Can you hear someone calling for help from your basement?



I call it making friends the old fashioned way.

What are you doing with all that dust and clay?

Now that's what I call the sound of fast relief.

Yeah, but what is that SMELL?


Two treadless tires, a half-eaten pork pie, and a broken bedstead.

Now then, what extras does your guest room offer?


Not on this side of the street....

Did you see a yellow Corvette with a black top and a smashed left front fender fleeing three police cars, pursued by Arnold Schwartzenegger with a shotgun on a motorcycle, go by here?


The collapse of world finance.

What killer app did you just whip up with your iPhone developers kit?

Underhill and Overdale.

Did your girlfriend starred in a porn movie just to break up with you?

So as to be more identifiable by pedestrians and police officers as a member of the male gender.

Why are you driving that car?


Three cats, two parrots, and a dog.

What's for dinner?


I prefer to think of it as an exercise in restraint.

Why did you kiss everybody but me?


An open window, three knotted sheets, and a smile on her face.

What can you recall from the night she left?


Hey, we've all been there.

Why am I standing here with a revolver in my hand, a body on the floor, and blood on the walls?


Twenty, please.

How many boxes of Viagra do you want?!

Floating away.

Where do you see yourself in five years?



The only way to bubble-bathe.

Do you think climbing fully clothed into the tub is appropriate?

Crusted with salt.