Limerick Lessons!
 

Missives in my PM box indicate this might be appreciated:

Here is...

... how to write a limerick.

...some rhyming assistance.


-- Analretentivepants (That's MISTER Analretentivepants to you!)

Have you noticed how Smarty's ears start wiggling when he gets angry? :p

Try not to provoke me, or there might be a POP QUIZ!!!! :p

BUMP!;)

Smarty - clean out your PM box! :p

Perhaps it will work…
who knows. Stranger things have happened…

One can dream, can't he?

and how do you plan to distract Weizzenwhatzun?

Can't this site be set up with the same kind of filter that turns vulgar language into a series of asterisks?

Every time Weisenfloppenstickenflatzen posts an extra syllable, it will just replace his line with "**************"! :p

A clarification for all limerick writers:

It is not the number of SYLLABLES, but the number of METRIC FEET -- or BEATS -- that make or break a limerick.

A limerick MUST have:

THREE BEATS in the first, second and fifth line
TWO BEATS in the third and fourth line.

As for SYLLABLES, while it is not necessarily important HOW MANY there are, the number of them should SHOULD match in the 1st, 2nd, and 5th lines and the 3rd and 4th lines within the same limerick.

If you just sound it out, it is really not that hard to hear if it's wrong or right.

Look at these samples I found on the Web, and listen to the emphasized beats within each line:

There ONCE was an OLD man from WHEEL-ing
Who HAD a pe-CUL-i-ar FEEL-ing
Said the SIGN on the DOOR
Please don't SPIT on the FLOOR --
He JUMPED up and SPAT on the CEIL-ing.

There was a young man from Rangoon
Whose farts could be heard to the moon.
When you'd least expect 'em,
They'd burst from his rectum
With the force of a raging typhoon.

Tis a favourite project of mine,
A new value of pi to assign.
I would fix it at 3,
For it's simpler, you see,
Than 3 point 1 4 1 5 9

Said an ape as he swung by his tail,
To his offspring both female and male,
"From your offspring, my dears,
In a couple of years,
May evolve a professor at Yale."

Does this help?

I don't think these lessons will take
Their habits are too hard to break
we must not expect'ems
to clear out their rectums
and make all their heads come awake

I hope that last verse wasn't rude
for we'd be all surely screwed
if it scared away
all those people who stray
Please come back, all y'all, and be lewd!

It's not that I'm too stupid to learn, rather I'm too stubborn. But I love to be criticized by a real poet!

Oh jeez, are there "real poets" here? Who the hell let them in?? ;)