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-   -   Post something that made you laugh today. (http://www.zefrank.com/bulletin_new/showthread.php?t=4329)

JesusTitties 02-08-2006 04:30 AM

ebay complaint i just read:

Complaint : BOUGTH IT FOR MY COUSIN WHO HAD CANCER, ITEM NEVER ARRIVED AND MY COUSIN DIED


thats the greatest ebay feedback i have ever seen

12"razormix 02-08-2006 06:55 AM

cancer is definitely almost as entertaining as fat people.

karma_queen 02-08-2006 07:13 AM

there was the most entertaining documentary on a couple of days ago about morbidly obese people. this dude was from nebraska (i think) and weighed nearly 80 stone. his excuse?

'it's my metabolism', as his wife feeds him a breakfast of 10 fried eggs....

AllegroNg 02-08-2006 04:56 PM

During a morning breifing President Bush was informed that three Brazillian soldiers had just died. To which President Bush loudly replied "That's horrible!" His aides were shocked at his characteristically shocked response. After a brief pause to compose him self, President Bush asked, "How many is a brazillian anyway?"

JesusTitties 02-08-2006 05:27 PM


priceyfatprude 02-09-2006 12:49 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by karma_queen
there was the most entertaining documentary on a couple of days ago about morbidly obese people. this dude was from nebraska (i think) and weighed nearly 80 stone. his excuse?

'it's my metabolism', as his wife feeds him a breakfast of 10 fried eggs....

I remember him!!! The reporter was asking his wife why she didn't lay down he law about his overeating & he butted in rather nastily about genetics.

His parents were both of normal size.

JesusTitties 02-09-2006 04:31 AM


Smartypants 02-09-2006 10:45 PM

Rosa Parks didn't know how good she had it:

"Someday we will be judged by the contents of our character, and not the color of our lungs."

madasacutsnake 02-10-2006 07:35 PM

Overheard at work.

"Liz is pissed off about something"

"How do you know?"

"She did that single raised eyebrow thing"

priceyfatprude 02-10-2006 10:55 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by madasacutsnake
Overheard at work.

"Liz is pissed off about something"

"How do you know?"

"She did that single raised eyebrow thing"

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

OMG

I KNOW THAT LOOK!

Smartypants 02-10-2006 11:08 PM

Quote:

ATTY GENERAL ALBERTO GONZALES [Testifying before the senate Judiciary Committee this week]: I gave in my opening statement, Senator, examples where President Washington, President Lincoln, President Wilson, President Roosevelt have all authorized electronic surveillance of the enemy on a far broader scale -- far broader -- without any kind of probable cause standard, all communications in and out of the country.
Quote:

Gonzales explains "electronic surveillance" remarks
Special to Pajamaline Media

Attorney General Alberto Gonzales, widely ridiculed for yesterday’s statement that “President Washington, President Lincoln, President Wilson, President Roosevelt have all authorized electronic surveillance on a far broader scale” than that undertaken by President Bush, explained to the Senate Judiciary Committee today that George Washington’s “time” “machine” allowed him to travel backwards from 1790 to 1777 and reverse the colonists’ almost certain defeat at the hands of the British during the bleakest winter of the Revolutionary War.

Jabbing the air with “quotation” marks each time he uttered the words “time” and “machine,” Gonzales insisted that there was no other explanation for the outcome of the Revolutionary War.

“The Americans were outmanned, underfed, and barely clothed,” Gonzales noted, “and they were fighting one of the most powerful nations in the world. If not for Washington’s bold decision to bypass FISA and develop his ‘time’ ‘machine,’ we might all be speaking British to this very day.”

Senator Jeff Sessions (R - Alabama) underscored Gonzales’s statement, saying, “I am extremely disturbed by those Democrats and those members of the media who suggest that the father of our country was some kind of criminal, just because he wanted to defeat the enemy.”

Sessions proceeded to ask Gonzales about Abraham Lincoln’s use of electronics, and whether Lincoln might have used illegal methods in the conduct of “the war of Northern aggression.”

Gonzales replied that Lincoln had, indeed, ignored FISA during the Civil War. “Thanks to the development of his ‘laser’ in late 1863,” Gonzales said, once again making broad, exaggerated “quotation” gestures with his hands, “Lincoln was able to overcome the South’s early military victories and win the war. You don’t think William T. Sherman caused all that destruction by himself, do you?” Gonzales proceeded to explain that Lincoln’s laser was the result of a special project undertaken by Secretary of War Alan Parsons, and that its secret code name during the war was, accordingly, “the Alan Parsons Project.”

Injecting a moment of drama into the proceedings, Lindsey Graham (R - South Carolina) suddenly ran from the chamber in tears, vowing “revenge” against General Sherman and “laser-toting Yankees everywhere.”

When the committee returned to business, Russ Feingold (D - Wisconsin) interrogated Gonzales repeatedly about Lincoln’s laser, suggesting that “light amplification by stimulated emission of radiation” was not invented until 1958, when Arthur Schawlow and Charles Townes published the paper “Infrared and Optical Masers” in the journal Physical Review.

“That much is true,” said Gonzales. “But thanks to President Eisenhower’s wise decision to use Washington’s ‘time’ ‘machine’ in 1959, he was able to skirt messy, bureaucratic Congressional oversight in order to deliver the ‘laser’ to Abraham Lincoln just in the nick of time. And that’s the kind of crisp, time-travelling decision-making power the President needs today.”
.

Jack Flanders 02-11-2006 02:56 AM

I've lived in Trenton NJ for the last 22 years and know for a fact that in the 1770's that George Washington (and he slept here ya know as did Lincoln but not together) wasn't even using tin cans and a string nor a drinking glass on the wall to listen to the British or the Hessians who were caught drinking quite heavily around Christmas many years ago - three miles from where I live. Cool, huh? Not funny? Well, the stoopid Hessians were so hung over that they f*cked up and pretty much lost the war for the the Brits. Old news, I know. Never mind.

priceyfatprude 02-11-2006 11:28 PM

1 Attachment(s)
I liked it, Jack. :)

Smartypants 02-12-2006 03:55 AM

I had to think hard about whether or not to post this, as I feared that if Frieda saw it, she would dump the Hoff and he would lose her forever into the arms of Stephen Colbert...

It's a risk that I've decided is worth it.

:D

Smartypants 02-13-2006 03:44 AM



Crank up the volume!!! (Unless you're situated in a stodgy work environment.)



(The source.)

Jack Flanders 02-13-2006 08:35 PM

Woo Hoo!! dicdicdicdic... Did ya hear the one about Dick out shooting for Dan Quail?

ambo 02-13-2006 10:10 PM

Chris Bliss

.... and the finale piece is just awesome ....

Jack Flanders 02-13-2006 11:01 PM

good with balls!!

priceyfatprude 02-14-2006 12:04 AM

Campus Ladies on Oxygen.

Like Strangers with Candy!!!

trisherina 02-14-2006 02:11 AM

Q: Did Aborigines have pets?
A: Sort of. Aboriginal people did not keep pets, but they did have animals that might have stayed outside their houses.

~*WickedAngel*~ 02-14-2006 08:10 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Smartypants
^^ Halloween 2007?? What's your big hurry? :confused:


There was never supposed to be a hurry. His mom hates me, that much I know. It scares the crap out of me that she wants to help plan the wedding. She was calling me every night at all hours of the night about dress plans, flowers, colors, so on. Finally we decided that we weren't planning a d**n thing anymore until he actually proposes. Apparently he thinks we'll "jinx" the wedding if we plan anything this early, but I have ideas.

Is it weird to have planned some of your wedding before he even proposes?

Smartypants 02-14-2006 05:53 PM

Tonight the Vice President is standing by his decision to shoot Harry Whittington. Now according to the best intelligence available, there were quail hidden in the brush. Everyone believed at the time-there-were-quail in the brush. And while the quail turned out to be the 78 year old man -- even knowing that today, Mr. Cheney insists -- he still would have shot Mr. Whittington in the face.

Click.

~*WickedAngel*~ 02-15-2006 02:34 AM

The pictures I posted in the Valentine's Day thread.

JesusTitties 02-15-2006 11:39 AM


Smartypants 02-15-2006 02:33 PM

Olympics Opening Ceremony

Truth is stranger than fiction!

HAHAHAHA!!!

sparticle 02-16-2006 12:45 AM

Screaming Banshee Goes On A Date

trisherina 02-16-2006 12:46 AM

.
Quote:

Originally Posted by dinzdale
I'll take the bracelet as I could use it to make a fork.


craig johnston 02-16-2006 10:12 PM

1 Attachment(s)
naughty jj!

Frieda 02-17-2006 08:26 AM

i've just been invited to a meeting at work called

"work more efficiently in 2006"

WTF?? :D it's from 13:30-14:30.. i'll let you guys know :D

madasacutsnake 02-17-2006 10:14 AM

Post from the meeting if possible.

Frieda 02-17-2006 11:45 AM

ok im back


well this was cool with post it notes on the wall and stuff like that

and were going to

- solve problems to stop incidents from happening
- shift work around
- have less meetings :D

jasmina 02-17-2006 11:53 AM

sounds like it was incredibly productive then.
Do you feel more efficient already?

ShopaholicChick 02-17-2006 09:02 PM

I got hit on today by a Dude wearing Panty Hose!!!

craig johnston 02-17-2006 09:20 PM

dinzdale strikes again!

:)

~*WickedAngel*~ 02-17-2006 09:52 PM

My aunt wants to name my cousin's unborn child Nicholas Alvin Elijah. Alvin...Like the chipmunk. So now everytime I talk to her, I sing the chipmunk theme song.

jasmina 02-20-2006 01:47 PM

What Makes 100%?

What does it mean to give MORE than 100%?

Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%?

We have all been to those meetings where someone wants you to give over 100%.

How about achieving 103%?

What makes up 100% in life?

Here's a little mathematical formula that might help you answer these
questions:

If:
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P
Q R S T U V W X Y Z

is represented as:
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16
17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26

Then:

H-A-R-D-W-O-R-K
8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = 98%

and

K-N-O-W-L-E-D-G-E
11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 = 96%

But,

A-T-T-I-T-U-D-E
1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100%

And,

B-U-L-L-S-H-I-T
2+21+12+12+19+8+9+20 = 103%

AND, look how far ass kissing will take you.

A-S-S-K-I-S-S-I-N-G
1+19+19+11+9+19+19+9+14+7 = 118%

So, one can conclude with mathematical certainty that While Hard work and Knowledge will get you close, and Attitude will get you there, it's the Bullshit and Ass kissing that will put you over the top.

Jack Flanders 02-20-2006 08:53 PM

That was funny and very clever!!!!

dinzdale 02-21-2006 12:07 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by davemarcet
i have a ball python that i want to breed he is a bout 2 feet he is a goood eater so if you know ney thing a bout breeding ball python post a it oh haer ok

This is possibly the funniest thing I have read in a month.... :)

ShopaholicChick 02-21-2006 02:03 PM

Eas ter (e ster) noun The celebration of the day when Jesus died, was buried and then resurrected as a chocolate rabbit who lays colorful eggs and then carries them house to house in a little basket, delivering them to all the children


if you like that check out my store it is available on tshirts and more along with other witty sayings!!!!! the link is in my signature!!

karma_queen 02-21-2006 02:08 PM

^ that made me laugh. but for all the wrong reasons.


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