could you give me an example of a suggestive statement, craig?

she just walks back and forth, staring ahead.

what's condi doing these days?


jimmy carter

Who's the man Judith Exner said she most regretted not sleeping with?


The Staten Island Ferry

So where was it excatly you lost her panties?

That wasn't a venus fly trap.

What did the trapped bear say to the botanist hunter about to shoot him?

No, really. It's *tea*. Not anything else. Really.

what's in that package you just got from frieda?


throbbing and pulsating in the most thrilling way imaginable

When I turn this knob on the amplifier, what happens to the woofer?


That's the best I can do.

so, what are we going to do for the other
59 minutes and 30 seconds you paid for?


i really had no other choice

Do you realize that that was quicker and less satisfactory even than Marcus Bales?




Coke. No, Pepsi. Wait, Coke. Pepsi. No, Coke. Coke.

While you're waiting, would you care for a soft drink or a solid carbonaceous material derived from destructive distillation of low-ash, low-sulfur bituminous coal?

Angsty dulcimers repealing preposterously unverified ordinances.

So, Sir, your massive headache is because of....?

Yes, Officer, I was sort of going too fast - you were scaring my dog.

You call that a dog?


I got pig iron, I got pig iron, I got all pig iron.

So, Leadbelly, what'd you get when Lonnie Donegan made a hit with your song?

Another damn 2¢ stamp.

What'd you get when you put in your $.02?



George Carlin

Who did you say your child learned his first word from?

Not now, go away.