Mommy hit the REPLY TO ALL button, this came back from a friend of mine:

This famous poem was the inspiration for one of the most inspired magazine covers I’ve ever encountered, on an issue of Granta magazine http://www.granta.com/back-issues/37?usca_p=t some years ago:

[Klynne]

Originally posted by masterofNone
so, my son just called. he said "want to hear a funny story?" i said, "sure." "we were going to mom's wedding and devin wanted to get the wrinkles out of a blouse so she throws it into the dryer which has some dry clothes in it still warm. we sit down and watch some tv. after a while the dryer starts to thump thump thump. i say ' devin, did you throw some shoes in the dryer?' she says 'no.' i think it must be that it's gotten out of balance and i go to check. i open it up and my cat falls out."
i started to laugh, "that's not a funny story. that's not funny. that's not a funny story." but of course at this point i'm in tears. "is the cat...?"
"the cat's fine, though she didn't look fine for a while after we got her out. she's been real affectionate for the past day now."

that's not funny. that's not a funny story.

I am glad that the cat was rescued. I had a call a couple of years ago from a friend, who is also my supervisor. She was in tears, and could not talk. I was worried something happened to one of her kids. She finally managed to get it out that she had killed her cat. She turned the drier on, and went upstairs. When she went to take her clothes out, she felt Timmons body. I went over armed with rubber gloves, lysol and a garbage bag. I got his body out of the drier and cleaned it out the best I could. Cats love warm places. All of you with cats, double check your drier between loads. It was very sad, I really liked that cat. I know if something happened to one of mine, I would have to have someone else come over and dispose of the body.

[masterofNone]

see? i knew it wasn't a funny story. just not funny.

[Avalon]

I have a photo of my cat sitting in the dryer attached to a huge magnet that says: CHECK FOR CAT! Twinky got a 5 second tumble once and that was more than enought for both of us. I also check the dish washer as more than once I have caught someone in there checking things out.

[Smartypants]

Originally posted by Avalon
I also check the dish washer as more than once I have caught someone in there checking things out.

I have found that my cries of pain when I bang my shins on the open dishwasher door help keep the dishwasher cat free.

Av, do you leave the door to your microwave open, too?

:p

[Avalon]

No I do not SP!!:p

They jump in as I am loading or unloading the darn thing. I love my cats, but if there is such a thing as seconds or irregulars in the animal world..I have them, trust me:rolleyes:

[Avalon]

I have some serious family business this weekend, I took half a day off today. I have been helping my mom with the arduous task of making out thank you cards.
As I stated an eon ago, they have been redoing my entire road. today, a nice man came to the door and asked if we still wanted our old mail box. This is how it went:

Man: Are you sure you don't want it?
Me: yes, I am sure; just take it away.
Man: I can wait while you make sure.
Me: I am sure, you can just have it.
Man: do you want to ask your husband?
Me: What? No, we already had this talk. Take the mailbox, please.
Man: only if you are sure.
Me: YES, I am sure!! Take it now!

My mother is watching all of this from the kitchen. She waits til he is gone and says: He was looking at your black eye. DUH! I forget about it til I look in the mirror. Poor guy; probably thinks I am going to get the snot beat out of me because of the mail box now :eek: Where is my brother when I need him??;)

[lapietra]

Originally posted by dinzdale
WHOo-oOOOoooOOOHHhhOOOo---WHoooo
-----OOOOOoooohhhHHH...

OW
...
OW
;;;;;;;
<<<<<<
...OW


*THUD*


Sorry Frank :(

[Klynne]

Originally posted by Avalon
I have some serious family business this weekend, I took half a day off today. I have been helping my mom with the arduous task of making out thank you cards.
As I stated an eon ago, they have been redoing my entire road. today, a nice man came to the door and asked if we still wanted our old mail box. This is how it went:

Man: Are you sure you don't want it?
Me: yes, I am sure; just take it away.
Man: I can wait while you make sure.
Me: I am sure, you can just have it.
Man: do you want to ask your husband?
Me: What? No, we already had this talk. Take the mailbox, please.
Man: only if you are sure.
Me: YES, I am sure!! Take it now!

My mother is watching all of this from the kitchen. She waits til he is gone and says: He was looking at your black eye. DUH! I forget about it til I look in the mirror. Poor guy; probably thinks I am going to get the snot beat out of me because of the mail box now :eek: Where is my brother when I need him??;)

Thanks for making me giggle!

[Spicy Jack]

Strawberry Kiwi Water.

[bealeblues]

even better: handing out strawberry kiwi water sealed for the protection of construction workers....

[lapietra]

Was this before or after the, you know, pool?

[Spicy Jack]

HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!

AFTER!

HAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAA!!!!

[funkytuba]

*ignores the obvious unexplained Vegas in-joke reference*

*bursts into tears*

[lapietra]

Originally posted by funkytuba
*ignores the obvious unexplained Vegas in-joke reference*

*bursts into tears*


Awww! Don't feel bad... I wasn't *really* there for that part... slept while the superhuman partiers did their superhuman partying thang... ;)

[funkytuba]

*continues sobbing until he gets an explanation*

[Smartypants]

*grabs box of Kleenex*

*joins funky for a caterwauling duet*

[nycwriters]

I love subtle.

Or blatant.

Your pick.

[Aphrodite]

Originally posted by Audreyvgs in another thread
...AND WHATS WITH THE FREAKIN SINUS PILLS...!!!!!! All those little blister packages, with break off plastic corners, and foil you never know whether to bend off a corner,peel it off the corner, or just poke it thru the foil, but no matter what you do, a little corner of that sharp plastic is going to go under your fingernail.!!!!!!!

Thanks for the chuckle.

[Clytie]

http://armstrong.scu.edu/students/fall02/SSur/praklet/index_files/scan0003.jpg

I have no idea who these people are...but i stumbled across their pic early this mornin and maybe its cuZ i havent had alot of sleep or yea thats it... *bleary eyed*

[chuckie egg]

HAHAH!

[nycwriters]

http://www.imagestation.com/picture/sraid122/pf6c891bd64ce699a99a94e1899592694/f837881b.jpg

[madasacutsnake]

http://images.andale.com/f2/116/113/7110171/1088140695686_ommypress.jpg

[Audreyvgs]

Makin a Sailcat?

Beale, that's a southern thing, maybe just confined to the fl/ga area, do you know what that is?

[bealeblues]

that must be something confined to ga/fl-- and being from TN, i try to scrub off everything even remotely related to ga/fl.... JOJ

[Audreyvgs]

Well, historically, sailcats were the first frisbees. Something to do with the hot Georgia sun and roadkill. There's also sailtoads.




:eek:
:rolleyes:

[bealeblues]

in TN, we dont call those frisbees. we call that meat in the freezer.....

[sparticle]

speaking of cats and clothing care -- hahahaha!

[ally]

aww bless!!

[Spicy Jack]

finding my light-up pen in my purse with the rainbow necklace thingy. too damn funny. that is one sexy pen.

[trisherina]

You gotta wonder how the cat got the idea to crawl in there...

[daverbee]

Originally posted by sparticle
speaking of cats and clothing care -- hahahaha!

:D:D:D:D:D
Now that made me laugh! Thanks!!

[sparticle]

Originally posted by trisherina
You gotta wonder how the cat got the idea to crawl in there...

You know how they are -- they find spaces where they can't be got at and bothered, usually up high. I bet the poor owner has to use a clothes brush every morning before work unless the closet's shut. And if the closet's shut, the cat probably howls for them to open it so he can get in, or sneaks in every time it's open and howls to get out. LOL

[madasacutsnake]

http://images.andale.com/f2/116/113/7110171/1089127778379_ommydish.jpg

[red]

madasacutsnakes ebay rant was pretty funny.

ebay sucks ass

[Avalon]

Originally posted by madasacutsnake
http://images.andale.com/f2/116/113/7110171/1089127778379_ommydish.jpg

SMARTYPANTS..ARE YOU SEEING THIS????:p
Thank you Snake..my cats do this to me all the time.

[Smartypants]

I did indeed see that, Av. I immediately checked to see who posted it and was SHOCKED! SHOCKED! to see that it wasn't you.

Have you and Snake discussed breeding? Snake could sell them on eBay! What shall you call the new breed? How about the Domestic Cascade Shorthair?... or... Felinus Kitchenaidicus?... or a Lady Kenmore Tabby?

Excuse me now while I go and check what that thumping noise is that's coming from the kitchen...

[madasacutsnake]

Snake could sell them on eBay!

Yeah. And if you can't read terms, I will send you one that craps in there too.

[Smartypants]

And there it is.

Problem solved.

Feel better?

[madasacutsnake]

Feel better?

Nope. NOW I feel better:


----- Original Message -----

Question from eBay Member:

Dear ,

Hi, I think you should change your title. I have one of these bells at home. They are a matt finnish and has a print on the inside of the dress and in NO WAY STATES that it is Holly Hobbie! If you sell this under the impression of being Holly Hobbie, YOU WILL get a negative from the unsuspecting buyer and unhappy buyer!

Thank you,


----- Original Message -----


Dear Way Too Much Time on Your Hands,

Thanks for your concern. Can I Paypal you 20 cents to buy a life?

Liz

----- Original Message -----

Its up to you if you want to rip people off....but then again I am not an asshole


----- Original Message -----



Dear Ignorant Very Nasty Foul Mouthed Person with Way Too Much Time on Your Hands,

a) I have been selling on ebay since 1997

b) I was a founding member of both ebay US and ebay Australia. I used to count Pierre (look it up babes) as a mate. I was involved in promoting ebay Australia when it first was formed.

c) my feedback = 1190 vs your feedback 203. We'll let this one speak for itself

Ergo, I obviously have a far deeper understanding of what constitutes internet and trade fraud than you do.

d) the description is very clear. Most people without a borderline IQ will read the and understand the description as well as the title. Now, prepare yourself dear, I have been selling spinels and cut glass using "diamond" in the title for seven years now - without a complaint or problem with buyers comprehending the auction terms. And I never been called a rude word for doing it either.

e) you have been added to my blocked bidder list. Oh yes, I know, you would never have bought something from such a blatantly dishonest person as me (99.3% positive fb rating and 7 year selling history on ebay notwithstanding) but I happen to know that people like you tend to have brains like swiss cheese. A year or so later, you will attempt to bid on an item then send me a whiney email asking why you are blocked. You see, people like you find it fun to attack other users then wander off back into your very average little daze filled lives and forget all about it. I know your type well."I am not an *hole"? Your nose just grew.

Feel free to respond with another profanity. I realise that you must find it difficult to speak or write without including same. However, I have spelled my response out pretty clearly above (perhaps you could get your TAFE lecturer to explain the big words) and unlike you, don't have much time to waste so I have been compelled to add you to my blocked senders list too.


Liz

[Clytie]

*gnaws on a teething ring*

tooo funny! ebay sux...

[madasacutsnake]

Should be named:

Pensioner Builds Plane in Garage. Can't Get it out the Door.



Pensioner builds plane in garage

From correspondents in Bratislava
June 25, 2004

A SLOVAK pensioner has spent three years building his own plane in his garage, using only a model plane as guide, local agencies reported today.

Milan Friso, 67, is now planning to take his friends on holiday in Croatia, the Czech news wire CTK said.

"Owning my own plane has been my lifelong dream so I decided to build it in my garage, copying a model of the US Fox plane," said Mr Friso, a former pilot instructor from Nitra in western Slovakia.

Friso said it cost him about 750,000 koruna ($32,000) to build the ultralight aircraft, which weighs 280km.

He said he expected the flight to Croatia to take about three hours at a speed of 145km per hour.



Pensioner builds plane in garage Pensioner builds plane in garage

[Clytie]

http://www.thedoormagazine.com/images/stranger005.jpg

[Avalon]

http://www.strangecosmos.com/images/content/100919.jpg

[nycwriters]

http://www.imagestation.com/picture/sraid125/pb3cc7dcb7f8882d8d0f1b4780755b1dd/f7fa6f63.jpg

This kitty was raised by pigs, so no she's not eating them, but playing with them. She thinks she's a pig. :)

[priceyfatprude]

Awwwwwww!

[nycwriters]

click (http://www.bettybowers.com/isbushgay.html)

[masterofNone]

http://www.rantage.net/gallery//image_dump/05_05_04blipp_28.jpg

[sparticle]

We have been trying to keep the cats, particularly big old Gus, out of the bedrooms at night. Gussy's favorite thing to do by day is take "dust baths" in the driveway dirt.

Tonight I went up to give Mr. Sparticle a hug and a kiss goodnight (I'm a night owl and he's not) and, when I said "Goodnight!", Gus stuck his head out from his hiding place under a blanket on the chair.

Busted! haha

He looked like Roy Batty sticking his head through the wall in "Blade Runner". LOL
"Time....to get thrown out of the bedroom. *weary sigh*"

[Audreyvgs]

I found Pike the Cat, face down in a pile of my CLEAN LAUNDRY FOLDED NEATLY ON MY BED. Face down!!! MY BLACK COTTON SHORTS!!!! It never did wake up, til we shook the bed. Can a white cat with black tail and nose be deaf? I swear to god this thing never spooks till the dogs run over her.

[rmr]

it's sad because I laughed a lot today......i just can't remember why.

that's funny right?

[topcat]

i work in a train station. every other thursday a 92 year old doctor, who still is in practice comes in. he gets his ticket from me and then asks if he can do anything for me,he
then sits down. i usually leave my office and go sit with him for a few minutes. so i go sit with him and i say you can do something for me and i pat my stomach and say i do i lose this. he says loudly stop eating so fvcking much.

[rmr]

Originally posted by topcat
i work in a train station. every other thursday a 92 year old doctor, who still is in practice comes in. he gets his ticket from me and then asks if he can do anything for me,he
then sits down. i usually leave my office and go sit with him for a few minutes. so i go sit with him and i say you can do something for me and i pat my stomach and say i do i lose this. he says loudly stop eating so fvcking much.

your post

[AllegroNg]

"oooooh! Little zhoozhoobooboocuteyfoofoo!!"


By the loverly WS

[rmr]

YOU MY BOY BLUE!!

[Frieda]

a sign on a store window:


"dear bikers and burglars,

please do not place bicycles or bricks onto our "unbreakable" store window.

thank you,

the management"

[sparticle]

Today at the hardware store, there was a huge, LOUD lady wearing pink plastic curlers under a bright print scarf, and she was bossing around a little tiny meek husband who looked afraid she might bite him.

It isn't nice to laugh; for all I know she's a nicer person than I'll ever be, but OMG! PINK plastic curlers, and I mean these were <font color=fuchsia><h1>pink!<font></h1>

[priceyfatprude]

Originally posted by sparticle
Today at the hardware store, there was a huge, LOUD lady wearing pink plastic curlers under a bright print scarf, and she was bossing around a little tiny meek husband who looked afraid she might bite him.

I think I just found my Halloween costume for this year.

Pink curlers, ugly ass scarf, big pillow in the back of my pants, maybe even a face mask?

[trisherina]

Rat family went to Spiderman 2 tonight. Otto Octavia gives Peter Parker advice: "If you want to make a woman fall in love with you, feed her poetry." Rat Man leans in close and whispers in my ear:
"There once was a man from Nantucket..."

[nycwriters]

It has to be photoshopped but ...

http://www.imagestation.com/picture/sraid128/p00b17b2c7c17693836b2de926aeb245d/f7e19869.jpg

[Clytie]

a patient insisted that he ordered chocolate pudding and never got it-- only you know he did because you delivered it. everytime he denies recieving it...come to find out...hes skitzo. and the only thing his personalities have in common is chocolate pudding!

[Coffee]

I got an unsolicited fax from a company offering home loan or credit refinancing...it is against the law to send unsolicited faxes. I grit my teath and hope they go away.
I get a second fax from the company 2 days later (today)...this time they called at 6 AM (it is also illegal to telemarket before 8 am reciepients time...although oddly enough their fax lists the call time as 2 days earlier at 1:29 pm...they have their machine set to cover there ass on that score apparently). This time I call the number and get ahold of the "I'm just a dumb receptionist, I can't help you (...also illegal) who forwards me to the "compliance department". The dude there tells me.. "sir, the telemarketing laws don't go into effect till 2005" I argue with him for about 10 seconds, then go online to get "chapter and verse" to quote to him...when I call back an answering machine says that their office is closed. Farkers...but it made me laugh.

So I'm poor enough that I'm thinking of taking them to small claims court for 500 dollars per fax for being such asswipes...that would really make me laugh.

[sparticle]

Do it! Do it!

[sparticle]

Originally posted by trisherina
Rat family went to Spiderman 2 tonight. Otto Octavia gives Peter Parker advice: "If you want to make a woman fall in love with you, feed her poetry." Rat Man leans in close and whispers in my ear:
"There once was a man from Nantucket..."

OMG! LOLOLOLOLOL!!!!!!!!

[sparticle]

Originally posted by priceyfatprude
I think I just found my Halloween costume for this year.

Pink curlers, ugly ass scarf, big pillow in the back of my pants, maybe even a face mask?

Don't forget the white ankle socks with big black shoes that look like they were overstock from a Russian department store ca. 1973. Do not shave your legs for at least a month prior to the big night. And you need a floral print cotton housedress with enameled metal snaps. Add a pair of catseye glasses in blue pearl frames with rhinestones and you are the SHIZZLE!

[Aphrodite]

Originally posted by sparticle
Don't forget the white ankle socks with big black shoes that look like they were overstock from a Russian department store ca. 1973. Do not shave your legs for at least a month prior to the big night. And you need a floral print cotton housedress with enameled metal snaps. Add a pair of catseye glasses in blue pearl frames with rhinestones and you are the SHIZZLE!

Hey, That's my goin' intu town good close. Yu can't wear that! Then whut'll I wear? Huh?

[sparticle]

Originally posted by Aphrodite
Hey, That's my goin' intu town good close. Yu can't wear that! Then whut'll I wear? Huh?

You could borrow my gotchies, but I'm washin' em! Once a year oughta be enough, don'tcha think? Goddamn! Who'd believe it's July again already?

[lapietra]

http://www.funny-photo-photos.com/pictures/the_fat_cat.jpg

[lapietra]

http://www.foxnews.com/images/98264/0_21_fat_cat_200.jpg

[nycwriters]

:eek:

[madasacutsnake]

I AM THE MIGHTY SOCK SLAYER. I SHALL NOT BE MOCKED.

<img src=http://images.andale.com/f2/116/113/7110171/1088741964572_ommysock.jpg>

I was too slow getting the camera so this you are just going to have to take my word for:


<img src=http://images.andale.com/f2/116/113/7110171/1091666690828_ommyfire.jpg>

[chocodile]

Someone I know is enamored, dare I say, twitterpated?

[chocodile]

Originally posted by lapietra
http://www.foxnews.com/images/98264/0_21_fat_cat_200.jpg Don't take this the wrong way, but you've got the biggest ***** I've ever seen.

[Magpie]

Originally posted by lapietra
http://www.foxnews.com/images/98264/0_21_fat_cat_200.jpg
OMG Look at his TOES! They are hysterical! :D

[Audreyvgs]

I got mad when I found Pike sleeping face down in my clean laundry basket on my black clothes, this one would probably leave a half pound of hair!

[Smartypants]

The Association of Southern Schools is pursuing taxpayer dollars through Washington by designating Southern slang, or "y'allbonics," as language to be taught in all Southern schools. The following are excerpts from the Y'allbonics English dictionary:


HEIDI - (noun) - Greeting

HIRE YEW - Complete sentence. Remainder of greeting. Usage: "Heidi, Hire yew?"

BARD - (verb) - Past tense of the infinitive "to borrow." Usage: "My brother bard my pickup truck."

JAWJUH - (noun) - The state north of Florida. Capitol is Lanner. Usage: "My brother from Jawjuh bard my pickup truck."

BAMMER - (noun) - The state west of Jawjuh. Capitol is Berminhayum. Usage: "A tornader jes went through Bammer an' left $20,000,000 in improvements."

MUNTS - (noun) - A calendar division. Usage: "My brother from Jawjuh bard my pickup truck, and I ain't heard from him in munts."

THANK - (verb) - Cognitive process. Usage: "Ah thank ah'll have a bare."

BARE - (noun) - An alcoholic beverage made of barley, hops, and yeast. Usage: "Ah thank ah'll have a bare."

IGNERT - (adjective) - Not smart. See "Arkansas native." Usage: "Them bammer boys sure are ignert!"

RANCH - (noun) - A tool used for tight'nin' bolts.
Usage: "I thank I left my ranch in the back of that pickup truck my brother from Jawjuh bard a few munts ago." _

ALL - (noun) - A petroleum-based lubricant. Usage: "I sure hope my brother from Jawjuh puts all in my pickup truck."

FAR - (noun) - A conflagration. Usage: "If my brother from Jawjuh don't change the all in my pickup truck, that thing's gonna catch far."

TAR - (noun) - A rubber wheel. Usage: "Gee, I hope that brother of mine from Jawjuh don't git a flat tar in my pickup truck."

TIRE - (noun) - A tall monument. Usage: "Lord willin' and the creek don't rise, I sure do hope to see that Eiffel Tire in Paris sometime."

RETARD - (verb) - To stop working. Usage: "My grampaw retard at age 65."



FAT - (noun), (verb) - a battle or combat; to engage in battle or combat. Usage: "You younguns keep fat'n, n' ah'm gonna whup y'uh."

RATS - (noun) - Entitled power or privilege. Usage: "We Southerners are willin' to fat for are rats."

CHEER - (adverb) In this place. Usage: Just set that bare rat cheer.

FARN - (adjective) - Not domestic. Usage: "I cuddint unnerstand a wurd he sed... must be from some farn country."

DID - (adjective) - Not alive. Usage: "He's did, Jim."

ARE - (noun) - A colorless, odorless gas Oxygen. Usage: "He cain't breathe...give 'im some ARE!"


BOB WAR - (noun) - A sharp, twisted cable. Usage: "Boy, stay away from that bob war fence."


JEW HERE - (noun) and (verb) contraction. Usage: "Jew here that my brother from Jawjuh got a job with that bob war fence cump'ny?" _

HAZE - a contraction. Usage: "Is Bubba smart?" "Nah...haze ignert. He ain't thanked but a minnit'n haze laf."

SEED - (verb) - past tense of "to see".

VIEW - contraction (verb) and pronoun. Usage: ain't never seed New York City... view?"

GUBMINT - (noun) - A bureaucratic institution. Usage: "Them gubmint boys shore is ignert

[Audreyvgs]

Y'all makin fun-o-me?

O. I forgot. I'm from Chicago. You must be makin fun of Beale.

[Magpie]

http://www.angrypoodle.net/images/images7/devil2.jpg heh :D

[Willow Sylph]

After work yesterday I was venting to one of my friends about a
thorn-in-my-side co-worker. She came to my house a couple hours later with a handmade voodoo doll of my co-worker. I got a good laugh outta that :D

[priceyfatprude]

Originally posted by rmr
you say tomato and i say dirty sanchez :) LOL

[Avalon]

a friend just called me; the school just called her.

Seems her 6 year old's class was having show and tell today. Her daughter chose to take a stuffed animal that her Aunt, my friend's sister, had given to her. When her teacher asked her who had given her such a fine gift, the 6 year old answered:
My Aunt Penis gave it to me! I guess the teacher asked her to please repeat the name and it was still her Aunt Penis. So, the teacher called my friend for clarification. Her sister, the aunt in question, is nick named Peanut.
Wish I coulda been there for the look on the teacher's face!!:p

[sparticle]

I was walking on the park trail today, and a woman's voice behind me said, "Passing to your left...on bikes...there's another behind me....he's slower because he's OLDER!"

A second or two later, after she had passed, came her very red-faced, visibly annoyed husband/partner. LOL

[sparticle]

Originally posted by Magpie
http://www.angrypoodle.net/images/images7/devil2.jpg heh :D

Hey! No fair! I had dental work done since then! :D :D :D

[fodder]

http://www.toothpastefordinner.com/030603/you-are-not-henry-rollins.gif

[sparticle]

http://us.news2.yimg.com/us.yimg.com/p/afp/20040715/capt.sge.nls59.150704194947.photo00.default-366x288.jpg

[fodder]

http://www.newyorkish.com/newyorkish/images/airtoons.jpg

more like nod approvingly

[nycwriters]

This made me laugh initially, then it made me go "crap"....


http://www.norncposters.org/posters/richiebushColor.jpg

[nycwriters]

sorry... that's huge! I have no means to resize it right at this moment. guh.

[Smartypants]

Oh man, Peg, that site has some great posters (http://www.norncposters.org/gallery.htm).

I really like the "This is not a pipe" version.

Thanks!

Interesting organization. Let us know if you see their handiwork around town...

[nycwriters]

Uh, I don't know if they'll be out come the end of August. Their spiel was about preventing it from coming here in the first place.

[Smartypants]

Well, um, I think they may be a tad disappointed!

Is that so? I got the impression that they just wanted to plaster the city to make the RNC feel less than welcome.

(I know, I know. Wrong thread for this digression! Sorry, all. NYC just piqued my interest! ;) )

[smellyrayzin]

eric idle (from monty python) made a song that i found funny yet disturbingly correct...
lyrics and sound clip here:
f*ck you all so very much (http://onegoodmove.org/1gm/1gmarchive/001318.html)
:)

[Audreyvgs]

http://www.audreyheffner.net/richieW.jpg

[Clytie]

my friend was in a astronomy class and the teacher mentioned the world
being round and a lady (in her 40s) raised her hand and said "but thats
still a theory right?" to the complete SHOCK OF THE CLASS!!! it remained
her hang up for the rest of the class. she kept saying "wow this is a
new developement" " i cant believe its not a theory anymore"

[Spicy Jack]

ha...funny...we all know it is flat.

http://www.flat-earth.org/

[Clytie]

apparently this was a shock to her...im sure she called her neighbors when she got home...

[Audreyvgs]

me trying to figure out how to forward my emails to my server(s) so I can get my email while I'm on the road, like i know where that's goanna be. I think I finally got it, but not after ranting on the YIM to my sis, who doesnt know anything about stuff like that.

[nycwriters]

I just bumped into my neighbor down the hall. When I first met her I was a little abrupt with her because I had been fighting with D over some booze thing or another. So I apologized and explained that I just lost 150lbs of dead weight and I was sorry if she thought me rude. Well it turns out she just dumped her bf too. She's hysterical, she gave me this hug that nearly took the breath out of me. We may go for drinks.

[fodder]

are braids stewpit

[Clytie]

Originally posted by nycwriters
I just bumped into my neighbor down the hall. When I first met her I was a little abrupt with her because I had been fighting with D over some booze thing or another. So I apologized and explained that I just lost 150lbs of dead weight and I was sorry if she thought me rude. Well it turns out she just dumped her bf too. She's hysterical, she gave me this hug that nearly took the breath out of me. We may go for drinks.

wonderful NYC!

[Coffee]

http://www.littlewhitedog.com/images/reviews/other/00025/dr_strangelove_big.jpg

[Klynne]

Originally posted by Coffee
http://www.littlewhitedog.com/images/reviews/other/00025/dr_strangelove_big.jpg

HAHAHAHA

[Audreyvgs]

Good JUJU, nyc!


Stevie from Maine was over for Dinner tonite, he cooked and brought everything too! YAY anyway, after dinner we were talkin, and he was really impressed with some of the custom golf carts there are....He'd really like to do one, so he goes to a golf cart dealer. The dealer says , you're not going to believe this, but there are 63 golf courses in Naples, and only 1 of them allows custom golf carts. Every other golf course in town requires you buy a certain color, or you're not allowed on the course. (the one that allows em is considered to be the town armpit)

Naples, Home of the Condo Commando.

[Audreyvgs]

Originally posted by dinzdale

"Son, I raised you better'n to eat fvckin' bait"




:p

[Klynne]

http://www.savannahsays.com/ltrweek.htm

[Clytie]

http://www.dribbleglass.com/images/billboards/canada.jpg

soory NYC

[Smartypants]

LOL! Well at least it's truthful advertising!

Hahaha

[Clytie]

http://www.oliveandbettes.com/Merchant2/graphics/00000001/TM-martha2-lg.jpg

[rmr]

someone just told me that they have the ass of 6 men.............:p

[nycwriters]

Oh my GOD this made me laugh so hard! (http://atomfilms.shockwave.com/contentPlay/shockwave.jsp?id=this_land&preplay=1&ratingBar=off)

[funkytuba]

Funny... esp when you think about the original (http://s.download.theforce.net/theater/troops/troops.mov )

[trisherina]

Originally posted by Hyakujo's Fox
And who would've thought J. Jonah Jameson would turn out to be Spiderman's father!

[Frieda]

"hello, this is XXXX XXXXXXXX.. i am calling to tell you that my laptop is broken. i was carrying it in my hand and then the wires got caught on the doorknob, and i was pulled back all of a sudden and i fell through the door. now there's a hole in my office door and my head, and my laptop screen is broken. it's an ibm 390x, number 01083."

[red]

hahahhahahahahahaa!!

that was funny.

Before that made me laugh, the idea that beale would EVER go cold turkey on anything made me laugh.

[Magpie]

http://www.angrypoodle.net/images/images9/beta.jpg

"The most exciting thing to happen to TV watchers since
COLOR " (1978 Sears catalog)

[Spicy Jack]

I only like to stay at fancy hotels that specifically offer C O L O R TV . Makes me feel special.

Maybe some HBO if I wanna spend the big bucks.

[Magpie]

Originally posted by Spicy Jack
C O L O R TV
That took awhile didn't it? hehee ;)

[Spicy Jack]

all i have is time :(

[chuckie egg]

you left out the U

[Clytie]

http://www.mikeknobl.com/files/GG_MODEL_SHEET.jpg

[Spicy Jack]

Originally posted by chuckie egg
you left out the U

I'd never leave U out Chuckie! :p

[bealeblues]

freaking superfluous U's.... you british need to stop trying to ruin our language

[red]

ze's request made me laugh so hard coworkers wanted to know what was up.

[madasacutsnake]

How to spot a rich guy:

<img src=http://images.andale.com/f2/116/113/7110171/1092757928662_How_to_spot_a_rich_guy.jpg>

I say it is not always about the money:

Not suitable for work. (http://images.andale.com/f2/116/113/7110171/1093005722808_How_to_spot_a_rich_guy2.jpg)

[Coffee]

While on a search for something unrelated, I found an un-indexed pic folder full of wonderful, and not so wonderful political images.

A few:

http://home.pacbell.net/ggraphix//Pictures/political/crusading.jpg

http://home.pacbell.net/ggraphix//Pictures/political/current.gif

http://home.pacbell.net/ggraphix//Pictures/political/propaganda_eternalwar.jpg

uhh...one more: Cuz I don't know the 4 equivalant of "few".

http://home.pacbell.net/ggraphix//Pictures/political/propaganda_foxnews.jpg

[masterofNone]

a friend of mine called me on her cell from a kerry rally and let me listen to kerry's whole speech!

[rmr]

simpsons


snowball vs. santa's little helper

[nycwriters]

http://www.imagestation.com/picture/sraid135/pfe513810c0231c22fad65e4c1f50710b/f776a002.jpg

I forgot about this photo. :)

[priceyfatprude]

LOL. I have that one saved. Look how happy Milosajlkdsjlidongcnvic looks.

[nycwriters]

It's HIS Oscar don'tchyaknow? ;)

[priceyfatprude]

*gigglesnorts*

[madasacutsnake]

will sir have the fish or the pilot? (http://www.news.com.au/common/story_page/0,4057,10414890%255E13762,00.html)

[trisherina]

My hair is falling out. BIG TIME! If I have any left by this afternoon, I'll be amazed. I was looking in the mirror, casually gave my forelock a tug and it came OUT! So I had to demonstrate to T. Gave a tug, a LARGER HUNK came out. She went "Aw, Mommy". She's very sympathetic. Of course I had to show G, so without preamble I went up to him and said "Look!", tugged at another spot and a HUGE hank came out. He yelled "Holy shit! Don't DO that to me!" I thought he was gonna have a heart attack. It was kinda funny.

[red]

g.w. bush trying to grasp the word sovereign.

[Magpie]

My 8 yr old said, "Mom can a person be related to an animal? Cause I can spread my toes really far apart."

14yr son, "Well sure, our dad's an ASS isn't he?" :D