office terminology
 

which words are hip at your workplace?

i'll start--

roadshow
core business
synergy
quick & dirty
pro-active

call to action

best practice
regional
service users

Found Poem: Superior Speak Translation Guide

I'm glad you asked me that.
Public relations has written a carefully phrased answer.
Our business is going through a paradigm shift.
We have no idea what we've been doing,
but in the future we shall do something different.
You just don't understand our business.
We don't understand our business.

I'll never lie to you.
The truth will change frequently.

Value-added.
Expensive.

That's very interesting.
I disagree.
I don't disagree.
I disagree.
I don't totally disagree with you.
You may be right, but I don't care.
You have to show some flexibility.
You have to do it whether you want to or not.

I see you involved your peers in developing your proposal.
One person couldn't possibly come up with something this stupid.
You obviously put a lot of work into this.
This is awful.

Help me to understand.
I don't know what you're talking about
and I don't think you do either.
Your project is on hold.
We've put a bullet in it.
You needed to be more proactive.
You should have protected me from myself.
Wrong answer.
You didn't tell me what I wanted to hear.

Individual contributor.
Employee who does real work.
We have an opportunity.
You have a problem.
We have to leverage our resources.
You're working weekends.

We want you to be the executive champion of this project.
I want to be able to blame you for my mistakes.
We need to syndicate this decision.
We need to spread the blame if it backfires.
I'd like your buy-in on this.
I want someone else to blame when this thing bombs.
In a perfect world ...
Just get it working and get it out the door.
We have to put on our marketing hats.
We have to put ethics aside.

Cost of ownership has become a significant issue.
We want all of the benefits and none of the costs.
The upcoming reductions will benefit the vast majority of employees.
The upcoming reductions will benefit me.
You need to see the big picture.
My boss thinks it's a good idea.
There are larger issues at stake.
I've made up my mind so don't bother me with the facts.
We're going to follow a strict methodology here.
We're going to do it my way.
My mind is made up. I am adamant on the subject. There is no room for
discussion. But if you want to discuss it further, my door is always open.
**** you.
I appreciate your contribution.
**** you.

UOI: Unwanted Own Initiative

for when someone decides to shut the server down in the middle of the day for maintenance reasons

I certainly hear what you're saying.

restraint-free

No.

personal workspace
sales process monitoring dashboard (don't ask)

Found Poem: Office Communications

What they say: I'm sure it's my fault.
What you think: Whew!
What they meant: It is all your fault!

I'll bear it in mind.
Thank goodness someone else will take care of this.
I will do nothing about it.

By the way
Tune out – this is not important
The primary purpose of our discussion is

I hear what you say
I’m glad he accepts my point of view
I disagree and do not want to discuss it any further

Correct me if I'm wrong
Tell me what you think
I know I'm right - please don't contradict me

With the greatest respect
Well that’s more like it!
I think you are wrong, or a fool

That is an original point of view
He likes my idea
You must be crazy!

Very interesting
He is impressed
I don't agree, or I don't believe you

Quite good
Quite good
A bit disappointing

I was a bit disappointed.
Well at least I still have my job.
You’re fired.

are we all on the same page

fabulous

managing expectations

on special projects - waiting to be sacked
pursuing other interests - sacked

strategic solution - a manager's pet project
tactical solution - project not the pet of any manager, yet annoyingly necessary to the operations of the business

department hi-tea brunch wednesday dec 12 from 12-14h


:confused:

We used to call our H.R. department "Inhuman Racehorses", because of all the shite they dumped on us daily. :D

It's a slippery slope.

Ps. Irregardless is not a word.

operational necessity
or
operational urgency

Send just a few quick samples. :(