we make things up about each other

[Marcus Bales]

Craig Johnston has earned his outrageous living for decades by teaching 8-year-olds to tap-dance in Lima, Peru by transactional touch from his home in Philadelphia. He has developed a cult-like following among the parents of his students since, because they cannot see him in the class, they can only feel his hands directing their movements, they come to believe he is with them always, and behave remarkably well in all other situations, as well. Known as "El Ono" (The One) his biggest problem is dealing with the volume of hate-mail directed at Yoko, whom he has never met in person, for breaking up the Beatles.

[lukkucairi]

Marcus has cornered the midwest hay market, and is the head of the secret agri-mafia behind ADM and Monsanto. He keeps a secret lab stocked with genetic engineers working to realize his lifelong dream: CORNZILLA!

[Brynn]

12' razormix is the chief camera operator and artistic director for a company that specializes in videotaping the final words and wishes of the dying, and often is the very last person someone will see or talk to in their final confessional moments. She considers this sacred work, and is often so burdened by what she has seen and heard that in order to rid herself of heaviness, she cage dances in a miniskirt and white boots at a local dance club entirely devoted to sixties' music.

[Brynn]

TIP always keeps origami paper in his back pocket with romantic poetry he cribs from Pablo Neruda penciled faintly on the back. He can fold a crane out of this in less than 30 seconds, and in random places likes to let the wind take it out of his hands on blustery days.

[Brynn]

Odbe has been entering Crayola Crayon's annual "Name The New Crayon Color Contest" since she was eight years old, and few know that she once won six consecutive years under various aliases until she was finally discovered and asked to retire from the competition in order to give others a chance. Even so, Crayola put her on the judge's panel. It is but one of the many highlights of her year to officiate.

[brightpearl]

TIP always keeps origami paper in his back pocket with romantic poetry he cribs from Pablo Neruda penciled faintly on the back. He can fold a crane out of this in less than 30 seconds, and in random places likes to let the wind take it out of his hands on blustery days.

No, no...you've gotten him confused with me.

[Coffee]

Brynn randomly calls 10 phone numbers each and every day and leaves the following message "Thank you for all the things you do each day that help to make life nicer for people around you, have a nice day".

[lukkucairi]

Coffee is a world-champion kite flyer, and won the regional title this year in Lahore, Pakistan.

[Tunesmith]

lukkucairi once attended a tour of the Ben & Jerry's Ice Cream Factory, and inspired the Chocolate Therapy™ flavor when she commented to Ben of Ben & Jerry's that the Chocolate Fudge Brownie™ was "missing something".

[Bman]

Tunesmith is the last and sole subscriber to Jello enthusiast monthly magazine and enjoys weekly games of badminton with Bill Cosby himself.

[craig johnston]

bman got his name due to his unhealthy obsession with birmingham.
he simply adores all things brummie. jasper carrott, ozzie osbourne,
the bull ring. he just can't get enough of that west midlands
thing. he even called his first child 'balti'.

:eek:

[daverbee]

Coffee has a turkey gizzard collection. It's so massive he has to store it in a warehouse the size of Valdosta, Georgia.

[Veruki]

daverbee was once stranded on the lost island of hokey poki, where the natives considered him a god. unfortunately he was accidentially rescued and no one has been able to help him find the island since.

[lukkucairi]

Veruki holds the world record for alpine shirt-ironing (47 seconds at 15,200 feet).

[Marcus Bales]

Lukkucairi was once secretly married to Trent Reznor and still gets tearful calls from him nearly every week begging for a reconciliation.

[Brynn]

Coffee hoards bubblewrap exclusively for illustrious international guests on his boat and brings it out as a way to encourage detente between warring heads of state.

[Odbe]

Veruki grows poisonous plants at the bottom of her garden and conspires to kill her neighbours, but when it comes to it she always gets cold feet at the last minute.

[Veruki]

In my defense...my nieghbors are really mean people! They used to dump their garbage in our designated spot days before pick up and then call the city to complain, and they called the police on us on the forth of july for shooting fire works past 10 pm. I could go on forever...

Odbe used to be a world class con-artist working under the alias Puffietoosh.

[lukkucairi]

daverbee has been hired by the FDA to color-code their pollen-grain collection

http://i48.photobucket.com/albums/f204/hedonisticpleasureseeker/strictly%20personal/PollenMixb.jpg

[craig johnston]

lukkucairi lives in a trailer park near helsinki.
she has bleach blond hair and drives a tractor.
her neighbours call her snugglebutt.

[Marcus Bales]

Craig Johnson works in Washington DC as a lobbyist for the oil industry. Known for his gold-tipped tassled loafers and Black Watch Tartan suspenders, he spends his days buying things for legislators, their aides, and their families in order to influence their votes against new CAFE standards and in favor of a longer war in Iraq.

[craig johnston]

macrus, enticed by my suspenders, has now decided to only
write poems in favour of wars in general, and the iraqi war
in particular.
he thinks this will make him a 'war poet' like rupert broooke,
wilfred owen and barry manilow. he is wrong.

[Brynn]

When Brightpearl was 13, she got her nickname from a handsome local pearl diver who fell in love with her on a family vacation to Hawaii. Without her parents' permission, he took her around Honolulu in his white convertible, and even managed to secret her into various clubs because he knew all the doormen. Then he took her on a very romantic drive to his favorite make-out spot at the top of Mt. Pali Lookout. Just as he was about to pluck her flower, the police arrived and arrested him for kidnapping and molestation. She's written to him in jail ever since, and at one point promised to marry him when he got out. Now she's not so sure, and is currently wondering how to break it to him.

[brightpearl]

Coffee drinks only tea. Decaf.

[Coffee]

gasssssppppp!!!

brightpearl is a small white agate that was run through a rock polisher.:p

[Brynn]

HFox collects agates of all shapes and colors and superglues them into pretty patterns to the back of his closet door so he can meditate upon them on the floor in there alone amongst the flowing white robes his favorite uncle brought him from a trip to the Arab Emirates when he was 12.
He also keeps a hookah in there, and a special glowing astronomy globe from the Discovery Store that he ordered online once when he was very drunk. That's why there's an extension cord coming out of the closet. He tells inquisitive guests "Oh, that's my portable planetarium in there!" and they laugh politely and think he's joking.

[craig johnston]

brynn has once again shocked the porno industry (no easy thing to do), by teaming up with a bunch of shanghai shadies to open up a sister website to her world famous 'hot asian chix'. noting the shift in world economic power towards china, the new site will be aimed at the burgeoning chinese internut porn market.
the new site will be called 'hot western chix', and will feature 'tasteful' pictures of ladies in the nip. if you are a comely wench between 18-80 with very little shame and your own lipstick, brynn would love to hear from you.

[Marcus Bales]

Brightpearl's second job is undressing like Madonna at Texas Republican smoke-filled back-room gatherings. Even though she's approaching 40, her diet of barbecue and beer, together with her rigorous fitness regime of sinuously avoiding groping hands while seeming to invite them, has kept her at the top of the Texas Republican smoke-filled back-room gathering entertainment business. She is now so wealthy that she subsidizes the Zefrank bulletin board by paying Ze's monthly bandwidth bill.

[Marcus Bales]

Brynn, jealous of Brightpearl's success, has for years tried to emulate her, but Democrats in Minnesota are simply not as aggressively forward with their groping, so her exercise regime has never been very rigorous, and now the barbecue and beer diet is starting to catch up to her. Stirred into action by these recent events, Brynn has given up her lifelong ambition to be just like Brightpearl, and has entered the astronaut training program. She will be on the shuttle mission to refurbish the Hubble Space Telescope.

[brightpearl]

TIP has 7 toes on each foot.

[Marcus Bales]

TIP has 7 toes on each foot.

Well, if you call those "toes", I guess so. They're really more like ... well, I'd better not say. This is a family bulletin board!

Brightpearl sings the blues every third week on Austin City Limits even though she refuses to sleep with the producer. She's THAT good.

[Marcus Bales]

Beckstra has written a famous hit song and is working on her first CD to be released on RCA in late 2007. The working title is "Habaneros for the Masses" and will feature Carlos Santana on guitar.

[Marcus Bales]

Hyakujo's Fox drives a Jaguar with the bumpersticker "My other ride is your wife".

[craig johnston]

the first lord tuba of northampton was in the front line at agincourt, slew 34 french nobles and sired 56 children. his grandson built the imposing tuba hall on their estate, which is now the city of milton keynes. the 58 bedroomed mansion was destroyed by fire in 1702 after an accident in the kitchen caused by tobias tuba who was conducting experiments in alchemy. since then the family has somewhat gone to the dogs. when some of them moved to california in the 1860s they were still able to take with them a retinue that included 17 milkmaids and a mandolin player, but now, the only living relative, a mr funkolicious tuba, lives in a trailer park and earns his living recycling computers.

[trisherina]

Marcus Bales has his own cable TV show, airing to the metropolitan area weekday afternoons at 3:30. He films it at his mall kiosk, allowing for real-time promotion and sometimes brisk sales of his extensive collection of baseball memorabilia, but usually his wares are just in the background as he shows off to the camera his not inconsiderable talent at Wilton cake decoration. The memorable "sheet cake pool table with pink meringue elephant players" episode averages 200 hits a day on youtube.

[craig johnston]

Trisherina is a soft drink. Long, tall, cool and wonderfully refreshing.

[lukkucairi]

craig johnston is a surly welshman who enjoys growing dahlias.

[brightpearl]

^psst, lukku....The things in this thread are supposed to be made up.

[lukkucairi]

oh! erm...ahem...yes. let me see:

craig johnston is the scion of the world's largest tweezer-manufacturing family, and has been trained since birth to pluck all his leg hair religiously every ten days.

crap, that's true as well?

um, try this one: craig johnston is stendhal's little brother and he's 150 years old. he has sustained himself to this great age by rigorous application of the bile of highland cattle to his occiput every 6 hours. he has a little bald spot. go look!

[brightpearl]

Lukkucairi invented the Ginsu knife while on a romantic boating trip in the Azores with Thor Heyerdahl. He was so bereft when she left him for a shaved ice and pickle merchant that he set out to sail across the Pacific ocean in the Kon-Tiki in an attempt at emotional recovery.

The Ginsu knife has gone on to set over 3 million units. Thor died alone in a hermit's hut in 2002, clutching only his Ginsu knife for consolation in his last hours. Lukkucairi stil feels a little bit bad about it, but look at the way she can slice a tomato.
http://www.savourtheflavours.co.uk/assets/images/tomato_slicing.jpg

[lukkucairi]

brightpearl is the inventrix of the KOOL AID DILL! (http://www.nytimes.com/2007/05/09/dining/09kool.html?ex=1336536000&en=875172136fcdd722&ei=5124&partner=digg&exprod=digg)

[Marcus Bales]

Trisherina plays tenor sax in a famous jazz orchestra, and travels all over the world bringing her sassy interpretation of big band music to the public. Recently she was chosen in a Rolling Stone poll as "Best Female Tenor Player", recognition she despises because who wants to be "Best Female" instead of just "Best" -- particularly considering who was "Best Male".

[craig johnston]

^^
me!

:)

[priceyfatprude]

Daverbee is a corporate giant. He is the CEO of a large company & has no time for nature or animals.

[priceyfatprude]

Also he is a vegetarian.

[Coffee]

Priceyfatprude is a Thriftyslenderprostitute.

[trisherina]

OMIGOD! She's PRETTY WOMAN!

[Marcus Bales]

CJ has recently been in the news for raising fantoccini in his back yard in Nova Scotia. No one has been able to grow fantoccini in Zone 6 before,and even Jack is impressed.

[daverbee]

Daverbee is a corporate giant. He is the CEO of a large company & has no time for nature or animals.

I CRUSH your corporate headquarters with my massive foot!!!!!

Also he is a vegetarian.

Actually, I'm an omnivore. I'll eat anything that will further my career.

Priceyfatprude is that guy you see in car ads waving his arms in the air and yelling at you to buy a car from him and only him.
No, wait, that's Bales.
Priceyfatprude is that slim, svelte blonde you see in car ads seducing you into buying a car from her and only her.
No, wait, that's lukku.
One more try. Priceyfatprude is that poor guy who was intimidated into buying a car from Bales. He was seduced by lukku the next day and is now searching for a house with a two car garage.

[Marcus Bales]

Daverbee is the model Peter Steiner used for his famous cartoon

http://www.unc.edu/depts/jomc/academics/dri/idog.html

[daverbee]

Marcus Bales looks up at me in awe:

http://www.unc.edu/depts/jomc/academics/dri/idog.html

[Marcus Bales]

Well, sure, that goes without saying, but here's a better picture:

http://wvs.topleftpixel.com/photos/2007/02/turbo_high-angle_01.jpg

[Brynn]

Marcus first began hitting me up for money when he found out I was employed by NASA to fix the Hubble, claiming that if I could fix a telescope, I could certainly help get his teeth fixed. To this day he keeps sending me pms asking me if I want to see pictures of him without his teeth in, and I always say yes please I'd like that but he never sends them :confused:

[brightpearl]

TIPitty-do-dah keeps a small silver knife under his pillow. He uses it to pick beef jerky out of his teeth when he can't sleep. He is unaware that it once belonged to Napoleon's stable boy.

There's a room in Marcus' house that has bookshelves covering every wall. In the southwest corner of the room, on the third shelf from the top, there is a small figurine of a skeleton dressed as a ballerina. If you tilt it to the left, a panel opens up behind it, revealing Marcus' secret stash of macaroons.

ezra can tie his shoes using only the first two fingers of his left hand.

Brynn once kissed the second undersecretary for the Minister of Finance of Spain at a Flamenco convention in Whangerei, New Zealand. She only pretended he was Antonio Banderas for a minute or two. He said he would return her castanets to her the next day, but he kept them as a souvenir instead. On warm nights during mango season, he still thinks of her.

Rune T only eats things seasoned liberally with caraway seeds, unless there is lemon in it, in which case dill will do.

Every morning when she wakes up, Lukku has a short-duration hallucination in which the ceiling fan turns into a giant squid and winks at her. She's grown accustomed to it and has named it Fergus.

Odbe knows how to cook the perfect Bananas Foster, but she only does it for that friend of hers who always wears those tiny brass articulated goldfish earrings. She always flames the sauce with the perfect flourish of the wrist.

Hfox once won an Indochine concubine in a poker game. He let her go of course, and helped her get a job teaching belly dancing to wealthy socialites. He still brings her children exotic candy, such as Mars bars, on special occasions. For reasons he doesn't understand, they call him "Uncle Mickey," and he laughs.

Stephi possesses a point mutation on her 12th chromosome from her father's side which gives her the ability to metabolize lead into gold. As a strict adherent to a macrobiotic diet, she is careful to avoid exposure to various environmental toxins however, and so her gift remains undetected.

[Stephi_B]

Back then in the late 90s when Perla and me used to kinda run the demimonde in an illustrious city, Perla discovered her passion for nano-calligraphy: All the false money leaving our house was inscribed by her with poems, short stories and witty anecdotes. A shame that most of this precious art collection (in it's nanoness way ahead of its time!!) was destroyed by police....

[Marcus Bales]

Remember the "wardrobe malfunction"? That was Perla dancing as Janet Jackson's body double.

[funkytuba]

Marcus Bales singlehandedly designed and implemented the drainage system at Disneyland. Then he went mad at being called the Effluent Imagineer.

[Marcus Bales]

Funkytuba, after failing to win his third Super Bowl ring, retired to his ranch in Somalia, where he imports firearms and ammunition, and exports captured commercial vessels.

[funkytuba]

Brightpearl uses foie gras as a condiment and ketchup as an entree in her suspiciously named bistro Irony

[Marcus Bales]

Ironicduck owns a popular wat in Bangkok, and makes his living by surreptitiously removing the gold foil pressed onto the Buddha's statue every day by people in memory of their dearly departeds, and melting it down to sell to the international gold foil cartel.

[brightpearl]

When Funkytuba visits my cafe, he asks us to turn the music down.

[Bman]

Brightpearl works as a magician in the subway, rabbits, doves and all.

[trisherina]

ironicgoose is single-parenting a boy and a girl whose mother succumbed to a hantavirus while working for Medecins Sans Frontieres, and supports his family working at home, selling Avon collectibles on eBay.

[lukkucairi]

Bman's superhero alter-ego, the Numismatist, can disable a lurking super-criminal by hand-flicking high-velocity kruggerands from a distance of up to half a mile.

[Marcus Bales]

The dreams Lukkucairi dreams really do come true.

[Marcus Bales]

Hyakujo's Fox is a scrabble shark who makes his living taking money from naive Americans he meets online who think that no Australian can be good at a word game.

[brightpearl]

zero makes little models of people walking down his street and plays weird games with them.

http://sites.google.com/site/toozoofoo/notice.jpg

[Bman]

Marcus Bales took the cookie from the cookie jar.

[Marcus Bales]

Bman took his talents to South Beach, where he is now writing Dave Barry's old column; evenings and weekends he practices on the locals while he waits for Lukku to realize that no one can sort boxes as he can, and join him to drive to Key West, where he is buying the house in which he hopes to live with her, there to raise Hemingway cats and applaud the sunsets.

[lukkucairi]

Marcus Bales is Dr. Evil.

[Marcus Bales]

Lukkucairi is Elizabeth Windsor.

[Bman]

Lukkucairi and Marcus Bales have two halves of a magic amulet and when they unite them they will fulfill the prophecy.

[Marcus Bales]

Bman is working desperately to keep Lukkucairi and me from uniting the two halves of the magic amulet. Right now his box-sorting skills have been adequate to the task of distracting Lukku from her destiny, but soon, soon! she will break his spell and come to me!

[brightpearl]

When Lulu walks in the room, they all stick to her instead.

<iframe src="http://player.vimeo.com/video/23155536?title=0&amp;byline=0&amp;portrait=0&amp;color=ff9933" width="400" height="225" frameborder="0"></iframe><p><a href="http://vimeo.com/23155536">F5 2011 RE:PLAY Film Festival. Inductance</a> from <a href="http://vimeo.com/physaliastudio">Physalia Studio</a> on <a href="http://vimeo.com">Vimeo</a>.</p>

[12"razormix]

<iframe src="http://player.vimeo.com/video/7401272?title=0&amp;byline=0&amp;portrait=0" width="750" height="422" frameborder="0" webkitAllowFullScreen allowFullScreen></iframe>

[funkytuba]

12"razormix's sneezes are powerful. so powerful they have been known to knock the telephone over and dial emergency services from 15 feet across the room

[Brynn]

funkytuba makes little hats for his cats, photographs them, then sends them fake extortion notes.

[funkytuba]

Brynn switched coaches a while back, I think she realized that her last one was a little deficient in the 110% department

[Brynn]

funkytuba calms himself by stroking his perfectly seasoned cast iron skillet.

[funkytuba]

brightpearl's applies differential calculus to running marathons... instead of running all 26 miles at a time, she runs 52,800 mini-thons of 2.6 feet. It seems to work.

[brightpearl]

^No, that one's true. :D

Brynn once took a vow of silence for an entire year after accidentally slamming a tiny yellow butterfly in the door of her 1992 Citroën.

[funkytuba]

Bales has lost track of the number of times some random person has walked up to him at a bus stop, looked him in the face, stomped on his toes, and walked away in a huff. For that reason he has joined a subscription steel-toed-shoes-of-the-month club.

[YsaPur EsChomuw]

Frieda keeps a spittoon in a birdcage and trains it to waltz with croissants on brushy pasturelands.

[brightpearl]

http://www.montrealgazette.com/technology/5741034.bin

Mr Ezra and his ladyfriend don't get out much since they started in the competitive knitting circuit.

Zormix sometimes wears a special jumper in support of the team.

[Brynn]

A very old, locked cargo trunk full of antique magician's props sits boarded up behind a false wall in brightpearl's basement.

[Brynn]

zero and 12"razormix first met as children in a dream about a school trip to a French umbrella factory.

[Bman]

Brynn's avatar is an actual picture of her practicing hydromancy.

[funkytuba]

bman just launched his Next Generation cocktail shakers. They're perfect spheres which allow a bartender to turn shaking duty for drinks containing fruit juice over to the local 9 & under soccer team and save his arms

[funkytuba]

Ysa went down to the bay and made sure to plant some yams next to the watermelons. Wouldn't want them to get lonely.

[YsaPur EsChomuw]

MoJoRiSin practices saying "Notwithstanding" in various pitches of voice in front of the mirror every morning, in preparation for her upcoming speech on the secret life of fire ants.

[YsaPur EsChomuw]

brightpearl knits scarfs and gloves out of broken crayons for the little creatures that live under her sink.

[YsaPur EsChomuw]

Having perfected his barnacle sandwich recipe, Coffee is now contemplating a suitable and marketable name for it.

[Brynn]

Ysa SINGS! (http://wizzard.tv/shows/parterrebox/1659927)

[Coffee]

Brynn and Ysa trained dillegently to be understudies for the Andrew Sisters tribute band...which unfortunately never received any interest from any recording company. They call each other twice weekly to practice regardless...just in case.

[lukkucairi]

Coffee secretly prefers rooibos.

[funkytuba]

lukku tunes Harry Connick Jr's pianos. All 236 of them, around the world.

[funkytuba]

Coffee's extreme fear of motion has led him to some desperate lengths. His house, even though it's built on clear bedrock, has pylons every meter driven down into the bedrock *under* the bedrock. He has qualified for Amazon MegaPrime, a service for their ultimate customers where his orders are put into a separate queue and shot ballistically from their warehouses to land in a specially installed automated retrieval net dangling from the frontage of his house. This top secret service has a direct line into NORAD so they can stay appraised of any deliveries and remove them from the Big Board. He never has to drive if he doesn't want to, and he usually doesn't want to.

[Coffee]

funkytuba is the wheels behind the wheels behind the wheels that get things done. He despises public notice or acclaim, and especially wishes to avoid responsibility for his directions and whims, so he affects a 'harmless geek' persona and works undercover in the mail room at an influential power broker and lobbying firm. From this strategic location funkytuba influences world policy by inserting small modifications into intercepted mail missives to the upper echelons of the world. funkytuba realized long ago that adding a simple "n't to the end of a "do", or even just the addition of quotation marks to select words can have radical effects on policy decisions. Unfortunately for the world...or fortunately, funkytuba likes chaos, and has no egalitarian or "evil plans", but rather just enjoys yanking the public chain around in random directions.

[Coffee]

lukkucairi has a light body odor that smells just like licorice...the black kind...not like red ropes, which are actually cherry flavored and Not licorice at all.

[Brynn]

Not many people know this, but it was actually Bman's idea to get Bill Clinton to plug Spielberg's "Lincoln" at the Golden Globes last night.