Limericks for the Purist (communal)

[zenbabe]

I'm having a really great time
with my bottle, my salt, and my lime.
My toes in the sand
I am feeling quite grand

[agentsmith]

I'm having a really great time
with my bottle, my salt, and my lime.
My toes in the sand
I am feeling quite grand
But I wish i had another dime

[funkytuba]

Sorry... I'm still trying to grok "bukkake-mon" JOJ

[RevEf]

http://www.visi.com/~wom-bat/images/folio/pikachu-girl.jpg

[RevEf]

((whut th'? was trying to post images.))

[Hyakujo's Fox]

((whut th'? was trying to post images.))
My fingers, I guess, made slippages

[RevEf]

((whut th'? was trying to post images.))
My fingers, I guess, made slippages
explaining that post

[funkytuba]

((whut th'? was trying to post images.))
My fingers, I guess, made slippages
explaining that post
with no pic; I can't boast

[Coffee]

((whut th'? was trying to post images.))
My fingers, I guess, made slippages
explaining that post
with no pic; I can't boast
((maybe thought, was seeing linkages))

[funkytuba]

I'm going to go to the bank

[Coffee]

I'm going to go to the bank
I hope I don't run into Frank

[funkytuba]

I'm going to go to the bank
I hope I don't run into Frank
He knows what I'm after

[Coffee]

I'm going to go to the bank
I hope I don't run into Frank
He knows what I'm after
He's a credit shark shafter

[funkytuba]

I'm going to go to the bank
I hope I don't run into Frank
He knows what I'm after
He's a credit shark shafter
His basement is so dark and dank

[zenbabe]

I don't feel like working today

[lapietra]

I don't feel like working today
I'd much rather go out and play

[zenbabe]

I don't feel like working today
I'd much rather go out and play
That is what I will do!

[Hyakujo's Fox]

I don't feel like working today
I'd much rather go out and play
That is what I will do!
Won't you come too?

[funkytuba]

I don't feel like working today
I'd much rather go out and play
That is what I will do!
Won't you come too?
We can frolic and dance and be gay!

[zenbabe]

My husband will kill me for spending

[funkytuba]

My husband will kill me for spending
The lease at the wig store was ending

[lapietra]

My husband will kill me for spending
The lease at the wig store was ending
I shopped and I shopped

[zenbabe]

My husband will kill me for spending
The lease at the wig store was ending
I shopped and I shopped
A pretty penny I dropped!

[lapietra]

My husband will kill me for spending
The lease at the wig store was ending
I shopped and I shopped
A pretty penny I dropped!
Now on cuteness and charm I'm depending...

[zenbabe]

I don't forsee much of a problem

[lapietra]

I don't forsee much of a problem
From detaching my head from my brain stem

[rapscalious rob]

I don't forsee much of a problem
From detaching my head from my brain stem
But why don’t you go first

[masterofNone]

I don't forsee much of a problem
From detaching my head from my brain stem
But why don’t you go first
I mean, imagine the worst

[Hyakujo's Fox]

I don't forsee much of a problem
From detaching my head from my brain stem
But why don’t you go first
I mean, imagine the worst
Your poems no longer the Creme de la creme?

[lapietra]

Viggo Mortensen's da bomb

[Coffee]

Viggo Mortensen's da bomb
His personna shows some Aplomb

[Frieda]

Viggo Mortensen's da bomb
His personna shows some Aplomb
That is not true!
You don't have a clue!
Aragorn please give me some!!

[dalang]

Lanky Bloom is more my taste

[dmplesut]

Lanky Bloom is more my taste
Eatting food is such a waste

[Coffee]

Lanky Bloom is more my taste
Eatting food is such a waste
but veggies are nice,

[dmplesut]

Lanky Bloom is more my taste
Eatting food is such a waste
but veggies are nice,
I'd rather have rice,

[Coffee]

Lanky Bloom is more my taste
Eatting food is such a waste
but veggies are nice,
I'd rather have rice,
SCREW YOU, *dinner thrown in your face*

:D

[Tall Thin Duke]

There once was a Rabbit called Marlon

[funkytuba]

There once was a Rabbit called Marlon
who couldn't get rid of his hardon

[Hyakujo's Fox]

There once was a Rabbit called Marlon
who couldn't get rid of his hardon
though he tried to hide it

[rapscalious rob]

There once was a Rabbit called Marlon
who couldn't get rid of his hardon
though he tried to hide it
it always was sighted

[Tall Thin Duke]

There once was a Rabbit called Marlon
who couldn't get rid of his hardon
though he tried to hide it
it always was sighted
He'd blush ,feel shy and say " Beg pardon"

[Tall Thin Duke]

There once was a Vicar named Dickie

[Hyakujo's Fox]

There once was a Vicar named Dickie
Whose taste was never called "picky"

[zenbabe]

There once was a Vicar named Dickie
Whose taste was never called "picky"
Of course he ate english food

[rapscalious rob]

I love to spend time with you all
yes, we’re having a virtual ball

[Hyakujo's Fox]

There once was a Vicar named Dickie
Whose taste was never called "picky"
Of course he ate english food
and the result was quite rude

[RevEf]

There once was a Vicar named Dickie
Whose taste was never called "picky"
Of course he ate english food
and the result was quite rude
When his wicket became sticky

[ambo]

so sue me and give me a wedgie

[lapietra]

so sue me and give me a wedgie
It's better than being all edgy

[AllegroNg]

so sue me and give me a wedgie
It's better than being all edgy
Make it atomic

[Tall Thin Duke]

so sue me and give me a wedgie
It's better than being all edgy
Make it atomic
just like a colonic

[Coffee]

so sue me and give me a wedgie
It's better than being all edgy
Make it atomic
just like a colonic
then hang me up in the hedgy

[ambo]

He hummed an old tune from his school days

[Tall Thin Duke]

He hummed an old tune from his school days
apparently these were his best days

[dmplesut]

He hummed an old tune from his school days
apparently these were his best days
When he'd have a strong drink

[Tall Thin Duke]

He hummed an old tune from his school days
apparently these were his best days
When he'd have a strong drink
give a cough and a wink

[funkytuba]

He hummed an old tune from his school days
apparently these were his best days
When he'd have a strong drink
give a cough and a wink
and go after some chick in some rude ways.

[Hyakujo's Fox]

Don't you dare criticise my dancing

[dmplesut]

Don't you dare criticise my dancing
by giving a weird eye and glancing

[funkytuba]

Don't you dare criticise my dancing
by giving a weird eye and glancing
'Cause the way I gyrate

[RevEf]

Don't you dare criticise my dancing
by giving a weird eye and glancing
'Cause the way I gyrate
may decide your fate

[lapietra]

Don't you dare criticise my dancing
by giving a weird eye and glancing
'Cause the way I gyrate
may decide your fate
With my press-ons I'll deal you a lancing.

[RevEf]

I think of food, sex and death

[lapietra]

I think of food, sex and death
When I catch a whiff of his breath

[RevEf]

I think of food, sex and death
When I catch a whiff of his breath
What's he been doing?

[lapietra]

I think of food, sex and death
When I catch a whiff of his breath
What's he been doing?
Something odd he's been chewing

[RevEf]

I think of food, sex and death
When I catch a whiff of his breath
What's he been doing?
Something odd he's been chewing
But I dare not consider the rest.

[Tall Thin Duke]

I once knew a turkey named Ruben

[funkytuba]

I once knew a turkey named Ruben
he asked me "hey duke how have you been?"

[chuckie egg]

I once knew a turkey named Ruben
he asked me "hey duke how have you been?"
he gobbled and then

[chuckie egg]

I once knew a turkey named Ruben
he asked me "hey duke how have you been?"
he gobbled and then

[funkytuba]

I once knew a turkey named Ruben
he asked me "hey duke how have you been?"
then he gobbled and said
"All my siblings are dead"

[RevEf]

I once knew a turkey named Ruben
he asked me "hey duke how have you been?"
then he gobbled and said
"All my siblings are dead,
my cow disguise means I'm still mooovin'."

edited to insert obvious pun

[Hyakujo's Fox]

A little known fact about gravy

[chuckie egg]

A little known fact about gravy
without food colouring its navy

[funkytuba]

A little known fact about gravy
without food colouring its navy
but sometimes to amuse

[RevEf]

A little known fact about gravy
without food colouring its navy
but sometimes to amuse
I make it chartreuse

[ambo]

A little known fact about gravy
without food colouring its navy
but sometimes to amuse
I make it chartreuse
Then stir it around so it's wavey

[zenbabe]

Weebles wobble but never fall down

[ambo]

Weebles wobble but never fall down
'Cept when they've had a long night on the town

[AllegroNg]

Weebles wobble but never fall down
'Cept when they've had a long night on the town
They should pop right back up

[dmplesut]

Weebles wobble but never fall down
'Cept when they've had a long night on the town
They should pop right back up
and fill up a cup

[Tall Thin Duke]

Weebles wobble but never fall down
'Cept when they've had a long night on the town
They should pop right back up
and fill up a cup
Lets hope they all jump in and drown!

[Tall Thin Duke]

I once had a problem with midgets

[RevEf]

I once had a problem with midgets
and their extra-dextrous digits

[Tall Thin Duke]

I once had a problem with midgets
and their extra-dextrous digits
they tickled and teased

[RevEf]

I once had a problem with midgets
and their extra-dextrous digits
they tickled and teased
but never quite pleased

[Tall Thin Duke]

I once had a problem with midgets
and their extra-dextrous digits
they tickled and teased
but never quite pleased
just passed gas and pulled at their widgets!

[Tall Thin Duke]

Did i tell you the story of Mungo

[Hyakujo's Fox]

Did i tell you the story of Mungo
who asked "Where did the sun go?"

[Tall Thin Duke]

Did i tell you the story of Mungo
who asked "Where did the sun go?"
He was completely amazed

[zenbabe]

Did i tell you the story of Mungo
who asked "Where did the sun go?"
He was completely amazed
That he felt kind of dazed

[Coffee]

Did i tell you the story of Mungo
who asked "Where did the sun go?"
He was completely amazed
That he felt kind of dazed
and he stumbled and stubbed his dumb toe.

[ambo]

Before my old hands start to wither

[Hyakujo's Fox]

Before my old hands start to wither
I will learn to play the zither

[AllegroNg]

Before my old hands start to wither
I will learn to play the zither
Tuuuh tuh toooo phooo

[Hyakujo's Fox]

Before my old hands start to wither
I will learn to play the zither
Tuuuh tuh toooo phooo
I'll play my song for you

[zenbabe]

Before my old hands start to wither
I will learn to play the zither
Tuuuh tuh toooo phooo
I'll play my song for you
and all just to make you come hither

[Hyakujo's Fox]

You dirty no good son of a bitch

[chuckie egg]

You dirty no good son of a bitch
Your presence makes my eye twitch

[Hyakujo's Fox]

You dirty no good son of a bitch
Your presence makes my eye twitch
And I'm ready to rumble

[dmplesut]

You dirty no good son of a bitch
Your presence makes my eye twitch
And I'm ready to rumble
To make your ass fumble

[Coffee]

You dirty no good son of a bitch
Your presence makes my eye twitch
And I'm ready to rumble
To make your ass fumble
Your ass kicking will go without a hitch

[zenbabe]

I'm thinking about driving to Texas

[Hyakujo's Fox]

I'm thinking about driving to Texas
So I've stolen my dumb brother's new Lexus

[ambo]

I'm thinking about driving to Texas
So I've stolen my dumb brother's new Lexus
There'll be bugs on the grille

[MaMiQtee5584]

I'm thinking about driving to Texas
So I've stolen my dumb brother's new Lexus
There'll be bugs on the grille
And sour moonshine to swill

[dmplesut]

I'm thinking about driving to Texas
So I've stolen my dumb brother's new Lexus
There'll be bugs on the grille
And sour moonshine to swill
It'll be great I'll hook up with my exes

[Hyakujo's Fox]

Oh, Baby, my heart skips a beat

[chuckie egg]

Oh, Baby, my heart skips a beat
whenever you show me your feet

[Aphrodite]

Oh, Baby, my heart skips a beat
whenever you show me your feet
The corns and the bunions

[Coffee]

Oh, Baby, my heart skips a beat
whenever you show me your feet
The corns and the bunions
Look sorta like onions

[MaMiQtee5584]

Oh, Baby, my heart skips a beat
whenever you show me your feet
The corns and the bunions
Look sorta like onions
And smell just as pungently sweet

[MaMiQtee5584]

Don't give me that Cheshire cat smile

[Aphrodite]

Don't give me that Cheshire cat smile
I haven't had sex for a while

[Tall Thin Duke]

Don't give me that Cheshire cat smile
I haven't had sex for a while
You make me tingle and quiver

[masterofNone]

Don't give me that Cheshire cat smile
I haven't had sex for a while
You make me tingle and quiver
dear god you better deliver

[Aphrodite]

Don't give me that Cheshire cat smile
I haven't had sex for a while
You make me tingle and quiver
dear god you better deliver
and be flexible and versatile

[Hyakujo's Fox]

They say "While there's life, there is hope"

[ambo]

They say "While there's life, there is hope"
So I think I'll just get me that rope

[funkytuba]

They say "While there's life, there is hope"
So I think I'll just get me that rope
A knot and some splices

[MaMiQtee5584]

They say "While there's life, there is hope"
So I think I'll just get me that rope
A knot and some splices
Are life-saving devices

[masterofNone]

They say "While there's life, there is hope"
So I think I'll just get me that rope
A knot and some splices
Are life-saving devices
but a noose is the best way to cope

[Frieda]

i have to send out a postcard

[funkytuba]

Originally posted by masterofNone
They say "While there's life, there is hope"
So I think I'll just get me that rope
A knot and some splices
Are life-saving devices
but a noose is the best way to cope

:confused: :confused: :confused:

[jenschka]

I ate a hot dog for lunch

[lapietra]

I ate a hot dog for lunch
With potato chips, and some punch

[Frieda]

uhh.. :confused:

[funkytuba]

I ate a hot dog for lunch
With potato chips, and some punch
My diet's a riot


i have to send out a postcard
but composing it will be most hard

[jenschka]

I ate a hot dog for lunch
With potato chips, and some punch
My diet's a riot
But I'll get right by it

i have to send out a postcard
but composing it will be most hard
I'll buy a thesaurus

[funkytuba]

I ate a hot dog for lunch
With potato chips, and some punch
My diet's a riot
But I'll get right by it
when broccoli for dinner I'll munch

[funkytuba]

i have to send out a postcard
but composing it will be most hard
I'll buy a thesaurus
for words like sonorus

[jenschka]

i have to send out a postcard
but composing it will be most hard
I'll buy a thesaurus
for words like sonorus
sorry Frieda, I'm a retard

[Hyakujo's Fox]

From my door there came a knocking

[Aphrodite]

From my door there came a knocking
Muffled voices, people talking

[zenbabe]

From my door there came a knocking
Muffled voices, people talking
A blow horn in the fog

[Hyakujo's Fox]

From my door there came a knocking
Muffled voices, people talking
A blow horn in the fog
The barking of a dog

[zenbabe]

From my door there came a knocking
Muffled voices, people talking
A blow horn in the fog
The barking of a dog
The tik tok of a tik tok a tokkin'

[Haute]

Friends came to my door late one night

[jenschka]

Friends came to my door late one night
I said "don't worry, it's alright"

[Haute]

Friends came to my door late one night
I said "don't worry, it's alright"
"it's all in your head"

[Hyakujo's Fox]

Friends came to my door late one night
I said "don't worry, it's alright"
"it's all in your head"
Now go home to bed!

[Coffee]

Friends came to my door late one night
I said "don't worry, it's alright"
"it's all in your head"
Now go home to bed!
No reason to be feeling fright

[rapscalious rob]

…but, unfortunately, they were wrong,

[Hyakujo's Fox]

…but, unfortunately, they were wrong,
and the truth would be known before long

[rapscalious rob]

…but, unfortunately, they were wrong,
and the truth would be known before long
Damn! I knew they were spies!

[Frieda]

…but, unfortunately, they were wrong,
and the truth would be known before long
Damn! I knew they were spies!
i could see it in their eyes

[RevEf]

…but, unfortunately, they were wrong,
and the truth would be known before long
Damn! I knew they were spies!
i could see it in their eyes
red after hitting my bong.

[agentsmith]

i dont want to know your name

[rapscalious rob]

i dont want to know your name
I just want to know if you’re game

[straymonk]

i dont want to know your name
I just want to know if you’re game
hanky-panky galore

[chuckie egg]

i dont want to know your name
I just want to know if you’re game
hanky-panky galore
just through that door

[funkytuba]

i dont want to know your name
I just want to know if you’re game
hanky-panky galore
just through that door
and you'll sure be glad that you came

[Hyakujo's Fox]

But we will not refund your money

[chuckie egg]

But we will not refund your money
the customer's wrong sometimes Honey

[straymonk]

But we will not refund your money
the customer's wrong sometimes Honey
we don't sell tires

[funkytuba]

But we will not refund your money
the customer's wrong sometimes Honey
we don't sell tires
or wires or lyres

[AllegroNg]

But we will not refund your money
the customer's wrong sometimes Honey
we don't sell tires
or wires or lyres
Stop hitting me! You're 'sposed to be a nun-ey

[Hyakujo's Fox]

Oh Hark! Do I hear the angels singing?

[AllegroNg]

Oh Hark! Do I hear the angels singing?
What shall I give to the new born king?

[masterofNone]

Oh Hark! Do I hear the angels singing?
What shall I give to the new born king?
a shiney new car?

[zenbabe]

Oh Hark! Do I hear the angels singing?
What shall I give to the new born king?
a shiney new car?
A pig in a jar?

[ambo]

Oh Hark! Do I hear the angels singing?
What shall I give to the new born king?
a shiney new car?
A pig in a jar?
Or a comic that says 'ba da bing' ?

[zenbabe]

I think I just found a gray hair

[Hyakujo's Fox]

I think I just found a gray hair
what's worse is I found it "down there"

[straymonk]

I think I just found a gray hair
what's worse is I found it "down there"
I'm getting too old

[chuckie egg]

I think I just found a gray hair
what's worse is I found it "down there"
I'm getting too old
but I'm trying to hold

[dinzdale]

I think I just found a gray hair
what's worse is I found it "down there"
I'm getting too old
but I'm trying to hold
the appearance of seeming debonaire

[RevEf]

You seem to have a third arm

[Fulgurite]

You seem to have a third arm
does it help when you work on the farm

[Hyakujo's Fox]

You seem to have a third arm
does it help when you work on the farm?
While two hands are diggin'

[AllegroNg]

You seem to have a third arm
does it help when you work on the farm?
While two hands are diggin'
is it for nose piggin?

[Hyakujo's Fox]

You seem to have a third arm
does it help when you work on the farm?
While two hands are diggin'
is it for nose piggin?
or for stroking yourself to keep calm?

[Coffee]

I just had a run of good luck

[funkytuba]

I just had a run of good luck
while driving around in my truck

[AllegroNg]

I just had a run of good luck
while driving around in my truck
I found Lala's kitty!




and so help me god if this limerick doesn't find the kitty and KINDLY RETURN IT TO LALA everyone will be castrated!:mad:

[Hyakujo's Fox]

I just had a run of good luck
while driving around in my truck
I found Lala's kitty!
and (s)he's now sitting pretty

[rapscalious rob]

I just had a run of good luck
while driving around in my truck
I found Lala's kitty!
and (s)he's now sitting pretty
In Lala’s abode, where ‘twas snuck!

(no castrations? deal? thanks.)

[AllegroNg]

Today there'll be no castrations

[Aphrodite]

Today there'll be no castrations
Unless performed at gas stations

[Smartypants]

Today there'll be no castrations
Unless performed at gas stations
I asked for unleaded

[Coffee]

Today there'll be no castrations
Unless performed at gas stations
I asked for unleaded
instead, was "beheaded"

[Smartypants]

Today there'll be no castrations
Unless performed at gas stations
I asked for unleaded
instead, was "beheaded"
A victim of dipstick truncation.

[straymonk]

The call of the wild was loud

[dmplesut]

This morning I wanted some pancakes

[Hyakujo's Fox]

double barrelled!

The call of the wild was loud
I was sick of this civilised crowd


This morning I wanted some pancakes
with red cherries, blueberries, corn flakes

[lapietra]

The call of the wild was loud
I was sick of this civilised crowd
So I threw on some shades


This morning I wanted some pancakes
with red cherries, blueberries, corn flakes
some sausage and bacon

[Hyakujo's Fox]

The call of the wild was loud
I was sick of this civilised crowd
So I threw on some shades
and my new rollerblades


This morning I wanted some pancakes
with red cherries, blueberries, corn flakes
some sausage and bacon
a black forest cake 'n'

[Deviate]

The call of the wild was loud
I was sick of this civilised crowd
So I threw on some shades
and my new rollerblades
and flew with my head in a cloud

This morning I wanted some pancakes
with red cherries, blueberries, corn flakes
some sausage and bacon
a black forest cake 'n'
after an antacid i'll take

[funkytuba]

My dog went and growled at the closet

[Smartypants]

My dog went and growled at the closet
(What rhymes? What a diff'cult composite!)

[rapscalious rob]

My dog went and growled at the closet
(What rhymes? What a diff'cult composite!)
the skeleton there

[Hyakujo's Fox]

My dog went and growled at the closet
(What rhymes? What a diff'cult composite!)
the skeleton there
in the cold damp air

[Coffee]

My dog went and growled at the closet
(What rhymes? What a diff'cult composite!)
the skeleton there
in the cold damp air
was clothed with lots of moss on it

[Smartypants]

Excellent, Coffee! I was on tenterhooks awaiting that last rhyme.
------

A bully named Billy from Philly

[Tall Thin Duke]

A bully named Billy from Philly
Grabbed Tim by the hair and his willy:eek:

[Smartypants]

A bully named Billy from Philly
Grabbed Tim by the hair and his willy
"Your willy's so wooly!"

[Tall Thin Duke]

A bully named Billy from Philly
Grabbed Tim by the hair and his willy
"Your willy's so wooly!"
Said Billy so cooly

[Smartypants]

A bully named Billy from Philly
Grabbed Tim by the hair and his willy
"Your willy's so wooly!"
Said Billy so cooly
And on the spot made Tim his fillie.

[RevEf]

Disgruntled by this were Tim's folks

[Smartypants]

Disgruntled by this were Tim's folks
No joke was this bloke who Tim pokes

[RevEf]

Disgruntled by this were Tim's folks
No joke was this bloke who Tim pokes
a felon and thug,

[funkytuba]

Disgruntled by this were Tim's folks
No joke was this bloke who Tim pokes
a felon and thug
who fell on a butt plug

[Smartypants]

Disgruntled by this were Tim's folks
No joke was this bloke who Tim pokes
a felon and thug
who fell on a butt plug
was a thug with a plug they din't dug.

[Smartypants]

Whoops, I got carried away with myself there and screwed up the rhyme. I'll stop the alliterative stuttering now, I swear. (I'll at least try.)

[Smartypants]

Aha! It's not my fault. I realize now that that it's not a limerick at all and I broke no limerick rules. The meter's off all the way through. (It's missing one syllable at the end of lines 1 and 2.)

I am now perfectly satisfied with the entirety of our effort. (Although it still ain't no limerick.)

[Hyakujo's Fox]

Purity! O, thou art our muse!

[RevEf]

Purity! O, thou art our muse!
forgive us when we get confused!

[funkytuba]

^_____!___^___^___!____^____^______!
Dis grun-tled by this were Tim's folks

^___!____^___^_____!_____^_____^____!
No joke was this bloke who(m) Tim pokes

^__!__^___^___!
a fel-on and thug

^_____^__!__^__^____!
who fell on a butt plug

^_____^_____!____^___^__!___^____^____!
They just could-n't put up with the jokes



:rolleyes:

PS: Improper scansion and rhyme are no reason to abandon a limerick... if you think you can do better, you can just post an edited version here or in the Solo Limericks thread

PPS: Welcome!! always glad to have some new energy infused in here.

[funkytuba]

Purity! O, thou art our muse!
forgive us when we get confused!
lest newbie nit-pickers

[ambo]

Purity! O, thou art our muse!
forgive us when we get confused!
lest newbie nit-pickers
make knots of their knickers

[rapscalious rob]

Purity! O, thou art our muse!
forgive us when we get confused!
lest newbie nit-pickers
make knots of their knickers
‘til they can no longer be used!

[Smartypants]

Purity! O, thou art our muse!
forgive us when we get confused!
lest newbie nit-pickers
make knots of their knickers
over syllables they've wrongly choosed

----------
One more thing and then I'll shut up.

If one takes a classic Limerick like:

"There once was a whore from Calcutta"

The beat would be:

one TWO three one TWO three one TWO three
one TWO three one TWO three one TWO three
one TWO three one TWO three
one TWO three one TWO three
one TWO three one TWO three one TWO three.

I am happy to follow the original post's Hickory Dickory Dock example, or funkytuba's wonderfully drawn score, but as a newbie nit-picker I just wanted to throw this out to you.

Aside to funkytuba:

"no joke was this bloke whom Tim pokes"
makes Billy the object of the poking, but since Tim is Billy's fillie I would assume Billy does the lion's share of the poking. But "no joke was this bloke who pokes Tim" screws with the ryhme.

Should it have been "no joke was this bloke who, Tim, pokes?"

[rapscalious rob]

zemonkeys need ebananas

[funkytuba]

Wow!!! someone who reads posting rules
for this baudy thread *OMG* *drools*
*rapture**sublime*
and he knows how to rhyme
I thought it had gone to the mules!

we'll have lot of fun with you, I think..

The spirit of ProfessionalGun's post was "If a reasonable person cannot easily tell where the stresses should fall, don't put it in this thread"

my having to diagram it out probably makes it de facto "un-pure"

However, even in this purist thread, there's a little wiggle room... you should be able to play with the beat, again, as long as the stresses are intuitive.

The other thing that often smoothes things over a bit is to use consistency in your dickering:


Disgruntled by this were Tim's folks
This bloke who pokes Tim was no joke
that felon and thug
fell on a butt plug,
T'was filled with a kilo of coke!

[Smartypants]

I'm with you, O tuba, rhyme on!

zemonkeys need ebananas
prefer too zebeachy cabanas

[straymonk]

zemonkeys need ebananas
prefer too zebeachy cabanas
throwing poo at zezoo

[Hyakujo's Fox]

zemonkeys need ebananas
prefer too zebeachy cabanas
throwing poo at zezoo
at the hairy zegnu

[funkytuba]

zemonkeys need ebananas
prefer too zebeachy cabanas
throwing poo at zezoo
at the hairy zegnu
Like Beale in ZeLouisiana

[Smartypants]

O brother! Please bring me a cocktail

[RevEf]

O brother! Please bring me a cocktail
I druther you do it without fail!

[Smartypants]

O brother! Please bring me a cocktail
I druther you do it without fail!
Make it strong, serve it neat

[RevEf]

O brother! Please bring me a cocktail
I druther you do it without fail!
Make it strong, serve it neat
then stir it with your feet

[Hyakujo's Fox]

O brother! Please bring me a cocktail
I druther you do it without fail!
Make it strong, serve it neat
then stir it with your feet
to give it the flavour of toe nail

[rapscalious rob]

My biscuits are hidden from me

[straymonk]

My biscuits are hidden from me
that buttery flavor, so tasty

[Hyakujo's Fox]

My biscuits are hidden from me
that buttery flavor, so tasty
and the cream in-between

[Smartypants]

My biscuits are hidden from me
that buttery flavor, so tasty
and the cream in-between
I will never be lean!

[Coffee]

My biscuits are hidden from me
that buttery flavor, so tasty
and the cream in-between
I will never be lean!
with Pastries, I am always hasty

[straymonk]

My computer crashed on Tuesday

[funkytuba]

My computer crashed on Tuesday
I'd used it in a loose way

[ambo]

My computer crashed on Tuesday
I'd used it in a loose way
I fondled its disk

[rapscalious rob]

My computer crashed on Tuesday
I'd used it in a loose way
I fondled its disk
and, heedless of risk,

[Smartypants]

My computer crashed on Tuesday
I'd used it in a loose way
I fondled its disk
and, heedless of risk,
ended up on the front page of Newsday.

[rapscalious rob]

I’m pissed, ‘cause you stepped on my toe

[Smartypants]

I’m pissed, ‘cause you stepped on my toe
That's my bunion you ho, don't you know?!

[rapscalious rob]

I’m pissed, ‘cause you stepped on my toe
That's my bunion you ho, don't you know?!
Just at least say you’re sorry

[Smartypants]

I’m pissed, ‘cause you stepped on my toe
That's my bunion you ho, don't you know?!
Just at least say you’re sorry
or else, come tomorr-y

[straymonk]

I’m pissed, ‘cause you stepped on my toe
That's my bunion you ho, don't you know?!
Just at least say you’re sorry
or else, come tomorr-y
to massage my hurt toe nice and slow.

[chuckie egg]

Last night I slept not a wink

[Smartypants]

Last night I slept not a wink
I'm a plumber, yet can't fix my sink

[straymonk]

Last night I slept not a wink
I'm a plumber, yet can't fix my sink
Drip-drop came that noise

[Hyakujo's Fox]

Last night I slept not a wink
I'm a plumber, yet can't fix my sink
Drip-drop came that noise
that noise that annoys

[ambo]

Last night I slept not a wink
I'm a plumber, yet can't fix my sink
Drip-drop came that noise
that noise that annoys
Till I looked just like Barton Fink

[Hyakujo's Fox]

I just heard some aliens have landed

[chuckie egg]

I just heard some aliens have landed
I can't deal with this this single-handed

[Hyakujo's Fox]

I just heard some aliens have landed
I can't deal with this this single-handed
So put on your tin foil

[RevEf]

I just heard some aliens have landed
I can't deal with this this single-handed
So put on your tin foil
set phasers to "char-broil"

[Tall Thin Duke]

I just heard some aliens have landed
I can't deal with this this single-handed
So put on your tin foil
set phasers to "char-broil"
And kick butt just like old Dan Dare did!