You'll never learn to converse credibly about wine.

Chin up -- Chapped lips are a virtue in some countries.

you will continue to exist in your broken marriage until the last dregs of love are drained from the shattered cup of your relationship.

we hope you enjoyed this crunchy protein filled cookie made from real cockroaches

You must be really desperate to resort to cookie advice and you don't want to hear the rest of your personal lot because you are in suicidal mood anyway.

Help! I'm trapped in a Chinese cookie factory!

The guy behind you has scabies.

Your life wouldn't be any better if you stopped smoking and lost weight.

Maybe she's just like that.

you are an insurance salesman at heart

You will spend too much time on the internet this weekend.

You will soon choose a hairstyle that is unflattering.

Cat meat increases libido. No MSG.

When your time comes, the end will be with osteoporosis, Depends, bad eyesight, and a nasty disposition. But look at the bright side, you will also have alzheimers so you won't remember any of it.

there's a giant tongue in your toilet.