What's your wife's nickname? (Rimshot)

Sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry I couldn't resist, I am terrible.

Are we there yet?

You will always be my hero.

Did I tell you I went to the gym this week?

Ive started a few rumours to that effect.

I haven't seen him around, did M.B's head explode after the last TDG?

Pull that out, pump a few times, then twist the little dangley bits...it should start up.

What's the best way to begin a romance at sea?

A cabbage and the heads of my enemies.

Can you please enumerate for me the main ingredients for Bolshevik Golubtsy?

That was low, dude. Real Low.

On a scale of 1-10, where 10 = "Haha, funny one, dude - a little low though!", and 1 = Real Low, as in "Dude, I don't know how you sleep, you're such a scum-sucking dirtbag from corporate headquarters," how would you rate it?

It wasn't worth waking you up for it, that's for sure.

why did you wait until noon to play that three letter word
on Words With Friedns?

I never really thought about whether they felt that way
or not.

Why is there a water bottle and a pair of boxers in this parking space?


That's just the way it is bro, that's just the way it is.

My hard boiled egg is awful salty after your 2 year old nephew got done with the salt cellar. Any reason why?


Lemon tikki masala dosa paneer vindaloo gnocci tots.

Looks like all we have in the house is 2 lemons, a package of Near East rice and lentil pilaf, a carton of eggs, milk that expired 2 days ago, half a bag of frozen tater tots, and whatever's in the spice cabinet. What should we make for dinner?



All I'm saying is they should've known you can't leave a monkey alone with that many office supplies.

So there's this Singularity forming down at Office Depot... any idea why?

Because they didn't migrate their back transactions!

Why did they have to audit the International Association of Chiropractors?


A free used hankie.

^

What does Hank look like now after his divorce?


It's empty now, and very dark.