This is the thread where we share jokes...
 

An Englishman is having breakfast, in Paris, one morning (coffee, croissants, bread, butter and jam) when a Frenchman, chewing bubble-gum, sits down next to him. The Englishman ignores the Frenchman who, nevertheless, starts a conversation.

Frenchman: "You English folk eat the whole bread??"

Englishman (in a bad mood): "Of course."

Frenchman: (after blowing a huge bubble) "We don't. In France, we only eat what's inside. The crusts we collect in a container, recycle it, transform them into croissants and sell them to England." The Frenchman has a smirk on his face.

The Englishman listens in silence.

The Frenchman persists: "Do you eat jam with the bread??"

Englishman: "Of Course."

Frenchman: (cracking his bubble-gum between his teeth and chuckling).

"We don't. In France we eat fresh fruit for breakfast, then we put all the peels, seeds, and leftovers in containers, recycle them, transform them into jam, and sell the jam to England."

After a moment of silence, The Englishman then asks: "Do you have sex in France?"

Frenchman: "Why of course we do", he says with a big smirk.

Englishman: "And what do you do with the condoms once you've used them?"

Frenchman: "We throw them away, of course."

Englishman: "We don't. In England, we put them in a container, recycle them, melt them down into bubble-gum, and sell them to France."

:p

My nephew told me this:

Q: Who do chicken coops only have two doors?

A: Because if they had four doors they'd be chicken sedans.

:ducking:

A woman goes to visit her recently departed husband at the funeral home. Once there she is upset to see that her husband is in a blue suit. She tells the undertaker that it was her husband's wish to be buried in a black suit. The undertaker assures her that he will do what he can. The next day the woman visits again and is surprised and happy to find her husband in a black suit and asks the undertaker how he managed the feat so quickly. "Well", says the undertaker, "last night a man came in dressed in a black suit. His wife said it had always been his wish to be buried in a blue suit and after that it was a simple matter of swapping the heads".

Gandhi

The loincloth Gandhi wore to greet

His followers was small --

But super-callused soles showed feet

That wore no shoes at all.

His fragile health reduced his meals

Until he looked like death --

The journal of his wife reveals

His halitosis breath.

He followed odd and mystic ways

Down paths to strange effects --

So mystic that his wife got praise

But never any sex.

He changed the world through fatalistic

Will and sheer osmosis --

This supercallusedfragilemystic-

hexedbyhalitosis.

A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her
name plate that the teller's name is Mrs. Whack. So he says, "Mrs. Whack,
I'd like to get a loan to buy a boat and go on vacation". The teller,
Patty, looks at the frog in disbelief and asks how much he wants to borrow.
The frog says 30,000 dollars. The teller asks his name and the frog says
his name is Kermit Jagger and that it's ok, he knows the bank manager.
Patty explains that 30,000 dollars is a substantial amount of money and
that he would need to secure some collateral against the loan and asks if
he has anything he can use as collateral. The frog says "Sure. I have
this" and produces a tiny pink elephant, about half an inch tall, bright
pink and perfectly formed.

Very confused, Patty explains that she'll have to consult with the manager
and disappears into a back office. She finds the manager and says "There's
a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to
borrow $30,000. And he wants to use this as collateral." Holding up the
tiny pink elephant, she asks "I mean, what the devil is this?"

The bank manager replies "It's a knick knack, Patty Whack. Give the
frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone."