extremely misguided notions
 

both real and imaginary

If the entire population of China lined up single-file and then walked past you, the line would never end.

If you keep extra rubber bands inside a drawer in your kitchen, it will protect you and your household against credit card fraud. Seriously.

When someone doesn't understand what you're trying to say, it really helps to explain it over and over again using exactly the same words.

I keep my rubberbands on the basement doorknob. Does that still count? :confused:

No. Just say it louder.

If you focus on doing the best interpretive singing you can possibly do in the shower, one of the entertainment industry's talent scouts will hear you and offer you a contract to be the next Sinatra or Streisand. No, really. And this works for the car, too.

If you keep your rubberbands on the basement doorknob, you'll never run out of laundry detergent, no matter how many loads you do a week. It's been scientifically proven, I swear.

If you always wash all your body parts in the same order in the shower your bank will never charge you a service fee if charging the fee would mean one of your checks would bounce. This works. Guaranteed. Trust me.

except my dumb-butt husband keeps throwing the rubberbands away. so - bad credit and dirty clothes. :mad: i guess i should keep my rubberbands somewhere else. keep your rubberbands with you checkbook so you'll know when to bounce your checks.

If you can get the gas dispenser to stop on a number with all zeroes after the first numeral you get the gas free.

Nuclear power is the most environmentally friendly and renewable source of energy.

In America, you can drink and drug until you're past forty, and still get to be President.

Your lungs contain a potent disinfectant which is constantly transferred to the air that they contain. Ergo, your breath has the seemingly magical power of killing off any hazardous germs on recently-dropped pieces of food.

The body is so amazing...

If you think that a famous movie actor is in love with you because of how he or she has looked you right in the eye from onscreen and told you, then they do, and they're just waiting for you to call them. So call them!