Letters that get me through the day.

[Frieda]

Originally posted by bealeblues
too bad bol.com doesn't sell replacement houseplants
just shut up man!

[bealeblues]

:eek:

[priceyfatprude]

Dear Lean Cuisine,

YOU CALL THAT A PIZZA?!?!?!?!?!?!

-me


Dear Self,

WTF did you expect?

[Hermione]

Dear God,

THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!!!!!! Please let me do the same thing on Tuesday!!!!!!
love ALWAYS,
surbhiiii

[priceyfatprude]

Dear women at the gym:

You look ridiculous sweating your ass off w/a face full of makeup. You will wake up broken out tomorrow.

Putting jingle bells on your shoes before going to aerobics class can result in getting my priceyfat shoe thrown at your head.

Not changing the weight level before you use a machine makes me smirk. Keep that shit up.

Love,

Aimee

[bealeblues]

dear new bar lovely that we met last night:

wow.


yours,

dumb and dumber

[dinzdale]

Dear Beale,

Where the fark have you been, slacker?


Regards
Knobby Large

[bealeblues]

dear knobby *cough* large:

i have been relishing in my confedera-sigh heritage and trying my best not to piss on people's jolly holiday, and i have been trying to hold myself out as a social creature with a life (that part is not working, btw).... how's tricks?

holiday greetings,

beale

[RuneT]

I'll be in the uk land from Sunday and I leave the 28'th. Will there be any sign of american wannabees there?

[dinzdale]

Dear home,
I'll get there before the end of January I promise. Smoke me a kipper.

Bulldog Drummond

[Hermione]

Dear head,

Please stop hurtingggg

-me

[rapscalious rob]

Dear evil computer hacker who put a virus on my computer at work:

If I ever meet you, I will tie your hands together with duct tape and hogtie you, then dump you into the ocean where you can enjoy the wonderful feeling of saltwater filling our lungs. I hate your frickin guts and you suck. I hope you die painfully and soon. Thanks for making my life miserable. If I weren’t full of liquer I would have a difficult time falling asleep tonight because of you, you stupid short-sighted self-centered son of a b****.

Sincerely yours,

Me.

[Frieda]

dear rob,

first of all: it wasn´t me!

second: update! ;)

have a merry christmas!

love,
frieda

;)

[xerocs]

Dear UPS guy,

Thank you first for bringing my package. Thank you secondly for being so cheerful and nice. When I saw you floating around in Wendy's being happy with life and all that it has to offer it gave me a new outlook on mine. The union is nice isn't it? I really enjoyed seeing someone so happy to be alive... I really wish I had your job. Is the pay good? Thank you UPS guy.

-m

Dear Union,

Where did you bury Hoffa?

-m

Dear alarm clock,

I know that I set you every night to wake at 5 am... but do you have to be so ****ing annoying about it? Can you also stop waking me right in the middle of juicy explicit dreams? Thank you.

-m

[xerocs]

Dear Mood,

Change. Now.

Love,
Me

[xerocs]

Dear dreams,

There is a time and a place.... now is niether.

Love,
me

[xerocs]

Dear Ze,

Thank you for the idea that you never knew you gave me. Really, Thank you.

-x

[priceyfatprude]

Dear Xerocs,

Cheer up.

Love,

-PFP

[rapscalious rob]

Dear person who responeded to my flyer:

You have saved my sanity today and may very well have saved my life. This could be the beginning of something wonderful. Thank you. Thank you a million times over.

Indebted,

Rob.

[Frieda]

dear eyes,

please stay open!

thanks,
frieda

[chuckie egg]

Dear weekend,

Hurry up!

Thanks.

[masterofNone]

dear bourbon,

thanks for being sucha sweetheart.

me and my head

[Frieda]

dear dishwasher repair man,

farking FIX the damn thing!! don't say you fixed it, actually FIX IT!!

frieda

[Frieda]

oh, and don't leave me farking waiting for 3,5 hours!!

[Red Princess]

dear full moon,
enough already, i can't take any more.
RP

[Deviate]

Dear Day,

can you please be just a BIT longer? seems i've slacked off and now i'm running out of time.

thanks.

-dev.

[dinzdale]

Dear Ms LaPietra
I am shocked and disgusted at your vulgar language and lasciviuosness displayed in this public forum. The word harlot springs to mind, as do the words slattern, doxy and Jezebel.
I am going to wash your keyboard in soap and water young lady and send you to bed forthwith, and even fifthwith.

Reginald Bollocks (Major - ret.)

[Red Princess]

Originally posted by dinzdale
Dear Ms LaPietra
I am amazed and delighted at your creative language and charm displayed in this public forum. The word poet springs to mind, as do the words genius, artist and Elzabeth Barrett Browning.
I am going to send you huge amounts of money young lady and congratulate you forthwith, and even fifthwith.

Reginald Bollocks (Major - ret.)

[ambo]

dear me
whatever shall i do ?
me

[Magpie]

Dear Magpie Offspring,

If you do not shape up and act more civilized I will be forced to do the following...

When I am old and come to visit you I will walk into your home (after walking through a muddy field) and wipe a bugger on your wall. Then I will pee on your bathroom floor, stuff numerous food wrappers in and under your couch, leave your milk out, and deposit my clothing where ever the mood strikes me about your house. I will sit at your dining room table and clip my toenails, letting the cuttings fly wildly into your carpet....

I am also looking forward to riding in your car.

I love you,
Mom

[lapietra]

Dearest Reggiekins,

Oh please don't be such a prig. You're one to talk, after that incident on the MAEW* site. And don't try to pretend this is all new to you and that your virgin eyes are offended. I seem to recall that you enjoy that kind of talk very well in certain circumstances... ;)
In any case, you shan't inhibit me. If you persist in making an embarrassing scene, I shall have to make the details of your special condition uncomfortably public. Cease and desist!
Although I do quite like that part about being sent to bed forthwith. That part's negotiable. :D

Kissies,
Lala





*Mothers Against Excessive Wanking

[Hermione]

Dear School..

please ease up a bit.. I'm getting really stressed out.. only five more months and I don't have to deal with you anymore.. until then.. plelase don't give me such a headache..

love me

[priceyfatprude]

Dear Brett Favre:

Eat a bag of dicks. I fvcking hate you.

Love,

Aimee

[Hermione]

Dear PFP,

that made me laugh.. thank for bringing a smile to my face =)

love me

[AllegroNg]

Dearest Red Light,
Again, I apologize. I'd stop at each and every one if you weren't so rediculous! You know what I mean.
Sincerely,
Angie & Prius

[priceyfatprude]

Dear Surbs,

You're welcome. I live to give.

-PFP

[Deviate]

Dear Angel,

Please call me and let me know what the f*ck is up. I'm impatient, I'm dedicated, I'm a f*cking visionary. Use me. Abuse me. Make me sweat. Make me bleed. All I ask from you now is that you call me.

-me.


Dear Stomach,

no, you cannot have food right now. i'm too f*cking lazy to get off my duff and make something to eat. and this is why:

i'd have to move a cat
if i get up i'd want to put some clothes on
if i'm going to put clothes on i should take a shower first
if i'm going to take a shower i'm going to have to put rugs down
if i'm going to put rugs down i should sweep the floor first
if i'm going to sweep the floor i should mop too, and take the trash out
if i'm going to take the bathroom trash out i should collect the other trash in the house
if i'm going to collect the trash in the house i should put some clothes on

end game.

-me.

[priceyfatprude]

Dear caramel corn that someone left in the breakroom,

You & I must stop this torrid affair. A handful here, a handful there. No more!

-me

[Deviate]

Dear Montana,

i dreampt about you last night - you like you used to be, back when we first met. you were smiling.

i miss you. i wish i could tell you everything i want to tell you. i wish i told you everything back when it was easier.

but it was never easy.

love you,
-me.

p.s. your boy is very cute.


Dear Mind,
c.c. Heart

i'm not what i want to be, i can't be what she needs. time for us to give it up.

-self.

[masterofNone]

Originally posted by Deviate

i'm too f*cking lazy to get off my duff and make something to eat. and this is why:

i'd have to move a cat
if i get up i'd want to put some clothes on
if i'm going to put clothes on i should take a shower first
if i'm going to take a shower i'm going to have to put rugs down
if i'm going to put rugs down i should sweep the floor first
if i'm going to sweep the floor i should mop too, and take the trash out
if i'm going to take the bathroom trash out i should collect the other trash in the house
if i'm going to collect the trash in the house i should put some clothes on

end game.

-me.

deev,

this is fantastic. this is at the root of all my troubles.

respectfully,
moN

[red]

Dear steve,
You suck. Just because I don't want to use your lame-ass headline on a mailer doesn't mean you don't have to give me ANY copy at all. putz.
Hoping you're never hired full-time,
red

[Deviate]

me too, MoN. blowage abounds.

[AllegroNg]

Dearest Co-worker,
I am going to miss you sorely. Even if I don't act like it, I will. Trust me. When I see you, it takes many deep breaths to prevent myself from crying.
Yeah yeah, I know it'll all be ok. But hopefully I can be sad now so when I see you for the last time, I'll be happy.
Heart,
Ng

[Hermione]

Dear A/P government teacher,
thank you sooooo much for giving me an A!!
love me

Dear Fox,

thanks for making the OC reruns for the next three weeks.. I hate you..
love me:mad:

[AllegroNg]

Dearest Surbhi,
You earned that A!
Heart,
Ng

[bealeblues]

dear memphis,

i'll see you tomorrow, but please don't make it so difficult for me to leave. you know you have my heart..... oh yeah, thanks for naming that street after me.

love,

beale

[red]

dear sky,
Even though you are overcast, thank you so much for showing me a breif rainbow. You started my day off right.
:D

[Frieda]

dear belly,

wtf man!! i thought you'd be empty by now!! :eek:

love,
frieda

[Frieda]

dear david hasselhoff,

please stop singing in german :)

thanks,

frieda

[priceyfatprude]

Dear Mother Nature,

Stop being such a frigid bitch.

Love,

Aimee

[Deviate]

Dear weather,

be warm while we sled. thanks.

-me.

Dear Angel,

get a fire under your ass.

-me.

[beckstra]

Albertson's Cashier Boy,
You dissapeared.
*sigh*

Dear My NEW Job,
Thanks for the great, consistant hours, health insurance, and amazing pay! Yourockdotcom!

Dear Creativity,
You've been peaking your head around again, haven't you? I like you...like *that*! Hehehehe...
Beck.

Dear Forthcoming Concert,
IEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!! !!!
~a fan~

Dear Smokers @ IHOP,
Ew.
Yeah.

[Deviate]

Dear Jed and Steve,

Thanks for taking a chance with me. I'm stoked to be in your group.

-me.

Dear Audience Members at Mick's,

Thanks for the gratuitous applause. Your checks are in the mail.

-me.

[Hermione]

Dear ze monkeys,

Thank you all sooooo much for making me laugh will all of your posts. I love coming to this board because all of you are soo nice, amusing, and interesting. I hope you all have a wonderful weekend!

Love surbhi

[Deviate]

Dear me,

some people suck. hookers suck. attention starved people suck.

just ignore them. and keep laughing.

signed,
um, me.

[bealeblues]

originally posted by surbhi
Thank you all sooooo much for making me laugh will all of your posts. I love coming to this board because all of you are soo nice, amusing, and interesting. I hope you all have a wonderful weekend!


what board are you talking about surbhi? *looking around*

[priceyfatprude]

Dear person who is farking w/the wikki:

:rolleyes:

-PFP

[priceyfatprude]

Dear Beloved Departed Family Members:

Nothing like taking recipes w/you to the grave. Oh wait, that's right, you couldn't have done that--that would mean that they were actually, at one point written down somewhere. :(

-me

[red]

Dear head,
Please stop hurting. you are making it difficult to work.
Thanks in advance for your time,
red

[chuckie egg]

Dear Red's Head,

Help her to remember painkillers. And the miracle of medicine? And feel better soon :)

Chuckie

[RuneT]

Dear brain. Try to be a bit more vivid so I have no idea whats real anymore.

Thanks.

[red]

Dear Chuckie,
Thank you so much for your letter to my head. I found my BC Powder and it seems to be working. I think I'll make it now.
WHEW!
~red

[Magpie]

Dear Children,

If you expose mommies dark side to your new playmates, their parents may not allow them to return. Mommy's unrequited love for Eddie Izzard and modeling past is not their business, nor is it "gross".

Thank you,
Mom

[priceyfatprude]

Dear world,

There is nothing wrong w/eating breakfast @ 5pm when you are unemployed.

Now will someone please explain that to my mother?

Love,

PFP

[Magpie]

Dear Prudey's Mom,

Haven't you ever experienced the freedom and carefree abandon of not having a job to get up for in the morning? Please know that this is only a phase that Prudey is experiencing and once you stop feeding her and she runs out of green olives, she'll get back to the responsible, respectable woman you're so very proud of.

If you have any questions, please don't hesitate to call,
Prudey's Life Coach

[chuckie egg]

Dear Boss,

Please stop playing that annoying game with the daft music, or at least turn the volume down?

PLEASE?!

*bangs head on desk*

[Deviate]

Dear People who have been so kind as to drop me messages asking me where i've been or what i've been up to:

i'm fine. just distracted recently. but by Thursday everything should be hammered out. hopefully the anxiety that has been swelling inside me for the past few days will have subsided by then.

anyway, miss yall too and i'll be back soon. billions of promise.

-me.

[maychorian]

Dear Gallbladder,

Die.

Thank you.

Love,
Laura

[AllegroNg]

To vacuuming dude at Kohls,
You do NOT need to be vacuuming the dressing room whilst wimmins are in there changing! **** OFF! Next time, you die.

Dearest new shirts I got from Kohls today,
God I love each and every one of you and I will wear you always:)

[Magpie]

Dear Pretty Blue Titanium screws in neck,

I love what you have done for me in the past - you've really been supportive of me. Although now, it would seem that you are vying for my attention by unscrewing yourself slowly but surely. This is really cramping my style. I promise to give you more attention in the way of massages, verbal praise, narcotics, etc...if you would kindly screw yourself back into where you belong.

Thank you,
Magpie's Pain Receptors

[AllegroNg]

Dearest Ze,
Hey, whatcha wearin? Somethin good, I'm sure. I will open mouth kiss you if you fix your ZEFRANK.COM and Zefrank.com-board links. I'll likely throw in some cool points, if I'm in a good mood!:)
Heart,
Ng

[Red Princess]

dear men (you know who i mean)
you are not such a big fvcking mystery, we know your secrets and most times we do not care. stop hiding behind a wall of self delusion, it is a deary bore. be real.
thanks, rp

[noxxville]

Dear noxx,

After learning of your dilema, I have decided to offer my services to you free of charge. By my estimate (reading from your letter) there are approximately 12 or so "jobs" that I will need to take care of upon my arrival at your workplace. It would be most efficient if we could gather these individuals in a rather secluded are of the building (if possible). Any storage closet or small meeting room would work nicely. That way we can "take care of business" rather quickly as this type of work tends to get rather messy if too much of a fight is put up, if you catch my drift.

I regards to methods, i was thinking something along the lines of placing just the right amount of "evidence" in one of their cubicles to make the whole thing look like a "murder/suicide". And we probably want to schedule this for about 2:30 or 3:00, since it seems most of these lazy bastards cut out about an hour early.

Cheers,

Isaac Turner
aka "The Happy 'Hitman'"

[Deviate]

dear inner-most me,

i don't know who or what you are yet. but dammit i want to find out. no matter how scary you might seem to be, to my society-conscious self or to others.

you're not scary. deep down, you're all i have. please come play.

don't be shy.

-leigh.

[AllegroNg]

Dearest Ng tummy,
Cool it, would you!?? Oh and get smaller:cool:

Dearest creep at grocery store,
Ever get the feeling that someone does not wish to speak to you, and wants you to leave them alone period?! No? Well, I wish you would.

Dearest Friend,
Yeah! Thank you for tryin to get me a job! I hope you're right! :kissies:

[Frieda]

dear foot,

heal, please! :)

love,
frieda

[Hermione]

Dear Frieda's foot,

I hope you get well soon!!

regards,
me

[Frieda]

dear surbhi,

thank you! :)
all the best for you too!

love,
frieda

[Deviate]

dear people,

talk to me, dammit.

thanks.
me.

[Frieda]

dear dev,

hello! :)

love,
frieda

[Deviate]

dear Freiday,

hey, sup? long time no see, eh?

-deev.

[Red Princess]

dear everyone,
i need a 6 string acoustic guitar if any one has one that needs a home i will happily pay shipping.
thanks
RP

[AllegroNg]

Dearest RP,
Duh I work at a music store and get hella good deals!:)

Heart,
Ng

[priceyfatprude]

Dear Gymnauseum Bitchez,

PLEASE RE-RACK YOUR OWN ****ING WEIGHTS.

Love,

PFP

[AllegroNg]

Dearest person with car alarm at 6:45am,
I hope something extraordinarily heavy falls on you.

[chuckie egg]

Dear RP,

I have three of the said instruments, and cant play any of them!

Though I suspect Ng's option may be cheaper..

[bealeblues]

dear mardi gras,

thanks for the day. sleep is good.



dear swamp,

be seeing you soon.



dear ocean,


be seeing YOU soon too....

[Frieda]

dear dev,

yes, it's been a while! :)

love,
frieda

[Red Princess]

dear sisters,
yes, you are loons too, i find that strangely comforting.thanks for calling.
rp

[Red Princess]

dear new designer,
you are forgetting the first rule of print design: do not annoy the service bureau and do not waste their time.
thanks,
rp

[rapscalious rob]

Dear RP:
It’s inevitable.
-RR

[Deviate]

Dear Miriam,

i love it when you come to sit on my lap, but i DON'T like it when you digyour claws into my thigh. stop it.

-me.

Dear Michael,

i'm not going to sleep with you, blow you or flirt with you. if you want me to femme it when i come into work you can go to hell. you're an asshole.

-me.

Dear Me,

stop worrying. stop solving other people's problems. love others. love yourself. oh, yeah, and get drunk. get blindly stupidly drunk. then wake up and apply for a new job.

-you.

[Frieda]

dear deutsche post,

hurry up, bitte! :)

love,
frieda

[Red Princess]

dear ptg#2,
thanks again for the speakers. what would you like in return?
rp

[dinzdale]

A night off

rgds
PTG#2

[bealeblues]

now THAT'S funny....

[Red Princess]

Originally posted by dinzdale
A night off

rgds
PTG#2

dear ptg#2,
not til it either falls off or breaks and i have no further use for you.
kisses, rp

[Red Princess]

ps. lick me

[dinzdale]

Again? My tongue feels furry and my ears are sore as fvck.

PTG Deux

[Red Princess]

have a beer and do what i tell you, there's a good ptg

[Frieda]

boy would i be surprised if dinz really turned out to be one of RP's PTGs

[bealeblues]

you would?

[Red Princess]

me too

[dinzdale]

Dear sleeping pills

Please make sure I take a bunch of you tonight, so I dont have to lay awake scared of THAT little surprise.

Thx
Dinz

[Red Princess]

dear dinz,
your application to be accepted into the royal order of ptg's has been declined. if you should acquire the necessary acessories your application will be reconsidered.

regrets,
rp

[dinzdale]

WHEEEEEWWWWWW!!!!

Dinz

[bealeblues]

dear dinz and RP,

just get room already....

but make sure the walls are soundproof and that it has no windows, for the love of god....

all the best,

beale

[Red Princess]

dear beale,
your application to join the royal order of ptg's had also been declined. all bribes and offerings are non-refundable. so sue me lawyer boy.
smoochies,
rp

[dinzdale]

Dear Beale
Where are you? You're always here by this time of day

Rgds

Abby Solut

[bealeblues]

dear rp,

apparently the 'application' was a forgery, and i suspect that if you take a closer look, it will contain far too many "j"s than are used in ordinary southern vernacular. nonetheless, i enthusiastically accept your decline of the forged instrument, and i assure you that the culprit will be introduced to the appropriate level of southern justice.

VTY,

beale

[bealeblues]

dear abby,

i'm coming to see you in a bit, my love, my one true love.....

kisses,

beale

[Red Princess]

dear abby,
beale has been cheating on you, he told us.
thought you should know.

rp

[bealeblues]

dear rp,

abby knows. she likes it 3-way. just thought you should know.

all the best,

beale

[dinzdale]

Did someone say three-way?

Love to join you, let us know where 'k?


Ginny, Tonique and Limey

[Red Princess]

dear beale.
you didn't tell her about ALL of the cheap hussies, did you?

rp

[bealeblues]

dear G,T, and L...

coming soon to a casino near you, or possibly a ballpark....

let me know your schedule,

abby

[dalang]

dear still-not-over job search,

thanks for the very tiny boost of resources in the form of a part-time job starting tomorrow. so pleased that the call came an hour after the bank transfer of the last few dollars of my savings into my student loans.

next time, don't cut it so freakin' close.
~me

[Red Princess]

dear dinz and beale,
a 3 way with the two of you and abby solute. get the camcorder!

rp

[masterofNone]

dear d'lang,
'bout freakin' time. ya bum.
yer pal

[priceyfatprude]

Dear Dalang,

Congrats! Send some of your mojo to me & rp? ;)



Dear Mom,

Glad you're feeling better. Love you.



Dear world,

I won a 5 min chat session w/my FAVORITE SAX PLAYER EVER. It starts in half an hour. Can I get a boo-yah?

[dalang]

dear pfp and rp,

I'll send any extra mojo I find lurking under my bed to both of you in the forms of blooming honeysuckle, cool liquor and warm breezes.

All tend to cheer up the minds of those who hire and those who need hiring.

~dalang

ps. boooooooooooooooooooooooooooo-yah!

[funkytuba]

Originally posted by bealeblues
dear abby,
i'm coming to see you in a bit, my love, my one true love.....
kisses,
beale

Dear abby,

Are you sure your last name's not 'normal'?

just curious,

--
FT

[Red Princess]

dear new designer,
yes you have an extra spot color in your file."wait a minute while i go check it"??? excuse me??? do you think i make this farking shxt up?
grrrrr.
rp

[nycwriters]

Dear life,

I don't quite know what I did to deserve this, but oh man if you were tangible, I'd kiss you full on.

Somehow you've managed to make all the planets align at one time and I'm incredibly grateful. Thank you.

Much love,

Me

[Coffee]

Dear NYC

Not sure what wonders life dished out for you...but it made my day to see something astronomically great happened for a great monkey such as yourself.

Thanks planets.

me.

[nycwriters]

Dear Coffee,

Awww, bless you! Thank you so much for the good thoughts. I'm going to hope these same planet alignments head your way too. If they do, prepare to be blown away. :)

Love,

Me

[Aphrodite]

Dear Tripod:

You are so easy to use it is a good thing, but when it comes to posting my images on zefrank....YOU SUCK!

I just went back and reposted my tripod pics as Angelfire pics. Grrr! I could see them just fine and thought everyone else did to.
I fixed my dog pic for Dev. My black and white pic for Frieda, and some others that were tripod too. Same pics but from a different source. Except the dog pic. I used a different dog pic. in the cat thread.

[priceyfatprude]

Dear Wolfgang Puck,

I love you. Come make breakfast for me anytime. Your omelette looks so good I almost licked the TV screen.

Love,

PFP

[Deviate]

Dear Staffing Services,

Thank you so much for being so helpful and so kind. I'm so relieved that I don't have to spend every moment of every day searching for a job. If you keep it up I'll be employed next week.

Yay!
-your money ticket

Dear Parents,

I really hope you're having a fun time in Mexico while I'm here taking care of your house. I just wanted to let you know that everything is going to hell in a handbasket while you're gone. Your beautiful home is now a hole. An Uber-Hole if you will.

Wish you were here,
your kid.

Dear PFP,

Buy some food and keep your damn tongue off-a me.

-the tv.

[maychorian]

Dear nyc,

I love your new avvy!

Love,
Maycho

Dear Coffee,

I miss the Elrond avvy! But this one is cool, too.

Love,
Maycho

Dear Maycho,

You have to find a better abbreviation for your username!

Love,
You know who

Dear life in general,

Stop piling things up on me!

Love,
Better Abbreviation than Maycho

Dear Self,

Stop putting things off!

Love,
The note two steps up from Do (a deer, a female deer)

Dear computer,

Stop distracting me!

Love,
The recipient of the previous letter

[rapscalious rob]

Dear Kucinich -

Better luck next time, eh? Voting behavior is so chaotic and bosonic - people’s vote in the primaries is always influenced by who looks more likely to win. I liked the idea of a department of peace. At least, hopefully we will unseat the usurper in the upcoming presidential election.

Dear Kerry -

Uproot the shrub.

[Coffee]

Dear G. Bush.

Please rememember the next time you put your thingy in your wife's back door, or your tongue in her thingy, that you are in serious jepordy of threatening the sanctity of marrige....since those particular acts seem to be the only things that could possibly be pointed out as potentially different between same sex and hetro-sex marrige...the way folks have sex, rather than the way folks love and support each other when they commit to "marrige".

Also please remember that you "supported terrorism" as a youth whilst putting white powder up your nose.

Also please keep in mind that your unathorized year off (AWOL)from your cozy military duty and free flight training in the Texas National Guard while poor folks were getting there asses and limbs shot and blown off in 'Nam makes you a virtual draft dodger as you prepare to institute a new Draft policy for the US military.

Also please remember that if you had been "convicted" of either of the two felonies mentioned just above this paragraph, you would not have been allowed to run for president of the U.S let alone hold the office.

And given all of the above please recognize that when you are shaving your face in the morning that you are basically shaving your ass.

Fark you.
Me.

[priceyfatprude]

Dear Coffee,


Ewwwwwwwww. Just. Ewwwwwwwww.

Do you think they still ****? And if you think about it at all, WHY?!?!?!?!?!

After all, everyone knows only Demorats EVER have sex, hahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA

Apparently I need some more of you.

-PFP

[Hermione]

Dear _______________ University,

Why haven't I heard from you?? everyone else has... I feel soo sad. Please please please please let me in your university. I hope to hear from you soon..

regards,
surbhi:(

[dinzdale]

Dear Surbhi

Thank you for your interest in a position here at McDonalds. Feel free to stop by so we can fit you for your hat.

Ronald M

[Hermione]

Dear Dinz,

hahahahaha :)

Regards,
surbhi

[Aphrodite]

Dear Best Friend:

Thanks for letting me drag you all over the falls last night taking pictures. Thanks for letting me pick you up at the train station so I could get some wicked shots of the full moon over the falls and over the river.

your best friend

Dear Niagara Falls

Thanks for being so fun to run around at night. Thanks for the lights and the gardens and the pathways. Thanks for the powerful falls and the amazing photo opportunities.

Your fan

Dear Body

Thanks for letting me walk around for hours at a time without causing me grief. Thanks for the three hour tour last night and the four hour walk today. Thanks for functioning without a struggle and I promise to do my best to care for you.

Your soul

[Deviate]

Dear Mar,

sorry i haven't called. i waited until you moved to New York to really want to jump your sh*t. i mean, i wanted to jump your sh*t before, but now i can't talk to you without thinking of anything else.

which is why i haven't called.

sorry.
-leigh.

[Hermione]

Dear University #5,

Thank you for accepting me. I won't attend your fine university... but the fact that you wanted to give me that much money to come to your school is an honor. Toodles..

regards,
me

[Magpie]

Dear Clipper,

What a fuzzy lovable addition you've been to our family. I'm glad we were able to rescue you and give you the caring home you so deserve. Although you owe us no debt, I would like to ask one teensy tiny little thing of you.... STOP CHEWING FVCKING DOOKIES!!!

Thank you poochie poo,
Me

[Coffee]

Originally posted by nycwriters
Dear Coffee,

Awww, bless you! Thank you so much for the good thoughts. I'm going to hope these same planet alignments head your way too. If they do, prepare to be blown away. :)

Love,

Me

Dear NYC,

I trullllly hope that "all" your hopes come true...but esp the one above.

Preparing myself for the possibility of getting blown away,
Coffee.
*heads off to take the measure of the planet's alignments*

[Red Princess]

dear new designer,
you are the most annoying person on the planet. it is not my job to train you, that is what the senior designer at your firm is for. if you call me with a stupid question one more time i will bill your employer for my time and knowing what a cheap b*stard he is he will fire you. step away from the phone, pick up a farking software manual and read it.

smoochies,
rp

[BellyButton]

Dear Every Guy I've Ever Dated and/or Been Interested In-
You've all screwed me up and caused me to have severe trust issues. For that, you suck. :mad:
Molly


Dear Mom-
Thanks for being such a controlling obsessive freak, you psycho!
Molly


Dear Dad-
Thanks for taking my side in most of the big arguements with mom.
Molly


Dear Guy that works at PacSun whose name I don't know yet-
Whatcha doin` this weekend? ;)
Molly


Dear Future Therapist-
Please read above letters. The information contained in them will probably save me months of therapy sessions of you trying to pry that information out of me.
Molly

[Red Princess]

dear bartender from last night,
you should really have cut me off.
rp


dear ptg#3,
.........ummmm, OMG.

rp

[Deviate]

Dear PTG#3,

Run now, while you still can. She'll have you tied up in a closet with your knickers in shreds in no time.

-a concerned party

[Frieda]

dear lungs,

CALM DOWN!!

thanks..

love,
frieda

[Red Princess]

dear ptg#3,
do not listen to her. i will cause no permanent damage, i promise

rp

[bealeblues]

dear ptg 3:

are you the sum of ptg 1 and ptg 2? please advise.

curiously,

beale

[Red Princess]

dear beale,
it is chronological.
ptg#3

[Hermione]

Dear other first choice university,

why haven't you notified me yeT?!!?!? PLEASEEEE... tell me!! AHHH!!!!!!! I'm going to get the job at McDonald's if you don't tell me soon!!!!! please let me know soon..:(

Regards,
me


Dear fellow students,

sucks you didn't get into UCLA

Regards,
me

[dinzdale]

Dear Aud

we hereby serve notice for our claim of damages, to wit, the lost tourist revenue and copywrite infringement directly attributable to your new wall.


Regards

China

[Deviate]

Dear Whoopi,

Thanks.

-me.

[funkytuba]

Dear Boss,

I'm glad that you're on vacation tomorrow and tuesday. I'll probably blow off work tomorrow and play golf, and on tuesday, I'll send a bunch of emails to make it look like I was busy, and then skive the day away playing with Little Funky and updating my resume to look for another job.

Hoping you're having fun down in May hee koh.
--FunkyTuba

[Audreyvgs]

Dear China

All damage claims will have to be taken up with my husband who has tried to usurp my authority in the building of this wall. Well, not authority, but quality. He has taken it upon himself to one up this self-appointed mason and show said mason that she has not thought out the construction as well as she should or could have. Upstart has obviously done this before, and said self-appointed mason knows that if upstart builds the wall, he will not be working on the cabinets for her studio, which upsets her more than having an ugly wall. Carpenter/husband/upstart has no business workin on the wall, but mason thanks upstart for starting a new section correctly, in order to get show on the road. Carpenter/husband/upstart knows that if momma aint happy, aint nobody happy, and I assume its the same in China.

[sparticle]

Dear Teenagers and Sermonator:

Thank you so much for getting the hell out of the house so I can have it to myself and get my work done. I love you all very much but sometimes I just want to put all your crap on the front lawn in Hefty bags and change the locks.

Love,

Mommie Dearest

(Confidential to the Sermonator: It is TOO. This, posted in a public place, hereby counts as the Official Last Word, and since you are in an internet-free environment five miles away and have never heard of zefrank.com, I stand a fair shot at winning this one.)

[Dark Chocolate]

Dear Aimee:

I really do love you.

love,

Dark Chocolate

[Hermione]

Dear me,

why didn't you get in?

regards,
me

[priceyfatprude]

Dear Dark Chocolate:

That is more than evident, from the way you cling to my thighs.

Love,

Aimee

[priceyfatprude]

Dear Surbs,

Sorry to hear it.

*hugs*

-me



Dear Carson Daly,

I used to hate you. Now I just feel sorry for you. I wonder if anyone's ever told you, your show is on a one-week tape delay here in Milwaukee? I wonder if it's that way in the rest of the country? Ah well. I wish you the best. You whoremonger.

Love,

PFP

[madasacutsnake]

Dear PFP

Whenever any-one talks about Milwaukee, I think of Happy Days, not Carson.

Best Regards,

Snake

[sparticle]

Originally posted by priceyfatprude
Dear Dark Chocolate:

That is more than evident, from the way you cling to my thighs.

Love,

Aimee

LMAO....

[priceyfatprude]

Dear Donald Trump:

You are Donald Farking Trump

You have more money than God.

PLEASE DO SOMETHING ABOUT THAT HAIR!!!!!!!!!!!!


Love,

Aimee


PS Your sons are hottttt.

[Hermione]

Originally posted by priceyfatprude
Dear Surbs,

Sorry to hear it.

*hugs*

-me

Dear PFP,

Thank you soo much! :)

love me

[Frieda]

dear self,

yes, you need 3-day-weekends to relax. maybe you should drink less on fridays, that'll leave saturday morning AND afternoon open to do stuff. wouldn't that be great?

love,
me.

[nycwriters]

Dear freshdirect.com,

I love you. You are fantastic.

Love,

Me

[Abby Normal]

Dear Adam of Average Joe,

If you've been on reality TV twice, and everyone knows who you are, AND you've got loads of women fawning and fighting over you, how does that make you average? Your name's not even Joe, for heaven's sake! I suppose you could change it, but that really wouldn't count, because you weren't born with the name. I know the guy on "Joe Millionaire" wasn't named Joe either, but that was Fox, and since Fox is kind of a dumb network, they can get away with it. But NBC has somewhat of a reputation, and they should have been able to afford a real guy named Joe. What're you playing at, I ask you?

Sincerely,

Me

[rapscalious rob]

Dear Lurkers:

It’s amazing just how much you can find out, isn’t it? There is more information than you could possibly process in your lifetime. Your work is cut out for you. Have a ball. I like to think that what goes around comes around.

Sincerely,

Rap Rob

[Deviate]

Dear Abby,

Lay off my boy Adam.

-dev.

[madasacutsnake]

Dear Frieda,

If you drank less we would have less funny stories involving duct tape and office equipment.

Snake

[priceyfatprude]

Originally posted by Abby Normal
Dear Adam of Average Joe,

If you've been on reality TV twice, and everyone knows who you are, AND you've got loads of women fawning and fighting over you, how does that make you average? Your name's not even Joe, for heaven's sake! I suppose you could change it, but that really wouldn't count, because you weren't born with the name. I know the guy on "Joe Millionaire" wasn't named Joe either, but that was Fox, and since Fox is kind of a dumb network, they can get away with it. But NBC has somewhat of a reputation, and they should have been able to afford a real guy named Joe. What're you playing at, I ask you?

Sincerely,

Me

Dear Abby,

You should be less mortified that his name isn't Joe & more upset that he is anything but 'Average'--he's a Wall Street Whiz Kid worth about a million bucks.

-me

[noxxville]

L

that gets me though the day just fine.

[Abby Normal]

dear pricey,

I heard that somewhere. I'm wondering why a rich, reasonably good-looking guy would have to go on a reality show to get women. He lives in a city of millions, for heaven's sakes! Shouldn't be that hard.

Abby

[priceyfatprude]

Dear WalMart, Kmart, et all,

$11 is not a clearance price.

Love,

PFP

[xfox]

Dear NBR,

Thank you! Thank You! I just loved the 16th minute of your show tonight!

Your faithful viewer,
x

[nycwriters]

Originally posted by Abby Normal
dear pricey,

I heard that somewhere. I'm wondering why a rich, reasonably good-looking guy would have to go on a reality show to get women. He lives in a city of millions, for heaven's sakes! Shouldn't be that hard.

Abby

Dear Abby,

Dating in New York is a beast unlike any you've ever met before in your life. It's next to impossible to meet a decent and "normal" person -- because the city attracts the best and brightest, you've got a city filled with a-type personalities.

Here and there, you can find a gem, but it's hard.

Love,

Me

[Coffee]

Dear friends of my parents.

Would you please learn how to use the BCC field of your email system when you forward stupid emails with attachements to other folks that are also prone to opening suspicious looking emails with attachments...so my email adress is not broadcast to god knows who when it is hacked by a virus.


sincerly.
sick of spam.

[Abby Normal]

dear NYC,

Thanks for straightening me out.

Me

[Hermione]

dear head

stop hurting

love me

[RuneT]

Dear life.

Fwking show yourself.

Love, me

[Red Princess]

dear monkeys,
hello there. remember me?
rp

[topcat]

dear rp, i remember you, how have you been?

[Red Princess]

dear monkeys.
better. thanks for asking
rp

[lapietra]

hi rp...

wanna see some kitty pics?

kitty pics (http://www.mariannestone.com/schroeder.html)

Love,
Lala

p.s. It's a little sad ('cos they're of Schroeder) but he's very cute, too...

[Red Princess]

gotta love those kitty pics

[Audreyvgs]

Dear Rune,

I thought you'd run off with RP

[Red Princess]

dear aud.
he can only wish
rp

[funkytuba]

dear rp,

rp who?


:p


Glad you're doing better. Hope the collective idiot karma of your designers and my clients come back around to them soon.


--FunkyTuba

[priceyfatprude]

Dear freshdirect.com,

I love you. You are fantastic.

Love,

Me


Dear Lazybones Jones:

FreshDirect? Is there no Gristedes in your new neighborhood? Remember @ the Gristedes by UCB how that guy Billy was staring? :)

Love,

me

[Deviate]

Dear Me -

get off your ass!

-me

[nycwriters]

Originally posted by priceyfatprude
Dear Lazybones Jones:

FreshDirect? Is there no Gristedes in your new neighborhood? Remember @ the Gristedes by UCB how that guy Billy was staring? :)

Love,

me

Dear Sarcasmo,

No, Gristedes is more than 12 blocks away. There are no grocery stores outside of "bigger" bodegas within a six block radius of my apartment.

Freshdirect delivers for $4. You can beat that. Plus everything's fresh and wonderful. I can't say enough good things about them.

Love,

Me

[Dark Chocolate]

Dear RP:

I fill my head with wishes of sweetness for you every day.

Love,

DC

[nycwriters]

Dear Lord,

I know I asked for things to be busy, but I didn't expect you to take me so literally.

Still, I suppose it's better than twiddling my thumbs. But I'm gonna be busier than a one-armed paper hanger all night.

Love,

Me

[Hermione]

Dear Principal of my school,

I like/respect you.. but believe me.. it's hard when you act like such a BITC*. if you didn't flaunt your BMW around.. maybe everyone else would like you too.

regards,
me

[Audreyvgs]

Dear Bink, You've done a really good job so for, cept for that one time you told Parrish Spaulding Bullsh*t but your teacher forgave you because you picked the one and only kid in your school whos dad says that to him..(otherwise you'd of given some other kid a heart attack)......................but Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeese don't swear in school, they have a no-tolerance policy, and I don't know shiit about home schooling. Obviously.
Love, Mom

[dinzdale]

Dear Master Bink,
thank you for enrolling in Swear-by-Mail.
Your words for this week are twat, cooter and bell-end. Enjoy.

Rgds
Prof. Dinzdale McKnob

[sparticle]

HAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!

[lapietra]

Dear Zemonkeys -

I love you all dearly, even the ones I've fought with. Thanks for being such a great group of people. And to that latter group - thanks for getting along ;) *smooch* Glad things are going well for you.

Love,
Lala

[AllegroNg]

My fellow monkeys (who I adore and read all the time):
No more Noxxes!!!!!!! Pleeease no more Noxxes!!! Nooo more Noxxes:(:(:(
Heart,
Ng

PS-but more Noxx, please:cool:

[rapscalious rob]

Dear Dark Chocolate:

I’m so sorry I bought you then left you in the car. You solidified okay when I moved you carefully to the fridge and every effort was made not to spill you. Nonetheless, you haven’t been the same since then. I don’t love you any less, even though you don’t look quite the same.

Sincerely,

Rob

[Red Princess]

dear dark chocolate,
did i miss something while i was sleeping? can you do something about these knotted muscles between my shoulders?
rp

[Dark Chocolate]

Originally posted by Red Princess
dear dark chocolate,
did i miss something while i was sleeping? can you do something about these knotted muscles between my shoulders?
rp

Anytime of the day or night, honey.
I have strong hands and know how to use them.

[nycwriters]

Dear life,

Thank you so much for the photo of the hermaphrodite and his/her lover's white ass -- up the tree in Central Park having sex for four hours -- for everyone to see.

God bless NYC. You've shown me some bizarre things.

Love,

Me

[Red Princess]

dear valued print customer,
you knew that was an unrealistic deadline. shame on you for being so mean to a bunch of paople who really busted ass to get your job done at least close to your idiotic time frame. next time, go cuddle a cactus you wankers.
rp


why are my shoulders still knotted up?

[Audreyvgs]

Dear Dinz,

Avalon has told me that the word for the week is ShitWeasel.
Last week it was Catbelly's AssHat.

Public School should be an adventure! At least Bink's equipped now.




ps....bell-end? Huh? oooooo dont make me visualize~~!

[rapscalious rob]

Dear Harley Quinn:

Have fun. Don’t eat too much fromage!

miles of smiles,

R.

[Klynne]

This is a letter I received yesterday from my co-workers daughter. Kelsey is 7 years old and a neat kid. She asked her mom about me, and Kelly knew I was having a rough time, and she told her daughter that I was sad. Her daughter wrote me the following letter:

Kay God will love you all the time.

For Kay

From Kelsey

P.S.

I hope you are having a good day!

Her letter made my day!

[Aphrodite]

Dear Me:

Thank you for finally doing your taxes. It was very responsible of you. Maybe you'll remember how good you feel at tax time next year and do it again.

Maybe if you open your mail when you get it instead of letting it all build up you won't have so much trouble sleeping.

Maybe you would have been able to use the check you found this morning by accident and put it to use preventing late payment fees. (It was for $1000.00 Nice Surprise!!!)

Maybe you should give the tax guy a warning to eat his wheaties before you walk in and say I need to have my taxes done... then proceed to hand him the stubs and T4's for 2000, 2001, 2002, and 2003. Crap! Am I so irresponsible?

signed.
Me

Dear Me
Grow up!!!

[Spicy Jack]

Dear Spicy,

Hi. It's me....you. Yep, you are great, you know that. I like you most of all. You're so smart and you always have the best ideas. I like the way you think. It's like you got it all figured out. Now stop talking to yourself and get another drink.

Love,

Spicy Jack

[priceyfatprude]

Dear Taco John's,

They're called napkins. You might want to look into them. :mad:

-PFP

[Avalon]

To My Beloved Husband,
Thankyou.
I do not tell you thankyou enough. You are my rock. You take everything I throw at you in stride, you let me rant,cry, piss, and moan. You spoil me rotten, but you know when to say no.
You let me play with my friends. You take me on dates. You take an ark full of animals to the vets alone. You play referee when Erica and I are at each other's throats. You are a wonderful husband, a remarkable dad, and an outstanding Papa.
To top it all off..you are still cute as hell.
Now, if you would just pick up your dirty clothes..you would be perfect!!!:rolleyes:

OKAY..maybe not perfect..but perfect for me. IF you want to be perfect..FINISH ALL THE WORK YOU HAVE STARTED IN THIS HOUSE!!
But alas..you have told me you are not aiming for perfection:p

[Hermione]

Dear best friend,

I hope I can see you when I come to england!!!

love love love
me

[Abby Normal]

Dear creepy stalker boy,

Hi. Please stop stalking me. It's weird and you're freaking me out. You've not started calling my house yet, but if you do, I'll call the cops. Stop trying to talk to me, please.

Sincerely,
Me, the person you've been stalking.

[dinzdale]

Dear Daverbee,
it has come to our attention that the woodshop is now being used by someone in a purple leotard, practicing what can only be described as lewd gyrations resmebling a water buffalo in the later stages of a particularly difficult labour.
Please stop.
Think of the children.

Principal Skinner.

[Hermione]

Originally posted by Abby Normal
Dear creepy stalker boy,

Hi. Please stop stalking me. It's weird and you're freaking me out. You've not started calling my house yet, but if you do, I'll call the cops. Stop trying to talk to me, please.

Sincerely,
Me, the person you've been stalking.


OMG!!! there is a boy at my school that is doing the same thing to meee!! I've never met this boy before in my life.. and he comes up to me and says hello and starts a conversation.. he even knows my name!! He also knows my other best friend's name.. it is creeeeepyyy!!

[Abby Normal]

dear surbhi,

Thank you for the sympathy. It is much appriciated.

Sincerely,
Me, your fellow stalkee.

[Frieda]

Originally posted by surbhi
OMG!!! there is a boy at my school that is doing the same thing to meee!! I've never met this boy before in my life.. and he comes up to me and says hello and starts a conversation.. he even knows my name!! He also knows my other best friend's name.. it is creeeeepyyy!!
i bet he has the worst crush on you you can imagine, and that he's done research with friends because he was too shy.. and now he's taking this big step of talking to you..

either that, or he's a freak ;)

[dinzdale]

Dear Master Bink,
This week's words from Swear-by-Mail should be arriving soon.
As you have applied for advanced profanity, your extra words will be fanny, cocksnot and beef drapes.
Best of luck and keep on cussing.

Rgds
Prof. Dinzdale McKnob

[Hermione]

Dear A/P test,

Please don't be too hard!!!

love me

[Magpie]

Dear Lying Sack of Shite,

This letter is to bring to your attention you are completely TRANSPARENT. You may now stop cease and desist your cowardly attempts to keep me in the dark, string me along, cover your tracks and flat out lie to me and my children.

When this charade ends, how you will ever explain reality to all those of us who you are currently lying to... is beyond me.

I don't envy you. I don't like to be lied to and I tend to get pretty cranky when manipulated. One only needs to imagine how pissy I become when someone fvcks with my children. I hope you are enjoying your day, because your night is going to suck.

Have a nice day,
Me :)

[lapietra]

Dear Lying Sack of Shite,

I don't envy you. One whit.

Best regards,
Lala

[xerocs]

Dear Monkeys,

Thank you for everything that you have done the entire time that I have been over here. Thank you for caring.

-X

Dear X,

Stop trying so farking hard to make your life work... and stop going for those kind of women. Enjoy life for what it is and stop trying to make it what it isn't. Stop being scared and start relaxing. Stop wearing your heart on your sleeve and remember that nice guys finish last. What happened to you? You are not the person that I remember... I still love you though.

-X

[Frieda]

dear friend,

you are betraying me and i am a fool for believing you. i feel like you are in your dreamworld but i am real. i cannot be in two places. it hurts.

i wish you good luck, i am sorry i cannot be there for you like this.

love,
me

[Frieda]

dear friend,

fvck off.

me

[Hermione]

Dear Frieda's friend..

i second that..

me


Dear a/p gov test..

please don't be too difficult..

me

[weissenflatz]

Dear Monkeys,

It's a jungle out there,
and I guess that's were we feel at best.

Take care!

Weissenflatz

[Frieda]

dear fellow monkeys,

thank you :)

love,
me

[priceyfatprude]

Dear Diamondbacks,

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Love,

the Milwaukee Brewers

[Deviate]

Dear Bizarre Twist of Fate,

THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU!

-me.

p.s. now keep it up.

[Clytie]

Dear Really Long Work DAy,
Please dont stretch out endlessly before me.
Please end before 12 hours.
Please be merciful.
~Cly

[Hermione]

Dear head,

please stop hurting

Love, me

[Deviate]

dear stomach,

i'm done drinking for the week, alright? enough of your bitching.

-me.

[lapietra]

Dearest fellow monkeys,

Come back from lunch or wherever the heck you are and post something, dammit!

Love,
Lala.

[dinzdale]

Dear Lala

Payshuns is a virtue


signed the lazy fat monkeys after lunch :)

[red]

headache,

go away. I need to work and you are distracting me.

thanks in advance
red

[lapietra]

Dear red,

I'm sorry - I'll just go bother someone else.
See how easy that was? Only for you.

Love,
Headache

[dinzdale]

Dear Red

now that Headache has gone can I come and visit?



Love
the Shits

[Aphrodite]

Dear owner of the farmhouse;

Please read the email and decide that I am the exact person who should get the house.

Thanks

[lapietra]

Dear red,

OOOOOOO!!! Can I come too?!?!

Fondly,
Giggles

[priceyfatprude]

Dear John Mayer,

I am in love with your voice. You could put out CD's of you singing instruction manuals and I would still buy them. It's the voice! It's the voice!!!!! AAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!! TOO. MUCH. SEXY!

*head explodes from the sexy*

Love,

the blond girl in row 11 from July 2.

[priceyfatprude]

Dear Beckstra,

This is one of my favorite threads ever.

*hugs*

-priceyfatty

[AllegroNg]

Dearest Boss,
You need to get the **** off my back and leave me the **** alone. This is not my god damned fault. If you're being an ass so I'll leave my job sooner, then THANK YOU!!!

Dearest Hawaii,
See you soon, raccoon

Dearest 419eater.com dude,
+ 495 cool points

[Frieda]

dear friend,

i'm stuck with my feelings. i'm jealous and happy at the same time. you know what happened to me. i can't handle it, i have to let it go, but all i do is act like shit towards you. i'm sorry, rereading this thread i can't believe all this crap is still going on. i also can't believe i still haven't said it to you, or told anyone else, not even my closest friends.

i guess i'm weak. i can't let go.

foolish for loving you,

me.

[Coffee]

Dear Love.

What the fark is your problem? Why do you make us love people that treat us like shit.
Hate doesn't make us hate folks that treat us nice. Why can't you be more like hate. Please stop making us have innapropriate feelings towards people that don't deserve it.

Me.

[red]

Dear Carrie
You suck. It was nice you wanted to clean out the disgusting fridge, but it wasn't Friday and you didn't tell anyone. You just threw everything away. No there isn't anything "comparable" to my rock n' serve tupperware. I want that brand to replace the one you threw away. I'm not even going to request compensation for the three containers of yogurt and the bag of baby carrots you tossed as well. I just want the fvcking tupperware replaced. That shit is expensive. I don't care if you have to buy a whole set to replace the one item you tossed. Do it. asshole.
Thanks ever so much,
red

[red]

Dear Carrie,
You are forgiven. Thank you for the case of yogurt and the 54 piece rubbermaid set. Yes, you are right, it isn't tupperware, but I'll make an exception in your case.
I bet you won't forget to tell me when you decide to clean the fridge out next time.
red

[lapietra]

Dear Carrie -

Wow - you rock. A lotta people would have just been a big jerk about it...but you did the right thing. Thanks for being good to our red. We loves her bunches.

Sincerely,
Monkeys

[Frieda]

dear friend,

so it's going to be a life full of worries.. i'm so sorry. i hope you can get strength out of all the good things of life.

love,
me

[rapscalious rob]

Dear copper:

I’m sure you found it amusing to follow me that far. Ha ha ha.

-Not amused.

[madasacutsnake]

Dear Carrie,

You're lucky that you did that to Red and not me. Because if you did it to me I would serve you up revenge on ice with a twist of bitter lemon.

Love,

Snake.

[nycwriters]

Dear Carrie,

Do you read this board?

Love,

Me