Any good jokes?
 

Anyone have any good jokes? One liners, stories, what not?

A guy walks into a bar and says, "Ouch!"

HAHAHAHHAA :confused:


;)

Two hobbits walk into a bar where one of them picks up a barfly. They taker her to ta local motel; the first hobbit goes into the motel room while the other waits outside. Once the door closes, the hobbit on the outside hears starnge noises through the door, "I can't do it, I can't do it, I CAN'T DO IT!"

In the morning, the second hobbit askes the first, "How did it go?" The first one answers. "It was embarrassing. I simply couldn''t do it."

The second hobbit shook his head. "Manhood problems, eh?"

"No. I couldnt get on the bed!"

a guy walks into a bar with a chunk of asphalt under his arm and says "i'll have 2 beers, one for me and one for the road."

a carrot walks into a bar and the barman says "sorry we dont serve food here"

a priest a rabbi and a donkey walk into a bar and the barman says "is this some sort of joke?"


thank you! thank you! thank you! im here all week, try the veal!

Why do men prefer intelligent women?
opposites attract

I ment to post this here, but I had created a new thread somehow, so sorry for the duplication!



An Irishman, an Englishman and a Scotsman go into a pub and each order a pint of Guinness. Just as the bartender hands them over, three flies buzz down and land in each of the pints. The Englishman looks disgusted, pushes his pint away and demands another pint. The Scotsman picks out the fly, shrugs, and takes a long swallow. The Irishman reaches into the glass, pinches the fly between his fingers and shakes him while yelling, "Spit it out, ya bastard! Spit it out!"

Politics:

Poli=many
tics=bloodsucking parasites

how many programmers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
none, that's a hardware problem

Jill's Legs

So this new bar opens and the owner can't think of a name. So he decides to name the bar after the 3rd person who walks in. It takes dosen't take long and soon the 3rd customer walks in.

The owner jumps up and walks over to the girl. “You're the 3rd person to enter my bar and I'm going to name it after you.”

“Okay,” she says, “my name is Jill.”

The owner looks her over and says, “I like your legs so I'm going to name the bar 'Jill's Legs'”

The next day a bum is sitting outside the bar and a cop askes him what he's doing. He answers, “Waiting for Jill's Legs to open so I can get a drink!”

ASCII stupid question- get a stupid ANSI

A bra, a car battery an a set of jumper cables walk into a bar.
The bra goes up to the bar to order, but the barman refuses.
"Why not?" asks the bra
"Well you're obviously off your tits, and your friends look like they're going to start something."

ha, I get jokes!

Ever see an elephant hiding in a tree?




















Good hiders, aren't they?

why do ducks have flat feet?


to stomp out forest fires.


-st.