in hel evryting u hav 2 reed iz ritten bi 12yrolds on msn

^ Wait, that's not a subtle torment.

in hell, the pharmacy always gives you the wrong medication

^ And no wonder, because in hell there're no prescriptions. Instead, you've got to mime your problems in the pharmacy and they guess. Because you're not allowed to speak, it's quite difficult to get the right meds for e.g. constipation or diarrhea.

No need. In hell, there is no remedy for diarrhea or constipation. Collectively, they constitute the national sport.

In Hell, you never know what's going to happen.

In Hell, you know exactly what's going to happen -- and then it happens exactly that way

In hell there is no chocolate.

...only devil's food.

in hell there's always something good on tv

in hell, there is no tea.

In hell you can't remember your name
'Cause there is one there to give you mo' pain

In hell, someone else is always using the only bathroom.

In hell, people have names like: It, And, Has, Or, To, etc., so any time they overhear a conversation, they shudder several times, because they think they're being called upon to answer for something terrible they had done, even though they have no idea what it is.

In hell, we always have little popcorn kernel skins stuck between our teeth.