In hell you itch badly. Everywhere. Gradually, you come to understand pain is itch with the safety on.

In hell, someone else always chooses what music you get to listen to.

In hell like wow dude all the conversation is like about you know indie rock bands

In hell, every time you bite into your food, it bites back. When you walk around with your mouth still bleeding, everyone knows you've been eating and frown in deprecation.

In hell, there is a little bit of cream of mushroom soup in absolutely everything.

Hell is just a bowl of cherrypits.

in hell, your butt is always cold.

In hell children swarm all over the tennis courts while you're trying to play.

In hell the adults keep hitting you with tennis rackets when you're trying to play your own kids' games.

In hell, things, even whole streets shift or swap places at night, so you can't find them in the morning and you lose your way around town. Perpetually.

in hell, you're always in Lander, Wyoming

In hell, it's impossible to finish a crossword puzzle.

In hell, you always discovered a doubled-up number when you're almost finished the sudoku.

In hell, the letter u pieces are always missing from Scrabble

In hell there are no forebrains.