every page of every book we open to read is covered in red-ink underlines with double exclamation marked side-notes in the jagged scrawl of somebody clearly convinced by the politics and pseudophilosophy of ayn rand

... everyone is being so nice and polite to each other through the gritted teeth and fake smiles of contempt.

In hell, everyone around us says, "supposebly."

hahaha

and "exetera"

in hell, whenever it smells like fart everyone looks at you like you did it.

In hell, when you need to go to the toilet very much, it is always occupied by someone else for a very long time. Once a week for too long.

In hell, you need to wait in line for everything. The person in front of you in line always has very lengthy, complicated business and the person behind you always shouts incessantly into her cell phone.

In hell, there is no cool side of the pillow.

In hell you can only get a very dark roasted coffee. They "claim" to offer a medium roast, but it is a dark roast too.

In hell, there is free internet everywhere, but it's all at less than 1kb/s so everything takes forever to load.

In hell, the only newspaper is always devoted to stories about Britney Spears.

... and is made of not very well recycled last scraps of toilet paper, so it crumbles while reading, leaving strange stains. It's not even good to swat a fly with.

In hell, there is no water pressure especially when you wash your hair
In hell, all the stories in the Onion are true.

In hell, when you're just about to bite into a sandwich - or any other food - in squeals out loud and squirts ketchup into your eyes and generally tries to wiggle away.

Every time you eat something you feel guilty of murdering your food.

all our friends are imaginary friends