The people sitting at the next table are actually laughing at you. Look!

I spit in your General Tso's Chicken.

Lend someone a hand, an ear, or a shoulder to cry on. But to get really lucky, consider offering your kidneys or your liver. You won't last long, anyway.

I know, what you really want is an Oreo, but this is all you get.

The place where you had your rehearsal dinner will soon be turned to a 24-hour "Adult Megaplex."

This is a bad omen.

You might be surprised to discover that one of your dreams is awfully close to becoming a reality, today. Well, actually, one of your nightmares.

"Man who farts in church, sits in own pew"
*I'm bored*:cool:

Don't do it -- he's not into your kind of kink.

Today is your chance to sneak out without paying.

Your credit card was declined.

Hakuma matata! So what if you can't find your house keys? Those two who left half an hour ago already found them...

Never come here dressed like that again.

Congrats! I believe you know that's what you were having.

No fortune for you!

Congratulations on your newly acquired immunodeficiency syndrome.