Letters that get me through the day.

[imdrsmooth]

Dear Stu,

Call me back about the job in LA.

Thanks,

Daniel

[AllegroNg]

Dearest Monkeys,
Talk to you in a few weeks!:cool:
Lurve,
Ng

Dearest tall muscular tan Hawaii-ian man wearing nothing but a thong who will hand feed me grapes,
Get the grapes.
Heart,
Ng

[Aphrodite]

Dear AllegroNg

How big is your suitcase?

[madasacutsnake]

Dearest tall muscular tan Hawaii-ian man wearing nothing but a thong who will hand feed me grapes, Get the thong off.
Heart,
Ng

[priceyfatprude]

Originally posted by Red Princess
dear monkeys
it was fun.
good bye
rp wtf?

[zenbabe]

not again!

[melissa]

Dear fleas,
I sure hope I killed you all this time. I'm having a house full of family and friends this weekend and I really don't want my guests to feel uncomfortable due to flea bites. Who knows who will need to spend the night after the party, I'd hate it if they became hosts to parasitic critters.

You've been in my house for way too long. You were never welcome here and I'm sick of putting up with you. Please let the flea bombs kill you.

Thanks,
m

[zenbabe]

Dear GBF..I miss you dearly..but thank you for letting me stay at yoru house while you are on your cruise!

I love you (http://www-personal.umich.edu/~mcneal/mirror/gb_medium.html)

And I promise to take care of your cats!

[melissa]

Dear Country Lesbians,
I sure hope you like my boyfriend. He treats me real good and makes me laugh and is really smart and sassy. I'm planning on keeping him for as long as I can. But it would be great if you liked him too. Keep me posted, ok?

m

[Frieda]

dear friend,

so you said it today. you brought it up. not me. should i believe you? is it really life that does this? is it me? is it you? is it just an excuse? what do you want me to do? what do i want myself to do?

confused,
me

[melissa]

Dear BF,
Thanks so much for only getting 4 hours of sleep last night so you could make dinner for my family. I can't believe how great you are.

Love,
m

ps: I think they like you.

[red]

dear Saturday,
Thanks for being a great day.
xxoo
red

[madasacutsnake]

Dear Av's MIL,

I always think that cremation is more eco-friendly than burial. You might want to consider,

Snake xxx

[zenbabe]

Dear J,

You crack me up!

HAHHAHAHHAHAHHA!

I love you

[Audreyvgs]

noxx

[beckstra]

Dear DC,
I am coming in November. Please be nice and Autumn-ish so I can wear sweaters and jeans and my newly knit scarf and stroll around the mall without an overcoat. Also, please let me into the White House, cause I want in.

Dear Creative Ideas,
I'm not saying stop or slow down, but please write and paint yourselves. You're frustrating me.

Dear Sugar-Sugah,
I don't miss you as much as I miss chocolate. In fact, I don't miss you as much as I thought I would. I mean, yes, I still yell at my dad when he eats ice cream in front of me, but mostly it's just because it annoys me. So, to you I say, HA! Fruit is all I need.

Dear Calories,
I hate math, but I appreciate the need for it when it comes to you.

Dear Lower Half,
Please catch up to the top half. You are moving too slow. You are gigantic and need to...you know...catch up to what's happening above my waistline and what's happening to my stomach.

Dear Kristina,
Why yes, yes I am. Thank you for noticing.

Dear The Day Shift,
I like you, like *that!* The only problem is it is my weekend and I woke up at 0900! AARRGGGGHHHHH!!!

Dear Monkeys,
You are fun.

[trisherina]

Dear Rat,

Thanks for suggesting we take our bikes and Katie to the park today. It was a beautiful day, and I always love watching how much Kate enjoys trotting along next to my bike, her tongue lolling out.

Thanks for taking me by the hand at the playground and saying, "Come on! I'll show you what it feels like to be a child again!" and taking me ceremoniously to each piece of playground equipment in turn.

Thanks for sharing your sour Skittles and ice water with me, and pointing out the way our newly polished pink and purple toenails looked so twinkly in the sand.

Thanks for reminding me to tuck my GameBoy in my shoulder bag so that I'd have something to do while you ran amok post-Skittles.

And thanks for the big hug at the end of all that, and for telling me that I am the world's best mom.

Love,
Mom

P.S. Where did you come from?

[lapietra]

Dear Alternate Supervisor,

I don't like working for you. I wasn't sure what the others were talking about before, but now I know. I'm glad you're not my real boss.

Your way of communicating makes me very anxious and I'm not sure I'm doing things right, which makes it hard to concentrate, and then I get more anxious. You really need to warm it up a bit, and not be so darn controlling.

If I thought I had to work for you all the time, I'd be pretty upset and I think I would have to find another job. I hope my boss's management techniques rub off on you more. I like working for her.

Sincerely,
Lala

[melissa]

Trisherina,
Your post made me cry. That sounds lovely. Thanks for sharing.

[trisherina]

Awww, thanks, Melissa. It's not me deserving credit, though, it's her.

[melissa]

I think it's both of you.

[melissa]

Dear Melissa,
You need to realize that as long as you live with someone else, the kitchen isn't going to be as clean as you want it to be. Get over it.

Common Sense

[Simage]

From: simage <simage@simage.mine.nu>
To: God <god@heaven.net>
Subject: World Management
Date: Mon, 23 Aug 2004 00:25:08 -0600

Dear sir

It would please me greatly to be informed of the long term goals of your current management policies. The rich seem only to get richer and the poor poorer while those of us in the middle barely scrape by. why is it that when I work over time the government gets more money from my hard work than I do, when I get a raise why are my cheques smaller? why do you allow one nation to impose its will on the entire world. how is this state of being your will? what father, were he all powerful, would allow children to shoot each other in our schools? are you actually out there listening, or are you a construct of Rome, perpetuated down thru the ages. or are you just a powerless fraud only answering the heavenly phones while your boss is on holiday??

respectfully

Deeply concerned



<preaching>these are not my actual views on these matters or one gods involvement or apparent lack thereof in them. I do beleive he has a plan for each and every one of us, and that the difficulties in the world are only meant to strengthen us,but sometimes I have to vent... let it all out and remind myself to have faith that he has his reasons, and those reasons encompass the good of all mankind</preaching>

[priceyfatprude]

Dear Low-Carb Assholes,

You are ruining my grocery store. Kindly follow a diet that lets you eat from all 4 food groups & GET OFF YOUR ARSES & EXERCISE!!!

Love,

PFP

[Audreyvgs]

Dear Papers on my Desk.

I've had it with you, you are suffocating me. You get here uninvited, yet you keep coming. I can't tell who is important and who isn't anymore, so you force me into inaction, and now you are so many that I am totally paralyzed with the thought of dealing with you.

I clean the kitchen, and somehow you end up here. WHO ARE YOU AND WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME!!???! I hate you for your clever reproduction while i'm sleeping. I hate you for causing my claustrophobia. I hate you because I have to keep some of you for proof of what it is i don't know for the government, should they want to poke their nose in here.

I would like you to each decide where you go. I would like you to get into all those folders and plastic boxes that I bought, and then, I would like you to heave yourselves into the storage area, where I'll never have to look at you again, and if I do, I'd like you to write a list on top of your plastic box, so that I can easily retrieve you.

You have tormented me for years, and I am tired of it. Audrey

[RuneT]

Morning aud!

Hear hear!

I wish i could afford a personal accountant, cleaner and a lawyer do do the shit.
mmm yeah.

[Clytie]

http://www.julen.net/cfp/alphabet/digital/img/e.gif

[Audreyvgs]

My sister has threatened to hire a personal organizer for me, either that or a psychiatrist. This procrastination is becoming a disease. hahaha

We can't be good at everything, now can we. :rolleyes:

[Audreyvgs]

Your pM box is full, Clytie!

[funkytuba]

Dear colleague,

I'm actually quite happy that you have found another job. That ROCKS. I'll make my life hell for the next while, but I think it's great that you're moving up.

Hopefully mgmt will take this as yet another sign that they need to make some substantial changes to the way things are done here and actually change things.

yeah right

Sincerely,

FT

[Zaftig]

The following is an actual letter I got today from a good friend and old roommate from college. We haven't seen each other in years but Echo seems to be just as wacky as she was back then. She sent this to the 3 other roommies. Mind you she is dead serious in this letter. . .she doesn't care about grammar at all. . this is Echo 100%. . man, I miss her!

so the first days of classes are good i have a self defence class that is good. the teacher is a karate guy so we look like jackie chan. it is pretty cool. now when i get mad at casey i can give him a black eye. oh and i tell me teachers to call me she-ra instead of echo. some of them didnt think that wasnt too funny. evryone else did. the thing was i was serious . they just dont undertand the fact that i am echo. oh well they will just hafta deal with my exotic ways.
they will regret they let me into there classes. i am only taking 7 credtis due to the fact of the pell grant money and i am trying to get more hours at work so it isnt a bad semester. i am just playing having fun. like i did at ricks. this time i actually have a few classes i hafta stufy for. but it is stuff i like so it isnt too bad. it is weird to compare this place to ricks i see someone smoking and i am like hey i will turn you into the deen. or there is skanky skanky dress harldy any clothes on girls i am like they are so gettitng kicked our of school. then i forget that it is ok to be skanky here funny i have been here for a year but i still think that sometimes. anyways. i miss you all
love the master of the universe.

[Hermione]

Dear JK Rowling,

Please hurry up with the sixth book

regards,
me

[priceyfatprude]

Dear Taco Bell,

You sick fabulous bastards. I love that even though it's not on the menu, you will still make me a Cheesy Gordita Crunch, also known as the NACO!!!!!!

Love,

PFP




Dear Pants,

I am sorry you are getting tighter. :(

Hatefully yours,

PFP

[red]

Dear work,
Ease up will ya?
best,
red

Dear Tracey,
I can't believe you are leaving. Take me with you, oh wait, nevermind. I need maternity leave, all four weeks of it.

[red]

Dear work,
Apparently you did not recieve my last letter. You are smothering me.
BACK OFF!
wearily,
red

[priceyfatprude]

Dear Toaster,

You & me
We used to be together
Every day together
Always

I really feel
That I'm losin
My best friend
I can't believe
This could be
The End

It looks as tho
You're
Letting go
And if it's real
Well I dont want to knowwwwwwwwwww


We've been together 10 years. I loved you. Thru thick & thin you've been there. 1/3 of my life I've spent with you.

But then you did the unthinkable.

You ruined my rye toast. The good kind, without the seeds!!! How could you? I thought I meant something to you.

So tomorrow I'm going out to look for your replacement. Younger, much better looking, and with a heating element that knows when to stop.

I'm sorry it had to come to this. And it breaks my heart. I hope you can find it in your heart one day to forgive me.

Fondly,

Aimee

[melissa]

Dude, Aimee. You're cruel.

[Hyakujo's Fox]

Dear H Fox,

Stop faffing around.

Your humble servant,
H Fox

[Hermione]

Dear Political Philosophy book,

Why are you so mundane?


-s to the urbhi

[trisherina]

To whom it may concern,

Just because your life is miserable and you're irritable, these facts DO NOT give you free rein to try and inflict your mood on others.

I for one refuse to be drawn in.

Oh yes! And go screw yourself.

Yrs,
Trish

[Deviate]

Dear Seattle,

Thank you. For being so welcoming, for being so accepting, for offering wonderful weather to greet my visit. Thank you for your wonderful community, for your incredible, much-needed conference, and for the marvelous organizations to support it all. Thank you for your salmon, your booze, and your amazing sushi. But most of all, thank you for your ambassador, her company, and her amazing hospitality.

It was wonderful.

-deev.

[trisherina]

Dear Kitchen Craft,

You can't install drawers that stop where plumbing outlets for the bar begin. Especially since the fixtures aren't even attached yet. How could no one have noticed this while they were installing it all and drilling holes and whatnot?

Are your installers blind, or merely brainless? Were their parents closely related? Did they have a liquid lunch? Did their mothers use crack whilst pregnant? Have they had carnal relations with small helpless animals in the recent past? Do they subsist on a diet principally composed of earwax and eye crusts? Are they mesmerized by their own reflections? Can they tell a coccyx from an antecubital fossa? Do they belong to a cult composed entirely of brightly-clad, drooling morons? Have they considered using both hands to find their backsides on a good day? Please choose one; I am very curious.

Yrs,
Trish

[Hermione]

Dear Political philosophy,

why must you be so difficult? I don't understand you at all! I hate reading your textbook. Actually.. come to think of it.. I'm a day behind in the reading.

-me

dear political philosophy prof.

you're hot.

-me

[Avalon]

My Dear Sweet Husband,
I thank you, I thank you, I thank you...but we can not afford it right now. I thought we had an understanding that I realize that the only reason I wanted it, is because it belonged to Jeff. I know this in my heart and have come to terms with my wanting it. I must not have made it clear enough to you, huh? I don't think I will use it enough to ever justify the cost. And it will not be the same without my brother; it was just a knee jerk reaction to knowing it was going to be sold to a stranger.

I adore you for you selflessness and your willingness to give me what I want. But I also know what it cost you. Now YOU don't have your trap and skeet gear and are going to work overtime. How fair is that??
We are going to have a chat when you come home. I want you to sell it and buy your stuff back or get new. Please listen to me this time. Once in a row, listen to me.

I love you crazy man,
d

[Zaftig]

Dear Uterus,

You've given me grief since my early teens. Not only do you plague me with pain every month you are now a sober reminder of what barren means. Did the secret Organization of Womanhood put you up to this? Could you please just cut me a break this month and stop shooting pain through my abdomen?

Yours for Life,
HH

[priceyfatprude]

Dear Zaftig,

You can have my uterus. I won't be needing it.

Love,

PFP

[dinzdale]

And mine

rgds
Dinz

[rapscalious rob]

Dear _______________

You have been on my mind a lot today. I miss you; miss seeing you, more than you know. Maybe again, under other circumstances. Not now. Damn this crumbling cage.

-the shy one

[Your Boss]

Dear Employees,

Please be aware that we have just last week installed internet usage monitoring software on our networks.

You are busted.

Love,
Your Boss :)

[Coffee]

HA...self employed you farker.

YOUR NOT THE BOSS OF ME!
:D

[Spicy Jack]

:( i'm not looking forward to that day.

[Coffee]

Ya...that would suck...I suspect it's a joke above though.

Although I do monitor my internet usage quite closely...so I suppose MY boss is watching me right now as I type this. :D

[rapscalious rob]

That is a cool shadow puppet. I wish I had thought of it.

[priceyfatprude]

Originally posted by rapscalious rob
That is a cool shadow puppet. I wish I had thought of it. LOL

[Coffee]

LOL

heh, I thought the same thing PFP...but then I'm thinking...but, that's too obvious...or maybe he's being obvious to make us think it's too obvious so It can't be him...then my mind convolutes like 12 times

obvious, no it looks too obvious, so it's meant to look too obvious on purpose to not look obvious, obviosly meant to look too obvious on purpose to not look obvious, Supposed to look like being too obvious so as to make us think it is meant to look too obvious on purpose to not look obvious, etc...etc...etc.

gaahhh...puppets.

wecome Your Boss...and...

YOUR NOT THE BOSS OF ME!!! :D

[melissa]

Dear Coffee,
You made my brain hurt.

melissa

[Frieda]

dear you,

for god's sake, will ya let me know what is going on?? i haven't heard a thing since wednesday night! is he ok? are you ok??

i'm worried dammit! :(

love,
me

[Hermione]

Dear Frieda,

I hope you heard something:)

love me



Dear _______ University,

I abhor you.

-Me

[RuneT]

Dear shit!

We have had enough. Please go away.

Me

[Frieda]

dear rune,

take my hand, i'll get you through!

love,
me

[sparticle]

Dear Sunday Evening:

Must you drag on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on? Couldn't I borrow a little of this time-stretch trick of yours and apply it to those three-hour time stretches that seem to pass in about thirty-six seconds, such as time spent visiting with a good friend I won't see again for a long time? Or would that be asking too much? I couldn't save you up for a certain Thursday in October, could I, and make you turn that three fly-by-in-a-flash hours into a week-and-a-half of stubbornly unpassing twilight like you always do on Sunday Evening?

*sigh* I suppose it's too much to ask.

Love,

me

[priceyfatprude]

Dear New Job,

I like you, but not on the weekends.

Love,

me

[sparticle]

P.S. to Sunday Evening:

I liked you when you brought Walt Disney's Magic Kingdom and animal crackers and cocoa and jammies with feet in them. Back then you were okay. But now all you bring is Law and Order reruns and leftovers and dread of Monday. What's up with that?

Love,

Me

[trisherina]

(hee hee hee hee... don't forget Sonny and Cher)

[madasacutsnake]

Dear Trish's "friend",

Did you know that she calls you "friend" in inverted commas just like that? That's because you are the sort of person that makes people dream of snakes.

Trisha is better at her job than you. She is also nicer than you.

So, how about a nice hot cup of shut the fvck up?

Love,

Snake xxx

[sparticle]

Originally posted by trisherina
(hee hee hee hee... don't forget Sonny and Cher)

heh heh -- indeed!

[Magpie]

Dear Demented Neighbor,

You stay home each and every day. The mail is delivered at 2:30p almost like clockwork each day. Yet you insist on walking to your mailbox at 1:30a everyday "just in case" I suppose. My stupid dog barks at you every single time you go to your mailbox because your hair is big and weird and he know it.

Walking to your mailbox twice every day means my stupid dog is going to go ape shit twice a day which bugs me and makes me pissy. Please begin checking your mail only once per day (at 2-fvcking-30) or better yet, change your hairstyle to one that doesn't make small children cry.

Your Pissy Neighbor.

[joppa.gal]

hair is big and weird

I want big and wierd hair that will ruin people's day just by looking at it.


Like the guy with a hairdo all over his body (http://www.zefrank.com/bulletin/showthread.php?s=&threadid=6211&perpage=15&pagenumber=5) .

[RuneT]

Dear Frieda :*

"holding hand"

Thanks!

Did you bring a BFG?

love, me

[nycwriters]

Originally posted by RuneT
Dear Frieda :*

"holding hand"

Thanks!

Did you bring a BFG?

love, me

Big Fvcking Goint?!

Big Fat Gator?

Belly Fluff Gun?

Buh?

[RuneT]

Big Fu-cking Gun :D

[xerocs]

Patrick,
Do you know what it is like to look up into the night sky, and not see the stars? Do you know what it is like to see the song birds sing their music, and yet not hear their sound? Do you know what it is like to feel your heart inside you, and yet not feel it beat? Do you know what it is like to be in a crowd of people smiling, laughing, sharing their love together, and yet be all alone with no one around? Do you know what it is like when the light of your life has been extinguished, and you are left in absolute and complete darkness, frightened and alone? Do you know what it is like when the one you love so deeply and dearly is so far away? Your heart cries out their name and yet there is no reply. All you want to do is hold them in your arms, and you cannot. All you desire to do is to kiss their sweet lips, and you cannot. You long to hear their voice as they whisper words of love to you, and you cannot. You just want them near, and they are not. Their absence brings with it frustration and sadness. You curse God that you cannot be with the one you love, and yet you thank him completely for bringing that person into your life, all the while knowing that no amount of dreams and hopes and prayers, can, at once, change the situation. So, what do you do in such times? How do you keep your wits about you? How do you maintain a normal life, when all you can do is think about the person that you are so in love with and that you would do or give anything just to be with them? You feel lost somewhere between the cruel reality of life, and the dream-like fairytale that you wish to live in, and the only salvation is to be found in the arms of your beloved and that cannot happen. Friends cannot comfort your soul. Thoughts only make the pain in your heart worse. What do you do? You think about them - oh my God, how you think about them endlessly! You pray to God for the strength to see it through this situation, knowing that someday you will be with that person forever. But is that enough? No. Not always. Until you are in their arms, nothing really helps. The mind is a whirlwind as your thoughts are tossed around like leaves in the wind. But the one thought that is constant and eats away at my soul is a simple one: "When will I hear from you again? Will I ever hear from you again?" Such silly thoughts are these. But time can cause such thoughts to occur. It is only human. I am only human. And so, I wait. For how long? 90 days to be exact. And as I wait it seems as though the hands of the clock move in reverse instead of forward. Each second that passes seems as an eternity away from you. Time takes you further away from me instead of bringing you closer, and time is something that is beyond our control. Oh to be an angel, and have wings that I may fly into your arms at this very second. To taste your sweet kiss and feel your warm embrace. To love you, to have the pain of needing you, vanish in your arms, like snowflakes on a summer day. And to know that we would at last, be together for all our days. Days spent lost in sweet heavenly love, such as we have never known. Oh God, my darling, how is it that love can be so wonderful, and yet hurt so badly? Such pleasure in knowing and feeling your love for me, and such pain in being apart from the one that I love so deeply, so dearly, so passionately. Darling there is an old saying that applies to being away from something. It goes, "Out of sight...out of mind." But, my love, there is another old saying. In this old saying it is also said, "Absence makes the heart grow fonder," and just when I think it is not possible to be more in love with you, a second ticks off the clock, and I discover that I am more in love with you then ever before. Good night, my love. And never doubt that with each breath I take, I love you more.
Love always and forever
Trista

[tsunamimom]

<sigh> that's so romantic...:)

[priceyfatprude]

Dude, she is turning you into a *****.


Dear Mom,

Have fun on your church lady trip to the Twin Cities, you deserve it. No your bus is not going to crash. Now lighten up!

Love,

Aims


Dear Dad,

Yes, I will come 'let the dog out' while you are off being Air Force guy this weekend. If by 'let the dog out' you mean 'wash every piece of clothing I own before sneaking it back to my apartment' while also spending all day with my boy, that is. ;) Stealth laundry.

Love,

Grace


Dear World,

THANK GOD IT'S FRIDAY!

[Willow Sylph]

Originally posted by Avalon
My Dear Sweet Husband,
I thank you, I thank you, I thank you...but we can not afford it right now. I thought we had an understanding that I realize that the only reason I wanted it, is because it belonged to Jeff. I know this in my heart and have come to terms with my wanting it. I must not have made it clear enough to you, huh? I don't think I will use it enough to ever justify the cost. And it will not be the same without my brother; it was just a knee jerk reaction to knowing it was going to be sold to a stranger.

I adore you for you selflessness and your willingness to give me what I want. But I also know what it cost you. Now YOU don't have your trap and skeet gear and are going to work overtime. How fair is that??
We are going to have a chat when you come home. I want you to sell it and buy your stuff back or get new. Please listen to me this time. Once in a row, listen to me.

I love you crazy man,
d

Dear Powers That Be,
When I'm all done with loathing and avoiding having a relationship with the opposite sex, would you please bring me a man like this? One that will give instead of take all the time? One who will think of ME sometimes? One who will also open his arms to my son as well? And I know what a sense of humor you can have sometimes, so just to cover all bases, when you send him my way, don't let him be gay or already married.

Thanks in advance,
Willow

[Audreyvgs]

Dear Florida Power and Light

Please please come cut those tree branches off the power lines we called you a month ago about, its dangerous, and the cable for my computer hangs right below it. That's even worse. Thanks, Yours in Greed, Audrey

[moel]

AHHHHHHAaAA

AHKLSH **** SHIT PISS GRRRRRRR !!!!

[moel]

Originally posted by moel
AHHHHHHAaAA

AHKLSH **** SHIT PISS GRRRRRRR !!!!

dear AHHHHHHAaAA

everything is much better now. happiness prevails but with a tint of self-loathing.

[Frieda]

hello moel!

[moel]

:)

[Frieda]

how are you?

[priceyfatprude]

Dear 17 y/o checkout boys, be it Kmart or Wendy's,

You've got to be kidding me. I'm too old for you. But thanks for the laugh. I guess w/no makeup & my hair like this, I could pass for 16. But no.

Dear ****er who poisoned the Tylenol back in '82,

I hope you're happy. Childproof caps & every bottle sealed for my protection means longer before my headache is cured. There is a special place in hell for you.

[sparticle]

Dear November:

Again? I thought you just left.

- me

[madasacutsnake]

Dear Snake,

Take a bloody pill. Yes, everybody probably should get lost, but you don't have to brood on that fact all the time, do you?

Love,

Snake

[rapscalious rob]

Dear shiznazz:

Remember that study you read a while back? They took three ravens and had them attempt to get some meat at the end of a string. After several unsuccessful attempts at flying at the meat and grabbing it with their beaks, two of them figured out how to get it by standing on the pole the strings were tied to, and grabbing the string with one claw, holding it down with the other claw, and reaching again with the first claw to pull the line up until they got the meat.

Then there was the other raven. Faced with an unfamiliar situation, it did not adjust and figure out that flying at the meat and grabbing it caused its head to be wrenched in a rather unpleasant fashion. It just kept flying at the meat like a big, dumb bird.

Taking it easy does not mean taking it easy.
*heart* Rob

[bealeblues]

dear wall outside silky sullivans on beale street,

i'll be dropping by to see you soon. things look much better from where you are.

beale

[rmr]

dear friend (stop)

you really made me mad (stop)

the whole is getting deeper (stop)

you know what you need to do (stop)

love (stop)

r (stop)

i'm sending a telegram instead of a letter :rolleyes:

[priceyfatprude]

Dear Maybelline Expert Eyes Eyeliner:

You came in here, you looked great, you were the right price, and a great color. I had high hopes.

But when push came to shove, you migrated down my face, making me look like a prizefighter at the end of the day, So I have to say:

*does hand gesture*

You're Fired!






Dear Revlon Colorstay Eyeliner,

I'm back, baby. That is, if you'll have me back. :(

I will never buy any other brand of eyeliner, ever again. Forgive me?

Love,

your whore

[trisherina]

Yes, you:

See the hole? Peer inside. Get a good look.

Then step away, walk around, and carry on down the street.

Yrs,
Trish

[Spicy Jack]

Originally posted by priceyfatprude
Dear Revlon Colorstay Eyeliner,

I'm back, baby. That is, if you'll have me back. :(

I will never buy any other brand of eyeliner, ever again. Forgive me?

Love,

your whore

Dear PFP,

Don't speak too soon. May I suggest this (http://www.maccosmetics.com/templates/products/sp.tmpl?CATEGORY_ID=CATEGORY15101&PRODUCT_ID=PROD1448) applied with this (http://www.maccosmetics.com/templates/products/sp.tmpl?CATEGORY_ID=CATEGORY15083&PRODUCT_ID=PROD6847). You will never want to use liquid or pencils ever again.

Trust me,

Spicy

[Gatsby]

Dear Immune System:

Please get rid of this headcold quickly, because, as you know, our first final is on Thursday and we're not getting any studying done because we feel like ass.

I will ply you with all the orange juice and chicken soup and vitamin C and L-Lysine and Airborne and, yes, all the Nyquil that you want, as long as you make me feel better.

Like, now.

VTY,
Gatsby

[madasacutsnake]

Dear Body and Brain,

Stay awake,

Yours,

Snake

[sparticle]

Dear Periodic Hormonal Headache:


You would, wouldn't you?

Shite. Just shite.


Your Sworn Enemy,

Sparticle

[priceyfatprude]

Originally posted by Spicy Jack
Dear PFP,

Don't speak too soon. May I suggest this (http://www.maccosmetics.com/templates/products/sp.tmpl?CATEGORY_ID=CATEGORY15101&PRODUCT_ID=PROD1448) applied with this (http://www.maccosmetics.com/templates/products/sp.tmpl?CATEGORY_ID=CATEGORY15083&PRODUCT_ID=PROD6847). You will never want to use liquid or pencils ever again.

Trust me,

Spicy Dear Spicy,

:eek: :eek: :eek:

I may have to change my panties now. That looks fan-****ing-tastic.

Mall, here I come!

Love,

Pricey

[drivinmissdaisy]

May I suggest this applied with this

This is what I use, and I love it.


Dear Stomach,

I am sorry that I will only be feeding you salads this week. Before you get mad, please let me explain. . .You have been very spolied lately and I must trim you down for my Christmas party this weekend. Don't worry, I just want you to look great in your top.

I promise at the party you will be rewarded for your compliance.

Thank you for your patience.

Me

[Hermione]

Dear Peace Studies paper,

why must you be soo difficult? I just want to finish you.

me



Dear Women in western civ,

I am soo sorry I haven't started you yet. Yes, I know you are due on Thursday. I will be working on you tomorrow and wednesday.

me

[trisherina]

Dear Tiny Birds,

It was very kind of you to keep me company while I shoveled the snow today. Along with the bright sunshine, you helped make a dull task bearable.

Uhm... don't you know it's WINTER? Get the hell someplace warm.

Yrs,
Trish


Dear Katie,

I appreciate your wanting to lie at my feet and gaze up at me adoringly. It's just... well, the footwell of the desk is already occupied by cables (most notably that keyboard one you so enjoy disconnecting) and a subwoofer, not to mention my legs and feet. Would it be too much to ask that you adore me from somewhere else?

Yrs,
The Alpha

[lapietra]

Dear Monkies,

http://www.wcs.k12.mi.us/siersma/clip_art/hearts_floating_around_heart_md_clr.gif MUAH. http://www.wcs.k12.mi.us/siersma/clip_art/hearts_floating_around_heart_md_clr.gif

Love,
Lala

[Audreyvgs]

dear
Girls Girls Girls.

Are you still messing with brushes? that is sooooo 90's

http://a1216.g.akamai.net/f/1216/955/6h/images2.nordstrom.com/images/store/product/medium/14490U.jpg

[drivinmissdaisy]

Dear guy who invented wrapping paper,

The shopping is fun, the giving is fun, but the wrapping is NOT fun. Why must you make such a wonderful holiday so aggravating?

Thanks,

The girls who's back hurts from sitting on the floor wrapping gifts

[Gatsby]

Dear School:

Bugger off.

VTY,

Gatsby

[trisherina]

Dear drivinmissdaisy,

There are paraplegics who wrap better than I do.

Irreverently yours,
trisherina

[melissa]

Dear Boss Man,
You think you're cool, but I don't think I like you very much. You're kind of blind and stupid and I did a good job tonight keeping my mouth shut.

mj





Dear Vodka,
I'm pretty tipsy, but not too tipsy to not correct my typos.

mj

[sparticle]

Hey, B. and R.!

Both your families are getting boxes of goodies, sent today. I was
out of Styrofoam packing peanuts, but Cheez Doodles were on sale at
the grocery and so that's what I used instead (don't worry; they're
still in the cellophane bags). Necessity is the mother of a whole
shower of bastards, as me auld auntie used to say.

I also included undecorated gingerbread men and sugar cookies along with little kits of colored frosting so the kids can do it themselves. The Holiday Baking Fairy didn't feel like
getting off her lazy ass this year and figured the kids would enjoy it more anyway. At least, so she said as she fluttered out the window on her way to an AHL game. heh heh heh

I will be checking with [your wives] next time I visit to see to it that the kids got the cookies, so be good. No use handing them empty boxes strewn with crumbs and saying, "I swear poor C. gets dottier every year; whatever could be her problem, sending us empty
cookie boxes?" I'm on to you and there will be repercussions. And percussions.

Love,

- c.

[Gatsby]

Dear Monkeys,

As promised, I am drunk posting, and there is no one there to drunk post back.

That is not fun.

VTY,
Gatsby

[trisherina]

Dear Gatsby,

I am still too sick to drink. Sorry. I mean, really, I'm sorrier than you can imagine. You are going to have to settle for Hot Lemon Relief posting.

Soberly yrs,
Trish

[Gatsby]

Dear Trish:

Totally understandable. Refer to my postings from last week re: sick Gatsby.

Hopefully you will recover and be similarly drunk-posting next Thursday.

Cheers!
Gats

[drivinmissdaisy]

Dear Gatsby:

I am here just for a minute but want you to know that you are not here posting alone (well, at least for the next few minutes).

I hope you have a good night celebrating.

I must go to bed, today sucked. Hopefully tomorrow will be better.

Goodnight,
Daisy

[priceyfatprude]

Dear Mother****er (http://www.nfl.com/players/playerpage/12315),

Did you really think clotheslining (http://dictionary.reference.com/search?q=clothesline) Robert Ferguson (http://www.nfl.com/players/playerpage/235210) was a good idea? I can't wait to see how much the NFL fines your punk ass. Just remember, karma's a bitch & you can go eat a bag of dicks.

I hope you make it out of Green Bay alive, you ****ing c***sucker.

Love,

Aimee




Dear Brett,

It's time, honey. Your family needs you. You're getting old. Let Craig (http://www.nfl.com/players/playerpage/302094)
have a chance.

Love,

Aimee

[Dark Chocolate]

Dear baby girl:

I never meant to hurt you.

Sincerely,

Dark Choc

[rapscalious rob]

Dear iconoclast man:

Damn it, you!

Sincerely,

Mr. Taciturn

[AllegroNg]

Dearest Red,
When is your baybay due?
Heart,
Ng

[Clytie]

Dear Bosslady,
Why cant you just be a man?
Cly

[red]

Sweet AllegroNG,
Not freakin' soon enough! :D
I am big, my feet have swelled and I waddle. :eek:
I think the last few weeks have got to be the worst, 'specially 'cause I'm working until I pop.
My "official" due date is the 29th. I hope I go sooner.
Big kisses,
red

[Zaftig]

Dear Juice,

I love you, why do you give me such pain?

Burning from the heart,
Zaf

[tsunamimom]

Dear Vince
I know I cocked up the project you gave me and my Powerpoint skills are rusty, but please give me the promotion and I'll learn all that stuff all over again....
love
Jo

[red]

Dear Zaf,
Tums are your friend.
~red

[lapietra]

Dear Dark Choc'late -

THANK YOU FOR FINDING THIS THREAD!!! :D
I will now connect the straggler...
http://www.zefrank.com/bulletin/showthread.php?t=7458

xox
Lala

[trisherina]

Dear Right Hand,

Please. Go to that policy and procedure manual and open it. If you can do that, I'll give you a cookie.

Love,
Trish

[Zaftig]

To a courageous woman,

I look up to you. I actually thought we were going to develop a strong friendship. I thought wrong. I wonder what happened.

Still looking up,
H

[red]

Dear bed,
Our relationship is about to change drastically. You know I love you. You are my favorite piece in the whole house, but I fear we will be spending too much time together because of mandatory bed rest. If I say disparaging things about you, please know it's my frustration talking and not how I really feel. Once the baby is here, you'll know how much I really love you.
xxoo,
red

[Frieda]

dear right foot,

i know you were injured pretty bad, but i really have to use you for my tai chi exercise. i need to be able to stand on you, and that means you alone.

try and do your best for me, will ya?

thanks :)

love,
me

[Coffee]

Dear pretty young lady down on her luck.

It was my pleasure sharing my train food with you, and helping you get home after your rotten experience in Denver. I truly hope things work out for you. How I managed to remain a gentleman and not jump your bones while you slept the night on my couch is really beyond me...it must have been some residual catholic repression. :(

But I assure you, if I run into you again I will not be able to remain a gentleman and I will NOT be responsible for where my hands stray on your hot hot hot (Did I mentionHOT) 20 yo body.

You have been warned.

-A severely sexually frustrated Hippie.

[melissa]

Coffee!! It sounds like you had an adventure!!!!!

[I lidbotLl l]

dear eye,
thanks for sticking around, your the one and only for this landing robot. the flight has been real. i've processed everything for our lid and bottles instructions in direction of what's next and its ok to blink now. the information gathering is over and i've had the pacemaker here for you the whole time. now we can fix lid properly and get that tune up pacemakers been pissing about. i know you can't see what's ahead, its cool to start seeing what's in front of you now and trust in lid's decision. We're gonna move on with our plan to pick up the pieces to get this motor kicking again. Sorry for not telling you why we we're working so hard, but it was for clarity for pacemaker and lid's dreams. your the only one for us blue!! thanks for keeping a lookout.
-the rest of you

dear pacemaker,
one day we'll get you back to normal, stop screwing around with lid though. i know it's tough, but keep on ticking.
-the rest of you

lid,
what the f**k, slow down. we know you did your best. we forgive you though for screwing up, again. You twisted.. nevermind. You've done your best and that's all that matters. Rest now, pace e'll take it from here.
-the rest of us

robot,
you smell funny, oil your hinges or whatever it is that you do that sound is driving us nuts, and we need to get this motor working.
-us

island,
pace still loves you even though your boring, he says your beautiful..(i think he's kind of gay), and peaceful and all but its time to let go. We know you like the bottom of the ocean and its fascinating but your drowning us.
-us

bottle,
this was all for you lid and pacemaker, thanks for holding us together. dont belive the hype. We all know you have two personalities and we respect that. One day we'll let you go completly. Until then your our bitch. Keep floating the paper and keep the lid tight, or right, or whatever it is that you do.
-us

[zero]

eye pacemaker lid robot island bottle i thought this might happen

[I lidbotLl l]

i wish people would have acted more like adults,
apologies for pushing buttons, after this long... i had to find out if i was actually going crazy, and in the process i did.....*walking away*....in the mean time i'll be contemplating selling shoes or digging a hole and climbing in it....sorry, for what??????????????I HAVE NO F****** IDEA?

[zero]

i had to find out if i was actually going crazy

^ not crazy in fact the sanest voice in the house

for tonight anyway

[Clytie]

-------------i got this email from a coworker--------
Hello please pick up/clean up behind youself. It is a nice thing to clean your work area but when you are finish put the towel in the liner hamper. Who ever are using the towel on the floor at the clerk desk before you leave please pick i t up and place it in the liner hamper. Thank you
Question do you like cleaning/picking up behind other people? I don't.
We have enought to do, don't you think so?


----i checked behind me----and im all good thanx

[Max Headroom]

Dear Left Knee,

Like whats the deal man, all these years you've been super good, then BAM yesterday you decide to hurt. Like whats going on man, running is good for us, really.

I hope you can see my side of the story and get on stream for this workout regieme thing. If we get fat it's just going to hurt you more. We wouldent want that to happen would we?

[Malmal11787]

Dear worn out jeans,

Thank you for always being so comforting. You fit so perfect and when im having a bad day all i got to do is come home and throw you on. With your holes in the knees and the shredding at the bottom you look good with any shirt i throw on. You are the reason that the guys whistle. Keep up the good work.

Mal

[sugiebopper95]

Dear Head,

Thanks for always being there, especially when I needed you the most. Can't say that you're too much of a help around the tests, but you always manage to make people shut up with your witty remarks. And your face shows proof that I can't smile, so folks stop trying to make me do so. And your mouth's taste buds have helped me to realize how much I've always loved cookie dough. Again, thank you so very much.

Your loving owner,
Katrina A. K.

[Hermione]

Dear Midterms,

Please don't be too difficult. I don't have time to study for all of you.

-me

[trisherina]

Dear Bulbs:

Thanks for blooming. I love you.

Dear Shrubs:

Thanks for greening up. There is a special treat in store for each of you soon.

Dear Grass:

I appreciate your efforts, but you understand I'm not exactly thrilled about mowing you. And would you mind not trying to take over everything in sight?

Dear Weather:

Do you think you could rain, just fvcking once, when I need you to? No matter. Screw you. Shine on, you heartless prick.

Dear Fresh Water:

I am so sorry to use you on all these green bastards. If you don't like it, go bitch at Weather for me.

Dear Dwarf Norway Spruce:

Please don't die. I always liked your nice round mature shape. Who could I ever get to take your place?

Dear Perennials:

Please get your asses in gear. Take a look at the bulbs. You don't want to be outdone by a BULB, do you?

Dear Hat:

We are going to get to know one another again soon, I promise.

Very Truly Yours (at least for the next four months),
Your Humble Servant

[red]

dear astros,
get your shit together
red

[Hermione]

Dear English Professor,

Thank you so much for giving us a pop quiz at 9am. I was working on a paper, and I didn't go to sleep until 3:30am. I woke up at 7:30 to get ready for school. I really appreciate you screwing me over.

love me

[NimbleMarmoset]

dear liver,

i am sorry for what you must endure tonight

suck it up little buddy,
me
~ ~ ~

Dear God,

you sneezed.
bless you.

~ ~ ~

Dear adorable Skunk who lives in my backyard:

Stay AWAY from my puppy.

Glaringly, NM

[des pommes]

Dear chubby science teacher,

I don't know you. Please don't assume things about me. And especially, ESPECIALLY don't ask me what I'm doing and "if I'm OK," whatever that means.

Sincerely,
des pommes

[topcat]

dear mr johnson,
please fvck off. thanks

sincerly, nyc

[Frieda]

dear Turbo,

poop goes IN the litterbox. not right outside in front of it.

your help is much appreciated.


love,
me

[Hermione]

Dear Final exams,

Please don't be too difficult.

-me

Dear surbhi

I'm proud of you.

-me

[karma_queen]

to dinner
please cook yourself, and wash up after yourself. i don't want to have to move at all. if you don't, i'm not eating. it's up to you.
kq

[trisherina]

Dear Canada Geese Mating Pair:

Do you have any idea how big you sound to me when you take a stroll on my roofline in the predawn hours? Please have the courtesy to wait until 0730 for your stroll and chat sessions.

Your cordial neighbour,
Trish

[craig johnston]

dear mr topcat,
get a life.
signed,
the rest of the world

[Hermione]

dear craig,

:)

-me

[NimbleMarmoset]

Dear Venti Mocha w/add shot,

You cruel queen. How dare you taunt me so. With your whole milk goodness and your frothy, foamy head.....you shall be the death of me. Everytime I think I've gotten over you, you pull me back in. You evil, triple-shot, 170 degree devil. We are truly through! I must resist your temptations.

Stay away or else,

NimbleMarmoset

[smellyrayzin]

dear mcdonald's quarter pounder with cheese,

i love you.
i LOVE you.
WHY must you hurt me so?????

- susie

[Max Headroom]

Dear right foot.

Why must you be so heavy?

Love,

My pocketbook

[Avalon]

Craig Johnston
Do not presume to speak for me on any subject, ever.
signed,the rest of the world

Very sincerely,
Moi

[craig johnston]

dear avalon,
so you prefer it if topcat continues to have no life and therefore
repeatedly posts the same message about his obsession with nyc
forever?
or would you like him to live a full, content and productive life?
all the best,
cj

[Avalon]

cj,
I don't think you should concern yourself with TC's life on or off the board.

ava

[RuneT]

stop

[12"razormix]

dear rune,

i like the way you baaaaah!

regards
razomrix12

[craig johnston]

dear ava,
fine by me.
;) cj

[NimbleMarmoset]

Dear Mr. Pseudo-President,

I am writing to request your resignation, as you are a bad guy, and worse, you are dumb. In fact, since you weren't even officially elected, can we make your resignation retroactive? Thank you for your assistance in this matter.

In order to help you in your transition, as I am sure you will be sad and lonely once you have resigned, I would like to invite you to a dinner party to help cheer you up. Here is a preview of the guestlist:

Michael Moore
Janeane Garafolo
Al Franken
Bill Clinton
Hillary Clinton
Sean Penn
Tim Robbins
Susan Sarandon
Rufus Wainwright
Robert Altman
Ani DiFranco
Howard Stern
Al Gore
Tony Shaloub
Viggo Mortensen
Moby
Jack Black
Michael Stipe

I am sure you will have a lovely time. Oh, wait, on second thought, the dinner menu will be featuring various pretzel dishes, so perhaps you would be better off staying at home. Instead, I will present you with a lovely booklet of McDonald's coupons that I received as a trickertreater during Halloween in 1979. I am not sure if they are still valid, but what the heck, you can give it a try. The worst they can do is laugh at you, right? Fortunately, that's probably nothing new for you, so you should be well equipped to handle it.

So, to summarize: you resign, and we get our swamp back, minus all the fairy tale creatures. Oops, wait a minute...that's Shrek. I meant, you resign and we get our country back. And in return, you will receive a fabulous coupon booklet entitling you to various free items, such as small french fries, sundaes, hamburgers, and apple pies from Mickey Ds. What could be more American than that? Assuming, of course, that the coupons have not expired - but surely, it is a risk worth taking. Thank you for your consideration. I look forward to your reply.

Sincerely,

Me

[beckstra]

Dear closet,
Please stop smelling like feet. It's really gross.
Beck.

Dear Holy Trinity On My Chin,
Please, go away. You're scaring children, you are.
Your Face

Dear Parenthetical Statements,
I'm sorry I abused you in high school. It was rarely appropriate...actually, it was quite obscene. How can you ever forgive me?
A sobered up writer.

[Max Headroom]

Dear 20 foot tall cement block wall.

Can you please paint yourself, I'm not getting paid nearly enough at this job to do this.

Me.

[NimbleMarmoset]

dear dad,
why do you say "tinkerbell" randomly?
your worried daughter,
nimbles

[priceyfatprude]

Dear PriceyMomma,

I didn't buy the chocolate soy milk b/c you cannot make macaroni and cheeeeeeeeeese w/it.

Or can you????!?!?!?!??! :eek:

Love,

PFP

[Audreyvgs]

Deer Peef

Step away from the chocolate soy milk!

Use regular Silk. You'll get used to it.

Love, aud

[Hermione]

dear surbhi

get off your lazy bum and study!

-me

[karma_queen]

dear dom
i hope you remember the homemade green curry you promised to make me last night, and it wasn't just a drunken promise
love, kq

[craig johnston]

dear dom,
don't miss this chance.
atb,
cj

[karma_queen]

dear dom
seriously, don't miss this chance
love kq

[Hermione]

dear leg,

please stop hurting.. i'm getting really worried about you.

-me

[melissa]

Dear Melissa,
I know you'll have fun at the party tonight, but please keep two things in mind.

1. Don't trash talk your coworkers until they've left.
2. Don't drink too much, you have that wedding to go to Sunday.

Thanks,
Melissa

[Hermione]

dear melissa,

i hope you have fun!

-surb

[melissa]

Dear Surbhi,
Good luck studying and remember to have fun! And I hope your leg stops hurting soon.

melissa

[priceyfatprude]

Dear Protein,

I will miss eating you. It's not you, it's me. I'm sure you understand.

Love,

Aimee

[Hermione]

Dear melissa,

thank you! I'm feeling better.

me


Dear pfp

i'm sorry you can't eat protein anymore. :(

me

[craig johnston]

dear anybody who knows,
isn't it impossible to live without protein, or is that just an advertising
slogan?
hilp!
me

[Hermione]

dear cj,

protein deficiency can cause hair loss, fatigue, stuff like that. i think that if you have severe protein deficiency, you can die. protein is necessary in providing amino acids (i think). amino acids are the building blocks of life!

[craig johnston]

dear pfp,
i'm concerned.
yrs,
cj

[Hermione]

me too.. maybe she can take protein supplements.

[melissa]

Dear Co-workers,
I hope I didn't say anything too hurtful and offensive at the party last night. I'm sure I didn't say anything that I don't feel is true, but sometimes it's better to not say those things to certain people. I'm pretty sure I was not keeping that restraint in mind last night.

If I said anything that hurt your feelings or the feelings of someone you consider a friend, I'm sorry.

melissa

[topcat]

Dear Protein,

I will miss eating you. It's not you, it's me. I'm sure you understand.

Love,

Aimee
pfp there is supposed to be alot of protien in sperm. does this mean you have to give up bj's

[NimbleMarmoset]

Dear (borrowed) cell phone,

Although i cant stand you and i think you are the anti-christ, i must admit that you kinda came in handy today...but dont think that means were gonna go steady...i'm dumping your sorry ass as soon as i get home.

signed - me

[priceyfatprude]

pfp there is supposed to be alot of protien in sperm. does this mean you have to give up bj'sWas I supposed to? The nephrologist didn't mention that. :confused:



Dear Food Network,

It's summer. I get that.

During the summer, people grill food in their backyards. I get that, too.

But after 3 months of nothing but grilling shows, I want to kill whoever is in charge of your programming.

Please show something else? Please?

And enough w/Rachel Ray already. 4 shows? SO not worth 4 shows.

-me

[Hermione]

dear pfp

have you watched iron chef? it's the best. i love it

[madasacutsnake]

Dear flu,

Please stay the fvk away from my joints. They are hurting. Also when I sleep, this is your opportunity to die a litle bit more, not gather the troops. I'm not going to eat until you go away so you may as look for nourishment in some other body. Now suits me fine.

You suck,

Snake.

[smellyrayzin]

dear pfp

have you watched iron chef? it's the best. i love it

iron chef is my favorite show. ever.

me and the bf just got a betta and named it Michiba-san after the most hard core of all Iron Chefs.

i just made two sakai icons.. i'll upload them later.

[trisherina]

Dear Dr. _____:

Did you recognize that by chastising me for showing up sick (to do something that makes your job a lot easier, by the way) in front of 170 students, it wasn't me doing what you're teaching them not to do, but you? They were compassionate and bemused. You were bombastic and posturing. I think you should sit down, suck in your spittle, control the shake in your hand and the fishy Nazi-pop in your eye, and listen to them.

The best teachers know they need to be learning in order to be teaching. What are you learning?

Regards,
Trish

P.S. You got my name wrong. Three times. Everyone noticed but you.

[Sapphire]

Dear Ophelia,

Please go away and don't "come back another day." You and your siblings have caused enough damage. Plus, my friends just got a cute little new house on the coast and are moving to NC from OH in a few weeks - I want them to have a house to move into, even if I am sad they are moving so far away. :(

Thanks for cooperating.

Love,
Sapphy

[craig johnston]

dear sapphire,
i know about 'the mitten'.
grits,
me

[Hermione]

ahhh! sakai! love him! i get soo into it when it's on.


iron chef is my favorite show. ever.

me and the bf just got a betta and named it Michiba-san after the most hard core of all Iron Chefs.

i just made two sakai icons.. i'll upload them later.

[smellyrayzin]

ahhh! sakai! love him! i get soo into it when it's on.

sakai is oh so sweet!!! and i LOVE this smile! :)
me and the bf tooootally get into it when we are watching... the nieghbors probably think we are crazy when they hear 'OH NO, MICHIBA CANT LOSE, HE'S THE IRON CHEF OF IRON CHEFS! NOOOOOOOO!! AHHH!! NONONONOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" at like 1AM.

not animated:
http://images14.fotki.com/v220/photos/5/56477/494088/wee-vi.jpg

animated:
http://images12.fotki.com/v215/photos/5/56477/494088/sakaismile-vi.gif

i took those from the octopus battle.. my favorite battle! :D

/end crazy iron chef fanatic talk

[Hermione]

they are sooo cute. i don't like their outfits though. they look like they are soo hot in them. i get soo excited when they show the ingredient.

[gigi]

Dear Computer,

Please stop showing me so many pretty ways to waste my time. I know it's an ugly day outside, and that real people are ugly and mean, too, but honestly - we spend too much time together. I think it's time to consider all the hard times we've shared: the time when you had that virus and I was such a poor nurse - you never forgave me and rather than recover, you actually went elsewhere. Or what about the time when the 'k' key stuck when I was typing my middle initial? Did you expect me to believe that was unintentional? That it wasn't some kind of character assassination after the virus fiasco?! You knew that letter to Amnesty International was important to me! I spent enough time on it...

So yeah, I think it's time.

(write back and let me know what you think)

gigi

[craig johnston]

dear gigi,
x+001&/>lol-00"->90)X6001::*.wut?%::1001+/
love,
your computer

[gigi]

Dear Computer,

Oh thank god! I'm so glad you weren't offended!!! I simply couldn't make it without you......

;)

<3

:)

etc.

[gigi]

Dear Pet Food Companies,

I have two cats and two dogs who shall remain nameless to protect their privacy. They have consistently shown me that it is their desire to cease eating their species-specific foods, and would like to trade. My cats are frantic and/or manic about eating the dogs' food, and the dogs refuse to eat their own food, but instead sneak into the cats' food in the middle of the night to binge.

Is this some kind of twisted plot to confuse and torture the poor beasties (and their owner)?

Please begin packaging the cat food in dog-size bags and reduce the price accordingly. Also, please change the dog kibble to cat-size bites, and keep the price cheap, thank you.

We all thank you kindly,

gigi

[Hermione]

dear beckstra

i hope you feel better :)

love me

[priceyfatprude]

Dear Brett Favre:

Eat a bag of dicks. I fvcking hate you.

Love,

AimeeOk. It's football season again ZeMonkeys. Bear w/me.

Dear Brett Favre,

If you could possibly just munch on your bag of dicks quietly whilst I speak, that would be great.

I don't have any blood pressure medicine left in this house. I go pick up my refill tomorrow before work.

The score was 7-26. What do you think that does to my blood pressure? Jesus H Titties, Favre, stop putting me through this!!! Why not play football like you used to? Fake left, fake right, HAIL MARY! 3-4 touchdowns in the first half. We love that! That's the kind of football your fans are used to now, ****er! This "wait til the last 2 minutes & win by a nose" didn't work for you the last 3 games. Now we're 0-4, dicksmack.

Cordially,

Aimee

[priceyfatprude]

Dear John Madden,

WHY AREN'T YOU DEAD YET???? ALL THOSE YEARS OF FOOTBALL, COACHING, HOT DOGS, BRATS, RED MEAT, YOU SHOULD BE IN A ****ING GRAVE!!!!!!!!!!

OR AT LEAST SOMEWHERE TIED TO A CHAIR W/A SMELLY JOCKSTRAP STUFFED IN YOUR MOUTH SO YOU CAN'T COMMENTATE FOOTBALL GAMES.

Just an idea.

-me

[madasacutsnake]

Ok. It's football season again ZeMonkeys. Bear w/me.



Haha. If they can bear with me over a game which only one other person on this board knows the rules of (if we don't count Ron Price), they can bear with you.

[bealeblues]

^^^ she likes the packers though. no excusing that....

[Hermione]

dear allergies,

please go away.

me


dear quiz on friday,

please don't be hard. i don't have time to study for you.

surbhi

[priceyfatprude]

^^^ she likes the packers though. no excusing that....Two words for you, Jack.

General Sherman.

[smellyrayzin]

dear ***********,

remember when i didnt hate you?


yeah, me neither.

- susie

[Max Headroom]

Dear Susie,

That made my day

- Max

[bealeblues]

General Sherman

lucky for you i'm not from atlanta. you're dangerously close to being off the confederate save list

[RuneT]

Dear women

Why do you go through multiple personality changes through life?

Love, sombody that used to know you

[karma_queen]

dear fire alarm
please don't go off in the early hours again
thanks ever so
kq

[Clytie]

dear dale,
i am sick and tired of all of your complaining. if you dont want to learn...why are you in college? maybe you should shave once in a while...tuck your shirt in and last but not least... BUY CLOTHES THAT FIT YOU!!!!!
hearts and sunshine
cly

[Max Headroom]

Dear Downstairs Neighbour:

Why were the police ringing my doorbell looking for you at 4:00 AM on saturday morning? What is it that you are up to? In another question, why did you leave the central vacuume running for 3 hours last night? If you are wondering why it stopped, it's because I finaly unplugged it after pounding on your door a few times. Oh yes, one other thing... Could you let me know why you were spoking around last night out back, and why this morning at 7 there was a woman pounding on your back door begging you to open up? There was a man there too, he did not seem to think it was so cool. neither did I since it's a holiday and I was looking forward to sleeping in.

Any way, just curious. The techno and bongos at 5:00 AM I can usualy handle... this however is a bit much.

Cheers,

Max

[madasacutsnake]

Dear Clytie,

I like it when you're bad. Even if it did make me picture a truck full of manure being poured on the Easter Bunny.

Love Snake

[craig johnston]

you're dangerously close to being on the confederate slave list

:eek:

[craig johnston]

Dear Rune,
I know where you're coming from.
Good luck!
Craig

[karma_queen]

dear alarm clock
why on earth is your snooze button so hard to find, but your off button so easy?
kq x

[trisherina]

Dear thing:

Thanks for the reprieve over Thanksgiving. That was a kind thing to do for my family. Much obliged.

Bitte,
Trish

[craig johnston]

dear insane neighbour,
please stop hammering on the wall, it is disturbing.
so are you, by the way.
peace,
craig

[Hermione]

dear classes

why must you be so boring

me

[smellyrayzin]

EVEN THOUGH YOU ARE GONE
YOU STILL MANAGE TO HURT ME EVERYDAY.
CONGRATS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

- ME

[karma_queen]

dear eurostar
please send me a free ticket. in return, you'll get a hug
kq

[priceyfatprude]

Dear Volunteer Organizations Everywhere:



I'm tired.



Tired of hearing about how no one wants to run the volunteer activities (secretary, treasurer, etc)....

Only to have every idea anyone gives you shot down at a meeting. Or when they show up to volunteer, you nitpik over the littlest, most unimportant minutiae of the job they are doing. Which is handing out candy bars once they are paid for. Not even taking money! Just handing out candy bars? How can there POSSIBLY be a wrong way to do that? You are a control freak, and that is the real reason no one wants to help.


Tired of being asked & agreeing to volunteer my time...

Only to be taken advantage of in the extreme. I signed up for 5:30-10:30. To ask me to come "a little early" to help set up was almost acceptable. I mean, really folks, if you're going to have committees, have a separate setup committee. Don't ask people who generously gave of their time in the first place for more time. You know that them saying no makes them feel bad, which makes YOU the asshole here.

But asking me to come from 10:30am-2:30pm, then from 5:30pm-10:30pm? Knowing I'd get roped into staying even later to help clean up?

I DON'T EVEN WORK 12+ HOURS FOR OVERTIME AT MY JOB THAT PAYS ME MONEY, YOU DAFT C*NT, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I WOULD DO IT FOR A VOLUNTEER ORGANIZATION???!?!?!?!?!?!??!!

No wonder I got sick that week.

Yours,

Pricey

PS Leaving a msg on my machine this week feigning concern for my well being took the cake.

[Gatsby]

Dear ZeFrank.com bulletin members:

Post something, fer chrissakes. What do you think is supposed to keep me entertained at work?!

-Gatsby!

[Coffee]

Dear Gatsby.

The answer to your inquiry is:

uhhh...the satisfaction of a crappy job done well???

<3
Coffee

[Gatsby]

Nope, I don't think that will do it for me. I need something more, people. C'mon!

[karma_queen]

dear gatsby
your picture scares me a little bit
love, kq

[Gatsby]

dear kq,

ambo's always freaked me out.

-gatsby

[priceyfatprude]

Dear Flu Shot,

I love you.

I love what you do for me.

But love's not supposed to hurt. I learned that in an afterschool special.

And you hurt like a mother****er right now. My poor arm!

And the thing is, just like in the afterschool special, I'm going to come back for more next year. It's almost like I'm asking for the pain. :(

Still, thanks, I guess.

Yours,

Peef

[trisherina]

Dear Student Nurse who gave me my flu shot:

Have you seen my arm? I mean, did you look at my arm while you were drawing that up?

I know they told you to use a 1 and 1/2 inch needle for an IM. And they were right. When you're putting it in someone's ventrogluteal, that's generally a good idea. Not always, but I digress.

When you are looking at a deltoid, or really the absence of much of a deltoid, reach for a 5/8".

But thanks for the test of my anger management skills. Did well, didn't I?

Kindest regards,
Trish

[priceyfatprude]

http://www.clappstar.com/mt/past/133_3383flushot.jpg

[Coffee]

Dear PFP.

Thank you.

<3
Coffee.

[craig johnston]

dear over paid stars at liverpool football club,
please start living up to your hype and winning some games.
you are paid more in a week than i get a year, so bloody well
do your job!
y.n.w.a.
craig

[craig johnston]

^^^^
blimey, it worked!
:)

[karma_queen]

dear starbucks
please stop making your gingerbread lattes so delicious. i don't like buying coffee from you, what with you being the spawn of satan and all, but your gingerbread lattes are forcing me to do things that i don't want to do.
kq

[priceyfatprude]

Dear PFP.

Thank you.

<3
Coffee.Dear Coffee,

Thank you for putting up w/my boring, tired ass. I hope you had a good time here. :)

Lasagne,

Peef

[trisherina]

Dear E.:

Don't think you can debate me just because you're mad, because you haven't thought all that much about what you read, and I caught you trying to regurgitate artfully. You'll just get madder, and everyone will see, and you won't like it. As you wish, though, if we must.

Regards,
Superfoot Wallace

[Frieda]

dear TPG post,


please PLEASE print my hasselhoff stamps this time. i know i don't have the legal right to use the image but PLEASE dont turn me down again!!

thanks in advance!

frieda

[lapietra]

Dear Chinese people,

Thank you for creating such a wonderful, delicious and varied cuisine. Thank you for your soups. Thank you for bright orange sweet-and-sour sauce, and bright pink char siu; for fermented black bean and garlic sauce (drool); for snow peas and "Chinese broccoli"; for fortune cookies; for providing countless perfect backdrops for shrimp and scallops; for kung pao anything; for lo mein (what on *earth* do you do to noodles that makes them so heavenly?); for green tea and lychee nut ice cream; for moon cakes... Don't get me started on dim sum - I'll be here for days. Thank you for your BEER! and for chopsticks, and little cups of hot jasmine tea. And oranges for dessert.
I've left out a whole bunch, I know, but mostly I wanted to thank you for making it all affordable on the cheap, and so pretty. You rock. :)
Love,
Lala

[smellyrayzin]

dear margarita,

you aren't making this research paper any easier.
wtf?

- susie

[Zeismyhero]

Dear Hair -

I am going to dye you brown. Well, I mean I'm gonna ask that nice lady at the shoppe to do it. But yeah, you're gonna be brown, and I don't want any lip about it.

So be brown and look hot, dammit!

S

[Jack Flanders]

Dear Public Service Electric and Gas (PSE&G),

Thank you so much for maintaining your utility wires so that they'll fall down twice in one week, of course at night, and cause our power to shut off. I had so much fun looking for the only working flashlight (torch to you Brits) in the house that I woke up nearly the whole neighborhood with my tirade.

I know you didn't plan on the 2" of rain that fell while the lights were out and with no electricity, my sump pump couldn't work. I really had fun hauling all those many buckets of water out of my basement by candle light. It was so romantic with my hair streaming and my jeans slapping water. But, hey, I got to meet some new neighbors. They also say thank you.

Sincerely,

Account #46930584395736



(I think I feel better but I'm still tired and sore. :mad: :mad: :mad: )

[madasacutsnake]

Dear Megan,

I am so not sorry that we had that conversation five and a half years ago. You could make me wait forever for a damn conference date and it would still have been worth it to have heard you do the telephone equivalent of a blanch.

My only wish is that the $$ were coming out of your own personal bank account because babe, it's all about you. You pissed me off. And if there's a way to let the people who count know it, I'll find it.

May you never have to live through what I have because as the saying goes, I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy.

Me and Father O' Leary cordially invite you to do the anatomically impossible,

Snake

[Hermione]

Dear Snake,

I like you :) How is little snake?

[madasacutsnake]

I think she's really good. I'm making dinner for her right now.

[priceyfatprude]

Dear Megan,

I am so not sorry that we had that conversation five and a half years ago. You could make me wait forever for a damn conference date and it would still have been worth it to have heard you do the telephone equivalent of a blanch.

My only wish is that the $$ were coming out of your own personal bank account because babe, it's all about you. You pissed me off. And if there's a way to let the people who count know it, I'll find it.

May you never have to live through what I have because as the saying goes, I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy.

Me and Father O' Leary cordially invite you to do the anatomically impossible,

SnakeDear Mappatassie,

Does this mean you're not coming to visit next summer?

All about me,
Your favorite filthy cow

[craig johnston]

dear snake,
at this point i can only quote the mighty frieda;
'WEED!'
heh,
;) cj

[madasacutsnake]

Dear David,

Thanks for apologising even if it were via the facility owner. In turn I'll tell the police that's it's all OK now because I completely understand that your behaviour was the result of you having "a bad day".

No, really, I do.

Yours,

Snake.

PS Note the lack of profanity and the calm and even tone.

If you knew me better you would know that this is a very, very dangerous thing.

I don't scare easy but the moment you messed with my nurses it was Game Over.

[Jack Flanders]

^^^
Dear David,

You are a mean SOB. You made our Snake to bite her tongue. Be prepared - the Snake is watching!!

[beckstra]

Dear Thread,

Who knew you'd be so good? I did...yes, I did.

YOUR CREATOR - mwahahahahahahaha

.................................................. ........................

Dear Boy with hair like mine,

You lead good, even if you are always a little tipsy and end up making me wack you in the head with my elbow .every. Friday night. You always smell real good like apples and whisky even though you say it's alcohol and Old Spice, you have unsweaty hands even after you've danced with half the floor of girls, and you don't treat me completely infirior for anticipating. You are a touchy-feely person who isn't afraid to give my shoulder an approving rub and I know you have no clue but you give me butterfiles like you wouldn't believe. It's okay if I remind you of pumpkin pie. It just gives me a giggle.

Please come to my Christmas party and help me make memories of you in my own home so I have something to daydream about when you ultimately end up breaking my heart.

Kristin's Sister

.................................................. ..............

Dear Andrew,

You're a great lead. You're also cute. You're also nice. No matter what your little brother says. He has no clue.

Becki

.................................................. ...............

Dear Billy and Lindsay,

I'm so sorry about pastor John. I would take the whole morning back if I could. Truth is, I don't like him about as much as you do. I just suffer through him because I know that some day he'll get the hint and find someone else to do the preaching. I wish you'd come back because my sister and I want to be your friends as much as you want us to be yours. I realize that doesn't really have to be something you have to do in order for us to be friends, but it would surely be a catalyst for conversations I know you're dying to have because you're not sure what you're wanting to ask.

Becki

.................................................. .............

Dear Secret Santa,

You suck. It's been 3 weeks since the deadline and you still haven't sent me SQUAT. Bugger.

beckstraordinary

.................................................. ................

Dear Jesus,

It's been a good 2 months. Please help me not to kill it.

Amen.

[madasacutsnake]

Dear Beckstra,

Thanks for starting the thread

Dear Margaret,

Thanks for being psychic, appearing at the door and saying "What's happened here tonight, I just knew that I had to come..?"

Snake xxx

[madasacutsnake]

Dear Fig Jam,

I was going to inform you that I had removed all the Post It notes to the locked cupboard. I was going to do this in the hope that if you had to actually put your feet down from the desk and walk somewhere to retrieve them it may discourage you from using them to stick ridiculous messages on things. Demanding that they be attended to. By some-one else. Not you. Because we all know by now that whatever it is, it's certainly not your job.

However I've changed my mind. Now I am collecting and storing them for use at a later date.

That "this is terribly messy" note? It's going in Matron's locked filing cabinet just as soon as I find that she has forgotten to lock it before leaving one night. (Yes. By the way, thanks for the belly laugh when I saw that you had ticked "excellent" on every single item on your appraisal forms).

That "I'm too busy to do photocopying. Could the 'powers that be' ensure that it's done?" note? It's going on some porn which I will print out and leave in the staff room.

The possibilities are endless, limited only by the amount of Post It note notes which you can churn out. Um, yeah, like I said. The possibilities are endless.

Best Regards,

Snake

[RuneT]

Dear neck. I know you are in pain, but do you really have to remind me about it all the time? I have stuff to do! Please stop annoying me.

Love, Head.

[Zeismyhero]

Dear Snake -

If you save those post its from Fig Jam, you can do this with them! www.yikes.com/~pengo/8bit/

Enjoy and smile,
Serena

Dear Boyfriend -

Please know that I didn't mean that I didn't want you with me for my surgery. I really need you there, actually. I'm terrified. I just don't want you to miss your son's school event. I love you both and hate that my problem will inconvenience anyone. I never want either of you to be disappointed.

Deep and increasing love,
Your Best Girl

Dear Body -

What the f*ck!? If you do...I will be so unbelievably pissed. I have exercised you and fed you marvelously healthy vegetarian cuisine. I quit smoking and decreased drinking...I have been GOOD to you. How can you do this to me? Just when my life is starting to be really fun. You better not be doing what I fear you're doing...

And you are seriously f*cking up the holidays. So stop it.

Your Brain

[madasacutsnake]

Dear Zeismyhero,

Bwahahaha.

Snake

PS the surgery will be cool

[Zeismyhero]

Thanks, Snake...you're a peach. :)

[Hermione]

dear quiz on friday

don't be too difficult

me

dear professor

you are so nice for giving me an extension on my paper.

me

[beckstra]

Dear Ben Folds,

I *heart* you.

becki

.................................................. .......

Dear swing dancing friends,

I'm wearing the pink 70s ruffle collar shirt tonight. WATCHOUT!

becki