Post something that made you laugh today.

[Spicy Jack]

http://images.quizilla.com/D/dropsovrain/1040886857_suicidalbear.jpg

[trisherina]

Originally posted by madasacutsnake
What's with the aus lit lately?

Gotta make my glasses and dresser scarf feel at home.

[dinzdale]

Paddy the famous Irishman borrows his mates car to drive home after downing a few at the local pub.

He turns a corner and much to his horror he sees a tree in the middle of the road.

He swerves to avoid it and almost too late realizes that there is yet another tree directly in his path.

He swerves again and discovers that his drive home has turned into a slalom course, causing him to veer from side to side to avoid all the trees.

Moments later he hears the sound of a police siren and brings his car to a stop.

The officer approaches Paddy's car and asks him what on earth he was doing.

Paddy tells his story of the trees in the road when the officer stops him mid sentence and says..........

Fer Feck's sake, Paddy, that's yer air freshener!"

[Willow Sylph]

This made me crack up! Thanks Ava!. I really needed a good laugh today. :D



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Originally posted by masterofNone
grow a sense of humor, dick.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Originally posted by masterofNone
dumbass.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

quote: Avalon

Ya know, I was going to suggest Paxil or some other mood altering drug; I thought you might even grow weary of being the crabby old bastard of the board. Guess not.
I think this may be what is in order. No need to bend over.
This sweet enough for you?


http://img70.exs.cx/img70/5404/preparationH1.jpg

[Spicy Jack]

Originally posted by Smartypants
But I was thinking something a bit skimpier and show-offy, like this.

(Althought I realize unless I disrobe completely and get excited so my tattooed name can be seen in its entire length, your version is a more tasteful way of letting people know my name without speaking it.)

http://www.pacedesign.com/miscpix-n-stuff/smartaquin4.jpg

First shock, then laughter that could scare the co-workers! OMG! I love the detail of the "happy-trail" and "package". WOW!

[red]

Spicy Jack's staircase

[Spicy Jack]

SMARTYPANTS!

[madasacutsnake]

^^

What they said and:

Originally posted by Coffee
http://phreeque.tripod.com/chang_and_eng.jpg

**** you.
fvck you.

I HAT you.
Leave me alone.

Go away.
fvck you...you go away.

Stop touching me.
fvck you...that's your hand.

Ya...well, you made it move.
Grow up.

[Avalon]

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
This is what it would be like if moN were siamese twins:p

[madasacutsnake]

Originally posted by Hyakujo's Fox
Is not rat, is Filigree Siberian hamster.

-- Manuel

[Hyakujo's Fox]

One evening a woman meets a handsome man in a bar. They get to talking, and one thing leading to another, they end up leaving together. They get back to his place, and he shows her around his apartment. When she goes into the bedroom she finds it completely packed with hundreds of sweet cuddly teddy bears. Dozens of cute small bears on a shelf all the way along the floor, then more cuddly medium-sized ones on a shelf a little higher, and huge enormous fluffy bears on the top shelf along the wall.

The woman is kind of surprised that a guy would have such a huge collection of teddy bears, and not think anything of letting a woman see it, but she decides not to say anyting to him since she is actually quite impressed by a guy with such a sensitive side to himself.

So eventually they kiss, then undress and spend the night making love. After an intense night of passion with this sensitive guy, lying there together in the afterglow, she rolls over and says to the guy, smiling, "Well, how was it?"

And the guy says...

"Help yourself to any prize from the bottom shelf."

[zenbabe]

Lately, at the grocery store..there have been bands of people that the cops look out for...they come up to you and ask for some change...then when you reach to get some from your purse..they snatch it...jerks...

Anywho...I see the same ones outside all the time...and I know they see me....*does fokers fork eyes*

So one of them follows me to my car, is walking behind me and catches up and says "can I ask you a silly question?" I looked at him and said "you just did" and kept walking...he stopped in his tracks for a second...then turned around and walked back to the front of the store...I don't think he knew what to say....or even got it for a second or two...

I guess you had to be there.....but I am going to say that from now on anytime somebody asks me that...............

:D

[trisherina]

Originally posted by sparticle
... the people who need the lessons would never believe that they are the people who need the lessons.

[Klynne]

Originally posted by dinzdale
Paddy the famous Irishman borrows his mates car to drive home after downing a few at the local pub.

He turns a corner and much to his horror he sees a tree in the middle of the road.

He swerves to avoid it and almost too late realizes that there is yet another tree directly in his path.

He swerves again and discovers that his drive home has turned into a slalom course, causing him to veer from side to side to avoid all the trees.

Moments later he hears the sound of a police siren and brings his car to a stop.

The officer approaches Paddy's car and asks him what on earth he was doing.

Paddy tells his story of the trees in the road when the officer stops him mid sentence and says..........

Fer Feck's sake, Paddy, that's yer air freshener!"

HAHAHA. I liked this one!

[Magpie]

Zen: "I wish I was getting some sweet, hot lovin'"

Topcat: "i wish i was in san diego givin zen what she needs"

:D

[bealeblues]

the look on everyone's face when i burst out of my office singing "i will never be untrue" by the doors at 8:30 this morning....

i dont speak in the morning, much less sing.... (and yes, i know i can't sing, so shut up dinz)

[AllegroNg]

The email that my sister sent her husband this morn:

Subject: lint in the loofa
>
> Matt,
> There was ball lent on the loofa this morning. I know your new undies
> give you excessive lent, but can you please wash your balls with your
> hands instead of the loofa. I spent a lot of time that I really didn't

> have trying to get it out this AM. Or if you do use the loofa pick the

> lent out of it before you get out of the shower. If you need different

> underwear let me know and I will pick some up for you....
> Love you!
>

[sparticle]

Originally posted by AllegroNg
The email that my sister sent her husband this morn:

Subject: lint in the loofa
>
> Matt,
> There was ball lent on the loofa this morning. I know your new undies
> give you excessive lent, but can you please wash your balls with your
> hands instead of the loofa. I spent a lot of time that I really didn't

> have trying to get it out this AM. Or if you do use the loofa pick the

> lent out of it before you get out of the shower. If you need different

> underwear let me know and I will pick some up for you....
> Love you!
>

Oh no she didn't! HAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!

[sparticle]

Originally posted by trisherina
I have stuck people with some doozies... one year, I got rid of a beauty that would henceforth always be known as "the humping ducks." It was a weird ceramic plaque featuring one duck behind the other in an undeniably suggestive pose, with the word "WELCOME" arched over them. Another year I wound up with Jalalabad chicken, a hideous creature who makes a fine garden decoration for scaring the unwary. I found out who the perpetrator of the Jalalabad chicken fiasco was, and made sure she got my next little treasure: a "resin" plaque reading "Jesus is the reason for the season." Not surprisingly, all the Islamic and Sikh women who make up a large part of our program's staff kept giving it away. Ah, the dorsal striatum.

HAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAA!!!!

[Clytie]

A drunk priest who was arrested after committing four
offences within an hour in Croatia claims his drink was
spiked. Father Josip Stefancic, 35, from Slunj, who
was celebrating St Martin's Day, allegedly hit a fellow
drinker in a restaurant and brandished a rifle in front
of terrified diners. After leaving the restaurant, he
allegedly caused a car crash and then insulted police
officers when he refused to take a breath test. But
the priest now claims that someone must have spiked
his drink as he dined with friends, local daily Vecernji
List reported. He said: "Someone must have put
something in my drink. I only had a few glasses of
wine and I doubt I could get that drunk from that
amount of alcoho

[Audreyvgs]

My sister this am:


"Jesus Christ, There's chickens on my stairs!!! They don't have any respect!!!!"

[sparticle]

OMG, Aud! HAHAHAHAAAAAAAA!!!

If I see any respectful chickens, I shall be sure to send you pictures.

[madasacutsnake]

[QUOTE]Originally posted by Audreyvgs
[B]Dear so and so.

It's been a month now since I ordered from you, is there a problem?

audrey


Dear Audrey

I cant believe that you did not recieve the airmailed package. Please advise.
Jens.



Dear Jens.

I am advising you that i did not recieve the package.

audrey

[trisherina]

Originally posted by lapietra
http://www.its-lala.com/scared.jpg

[lapietra]

hee hee hee hee heeee...

me too :D

[zenbabe]

I was just talking to me mum and she told me a story about how she was teaching her class of 7th graders and farted during mid-lesson. She tried to blow it off like maybe nobody heard it until one of the boys "who never lets things drop' made a comment about it.

So she pinned it on him and the class started laughing and she just went on with the lesson....HHAHAHAHA!

[Frieda]

i laughed today

MUHHAHAHAAAHAAAHAHAHAA


when i was on my hoverboat racing through the canals avoiding bombs dropped by a helicopter.. nice james bond music.. MUHAAAHAHAHAHA!! WOOOO HOOOOOOOOO :D

best 60 euros ever spent :)

[priceyfatprude]

Patients should be advised:

1. to drink fluids liberally and not to take antacids containing magnesium, aluminum or calcium;

2. to discontinue ciproflaxin at the first sign of an allergic reaction;

3. of a possible decrease in mental alertness & coordination.

[trisherina]

Originally posted by 12"razormix
http://www.topgoldenretrieversites.net/picturepostpics/dino0705c.jpg

[agentsmith]

Originally posted by trisherina

[madasacutsnake]

Overheard at the Old Folk's Home.

Television: Scientists are investigating the latest breakthrough in stem cell research which could provide cures for many diseases and even halt the ageing process.....

92 year old lady: There's hope for us all yet then.

[trisherina]

Originally posted by bealeblues
but i bet stuart didn't throw up with motorhead on several occasions....

Originally posted by rmr
^^^ true and on second thought -- how rich is he???

[Gatsby]

"You Make Kitty Scared"

ROTFLMAO. That made my morning. I about spat coffee all over my laptop.

[bealeblues]

originally posted by rimmer:

hello? nobody's there

[Spicy Jack]

regarding the sacrilicious grilled cheese sammie:

Originally posted by Saxifrage
Only Jebus can save us now.
Originally posted by Zenbabe
It would be perfect if they could find him in some tomato soup!

[funkytuba]

Originally posted by madasacutsnake
But, as it turns out, koalas are fiercely territorial, and will shout threats at intruders ("YOU'VE GOT TEN HOURS TO GET THE HELL OUT OF MY TREE, DAMMIT!!!!"). [...] Get out of my tree. Brrrrrrrrrrraaaaaaaaapppppp.
:p

[rmr]

actually it was last night but the talking dog on lettermen CRACKED me up

[red]

listening to npr.
they had excerpts from Seinfeld on.
I watched that show so often I knew what they were saying with the sound off.
It's been quite awhile since I've seen (or heard) an eppie.
hearing them again actually made my day start off right.

[dinzdale]

Originally posted by zero
when you wake up what particular room you happen to be in will mean nothing to you whatsoever, you won't fvcking care about rooms. okay.

[priceyfatprude]

Originally posted by rmr
you say tomato and i say dirty sanchez :) This still makes me laugh.

[Smartypants]

From the "It's a Donkey" Thread, LAUGH-OUT-LOUD-CHOKE-ON-FOOD funny!!:

from the snake:

However, it seemed that the donkey's leg was broken. The vet ordered that the donkey be suspended in a flotation tank to allow the leg to heal. Coincidentally, a week later, the priest also broke his leg. The doctor was so impressed with the way the tank had helped the donkey that he ordered the same treatment.

The headline read:
PRIEST HUNG LIKE DONKEY


...and from funky ...


So the priest and the donkey went home but wanderlust still lurked in the donkey's soul so he hit the road. He wandered up a mountain to the place where the giants live. Now these giants were a gentle sort and their leader knew the donkey needed to be returned so he picked up the donkey, carried it down the mountain with his three-member giant posse and gave it to the priest, who, while not a giant, was rather beefy himself.

Headlines read:
PADRE GETS HIS OWN ASS HANDED TO HIM BY GIANTS - 4-1


The donkey got loose again, and found himself at the Republican Convention. Bush, Cheney, Chambliss, DeLay, Gingrich all were there. When the donkey had the temerity to bring up their service in the armed forces, they started kicking him relentlessly until he fled in haste.

Headlines read:
DODGERS KICK PADRE'S ASS 5-0

[chuckie egg]

Be very proud to be British Because...

Only in Britain... can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.

Only in Britain... do supermarkets make sick people walk all the way to the back of the shop to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.

Only in Britain... do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a DIET coke.

Only in Britain... do banks leave both doors open and chain the pens to the counters.

Only in Britain... do we leave cars worth thousands of pounds on the drive and lock our junk and cheap lawn mower in the garage.

Only in Britain... do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have 'call waiting' so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place.

NOT TO MENTION........

3 Brits die each year testing if a 9v battery works on their tongue.

142 Brits were injured in 1999 by not removing all pins from new shirts.

58 Brits are injured each year by using sharp knives instead of screwdrivers.

31 Brits have died since 1996 by watering their Christmas tree while the fairy lights were plugged in.

9 Brits have died in the last 3 years believing that Christmas decorations were chocolates.

British Hospitals reported 4 broken arms last year after cracker pulling accidents.

101 people since 1999 have had broken parts of plastic toys pulled out of the soles of their feet.

8 Brits had serious burns in 2000 trying on a new jumper with a lit cigarette in their mouth.

A massive 543 Brits were admitted to A&E in the last two years after opening bottles of beer with their teeth.

5 Brits were injured last year in accidents involving out of control Scalextric cars.

And finally.........

In 2000 eight Brits cracked their skull whilst throwing up into the toilet............................

RULE BRITANNIA!!

[Frieda]

i must be living in britain! :eek:

[ally]

OK, I really am brit...

[daverbee]

Originally posted by chuckie egg
Be very proud to be British Because...

Only in Britain... can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.

Only in Britain... do supermarkets make sick people walk all the way to the back of the shop to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.

Only in Britain... do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a DIET coke.

Only in Britain... do banks leave both doors open and chain the pens to the counters.

Only in Britain... do we leave cars worth thousands of pounds on the drive and lock our junk and cheap lawn mower in the garage.

Only in Britain... do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have 'call waiting' so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place.

NOT TO MENTION........

3 Brits die each year testing if a 9v battery works on their tongue.

142 Brits were injured in 1999 by not removing all pins from new shirts.

58 Brits are injured each year by using sharp knives instead of screwdrivers.

31 Brits have died since 1996 by watering their Christmas tree while the fairy lights were plugged in.

9 Brits have died in the last 3 years believing that Christmas decorations were chocolates.

British Hospitals reported 4 broken arms last year after cracker pulling accidents.

101 people since 1999 have had broken parts of plastic toys pulled out of the soles of their feet.

8 Brits had serious burns in 2000 trying on a new jumper with a lit cigarette in their mouth.

A massive 543 Brits were admitted to A&E in the last two years after opening bottles of beer with their teeth.

5 Brits were injured last year in accidents involving out of control Scalextric cars.

And finally.........

In 2000 eight Brits cracked their skull whilst throwing up into the toilet............................

RULE BRITANNIA!! Sounds like a pretty accurate description of life in the Southern United States. Who let y'all join?

[rmr]

someone just asked me if i was over-worked and i said "yes, and crabby".....he then said "that's the nicest way anyone has ever told me to fvck off"

[Smartypants]

Originally posted by chuckie egg
Be very proud to be British Because...

Only in Britain... can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.

Only in Britain... do supermarkets make sick people walk all the way to the back of the shop to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.

Only in Britain... do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a DIET coke.

Only in Britain... do banks leave both doors open and chain the pens to the counters.

Only in Britain... do we leave cars worth thousands of pounds on the drive and lock our junk and cheap lawn mower in the garage.

Only in Britain... do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have 'call waiting' so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place.

Only in Britain ... do they steal self-deprectation lists from the United States... :p

[chuckie egg]

Originally posted by Smartypants
Only in Britain ... do they steal self-deprectation lists from the United States... :p

probably! hehe! :D

[madasacutsnake]

My old Dad is getting forgetful but he stilll likes to play with cars. A couple of months ago he lost his mobile phone. Email today:

I found my lost mobile phone under a Riley wheel.

[zenbabe]

HAHHAHA! (http://images.google.com/images?q=Dick+Cheney+Costume)

[Smartypants]

The entire "It's a Donkey" thread (http://zefrank.com/bulletin/showthread.php?s=&threadid=7026) has made me guffaw loudly for two days running.

Also, this came in my email:

The _Center for Disease Control has issued a warning about a new virulent strain of sexually transmitted disease. This disease is contracted through dangerous and _high risk behavior. The disease is called Gonorrhea _lecthim (pronounced "gonna re-elect him"). Many _victims have contracted it after having been screwed for the past 4 years, and _in spite of having taken measures to _protect themselves from this especially _virulent disease.

Cognitive sequellae of individuals infected with _Gonorrhea _lecthim include, _but are not limited to: Anti-social _personality disorder traits; delusions _of grandeur with a distinct Messianic _flavor; chronic mangling of the English _language; extreme cognitive dissonance; _inability to incorporate new _information; pronounced xenophobia; inability to accept responsibility for actions; _exceptional cowardice masked by acts of _misplaced bravado; ignorance of _geography and history; tendencies toward _creating evangelical theocracies; and a _strong propensity for categorical, _all-or-nothing behavior.

[xfox]

The above makes me laugh.

And, a farmer was selling watermellons one fine summer day at $3 each. A little girl wanted to buy one but only had thirty cents. The farmer looked around and spotted a small one and offered to sell it for her cash. She said "Fine, I'll be back in 3 months to pick it up."

[rmr]

OK, TEnenbaum fans.....
Ive been watching the criterion special edition dvd of tenenbaums twice a day, and ive finally figured something outt......
ROYAL WAS NEVER AXUALLY DYING.
shocking, i know.
your thoughts


yeah seriously dude hate to bust your bubble, but your ridiculously stupid
my three year old sister knows that royal wasnt dying..and shes deaf and blind.
it wasnt a mystery, this is not like vanilla sky or memento..theres nothing to figure out here genius. wow go watch spiderman or something, with a couple hints...you might figure out what spidermans real identity is.....ill give you a clue, its peter...p...


so Royal wasn't dying??? i so confoosed



i seriously cannot stop laughing.........

[Frieda]

jesus rims!! :rolleyes:

[rmr]

^^^ i'm still cracking up about this

btw i didn't write it if that's what you're thinking

i think it was supposed to be a joke and people were getting soooooo mad..........hahahahaha

[chuckie egg]

... the bruise on my arse (ass) from my drunken fall on saturday

[Aphrodite]

The bruise on my ass is from falling out the door at the gas station last night.
I was dressed in my new black pants and cardigan and looked very chic.
The fall must have lasted 30 seconds. I didn't know there was a step so my foot dropped an extra three inches and I stumbled. I caught my other foot on firm cement and went to step forward, only to discover there was a shovel and other snow tools which I caught with my toe. I fell backward with tools clattering all around me and hit a door jamb with my butt. This spun me around and I ended up staggering forward and hit the other side of the door jamb. Very noisy and very undignified. I was laughing hysterically for the first time in days. The owner and my friend came rushing out to find me standing there in front of the door laughing, holding my butt, with shovels and a rake and window cleaner supplies all around me.
I think I'll use a different gas station for a while ;)

[priceyfatprude]

http://forum.zgeek.com/showthread.php?mode=hybrid&t=24908


"So my wife of fifteen years (next thusday) and I were having a kind of lull in our relationship. Still can't put a finger on what caused it, just a really weird time. We weren't talking and it just sucked for like three weeks. Neither of us were sleeping and things were really strained. Something had to give! I burned a totally legal* copy of "Can't smile without you" on to a CD, snuck to my wife's work, loaded it in her CD player in her car and adjusted the volume to the proper setting.

It worked. That simple yet extremely gay gesture got us talking and ****ing again. w00t. Thanks Barry Manilow.

*as per the copyright laws of Anarctica and Mars, possibly others."

[trisherina]

Originally posted by Miss Malevolent
I swear, it's like people need to have visions of some chick smashing geckos between her toes whilst they jack off with tacks and crisco in their hands.

What happened to normal sex?

I'm thinking in the future people will think that the missionary position was a myth.

I miss the divine Miss M.

[Large Marge]

Sorry, but I must interject.

The missionary position IS boring.

[dinzdale]

It depends on the missionary, and whether or not can she touch her toes :)

[Avalon]

Originally posted by Large Marge
Sorry, but I must interject.

The missionary position IS boring.

I must interject..
It isn't the position that is boring, it is the people.

[Large Marge]

If you want to get right down to it, it's the size that makes the difference.

The missionary position isn't the best position for, uh, someone who isn't well-endowed. There are many other positions with better contact.

And besides, sex would be dull in any position, if it were the same way over and over and over ...

[trisherina]

Now you see why I miss the divine Miss M.

[Avalon]

Originally posted by trisherina
Now you see why I miss the divine Miss M.

I never knew her and I miss her. *sigh*

[dinzdale]

Originally posted by Large Marge
The missionary position isn't the best position for, uh, someone who isn't well-endowed....

well stop having sex with Beale then....:rolleyes:

[bealeblues]

that's nice

[red]

this (http://www.milkandcookies.com/links/22272/) is awesome

[red]

stupid link. select the link below Dancing Transformer.

[Avalon]

Originally posted by red
this (http://www.milkandcookies.com/links/22272/) is awesome

THAT was awesome!

[Avalon]

Step 1. Tie missile balloons to car.

Step 2. Drive like a bat out of hell....

Step 3. Watch people freak out !!!!



http://img125.exs.cx/img125/5019/2004062704.jpg


got this in an email today; wish I had some...

[zenbabe]

AIM is like the ugly chick who gives SUCH good head, and works sooooooo well. MSN is like the typical hot blonde. Gorgeous, but you can't communicate with her. Yahoo! is the creepy guy whacking off in the corner that no one likes, and Trillian is the average looking bisexual male.

[funkytuba]

Originally posted by zenbabe
[...] and Trillian is the average looking bisexual male.
with multiple personalities

[priceyfatprude]

Originally posted by imdrsmooth
It's not like there is some porn forum that you might be embarassed to be seen in. This made me ruin my eye makeup.

[madasacutsnake]

Originally posted by Zaftig


Smarty secretly loves Bush. President Bush that is.

[Frieda]

my colleague Metin standing up from his chair today and announcing: "i'll be right back, i'm going to wash my pear"

[funkytuba]

Originally posted by Frieda
my colleague Metin standing up from his chair today and announcing: "i'll be right back, i'm going to wash my pear"
washin' the pear.... ahh yeah wakka chika..

[Frieda]

kay i guess you had to be there

i mean, he actually had a pear in his hand, but he said it in such a way.. ya know.. so we all had to laugh.. and he had such a dumb look on his face..

ok i guess it's not funny!

[Frieda]

damn!

[priceyfatprude]

No, Frieda, he thinks it's a euphemism for masturbation, therefore, funny. :cool:

The new guy @ work introduced himself to me today & looked me in the eyes when he said his name was Michael. Usually they can't keep their eyes off Laverne & Shirley.

[Frieda]

he's your new gbf

they always are

[priceyfatprude]

^^^^^^^^THAT made me JOJ!!!

[chuckie egg]

Originally posted by Frieda

ok i guess it's not funny!

I thought it was funny!!

*waves hand in the air*

[melissa]

http://www.sinfest.net/comics/sf20041202.gif

[tsunamimom]

^^
I have days like that...

[Willow Sylph]

Originally posted by priceyfatprude
No, Frieda, he thinks it's a euphemism for masturbation, therefore, funny. :cool:

The new guy @ work introduced himself to me today & looked me in the eyes when he said his name was Michael. Usually they can't keep their eyes off Laverne & Shirley. This gave me a good laugh this morning. You're too funny, Pricey :D

[zenbabe]

.

[melissa]

My co-worker (who has been recently introduced to Zeland) just called me and said "Do you know there is a panic button?" I got excited thinking that she had found a panic button at her desk (she's the front receptionist) but she had found the panic button on Ze's page! It made me laugh!!

[trisherina]

Originally posted by Audreyvgs
Cripes, play hard to get? I picked it, jumped on it, and then talked it into the rest. end of story. Who has time to play hard to get?

[Hermione]

"I'm a real bastard, aren't I?" - My Political Philosophy Professor.

[Frieda]

http://www.davidhasselhoffonline.com/Jan1993.jpg

[Audreyvgs]

^^^^^Is there a "what makes me cringe" thread?

[Spicy Jack]

thats animal cruelty!

[melissa]

FROM A DOG'S DIARY

8:00 am - Oh Boy! Dog food! My favorite!
9:30 am - Oh Boy! A car ride! My favorite!
9:40 am - Oh Boy! A walk! My favorite!
10:30 am - Oh Boy! A car ride! My favorite!
11:30 am - Oh Boy! Dog food! My favorite!
12:00 noon - Oh Boy! The Kids! My favorite!
1:00 pm - Oh Boy! The yard! My favorite!
4:00 pm - Oh Boy! Dog food! My favorite!
5:00 pm - Oh Boy! Mum! My favorite!
6:00 pm - Oh Boy! Playing ball! My favorite!
6:30 pm - Oh Boy! Sleeping in master's bed! My favorite!

EXCERPTS FROM A CAT'S DIARY

Day 183 Of My Captivity
My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild satisfaction from ruining the occasional piece of furniture. Tomorrow I may eat another house plant.

Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet while they were walking almost succeeded, must try this at the top of the stairs. In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once again induces myself to vomit on their favorite chair, must try this on their bed.

I decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body, in attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike fear into their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a good little cat I was. Hmmm, not working according to plan. There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in solitary throughout the event. However, I could hear the noise and smell the food. More importantly I overheard that my confinement was due to MY power of "allergies." Must learn what this is and how to use it to my advantage. I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe snitches.

The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return. He is obviously a half-wit. The bird on the other hand has got to be an informant, and speaks with them regularly. I am certain he reports my every move. Due to his current placement in the metal room, his safety is assured. But I can wait...

__________________________________________________ _______________I can wait...

[drivinmissdaisy]

The runner at the office put a Fed Ex (priority overnight) in the U.S. Postal Service mail box. Poor thing, some people are so clueless.

[Avalon]

pssst..dont tell anyone..but...
the post office outsources to fed ex and vice versa.
This fact won't help your guy, but it is true, none the less.

[drivinmissdaisy]

Yes, but it didn't help to get the check the the doctor's office that it needed to get to today, for an appointment on Monday.

All worked out, for his benefit because angry lawyers and doctors are not a good combination.

[priceyfatprude]

Originally posted by drivinmissdaisy
All worked out, for his benefit because angry lawyers and doctors are not a good combination. Yeah, lawyers suck. :)

[drivinmissdaisy]

Yeah, lawyers suck.

Not when the door to their door is shut. ;) Just kidding.


My neighbors just told me a story that made me laugh. . . He recently visited Independance, Missouri. He originally stopped there to check out Harry Truman's house. Two block's away he found none other than a casket outlet store. :confused:

But it gets better. . . next door to the casket store was a hawaian religious store.

. . .I guess Harry Truman really did come from humble beginnings.

[Audreyvgs]

Originally posted by priceyfatprude

Cause it's usually followed by "well why did you get online then?" & etc etc etc. It's much easier to pop in & out. Like a mole on the Whack-a-Mole.

[trisherina]

"His son said, 'He seems so cold.'"

(I will say nothing more other than to ecksplain that the gentleman in question was BLEEDING DEMISED.)

[madasacutsnake]

^^

Never tell HER anything.........

[trisherina]

I am the soul of discretion.

[Frieda]

http://www.nrk.no/img/286148.jpeg

[Spicy Jack]

still better than the Hoff

[Frieda]

http://www.pub.umich.edu/daily/1998/apr/04-07-98/photos/fileartsmillivanilli.gif

[Avalon]

Frieda!!
Are Milli Vanilli the new Hasselhoff?? :p

[priceyfatprude]

Originally posted by Spicy Jack
still better than the Hoff You are dead to me now.

[Audreyvgs]

http://humor.derenback.se/bilder/besokarnas/images/pegr_gp_happy.jpg

[priceyfatprude]

http://www.tshirthell.com/shirts/products/a401/a401.gif

[sparticle]

Boy, I feel safer now that Martha's behind bars. O.J. & Kobe are walking around, but they take the one woman in America willing to cook and clean and haul her to jail.


:D

[Coffee]

I was trying to find a nice way to say something about the drum set behind leo...this is so much better. :D :D :D

Originally posted by madasacutsnake
Ally.

A drum kit?

No.

I found it helped to change my frame of reference from

"being a mummy is a really good and fun thing"

to

"it truly greatly sucks cow's big hairy smelly *ss".

[Large Marge]

David Hasselhoff looks like a woman dressed up like a man.

[Gatsby]

David Hasselhoff IS a woman dressed up like a man. A woman on hormone-therapy-gone-awry.

[Spicy Jack]

Q: Dani from Dallas, Texas writes:


Barney-
My scottie, Cooper has a question for you. How does sandpaper feel?


A:Barney, First Dog:


Ruff!!!!!
HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HEE HOOO HAAA



^^^hahahahahaha

[Clytie]

"look free penguins!!!"

[rmr]

actual conversation

fool: kentucky's in wisconsin, right?

me: yes, it is.

[dinzdale]

The Cleveland Indians general manager is wondering what to do for some better pitching, when one of his assistants suggests they follow up a lead on a 17 yr old Iraqi kid. They travel top Bagdad, and watch as the kid throws 100 mph fastballs, wicked sliders and a curveball that moves both ways.
The Indians sign the boy and he takes the mound on opening day. Everyone is ther to see the young Iraqi pitch. 3 hours later the younmg lad is the talk of the baseball world as he throws 9 innings of shut-out baseball, including 22 strikeouts, as the opponents are made to look silly, flailing away and missing embarrasingly.
Later that evening, he calls his mother to tell her of how great everyone has trested him, and what a great day he had.
"Well good for you my selfish son", berates his mother. "While you were having fun playing your silly game, your father was shot in the leg, you sister was abducted by a street gang, and your younger brother was arrested for looting"
"I'm sorry mother", says the boy, now in tears.
"And so you should be, after all, it was your idea to bring us all to Cleveland"

[sparticle]

He should be glad the Astros didn't sign him.

[madasacutsnake]

Originally posted by rmr
actual conversation

fool: kentucky's in wisconsin, right?

me: yes, it is.

Where the Hell do you work?

And if you're not getting paid to hear that, you need some new friends.

[rmr]

^^ it was the cashier at the place where i get my lunch everyday. I had a very hard time not laughing right then and there.

[madasacutsnake]

Their food must be good.

Tell her that even I know where Kentucky is.

Dimwutt.

[Frieda]

kentucky is where the fried chicken comes from!!

and i *heart* fried chicken!!!

[rmr]

^^ i thought she was joking -- i just sort of shook my head and wasn't sure what to say....i figured it would be easier for me to not try and explain why kentucky is in fact not in wisconsin.

:rolleyes:

[madasacutsnake]

Originally posted by rmr
^^ i thought she was joking -- i just sort of shook my head and wasn't sure what to say....i figured it would be easier for me to not try and explain why kentucky is in fact not in wisconsin.

:rolleyes:

Because it's in, like, Kentucky?

You're so patient. I would have to buy a huge farking map, write "Kentucky HERE, Wisconsin HERE" in big red letters and present her with it in the middle of the lunch-time rush.

[zero]

hahaha!!

wisconsin's in massachusetts - nowhere near kentucky

[dinzdale]

Originally posted by rmr
it was the cashier at the place where i get my lunch everyday

Rimmer, you go home for lunch and that is your mother.

[rmr]

oh my god the three of you just cracked me up.................and dinz so what if my mom is DUMB!!

[madasacutsnake]

^^

You're the one giving her money.

[priceyfatprude]

My most memorable roomie from Camp Wanaweewee sent me a Christmas card.

[drivinmissdaisy]

originally posted by rmr

actual conversation

fool: kentucky's in wisconsin, right?

me: yes, it is.

This was the first thing that made me laugh today. Except a picture that some guy would never let me show ya'll.

[madasacutsnake]

Originally posted by bealeblues
one word: holyfvckingshit.....

we now have the christmas party pictures back. i'm in about 12 shots but i have no memory of ANY of them being taken.

none. not a good sign.

there's one shot i'm going to post of me dancing that also shows a video camera documenting the whole thing. i'm calling in sick the day that they show the video at the office.... judging by the pictures, i might even resign.

[sparticle]

Originally posted by rmr
actual conversation

fool: kentucky's in wisconsin, right?

me: yes, it is.

That IS funny. Especially the "yes, it is".

I told my husband this fall during the Red Sox-Yankees playoff series that due to the large Hispanic population of New York, by law all their locally produced baseball broadcasts had to be in Spanish. Since we aren't exactly Yankees fans here, he had no frame of reference. Since I understand a little Spanish, I "translated" for him.

(I actually know baseball, not Spanish -- for all I know, half the time the announcer could have been talking about his own days in the minors in the Dominican Republic. But they'd show Pedro, and I'd say, "He says Pedro Martinez throws a psychological game. He says it's both his weakness and his strength. He says for a guy his size he has surprising power. Oh, look -- infield fly rule on that one. He says it would have been a foul ball with just another inch or so....")

When my husband found out the game was in Spanish because I had our cable receiver set to the Spanish-language option, he was less than amused with me. But that was okay as I was amused enough for both of us.

Maybe next week I will tell him Kentucky is in Wisconsin. It HAS to be. I saw it on the Internet.

[melissa]

Sparticle, you should give lessons. I admire your creativity.

[drivinmissdaisy]

I told my husband this fall during the Red Sox-Yankees playoff series that due to the large Hispanic population of New York, by law all their locally produced baseball broadcasts had to be in Spanish. Since we aren't exactly Yankees fans here, he had no frame of reference. Since I understand a little Spanish, I "translated" for him.

That is funny, and totally something that I would believe.

I am trying to learn spanish, I think that it is a beautiful language.

[sparticle]

Originally posted by melissa
Sparticle, you should give lessons. I admire your creativity.

Thank you. If I ever give lessons, I will not charge. Just knowing that everyone else's husband/significant other is climbing the walls too will be thanks enough. :cool:

[zenbabe]

http://www.laserp.com/fun_stuff/star_schmucks.htm

[sparticle]

Originally posted by drivinmissdaisy
That is funny, and totally something that I would believe.

I am trying to learn spanish, I think that it is a beautiful language.

Spanish is indeed a beautiful language.

The funny thing is that if anyone else told Mr. Spart such an outrageous falsehood, he would say, "Get out of here. There's no way." And yet he knows that about half of what I tell him is just pure nonsense, designed to confound, annoy and pester him.

My husband, it is often remarked by friends and foes alike, is going to ascend bodily into Heaven when his time comes. Believe me, he will have earned every star in his crown. :cool:

[Hermione]

I learned Spanish for four years. I spoke it pretty well. I suck now. I do watch novelas now and then to brush up.

[trisherina]

"There's still a lot of Queens in George Tennant."

-- GW Bush, as quoted on The Daily Show

[Zaftig]

Originally posted by zenbabe
http://www.laserp.com/fun_stuff/star_schmucks.htm
"fvcking tricky"

HAHAHHAAAA! I love that!

[Audreyvgs]

Originally posted by JesusTitties
http://img134.exs.cx/img134/1347/5443li.jpg

[Da1&only]

ha ha

[priceyfatprude]

Originally posted by dinzdale
He's like a confederate Johnny Cochran isnt he?

More like Johnny Cockring ......:rolleyes:

[drivinmissdaisy]

A blonde called her bofriend and said, "Please come over here and help me. I have a killer jugsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get it started."

Her boyfriend asked, "What is that supposed to be when it's finished?"

The blonde said, "According to the picture on the box, it's a tiger."

Her boyfriend decided to go over and help with the puzzle. She let him in and showed him where she had the puzzle spread all over the table. He studied the pieces for a moment, then looked at the box, then turned to her and said, "First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to the assemble these pieces into anything resembling a tiger." He took her hand and said, "Second, I want you to relax. Let's have a nice cup of hot chocolate and then..........", he signed, ........"Let's put all these frosted flakes back in the box."

[Frieda]

http://www.officeolympics.net/

[Clytie]

looking for a great gift this holiday?

http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&category=1469&item=5542581788&rd=1

[Zaftig]

Originally posted by madasacutsnake
Ha. Lala has pickle toes.

[madasacutsnake]

Originally posted by Clytie
looking for a great gift this holiday?

http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&category=1469&item=5542581788&rd=1

Check out the high bidder ID.

[Zaftig]

You have GOT to be Shittin' me! HAHHAHAAA! Np pun intended! hahahha! If the people that received her cookies only new those aren't chocolate chips and the brownies have a 'secret' ingredient!! HAHAAA

[madasacutsnake]

Spicy makes cookies.

[Zaftig]

With their own unique spice.

Hey Spicy, do you have an ebay ID? heh

[Spicy Jack]

I do. I sell souls.

[madasacutsnake]

I buy them.

[madasacutsnake]

Should I bid? (http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&category=19270&item=5544016626&rd=1&ssPageName=WDVW)

[melissa]

yes.

[Spicy Jack]

eh, you don't even know if this person has a lean on their soul or what impurities it may have.

i only sell clean or recently repented souls. i also like to soak them in a bit of holy water to get the rest of the residue off.

[melissa]

Your responsibility amazes and impresses me.

[Zaftig]

Originally posted by madasacutsnake
Should I bid? (http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&category=19270&item=5544016626&rd=1&ssPageName=WDVW)

There's no picture. SUCK!

My sister sold me at a yard sale when I was 6 for two bucks. She told the kid to come back when I was 18. He never showed. Shmuck.

[melissa]

And she still got the 2$?

[Zaftig]

Yeah, probably because she was 8 and well, I looked like the bumble bee girl when I was that age and for a long time after. :D I was cute though!!!

[madasacutsnake]

Originally posted by Spicy Jack
eh, you don't even know if this person has a lean on their soul or what impurities it may have.

i only sell clean or recently repented souls. i also like to soak them in a bit of holy water to get the rest of the residue off.

"Ask seller a question" function. He only has 34 fb. It could be a prank.

I'd also be concerned about how well he packs. It would be disappointing to have a soul damaged in transit.

[Coffee]

Originally posted by Spicy Jack
eh, you don't even know if this person has a lean on their soul or what impurities it may have.

i only sell clean or recently repented souls. i also like to soak them in a bit of holy water to get the rest of the residue off.


I don't know...I still think it sounds like a good value to pick up that cheep one.
You could use it for your slummin and infidelity soul. Your going out on "that" side of town soul.

[trisherina]

A squarehead soul, definitely for those bohunk adventures. And shipping is schnellen.

[Gatsby]

If I sell free legal service for life on eBay, do you think anyone would pay off my student loans?

Can't guarantee it'd be GOOD legal advise, but it would be heartfelt....

[chuckie egg]

A royal attendant was sacked today after attempting to sell one of the Queen's Christmas puddings on eBay.

[Da1&only]

I fell out of bed this morning.i persons;ly thought it was very funny even tho know one else seen

[chuckie egg]

Originally posted by Da1&only
I fell out of bed this morning.i persons;ly thought it was very funny even tho know one else seen

HAHA!

[RuneT]

http://www.humor911.com/pub/innslag/bilder/1294.jpg

[Spicy Jack]

A Christmas Story for people having a bad day....

When four of Santa's elves got sick, and the trainee elves did not produce the toys as fast as the regular ones, Santa was beginning to feel the pressure of being behind schedule.

Then Mrs. Claus told Santa that her Mom was coming to visit. This stressed Santa even more.

When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were about to give birth and two had jumped the fence and were out, heaven knows where.

More stress.

Then when he began to load the sleigh one of the boards cracked, and the toy bag fell to the ground and scattered the toys.

So, frustrated, Santa went into the house for a cup of apple cider and a shot of rum. When he went to the cupboard, he discovered that the elves had hidden the liquor, and there was nothing to drink. In his frustration, he accidentally dropped the cider pot, and it broke into hundreds of little pieces all over the kitchen floor.

He went to get the broom and found that mice had eaten the straw end of the broom

Just then the doorbell rang, and irritable Santa trudged to the door. He opened the door, and there was a little angel with a great big Christmas tree.

The angel said, very cheerfully, "Merry Christmas, Santa. Isn't it a lovely day? I have a beautiful tree for you. Where would you like me to stick it?"

And so began the tradition of the little angel on top of the Christmas tree.

[sparticle]

http://us.news2.yimg.com/us.yimg.com/p/ap/20041215/capt.wxs10112152100.polar_bear_gingerbread_wxs101. jpg

[drivinmissdaisy]

HA! My sister's office is entering this contest. They have a jugle themed restroom.

http://www.bestrestroom.com/ (http://www.bestrestroom.com)

[madasacutsnake]

From RuneT:

1. What food are you most looking forward to eating this Christmas?

none. I will be in England. Say no more.

WTF is it with those people?

[drivinmissdaisy]

http://www.nova.edu/hpd/otm/gifs/bhh.GIF

[Smartypants]

http://www.misspoppy.com/catalog/img/products/christmas/six_pack.jpg

http://www.misspoppy.com/catalog/img/products/body/gay_accent.jpg

[Frieda]

http://img60.exs.cx/img60/5556/grolsch1fr.jpg

[chuckie egg]

Frieda that is SO not funny!

[Aphrodite]

That's what you get when you cross a truck driver with a beer drinker.

A Spilly Driver!

[Clytie]

http://www.asral.org/images/2%20in%20fish%20bowl.jpg

[malarkey]

me. i made myself laugh today. alot!!!

[sparticle]

Originally posted by Aphrodite
That's what you get when you cross a truck driver with a beer drinker.

A Spilly Driver!

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! That was my laugh for the morning.


I not only miss hockey, I miss the Canadian commercials. :cool:

[Large Marge]

Originally posted by sparticle
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! That was my laugh for the morning.


I not only miss hockey, I miss the Canadian commercials. :cool:

I miss the AVS!!! Hawaii isn't known for its hockey.

And I miss Canadian beer. Do they still make Koutenay?

[Avalon]

Originally posted by Smartypants
Well, I heard that only 5 inches of snow fell, but all the men in the area claim that it was 10 inches.

[Large Marge]

Originally posted by Smartypants
Well, I heard that only 5 inches of snow fell, but all the men in the area claim that it was 10 inches.

HAHAHA!!!

[madasacutsnake]

Sorry oficer. (http://www.news.com.au/common/story_page/0,4057,11785120%255E13762,00.html)

[rmr]

this email--

"I just got really grossed out. I had to go to the bathroom, so I went into one of the stalls but I had to go pretty quickly and was too lazy to line the seat, so I sat down. The seat was warm. Very warm. And I THINK I know who was responsible for keeping my seat warm. SICK!"

[Large Marge]

http://img150.exs.cx/img150/9076/engrishcafeteria0sb.gif http://img148.exs.cx/img148/8613/engrishpottray5dn.jpg http://img148.exs.cx/img148/2036/engrishblendy16eo.jpg

[priceyfatprude]

xo voluptuous: omg!
xo voluptuous: MERRY X-MAS!
JakeD409: happy kwanzah :D
xo voluptuous: damn straight
xo voluptuous: soo
xo voluptuous: how's santa treating ya?
JakeD409: like a jew :(


* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *


VBallBabe91: why do girls have to have a pic to be proven female??
ChDonaldson: because this is the internet.
ChDonaldson: unless proven otherwise, you are a 50yr old man with a bucket of KFC in one hand and your penis in the other.






http://www.jaked409.net/

[Large Marge]

http://img57.exs.cx/img57/1796/analexams2lv.jpg

[priceyfatprude]

http://www.greenapple.com/~jorp/amzanim/lime-cat.jpg

[Large Marge]

http://www.greenapple.com/~jorp/amzanim/lime-cat.jpg


AAAHAHAHAHA!!!

If that's a lime, that is the smallest cat in the world.

[Clytie]

ahahahaaaa

anal exams!

[madasacutsnake]

so this one time when my friend was in town (this happened when I lived in chicago) and we were at smith and wollonsky which is a pretty nice steak house -- it's along the river so there's a nice view and the foods pretty good. anyway we're in there basically drinking our dinner and laughing and stuff and then out of no where this women who had to be at least 60 if not older flew back on her barstool (seriously she flew up into the air) and totally did like a nestea plunge kind of thing -- her earings went flying off in different directions and she yelled out "what happened" to which her husband responded with "YOU'RE DRUNK -- THAT'S WHAT HAPPENED" -- i mean come on -- we were dying -- i mean almost wet your pants kind of dying
..........

[priceyfatprude]

http://toothpastefordinner.com/010205/wearing-pastries.gif

[zenbabe]

This lawfirm called Fish & Snell

I don't know why....

[dinzdale]

I got a letter from a solicitor once headed by "Brenner & Crotch".

I always wondered how a person goes through life called Mr Crotch.

[Aphrodite]

I got a letter from a solicitor once headed by "Brenner & Crotch".

I always wondered how a person goes through life called Mr Crotch.

I bet his wife kept her maiden name.

[rmr]

^^ why would you say that -- i'd love to be mrs crotch

[dinzdale]

Another one, Mrs D#1 told me was that she had a note to call "Mr Donger".

She dialled the number and asked for "Mr Don-jay" to which he very abruptly replied..."That's Dongah young lady!"

:confused:

[Large Marge]

Another one, Mrs D#1 told me was that she had a note to call "Mr Donger".

She dialled the number and asked for "Mr Don-jay" to which he very abruptly replied..."That's Dongah young lady!"

:confused:


I went to school with an Erma Futtbucker.

[priceyfatprude]

And that's not what I posted .... heheheheeeeeeenosenseofhumor

[Large Marge]

heheheheeeeeeenosenseofhumor

I never said I didn't think it was funny. :D

heheheheheheeeeeeeee22andthinksshesthecenteroftheu niverse

[priceyfatprude]

I never said I didn't think it was funny. :D

heheheheheheeeeeeeee22andthinksshesthecenteroftheu niverseI love that you think I'm 22.

I'll be the center of your universe, baby. ;)

[Large Marge]

I love that you think I'm 22.

I'll be the center of your universe, baby. ;)


Was I off by a year or two? My bad.

You ARE the center of my universe. I have a life-size poster of you hanging over my bed.

I've saved every post you've ever written on my desktop in a folder called "my Love."

I'm going to name my first-born child, Pricey.

[priceyfatprude]

Was I off by a year or two? My bad.

You ARE the center of my universe. I have a life-size poster of you hanging over my bed.

I've saved every post you've ever written on my desktop in a folder called "my Love."

I'm going to name my first-born child, Pricey.Attagirl. That's my Margie. :D

[Large Marge]

http://img154.exs.cx/img154/2172/dilbert2hd.jpg

[madasacutsnake]

i'm very happy to be an american -- it feels so good to know that no other country has any generalizations about us!!
...........

[madasacutsnake]

Mr A sitting by the front door with his dink out just as visitors arrived.

Snake: "Put your penis away, Mr A"

Mr A (LOUDLY): "It's not a penis, it's a c*ck!"

[sparticle]

Along with some negative rep I received for posting in the "i'm really upset" thread:

now what? - "competitive bathroom decor" pics???


HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Sheesh! Somebody's infuriated by my bathtub!

[melissa]

That's really funny, Spart!!

[rmr]

i gave you good rep spartie -- i told you i wanted to take a bath at your house -- well on second thought that may have been taken the wrong way -- in that case i meant it in the nicest possible way

[priceyfatprude]

My friend's cell phone.


She has Patrick from Spongebob para-sailing as the image for when I call.

Along with my own ringtone, which is The Verve's Bittersweet Symphony.

Just picture Patrick sailing through the air to that tune.


That is all.

[Large Marge]

Mr A sitting by the front door with his dink out just as visitors arrived.

Snake: "Put your penis away, Mr A"

Mr A (LOUDLY): "It's not a penis, it's a c*ck!"

I'm sorry, but I have to ask:

Where was a man sitting in front of a door with his penis out?

:confused:

[Smartypants]

It DOES sorta beg the question, huh? "Inquiring Minds..." and all that...

[Large Marge]

It DOES sorta beg the question, huh? "Inquiring Minds..." and all that...

Yes, I picture her dropping her child off at daycare in the morning, the two of them walking hand in hand to the door - where they both have to step over the wanker (the man, not the penis).

[trisherina]

Along with some negative rep I received for posting in the "i'm really upset" thread:




HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Sheesh! Somebody's infuriated by my bathtub!

It was the way it combed its hair.

[tsunamimom]

FRom JT's Peckerhead thread
id like to shove duck eggs up her ass

ROFLPMP! OMG my sides - ow....!

Love
Jo

[Large Marge]

http://img103.exs.cx/img103/2921/fake8cx.jpg


My stepmother thought this was a real picture of the tsunami.

:rolleyes:

[tsunamimom]

<img src="http://people.delphiforums.com/tsunamimom/blinkie.gif" width="204" height="204" border="0" alt="">

[zenbabe]

We were at this resturant for lunch and the next table over there was a mom with her friend and her little boy. He ordered a hot dog with mustard and katsup on it and when the waitress set it in front of him, he picked the whole thing up and smooshed it on the side of his face and said "Hello?" Like he was talking on a cell phone...hahahhaha, I was rolling....

[madasacutsnake]

I'm sorry, but I have to ask:

Where was a man sitting in front of a door with his penis out?

:confused:

I work in a nursing home. This is mild, if not normal behaviour.

[Large Marge]

I work in a nursing home. This is mild, if not normal behaviour.

Snake, where is the thread with the Ute's? I posted a bunch of questions for you in there, but now I can't find it ...

[trisherina]

You mean this (http://www.zefrank.com/bulletin/showthread.php?p=246705#post246705) thread.

[Large Marge]

You mean this (http://www.zefrank.com/bulletin/showthread.php?p=246705#post246705) thread.


Yes!! Thanks!

[Large Marge]

http://img137.exs.cx/img137/1640/moviesign1oc.jpg

[Frieda]

this thing from rims' bathroom thread


and now a toilet story for all of you -- when i was a younger lady my friend and i went to my boyfriends apartment -- he was sleeping and i was determined to get in so of course there was some sort of climbing a fence thing (keep in mind i of course was 100% sober http://www.zefrank.com/bulletin/images/smilies/wink.gif ) anyway we climbed a fence and ended up in a neighbors yard -- when out of the corner of my eye i spot a toilet -- without a word spoken my friend and went running over to and off with this toilet -- i was still living at home and had my dads pick-up truck so of course we put the toilet in the back like it was some sort of prize or something and took off for home -- i park the truck totally forgetting that we had a toilet in the bed of the truck. the next morning i wake up to "RMR WHAT IN GODS NAME IS WRONG WITH YOU" my friend and i both look at each other like what are they talking about when it hits us both like a lightening bolt -- we both blurted out THE TOILET -- we couldn't stop laughing and my mom got soooooooo pissed that we thought it was funny she kept saying crap like YOUR FATHER IS TOO OLD TO BE CARTING TOILETS AROUND -- anyway she ended up laughing and now we tell the story at family gatherings --

the end

[Large Marge]

http://img156.exs.cx/img156/465/flooding7pm.jpg

Serious flooding

[priceyfatprude]

this thing from rims' bathroom threadDitto. :)

[trisherina]

he was the best damn smoking and vomiting robot we ever had

*wipes tear from eye*
Every time I think about this I get the giggles.

[Large Marge]

Every time I think about this I get the giggles.

ditto. :)

[Large Marge]

http://img126.exs.cx/img126/1081/megaflicks5zj.jpg

Nice font choice.

[Smartypants]

Guinness Ad (http://www.commercialcloset.org/cgi-bin/iowa/portrayals.html?record=153&searchwords=GUINNESS)

Budweiser Commercial (http://www.commercialcloset.org/cgi-bin/iowa/portrayals.html?record=839)

LOL!!! (http://www.commercialcloset.org/cgi-bin/iowa/portrayals.html?record=678)

Big Gulp (http://www.commercialcloset.org/cgi-bin/iowa/portrayals.html?record=992)

[Smartypants]

One more, and then I'm done:

http://www.commercialcloset.org/images/data/COMCLOSET_PICS/picture/7990.JPG

[Smartypants]

Only someone with a really small flag would say something like that!

Click here (http://www.comedycentral.com/tv_shows/thedailyshowwithjonstewart/videos_corr.jhtml?p=bee), and then choose the video called "Stars & Strife."

This is REALLY funny... as long as you don't have kids in the Florida school system.

[zenbabe]

http://img103.exs.cx/img103/2921/fake8cx.jpg


My stepmother thought this was a real picture of the tsunami.

:rolleyes:


my aunt sent me the same thing!

[Large Marge]

my aunt sent me the same thing!


I think we should send them both to a class or something.

"How Not to be Perceived as an Idiot when Sending E-mail, 101"

[zenbabe]

I can't remember if that is the day after tomorrow, escape from L.A. or Deep Impact.

[lapietra]

Frieda : it's pitch black. you are likely to be eaten by a grue.

Frieda : >north

Frieda : you are in a dark corridor. you see a faint light at the northern end of the corridor.

Frieda: >look at light

Frieda: the light is very faint.

you are in a dark corridor. you see a faint light at the northern end of the corridor.

zero: get hammer

Frieda: you are standing in a corridor. you see a light at the northern end of the corridor. a wooden warhammer is hanging on the wall.

you get the hammer and put it in your backpack.

zero: take backpack

go north

get hammer

hit light

Frieda: it's pitch black. you are likely to be eaten by a grue.

zero: :eek:
go south!

Frieda: it's pitch black. you are likely to be eaten by a grue.
you hear a growling noise in the distance.

zero: :eek: :confused:

get sword

hit grue

Frieda: it's pitch black. you are likely to be eaten by a grue.



(hint: type I)

zero: :mad:I I I


:confused: I I I

:eek:

I....

Frieda: >I
You are carrying:
a wooden warhammer
a torch
a box of matches
a note

zero : GET MATCHES LIGHT TORCH READ NOTE
FVCK HAMMER!

Frieda: :eek:

Frieda: you **** the hammer and fall into an undeep pit. a grue appears, wearing black stockings and a leather bra.

[Smartypants]

http://www.confirmationvixens.com/buttmunch

[priceyfatprude]

That's bigger than the turkey we had at Thanksgiving.HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

[Hyakujo's Fox]

From: billy
Subject: the recycled universe
if the universe started with an explosion, could it not end with an implosion? black holes are currently eating our solar system and presumably all other galaxies as well - in the future when all matter has been consumed and the universe has been reduced to one mega black hole, could the super condensed core (containg all the matter that was our universe) be triggered to explode and create another incarnation of said universe? could the universe have a finite timeline with the 'big bang' as the beginning, and consumption by black holes as the end? was 'our' big bang the first, or just another in a long line of universal 'recycling'? could the void that our universe is expanding into be the space left by the last mega black hole, and the matter that is everything be the exploded core? just as our natural environment and indeed our species, is born, lives and dies in an evolutionary cycle, could the universe itself go through the same process (as a living entity) and be reborn?

From: Cusp
Subject: re: the recycled universe
No

From: Magic Chicken
Subject: re: the recycled universe

Just to expand on Cusp's answer (if I may):

>> if the universe started with an explosion,

No.

>> could it not end with an implosion?

No.

>> black holes are currently eating our solar system

No.

>> and presumably all other galaxies as well -

No.

>> in the future when all matter has been consumed and the universe has been reduced to one mega black hole,

No.

>> could the super condensed core (containg all the matter that was our universe) be triggered to explode

No.

>> and create another incarnation of said universe?

No.

>> could the universe have a finite timeline with the 'big bang' as the beginning, and consumption by black holes as the end?

No.

>> was 'our' big bang the first, or just another in a long line of universal 'recycling'?

We don't know.

>> could the void that our universe is expanding into be the space left by the last mega black hole,

No.

>> and the matter that is everything be the exploded core?

No.

>> just as our natural environment and indeed our species, is born, lives and dies in an evolutionary cycle, could the universe itself go through the same process (as a living entity)

No.

-

[Smartypants]

Just in case anyone here was feeling really nerdy, just remember. everything is relative! (http://www.ebaumsworld.com/numanuma.html) !!!

[Large Marge]

Just in case anyone here was feeling really nerdy, just remember. everything is relative! (http://www.ebaumsworld.com/numanuma.html) !!!

Hilarious!!

:D

[madasacutsnake]

From: Magic Chicken
Subject: re: the recycled universe

Just to expand on Cusp's answer (if I may):

>> if the universe started with an explosion,

No.

>> could it not end with an implosion?

No.

>> black holes are currently eating our solar system

No.

>> and presumably all other galaxies as well -

No.

>> in the future when all matter has been consumed and the universe has been reduced to one mega black hole,

No.

>> could the super condensed core (containg all the matter that was our universe) be triggered to explode

No.

>> and create another incarnation of said universe?

No.

>> could the universe have a finite timeline with the 'big bang' as the beginning, and consumption by black holes as the end?

No.

>> was 'our' big bang the first, or just another in a long line of universal 'recycling'?

We don't know.

>> could the void that our universe is expanding into be the space left by the last mega black hole,

No.

>> and the matter that is everything be the exploded core?

No.

>> just as our natural environment and indeed our species, is born, lives and dies in an evolutionary cycle, could the universe itself go through the same process (as a living entity)

No.

You and your young friend should get thee to the Debate Hall.

[Clytie]

http://www.weddingsbyrafael.com/Images/Web%20Nails/Ring%20Finger%20Title.jpg

[madasacutsnake]

^^

That made me laugh. But you knew that already, didn't you?

[Large Marge]

http://img168.exs.cx/img168/4205/deer5wk.jpg

[trisherina]

The 12"razormix and zero exchange in suki wabi sabi. (and no small feat considering I'm off to work brimful of viral goodness again)

[melissa]

http://www.sinfest.net/comics/sf20050125.gif

[chuckie egg]

Kung Fu International
Outside the take-away, Saturday night
a bald adolescent, asks me out for a fight
He was no bigger than a two-penny fart
he was a deft exponent of the martial art
He gave me three warnings:
Trod on me toes, stuck his fingers in my eyes
and kicked me in the nose
A rabbit punch made me eyes explode
My head went dead, I fell in the road

I pleaded for mercy
I wriggled on the ground
he kicked me in the balls
and said something profound
Gave my face the millimetre tread
Stole me chop suey and left me for dead

Through rivers of blood and splintered bones
I crawled half a mile to the public telephone
pulled the corpse out the call box, held back the bile
and with a broken index finger, I proceeded to dial

I couldn’t get an ambulance
the phone was screwed
The receiver fell in half
it had been kung fu’d

A black belt karate cop opened up the door
demanding information about the stiff on the floor
he looked like an extra from Yang Shang Po
he said “What’s all this then
ah so, ah so, ah so.”
he wore a bamboo mask
he was gen’ned on zen
He finished his devotions and he beat me up again

Thanks to that embryonic Bruce Lee
I’m a shadow of the person that I used to be
I can’t go back to Salford
the cops have got me marked
Enter the Dragon
Exit Johnny Clarke