Limericks for the Purist (communal)

[ambo]

It's cold out. I've turned on the heat.
So everything's warm but my feet.

[Audreyvgs]

It's cold out. I've turned on the heat.
So everything's warm but my feet.
My blanket's too short

[Marcus Bales]

It's cold out. I've turned on the heat.
So everything's warm but my feet.
My blanket's too short
Though I've drunk half a quart

[Zatoichi]

It's cold out. I've turned on the heat.
So everything's warm but my feet.
My blanket's too short
Though I've drunk half a quart
And pray I don't soil the sheet.

[Marcus Bales]

Breakfast sounds good about now

[Audreyvgs]

Breakfast sounds good about now
but im stuck at my desk thinking how

[ambo]

Breakfast sounds good about now
but im stuck at my desk thinking how
I could butter my toast

[Hyakujo's Fox]

Breakfast sounds good about now
but im stuck at my desk thinking how
I could butter my toast
While still making the most

[Marcus Bales]

Breakfast sounds good about now
but im stuck at my desk thinking how
I could butter my toast
While still making the most
From the rise in the NASDAQ and DOW.

[ambo]

Silly things that I ponder each day

[dddrum]

Silly things that I ponder each day
Turn to naggings that won't go away

[Zatoichi]

Silly things that I ponder each day
Turn to naggings that won't go away
The lint in my navel
Might start to unravel

[Audreyvgs]

Silly things that I ponder each day
Turn to naggings that won't go away
The lint in my navel
Might start to unravel
so i'll buy a wide belt on ebay

[Marcus Bales]

The thing was two sizes to small

[dddrum]

The thing was two sizes too small
Didn't look like the picture at all

[ambo]

The thing was two sizes too small
Didn't look like the picture at all
But the ruffle was nice

[dddrum]

The thing was two sizes too small
Didn't look like the picture at all
But the ruffle was nice
And besides, at this price

[ambo]

The thing was two sizes too small
Didn't look like the picture at all
But the ruffle was nice
And besides, at this price
I could wear it while cruising the mall

[Marcus Bales]

The amount of my skin it exposed

[Zatoichi]

The amount of my skin it exposed
Implied just that sin you oppose

[Hyakujo's Fox]

The amount of my skin it exposed
Implied just that sin you oppose
But I've come to take pride

[Marcus Bales]

The amount of my skin it exposed
Implied just that sin you opposed
But I've come to take pride
In the things you deride

[Zatoichi]

The amount of my skin it exposed
Implied just that sin you opposed
But I've come to take pride
In the things you deride
I'm my own private Venus, thus posed.

[Marcus Bales]

What happened when David saw Venus

[Zatoichi]

What happened when David saw Venus
Was like what would happen between us

[ambo]

What happened when David saw Venus
Was like what would happen between us
If you had no arms

[12"razormix]

What happened when David saw Venus
Was like what would happen between us
If you had no arms
And I showed my charms

[Hyakujo's Fox]

What happened when David saw Venus
Was like what would happen between us
If you had no arms
And I showed my charms
Your fig leaf would fall, then obsceneness

[ambo]

At noon, I observed him asleep

[LeahDear]

At noon, I observed him asleep
and my guilt made me curl up and weep

[ambo]

At noon, I observed him asleep
and my guilt made me curl up and weep
My words had been daggers

[zenbabe]

At noon, I observed him asleep
and my guilt made me curl up and weep
My words had been daggers
Good thing Ziplock makes baggers

[ambo]

At noon, I observed him asleep
and my guilt made me curl up and weep
My words had been daggers
Good thing Ziplock makes baggers
'Cause now all his pieces will keep

[Coffee]

He set it in motion then fled

[ambo]

He set it in motion then fled
To the dream weaving warmth of his bed

[Zatoichi]

He set it in motion then fled
To the dream weaving warmth of his bed
Yet doubt plagued his sleep

[zenbabe]

He set it in motion then fled
To the dream weaving warmth of his bed
Yet doubt plagued his sleep
And with the counting of sheep

[ambo]

He set it in motion then fled
To the dream weaving warmth of his bed
Yet doubt plagued his sleep
And with the counting of sheep
The bleating just filled him with dread

[Coffee]

He woke with a start from a dream

[zenbabe]

He woke with a start from a dream
In his hand it appeared to be cream

[daverbee]

He woke with a start from a dream
In his hand it appeared to be cream
Dinz smiled at the thought

[Coffee]

He woke with a start from a dream
In his hand it appeared to be cream
Dinz smiled at the thought
of the dream that was fraught

[Zatoichi]

He woke with a start from a dream
In his hand it appeared to be cream
Dinz smiled at the thought
of the dream that was fraught
With visions of Diana, supreme.

[abednigo]

I've one thing to say

[abednigo]

1. I see you've a restraining order
2. Still I risk overstepping the border
3. I've one thing to say

[ambo]

3. I've one thing to say

Abednigo, you're lost at the start

[Zatoichi]

Abednigo, you're lost at the start
There's a thread now for those who would part
With notions of meter

[ambo]

Abednigo, you're lost at the start

What I meant to say above, since nobody else was, is that you have mistakenly continued a limerick from the first page of this thread. I wasn't commenting on your style or meter, as others with less class might do.

What's needed here is the start of a new limerick.



We know now why Atlas once shrugged

[Zatoichi]

Oopsies! Silly me. Mea classless culpa and all. It's just that your line actually scanned, and, well...

We know now why Atlas once shrugged
That ungrateful burden he'd lugged

[Coffee]

^^^*Puts it back on ignore list*

We know now why Atlas once shrugged
It seems that he'd never been hugged

[ambo]

We know now why Atlas once shrugged
It seems that he'd never been hugged
His sorrow oppressive

[Zatoichi]

Cheese and freakin' tripe!

I misread Ambo's intent and even apologized (though I forgot to apologize for not knowing what was on page 1 of 270+ page thread) and I'm back to being shunned?

Not that you'll miss me, but the point of diminishing marginal returns draws ever nigher.

[Hyakujo's Fox]

It had been almost a tradition around these parts to turn people's occasional comments into the first lines of the next limerick, and I almost did it here myself but decided on bed instead. I have no idea why this is now objectionable.

[Coffee]

Why I am putting Zatoichi on ignore: by, Coffee.

Firstly, it had absolutely nothing to do with using a comment as a first line of a new limmerick, a tradition I wholeheartedly support.

The answer to your question H.fox is that perhaps I read too much, and perhaps I read too little in Zatoichi's last posts:

Perhaps I read too much into:

"There's a thread now for those who would part
With notions of meter"

Which I read as yet another snarky comment regarding "meter judgmentalism"...the subject of the last nasty board war. Because, despite Ambo clarifying the purpose of that new "guilt free limerick thread"...Zatoichi characterized it in those two lines as a "post badly metered limericks" thread.
Which is a gross mischaracterization of a thread whose purpose is NOT to depart from traditional meter, rather it is a thread designed to be a place free of judgementalism and snarky comments regarding peep's limerick submissions. Due to the fact that the only board rules are to respect the intent of the Original Poster in a thread, Ambo made a thread as OP which had the intent to have it free of snarky comments if the quality of a line did not meet someone's standards of excellence. So I figured Zatoichi just wanted to shake that old bone again for the fun of it...I was not amused.

And perhaps i read too little and too much into:
"Oopsies! Silly me. Mea classless culpa and all. It's just that your line actually scanned, and, well..."

Which did not read like an apology, but rather it read to me like " "I'm not really sorry!" Wow Ambo, your line actually had meter".

If I were to make an apology, it would read like:
Hey, I'm very sorry if I misunderstood your posts Zatoichi. My bad.
However, the way you phrased your posts brought back bad memories of an unpleasant time when you pissed me off greatly, so I am going to put you on ignore even if I did misread your posts. I'll be happier that way.

In conclusion:

My choice to put Zat on ignore
Is in part cuz I find him a bore.
After all of that flap
about meter and crap
I don't want to see him no more.

[ambo]

^ ^ ^

Um, what he said.

[daverbee]

Back on track, people! This is the Limericks for the Purist thread, ya know!

OK:

Um, what he said, Ambo uttered.

[LeahDear]

"Um, what he said." Ambo uttered.
As she picked up her crumpet and buttered

[daverbee]

"Um, what he said." Ambo uttered.
As she picked up her crumpet and buttered
Then added some jam

[ambo]

"Um, what he said." Ambo uttered.
As she picked up her crumpet and buttered
Then added some jam
And a big slice of ham

[daverbee]

"Um, what he said." Ambo uttered.
As she picked up her crumpet and buttered
Then added some jam
And a big slice of ham
Thus leaving the pantry uncluttered.

[Coffee]

and not to leave this one dangling


We know now why Atlas once shrugged
It seems that he'd never been hugged
His sorrow oppressive
as his task was impressive,
that ungrateful planet he lugged.

[ambo]

^^^ very nice!

Slim rode into town with his pony

[zenbabe]

Slim rode into town with his pony
With his Ipod, and rotten baloney

[daverbee]

Slim rode into town with his pony
With his Ipod, and rotten baloney
The pony complained

[12"razormix]

Slim rode into town with his pony
With his Ipod, and rotten baloney
The pony complained
Slim ached and it rained

[daverbee]

Slim rode into town with his pony
With his Ipod, and rotten baloney
The pony complained
Slim ached and it rained
So he drank at the bar with a crony.

[Etoile]

Though I sense there's a man in my bathroom

[daverbee]

Though I sense there's a man in my bathroom
I'm not sure, since nothing's gone "BOOM!"

[ambo]

Though I sense there's a man in my bathroom
I'm not sure, since nothing's gone "BOOM!"
But there's hair in the sink :eek:

[zenbabe]

Though I sense there's a man in my bathroom
I'm not sure, since nothing's gone "BOOM!"
But there's hair in the sink:eek:
And it smells like a dink :eek:

[xoites]

Oh, he left his Fruit of the Loom

[xoites]

Though I sense there's a man in my bathroom
I'm not sure, since nothing's gone "BOOM!"
But there's hair in the sink
And it smells like a dink
Oh, he left his Fruit of the Loom

[daverbee]

Football season is nearing it's end

[Etoile]

Football season is nearing its end
Though I wasn't a fan, can't pretend

[daverbee]

Football season is nearing its end
Though I wasn't a fan, can't pretend
All those gators and buckeyes

[Hyakujo's Fox]

Football season is nearing its end
Though I wasn't a fan, can't pretend
All those gators and buckeyes
Were the cause of my highs

[Brynn]

Football season is nearing its end
Though I wasn't a fan, can't pretend
All those gators and buckeyes
Were the cause of my highs,
But the couch was my very best friend!

[daverbee]

Hot dogs or Brats, what's the difference?

[Brynn]

Hot dogs or Brats, what's the difference?
Don't misunderstand the slight inference...

[ambo]

Hot dogs or Brats, what's the difference?
Don't misunderstand the slight inference...
They aren't metallic
Both long and well, phallic

[zenbabe]

Hot dogs or Brats, what's the difference?
Don't misunderstand the slight inference...
They aren't metallic
Both long and well, phallic
'Tis mustard or sauerkraut-ence!

[zenbabe]

The Chargers, they suck for a reason

[daverbee]

The Chargers, they suck for a reason
They excel for most of the season

[TulsaGuy]

The Chargers, they suck for a reason.
They excel for most of the season.
But when down to the wire

[daverbee]

The Chargers, they suck for a reason.
They excel for most of the season.
But when down to the wire
Their season backfires

[Hyakujo's Fox]

The Chargers, they suck for a reason.
They excel for most of the season.
But when down to the wire
Their season backfires
As they fall down puffin' and wheezin'

[daverbee]

Winter brings snow and short tempers

[Hyakujo's Fox]

When Winter brings snow and short tempers,
There's a phrase I often remembers

[brightpearl]

When Winter brings snow and short tempers,
There's a phrase I often remembers
but it's full of curse words

[Hyakujo's Fox]

When Winter brings snow and short tempers,
There's a phrase I often remembers
but it's full of curse words
and the grammar absurds
it's always like this in Decembers

[funkytuba]

We hustle and shovel and stomp

[T.I.P.]

We hustle and shovel and stomp
To prepare for the boogie man's romp

[Anna]

We hustle and shovel and stomp
To prepare for the boogie man's romp
up and down and around

[brightpearl]

We hustle and shovel and stomp
To prepare for the boogie man's romp
up and down and around
the green boogies abound

[Marcus Bales]

We hustle and shovel and stomp
To prepare for the boogie man's romp
up and down and around
the green boogies abound
then we fall and call out "Workers' Comp!"

[Hyakujo's Fox]

all through the night he persisted

[Marcus Bales]

all through the night he persisted
but something had gotten so twisted

[T.I.P.]

all through the night he persisted
but something had gotten so twisted
that try as he may

[Hyakujo's Fox]

all through the night he persisted
but something had gotten so twisted
that try as he may
he could not find a way

[Marcus Bales]

all through the night he persisted
but something had gotten so twisted
that try as he may
he could not find a way
to remember why he had enlisted.


The Christmas tree sways as the cats

[T.I.P.]

The Christmas tree sways as the cats
Examine each toy with their bats

[Hyakujo's Fox]

The Christmas tree sways as the cats
Examine each toy with their bats
And with every blow

[Marcus Bales]

The Christmas tree sways as the cats
Examine each toy with their bats
And with every blow
It sways more, although

[Brynn]

The Christmas tree sways as the cats
Examine each toy with their bats
And with every blow
It sways more, although
It's more fun than chasing the rats.




It's New Year's Eve, and it's time

[Hyakujo's Fox]

It's New Year's Eve, and it's time
to call my poor cousin the mime

[xfox]

It's New Year's Eve, and it's time
to call my poor cousin the mime
on the off chance

[funkytuba]

It's New Year's Eve, and it's time
to call my poor cousin the mime
on the off chance
that his NEA (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/National_Endowment_for_the_Arts) grants

[Anna]

It's New Year's Eve, and it's time
to call my poor cousin the mime
on the off chance
that his NEA (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/National_Endowment_for_the_Arts) grants
Have Vanished with Old Father Time.
hic!

[Pixie Cherries]

A leg of mutton is sweet

[Marcus Bales]

"A leg of mutton is sweet"
To the purist that line's incomplete

[Anna]

"A leg of mutton is sweet"
To the purist that line's incomplete
in life nothing is con crete

[Marcus Bales]

"A leg of mutton is sweet"
To the purist that line's incomplete
in life nothing is con crete
but art is replete

[hypnoplasm]

"A leg of mutton is sweet"
To the purist that line's incomplete
in life nothing is con crete
but art is replete
I sentence this limerick to be beat'n


The chancellor strides through the halls

[Marcus Bales]

The chancellor strides through the halls
On which undergratuate scrawls

[treekisser]

The chancellor strides through the halls
On which undergratuate scrawls
List phone numbers to call

[hypnoplasm]

The chancellor strides through the halls
On which undergratuate scrawls
List phone numbers to call
To meet in bathroom stalls

[treekisser]

The chancellor strides through the halls
On which undergratuate scrawls
List phone numbers to call
To meet in bathroom stalls
Comp. Anat. behind ivy-clad walls

[Pixie Cherries]

While eating my limerick soup

[Anna]

While eating my limerick soup
fell into a temporal loop

[hypnoplasm]

While eating my limerick soup
fell into a temporal loop
gagged on my rhyme

[treekisser]

While eating my limerick soup
fell into a temporal loop
gagged on my rhyme
and for the very last thyme

[crabtown]

While eating my limerick soup
Fell into a temporal loop
I gagged on my rhyme
For the very last thyme
Now I question why I joined this group

[treekisser]

A crotchety quail hunter named Dick

[Hyakujo's Fox]

A crotchety quail hunter named Dick
his trigger was a little too quick

[Marcus Bales]

A crotchety quail hunter named Dick
his trigger was a little too quick
he swung to the right

[Hyakujo's Fox]

A crotchety quail hunter named Dick
his trigger was a little too quick
he swung to the right,
squeezed one off in the night

[Brynn]

A crotchety quail hunter named Dick
his trigger was a little too quick
he swung to the right,
squeezed one off in the night
but then beat it to death with a stick.

[Marcus Bales]

Is Kaskeens a he or a she?

[trisherina]

Is Kaskeens a he or a she?
It doesn't much matter to me

[Brynn]

Is Kaskeens a he or a she?
It doesn't much matter to me
If you look up the history

[Marcus Bales]

Is Kaskeens a he or a she?
It doesn't much matter to me
If you look up the history
There's only more mystery

[hypnoplasm]

Is Kaskeens a he or a she?
It doesn't much matter to me
If you look up the history
There's only more mystery
a perfect picture of androgyny


There once was a gender-obsessed Marcus

[Pixie Cherries]

There once was a gender-obsessed Marcus
Tortured by he-or-she redress



(Pixie grants permission to rewrite this "redress" line if need be. Sixth rule of the forest folk - Pixies should not play with fire or puns. Tank yew betty much...)

[treekisser]

There once was a gender-obsessed Marcus
Tortured by he-or-she redress
In the privacy of home

[Marcus Bales]

Kaskeens is the one who's obsessed --
It's he -- or it's she -- who has stressed
The issue of gender,
Refusing to render
A verdict on which is possessed.

There once was a gender-obsessed Marcus
Tortured by he-or-she redress
In the privacy of home
He'll gnash and he'll foam

[Brynn]

There once was a gender-obsessed Marcus
Tortured by he-or-she fracas
In the privacy of home
He'll gnash and he'll foam
And rip up his unisex parkas.

[Brynn]

P-U that was so stinky BAD

[Marcus Bales]

P-U that was so stinky BAD
It might have come out of your dad
When you pulled his finger

[Brynn]

P-U that was so stinky BAD
It might have come out of your dad
When you pulled his finger
then happened to linger

[hypnoplasm]

P-U that was so stinky BAD
It might have come out of your dad
when you pulled his finger
then happened to linger
since mom left he's an incorrigible cad


My belly is full of mosquitoes

[Marcus Bales]

My belly is full of mosquitoes
It's bulging like Danny DeVito's

[treekisser]

My belly is full of mosquitoes
It's bulging like Danny DeVito's
I'm tempted to scratch

[hypnoplasm]

My belly is full of mosquitoes
It's bulging like Danny DeVito's
I'm tempted to scratch
but afraid they might hatch

[treekisser]

My belly is full of mosquitoes
It's bulging like Danny DeVito's
I'm tempted to scratch
but afraid they might hatch
And suck me dry like Doritos.

[treekisser]

A curvaceous young coed from Colgate

[Marcus Bales]

A curvaceous young coed from Colgate
Was caught with no cash at a toll-gate

[Anna]

A curvaceous young coed from Colgate
Was caught with no cash at a toll-gate
all the pennies he had

[Hyakujo's Fox]

A curvaceous young coed from Colgate
Was caught with no cash at a toll-gate
all the pennies she had
had been spent on a grad

[Bobby]

A curvaceous young coed from Colgate
Was caught with no cash at a toll-gate
all the pennies he had
had gone quite mad

[Marcus Bales]

A curvaceous young coed from Colgate
Was caught with no cash at a toll-gate
all the pennies she had
had been spent on a grad
whose control-card had worked her control-gate.

[treekisser]

A heavyset Swede with a walker

[Marcus Bales]

A heavy-set Swede with a walker
Had once been a limber young rocker

[hypnoplasm]

A heavy-set Swede with a walker
Had once been a limber young rocker
She straightened her wig

[Brynn]

A heavy-set Swede with a walker
Had once been a limber young rocker
She straightened her wig
and attempted a jig
as she screamed songs from "Abba" to "Stalker"

[Hyakujo's Fox]

A spritely old Finn who was blind

[brightpearl]

A spritely old Finn who was blind
started slow but then came from behind

[Hyakujo's Fox]

A spritely old Finn who was blind
started slow but then came from behind
til just near the finish

[Anna]

A spritely old Finn who was blind
started slow but then came from behind
til just near the finish
his breath, it diminished

[brightpearl]

A spritely old Finn who was blind
started slow but then came from behind
til just near the finish
his breath, it diminished,
and "Not again!" his poor Finness wife whined.


:eek: :D

[treekisser]

Now what did I do with my wallet?

[Brynn]

Now what did I do with my wallet?
And the key to the what-cha-ma-call-it?

[treekisser]

Now what did I do with my wallet?
And the key to the what-cha-ma-call-it?
Was I wearing my pants

[treekisser]

Now what did I do with my wallet?
And the key to the what-cha-ma-call-it?
Was I wearing my pants
in my quest for romance

[treekisser]

Now what did I do with my wallet?
And the key to the what-cha-ma-call-it?
Was I wearing my pants
in my quest for romance
Let's just forget it and start over, Charlotte.


Wearing a ski mask and sweatshirt

[treekisser]

Ok. Let's try again:

A stuttering statesman from Stuttgart

[jeffdesign]

A stuttering statesman from Stuttgart
with an aging robotic fake heart

[treekisser]

A stuttering statesman from Stuttgart
with an aging robotic fake heart
to his rival never blinked

[treekisser]

A stuttering statesman from Stuttgart
with an aging robotic fake heart
to his rival never blinkt
when told that he stinkt

[YsaPur EsChomuw]

A stuttering statesman from Stuttgart
with an aging robotic fake heart
to his rival never blinkt
when told that he stinkt
more than his politics and bean fart.

[treekisser]

The Limerick is feeling neglected

[trisherina]

The Limerick is feeling neglected
And wanting to be resurrected

[Brynn]

The Limerick is feeling neglected
And wanting to be resurrected
It's such a "good" "thread"

[YsaPur EsChomuw]

The Limerick is feeling neglected
And wanting to be resurrected
It's such a "good" "thread"
It's our daily bread

[treekisser]

The Limerick is feeling neglected
And wanting to be resurrected
It's such a "good" "thread"
It's our daily bread
Endangered, it must be protected.


The President is taking a shower

[treekisser]

The President is taking a shower
and been scrubbing for many an hour

[Brynn]

The President is taking a shower
and been scrubbing for many an hour
His lame duck is wrinkled

[Anna]

The President is taking a shower
and been scrubbing for many an hour
His lame duck is wrinkled
it's lost the old twinkle

[YsaPur EsChomuw]

The President is taking a shower
and been scrubbing for many an hour
His lame duck is wrinkled
it's lost the old twinkle
he regrets to have lost all his power.

[treekisser]

Desiring to hump a fair maiden

[YsaPur EsChomuw]

Desiring to hump a fair maiden
- 's a pity I have to pay them -

[treekisser]

Desiring to hump a fair maiden
- 's a pity I have to pay them -
I whip my Mastercard out

[YsaPur EsChomuw]

Desiring to hump a fair maiden
- 's a pity I have to pay them -
I whip my Mastercard out
In cash! - the ladies just pout -

[treekisser]

Desiring to hump a fair maiden
- 's a pity I have to pay them -
I whip my Mastercard out
In cash! - the ladies just pout -
'plastic won't put you in my den.'

[treekisser]

With breath as foul as New Jersey,

[YsaPur EsChomuw]

With breath as foul as New Jersey,
and hair, mammoth-like, all blowzy,

[treekisser]

With breath as foul as New Jersey,
and hair, mammoth-like, all blowzy,
a Springsteen he ain't

[Marcus Bales]

With breath as foul as New Jersey,
and hair, mammoth-like, all blowzy,
a Springsteen he ain't
is the common complaint

[YsaPur EsChomuw]

With breath as foul as New Jersey,
and hair, mammoth-like, all blowzy,
a Springsteen he ain't
is the common complaint
- still, he's adored by his Rosie.

[Marcus Bales]

He's also adored by his mother

[clubsamwich]

though hated and despised by his other

[clubsamwich]

He's also adored by his mother
though hated and despised by his other

[lukkucairi]

He's also adored by his mother
though hated and despised by his other
he knew Sigmund Freud

[Hyakujo's Fox]

He's also adored by his mother
though hated and despised by his other
he knew Sigmund Freud
who he often annoyed

[Marcus Bales]

He's also adored by his mother
though hated and despised by his other
he knew Sigmund Freud
who he often annoyed
by flagrantly fvcking Freud's brother.

[Hyakujo's Fox]

as I boy I once took up sitting

[YsaPur EsChomuw]

as a boy I once took up sitting
on a rooftop and kept spitting

[Hyakujo's Fox]

as a boy I once took up sitting
on a rooftop and kept spitting
at the girls as they passed

[treekisser]

as a boy I once took up sitting
on a rooftop and kept spitting
at the girls as they passed
and I ducked if they cast

[YsaPur EsChomuw]

as a boy I once took up sitting
on a rooftop and kept spitting
at the girls as they passed
and I ducked if they cast
their glance skywards, still unwitting

[Marcus Bales]

I looked down -- wow! I'm getting fat!

[YsaPur EsChomuw]

I looked down -- wow! I'm getting fat!
I didn't like the sight of that

[treekisser]

I looked down -- wow! I'm getting fat!
I didn't like the sight of that
So I try to ignore

[Brynn]

I looked down -- wow! I'm getting fat!
I didn't like the sight of that
So I try to ignore
The expanse of my door
as I try to escape from my flat.

[treekisser]

The chickens run wild in Wyoming

[Marcus Bales]

The chickens run wild in Wyoming
From Acme to Yoder they're roaming

[MoJoRiSin]

The chickens run wild in Wyoming
From Acme to Yoder they're roaming
But when Mr. Quack came along

[Brynn]

The chickens run wild in Wyoming
From Acme to Yoder they're roaming
But when Mr. Quack came along
And saw that the rhythm was all wrong

[Marcus Bales]

The chickens run wild in Wyoming
From Acme to Yoder they're roaming
But when Mr. Quack came along
And saw that the rhythm was all wrong:
Cause the chickens were pigeons, and homing.

[Marcus Bales]

The drinks in the cooler aren't cold

[MoJoRiSin]

The date on this Bud says its old

[Hyakujo's Fox]

The drinks in the cooler aren't cold
The date on this Bud says its old
There is something amiss

[treekisser]

The drinks in the cooler aren't cold
The date on this Bud says its old
There is something amiss
The beer tastes like piss

[MoJoRiSin]

But smiles by Jake have increased ten-fold.

[MoJoRiSin]

The drinks in the cooler aren't cold
The date on this Bud says its old
There is something amiss
The beer tastes like piss
But smiles by Jake have increased ten-fold

[Hyakujo's Fox]

The drinks in the cooler aren't cold
The date on this Bud says its old
There is something amiss
The beer tastes like piss
But that's just how Bud is, so I'm told

[MoJoRiSin]

His limericks were better than hers by far
=====>>>[[3rd line: so she ordered a Lime-Ricky]] just kidding

[MoJoRiSin]

When reading her message Dave was amazed

[Hyakujo's Fox]

He was blessed with a rather large ear

[treekisser]

He was blessed with a rather large ear
on a head the size of a pear

[Brynn]

He was blessed with a rather large ear
on a head the size of a pear
The piercing was tiny
and certainly shiny

[Marcus Bales]

He was blessed with a rather large ear
on a head with the size of a pear
The piercing was tiny
and certainly shiny
and broadcasts his thoughts loud and clear.


This caused him much brou and ha ha

[Hyakujo's Fox]

This caused him much brou and ha ha
Cos he knew he could never tell ma

[treekisser]

This caused him much brou and ha ha
Cos he knew he could never tell ma
Of his exploits at night

[Marcus Bales]

This caused him much brou and ha ha
Cos he knew he could never tell ma
Of his exploits at night
That damaged his sight

[treekisser]

This caused him much brou and ha ha
Cos he knew he could never tell ma
Of his exploits at night
That damaged his sight
And left him with gonorrhea.

[funkytuba]

It was dark when the kid went to school

[treekisser]

It was dark when the kid went to school
Before the bullies arrived, as a rule

[funkytuba]

It was dark when the kid went to school
Before bullies arrived, as a rule
But they caught him one day


sorry for the bolding... but this is the "for the Purist" limerick thread

[Marcus Bales]

It was dark when the kid went to school
Before bullies arrived, as a rule
But they caught him one day
And forced him to pay

[treekisser]

It was dark when the kid went to school
Before bullies arrived, as a rule
But they caught him one day
And forced him to pay
'Til he brandished his sword for to duel.

[Marcus Bales]

The library's quiet and free

[YsaPur EsChomuw]

The library's quiet and free
the right place for you and for me

[Marcus Bales]

The library's quiet and free
the right place for you and for me
We'll hide in the stacks

[YsaPur EsChomuw]

The library's quiet and free
the right place for you and for me
We'll hide in the stacks
and take off our slacks

[Marcus Bales]

The library's quiet and free
the right place for you and for me
We'll hide in the stacks
and take off our slacks
And adjust my new skates with your key.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=saPH0Hn9r2s

For those who weren't in high school in the US in the 70s

[Brynn]

^ The Dollyrots do a great cover

[Marcus Bales]

The Dollyrots do a great cover
Their meaning is clear -- they don't hover
Ambiguously
Between raunch and twee
They just play it like she needs a ... lover.

[funkytuba]

In my styrofoam car I will drive

[Marcus Bales]

In my styrofoam car I will drive
More carefully so I arrive

[xfox]

In my styrofoam car I will drive
More carefully so I arrive
With more or less gas

[funkytuba]

In my styrofoam car I will drive
More carefully so I arrive
With more or less gas
So that I can has
Some bread when I get to this dive

[Marcus Bales]

A styrofoam car? That's absurd!

[funkytuba]

A styrofoam car? That's absurd!
Unless you're a car-design nerd

[Marcus Bales]

A styrofoam car? That's absurd!
Unless you're a car-design nerd
Then you carve it and shape it

[funkytuba]

A styrofoam car? That's absurd!
Unless you're a car-design nerd
Then you carve it and shape it
And break it and tape it

[Hyakujo's Fox]

A styrofoam car? That's absurd!
Unless you're a car-design nerd
Then you carve it and shape it
And break it and tape it
and the chicks that you'll pull - oh my word!

[Marcus Bales]

From Cleveland he traveled to Perth

[funkytuba]

From Cleveland he traveled to Perth
Some twelve thousand miles from his birth

[Marcus Bales]

From Cleveland he traveled to Perth
Some twelve thousand miles from his birth
But there he was free

[Hyakujo's Fox]

From Cleveland he traveled to Perth
Some twelve thousand miles from his birth
But there he was free
to swim in the sea