Limericks for the Purist (communal)

[Hyakujo's Fox]

A hurricane known as Katrina
Had a dark and stormy demeanour

[trisherina]

A hurricane known as Katrina
Had a dark and stormy demeanour
And left quite a mess --

[dddrum]

A hurricane known as Katrina
Had a dark and stormy demeanour
And left quite a mess
At my southern address

[Marcus Bales]

A hurricane known as Katrina
Had a dark and stormy demeanour
And left quite a mess
At my southern address
And Republicans hiring the cleaner.

[dddrum]

A dashing young rake named Armando

[funkytuba]

1. Three years this thread has survived
2. FART

[dddrum]

A dashing young rake named Armando
Was lord of a beach called Redondo
Right quick with the hustles,
He bristled with muscles
(Though on close look, he'd built them with Bondo)

[Marcus Bales]

A limerick writer named Dave

[dddrum]

A limerick writer named Dave
Tried, but just couldn't seem to behave

[Marcus Bales]

A limerick writer named Dave
Tried, but just couldn't seem to behave
He struggled for years

[Hyakujo's Fox]

A limerick writer named Dave
Tried, but just couldn't seem to behave
He struggled for years
To conform to his peers

[Marcus Bales]

A limerick writer named Dave
Tried, but just couldn't seem to behave
He struggled for years
To conform to his peers
And their views on dead whores in a cave.

[taramosalata]

There was once a designer named Julia

[Marcus Bales]

There once was a designer named Julia
Who'd Rome ya and then Istanbul ya

[Coffee]

There once was a designer named Julia
Who'd Rome ya and then Istanbul ya
she purchased ten opals

[Marcus Bales]

There once was a designer named Julia
Who'd Rome ya and then Istanbul ya
she purchased ten opals
in Constantinople's
bazaar with your cash, ya old fool, ya.

[Marcus Bales]

I'm tired of rhyming hard words

[lapietra]

I'm tired of rhyming hard words
On Mondays, my brain's like a birds

[Jack Flanders]

I'm tired of rhyming hard words
On Mondays, my brain's like a bird
But on Tuesday, I find

[lapietra]

I'm tired of rhyming hard words
On Mondays, my brain's like a bird's
But on Tuesday, I find
I'm losing my mind

[Marcus Bales]

I'm tired of rhyming hard words
On Mondays, my brain's like a bird's
But on Tuesday, I find
I'm losing my mind
Not in sevenths but quickly in thirds.

[Jack Flanders]

Our beautiful birds are stating to move

[Marcus Bales]

Our beautiful birds start to move
In their Vs in their southerly groove

[glasshouse]

Our beautiful birds start to move
In their Vs in their southerly groove
A dark stroking wing

[Marcus Bales]

Our beautiful birds start to move
In their Vs in their southerly groove
A dark stroking wing
Departs until spring

[glasshouse]

Our beautiful birds start to move
In their Vs in their southerly groove
A dark stroking wing
Departs until spring
Great strength in long flight it does proove

[dddrum]

My mother-in-law is a dear

[jasmina]

My mother-in-law is a dear
Although sometimes I do shed a tear

[Jack Flanders]

My mother-in-law is a dear
Although sometimes I do shed a tear
When she calls eight times a night

[jasmina]

My mother-in-law is a dear
Although sometimes I do shed a tear
When she calls eight times a night
I get quite a fright

[Jack Flanders]

My mother-in-law is a dear
Although sometimes I do shed a tear
When she calls eight times a night
I get quite a fright
So it's time for another beer

[jasmina]

I thought my cat was an alien
Until she made points quite salient,

[Jack Flanders]

I thought my cat was an alien
Until she made points quite salient,
With her claws on my shoulder

[jasmina]

I thought my cat was an alien
Until she made points quite salient,
With her claws on my shoulder
She looks slightly older

[Marcus Bales]

I thought my cat was an alien
Until she made points quite salient,
With her claws on my shoulder
She looks slightly older
And sleek as an Episcopalian.

[glasshouse]

Shaniqua had one crooked finger

[Marcus Bales]

Shankiqua had one crooked finger
She used to give an extra zinger
Along the prostates
Of her high cost dates

[dddrum]

Shankiqua had one crooked finger
She used to give an extra zinger
Along the prostates
Of her high cost dates
Which put their poor nuts through the wringer

[Marcus Bales]

There once was a limerick so lewd

[glasshouse]

There once was a limerick so lewd
Its lyrics though good were eschewed

[Marcus Bales]

There once was a limerick so lewd
Its lyrics though good were eschewed
By the proper and prim,
The PC-ly grim,

[glasshouse]

There once was a limerick so lewd
Its lyrics, though good, were eschewed
By the proper and prim,
The PC-ly grim,
Who thought the youth's humor plain rude.

(F*CK yeah! I like it...)

[Marcus Bales]

When Funky met Smarty the ice

[Hyakujo's Fox]

When Funky met Smarty the ice
Was broken when within a trice

[glasshouse]

When Funky met Smarty the ice
Was broken when within a trice
Took a deuce just to mend

[Marcus Bales]

When Funky met Smarty the ice
Was broken when within a trice
Took a deuce just to mend
From "*%$#@" to "Friend"

[dddrum]

When Funky met Smarty the ice
Was broken when within a trice
Took a deuce just to mend
From "*%$#@" to "Friend"
From "an ass" to "an ace". That was nice!

[Sidebar: Marcus, would you please supply a pronunciation for the audiobook version?]

[glasshouse]

Homework, like stale chips, just sits

[trisherina]

Homework, like stale chips, just sits
Inside my computer as bits

[Marcus Bales]

Homework, like stale chips, just sits
Inside my computer as bits
Could it be my machine
Has turned a bit green
From a case of the digital sh*ts?

[Marcus Bales]

Everyone told me that you

[dddrum]

Everyone told me that you
Know that I know that you knew I knew

[Marcus Bales]

Everyone told me that you
Know that I know that you knew
That I knew, and I know
That you knew that, although

[Hyakujo's Fox]

Everyone told me that you
Know that I know that you knew
That I knew, and I know
That you knew that, although
I know you've no idea of with who

[trisherina]

A fox met a hound on a path

[Marcus Bales]

A fox met a hound on a path
And lisped "You domesticate ath,

[Con ate dog]

A fox met a hound on a path
And lisped "You domesticate ath,
Thinth you put on that collar
You come to man'th holler

[Marcus Bales]

A fox met a hound on a path
And lisped "You domesticate ath,
Thinth you put on that collar
You come to man'th holler
For pay -- how dithtinctly low clath!"

[Marcus Bales]

We ought to divide all the money

[glasshouse]

We ought to divide all the money
Then smear our plum bodies with honey
We'll roll all day long

[trisherina]

We ought to divide all the money
Then smear our plum bodies with honey
We'll roll all day long
And right every wrong

[Marcus Bales]

We ought to divide all the money
Then smear our plum bodies with honey
We'll roll all day long
And right every wrong
And the gods will laugh, thinking we're funny.

[Marcus Bales]

I'm not quite as dumb as I look

[trisherina]

I'm not quite as dumb as I look
I'm more clever than many a crook

[Hyakujo's Fox]

I'm not quite as dumb as I look
I'm more clever than many a crook
Evading detection

[Marcus Bales]

I'm not quite as dumb as I look
I'm more clever than many a crook
Evading detection
And winning election

[glasshouse]

I'm not quite as dumb as I look
I'm more clever than many a crook
Evading detection
And winning election
With my opponents votes that I took

[Marcus Bales]

A Washington player named Scooter

[glasshouse]

A Washington player named Scooter
Attempted to use the computer

[Hyakujo's Fox]

A Washington player named Scooter
Attempted to use the computer
To download some porn

[madasacutsnake]

A Washington player named Scooter
Attempted to use the computer
To download some porn
But found his 'orn gorn

[glasshouse]

A Washington player named Scooter
Attempted to use the computer
To download some porn
But found his 'orn gorn
And he took up, instead, with a tutor

[Marcus Bales]

The grave looked suspiciously new

[glasshouse]

The grave looked suspiciously new
A sticky plot on the brew

[dddrum]

The grave looked suspiciously new
A sticky plot on the brew
Good job that the sleuth

[Marcus Bales]

The grave looked suspiciously new
A sticky plot on the brew
Good job that the sleuth
Had found out the truth

[Bookman]

The grave looked suspiciously new
A sticky plot on the brew
Good job that the sleuth
Had found out the truth
It's where Bubba buried his brew!

[Hyakujo's Fox]

There once was this guy called Sammy

[Marcus Bales]

There once was this guy called Sammy
Who was cursed with a cruel double whammy

[trisherina]

There once was this guy called Sammy
Who was cursed with a cruel double whammy
With the surname of Hall,

[Marcus Bales]

There once was this guy called Sammy
Who was cursed with a cruel double whammy
With the surname of Hall,
And a girlfriend named Moll

[trisherina]

There once was this guy called Sammy
Who was cursed with a cruel double whammy
With the surname of Hall,
And a girlfriend named Moll
He ne'er tucked a gun in his jammy.

[Marcus Bales]

My laptop, a blanket, this chair

[dddrum]

My laptop, a blanket, this chair
And me, dressed in my underwear

[Jack Flanders]

My laptop, a blanket, this chair
And me, dressed in my underwear
I'm feelin' real cosy

[Hyakujo's Fox]

My laptop, a blanket, this chair
And me, dressed in my underwear
I'm feelin' real cosy
My cheeks have turned rosy

[Marcus Bales]

My laptop, a blanket, this chair
And me, dressed in my underwear
I'm feelin' real cosy
My cheeks have turned rosy
And my palms are now covered with hair.

[Hyakujo's Fox]

The trick to wrestlin' a 'gator

[madasacutsnake]

The trick to wrestlin' a 'gator
Is to make it look though you're trying to mate 'er

[Jack Flanders]

The trick to wrestlin' a 'gator
Is to make it look though you're trying to mate 'er
The problem was that it wasn't a girl

[dddrum]

The trick to wrestlin' a 'gator
Is to make it look as though you're trying to mate 'er
The problem was that
It wasn't a girl
That didn't rhyme, but we can go back and fix it later

[CONGRATULATIONS, EVERYBODY!! The previous verse has been selected for inclusion in Lamericks, the official anthology of the Dread Poets' Society. Our $50 check, so they tell us, is in the mail. --DDD]

[Marcus Bales]

The Drummy's analysis sucks:
The Lamericks' publisher tucks
A note in your mail:
They'll forget without fail
That you entered -- for just fifty bucks.

[Hyakujo's Fox]

http://www.zefrank.com/bulletin/showpost.php?p=12032&postcount=1

I'm dreaming of some place that's hot

[Marcus Bales]

I'm dreaming of some place that's hot
And my own ninety-seven foot yacht

[dinzdale]

I'm dreaming of some place that's hot
And my own ninety-seven foot yacht
with naked girl crew

[jasmina]

I'm dreaming of some place that's hot
And my own ninety-seven foot yacht
with naked girl crew
my ego just grew,

[Jack Flanders]

I'm dreaming of some place that's hot
And my own ninety-seven foot yacht
with naked girl crew
my ego just grew
and Dinz's thing could not

[Marcus Bales]

There's no need for us to be mean

[Hyakujo's Fox]

There's no need for us to be mean
To those with an odour obscene

[madasacutsnake]

There's no need for us to be mean
To those with an odour obscene
Just spray with scent

[dinzdale]

There's no need for us to be mean
To those with an odour obscene
Just spray with scent
or sit near the vent

[trisherina]

There's no need for us to be mean
To those with an odour obscene
Just spray with scent
or sit near the vent
Or more to the point: just stay clean.

[Marcus Bales]

But keep it just slightly risque

[Jack Flanders]

But keep it just slightly risque
And everyone will have their way

[trisherina]

But keep it just slightly risque
And everyone will have their way
The music won't stop

[Marcus Bales]

But keep it just slightly risque
And everyone will have their way
The music won't stop
If you're bottom or top

[trisherina]

But keep it just slightly risque
And everyone will have their way
The music won't stop
If you're bottom or top
With ecstasy: part of each day!

[trisherina]

The geese are about to take flight

[Marcus Bales]

The geese are about to take flight
Then, dark Vs in the fast-fading light

[dddrum]

The geese are about to take flight
Then, dark Vs in the fast-fading light
They slice through the sky

[Marcus Bales]

The geese are about to take flight
Then, dark in the fast-fading light,
They slice through the sky
In their Vs as they fly

[dddrum]

The geese are about to take flight
Then, dark in the fast-fading light,
They slice through the sky
In their Vs as they fly
Then quietly melt from my sight

[Marcus Bales]

I'm starting to feel all that wine

[Jack Flanders]

I'm starting to feel all that wine
From my toes to the base of my spine

[ambo]

I'm starting to feel all that wine
From my toes to the base of my spine
My vertebrae tingle

[Marcus Bales]

I'm starting to feel all that wine
From my toes to the base of my spine
My vertebrae tingle
As stimuli mingle

[NimbleMarmoset]

I'm starting to feel all that wine
From my toes to the base of my spine
My vertebrae tingle
As stimuli mingle
I feel as if pickled in brine

[Hyakujo's Fox]

There once was a marmoset so nimble

[Marcus Bales]

There once was a marmoset so nimble
She could curl up and sleep in a thimble

[ambo]

There once was a marmoset so nimble
She could curl up and sleep in a thimble
But one fateful day

[Marcus Bales]

There once was a marmoset so nimble
She could curl up and sleep in a thimble
But one fateful day
She was stolen away

[dddrum]

There once was a marmoset so nimble
She could curl up and sleep in a thimble
But one fateful day
She was stolen away
Now, by God, she's an odd status symbol

[Marcus Bales]

Do you think Philip Glass and John Cage

[NimbleMarmoset]

Do you think Philip Glass and John Cage
might survive if they share the same stage

[Marcus Bales]

Do you think Philip Glass and John Cage
might survive if they share the same stage
at least we could see
whether 4' 33"
Was still just the minimal rage.

[trisherina]

The last man you wanted to see

[NimbleMarmoset]

Do you think Philip Glass and John Cage
might survive if they share the same stage
at least we could see
whether 4' 33"
Was still just the minimal rage.

bravo.

[Zatoichi]

The last man you wanted to see
(with the standard exception of "me")

[Zatoichi]

The last man you wanted to see
(with the standard exception of "me")
Is one who's known as FeetsTooSmall

[Marcus Bales]

The last man you wanted to see
(with the standard exception of "me")
Is known to you all
As FeetsAreTooSmall,
But known to your spouses as "Whee!"

[Hyakujo's Fox]

These limericks are growing surreal

[Marcus Bales]

These limericks are growing surreal
But perhaps that's their growing appeal

[Hyakujo's Fox]

These limericks are growing surreal
But perhaps that's their growing appeal
A taste of the quirky

[Zatoichi]

These limericks are growing surreal
But perhaps that's their growing appeal
A taste of the quirky
A swim in the murky

[Hyakujo's Fox]

These limericks are growing surreal
But perhaps that's their growing appeal
A taste of the quirky
A swim in the murky
When insane is just how you feel

[Marcus Bales]

In a lurid and yellowish mist

[dinzdale]

In a lurid and yellowish mist
I farted, puked, shat and pissed

[Zatoichi]

In a lurid and yellowish mist
I farted, puked, shat and pissed
Alas, like a clown
I shat upside down

[dddrum]

In a lurid and yellowish mist
I farted, puked, shat and pissed
Alas, like a clown
I shat upside down
Jetzt wer ist up Shist Creek? Ich bist!

[glasshouse]

I will not be eating for the next few hours, thank you.

[trisherina]

I will not be eating for the next few hours, thank you.
But if you bend over, I'll gently spank you.

[Hyakujo's Fox]

I will not be eating for the next few hours, thank you.
But if you bend over, I'll gently spank you.
I'll teach you a lesson

[Zatoichi]

I will not be eating for the next few hours, thank you.
But if you bend over, I'll gently spank you.
I'll teach you a lesson
Love or pain, are you guessin'?

[Marcus Bales]

I will not be eating for the next few hours, thank you.
But if you bend over, I'll gently spank you.
I'll teach you a lesson
Love or pain, are you guessin'?
About counting syllables and using rhythm, blank you!

[trisherina]

A maiden set forth for the docks

[12"razormix]

A maiden set forth for the docks
followed by bouncy golden locks

[Marcus Bales]

A maiden set forth for the docks
followed by bouncy golden locks
preceded by nuttin'
but cute as a button

[Hyakujo's Fox]

A maiden set forth for the docks
followed by bouncy golden locks
preceded by nuttin'
but cute as a button
Those sailors soon pulled up their socks

[Marcus Bales]

Mehitabel said "Toujours gai"

[Zatoichi]

Mehitabel said "Toujours gai"
I've had Persian poossy, et je parles francais
An elegant chat
From the land of the Shah

[ambo]

Mehitabel said "Toujours gai"
I've had Persian poossy, et je parles francais
An elegant chat
From the land of the Shah
And as for this tale - oui, c'est vrai

[trisherina]

A flea lived on bella's plump thigh

[Marcus Bales]

A flea lived on bella's plump thigh
A crab in the lash of her eye

[Zatoichi]

A flea lived on bella's plump thigh
A crab in the lash of her eye
Alas, when she blinked
A lash came unlinked

[12"razormix]

A flea lived on bella's plump thigh
A crab in the lash of her eye
Alas, when she blinked
A lash came unlinked
Our crab waved bye bella bye bye

[Hyakujo's Fox]

The best thing to do with a Snickers

[trisherina]

The best thing to do with a Snickers
Is blend it with several fine liquors

[Hyakujo's Fox]

The best thing to do with a Snickers
Is blend it with several fine liquors
Then take a chilled glass

[Marcus Bales]

The best thing to do with a Snickers
Is blend it with several fine liquors
Then take a chilled glass
And pour to surpass
The previous stress on your tickers.

[Marcus Bales]

The life-span of Thanksgiving pie

[Hyakujo's Fox]

The life-span of Thanksgiving pie
Has been vastly reduced since I

[Marcus Bales]

The life-span of Thanksgiving pie
Has been vastly reduced since I
Discovered it's not
Always pumpkin, and got

[madasacutsnake]

The life-span of Thanksgiving pie
Has been vastly reduced since I
Discovered it's not
Always pumpkin, and got
Turnip, slipped in on the sly

[madasacutsnake]

Pumpkin is best served as a savoury

[Marcus Bales]

Pumpkin is best served as a savoury
Unless there is turnip-y knavery

[madasacutsnake]

Pumpkin is best served as a savoury
Unless there is turnip-y knavery
Then nothing can save it

[Marcus Bales]

Pumpkin is best served as a savoury
Unless there is turnip-y knavery
Then nothing can save it
Unless you engrave it
With Herakles, symbol of bravery.

[Marcus Bales]

The debate between Roman and Greek

[12"razormix]

The debate between Roman and Greek
has provoked animated critique

[Hyakujo's Fox]

The debate between Roman and Greek
has provoked animated critique
it may yet come to blows

[dinzdale]

The debate between Roman and Greek
has provoked animated critique
it may yet come to blows
'cos no-one quite knows

[12"razormix]

The debate between Roman and Greek
has provoked animated critique
it may yet come to blows
'cos no-one quite knows
when it's time to turn the other cheek

[dinzdale]

JINX!!

you owe me beer

[ambo]

I just now went googling for "credible"

[dinzdale]

I just now went googling for "credible"
and found underpants that were edible

[ambo]

I just now went googling for "credible"
and found underpants that were edible
I snapped up some cherries

[Hyakujo's Fox]

I just now went googling for "credible"
and found underpants that were edible
I snapped up some cherries
Some rhubarb and berries

[Marcus Bales]

I just now went googling for "credible"
and found underpants that were edible
I snapped up some cherries
Some rhubarb and berries
In an effort to make myself weddable.

[trisherina]

If tutors are tutored to toot

[Marcus Bales]

If tutors are tutored to toot
And suitors are suited to suit

[Hyakujo's Fox]

If tutors are tutored to toot
And suitors are suited to suit
Then you may be quite shocked
That your doctor can't doct

[12"razormix]

If tutors are tutored to toot
And suitors are suited to suit
Then you may be quite shocked
That your doctor can't doct
And Newton could not really newt

[trisherina]

Be cautious when driving on ice

[Marcus Bales]

"Be cautious when driving on ice."
This word to the wise should suffice

[BLANK spot]

"For if you should slip,"

[trisherina]

"Be cautious when driving on ice."
This word to the wise should suffice
"For if you should slip,"
Some dimwit will quip

[Marcus Bales]

"Be cautious when driving on ice."
This word to the wise should suffice
"For if you should slip,"
Some dimwit will quip
"You're not good at taking advice."

[Marcus Bales]

The snow now lies thick on the ground

[12"razormix]

The snow now lies thick on the ground
frostbite and dirty slush abound

[Marcus Bales]

The snow now lies thick on the ground
frostbite and dirty slush abound
the news is St Nick
is laid up, too sick

[12"razormix]

The snow now lies thick on the ground
frostbite and dirty slush abound
the news is St Nick
is laid up, too sick,
too drunk and too dazed to be found

[Hyakujo's Fox]

There's not a single toy on the shelves

[12"razormix]

There's not a single toy on the shelves
goddamn lazy old bastards those elves!

[Zatoichi]

There's not a single toy on the shelves
goddamn lazy old bastards those elves!
I'm thinkin' they're merry
from hittin' the sherry

[Marcus Bales]

There's not a single toy on the shelves
goddamn lazy old bastards those elves!
I'm thinkin' they're merry
from hittin' the sherry
we meant to drink later ourselves.

[Marcus Bales]

Aglow in the lavender light

[12"razormix]

Aglow in the lavender light
Pollyanna was quite a sight

[madasacutsnake]

Aglow in the lavender light
Pollyanna was quite a sight
Wholly enchanting

[Marcus Bales]

Aglow in the lavender light
Pollyanna was quite a sight
Wholly enchanting
Lips parted, panting

[12"razormix]

Aglow in the lavender light
Pollyanna was quite a sight
Wholly enchanting
Lips parted, panting
Finally the scene turned out right

[ambo]

I sure wasn't glad to see Susie

[dddrum]

I sure wasn't glad to see Susie
That shameless young streetcorner floozy

[Marcus Bales]

I sure wasn't glad to see Susie
That shameless young streetcorner floozy
Ex-homecoming queen,
Ex-wife, ex-marine

[ambo]

I sure wasn't glad to see Susie
That shameless young streetcorner floozy
Ex-homecoming queen,
Ex-wife, ex-marine
And that shiner she had was a doozy

---------------------------------------------

DOOZY
[Q] From Dennis Kinzig: “What is the origin of the word doozie in the phrase ‘it’s a doozie’, meaning something unique or outstanding? It is often said it relates to the 1920s automobile, the Duesenberg, but it was used in a letter by Carl Akeley at the Field Museum in the late 1890s so it cannot be the car that the word derived from.”
[A] It was John Ciardi, I think, who suggested that doozy (as some dictionaries prefer to spell it) had something to do with the famous Duesenberg automobile, a car named after the brothers who developed it. Certainly the vehicles were known as Duesies in the 1920s and 1930s. But—as you have discovered—by the time Fred and August Duesenberg manufactured their first car in 1920, the noun doozy was already well established.
Your example actually predates those in the reference books, so it looks as though you have advanced lexicography by finding this earlier usage. These reference books, especially the Random House Historical Dictionary of American Slang, suggest it first appeared about 1903.
You might think etymologists are slipping their mental gears if I tell you that they’re fairly sure that it comes from the flower named daisy. But that was once English slang, from the eighteenth century on, for something that was particularly appealing or excellent. It moved into North American English in the early nineteenth century and turns up, for example, in Thomas Chandler Haliburton’s The Clockmaker of 1836: “I raised a four year old colt once, half blood, a perfect picture of a horse, and a genuine clipper, could gallop like the wind; a real daisy, a perfect doll, had an eye like a weasel, and nostrils like Commodore Rodgers’s speakin’ trumpet”.
Experts think that that sense—which was still around at the end of the nineteenth century—might have been influenced by the name of the famous Italian actress Eleonora Duse, who first appeared in New York in 1893. Something Dusey was clearly excellent of its kind, and it is very likely that it and daisy became amalgamated in people’s minds to create a new term.

[Marcus Bales]

The music they play in the mall

[trisherina]

The music they play in the mall
(And they start not in Winter, but Fall)

[Zatoichi]

The music they play in the mall
(And they start not in Winter, but Fall)
Confounds celebrating
With sounds oh so grating

[ambo]

The music they play in the mall
(And they start not in Winter, but Fall)
Confounds celebrating
With sounds oh so grating
It just makes my skin start to crawl

[Marcus Bales]

Joy to the Babe in the Manger

[Zatoichi]

Joy to the Babe in the Manger
And joy to the long-walking strangers

[Hyakujo's Fox]

Joy to the Babe in the Manger
And joy to the long-walking strangers
With gifts from the east

[Zatoichi]

Joy to the Babe in the Manger
And joy to the long-walking strangers
With gifts from the east
At peace among beasts
And serene in the presence of danger.

[Zatoichi]

This business of Life has me baffled

[Hyakujo's Fox]

This business of Life has me baffled
I feel like a chook that's being raffled

[madasacutsnake]

This business of Life has me baffled
I feel like a chook that's being raffled
Or a big meat tray

[Hyakujo's Fox]

This business of Life has me baffled
I feel like a chook that's being raffled
Or a big meat tray
Left in sun all the day

[madasacutsnake]

This business of Life has me baffled
I feel like a chook that's being raffled
Or a big meat tray
Left in sun all the day
This limerick from the mercans we snaffled

[ambo]

My multiplication is rusty

[Marcus Bales]

My multiplication is rusty
Division is long, hard, and dusty

[Zatoichi]

My multiplication is rusty
Division is long, hard, and dusty
But with fingers and toes
And the tip of my nose

[Hyakujo's Fox]

My multiplication is rusty
Division is long, hard, and dusty
But with fingers and toes
And the tip of my nose
The twenty-one dealer won't bust me

[ambo]

The elves made the coffee and cookies

[trisherina]

The elves made the coffee and cookies
While Mrs. Claus lectured the rookies:

[dddrum]

The elves made the coffee and cookies
While Mrs. Claus lectured the rookies:
"You've made all the toys,
Santa's off with the boys,
Now, come give sweet mama some nookies!"

:eek: :rolleyes: :p ;) :D

[ambo]

Oh my, that was inspired !
:)

[dddrum]

Oh my, that was inspired !
:)(Inspiration requires an inspirer. ;) )

I have a New Year's resolution

[ambo]

I have a New Year's resolution
That might land me in an institution

[trisherina]

I have a New Year's resolution
That might land me in an institution
But I'd sure like to stop

[dddrum]

I have a New Year's resolution
That might land me in an institution
But I'd sure like to stop
'Fore I'm stopped by a cop

[Hyakujo's Fox]

I have a New Year's resolution
That might land me in an institution
But I'd sure like to stop
'Fore I'm stopped by a cop
For inciting circumlocution

[dddrum]

There once was a tailor named Taylor

[ambo]

There once was a tailor named Taylor
Who slurred as he said "Hey there, sailor"

[Zatoichi]

There once was a tailor named Taylor
Who slurred as he said "Hey there, sailor"
"Your bell-bottom pants
Your masculine glance",

[Coffee]

There once was a tailor named Taylor
Who slurred as he said "Hey there, sailor"
"Your bell-bottom pants
Your masculine glance",
suggest that you might be a whaler.

[Hyakujo's Fox]

One dark night, while upon the high seas

[Coffee]

One dark night, while upon the high seas
from port side we heard a faint sneeze

[Master_Jedi]

One dark night, while upon the high seas
from port side we heard a faint sneeze
We looked in the night, to find the accused

[trisherina]

One dark night, while upon the high seas
from port side we heard a faint sneeze
We looked in the night,
The accused was a sight

[Hyakujo's Fox]

One dark night, while upon the high seas
from port side we heard a faint sneeze
We looked in the night,
The accused was a sight
'twas the whale, on his tail - Japanese!

[Marcus Bales]

On New Year's I had too much wine

[ambo]

On New Year's I had too much wine
And yet today, I feel just fine

[Jack Flanders]

On New Year's I had too much wine
And yet today, I feel just fine
I'm not quite sure why

[ambo]

On New Year's I had too much wine
And yet today, I feel just fine
I'm not quite sure why
I can't open one eye

[Hyakujo's Fox]

On New Year's I had too much wine
And yet today, I feel just fine
I'm not quite sure why
I can't open one eye
And there's a leg here I'm not sure is mine

[Marcus Bales]

The leg is not mine -- and it's nude

[Hyakujo's Fox]

The leg is not mine -- and it's nude
and although I'm hardly a prude,

[Marcus Bales]

The leg is not mine -- and it's nude
and although I'm hardly a prude,
Where nude legs exist
In my bed, I insist

[Zatoichi]

The leg is not mine -- and it's nude
and although I'm hardly a prude,
Where nude legs exist
In my bed, I insist
Mine alone be the legs of a dude.

[Marcus Bales]

Oh don't be so quick -- maybe his
Nude leg means some lucrative biz.
You know what they say:
You may not be gay
But it seems that your new boyfriend is!

[Hyakujo's Fox]

You if want happiness in this life