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smellyrayzin 11-29-2006 12:15 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by auntie aubrey

LOL

Smartypants 11-29-2006 07:42 AM


zero 11-29-2006 12:13 PM


ambo 12-05-2006 05:15 PM


Smartypants 12-05-2006 05:58 PM

American Orthodox.

(Bear through the ad that runs first -- The Stephen Colbert Word of the Day is completely worth it.)

Smartypants 12-05-2006 06:05 PM

Why be defeated in war, when you can be "defeated" in "war"?

The Daily Show's John Oliver on the Rumsfeld Memo.

Jack Flanders 12-05-2006 07:09 PM

^^^ That was so Monty Python logic!!!! :D (My husband knows Jon (Leibowitz) Stewart's dad.)


geechee_girl 12-06-2006 11:35 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ambo

Too funny!

ambo 12-07-2006 01:04 AM


priceyfatprude 12-08-2006 02:23 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by trisherina
He can't be Bruce. We have an in-joke here about a wrong number phoning and asking for Bruce, and the phone got picked up by two people at once, and the person who wasn't talking to the caller started interjecting, "I'm Bruce! Help! I'm Bruce!!" in comedic fashion. NO BRUCE!

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

craig johnston 12-08-2006 08:53 AM

Quote:

Ashley Cole's barrister in the 'tapping-up' case has revealed the defender was Arsenal's PFA representative while at the club - but "appeared to have no knowledge of the fact".
lol!

:)

Jack Flanders 12-11-2006 03:27 PM



:rolleyes:

ambo 12-11-2006 07:39 PM

A Montana rancher was overseeing his herd in a remote mountainous pasture when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced out of a dust cloud towards him.

The driver, a young man in a Brioni suit, Gucci shoes, Ray Ban sunglasses and YSL tie, leans out the window and asks the cowboy, "If I tell you exactly how many cows and calves you have in your herd, will you give me a calf?"

The cowboy looks at the man, obviously a yuppie, then looks at his peacefully grazing herd and calmly answers, "Sure, Why not?"

The yuppie parks his car, whips out his Dell notebook computer, connects it to his Cingular RAZR V3 cell phone, and surfs to a NASA page on the Internet, where he calls up a GPS satellite navigation system to get an exact fix on his location which he then feeds to another NASA satellite that scans the area in an ultra-high-resolution photo.

The young man then opens the digital photo in Adobe Photoshop and exports it to an image processing facility in Hamburg, Germany.?


Within seconds, he receives an email on his Palm Pilot that the image has been processed and the data stored.

He then accesses a MS-SQL database through an ODBC connected Excel spreadsheet with email on his Blackberry and, after a few minutes, receives a response. ? Finally, he prints out a full-color, 150-page report on his hi-tech, miniaturized HP LaserJet printer and finally turns to the cowboy and says, "You have exactly 1,586 cows and calves."

"That's right. Well, I guess you can take one of my calves," says the cowboy.

He watches the young man select one of the animals and looks on amused as the young man stuffs it into the trunk of his car.

Then the cowboy says to the young man,? "Hey, if I can tell you exactly what your business is, will you give me back my calf?"

The young man thinks about it for a second and then says,? "Okay, why not?" ? You're a Congressman for the U.S. Government", says the cowboy.

"Wow! That's correct," says the yuppie, "but how did you guess that?" ? "No guessing required." answered the cowboy. "You showed up here even though nobody called you; you want to get paid for an answer I already knew, to a question I never asked. You tried to show me how much smarter than me you are; and you don't know a thing about cows...this is a herd of sheep.

Now give me back my dog.

Jack Flanders 12-11-2006 08:11 PM

^^^ Hahah!

LadyCrow 12-11-2006 10:54 PM

Christmas Carols for the Psychologically Challenged
 
1. Schizophrenia --- Do You Hear What I Hear?

2. Multiple Personality Disorder --- We Three Queens Disoriented Are

3. Amnesia --- I Don't Know if I'll be Home for Christmas

4. Narcissistic --- Hark the Herald Angels Sing About Me

5. Manic --- Deck the Halls and Walls and House and Lawn and Streets and Stores and Office and Town and Cars and Buses and Trucks and Trees and Fire Hydrants and ...

6. Paranoid --- Santa Claus is Coming to Get Me

7. Borderline Personality Disorder --- Thoughts of Roasting on an Open Fire

8 . Full Personality Disorder-- You Better Watch Out, I'm Gonna Cry, I'm Gonna Pout, Maybe I'll tell You Why

9. Obsessive Compulsive Disorder ---Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells ..

10. Agoraphobia --- I Heard the Bells on Christmas Day But Wouldn't Leave My House

11. Senile Dementia --- Walking in a Winter Wonderland Miles From My House in My Slippers and Robe

12. Oppositional Defiant Disorder --- I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus So I Burned Down the House

13. Social Anxiety Disorder --- Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas While I Sit Here and Hyperventilate.

:D


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