Overheard in the workplace
 

"oh…it's just big, nasty, white cake."

"Go with Ocenan's Eleven. That's a safe one."

"You want it when?"

ha ha ha, i say this all the time and then i laugh and laugh....

I'm self employed, and need the work badly...I have to say..."ok"... then I cry and cry and cry.

i own a service bureau, i get to laugh, but then i get it done when they want it anyhow

" i dont think the tall guy in the corner is wearing any underpants"

Said with absolutely no conviction, and followed by giggles:

"I'm a slave . . . for you?"

"I can't find the file you put in my home directory."


(use ls -a instead of ls, dickweed)

:D

"Did you see that woman in the red dress? She was like Skanky the Christmas Elf!"

LOL! That's priceless!



Damn how I love Google ;)

i don't care what InDesign says, there are no links in that file.

(precisely the problem you nimrod)

" did i do anything bad yesterday? "

"Do we get snow days?"


Actually I didn't hear that one... it was me that asked.... and then they laughed and laughed....

You must have failed the mandatory sexual harrassment course

Spouses and families are not invited to the company christmas party.

Makes me wonder what they've got in store...

this from a friend of mine who is a social worker and works at a group home....................

"I INVENTED ELECTRICITY AND SOMEBODY OWES ME SOME GOD DAMN MONEY"

Hookers for everyone! hahahahahahaha

Here's mine:


"Since we're in a different department this year, your Christmas present is lunch w/Russ."

our holiday party is going to be January 30th this year, and on a boat so people can't leave after they give out the door prizes...

Special Instructions on a customer's security account in case of PD dispatch:

Notify PD that the husband sleeps in the walk-in closet of the master bedroom.

"Mom had called."

this had me laughing. A guy telling a girl this... a girl he is hitting on

... he saw an opportunity to establish his priorities! :p

I've heard a lot of talk in my time...

"…don't worry he's just Canadian…"

Old lady number one: "Help!"

Old lady number two: "Help!"

Old lady number three: "Help!"

Old lady number four: "Fark them all, help ME!"

Overheard - the eccentric, absent-minded receptionist to a harried paralegal:

"I think you're just about the nicest person I've ever met...but I'm going to have to think about that a little more."

"Oh. Thanks. I think"

Two girls I work with got their tongues pierced a few weeks ago. One of the coworkers at the one girl's part time job said:


"I know why you girls want to get your tongues pierced. I've been married for 39 years, you know what I do? Stick a Jolly Rancher in your mouth first, then go to town!"

conversation evolves into:

"You mean you never put something in your mouth first?"

"No. Well maybe some Pop Rocks. "

^^her new nickname is Pop Rocks.

:D

two guys talking further down the hall in the cubicle jungle

> hey, new pair of jeans? nice!
< yeah, thanks, the wallet doesnt fit in the back pocket though. and it looks kinda weird to put it in the front!
> well, that would make you look metrosexual. actually, you already are looking quite metro today
< ...
> really nice pants!

:D

That's one of those things you really can't respond to.

One of our realtors to our receptionist:
"so where do you get your blow job?"

the question was supose to be, "where do you get your hair blow dried?" I don't think we'll be seeing him around here for a while, he left with his face bright red.

I heard our catch-all school advisor say these two tidbits of wisdom within a minute of each other. She was prepping us for the SATs:

"Back when I was in school, I would've done really well on the science-related section. I wanted to go into medicine for around two years, but I ended up here instead!"

"The brain is a muscle. One of the biggest in your body. And, just like all other muscles, the more you exercise it, the bigger it grows."

Medicine, my ass! :D

^^^ yah - a real brain surgeon there!! :rolleyes: :D

M'kay, I have to tell a doctor story.

There is an OB here who has given clients of mine, when they ask about why he so frequently does episiotomies despite their being more likely to result in severe tears and infection, the following explanation:

"The outlet of the birth canal is a square."

*holds up thumbs and forefingers in paper football goalpost fashion*

"If you don't do an episiotomy, it tears at the corners."

:confused: :confused: :confused:

Oooooookaaaaay.
I have always wanted to ask him if he's ever delivered a baby with his eyes open.

from behind the cabinet wall that separates my desk island from the rest of the cubicle hallway:

> "every time i hear you talk i feel i have to clear my throat.. "

< "yeah there's something uncomfortable in it, it's been like this for a couple of weeks.. a bit raw.."

> "oh, does your throat also itch?"

< "KKGGHHGHHHHGGGGGGHHH"

and then from another desk island:

"dude, that was pretty fierce"

overheard as I passed two white women in the cafeteria:

Oh my god, did you see that ? I think he has a third leg.

"....too bad it's so obviously lame."

"You don't have your teeth in? Well you can't have mine, they're natural! How about you have his? He'll lend you his teeth!"

in whispered voices :

"I just found out it is true what they say about Black men, you know...down there. " :D